Tag: men

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Dating/Courting Single

I Called My Wedding Off: 4 Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine If He's the One-Part 1

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I called my wedding off. It was two months prior to my big day. The date had been set, bridesmaids chosen, venue booked, and wedding dress ordered but… I just couldn’t do it. I’d dated this man for years. It made sense that the next step would be marriage but I had doubts. I knew something was missing but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. After a brief (11 months), courtship with my now husband, I couldn’t help but consider what was so different this time around. How is it that I could date one man for years, have doubts? Date another man for 11 months and have zero doubts?
Perhaps you’re like me. You’ve been dating a man for years but deep down in your soul you know, this can’t be it. You know he’s not the one but you’re comfortable. Change is scary. You have so much history. “Why rock the boat?” You’re slowly warming up to the idea of settling. You begin to reason with yourself. “It’ll get better after marriage.”
I knew what “wrong” felt like. It was marked by uneasiness. In my gut, I knew something was missing. At the time, I didn’t know what “right” felt like. After meeting my amazing husband, the pieces of the puzzles became extremely clear. I can confidently say, you know when it’s wrong, and you know when it’s right. If you haven’t reached a place of certainty, perhaps you need to pump the brakes. You may discover, just as I did, God’s perfect mate for you.
So, is he the one? I can’t answer that. Only you and God can. However, what I can offer, are thought provoking questions to consider. After answering these questions, it may become evident, or it may not. Either way, go to the Father. Just like any loving Father, He adores you. He loves it when you run to Him for help.
 1. Does he know God or “know of “Him?
John 2:3, “And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments.” To know God is to obey Him. There are many temptations in life. If a man truly knows God, he’ll be more inclined to do right by you. He won’t leave you guessing. He won’t play games with your heart. You’ll never be able to watch a man 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your presence is limited; however, God is omnipresent. He’s everywhere at the same time. Knowing your potential mate is being held accountable to God brings a level of comfort. I’m not saying this man will be perfect, because he won’t. You and I aren’t either. I’m simply saying, obedience to God doesn’t lead to sin.
 
 
 2. Does he pray with you?
James 5:16, “…The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” I was 33 years old and had been engaged twice before I ever had a man (outside of deacons or pastors) pray aloud with me. I was in relationships where I was told prayer was taking place but I never saw it. I won’t say they didn’t do it. I can only attest to what I saw.
I was on the phone with Chris, who wasn’t my husband at the time, for the very first time. Prior to hanging up the phone, he asked, “Can I pray with you?” “Wayment! What?! I was taken aback. Like alllllllll the way back! When he prayed, although my eyes were closed, I observed the ease of the words flowing from his mouth. Prayer wasn’t something he learned before he called me that night. He was comfortable. His tone was relaxed. He’d been there, at God’s feet, before. It was comforting to know he had a prayer life. That he knew the importance of prayer. That I could count on him to pray for me. That he knew how to communicate with God.
I truly hope you’ve enjoyed reading thus far. Stay tuned for Part II where the last two questions will be revealed. In the meantime, we’d love to hear from you. Do you think the first two questions are important in determining if he’s the one?
 

 
Tiffany Phillips is a southern girl, residing in Sweet Home Alabama. She’s a Christian, wife (married to the most amazing man, Chris), health and fitness enthusiast, and blogger who is eager to share what God has placed on her heart. Visit Tiffany over at her blog teawithtiffanyp.com
Why Tea With Tiffany P? Because she’s spilling all the tea! 

Categories
Communication Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

Three Ways the Modern Husband is Coming Undone

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The American Joke

In 2016 alone, I’ve seen three extremely strong marriages of people we are close to, crumble to nothingness –two of which are ending in bitter, brutal divorce. Is it her or is it him? Can we all agree that the way that Americans and probably Westerners do life is just plain insane? We run at a very reckless 10,000,000 miles an hour, exhausted and pushed to our max with the laughable attempt at balancing living for Jesus, work, family, friendships, dreams, meanwhile we wonder why something fails.
This pace in which we live is akin to juggling five 100 pound backpacks, riding a unicycle on a trapeze at 75 miles an hour, over an 8,000 foot precipice.
And we toss stones when someone falls? Explain that one to me, please.
And allow me to get off topic for a minute: we were never meant to add Jesus to the “juggling act.” He isn’t an addendum to our lives. He is Life; and the moment we seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, we begin to realize that all things are falling into place!
Wives, men today aren’t stupid. Husbands, women today aren’t demented. We are busy. We are over-worked, worried, overly overwhelmed. We’re just tired (among other things).

Men’s Problems Today

But something happens, sometimes, in the fray: we get frayed. In that place of constant battering, some men react poorly. I’m not saying that these apply to every man, but a great many, certainly.
Here are three ways that I see modern husbands coming undone:

  1. Men are distracted. Some men bury themselves in video games; others dive into hunting or fishing. Hobbies are excellent and even crucial to be able to decompress from life’s stresses. But the problems arise when men stop seeing their wives; wives become invisible, because men are too involved in escapism.
  2. Men are passive. Passivity is a problem in American men. Since when is it OK to watch your family fall apart, while you shake your head in disbelief, but don’t rise up and take threats to your family by the horns? Men don’t lead; they stay at home from church and let their wives plead with them to give church one more try. I understand discouragement. I understand dismay, but many men would rise above their problems if they would only stand and lead.
  3. Men have their priorities backwards. Men today are willing to roar like lions in the football stands, but run like sheep in the Church. Husbands can manage their jobs with precision and skill, but managing their home life doesn’t take precedence. Men, it’s time to have a vision for your family as big as, or bigger than your vision for your future.

These don’t represent every man, but I would say that most men struggle with one or more of them. Husbands, seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness. Women, don’t be discouraged by your husbands, but continue to affirm his place of sonship in the Kingdom.
Husbands, we are seeing a cultural decline in the West. What would happen if more men caught the vision of God for their families, and loved their wives and kids—with the knowledge that doing family life well can literally shape a culture?
 
 
 
 

Categories
Marriage

What If A Hot Shot Husband Took Your Place?

Cute loving couple is standing and embracing. They are holding a cup of coffee and smiling. The man is kissing a woman with love

When someone is running for political office you will hear the candidate declare they will do better than the current office holder. They say things like, “I will make the military stronger,” implying of course that the current person has made it weaker. They also say they will bring back jobs, make America safer, care about people more, etc.
The same thing happens when people apply for a new job. They say they are going to perform better than the previous leader did in their position.
In both of the situations above, it may be true.
They might do more than the previous person.
What if you died and a new Hot Shot husband took your place?
What would he do differently than you?
How would he treat your wife differently?
A.W. Tozer was a man of deep faith and conviction. After he passed away, his wife said, “A. W. loved Jesus Christ, but Leonard Odam (her new husband) loves me.”
As I read this, I am not shocked by the indictment that statement brings to the way A.W. loved his wife. Instead, I look at my own life. My own marriage. I know I need to do more.
A.W. had a “Hot Shot” husband come and take his spot as his wife’s husband. From the book A Passion for God, it looks like he lacked in many ways in his marriage.
I see the same things lacking in my own life.
What can you do to make sure some hot shot husband does not come into your marriage after you pass away? How can you be the hot shot husband to your wife right now?  Here are 4 things to consider:
1. Go Overboard With Winning Her Heart
A hot shot husband would come in and do whatever it takes to win her heart—every day! He would not have the attitude that they have been together for X years and so she doesn’t need the energy she first received from him. The hot shot husband attitude would be that he only has so many years with her on planet Earth and he wants her to know she is the focus of his attention.
2. Monthiversary

A hot shot husband would ditch just celebrating the yearly anniversary. He would make every month, on the day of their anniversary, a day he would do something special for her. Why not start doing this starting this month?

3. 99% Encouragement
A hot shot husband would spend 99% of his time speaking life over his wife. He would be generous with his prayers, his encouragement, and his life-giving words.
4. He Would Medicate His Wife
The Bible says that laughter does good like medicine. The hot shot husband would provide opportunities to laugh with his wife. Whether is it watching videos like this to her,  talking about funny situations in your lives, or telling jokes, the hot shot husband would know that the couple that laughs together stays together.
To be a hot shot husband has nothing to do with your wife. You are the one that determines to be the hot shot husband to your wife. You are the one that has to deny your slothful, lazy, and unproductive ways.
Guys, we can do this.
We can be the hot shot husband that our wives married.
Start now!
Question: What is one thing you need focus more on that a hot shot husband would do immediately if you died and he married your wife?

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Single

What You Need to Know About Finding a Godly Husband

Attractive Afro-American couple using tablet, holding a cup and laughing while sitting on beanbag chairs against brick wall

 
They’re out there. Good men. Godly men. Real men. I know you’ve been burned, disappointed, disillusioned, even discouraged, but don’t be disbelieving. Unfortunately, you don’t hear this from mainstream media. Your wounded friends don’t tell you about the warrior-princes of the Kingdom, either. You may not even hear it from church! Men are either presented in our society as aloof, senseless buffoons, angry control-addicts, or sex-starved animals.
I want to assure you that these caricatures are not representative of Godly men who dream of being married, having children, and changing the world through Christ together. There is more. No, not all men are alike. No, not all men are pigs. As long as the world endures, there will be real men of God.
I hope these five tips will help you in your search for a Godly man:
 1. Pray. Many women I know tell me they have prayed specifically over their husband. They pray for his character, for his development into a man of God, and for overcoming his struggles. They pray over their husbands’ parents, friends, and influences. Some have even prayed for specific features, like hair and eye color! I think this is okay, but don’t get hung up on blue eyes if the Lord brings a brown-eyed man your way, who has the same values and goals as you. It is the heart of a man that God values and no one is more attractive than when the glory of the Lord shines through them (I Samuel 6:17).
2. Go where Godly men are.The truth is, you have to know where to find them. Godly men aren’t lurking in the places that the movies say they are. They aren’t occupying a barstool. They aren’t linking arms with multiple women at the clubs. They aren’t forgetting the name of the last girl from last night’s hookup.
They’re probably on their knees, praying for you.
 Don’t hide in your room and complain about not meeting anyone; go to the places you would want your husband to be found. Be active at church and church events. Bottom line: Godly men are seeking God. Seek God and you will find your husband. Wait on the Lord. I’m not trying to sound simplistic, but that is God’s heart for our lives: Seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)
3. Know who you don’t want. Define where your journey with the Lord is taking you, and determine to go there, not being distracted by people who will tie a weight around your ankles and deter you from your journey. Know what kinds of guys are dangerous to your relationship with the Lord. That being said, I have this caution: do not operate in a false spirit of discernment, wrongfully casting judgment on people in the name of “righteousness.” We can judge the fruit of one’s life, but we cannot see hearts. (Matthew 7:16)
4. Have Godly standards. To reiterate point #2, seek Christ yourself. Honor what God honors in a person. Be firmly rooted in your prayer life and Bible reading. Know how a Godly man honors a woman. Ask the Lord to search your heart and reveal any ungodly beliefs about Him and males in your life and ask Him to guide you.
5. Get ready. Pray for rain, and then grab your umbrella. Know how to manage finances, and how to manage your soul. Determine what you need to work on in yourself as preparation for merging your life to another human being. Pray, seek, fast. Thank God for who He has prepared for you. Rejoice that God’s ways are perfect!
 
 
 
 
 

Categories
Home Single

15 Prayers For Singles to Pray While They Wait for Their Mate

Beautiful Girl reading her Bible by the sea

While waiting for your mate there are many things that you should be doing. Preparing emotionally, financially, spiritually, seeing the world, understanding your purpose and growing in God. With all the preparation that is needed, the main areas you want to focus on is : praying for yourself, your mate and your future together. Below are 15 prayers you can pray and declare daily for you and your future spouse.

  1. I declare that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and God has great plans for my life.
  2. I declare my identity is not found in success, money or a mate but in being in you Jesus.
  3. I declare that I will fulfill the plans of God over my life.
  4. I declare I am a man or woman of purpose, honor, and integrity.
  5. I declare that I am a suitable mate and will bring favor and honor to my spouse.
  6. I declare that my past does not dictate my future relationships.
  7. I declare that my past will not detour me but propel me deeper into to God and towards the mate and life he has for me.
  8. I declare that I am spiritually, physically and finically whole; I will bring something to the table.
  9. I declare I will not be deceive but with clear mind, wisdom and discernment will be able to know the perfect person God has brought for me.
  10. I declare that my marriage and family will prosper.
  11. I declare that my mate, wherever he is, is being prepared to be a wonderful and suitable mate for me.
  12. I pray for my future spouse’s mind, and that they are rooted and grounded in you.
  13. I come against any tactics of the enemy that would come to derail my future spouse and hence causing him to miss our connection.
  14. I declare that all those around us will be blessed because of our relationship.
  15. I declare that no good thing will the lord withhold from those that love him.

 
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Amen.

Categories
Single

10 Qualities of a Man Ready for Marriage

I started thinking about my unmarried or newly married friends and their dating/courting relationships. After you have committed to someone and have dated exclusively for some time, how do you know when you are ready to take the leap of faith and get married?
Marriage is wonderful but it can come with it’s challenges so you need to be prepared emotionally, spiritually, and financially to be happy beyond the wedding day.
This post is focused on the man especially since he is the head of the relationship. I have listed 20 qualities that I believe are attributes of a man ready for marriage. I decided to break this up into two separate articles to keep this one from being a book chapter instead of a blog post. Stay tuned for Part 2 and “Qualities of a Woman ready for a Godly Marriage”.
1. Seeks God with his whole heart-
Psalm 119: 9-11
9 How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
The scripture says in order to keep yourself pure, hide His word in your heart. Seeking Him with your whole heart will keep you focused on pleasing God in all that you do.
2. Attends, gives and serves at a church
As a saved young woman, I have heard this line many times, “You are a Christian (or saved), oh that’s cool, I go to church, I am a member of…” I am happy that you “go to church”, but I believe you are a true member when you have invested your time, resources and talents to this church. The church cannot run itself without it’s members.
Your local church will be blessed by your help. What areas of the church are you serving in? How can you be a blessing to your pastor and members? I have found that serving in the church keeps you grounded, accountable and you learn so much about yourself and the life of Jesus by serving His people.
3. Has godly friends- Having godly friends will also help with accountability. Having friends who are walking with Jesus that will give you godly advice and will understand your struggles, praises, and will encourage your spiritual growth. The scripture says in Proverbs 27:17 that “Iron sharpens Iron”.
4. Has a good relationship with his family- I know all families are not perfect, but is there communication and respect with and towards the family.
This is important because if there are majors signs of dysfunction in the family, this unfortunately can filter over into your marriage. You will need to have open communication about the future in-laws.
5. Prays with and encourages you to pursue God more while he is pursuing you- The man is the head of the household. He will need to treat the bride as Jesus does the church. The Lord of Lord’s desires a church without spot or blemish.
Jesus loves us with an everlasting love. A godly man will want his wife to be all that God has called her to be. A godly man will want his woman to put God first before him.
6. Has a job or career- The husband will be the provider of the family and head of the household. He will need a job or is working (in school) to obtain a career.
7. Encourages you to  pursue your passion and goals- He will not be intimidated or will not limit his woman’s God given gifts.
8. Abstains from sexual immorality and fornication-
1 Thessalonians 4: 3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
The above scriptures describes those that fall to lust as those who do not know God. God does not want you to corrupt your body with this sin. Having sex outside of marriage will bring on a slew of problems into a pure relationship.
It is created for husband and wife only to enjoy. If you are not abstaining from this, you are sinning against God and your body.
This will keep the enemy from corrupting your union before it has even started. If this has already happened in your relationship, please seek Godly counsel on how to proceed with your relationship.
This goes back to being involved in a church, having Godly friends, and being guided by your pastor. Your support system will help you as a couple get back on track.
9. Communicates with you about his past, his struggles, and future- You do not want to have any surprises before you say “I do”.
10. Enjoys spending time with you- My grandfather who had been married for almost 60 years before he passed, gave me and Joel this one piece of marriage advice, “Have fun with each other.”
You want to enjoy your time together even if you are doing something that you don’t want to do. It shows that you want to invest in getting to know your mate and showing them how much you love and appreciate them.
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

Reconcile Your Past Relationships to Gain Access to Your Future

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As I was preparing for bed, I stood in front of my mirror and suddenly I had an epiphany: I have never owned up to the things I’ve done to my ex. It was a weird and random thought and I had no real reason to think of him considering it has been five years since I’ve spoken to him and five years since my husband rescued me from the destructive cycle of on again off again with my ex.
It was as if staring at myself as I brushed my hair opened up a part of me that I had never explored. I made myself into a victim not only in that relationship, but every relationship that I had been in. I mean, I’ve dealt with some issues. But, I created so many problems with my past partners and it was as if God said to me that I need to own up to them in order to have a successful marriage.
 
My boyfriend before my husband was probably my most significant past relationship because of the type of influence he had over me. I set the tone for our relationship early on when I cheated on him. It was something I was punished for during our entire three years. Months later, we went through a life-changing event and I became completely emotionally dependent on him and he took advantage of it, getting money and other things out of me that I would have never given to him otherwise.
I sometimes sit back and think to myself, “Was that me?” It seems like another life. In the past I used my experience with him to gain sympathy from other men that I took interest in because I had this need to be “rescued.” My own victimization took place of my reality as I exaggerated what had occurred and conveniently left out the fact that I hurt him too.
Though I apologized and tried to make it right, I still made him into a monster for my benefit. He wasn’t a monster; he was upset and confused as to why I would continuously hurt him.
 
I understand now that I had this incessant, insatiable need to feel wanted and loved. No one could have been enough for me; not until I allowed God back into my life. I realized that because I was so sick, I felt that God didn’t love me so I searched for those who would love me.
But, no amount of pseudo-kindness would fill the void in my life. When I did pray for my husband to come as I mentioned in a previous post, I was still in search of that “filler,” but no one would do. Thankfully, I kept that mustard-seed faith in the back of my heart and God delivered. I am now a new creature in Him and with my husband.
 
Lately, I’ve noticed that I am adopting that same victim mentality that plagued me before. Not that I am turning to anyone else for attention, but that I am using it to get attention from my husband. Because he knows me so well, he doesn’t entertain my sometimes childish behavior which, of course, leaves me unsatisfied.
It was that night that as I was preparing for bed that I finally understood that my own bad behavior in my past was resurfacing its way into my present and future. I thought I had put away these bad behaviors, but I only masked it so that I could be the “best wife” to my husband.
 
Without acknowledging the life I used to live, I cannot continue to make my husband happy. I also realized that not only did I need to forgive myself and my ex in order to move forward; I needed to apologize to those I have wronged.
There needs to be reconciliation in order for there to be a new creature. The word declares, “For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.” (2 Corinthians 5:19).  Without Christ’s reconciliation to the world, we would not have the opportunity of eternal life. Without the reconciliation of my past, I would not have the opportunity of an eternal marriage.
 
So, as I stared at myself I saw all of my faults and flaws and I said, “I am sorry.” Not only to myself and to God, but to my ex who had to endure the things I did to him, to those I hurt for my own selfish gain, and  to my husband who had to try to decipher all of my mood swings and bad feelings because I never let go of my past.
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Set the Foundation for Love with Honesty

My husband and I met in person at Central Park. Our business conversation quickly turned into a conversation about everything else. As he walked me to the train (after his attempt to kiss me) he stared at every movement my large lips made. I kindly asked him not to do that because it made me uncomfortable as most full-liped ladies would know. Now that I think back to that encounter, I wonder if he was looking at my lips or mesmerized by the things I said to him.
As I said in a previous article, he told me he loved me just days after meeting me. Thinking back now, I know that we were at the most vulnerable points in our lives and were able to be honest. Honesty is most important when trying to develop a relationship with someone. It is even more important than having things in common and spending quality time. It’s definitely more important than playing the so-called game of “trapping the man.”
We’ve all done it: try to find ways to get him to put a ring on it. But it is impossible to make him want you if you aren’t being yourself. The best way to show him who you really are is by the words you use. Don’t be afraid to voice what you are looking for in a relationship. You don’t want to run him off with your long list of demands but be candid about the type of relationship that you want. Make sure that you are clear that you want a monogamous relationship that can possibly lead to marriage. Why waste time? In the past, I’ve told guys that I just want to keep it casual when I really wanted to say, “I want to have your babies.” Although, God allowed me to be fearless enough to say that to my husband on our first date, I could have kept that to myself. The thing that I did let him know, which was the right thing to do was that I was tired of mindlessly dating. Yes, I was young (20) but I was tired of having a broken heart. I made sure to let God know and let him know.
I was honest but I wasn’t demanding—not at first anyway. I simply explained to the man I knew I wanted to marry, that I don’t casually date and that I hoped that the next man I was monogamous with was going to be the last person that I was with. I assured him that I was not pressuring him into anything but I wanted to be open with him. I didn’t want to date him under false pretenses and I didn’t want him to do that to me either. He appreciated my honesty and felt like he could be honest as well. It turned out that he was tired of just dating too. He was actually considering marrying someone else if he didn’t meet the right one by age 30. He appreciated that he met me before he made the mistake of marrying the wrong one.
Though it may be early in a relationship consider that the early days are your building days. These are the days that you are constructing the foundation for a long-lasting love. Love can only exist in an honest place. Its foundations must be biblical in order to thrive. “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” (Proverbs 18:21) You have the power to speak life into your relationship by being honest so be mindful of the words that you speak to your potential spouse. Also, be careful not to be demanding; that is a good way to run him off. Don’t think that as soon as you talk about your intentions for your future that you should start planning your wedding. “4Love is patient and kind…6 It does not demand its own way.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-6) It just means that you’re not wasting anymore time in relationships that aren’t going in the right direction.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home

25 Ways Other than Dating to Prepare For Marriage

After about 6 months of being married, I realized something that I pray every unmarried person will take very serious.  Every second I spent before I said I do, was preparation for marriage.  All the things I accomplished and all the things I failed to do contributed to my present day marriage.  Before I married, I was a huge proponent for preparing for marriage. But now that I am married, I cannot stress how important it is to prepare for the covenant that changes everything.
When I teach on this, the first response is, “Well, I don’t have anyone to date to prepare for marriage.” Dating is not the only way to prepare for marriage and also can be very dangerous if not done God’s way.

Here are a 25 ways to prepare for marriage other than dating.

  1.  Healthy friendships with the opposite sex.
  2. Get a roommate.  (same sex)
  3. Spend time with a married couple that inspires you to be married.
  4. Learn how to cook. (Poor eating habits are very unattractive and destructive to yourself.)
  5. Establish the foundation of God’s purpose for your life.
  6. Read books on marriage.
  7. Attend conferences on preparing for marriage and relationships.
  8. Identify your strengths and weaknesses in relationships.
  9. Establish a consistent prayer & devotional life.
  10. Get financial intelligence.
  11. Go to college.
  12. Examine the good and bad of your parent’s marriage.
  13. Serve at your local church.
  14. Learn how to deal with conflict with your friends.
  15. Go on a mission trip to another country with a team.
  16. Take faith risks for God to break fear and learn obedience.
  17. Examine all your failed friendships and see why things went sour.
  18. Keep your home/room/closet/car clean. (No one wants a dirty spouse)
  19. Get a hobby.
  20. Become a glass house for your close friends. (Transparency as a normal part of your life.)
  21. Ask your “real” friends what are areas of your character need development every 3-6 months.
  22. Learn when to say yes, and when to say NO. (self control)
  23. Work hard. (if you don’t want to marry a lazy person, then don’t be lazy yourself)
  24. Develop a healthy lifestyle.
  25. Get a biblical understanding of the role of a husband and wife in a Godly marriage.

Categories
Marriage

Learning Your Spouse's Language

I’m sure you’ve heard people say men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  Eh, I disagree.  Those are two completely different planets so in reality if men and women were from different planets the differences would be much greater than just communication.  If we were from different planets we probably couldn’t even reproduce.  It’s more like men are from New York and women are from LA or men are from England and women are from the US.  We’re all speaking English, we’re just speaking in different dialects.  Because the differences can be so vast, it may feel like two different languages.  The trick is to embrace each other’s dialect and resist any urge to classify any of the differences as deficiencies.  Both approaches to the expression of English are equally valid and neither should be altered.  They should be allowed to stay in their purest form.
For instance, if a husband recognizes that his wife requires much more detail than he would normally share he should be patient in learning how to do so.  While if a wife recognizes that her husband’s needs short, bottom line information, she should also be patient in learning to do so.  Of course these are stereotypical examples and your situation could be different so be sure to tailor your approach to your spouse’s needs.
While studying abroad in Mexico I learned a strategy that may prove to be very effective in learning a new language.  I had a friend who was trying to learn English while I was trying to learn Spanish.  I would speak to them in Spanish and they would respond in English to see if we understood each other.  We would then switch languages in order to ensure that we could hear and speak each language properly.  This is how to approach learning to communicate with your spouse.  I’ve been learning to speak “Melissa” this way for seven years.
Just this past Valentines I had an opportunity to practice my “Melissa”.    It was Melissa’s turn to plan our Valentines and typically the activity planned is the gift to both of us, but I decided I would still give Melissa a gift.   I know Melissa loves candy so I decided to get a gift bag and put a bunch of candy in it and I would also drive around town and “collect” some flowers from the apartment complexes in our area since flowers were not in the budget.  I went to the store and purchased the gift bag and the candy.  I decided it would be cool to take all of the candy out of the wrappers and dump them into the bag. This way Melissa could just sit back and enjoy the candy without having to wrestle with the wrappers (I am so considerate).  Now it was time to drive around and collect some flowers, but I couldn’t do it.  The Holy Spirit wouldn’t let me.  Besides, I’d be embarrassed if I was on the news involved in a high-speed chase over some stolen flowers.
I surprised Melissa with the bag of candy and she loved it.  Now It was time to explain to her the story behind the bag of candy. I had two choices, I could speak to her in “Joel” or speak to her in “Melissa”.  If I spoke to her in Joel I would say, “I bought you some candy because you like candy and I was going to give you some flowers but that didn’t work out.”  That would be too easy and I’d just be being lazy if I did that.  So of course I chose to speak in “Melissa”.  I gave her a very detailed version of the story and she loved every detail.  She loved the idea that I took the candy out of the wrapper just for her and she was relieved that I didn’t collect any flowers, but she thought the gesture was nice.
Melissa and I are not yet fluent in each other’s languages.  We often regress to our native tongues.  Every time we choose to speak in our second tongue it’s exciting and it draws us closer to each other.  We find ourselves and each other in the translation.  I leave you with this quote from Johann Wolfgang von Goeth “Those who know nothing of foreign languages know nothing of their own.”