Month: March 2017

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

What Does Love Really Have to Do with It?

I bet your wondering what in the world can this blog post be about? What does she mean by “what does love have to do with it?”
 
Well, in a society and generation that has completely contaminated the meaning of LOVE, I thought it would be best to do some clarifying.Most people don’t have a clue what love is. They want to rush into relationships based on commonality, attraction, or a “feeling.” But, those three things literally have nothing to do with love.
We began to lose the war of the true meaning of love when people started making it into a fantasy and removing the reality.When people wanted to take the easy way out rather than learning to endure, because where there is love there is endurance.When people wanted to allow their desires to run wild instead of committing and remaining faithful, with love there is commitment.
 
You see, this awful cycle and contamination started YEARS ago, but as an agent of Christ my objective is to correct what’s been tainted.
Let’s compare Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary definition of love with the Bible’s definition of love.
Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines love as “a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; attraction based on sexual desire; or affection and tenderness felt by lovers.”
Well, let me ask you this… What happens when those affections die down? What happens when sex isn’t enough anymore? What happens when you don’t feel loved or want to love anymore?
Here’s the problem, love can’t be narrowed down to such a simplistic feeling or desire in the moment. Let’s be honest, desires and feelings change like the wind for some people, and the truth is, love remains. This is why it can’t be considered a feeling or a desire.
The Bible defines love as a decision that is made through every situation, circumstance, obstacle, uncertainty, commitment, and overall life event.
In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 it says, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.”
If you’re going to love someone in a relationship context, understand that love is not just a word to throw back and forth, but there are real decisions that have to be made each day in order to truly love someone.
So, what does love really have to do with it? It has EVERYTHING to do with it! After reading this post, I suggest you take some time to ask yourself, “have I contaminated the REAL meaning of LOVE?” It’s not too late to make some changes. Now that you have this information, what are you going to do with it?

Categories
Communication Marriage Parenting Spiritual Intimacy

Three Everyday Moments You’re Under-Appreciating

Family laughing around a good meal in kitchen

My wife and I have fallen in love with the Pearson family from the hit NBC dramedy, This Is Us. It depicts a family growing and becoming who they are over the passage of time. We love the realism of the family dynamics, the un-glamorous “real-talk” of the husband and wife, and the lessons that make you realize that God is truly in the details.
I love that it highlights the simple moments. The dad is a hard-working, loving, blue-collar worker, and the mom is a stay-at-home mom with musical aspirations. Simple moments, like being at the pool on a sweltering summer day, or turning a bad Thanksgiving Day into a family tradition, are what make This Is Us really shimmer.
America needs this. America needs to be reminded of God’s gift of family in the little moments. We are apparently under the delusion that life is only significant on the mountain tops. But if we aren’t careful, we are going to look up and see that we shunned the glorious by ignoring the ordinary.
But God is building something in your family, and it is worth paying attention to.
You may be under-appreciating these three everyday moments that, though seemingly ordinary, are actually holy.

  1. Dinner time moments. Humanity has been gathering around a meal since the dawn of time. These are pivotal moments for a young family that will culminate into forming the bedrock of your children, marriage, and family dynamics. This isn’t just a culinary experience; it’s a spiritual one. Before Jesus went to the Cross, He sat down with His disciples for a meal. (Matthew 26:20-30) After His resurrection, when His disciples were trying in vain to catch fish, Jesus was ready to serve them breakfast. (John 21:1-14) Don’t rush through your four-year-old’s never-ending story. You’re going to miss that someday. Actually listen to your spouse divulge all the messy details about his or her day—and don’t forget to share yours too.
  2. Hard communication moments. My wife and I have not had many intense fights in our marriage, thankfully. But we have had tension, as every marriage will. But God is in those moments, too. In fact, there were times that I would be so frustrated by a conflict in our communication that I would tell my wife that I needed a walk. I always come back, though. Those walks usually end up being “walks to the Cross.” I see how I contributed to the dissonance, receive some discipline from my Heavenly Father, and re-enter the house with a genuine posture of humility. Don’t take moments like these for granted. My walks to the Cross have led me to the feet of Jesus every time—and our family has grown in spite of those hard communication moments.
  3. Hilarious moments. Last year, I used some money I received for my birthday to purchase a TV for our bedroom, so we could have mini-dates at home. Last week, my four-year-old son threw a truck at that TV. My wife called me on the way home from work so I could prepare for it. I was…bothered…to say the least. Nevertheless, I walked in the house, kissed my wife, and hugged my children. Yes, even my four-year-old. He looked up at me and said, “But Daddy, I need to tell you da twoof (truth). I thwoo (threw) my twuck at the TV and bwoke it.” I laughed—a lot. “I know, son. It’s just a TV, and you’re just a kid. I love you more than any old TV. It’s OK.” These are moments that build a legacy.

Don’t miss God in these small moments.
 
 

Categories
Communication Home Single

5 Signs That He Is Into You

married couple talking while having a breakfast time outdoors

We all know the age old saying “Men Are From Mars and Women are From Venus” which basically symbolizes how different the sexes are, and it couldn’t be more true. It’s far easier for me to communicate and understand the emotional cues of my female friends than of my male friends. Which could be due to obvious reasons; given that I am a female myself, but these differences really attribute to why relationships take work. Men and women assess, communicate and deal with things differently. I can’t recall how often I’ve had conversations with my girlfriends about whether or not a guy is into them. And after having several of these “deep, philosophical, analytical talks,” and coming down to the root of the problem, along with personal experiences  of my own; I’ve come to realize, that men are not that complex, and that is no offense to men, but a relief for women. Here are some ways to tell if a guy is into you.
1.  He Initiates Conversation– We live in a day where communication is readily at our fingertips; literally. Regardless of how busy we are, we check our phones multiple times a day. If a guy is into you he won’t leave you hanging for hours after you’ve texted him, or go several days without texting/calling you. We are never too busy to make time for the things we care about.
 
2.  He Tells People About You- If a guy is into you he will mention you to his family and friends. We like to talk about the good things that are happening in our lives, and if you mean something to him, and he sees a potential future, he will let the people in his life know.
 
3.  He Treats You Like You Matter- If he makes you a priority by taking you out  or doing the thoughtful things that make you feel like you’re special to him, then he is into you.
 
 4. He Compliments You- I don’t mean just complimenting your physical traits, but complimenting your mind and other qualities you possess, and showing genuine interest in your passions, talents and hobbies.
 
 5. He Tells You He’s Into You- A mature man isn’t afraid to tell you how he feels about you. And even if he doesn’t, if it has been some time of getting to know each other then it should be pretty obvious, and you should feel confident about how he feels towards you. Basically put, if a man is into you… you will know.

Categories
Home Single

A Prayer for Singles

girl praying with her bible on table

I want to pray for us today.
I want to pray for the season that we’re in, whether we’re happy or unhappy about it. Prayer is needful.
Lord we thank you for this time in our lives
We don’t take a single moment in this season for granted
We celebrate those around us that have found love
Keep our hearts pure
Keep our thoughts pure
So, that we won’t allow jealousy, envy or bitterness to take root in our hearts
Help us to use this season to chase boldly after our purpose
To learn more about our identities in you
To learn more about your love for us
So, that your love for us can set the standard on how we should be loved
And set the standard on how we should give love
May our hearts be so intertwined with your love in this season that we crave it more than we crave anything else
Show us more of yourself and shape our lives to reveal your glory
Reveal how much bigger  and more beautiful you are than our desire for marriage
Satisfy us so fully that we never look to anyone else to make us happy
Help us to understand that there is an appointed time for everything
And to everything its own season
May we understand that you are committed to giving us what’s best for us when it’s best for us
You want to give us love
You said in your word that you wouldn’t withhold any good thing from your children
And we are your children
And while we know that you are such a good Father that you want to give us the desires of our heart
Help us not to make our desire for marriage an idol
Liberate us from the world’s standards that say we should be married by a certain age
Keep us from conforming to the world around us
Jesus, we declare that You alone are our prize, You are our portion and in this season, we will enjoy YOU, all of YOU.
We pray this prayer in Jesus Name

Categories
Communication Home Marriage Physical Intimacy Spiritual Intimacy

3 Prayers to Become A Better Wife

Young girl praying in nature by the Sea

When I first got married 9 years ago, I learned the value of the pursuit of prayer dealing with circumstances we faced and disagreements we had. I was taught in church how the Lord wants to be included in every aspect of our lives. He desires for us to talk to Him and pray about everything. Nothing is too small or too big for the Lord because He’s always listening. But as He listens, He wants the conversation to be a two-way connection. He talks, you listen. You talk, He listens (1 John 5:14-15).
So I did just that in my prayer time. However, I would often spend time praying and talking to God, seeing no change to the challenges we were having. I remember one day crying out to God saying, “Do you hear me, God, are you listening?” I struggled with knowing if God actually heard me and played the blame game with my husband because I felt he needed to change more than I did. One day, while in a Christian bookstore, I spotted a CD series entitled, “Wife after God: Drawing Closer to God & Your Husband.” From that moment, my life drastically changed in how I approached God in prayer.
I learned that praying for my husband meant God was changing me! I was getting caught up in all the things that I wanted God to change about him, when all God was speaking back to me was about me. What a reality check! As I continued to pray and listen to the CD series, seeds were planted that came against everything that I thought was wrong in my marriage. As I began to apply the principles I learned, changes happened because I developed a heart after God and a heart of compassion for our marriage (Psalm 32:8). One dramatic change from my prayers was I learned (and I am still learning) how to be a better wife for my husband.
Here are 3 things I learned to pray for to become a better wife:

  1. To serve and honor my husband well: I learned that loyalty is sometimes demonstrated in marital challenges. As I prayed, God shared that difficult times were what He was using to cultivate the depth of my commitment to Him and my husband. My demonstration of loyalty, affirmation, genuine love, and a servant’s heart allowed me to grow in godly character towards my husband (Philippians 2:1-4).
  1. To think before you speak: Proverbs 21:23 offers some good advice: “Watch your words and hold your tongue; you’ll save yourself a lot of grief.” I learned to ask God when I prayed to give me the best time to talk with my husband and the right tone when communicating with him.
  1. To set aside time for each other: Praying about our quality time taught me to be intentional with our special times together. Date nights could be watching Netflix together, taking walks, or having game nights. Remember, the most important thing is to strengthen your love connection and be creative!

A happy marriage is worth the effort of allowing God to help you become a better mate for your husband or wife. What prayers could you pray to strengthen your marriage?
 

Categories
Single

The Real Reason You're Still Single

Pensive pretty young woman in blue shirt sitting and thinking in cafe

As millennials, it seems we are trying to find the “sweet spot” – the age where you’re not too young to get married and sucking the fun out of your twenties, claiming responsibility, and the age where you suddenly look around and now all your friends are married and starting to have babies. We are trying to navigate through a changing phase of life, and hoping we don’t get left behind in the process. Dating, but casually – not pursuing anything TOO serious, because marriage is a big commitment, but complaining when we don’t have anyone. Seems silly when you spell it out, right? Here are some reasons you are still finding yourself in the single state.
 
Too Prideful to Try Online Dating
When it comes to dating, you don’t mind dabbling in the free apps, but you refuse to sign up for a dating program that costs, as if it screams desperation or shows embarrassment. Stop caring about what other people think! If you are looking to find someone to seriously consider spending your life with, WHY NOT pay for an online dating service? To me, the fact that someone is willing to invest their time/money into the possibility of love shows a greater level of commitment and serious pursuit, and we aren’t even dating yet! Not to mention, there is a good chance you may find more quality individuals than others where creeps have such easy access. Yes, you may spot anomalies either way – a great guy on a free app, or a creep on a paid one, but with dating profiles that match you on sites like eHarmony, you may have a better turnout.
 
You Get Discouraged Too Easily
You finally talk yourself into going on a date with someone you have been talking to you, it seems to go well, and they ghost you. Wait – what? Did I miss something? I thought we had a great time. If you are on the receiving end of the “ghosting,” roll it off. If that is the kind of person they are, it’s probably best you aren’t wasting any more time! Don’t let someone’s personality faults affect your self-worth and self-confidence. A part of seeking out love is vulnerability and risk-taking; you have to take chances, for the possibility of a great reward in a fulfilling relationship. You may try and some relationships will probably fail, but when you find the one that works for both of you, your journey will be worth it.
 
You Give Up Too Quickly
For my friends that do go on dates whether a blind date, tinder dates, bumble dates, first dates, it seems they all give it one to two times in person and decide whether or not they are “feeling it.” Too often it seems millennials are expecting a magical feeling of connection that will let them know they could really fall for this one! Today, I want to challenge the way you view love. Love is a choice. Did you know the global divorce rate of arranged marriages is only 6%?! And often those individuals don’t have a choice. If we decided every day that we were going to CHOOSE to love this person, you could fall in love with anybody.
That being said, if you find someone that meets your non-negotiables from a standard perspective: loves God, wants kids, has a steady job, gets along with family, or whatever your criteria may be (not the tall, dark, handsome, physical qualities), give the guy a CHANCE! Too often I see women giving up over silly reasons and then complaining that there are no good guys out there!
Is it that there are no good guys, or the good guys aren’t meeting your unrealistic expectations?
 
You Don’t Want Anything Too Serious (at least not yet)
Why millennials choose to date, but don’t want to think about marriage is something I may never understand. The idea of emotionally connecting myself to an individual only to have them waste my time and walk away broken-hearted sounds absolutely PAINFUL. Choosing to be serious about a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be ready for marriage tomorrow OR get married next year, and that is completely okay! My challenge to you would be to relationship check at the door. If this person doesn’t have qualities of someone you would consider marrying, or you can’t see yourself with them long-term, don’t waste your time. It’s okay to date to find what you like, but be careful of how long you allow it to go on. Be intentional about finding a spouse, you never know how long (or short) it may take for you to really connect with someone you could see yourself with.

Categories
Engaged Home

3 Reasons to Seek Counseling: Before You Say “I Do”

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Categories
Single

3 Traits of the Bitter, Single Friend

Portrait of angry woman standing with arms folded on gray background

by Joy Oguntimein
You’ve seen the post before.  You know the, “Why do people feel the need to plaster their love everywhere?”, “I give that relationship [X] months.” or “A lot of people in relationships are just afraid to be alone.””
 
Now if you’ve seen these because you’ve posted them, then there is a possibility that you’re becoming the bitter single friend. Don’t worry, you’re not alone.  I’ve been there.
 
We want to celebrate romance, but we’re baffled about how that one friend who everyone knows is selfish and arrogant is getting married next month?!?! We’ve followed all the “rules” of how to find your BoRu (Boaz +Ruth), yet here we are: single and on the verge of, or already entrapped in, bitterness. 
 
Here’s the thing, we’ve got to identify signs of bitterness and address them before we become Trump’s “US Secretary of Relationship Cynicism”. So what are the signs of a budding bitter, single friend?  
 

  1. One cannot be happy for anyone; not even Uncle Barack and Aunty Michelle.

 
An obvious sign of a bitter single friend: the person does not celebrate other’s happiness.  This person constantly criticizes and speaks doom. 
 
We don’t have to swoon over every happy couple that we see or lie about red flags in the relationship.  But we shouldn’t denounce a relationship out of secret envy. We can learn from other people’s relationship some practices that may help us have a healthy and happy relationship. 
 

  1. One draws attention to his/her relationship status.

 
A bitter single friend seizes every opportunity to broadcast he/she is single. The conversation is about the ark. The friend jumps in saying, “I would’ve drowned because I’m #foreversingle. I wouldn’t have found someone to go marching 2×2 with into the ark.”
 
We do not have to broadcast our singleness. We are not defined by our relationship status. Let’s bring more attention to our character, and God-given gifts. 
 

  1. One boycotts Valentine’s Day and all things romantic.

 
No one is interested in reading the thesis on how Valentine’s Day is a fictitious holiday created to benefit retail manufacturers.
 
On Valentine’s Day, instead of posting a 100 line rant on Facebook (that no one will read), we can love ourselves and someone else. Take a widow or a foster child to the movies.  Tell ourselves (and the homeless person we’ve ignored) that we’re loved, valuable, and treasured.
 
Before you can hope to have a successful relationship, you have to uproot that bitter root.  If you don’t, bitterness will keep growing, producing a harvest of pain for you and the people in your world.  Precious moments of joy will be stolen. Worst of all the bitterness will not magically disappear when you find someone and get married. Instead of single and bitter, you’ll be married, discontent, and bitter. 
 
Nip bitterness in the bud. And remember, “All things in their due season.” God’s got you boo.  Relax, trust Him, and  #beJOYful!

 
Joy Oguntimein is a speaker, writer, educator, and consultant,  She lives by the motto Jesus. Others. You.  She believes if you live life following Jesus, walking with others, and being authentically you, then you’ll thrive and #beJOYful through life’s expected and unexpected pivotal moments. Her desire is to cure basic-ness by stirring up the gifts and treasures within others. Joy is a Jesus loving, trouble making lady.