Category: Spiritual Intimacy

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Single Spiritual Intimacy

Defeated: My Family’s Demons Are Stronger than Me

Written by:  Briana Whiteside
 
I didn’t stand a chance.
 
It is quite intriguing that the words family and familiar are spelled almost exactly alike. The Latin spelling of the word family, familia, means to be a servant of a household, while familiar means to be close and intimate; however, further research into familiar leads back to family. I think it is telling that these words are almost synonymous with one another, especially since our familial ties can hold us hostage.
 
Sometimes, the familiar is dangerous and counterproductive to our progress as we attempt to follow Christ. I would also go as far as to suggest that familial ties have the power to stagnate our lives in ways that other relationships cannot. Therefore, we have to recognize that in order to be successful in our pursuit of God, we have to figure out which characteristics He entrusted to us, and which are the hindrances from ancestral lineages.
 
Lineages are very important to us because they provide clues to the outcome of our lives. Think about it. At a doctor’s appointment, they ask that patients to fill out a questionnaire about the history of their family. At the minimum, the doctor seeks information about three generations of individuals within one family.  This is not simply happenstance but highlights an understanding of the importance of familial ties. Ultimately, doctors understand that families have a lot in common including genes, environment, and livelihoods. Taken together, these may provide clues to generational ailments that could surface in a family. By investigating these patterns, healthcare professionals can determine if an individual, other family members, or even future members are susceptible to developing certain conditions.
 
If this is true in the natural it is definitely true spiritually. Think about people in your family who have distinctive commonalities. Perhaps all the men in your family die prematurely or end up in jail. Maybe all the women in your family get pregnant out of wedlock or are bitter. All of these commonalities could be clues about what has attached itself to your family lineage and what might be after you.
 
This is a hard reality. I must admit that this will not be an easy thing to combat because the normalcy of our family seduces us into the comfort of its hold. But, we have to do something distinctive if we hope to live differently. Sometimes what we don’t realize is that God, the devil, and our families are always competing for our understanding of identity and thus our destiny. These three opposing perspectives will each show you the benefits of following their path, but each will not be in your best interest.
 
Sometimes it is hard to decipher if our familial characteristics are causing us to live beneath who we were created to be. More often than not, these are also the very traits that are used to identify us as family. The battle then becomes one of deciding whether to cater to our identity in God or our parents. If I can be honest, there was a time that I had difficulty deciding between the two, which is why I chose the familial lifestyle that was most familiar. Unfortunately, this “small” choice took me down a destructive path that cost me a lot of time in the wilderness. So, I caution you to choose God! I’m telling you this because I know what it’s like to fight demons attached to my last name.
 
I descend from a line of strong black women who are single mothers. They are phenomenal women, but when I say strong, I mean strong! Again, this is a common trait, but just because it is normal in my family doesn’t mean it is right. Anything outside of the will of God or His initial plan for a thing is perverted. The operation of strength in spite of God leads to idolatry and He is clear on his position on the matter. Therefore, I want to challenge you to spend time locating the lineage commonality in your family and test that characteristic against the Bible to see if it aligns. Ask God to reveal any hindrances to your life that are a result of your familial lineage. You should record anything he shows you or anything that comes to mind. Remember, whatever is not in alignment with the Word of God is wrong no matter how normal it may seem to us.
 
While it is true that your ancestry has the ability to dictate to you the ways in which you live, when you overcome the generational curses assigned to your last name, there is a level of freedom that you will operate in. Ultimately, there is hope! Just as certain traits follow families for several generations, the Lord gives a promise in Psalm 105:8 that He remembers His covenant and promises for a thousand generations. Today, we measure a generation by twenty-five years or so, and if this understanding is applied to the scripture, it means that God’s word will be fulfilled from 25,000 years prior. I wonder how far back we would have to travel to see the original promise in our families. Would we even know to whom the promise was made? Think about the children of Israel, God made several promises to them and we are privy to the ramifications of some of them as revealed in the scriptures: wealth, virtue, influence, and force, to name a few.
 
What promises has God made to you? What promises will you see, if you obey his word and break free of the generational cycles? Think of your siblings, friends, your children, and grandchildren. They are all depending on your act of obedience and willingness to break free.
 
This is why you need to sign up for The Break The Cycle Challenge. You don’t want to be the only one in 2018 who is still haunted by the reality of their past.
 
Married & Young’s FREE 4-day “Break The Cycle” challenge starting on Monday, February 5. We are breaking the patterns off our lives NOW so we don’t repeat them later. Click HERE to sign up!
 

Categories
Physical Intimacy Single Spiritual Intimacy

The Day I Reached My Breaking Point

Written By: Jessica Dent
 
At some point or another, we all reach a breaking point where we’re forced to come to the end of ourselves. When we do come to our own end, there should be something there waiting for us, offering us another option, another way out from our former lives. If at the end of yourself, you find nothing there to usher you into something new, uncomfortable, and challenging then you will likely go back to what kept you comfortable. You would be going back into your cycle. When will it end? When will you finally want more for yourself and not keep yourself comfortable on the cushion of mediocrity? When will you realize that what shaped you in your beginning does not have to be your ending (Ecclesiastes 7:8)? The cycle that your parents groomed you in doesn’t have to be the same for you, your children, or your future spouse (2 Corinthians 5:17).
 
Since I was 15 years old, fending for myself was my way of life. If no one did it for me, then I had to do it for myself. If I needed money, I worked for it–legally of course. If my brother and I needed food, I bought it.  If the lights needed to stay on, then I took care of the bill. I was a working teenager in high school trying to maintain a household for my brother, my drug-addicted mother, and myself. I grew up with the hustle mindset which would later lead me to the worship of self and ultimately develop the spirit of pride. Sure, I believed that God existed, but seeing Him as my Father, let alone my provider? I didn’t quite know Him back then but instead, I knew of Him. I was extremely prideful and I was nothing short of an orphan, literally and spiritually, and filled to the brim with insecurities. But when you’re surviving, you’re too busy to notice that you’re bleeding along the way.
 
I was a foster child and was later adopted. My birth mother was also an addict and I never knew my father. Yes, just in case you’re asking me, both my birth and adopted mothers struggled with drug addiction abuse. Along the way though, I thought I did pretty good “keeping it all together”, and then relationships happened and my mess showed. I dove into those relationships head first and with no sobriety and you can pretty much go down the checklist to see why. I was looking for love in all the wrong places and I really mean in all the wrong people– not just romantic but in friendships and parental relationships. Nothing seemed to fit the way I desired it to, which explains why when I gave my life 100% over to Christ, the relationships that I tried to force were stripped away.
 
My lack of identity helped to cultivate my pattern of toxic relationships. During that time, I was in pursuit of the greatest love that I would ever know, but learned that nothing would compare to it once I experienced it. God was the first love that I didn’t have to fall for. All that time I was in pursuit of God but didn’t know it. Therefore, my thirst led me to the wrong things, the wrong relationships, and I kept them all past their expiration dates. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties when I realized that I was coming to the end of myself. That was when I realized that I was bleeding and in need of medical attention. The cycles that I found myself in were later introduced to The Breaker–Jesus. My future couldn’t look like what my past was. Enough was enough and I had to be broken. However, not by the hands of another, but gracefully this time by the hands of God.  If any of this speaks to you then I urge you to BREAK THE CYCLE, starting NOW! I wholeheartedly believe in what the 4-day Break the Cycle Challenge is all about and if you want to get free from the past for a healthy future and marriage, then you honestly don’t want to miss out. Your future does not have to look like your past (Philippians 3:13). Are you ready to come to the end of yourself now? Sign up HERE !

Categories
Single Spiritual Intimacy

Who Am I?: 3 Truths to Get Your Identity Rooted

Written by: Kayla Thomas
 
Have you ever looked at yourself and thought, “Who is this imposter?” “I don’t even recognize myself!” “Who am I?” “What is the meaning of my life?” “Who am I supposed to be?” These are all tough statements and questions, but they are rooted in one cause: identity crisis. When you can honestly look at yourself and not recognize who you are, or question aspects of yourself, that is a clear indicator of an internal conflict of identity. How do I know? Well, I’ve been there–many times.
 
I remember the first time I struggled with my “place” in the world, I was 14 years old and just starting high school. My mom bought me a few velour sweatsuits (the fashion at that time, thanks to Jennifer Lopez) and I wore one to school. Let me tell you, it seemed like every guy in my school had a sexual comment about me and the way I looked in that suit. It happened so often that, although it made me uncomfortable, I began to think it must be normal. This was “confirmed” by how some of my new friends would interact with guys in the school. As a way of fitting in, I would do what “my girls” were doing. If they were hugging guys in the corner, so was I. If they were poking out certain body parts to attract attention, so was I. If they were skipping class to hang out with the football team in the cafeteria, so was I. You know what the crazy thing about this was? I actually hated doing all of those things. So why did I? Because my identity was rooted in what my friends were doing rather than in what I enjoyed doing. Do you see how this could be dangerous?
 
Allow me to give you another example. Several of my friends in university were attracted to the same sex. They would often invite me to LGBT events and clubs and, while I was attracted to the opposite sex, I would go. I have to admit, I enjoyed the music and the “vibes” at these events. Eventually, I started questioning if I was attracted to the same sex as well. This started me down a dangerous path of “dabbling” with same-sex relationships. Throughout this experimentation phase, I knew something didn’t feel right. I proceeded anyway because I “knew” that if I was enjoying myself so much in the LGBT community, then my sexual orientation must align with that community as well. So what changed? I hit my version of rock bottom and a friend invited me to her church thinking it would give me some peace. Eventually, as I began learning who God said I was, I had a personal conviction that what I was doing was wrong.
 
So what does God say about me? I spent many years stuck in a cycle of “discovering” and “reshaping” who I was, or who I thought I should be. It wasn’t until I discovered these 3 biblical truths and meditated on them, that I realized who I was in Christ all along:
 

  1. I’m chosen and blameless! Ephesians 1:4 says that “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.” Have you ever done something to try and catch the attention of someone and it doesn’t work? Doesn’t that leave you wondering “why not me?” or “what’s wrong with me?” Well, God chose us before we could do anything to stand out to him and guess what? Before Him we stand faultless. All the mistakes we’ve made in our past, once we repent and turn back to God, are wiped clean!

 

  1. I’m an heir! Galatians 4:7 says that we are no longer slaves, but children of God —this makes us heirs! It takes an attitude adjustment to go from a slave mentality to an heir mentality. Slaves work so hard for little to nothing in return, but heirs don’t need to work for the inheritance they are to receive. Everything I do as a Christian is not to earn a “better” place in heaven; it’s to share with everyone the joy and gratitude I feel being a part of large spiritual family with a Father who loves me for who I am!

 

  1. I’m accepted! This truth shakes me to the core. Everything I did in the past, all the poor mistakes, was to be accepted by my peers —who never really accepted me, anyway! To know that I’m fully accepted by God (Romans 15:7), and I don’t have to do anything to earn it, leaves me in constant awe.

 
Not knowing who you are is a tough struggle to deal with. Friends, there is no reason why you need to continue walking out in life in a state of internal confusion. That is why the “Break the Cycle” challenge is so necessary. Thousands have already said “yes” to dedicating 4 days to break the cycles of toxic relationships, identity crisis, financial strife, and generational curses. What is stopping you from saying yes? You have everything to gain and nothing lose! Click here to take your first step to freedom. 

Categories
Physical Intimacy Single Spiritual Intimacy

You Need More Jesus, Not More Sex.

Written by: Richelle Henry
I remember staring at the shadow of his figure moving from the bed and out of the bedroom door.  All I could do was lay there and wonder, “how did I get I here?”  How in the world did my good ol’ Christian self, end up in this man’s bed?  I should have gone home! I should have told him no! I should have left when he told me to! But…I stayed. I stayed out of brokenness. I stayed out of loneliness. I stayed out of desperation. I just wanted to be held. I wanted to feel important. I wanted to feel wanted.
I can remember this day and many others like it, like they all occurred yesterday. The feelings of pseudo-comfort, shame, disgust, disappointment, and guilt are what I recall the most. It seems that the soul screams the loudest in those, “You KNEW better” scenarios. I mean, I’ve heard of boundaries. I’ve been saved all of my life. I remember the strict “courtship” rules of no phone calls after 9pm and even going on group dates. But, that advice didn’t work for me. I still made the decision to act upon a desire that left me feeling unredeemable and ultimately separated from God.
You’re probably asking yourself as I did in the moments stated above–Where do I go from here? Do I mourn and grieve over the fact that I knew better and still chose to disobey? I knew the scripture that said I should flee from sexual immorality (See 1 Corinthians 6:18)—but my wounded heart had me making strides towards it instead. Do I run back and keep engaging in the act because, “hey, I already fell? I already have to repent.” Or do I get out of this bed, go before the Lord and be as totally transparent as possible in total confidence that He will hear me and answer?
I suggest that you choose the latter of all these options.
I know that you’re probably feeling really disappointed in yourself. The last time was supposed to be the last time—right? I hear you and can feel the shame that you’re probably carrying. But let me encourage you with this—the Father loves you and longs to restore you. When you think of the word restoration, what comes to mind? Repairing? Making whole? Well, the word “restore” means to bring something back to its original condition due to its current condition being either disfigured, used, or altered. Don’t you know that the Lord can bring you back to the version He intended on you becoming—before you fell. But you must be open and completely transparent with Him throughout the process. You’re probably asking, “what is there to be honest about? He’s God. He should know!” Yes, you’re correct. However—the transparency isn’t for God—it’s for you. It’s for you to become aware of the roots, reasons, and decisions along the way that may have caused you to fall. Transparency heightens your awareness so that you can better assess your heart and the manner in which it responds to crisis, traumas, setbacks, and even temptations.
Let’s start here. Why did you fall? What caused you to make the decision to engage in another one-night stand, “friend with benefits,” or engage in another “we’ll repent about this later..” moment?  Your reasons are bigger than just wanting to feel good. While that may be some of the reason, remember that even pleasure has a motive. I repeat—pleasure ALWAYS has a motive.  Find out what may have triggered you. What were you thinking of when you made the decision? Was it a bad day? A moment where thoughts of low self-esteem were clouding your mind? Were you wanting to feel valued or appreciated? Struggling with issues of rejection? Feeling unwanted? Loneliness? Regardless of what your reason was, remember that in these moments, it was your soul crying out for Christ, not just your body longing to be touched.
You see, when we talk about sexual sin—it’s so much bigger than a moment—it’s a decision. It’s a decision that places sexual pleasure and the like on a pedestal of “better,” over Christ’s ability to truly fulfill. Christ and Christ alone satisfies (See Psalm 62:1). He’s the only one that can come and drown loneliness, rejection, abandonment, insecurity, low self-esteem, hurt, or sadness with the currents of His love. When we make the decision to tread in the waters of sexual sin—we run the risk of drowning in that which we are meant to rise above—the snares and traps of sin. But with Christ and in Christ, you are well-equipped to deal with sexual sin—because He’s already overcome it (See 1 Corinthians 15:56-57)
Choose today to hit ignore, cancel that standing appointment on Friday night, and make a new decision. Make the decision to be completely open before the Lord and ask Him to fill you. Go to Him in confidence that He will cleanse you (See Psalm 51:2), empower you to resist temptation (See 1 Corinthians 10:13), and will ultimately fill and satisfy the voids within you (See Psalm 107:9).
“Come back to me, you wayward people. I want to cure your waywardness. Say, ‘Here we are. We come to you because you are the LORD our God.”- Jeremiah 3:22
His embrace and love alone can fill those longings—not another. Run to Him, instead.
 
LISTEN! Don’t forget to Join me and thousands of others on Married & Young’s FREE 4-day “Break The Cycle” challenge starting on Monday, February 5. We are breaking the patterns OFF our lives NOW, so we don’t repeat them later. Click HERE to sign up!

Categories
Communication Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

2 Tips to Help Guard Against Intruders In Your Marriage

Cheerful couple relaxing together at home with cup of coffee.

Over the years, I have been seeing how today’s society doesn’t value the sanctity of marriage. More and more couples are experiencing the devastation of broken marriages and divorces. From a Christian perspective, God values marriage. God’s idea of marriage consists of an unbreakable covenant between a man and woman (Matthew 19:6). It is His desire that marriages be instruments that He can use to show the image of His faithfulness and everlasting love to the world (John 13:35).
At a marriage seminar a few years ago, my husband and I heard a powerful story surrounding the circular shape of your ring and how it is a symbol of protection from “invasions” into your relationship. We learned that it is important to cover your marriage and guard against “invasions” that seek to gain access to destroy your union. Here are 2 “invaders” that we learned to look out for to share for growth in your marriage:

  1. Time Stealers. Time is something that couples should invest in their marriage. It is too easy to let time stealers invade moments designed for quality time with the one you love. Be careful to not let subtle time stealers such as hobbies, emails, TV, Facebook, Instagram, and other social media become distractions that stunt growth. Here are a few tips to reclaim quality time to find intimate moments together:
  • Schedule weekly date nights.
  • Cook dinner together.
  • Send your spouse love notes by email and text during the day.
  • Cuddle while watching a movie.
  • Take a weekend to spontaneously travel and experience new things together.
  1. Emotion Stealers. Communication is a must have in your marriage. After all, intimate talks to share your heart, feelings, goals, and dreams deepen your marriage’s bond and connection. However, improper relationships can seek to “invade” the space that only belongs to your spouse. This can take the form of sharing your heart with someone of the opposite sex or “venting” to friends about your spouse. Remember, honoring your commitment to God and your spouse requires continual connection and communication to strengthen your marriage (Proverbs 4:23).

These 2 tips will help you guard against invasions to solidify growth and build your marriage as God’s platform to reflect Him and your commitment to Him for all to see.
Husbands and wives: Are there any other intruders that you could share that you have encountered in your marriage? Please feel free to share below!

Categories
Communication Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

3 Ways to Support Your Spouse During Life Challenges

Portrait Of Loving African American Couple In Countryside

In marriage, no couple is exempt from life challenges. Unexpected life situations happen that have the potential to create disconnections and disagreements that upset the balance of your relationship. Challenges come in the form of job changes, work-life demands, emotional struggles, and monetary setbacks. At these life turns, your spouse will need your encouragement and support.
Being grounded in God helps couples during the challenges of life. Ecclesiastes 4 speaks of two being better than one and a cord of three strands cannot be easily broken (vv. 9,12). When couples have God in the center of their marriage and friendship, His presence is the source of their strength through any challenges they face together.
Here are three practical ways to encourage and support your spouse that will continue strengthening your relationship when facing challenges:

  1. Spend time in prayer. When you and your spouse pray together, powerful things happen and your marriage is strengthened to withstand life challenges. 1 John 5:14-15 says how bold and free we become in His presence, freely asking according to His will because we know He is listening. And since we are confident God is listening, we already know that what we asked for is done.
  2. Major on love. Do you know the unique needs of your husband or wife? What is their love language that you can major on to provide support to them? 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is the template for love and support. Not only does this passage of Scripture show us a visual of how to love others, it draws us closer to God as we mirror His example in our marriages.
  3. Elevate Your Partnership. The greatest gift is affirming, encouraging, and understanding what your spouse may be dealing with. Facing challenges as a unified team are opportunities to:
  • Be a good listener to communicate love and respect (James 1:19)
  • Have conversations that speak of value and commitment as you work and grow together (Colossians 4:6).
  • Grow your faith in God to navigate through the challenges of life (James 1:2-4).

Let’s start a conversation! How have you encouraged and supported your spouse? Please share in the comments below.
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Single Spiritual Intimacy

Don't Waste Your Single Season!

Do you find yourself in your singleness wondering when your season will change into marriage? Well, now is the time to shift your perspective. Your singleness is a blessing from God! It is a waiting season that can produce joy as you prepare for the one God has for you. Here are 3 practical tips to enjoy your singleness and use this season wisely.

  1. Focus on your first love. Matthew 22:37 states to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” Look to God as your total source of joy, purpose, love, and meaning. When God occupies the #1 spot in your life, you will have joy as you wait and prepare for your mate. Here are some ways to focus on God as your first love:
  • Spend intentional time in God’s Word and journal what God is speaking to you.
  • Pray and worship daily.
  • Serve your church and community.
  1. Guard your heart. Proverbs 4:23 speaks of guarding your heart because it is the wellspring of life. This means your thoughts, words, and actions overflow from your heart. Putting any desire before God is considered an idol. Make it your top priority to stay joyful and guard against the idol of overly desiring a mate in your singleness.

Your waiting season is a gift, remember to stay open to your now! Enjoy your singleness, have fun, and stay in a place of excitement and openness to God’s blessings as you wait (Psalm 27:14). God has that special someone that He will present in His timing. He knows your future and is working out all the details of your love story.

  1. Start with the man or woman in the mirror. In this season, God is using this time to change you and make you more like Him. Proverbs 27:19 says that “as water reflects the face, one’s life reflects the heart. Don’t spend too much time focusing on “a list” of qualities that you want in your potential mate. Focus on being the right person for who God brings into your life. What are ways to focus on yourself as you wait?
  • Stay positive! (see Nehemiah 8:10, Psalm 28:7)
  • Take cooking classes.
  • Read godly books on character development and listening/communication skills for marriage preparation.
  • Pray and ask God to reveal a habit or weak area that may be a hindrance to marriage. When God reveals it, set small goals each day to strengthen yourself to overcome that area.

These three tips will help you stay out of a place of loneliness and embrace your season of singleness with joy. What other ways have worked for you as you enjoy your singleness?

Categories
Communication Home Marriage Parenting Spiritual Intimacy

3 Priorities to Build the Best Marriage Ever

Closeup portrait of a young couple, guy in yellow shirt kissing woman with blue shirt, happy moments, positive human emotions on isolated outdoors outside background.

Priorities are important for a godly marriage. When there is no order in your marriage, the enemy will major in creating division in your union. Here are 3 good and practical priorities to help keep your marriage flowing in line with God’s principles:

  1. Love God first. Mark 12:30 states to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” The Lord must be first in your marriage to keep the foundation of your marriage strong. When we love Him, we can love others from that outflow. Here are some ways to keep God in the #1 spot of your life:
  • Study the Word of God daily.
  • Spend time each day in prayer and worship with your spouse.
  • Encourage and spend time with other godly couples.
  1. Be your spouse’s best friend. Ephesians 5:22-25 speaks of how wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. Likewise, husbands are to love their wives, as Christ loved the church. Your marriage and friendship are like a garden, what you plant is what you get out of it.

Remember romance and sex are important but building a friendship solidifies the foundation of your marriage. Scheduling date nights, taking spur-of-the-moment getaways, spending quality time without phone or computer distractions, and buying one another spontaneous gifts are some ways of keeping your relationship a priority.

  1. Don’t forget your children and family. The next priority after your marriage is your family. After all, ministry starts at home. 1 Timothy 5:8 says that if we do not care for our relatives and immediate family, then we deny the Christian faith and operate as unbelievers. What does making this a priority look like?
  • Creating a family mission statement that intentionally values Christlike development.
  • Spending time with your children to teach and raise them up as the next generation of leaders for Christ (Proverbs 22:6).
  • Building up, encouraging, and supporting your family to walk and keep growing in love of God.

These three practical priorities will cause love and grace to flow in your marriage. What other priorities could you set as a game changer for your marriage?

Categories
Communication Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

3 Habits to Maintain Integrity In Your Marriage

Beautiful young couple is talking and smiling while sitting on sofa at home. Man is holding a cup

So what does it mean to be a man or woman of integrity?  The meaning of integrity comes from the Latin adjective ‘integer’, which means “soundness or wholeness.” This translates to husbands and wives being honest and having strong godly principles.  When integrity is present in your marriage, there is an alignment between your relationship with God and actions towards your spouse. Here are some simple habits that can help you maintain integrity in your marriage:

1. Be Trustworthy. 2 Corinthians 4:2 says that “we refuse to wear masks and play games. We don’t maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don’t twist God’s Word to suit ourselves.  Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open.” In marriage, integrity proves your motives and opens the door to cultivating trust. Being authentic and trustworthy is the key ingredient to building love and respect between you and your spouse. Building integrity is a plus because it creates a determination for you and spouse to stick to godly standards, even when it’s hard or not a popular stance.

2. Live Your Values. What are your core values? Do your motivating factors in your marriage match God’s principles? Are you the same person in private as you are in public? Proverbs 11:3 says that “the integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” These are questions to consider because your values affect your marriage. What we do in private reflects our heart’s condition.  Holding yourself accountable, developing sound values, and communicating those values will speak volumes of your integrity in your marriage. Remember, living out your godly values is key to walking the talk of integrity.

3. Protect Your Marriage.  Integrity protects the health of your marriage, where your spouse gains confidence in the consistency of your integrity and behavior. However, when the integrity of your marriage is compromised, it can create a threat to the success of your marriage that damages the climate of trust in your marriage. Husbands and wives protect their marriage by maintaining a willingness to share their deepest feelings, desires, concerns, and hurts.

God is glorified and delighted as we pursue integrity.  The value of maintaining integrity in your marriage is important because it is the glue that holds you and your spouse together. Using these simple habits in tandem with continued development of godly character, will help you maximize integrity for marital growth.

Categories
Communication Marriage Parenting Spiritual Intimacy

Three Everyday Moments You’re Under-Appreciating

Family laughing around a good meal in kitchen

My wife and I have fallen in love with the Pearson family from the hit NBC dramedy, This Is Us. It depicts a family growing and becoming who they are over the passage of time. We love the realism of the family dynamics, the un-glamorous “real-talk” of the husband and wife, and the lessons that make you realize that God is truly in the details.
I love that it highlights the simple moments. The dad is a hard-working, loving, blue-collar worker, and the mom is a stay-at-home mom with musical aspirations. Simple moments, like being at the pool on a sweltering summer day, or turning a bad Thanksgiving Day into a family tradition, are what make This Is Us really shimmer.
America needs this. America needs to be reminded of God’s gift of family in the little moments. We are apparently under the delusion that life is only significant on the mountain tops. But if we aren’t careful, we are going to look up and see that we shunned the glorious by ignoring the ordinary.
But God is building something in your family, and it is worth paying attention to.
You may be under-appreciating these three everyday moments that, though seemingly ordinary, are actually holy.

  1. Dinner time moments. Humanity has been gathering around a meal since the dawn of time. These are pivotal moments for a young family that will culminate into forming the bedrock of your children, marriage, and family dynamics. This isn’t just a culinary experience; it’s a spiritual one. Before Jesus went to the Cross, He sat down with His disciples for a meal. (Matthew 26:20-30) After His resurrection, when His disciples were trying in vain to catch fish, Jesus was ready to serve them breakfast. (John 21:1-14) Don’t rush through your four-year-old’s never-ending story. You’re going to miss that someday. Actually listen to your spouse divulge all the messy details about his or her day—and don’t forget to share yours too.
  2. Hard communication moments. My wife and I have not had many intense fights in our marriage, thankfully. But we have had tension, as every marriage will. But God is in those moments, too. In fact, there were times that I would be so frustrated by a conflict in our communication that I would tell my wife that I needed a walk. I always come back, though. Those walks usually end up being “walks to the Cross.” I see how I contributed to the dissonance, receive some discipline from my Heavenly Father, and re-enter the house with a genuine posture of humility. Don’t take moments like these for granted. My walks to the Cross have led me to the feet of Jesus every time—and our family has grown in spite of those hard communication moments.
  3. Hilarious moments. Last year, I used some money I received for my birthday to purchase a TV for our bedroom, so we could have mini-dates at home. Last week, my four-year-old son threw a truck at that TV. My wife called me on the way home from work so I could prepare for it. I was…bothered…to say the least. Nevertheless, I walked in the house, kissed my wife, and hugged my children. Yes, even my four-year-old. He looked up at me and said, “But Daddy, I need to tell you da twoof (truth). I thwoo (threw) my twuck at the TV and bwoke it.” I laughed—a lot. “I know, son. It’s just a TV, and you’re just a kid. I love you more than any old TV. It’s OK.” These are moments that build a legacy.

Don’t miss God in these small moments.