Tag: husbands

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Communication Dating/Courting Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

What I Learned When My Wife Was Hurting

Man comforting his sad mourning friend embracing her in a park

Recently, I woke up. The cloud of busyness that I had been encapsulated in finally dissipated, and I was left to realize that my wife really needed me, but I had been too distracted. I wept and repented when I realized that my oblivion had left her vulnerable and wide open. I’m her covering. This is what I signed up for: to love, honor, and cherish Sarah.
I am going to love and cover my wife, the way Jesus loves and covers His Church. (Ephesians 5:25)
In the instance of seeing my role as my wife’s servant leader and protector, I realized that a husband loving his wife as Jesus loves His Church is her greatest champion. Her mighty man. I love turning the tables of modern manhood and seeing my wife, not I, as the one who should be displayed. Peter tells us that wives are the “weaker vessel.”
Not weak, though, in the sense of being defenseless and unstable. A better translation would be delicate. This phrase in Greek literally means fine china. (1 Peter 3:7)
In this moment of drawing a line—no, a trench—in the sand: vowing to protect and lead my wife with love, respect, attention, and to love her with abandon, I came to realize three truths about when my wife is hurting.

 1. What hurts her, hurts me.

When a husband sheds his passivity like a worn, overused garment, it is refreshing. I tore off that indifference with a vengeance when I saw that I had turned a blind eye to my wife’s pain—and it seared like an iron when I learned this. To love your wife as Christ loves His Church is to feel such empathy for her pain that you clench your fists until your knuckles whiten , and you shout through clenched teeth, “Give it to me, Lord, if it will take it off of her!”

 2. The enemy of her soul better watch his back.

The next swelling emotion that I experienced after feeling her pain was anger and fury towards the enemy of her soul, who tries to rob her peace and stifle her joy. Your wife was not created to be a victim. She was created to represent the beauty, grace, and strength of God to the world. When the enemy tries to choke out that vibrant life that God fused into her soul, you—like me—will roar. And roar you must. The battered woman image is a façade that undermines the dignity and value that God bestowed upon women. Rebuke the enemy and glorify the name of Jesus in her midst! When your wife is too weary to cry out her battle cry, then cry it out for her.

 3. Whoever blesses her, blesses me.

Finally the storm subsided. Friends and mentors gather around her and you get “tagged out” to rest so others could surround her. This happened to me. A spiritual mother and sisters in her life came to her side and spoke truth over my wife’s heart. My joy returned because her joy returned. God knows this sentiment. Genesis 12:3 tells of God’s burning heart for Israel, how those who bless Israel will be blessed by God. Why? Because He is so invested in His people that when others pour into Israel, He cannot help but pour out His love in return. The Lord is the ultimate example of a husband: He is the Champion of His Bride, and what blesses her, blesses Him—causing Him in return to bless.
Husbands, let’s champion our wives’ position in the Kingdom and defend her against the lies and libels that the enemy tries to place upon her!
 
 
 

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Communication Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

Three Ways the Modern Husband is Coming Undone

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The American Joke

In 2016 alone, I’ve seen three extremely strong marriages of people we are close to, crumble to nothingness –two of which are ending in bitter, brutal divorce. Is it her or is it him? Can we all agree that the way that Americans and probably Westerners do life is just plain insane? We run at a very reckless 10,000,000 miles an hour, exhausted and pushed to our max with the laughable attempt at balancing living for Jesus, work, family, friendships, dreams, meanwhile we wonder why something fails.
This pace in which we live is akin to juggling five 100 pound backpacks, riding a unicycle on a trapeze at 75 miles an hour, over an 8,000 foot precipice.
And we toss stones when someone falls? Explain that one to me, please.
And allow me to get off topic for a minute: we were never meant to add Jesus to the “juggling act.” He isn’t an addendum to our lives. He is Life; and the moment we seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, we begin to realize that all things are falling into place!
Wives, men today aren’t stupid. Husbands, women today aren’t demented. We are busy. We are over-worked, worried, overly overwhelmed. We’re just tired (among other things).

Men’s Problems Today

But something happens, sometimes, in the fray: we get frayed. In that place of constant battering, some men react poorly. I’m not saying that these apply to every man, but a great many, certainly.
Here are three ways that I see modern husbands coming undone:

  1. Men are distracted. Some men bury themselves in video games; others dive into hunting or fishing. Hobbies are excellent and even crucial to be able to decompress from life’s stresses. But the problems arise when men stop seeing their wives; wives become invisible, because men are too involved in escapism.
  2. Men are passive. Passivity is a problem in American men. Since when is it OK to watch your family fall apart, while you shake your head in disbelief, but don’t rise up and take threats to your family by the horns? Men don’t lead; they stay at home from church and let their wives plead with them to give church one more try. I understand discouragement. I understand dismay, but many men would rise above their problems if they would only stand and lead.
  3. Men have their priorities backwards. Men today are willing to roar like lions in the football stands, but run like sheep in the Church. Husbands can manage their jobs with precision and skill, but managing their home life doesn’t take precedence. Men, it’s time to have a vision for your family as big as, or bigger than your vision for your future.

These don’t represent every man, but I would say that most men struggle with one or more of them. Husbands, seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness. Women, don’t be discouraged by your husbands, but continue to affirm his place of sonship in the Kingdom.
Husbands, we are seeing a cultural decline in the West. What would happen if more men caught the vision of God for their families, and loved their wives and kids—with the knowledge that doing family life well can literally shape a culture?
 
 
 
 

Categories
Engaged Marriage

A High Calling: Loving My Wife, God's Princess

Cute loving couple is standing and embracing. They are holding a cup of coffee and smiling. The man is kissing a woman with love

A High Summon
Imagine this: you—a son of the Most High, a prince in God’s Kingdom—are summoned to the holy throne of God with a new assignment. He unveils a beautiful woman, pure and radiant. She is adorned in glorious white, clothed in His righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). He locks eyes with you and says, “Behold: your bride, My daughter. Love her and serve her as I have loved and served My Church. Help her to grow into the woman of righteousness I desire her to be.”
This may not have actually occurred in God’s physical Throne Room, but it occurred when you made a covenant.
Do you remember that feeling of terror after meeting your wife’s father or guardian for the first time? I sure do. My father-in-law is a pastor and he has a beautiful relationship with God, but I was sure he was praying that God would strike me dead!
My wife’s parents told me about the kind of man that they wanted for their daughter: a man who would lay down his life to provide for their daughter. A man who would love their daughter with holy and pure love. A man who would cover their daughter.
Do we honestly think that God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth and lover of your wife’s soul (and yours) wants anything less than the best worldly father’s standards?
Your wife is a princess. She is a daughter of the Most High. What mountains would you scale for a princess? What enemies would you fight off for a princess?
A Holy Calling
My marriage is a ministry. I am President and CEO of the ministry of “loving Sarah.” God called and ordained me from the foundation of Creation to be the guardian of this princess’s heart, and love her with everything within me.
How does one love a princess? By seeing the royalty underneath her humanity. My prayer is that I can see the greatness that the Lord deposited into my wife, and fight for her destiny through prayer and undying devotion. There is no one more postured in this princess’s life than her husband—her guardian and lover—to call out and nurture the greatness that lies beneath her earthly frame!
An Honorable Endeavor
When my wife’s parents granted me permission—with huge smiles, I might add—to marry their daughter, I walked away beaming. To put it simply, I was honored. I felt as if Heaven smiled upon me and granted me divine favor.Like an athlete receives a victor’s crown, I felt as though I had finished my course and earned a great reward.
Looking back at the last ten years, I can now see that the reward wasn’t in the permission granted, it has been the journey.
Husbands, God hand-picked you to steward His daughter‘s heart and life. What an honor!
At the end of the day, loving your princess is about discernment. It takes discernment to see God working in a difficult season. It takes discernment to rightly divide God’s truth in an atmosphere thick with deception.
It takes discernment to see anointing and princess-status of the woman you married.
Oh, God, grant us discernment that we may see your beautiful daughter as you do! Don’t let us see her through earth-bound eyes, but help us to catch glimpses of true riches deposited in the hearts of our wives.

Categories
Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

The DNA of a Husband's Leadership

Few Scriptures have provoked more push-back from the world like Ephesians 5:22 which says, “Wives, submit to your husbands.” If you want to stir “a woman scorned” to an hour long tirade, mention this verse. If you want to send forth a rallying cry to manipulators and controllers, to rend marriage into madness, mention this verse.
Many have abused this principle and oppressed the woman’s role in marriage, which has had some horrific ramifications. I have seen husbands use this verse to control their wives, by attaching a “thus saith the Lord” prefix to whatever carnal desires are swirling around in their misguided heads.
Why, oh why does Paul even mention this? If it could potentially do so much damage, cause so much division, and stir so much confusion, what is the problem? This is actually a very beautiful verse. Context, friends, context. After charging the church to “submit to one another,” Paul specifically mentions wives to submit to their husbands. Why? Because he is talking to Christian husbands who will lead and love their wives, as Christ led and loved the Church; it is a two-way street of a wife agreeing to step into her husband’s covering, while the husband, in turn, agrees to cover. I didn’t say smother, and neither did Paul.
Let me clear up some misconceptions about a husband’s leadership.
Ephesians 5 describes a Jesus Who loves and sanctifies His own bride. Paul then relates loving one’s wife to loving one’s own body: nourish, protect, cherish. (Eph. 5:29)
1. Nourish. To nourish means “to nurture to growth.” What would happen if husbands worldwide intentionally fostered spiritual and emotional growth in their wives? Husbands should be incubators for their wives to flourish to be all that God designed them to be! God created a husband’s leadership to bring life. Newsflash: wives have a destiny in Christ, too. Husbands, champion your wife’s growth in Christ, and her purpose in the Kingdom!
2.  Protect. The Latin prefix “pro” means “toward,” while “tect” means cover. As we naturally protect (cover toward) our heads when a book falls off the shelf, I hope I have the same reflexive action to cover my wife when she’s in harm’s way. I experienced this a few years ago when someone verbally attacked my wife in my presence. I felt righteous anger rise up in me and I physically stood up, in front of my wife, and said, “Enough.” Funny how my instinct was to stand in front of her, because my intent was to shield her from danger. Husbands’ leadership in front is to shield their wives and children from oncoming attacks.
3. Cherish. When you cherish someone, you see that person as a precious, priceless treasure. Christ cherished and valued His Bride enough to pour out His blood on her behalf. Hebrews 12:2 says that Jesus “for the prize set before Him” suffered and died on that cross. You were that prize. I was that prize. A husband’s leadership role in his marriage calls him to cherish, value, treasure, adore his wife over all others.
The abuse of Scripture grieves me, but this one especially. What was always intended to be living, vibrant portrait of joyous marriage has been undermined and misapplied. Yes, Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands, but husbands also better be submitted (Eph. 5:21,23). If a man looks at this verse and sees permission for manipulation and emotional and/or spiritual abuse, he is blind and deceived. But nourishing, protecting, and cherishing? That’s a husband that wives want to stand beside.

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Single

What You Need to Know About Finding a Godly Husband

Attractive Afro-American couple using tablet, holding a cup and laughing while sitting on beanbag chairs against brick wall

 
They’re out there. Good men. Godly men. Real men. I know you’ve been burned, disappointed, disillusioned, even discouraged, but don’t be disbelieving. Unfortunately, you don’t hear this from mainstream media. Your wounded friends don’t tell you about the warrior-princes of the Kingdom, either. You may not even hear it from church! Men are either presented in our society as aloof, senseless buffoons, angry control-addicts, or sex-starved animals.
I want to assure you that these caricatures are not representative of Godly men who dream of being married, having children, and changing the world through Christ together. There is more. No, not all men are alike. No, not all men are pigs. As long as the world endures, there will be real men of God.
I hope these five tips will help you in your search for a Godly man:
 1. Pray. Many women I know tell me they have prayed specifically over their husband. They pray for his character, for his development into a man of God, and for overcoming his struggles. They pray over their husbands’ parents, friends, and influences. Some have even prayed for specific features, like hair and eye color! I think this is okay, but don’t get hung up on blue eyes if the Lord brings a brown-eyed man your way, who has the same values and goals as you. It is the heart of a man that God values and no one is more attractive than when the glory of the Lord shines through them (I Samuel 6:17).
2. Go where Godly men are.The truth is, you have to know where to find them. Godly men aren’t lurking in the places that the movies say they are. They aren’t occupying a barstool. They aren’t linking arms with multiple women at the clubs. They aren’t forgetting the name of the last girl from last night’s hookup.
They’re probably on their knees, praying for you.
 Don’t hide in your room and complain about not meeting anyone; go to the places you would want your husband to be found. Be active at church and church events. Bottom line: Godly men are seeking God. Seek God and you will find your husband. Wait on the Lord. I’m not trying to sound simplistic, but that is God’s heart for our lives: Seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)
3. Know who you don’t want. Define where your journey with the Lord is taking you, and determine to go there, not being distracted by people who will tie a weight around your ankles and deter you from your journey. Know what kinds of guys are dangerous to your relationship with the Lord. That being said, I have this caution: do not operate in a false spirit of discernment, wrongfully casting judgment on people in the name of “righteousness.” We can judge the fruit of one’s life, but we cannot see hearts. (Matthew 7:16)
4. Have Godly standards. To reiterate point #2, seek Christ yourself. Honor what God honors in a person. Be firmly rooted in your prayer life and Bible reading. Know how a Godly man honors a woman. Ask the Lord to search your heart and reveal any ungodly beliefs about Him and males in your life and ask Him to guide you.
5. Get ready. Pray for rain, and then grab your umbrella. Know how to manage finances, and how to manage your soul. Determine what you need to work on in yourself as preparation for merging your life to another human being. Pray, seek, fast. Thank God for who He has prepared for you. Rejoice that God’s ways are perfect!
 
 
 
 
 

Categories
Home Marriage

The 2 Ways Being an Proverbs 31 Wife Impacts Your Husband

The wife and husband have breakfast together in his kitchen.

Before you got married you had to have prayed to God to help make you a Proverbs 31 woman and you may have even vowed to be a Proverbs 31 Woman to one special man.
 
Some of those main qualities we find in a Proverbs 31 woman include:

  1. Her Faith in God.
  2. Her relationship with her Husband.
  3. Her mothering towards her children.
  4. Her care for her health.
  5. Her ability to serve.
  6. How she takes care of finances.
  7. How she works with her hands.
  8. How she takes care of the home.
  9. How she uses her time wisely.
  10. How she is a woman of beauty and excellence.

It is awesome when a woman is setting herself to be the woman of her man’s dreams which I can tell you now, any man would love a woman who embodies at least half of those qualities mentioned in Proverbs 31.
 
But, what I would like to tackle today is what impact does it have upon a man when his wife is striving to be the Proverbs 31 each day. This is important because it will encourage you to in knowing that your husband needs you to be striving to grow just like you need him to strive to grow.
 

  1. It makes him feel respected.

When I come home from work each day and my wife, who stays at home with our brand new 2 month old, not only has the baby sleep but the house cleaned and in order, I automatically feel a sense of respect and value.
Now, it’s not like this each day, but she has the desire that every time I come home from work for me to come home to peace and order. This causes me to want to work harder for her to make sure she has everything she needs to continue operating in her role during this season of our lives.
Which quality of being a Proverbs 31 woman causes your husband to feel respected? Maybe you work full time too, so it could be helping manage the finances or even managing the schedule for the family. Find out what your husband values, do it, and I guarantee when he feels respected it will cause him to go the extra mile in everything he does. There is nothing greater for a husband than to know he is loved and respected by his family.
 

  1. It will challenge him to be your Ephesians 5 Husband.

Your husband needs to be challenged because you are co-laborers together which means there are times when he is down and you will pick him up and there are times when you are down and he picks you up. No spouse is perfect and always okay. When you are striving to be the Proverbs 31 woman that will challenge your husband to be the Ephesians 5 husband he has the ability to be.
The Ephesians 5 husband is a man who leads his family well and sets an example as the head of the home. But although he may be the head, the wife is the body. They must work together as a team. This is not a challenge to make someone feel less than, but a challenge in order for one to see how great and necessary they really are. This is very attractive to your husband when you tell him how amazingly powerful he is.
I encourage you to look at that list of the qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman and assess which qualities you could strive to be better at in order to help your husband feel respected or to even challenge him in a healthy way to lead your home like he was created to.  Also, be sure to pray each day that God would cause these qualities to become a part of your nature so you do them without even thinking.

Categories
Communication Home Marriage

4 Ways To Not Be A Boring Husband

I was sitting on the couch last week looking across the living room at my gorgeous wife when I realized I had gotten in a rut.
It was the boring rut.
We can get caught in a rut overnight or slide into it slowly over weeks.
Here is what is dangerous about a Boring Rut:
Your wife can be OK with it.
She can be fine with just hanging out with you. She might even say she doesn’t need adventure or something different, because she is fine just being with you.
She may also be fine sitting with you watching a boring TV show. But, why not find an exciting show to watch together?
She may also be fine going to a restaurant and eating so-so food. But, why not find a restaurant that offers deliciously satisfying food?
So, what do you do when you realize you have become lazy and are living in a boring rut?  Here are 4 ways to get out of that boring rut:
1. You have to care
As a leader at work, I care that my employees are giving me 1/3 of their day. I want to maximize that time so they feel satisfied at work and are productive. Their satisfaction means something to me.
In the same way, you need to care that your wife deserves the best. You need to care that her satisfaction is a priority.  If you are apathetic, you need to repent of that and ask God to give you a hunger for a life-giving marriage.
2. Tweak the daily rituals
The monotonous rituals in your marriage can become boring or they can be inspiring.  Here are some ways to tweak them:
Coming home: Pull into your driveway and rev your care engine. This will work if your wife is home the same time as you. When she opens door and asks what you are doing. Tell her that your car is an extension of your love for her and the engine is an extension of your heart. As the engine revs up so your heart is reved up for her. Another way to tweak coming home is to kiss her for 10 seconds when you enter the house instead of going to the couch, checking mail, etc.
Convo’s: Go on a walk in the neighborhood compared to just sitting down in the house talking.
Date Night: Check local Facebook groups, etc to find new activities to do. Or do one thing that is different on your regular date night–something that you normally don’t do.
3. Know when you are falling back into the boring rut
If you are physically fit, you can check the scale, heart rate, etc. to know if you are staying fit. But, how do you measure if you have fallen back into the boring rut?
Here is a simple way for you to know:
Ask your wife, “On a scale of 1-10, how innovative or adventurous am I as a husband? Or ask, “I want you to be my biggest fan. What are some things I used to do in our marriage that you would really appreciate if I started doing again?”
4. Sustain the innovation in your marriage
In your work life, you probably either use Google calendar or Outlook to make your performance more productive, to not forget important meetings, and to ensure you stay on task.
You need to do the same thing with your marriage so you stay out of the boring rut.
Here are some marriage ideas to add to your calendar:
Times for you to brainstorm date ideas.
Times to randomly text your wife during the day to let her know you are thinking of her.
Time to plan your next weekend getaway.
When you need to buy a marriage book, listen to marriage podcast, etc.
Don’t allow a boredom rut to get deeper in your marriage. You are the innovator of your marriage. You are the creative architect of your marriage. Ask God to give you the passion to keep your marriage fresh.
Question: What have you done recently to keep your marriage out of the boredom rut?

Categories
Communication Marriage Parenting

4 Things to Teach Your Kids About Marriage

My five-year-old daughter is becoming an expert on all things related to womanhood. With my wife pregnant with our third child, Evy packs her shirt with clothes to be like her pregnant Mama. She also tenderly rocks her doll to sleep and speaks sweetly to the doll when it’s “awake.”
She dreams about her future marriage, talking about her wedding day and the man she wants to marry. She fantasizes about getting dressed up in her beautiful white wedding dress and wearing lipstick and earrings and dancing with her future husband. That’s when beads of sweat form on my forehead and I begin think: Who is this man going to be?
 
My ever-present prayer as I watch my daughter dream about her future is “Lord, help me set the standards for my children’s marriages.” As I fall on my face before the ultimate Father, I ask myself four questions that enable me to calibrate how to help my children have tangibly realistic and Godly standards when it comes to shaping their expectations.
 

1. Am I Showing My Kids How A Man Treats a Woman?

With a highly-impressionable three-year old son in the house, the way that he sees me treat his mom is going to shape his interactions with females. If he sees me covering and honoring my wife, and loving her with a pure and selfless love, then I can raise a son that Godly women ask God for. I want to set the standard for my daughter by causing her to mold her standards of a good man by how she sees me treat her mom. Our society has more than enough examples of men-gone-wrong. Do I esteem and cover my wife with the sacrificial love that Christ offers His Bride, laying a foundation for my children to build upon in their own future marriages?
 

2. Are We Demonstrating the Joy of Marriage?

I preach about marriage a lot, but to say that I enjoy my marriage almost seems redundant. But it’s true. There are scores of Christians who believe in the sanctity of marriage, and yet are miserable in their own marriages. But, our marriage brings us joy, and we long to express this joy to our kids. On date nights, we put on nice clothes and can’t contain our excitement. The kids sense our energy as we prepare to spend time together. They smile as we hug and laugh throughout the week. Are we able to continually live out that joy, even in the course of our day-to-day?
 

3. Does My Marriage Create Stability in Our Family?

On Friday afternoons when I come home from work, my daughter scurries up to me and screams, “Daddy! We’re going to be a family this weekend!” This is because my wife excitedly tells our kids on Fridays that Daddy won’t have to work on the upcoming weekend, which means we get to do things together. The litmus test that our families are stable is that our kids enjoy family time. To our little girl, our family isn’t complete when we’re not all together.
 

4. Are We Proving to Our Kids That Marriage God’s Way Works?

My wife and I just celebrated our tenth anniversary. I had planned a weekend getaway for my wife and me, but it dawned on me that anniversaries are also a family event. I brought home a cake for all of us to enjoy and explained to our kids that an anniversary is like a “family birthday,” celebrating the birth of our family together. We want our kids to see that the joy and fullness of our marriage is a result of God’s hand in our marriage and it works!
 
Marriage is an heirloom that we are constantly preparing to hand on to the next generation. The world won’t teach your children about marriage God’s way. What are you teaching your children about marriage?

Categories
Communication Home Marriage

Setting My Wife Up For Success

Categories
Single

10 Qualities of a Man Ready for Marriage

I started thinking about my unmarried or newly married friends and their dating/courting relationships. After you have committed to someone and have dated exclusively for some time, how do you know when you are ready to take the leap of faith and get married?
Marriage is wonderful but it can come with it’s challenges so you need to be prepared emotionally, spiritually, and financially to be happy beyond the wedding day.
This post is focused on the man especially since he is the head of the relationship. I have listed 20 qualities that I believe are attributes of a man ready for marriage. I decided to break this up into two separate articles to keep this one from being a book chapter instead of a blog post. Stay tuned for Part 2 and “Qualities of a Woman ready for a Godly Marriage”.
1. Seeks God with his whole heart-
Psalm 119: 9-11
9 How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
The scripture says in order to keep yourself pure, hide His word in your heart. Seeking Him with your whole heart will keep you focused on pleasing God in all that you do.
2. Attends, gives and serves at a church
As a saved young woman, I have heard this line many times, “You are a Christian (or saved), oh that’s cool, I go to church, I am a member of…” I am happy that you “go to church”, but I believe you are a true member when you have invested your time, resources and talents to this church. The church cannot run itself without it’s members.
Your local church will be blessed by your help. What areas of the church are you serving in? How can you be a blessing to your pastor and members? I have found that serving in the church keeps you grounded, accountable and you learn so much about yourself and the life of Jesus by serving His people.
3. Has godly friends- Having godly friends will also help with accountability. Having friends who are walking with Jesus that will give you godly advice and will understand your struggles, praises, and will encourage your spiritual growth. The scripture says in Proverbs 27:17 that “Iron sharpens Iron”.
4. Has a good relationship with his family- I know all families are not perfect, but is there communication and respect with and towards the family.
This is important because if there are majors signs of dysfunction in the family, this unfortunately can filter over into your marriage. You will need to have open communication about the future in-laws.
5. Prays with and encourages you to pursue God more while he is pursuing you- The man is the head of the household. He will need to treat the bride as Jesus does the church. The Lord of Lord’s desires a church without spot or blemish.
Jesus loves us with an everlasting love. A godly man will want his wife to be all that God has called her to be. A godly man will want his woman to put God first before him.
6. Has a job or career- The husband will be the provider of the family and head of the household. He will need a job or is working (in school) to obtain a career.
7. Encourages you to  pursue your passion and goals- He will not be intimidated or will not limit his woman’s God given gifts.
8. Abstains from sexual immorality and fornication-
1 Thessalonians 4: 3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
The above scriptures describes those that fall to lust as those who do not know God. God does not want you to corrupt your body with this sin. Having sex outside of marriage will bring on a slew of problems into a pure relationship.
It is created for husband and wife only to enjoy. If you are not abstaining from this, you are sinning against God and your body.
This will keep the enemy from corrupting your union before it has even started. If this has already happened in your relationship, please seek Godly counsel on how to proceed with your relationship.
This goes back to being involved in a church, having Godly friends, and being guided by your pastor. Your support system will help you as a couple get back on track.
9. Communicates with you about his past, his struggles, and future- You do not want to have any surprises before you say “I do”.
10. Enjoys spending time with you- My grandfather who had been married for almost 60 years before he passed, gave me and Joel this one piece of marriage advice, “Have fun with each other.”
You want to enjoy your time together even if you are doing something that you don’t want to do. It shows that you want to invest in getting to know your mate and showing them how much you love and appreciate them.