Month: June 2016

Categories
Single

5 Types of Women Not Ready For Marriage

by Kay King
When we’re young we read about Prince Charming coming and sweeping the Princess off her feet and riding off on a horse to their “happily ever after”. It’s like it’s embedded in our heads. We grow up thinking that’s how it’ll be until all of sudden, we learn that it’s just a fairy tale, a story.
As I was sitting and thinking about my own Prince Charming and talking with God and asking him when he’s going to come, the Lord showed me myself. How many times do we think to ourselves, this is the type of man I want. Or when you see a man displaying characteristics that are ones you want in your husband, you say Lord send me someone like that. We spend more time talking about what kind of man we want versus what kind of woman we are.
If the saying “you attract what you are” is even a tad bit true, then it makes you think, am I worthy of the man I’m waiting for? See it’s unfair to expect so much from him and place less expectations on ourselves.
So when God showed me myself, I started writing down the things I’d seen. It made me think, am I the type of woman someone is looking for. Through this personal analysis of myself came my next blog.
Here’s my list of 5 types of women who are not ready for marriage:

1. THE INSECURE WOMAN

Now while we all deal with insecurities, there are some women who are driven by theirs. Meaning, they are always talking about themselves in a negative manner or fishing for compliments to help boost their self esteem. The insecure woman usually is overly flirtatious and wants to be the center of attention. She depends on reactions from others.
As women, we should never go into a marriage expecting to get our self worth from our husband. It is God who has set our worth and it is our husbands who uphold that standard. Relying on your spouse to set your self worth be a dangerous game,  they are there to affirm but our worth was never to meant to be set by them.

2. THE CONFUSED WOMAN

Of course, we don’t always have everything figured out but you should at least know if you want to be in a committed relationship or know if you want to get married. We all know the bible tells us confusion is not of the Lord, so why is it that one day we say we want to get married and then two weeks later, we’ve changed our minds. This could be the reason you’re single. You have no resolve about your future. 
What man wants to put his all into a relationship, he isn’t sure is going anywhere? Why should he put himself out there and pursue you, if he you’re unsure if you even want to be in a relationship? Remember healthy relationships are marked by peace, not by doubt and fear. 

3. THE CONTROLLING WOMAN

This is the woman, who wants to take on the lead role and wants to be control of everything. In other words, she wants to wear the pants in the relationship. I don’t know if you know this or not but God didn’t intend two men to be in a relationship together. He also didn’t design women to be the head. (1 Corinthians 11) So if you’re the type of woman who always has an opinion about how he dresses, how he eats, how he speaks and who he’s friends with, then you may find yourself single a little bit longer. No man wants a control freak.
After all, you’re not his mama, he has already left the nest and raising a man is NOT your job. So stop trying to control everything about him.

4. THE CLINGY WOMAN

This is the woman, who makes the relationship the center of her universe. Everything she does is based on this relationship. She has no friends outside of this relationship, she has no interest or activities outside of the relationship. She just wants to be around the one she’s married to 24/7. She hangs out with his friends, she’s always tagging along for the boys night out. Now don’t get me wrong, we all know relationships go through that honey moon stage, however, being too clingy can be unhealthy for both parties involved. Ladies, let me give you some advice, get a life.
No man is going to be able to spend every minute of every day with you. I mean how can he miss you, if you’re always around. You need time a part, he needs guy time and you need girl time. So get yourself a hobby or friends of your own.

5. THE ANGRY WOMAN

Let it go. Why are you always mad at your family, at your friends, at society? Always arguing with your co-workers. I mean, you’re just mad at life. Nothing makes you happy. You’re always into some drama and it’s always someone else’s fault. 
Men don’t want to be with an angry woman. Listen, as men, they already face so much out in the world. They don’t want to come home to your drama too. And no, I’m not saying you have to hide your feelings, however, you do need to know how to bring your emotions under subjection and not let them rule you. Men are strong, but I don’t know any man that is strong enough to take on a angry woman. There will always be a lack of communication and there’s always going to be the blame game.  Proverbs 21:19 It’s better to live alone in the desert, than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.
Now I know none of you who are reading this is any of these women… right? LOL
While I know I won’t ever be perfect, I know there are still areas in which I can improve. God wouldn’t have wanted me to look inward if that were not the case. So instead of focusing  on getting married, I’m going to focus on myself. I’m going to continue to build my empire, my ministry and allow God to mold me into a suitable wife. 
I would hate to ask God to send me the one and when He arrived, not be ready.
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

2 Reasons Why Loving Someone is Hard, But Worth It

Black couple sitting on couch smiling

The great Nelson Mandela stated in one of his most noteworthy quotes, “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.
Just because a person has the capacity to love doesn’t mean they have been taught how to do it. It’s very sad to see the rise of dysfunction and unhealthiness in relationships. The reason may very well be that many have not been taught how to love, to adequately love a person the way they deserve. Or, it could be simply that love is hard.
Then that brings us to the question, “What does love look like to you?” In what ways do you express love to others, and in what ways do you receive love. For me, love at its highest state, is expressed through relentless commitment.
Considering God is love, the one promise I know I can depend on is that He will never leave me for He is faithfully committed to me because he loves me. Now granted there are many other ways for love to be expressed from giving, physical intimacy, quality time spent, and many more.
And, that I believe is what makes love so challenging.
That we all give and receive love differently. I would like to present 2 reasons why I believe love is hard, but worth it.
1. It reveals your flaws.
No one wants to accept that they have issues. Even in job interviews one of the most popular questions is, “What are your strengths and weaknesses”? It never fails that we make our weaknesses still sound like strengths. Its just a challenge to be honest about our flaws. Well, this is one thing that makes love hard is that it reveals where we are lacking. My wife, who knows me better than anyone, has seen me at my best and my worse. Through the journey of loving her, she has also has seen a lot of my flaws. When you learn to accept someone for their flaws is when love becomes worth it.
2. It requires all of you.
When you came out of your mother’s womb the first thing you did was cry. That cry is because you are kick starting lungs because you need air, but you also are crying for food from your mom. This shows that our first initial reaction to this life is wanting from others. But, as you mature you will learn that love requires you to give of yourself to others. To turn off your wants and put your significant other before yourself. This becomes beautiful when two people both make it their highest goal to put the other before themselves. This is when love becomes a joy versus a burden.
Yes, love is hard, but when you begin to allow your significant other into the places no one else has access to which is your flaws, then the level of trust will cause the love to explode between you.

Categories
Single

5 Things I Miss About My Pre-Wife and Pre-Mommy Days

Mother enjoying a rest
Let me just begin this article by clarifying and letting it be known, that there is no desire in me to be single again or to not have children. I am so grateful for the single-season I had and all God accomplished through me, as well as my months before we had our first child. It allowed my husband I to grow and be more in love. I am sharing this post to let the mommies and the wives, who are currently in this position, know they are not alone and for those waiting for a mate or even children to enjoy where they are. God has great plans for all of us, it is just important to enjoy them while we can and not take each season for granted. However, without further ado here are 1o things I miss about my pre-wife and pre-mommy days.
1.  Sleep– Especially with the children.  In my single days I thought I would fall apart if I got less than 6 to 7 hours a night, well something magical happens when you become a mom, you literally have to keep going. If I had a way to conserve sleep in my single days I would have.
2. Space– As singles we all cry for someone to share a bed with, as a married person sometimes all you want is some space (unless your love language is touch). Enjoy your bed. I know it may feel cold some nights, but at least you can sleep sprayed out if you want. When the children are added to your bed space, you will literally be sleeping in a pile or on the edge.
3. Quality Grooming Time– Honestly, if I could just get ten minutes to shower, shave or even use the bathroom without some little ones at my door I would be a happy woman. Enjoy your 30-minute bubble baths and 20-minute grooming sessions. The little ones will want to be a part of every routine. As hard as it is, you will see you do not want it any other way.
4. Cooking What I Want- As a single person, I could eat cereal and go to bed. When you have a husband to feed and then children to feed, you have to meal plan and make healthy meals. Singles use this time to create the diet that is beneficial to you, it is easier to diet while single than when you have someone to feed as well as little ones with picky diets.
5. Free Hands For Worship– I am a wild worshiper, I would jump and spin and do all I needed to do. I remember now being single and telling myself: “Go all out, because when the babies come it will be restricted”. Worship and church service time are times where you have to split your attention. The thing I have learned is that worship is not just about hands being raised, but that I worship God every day, as I use my hands in service to my children and my husband.
May you all be blessed in whatever season God has you in, enjoy it, and grow form it.

Categories
Marriage Single

The Journey IS the Destination

High tourist hiker man on the rock peak in rocky mountains
“There’s always going to be another mountain, you’re always going to want to make it move. There’s always going to be an uphill battle, sometimes you’re going to have to lose. It’s not about how fast you get there, and it’s not about what’s waiting on the other side: IT’S THE CLIMB!” It was Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb”. -Miley Cyrus.
In my heart of hearts, I truly believe those are profound words to live by. We’re taught from very early that in order to have a good, happy, and successful life, we must fulfill the “American Dream”.
We’re taught that we must go to school, go to college, get a job, climb the corporate latter, get married, have children, buy a big house, have fancy cars, and accumulate wealth. There’s no problem with accomplishing those life goals, however the dilemma presents itself in how we attain these goals. We never anticipate the obstacles and opposition that will present themselves on our journey.  Instead, we go through life, hastily rushing towards the next major milestone, all the while forfeiting the blessing that is the present.
We give every last ounce of effort in order to ensure we reach our destination year after year. We reach milestone after milestone on the chase to make our dreams come true, only to realize that we’re still unfulfilled, so we set new goals and milestones, and grind even harder than ever before still aiming for the prize. By the time we reach our destination of success, we’re 70 years old, retired, and grandparents and all we can do is sit in our rocking chairs with regrets wondering where did all our time go?
This is why that song is so profound to me. Our lives are made up of moments, and we must cherish every moment God gives us as gift because if we rush it and reach the peak of the mountain too soon in our lives, the only place to go from there is down, and we’ll spend the rest of our life reflecting on that moment rather than making more memorable moments.
Life is NOT all about attaining worldly accolades and success. It’s NOT all about “arriving at your destination”. No matter how many milestones you achieve in this life, you’ll  still feel there’s more you need to accomplish.
Life is not all about hurrying and scurrying through all obstacles and opposition in order to reach your goals. Instead, THE JOURNEY IS THE DESTINATION! In other words, It’s The Climb! Life is about embracing every moment that God gives you. Whether, good, bad, ugly, or downright sad, every situation that God places before is an opportunity to learn, grow, and develop as a person. It is in cherishing these moments that you truly live an abundant life.
After climbing the mountain called life, it’s not just the feeling of being on top of the world that makes that moment so special. Instead, every time you slipped and almost fell, every time you almost died, and all the times you wanted to give in and felt like giving up, all make that moment when you reach the end of your journey so much more special.
To the person who is single: don’t rush through this season of your life and settle for less than you deserve because society makes you feel like you’re cursed for not having a significant other yet.
Married people: don’t rush through your lives, wishing your kids would hurry and grow up so they can move out and kill yourselves trying to “keep up with the Jones’s ”  and miss the very blessings you have right before you.
Embrace your current situation in whatever season you may be facing knowing that God is present with us every step of the way, and every obstacle He chooses to place before us will eventually become a stepping stone to bigger and better things if we embrace the challenge and let His word, His strength, and His spirit guide us through.

Categories
Finances Home Marriage

3 Keys For Wise Financial Management God's Way

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God is looking for husband and wife teams that are wise in kingdom financial management principles. It is important that couples understand the purpose of finances as stewards of God’s resources. Without management, there is no growth in God. God wants to see how well we manage our affairs, how we communicate, how we spend our time, what we do with our money, and how wisely or foolishly we use the resources at our disposal.
Wise management attracts God, while poor management stunts marital growth. God holds back progress until He has management. He allows no increase until He has a husband and wife who can manage the increase. No expansion is made until God has a marital team that is accountable for that expansion. If husbands and wives are faithful with a little, God will entrust them with more (Luke 16:10). To be effective and successful in marriage, husbands and wives must learn to be good managers for collective team movement by utilizing these three key principles:

  1. Communication. Husbands and wives do more than simply keep things running; they add value to everything they have responsibility over. As a result of this, resources will appreciate in value. All married couples should pray together, communicate as a team, set financial goals, and examine themselves periodically. This will help couples to determine if they are effective in handling God’s blessings, spending money wisely, or if they are moving in the direction that God would want them to go (Proverbs 24:3). There is no limit to what the Lord will do for couples financially who surrender themselves and their resources completely to His will and His way.
  1. Tithe. Tithing should be one major facet of a couple’s overall financial plan because it reminds couples that God is the Creator and true owner of everything that we have (Psalm 24:1). Tithing reminds couples to trust in God’s ability and promise to meet their needs daily, while not holding on to possessions too tightly because each spouse is designed to be a mere steward of marital possessions. When couples tithe, they gain contentment and the proper perspective of not allowing possessions and pursuit of prosperity to take precedence over a true, intimate relationship with the Lord. Tithing reminds couples that God is the source and giver of prosperity because He is the one that gives the marital team the ability to produce wealth (Deuteronomy 8:18).
  1. Budget wisely. Budgeting should be the other major facet of a couple’s financial regimen. Every household should operate on a budget or financial plan because it is the basic principle of resource management. A household budget should be no more complex than needed to manage the family’s resources effectively. The budget should consist of a clear plan for saving and spending money, along with managing debt and credit. Investing, leisure, and recreational activities should be factored into a sound budget as well. A working budget, coupled with tithing, represents good management and an honest effort at wise stewardship.

Couples that put God first in their finances will improve their lives and finances. Applying these three principles will help couples build strong kingdom financial management principles that yield financial health, freedom, peace, and joy in their marriages.
 
 

Categories
Marriage

How Being Away From Your Spouse Can Help Your Marriage

long distance relationship, couple on platform at the train station, meeting or parting concept

 
When you said, “I Do” to your spouse on your wedding day you were making a commitment like none other. A commitment to love, cherish, and honor one another through the good, bad, and ugly as long as you both shall live. No matter how long or fast it took you to get to that altar all that mattered in that moment was your future together.
 
The first year of marriage is what many call the honeymoon phase. You may have even heard someone say, “honey, just wait until the honeymoon love phase wears off.” I know for me when I heard people say that to me I just brushed it off like it wouldn’t happen to us.
 
Well, it surely did.
 
The feeling of the “honeymoon” love definitely does wear off especially once kids come into the picture. But, that isn’t something to be shocked about because that’s just human nature. The same effect happens we get when we get a new car, a new house, or even a new job. The newness wears off and we have to then begin to put effort into keeping the “love” alive.
 
Everyone has different ways that they keep the romance alive in their marriage from daily text messages, weekly date nights, or even scheduling sex. But, there is another way to bring a shock back into your love life with your spouse.
 
And, that is by missing them.
 
The average time married couples are away from one another is 7-8 hours a day, which is when one or both couples are at work. They then come home to spend 4 hours together usually watching TV.
 
This gives NO TIME at all for you to miss one another.
 
When was the last time you received a text message from your spouse saying, “I miss you”.
 
My wife went on a girls away weekend leaving me with our 9 month old by my self for an entire 4 days. When she asked me if it was okay for her to go, my initial reaction was, “Where is Harvest (our little girl) going to go?” Lol.
 
I relented because I knew that not only did she need to get away, but it would also give us an opportunity to miss one another. While she was away it took me back to our dating days when we didn’t live with one another. We did the same things we use to do when we were dating. We texted late at night with a little extra flirt in them. We texted, “goodnight baby”. The last time we texted, “goodnight” was before we got married.
 
These little surges of romance reignited our love for another because it reminded us of the small reasons why we committed our life to one another.
 
I encourage you to let your spouse go away for a weekend with her/his friends. Don’t see them being gone as a bad thing, but as an opportunity to see your love reignited.
 
It’s amazing how a simple text saying, “I miss you” is something we all crave to hear in this life.
 
Let them go, so you can send that text and see your love come alive again.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

7 Steps to Heal From a Broken Relationship

Black woman crying outdoors

Contrary to common belief, time does not heal all wounds but God does. If not dealt with, no matter how much time has passed, the loneliness, grief and pain felt after a failed relationship can be crippling.  The heart is the source of life, once broken, you may find yourself in repeated cycles of brokenness, carrying your past pains into your present relationship.
Prior to meeting, courting and marrying my now husband, there were several broken relationships I found myself in. After my last breakup, I did several things that allowed God to heal my heart almost immediately to the point where people were in disbelief and amazed. I didn’t experience the loneliness, bitterness, anger, low self-worth, resentment, and regret that some people do after a breakup. I didn’t find myself snooping on my ex’s social media accounts reminiscing or trying to see who was the new boo. I didn’t experience the severity of what many people deal with after a breakup. And you don’t have to either!
It’s imperative that you are intentional about becoming whole after a breakup. Healing from a break up requires spiritual and practical efforts. Here are the 7 steps to help you heal:

  1. Date Jesus. You’re single now. You now have more time to spend with the Lord. Seek him more in prayer and devotion. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”
  2. Remove any reminders. Remove everything that connect and reminds you of your ex. His or her phone number, social media accounts, gifts, pictures, letters, or anything else unique to your relationship. This may be hard but it is a necessary practical step.
  3. Break soul ties. Depending on the length and extent of your relationship, there’s a good chance a soul tie has been created. You’re going to have to sever that thing! If your souls are still knit together in anyway it’s going to make it difficult to move on. During your next date with Jesus, pray and ask Him to break your soul tie.
  4. Forgive Yourself. Thoughts of everything you did wrong leading to your break up may be flooding your mind. “Should’ves”, “could’ves”, “would’ves”… it’s time to move on. Free yourself by forgiving yourself. You’ll be unable to move on if you are carrying regret, shame and/or guilt.
  5. Forgive Your Ex. Here’s a big one. Decide to love and forgive your ex as God wants you to. No matter how severe the offense, God still requires you to forgive. By commanding you to forgive, God is looking out for you. Unforgiveness doesn’t hurt your offender, it really hurts you. Carrying around bitterness weighs you down, clouds your relationship with God, and blocks your ability to love others.
  6. Personal Growth. Now is a great time to focus on becoming a better you and prepare for the right one. Work on developing your gifts, finding your purpose, and pursuing your passions.
  7. Avoid Rebounding. The fastest way to re-puncture your broken heart is to get into a new relationship too soon.  Pray and ask God to reveal the one and avoid counterfeits. The devil is an opportunist, he would love for you to enter a new relationship that could be worse than the one you came out of.

My prayer is that your heart is restored and that you prepare yourself for that special one. Once I successfully applied the above steps in my life I found healing and true love. Breakups are now a thing of the past!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Categories
Marriage Parenting

Three Things I Want My Sons to Know About Marriage

A happy African American man, woman and two boys, father, mother and sons, family sitting together at home looking at photo album

I have two sons. Jonathan is three months old and Noah is three years old, but Noah echoes my words and mirrors my actions only minutes after he hears or sees them from me. Right now, where I go, he goes. My words and demeanor towards him have a profound impact on him. It’s scary, to be honest. Even now, he’s picking up my mannerisms. He’s catching onto what I value and care about, and even adapting them for himself. I love Batman, he loves Batman. I love music, he loves music. I speak too harshly to his mother—guess what—so does he.
So in the backwards world that my boys are growing up in, it is crucial—perhaps more crucial now than ever before—that I model godliness in life, work, and family. I have at least 18 years, God willing, to model these things well.
These are three things I want my sons to know about marriage,

  1. It’s not just a piece of paper. There’s a fallacy that circulates the airwaves that marriage is just a piece of paper. Subscribers of this fantasy and lopsided view of marriage will soon find their “paper marriage” in the waste basket. No, sons, marriage is “a cord of three strands”: God, husband, wife! (Ecclesiastes 4:12) Saying that marriage is a piece of paper bears the same logic as saying that insurance is a piece of paper, but I guarantee that you want what that piece of paper represents when the wind blows your roof away! What you regard as temporary will become temporary. 
  2. It is relevant. Marriage is not outdated. Some argue that marriage is old-fashioned.They’re right, it is old-fashioned. It was fashioned by God at Creation. It has endured for millennia because God ordained it as a standing institution for earthly existence. Ancient does not mean outdated. Marriage is still relevant because it is still not good for man to be alone. (Gen. 2:18) It is still relevant because it is something that God has ordained from the foundation of the world and He has never parted the clouds and called for its end. God has called husbands to demonstrate the power of godly affection to their wives as an eternal illustration of divine marriage.
  3. It is good. I want my sons to know that marriage is good. I become a better a man because of the wisdom that I attain only from my wife. My wife becomes a better woman because of the support and strength I provide for her. I am closer to Jesus now than I have ever been because my wife will not allow me to stagnate in my transformation into the image of the Son. My wife is closer to Jesus because I refuse to allow the darkness of this world to cast her down and lie to her about her identity! Marriage is good because it is a chosen instrument of God’s love to teach us about reflecting the glory of God to the world and to one another. In marriage, two imperfect people are left practice mercy, grace, and forgiveness toward one another before they demonstrate it to anyone else. Marriage is the maturation process of true discipleship where growth occurs when no one else is watching, besides God and our spouse.

I want my kids to see me regard my wife as the princess that she is. I pray that they bring out the princesses in their future wives as a result of watching me. Instilling a godly view of marriage just may be the most important lesson I ever teach my sons.
 
 

Categories
Single

3 Signs of A Desperate Single

leisure, technology, lifestyle and people concept - man with smartphone and coffee at restaurant

Co-authored with Culus Williams
Being single can have you feeling lonely. You may feel that you’re not living life to the fullest. While in your single season the spirit of desperation tries to creep its way into your life. The enemy releases the spirit of desperation upon many singles. This spirit makes you think that your situation is hopeless and gives a sense of false hope. Desperation can be a distraction to the reason for your single season.
When we’re desperate we often make irrational decisions. We find ourselves in situation-ships and relationships that God never intended for our lives. We are so desperate to have a mate that we will settle for anybody that comes along with sweet nothings to speak into our ear.
People know when you’re desperate, they see it in the way you walk, talk and even in what you post on social media.

  • Your Walk – You walk in a room and position yourself to be seen by the opposite sex. You want someone to flirt, speak and chase after you.
  • Your Talk – You talk about your single status all the time. Every conversation is centered on finding a mate.
  • Your Posts – Your statuses on social media always focus on your single status. You post about how long you’ve been single or how long you’ll have to wait for your mate.

We must say your desperation is channeled in the wrong area. We should only be desperate for God which means that we want more of Him. When you find yourself in the place of being anxious for a mate, ask God to give you a fresh encounter with him. Ask the Lord to ignite his fire in you, so that you only desire to hunger and thirst after him. We promise you that you will be blessed.
Matthew 5:6 (NIV) Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Wait on God to position you to find your mate. The wait will be worth it because it will be orchestrated by God. Allow God to fill you up with his Holy Spirit in this season. Remember that desperation is a tactic of the enemy to delay the promises of God. God has a blessing with your name on it in this season!

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Leaving the Friend Zone: 5 Steps to Dating A Friend

young happy couple jumping on beach