Month: March 2015

Categories
Home Marriage

The Pros and Cons of Purchasing a New Home or an Old Home

If you are thinking about investing in real estate and buying a home, you may be trying to decide whether to build a new house/purchase a newer home or an purchase an older home. Both home types come with pros and cons.  I want to shed light on some key factors to help you make the right decision.
 

Newer Homes/New Construction

real estate photo: Real Estate Bakersfield CA Real-Estate-BakersfieldCA-2_zpsf7ef1547.jpg
Pros

  1. All the major components (HVAC, foundation, roof, water heater) are brand new and you should not have to be concerned with replacing these anytime soon.
  2. You get to select your building materials and design the home to look exactly how you want it.
  3. All appliances and plumbing are new. You get to break in that stove and you are the only one who has used your bathroom (at least we hope).
  4. Brand new home smell. Nothing beats the smell of fresh paint and new carpet.
  5. 1 year builders warranty. If anything gets damaged during the first year, the builder will replace it at no cost to you.

Cons

  1. You typically will pay more for new construction than older homes.
  2. Newer homes will have baby trees and landscaping so you will have to wait a few years to get any real shade.
  3. Building delays-Sometimes these are just not preventable. The wrong tile could be ordered or the manufacturer decided to drop the tile you chose. This happens all the time with new construction so be prepared and have back up plans in case you need to add a few more months on your apartment lease.
  4. Home is built-in less time with less quality materials than older homes.

 
 

Older Homes

home photo: home zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-5.jpg
Pros

  1. You may get quality building materials (like real wood flooring and exotic granite) for a fraction of the cost you would pay for them in  a new home.
  2. Mature trees and landscaping.
  3. Some older homes were built with architectural design features that are historic or timeless.
  4. Your home comes with a story. Someone has already put a lot of love into it and you get to add another chapter to the book.
  5. Pay less per sq ft than a newer home.

Cons

  1. You may have to do some major repairs to make the home livable.
  2. May not be move in ready.
  3. You are the new kid on the block so it will take some time to acclimate to the existing neighborhood culture.
  4. Insurance may be higher because the home is older.

 
I hope this list helps to make your decision on finding a home a little less daunting. My best advise to you is that you should research and evaluate what is most important to you. Buy a home that you love and that will also love you back for years to come.

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

6 Eye Opening Verses on Being Married God's Way

What does it mean to be married God’s way?
 
The bible gives us some guidance.
What is a good man? Read Psalm 112.
What is a good woman? Read Proverbs 31:10-31.
How should husbands and wives love each other? Read Ephesians 5:22-33.
22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Should I have sex before marriage? Read 1 Corinthians 6:18.
16-20 There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.
Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Read 1 Corinthians 7:2.
Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.
Who should marry? Read Genesis 2:21-24.
21-22 God put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man.

23-25     The Man said,
“Finally! Bone of my bone,
    flesh of my flesh!
Name her Woman
    for she was made from Man.”
    Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.
    The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.

 
If you want a God-centered relationship, you must have a relationship with God. If you want a relationship with God, you must spend time with Him and His Word. If you want a relationship with God, you must be led by Him and His Word (His word is essentially Him see John 1). There is no compromise. If you want a God-blessed marriage, you must have a God-led marriage.
 

Categories
Engaged Marriage

The One Thing Your Spouse May Never Ask For, But Really Needs From You

Two weeks ago I again had the privilege of watching my husband read one of his books to a group of preschoolers. In the days leading up to the event, I honestly believe I was more excited than he was. I reminisced about the first time we met in Central Park and how timid he seemed when he presented his first book to me. Now, seven books later, and he is proudly showing the world his talent.
Watching his growth and seeing his abilities blossom is a true inspiration to me. Even when he doesn’t have confidence in himself, I have confidence in him, and he always has confidence in me.
It is your duty as a spouse to be able to love and support your significant other regardless of what happens. The fact is, when the two of you come together for one purpose, you are less likely to fail.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, “9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. 11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.”
Even if you don’t think you have anything to lend to your spouse’s gift or ministry, having a cheerleader, a counselor, and a friend is important and vital to the success of your spouse. Unfortunately, if they can’t find that in you, they may be tempted to find it in someone else. I am not saying they will cheat (emotionally or physically), but they can begin to confide and put their trust in someone else with their gift for the sake of affirmation and support.
Your spouse’s gift was given to them by God, which means that it is a part of who they are. In other words, when you married him/her, you agreed to love and cherish that gift.  Colossians 2:2 says, “I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love.” In this scripture, Paul was speaking to the church of Colosse in regards to the church of Laodicea and other believers. If it is important for the body of Christ to be knit together, how much more important is it that you are knit together in your marriage?
You need to be melded together in all aspects of your life including your hopes and dreams. Your hopes and dreams, as well as your spouse’s, speaks to the inheritance that you will leave for future generations. Don’t be responsible for the shortage of an inheritance because of your lack of encouragement.
Be the reason your spouse pushes on through all of the hurts and falls. Remember that each of us has a purpose and because you and your spouse are connected by the rib, your spouse’s purpose is also a part of your purpose. Don’t allow your negativity and lack of enthusiasm to stop you or your spouse from fulfilling their purpose.
 
 

Categories
Home

5 Ways to Become Content with Your Current Season of Life 

Guest Writer: Callie Nelsen
 
Contentment does not simply equate to the acceptance of circumstances.
 
I think we sometimes fear the pursuit of contentment because we’re afraid it will de-value our desires and dreams.  For example, a couple trying to have a baby may not want to feel content with being child-less out of fear of never becoming parents. However, contentment is ‘the state of being satisfied; ease of mind.’ The infamous contentment verses, Phil. 4:11-13, says you can learn to be content whatever the circumstances!  Wow! Imagine having an ease of mind in the midst of a trial, to be satisfied even when life is just. plain. hard. This doesn’t mean we agree with what’s happening, but that we’re rooted in the unfailing love of the One who has gone before us, and therefore not easily shaken.
 
Here are five ways I’ve learned to be content. Single, dating or married, contentment isn’t something that just happens to us – it’s a choice!
 

  • Let God define your identity. Memorize scripture. Re-read prophetic words. Ask God what He thinks of you. Recently, it felt like anyone I talked to asked why I was single. In the past this would have made me feel like a failure. But, I had taken time to hear what the Lord thought about this season of my life, and was so confident in His opinion that I felt unaffected by what people were saying – and remained content!

 

  • Declare truths about yourself and your destiny, especially when you don’t believe it. God spoke, and the world came to be.  He called Abraham a father long before he was one.  That same God is living inside us! There is power in making declarations about what we want to see happen.

 

  • Be thankful. During a time after a relationship ended, I didn’t allow myself to journal anything except what I was thankful for. After several months, I’d become content with being single (a miracle!) and my broken heart was mending.  Bill Johnson made the statement, “whatever you look at, will grow.”  If you focus on what you’re thankful for, your difficulties won’t seem so big.  Likewise, focusing on difficulties will often cause them to become overwhelming.

 

  • Worship. Expect to see blessing and freedom when you worship during your hard times! Worship changes the atmosphere and your heart, which ultimately changes how you feel about your circumstances. Check out The Message’s version of Romans 5:3-5.

 

  • Be transparent about what you want, and ask questions. God doesn’t want us to be confused! If you’re not getting an answer, maybe you’re not asking the right question (Ie: what do you want to do during this time? Instead of why am I single?) Perhaps you’re listening for an answer He’s not willing to give you because He has something better for you.  God is never wrong, and He’s always good.  Once you start filtering your thoughts through those truths, you’ll find it easier to hear answers you may not be looking for.

 
 
 
Biography:
Callie Nelsen is a 4th grade teacher, softball and volleyball coach, IEC (international exchange) coordinator, traveler, singer/songwriter, from Lake Crystal – a small town in Southern Minnesota. She has been the worship leader at Abundant Life Church for the past two years and has done some public speaking as well.  She graduated from Gustavus Adolphus College in 2010 with a degree in Elementary Education and an emphasis in Spanish and Math.  She also graduated from Bethel School of Worship in 2013.  She released her first CD, ‘In the Sight of You’ in 2013 and is currently working on her second album.
image (1)

Categories
Home

Why God Wants YOU to Choose Your Mate

The greatest gift God has given us is the ability to choose. When He created us, His intention was not to create little minions that He could manipulate and control. He wanted us to be people who were free to choose Him, to choose life, and to choose what is right.
He has, however, supplied us with parameters that equip us to make wise choices and help us discern and decipher what path to take.
In Deuteronomy 30:19 it says, “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make.  Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!”
This verse describes the importance of our choices and should also be used as a reference and guideline when choosing a spouse.  God gives us a choice, but from that choice we can either reap life or death and blessings or curses. This is why this choice should be carefully considered and taken seriously.
Another parameter the Lord instructs us to follow regarding the choosing of our mate is the requirement of being equally yoked. There are many factors that determine whether two people are equally yoked.
For more detailed information regarding this topic, please read my previous article, “22 Ways to Know if You and Your Partner are Equally Yoked.” God is invested in our choice to choose the right mate. We know this because He has given us in instructions on how to make right choices.
When it comes to decisions, especially concerning the choosing of our spouse, many of us want God to make the decision for us. We are constantly watching and waiting for a big neon sign that screams “THAT’S HIM!!!!!! ”
We await the lighting bolts of heaven or for the lion of Judah himself to come down and confirm in person, “THAT’S HER!!!” But, the majority of the time the biggest sign to walking in alignment with God’s will regarding your choice of spouse will be inner peace. We may not hear the audible voice of God speaking his/her name, but we still has His Word to follow and the Bible will never lead us astray.
The truth is, just like with anything else God, He is calling us to partner with him in selecting our mate.  But, why does He leave the ultimate choice up to us?
Simply put, because marriage is all about choices from start to finish. From the choice to court, to getting engaged, and to eventually saying “I do”. But, the choices don’t stop there.  After marriage we have to continue to make choices.
We must daily choose to love our mate in sickness and health, in good times and bad times, when its easy, when it’s hard, when it’s inconvenient, in spite of our feelings, and yes, even when it hurts.
If God was to make those choices for us, then when things got tough, most of us would blame the one who choose for us, God. Choosing our mate ourselves forces us to take responsibility for that choice. Don’t get me wrong, God wants to partner with us to make this decision. But, at the end of the day it is our choice and it is so for a reason.
God’s not going to force us to do anything or send lightning bolts to heavily sway our decision. Yes, God will give peace; He may send signs, and even dreams.  However,  the ultimate choice is yours and it is important you realize that.
The choice is not your families, your friends or even your pastors. Their input is important and should be carefully considered, but YOU choose your spouse.  And, from the moment you agree to choose that person in holy matrimony, you are also agreeing to choose them every day for the rest of your life, no matter the cost.  Love requires us to choose it over and over again daily, so choose wisely.
 

Categories
Marriage

6 Words That Will Make Your Spouse Smile Today

John F Kennedy said in his Inaugural Address in 1961, “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”  That statement ushered a challenge to the American People to not be a people that just expected things out of our country, but to be a people that looked for ways to serve America.

In the same way, I believe that the following 6 words will create a dramatic shift in your marriage and will alleviate most marriages from going into the ditch of selfishness, disappointment, and bitterness on a consistent basis.
Those 6 words are, “How may I serve you today?”
Imagine coming home from work and your spouse greets you with those words.
Wow!
Imagine waking up Saturday morning with an internal list of to-do’s on your checklist and your spouse says, “How may I serve you today?”
Wow!
Imagine sharing a life/vocational/family dream with your spouse and your spouse says, “How may I serve you in accomplishing that dream.”
Wow!
Here are several ways to quickly implement these words in your marriage so your marriage becomes an environment of Serving:
1.You cards
Many years ago, the founder of the Salvation Army was preparing to send his annual Christmas message to his staff around the world.  In those days, communication was by telegraph, and you paid for each word that was sent.  Since money was tight and the times were difficult, William Booth sent a one-word telegram.  The word he sent was: OTHERS.
One way to remind yourself to serve your spouse is to create cards that simply say your spouse’s name.  On the one side of the card, write their name, and then then on the back write the question, “How may I serve you today?” Put that card on the mirror, in their lunch bag, or give it to them when they arrive home or any other place they will see it. This will help you remember to serve them often.
2. Questionnaire
Give your spouse a sheet of paper and ask them to write down all of the ways they need help, support, or service.  Once you get that sheet, don’t put it in the drawer as you will never read it again.  Instead, put the thoughts they share with you in your Google or Outlook calendar.
For example, if they share they really appreciate when you vacuum the car, then put in your calendar a reoccurring appointment to vacuum the car every other week.
3. The year of “How may I serve you?”
In some organizational or church setting, they have a theme for the year.  The theme may be to focus on greater customer retention, more robust customer experience, etc.
What if you declared the rest of the 2015 as the year of How you may serve your spouse in your marriage?
I guarantee that if you decide to do this your partner will experience an incredible blessing from you.  But I can tell you from experience that you will reap the benefits of being more othersfocused–your life will be blessed as well.
What one man can do, another man can do!
Question: What do you think would happen if you had a marriage that was based on serving each other?

Categories
Marriage

Identifying Your Role in Your Marital Problems

For the last few months I have been feeling like there are times when my husband and I are disconnected. Of course, in my mind, it was my husband’s fault because I can do no wrong, right? Well, I’ve recently learned that I can do wrong and I have been wrong for months.
Someone very wise spoke to me recently and said that I cannot base my marriage and my role as a wife on the words or attitude of my husband. My husband has bad days just like I do. My husband is human.
This person also reminded me of the good in him, which I had apparently quickly forgotten considering that I had just spoken about how amazing he is at his birthday party. The very next day following this affirmation of my love for him, I found myself angry and heartbroken over something small and declared that he can’t possibly love me. It was that easy for me to throw away almost five years of love, fun, smiles, and hard-work simply over a series of small arguments. Though I always think small arguments are indicative of a bigger issue, we usually know how to identify the big issues and work through them. The fact that we weren’t working through them told me that something was very wrong, and at the time was sure that it was him.
The night that we had our first issue also happened to be the second night in a row that we didn’t read the bible and pray as a family as we usually do. I decided to break the pattern, so I prayed with my daughter, and then again on my own. When I was praying on my own, I began to lift up our family. While praying for my family, God began to instruct me to pray against anger and hurt. I thought I needed to pray for the issues within the family, but what I realized was that one of the factors causing the issues was the anger and hurt I was harboring. There seemed to be a lot of anger within me that God wanted to deal with. How can I expect my house to remain standing if I don’t take care of its foundation? I am a part of that foundation.
By the next day, my husband and I had the chance to really sit down and talk. Our issues stemmed from varying views on disciplining our child. I had a hard time listening to his criticisms, but I listened anyways. That night he said that he wanted us to get back into reading the bible and praying. The first verse in Proverbs 29 says, “Whoever stubbornly refuses to accept criticism will suddenly be destroyed beyond recovery.” Between the continued verses about criticism and discipline, I had an incredibly hard time reading the chapter. But, through those verses, God truly opened my eyes to the changes I needed to make in my attitude in order to have a healthy marriage.
I am learning that when I have an issue in my marriage, I need to first look at myself before blaming my spouse, and then approach the issue. The Word says, “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3-4).  Before turning to and on your spouse, consider looking at your faults first. This will enable you to have a healthier perspective on both your role and your spouses’ role in the disagreement. Once you have gained a healthy perspective, you will then be able to clearly discuss the issue and agree upon a solution.
Also, it is important to spend time with God together so that you two can continue to maintain and strengthen your foundation. Storms may come your way, but once you take care of your foundation, the two of you will be able to remain standing and defeat and overcome all obstacles that come your way. “For where two or three gather together as my followers,[a] I am there among them.” (Matthew 18:20) When you gather together with your family to pray, you are allowing God into your household and into your marriage. And with God, you cannot fail.
 
 

Categories
Home

Intentional Goals For A Successful Marriage

Being married now for four years I have noticed a common theme between the different seasons my husband and I go through. No matter what our current life looks like at any given time it can easily be evaluated by the goals, or lack of goals we have.
When my husband and I are not working towards a common goal, or personal goals, life quickly seems more difficult. And, when we are intentionally setting goals for our marriage and our lives, it doesn’t seem to matter what we are facing because we are doing it together.
We haven’t always learned this the easy way though. When you are married and young you are bringing together two young individuals who typically have a burning passion to succeed in their own life. When you marry someone with similar goals as you it can still be hard at first to understand that unless your goals involve one another it will be difficult to become “one”.
Don’t get me wrong, you can certainly have your own personal goals and different careers. What I am saying is that no matter what you are pursuing as an individual you need to keep your spouse at the forefront of that goal.
For example, if you are striving to build your career to support your family- great! But, it is critical to remember that all that hard work and success will mean nothing if you push your marriage and family to the side while you climb to the top.
You CAN, however work hard to accomplish your individual goals and find even greater success when you allow your spouse to come alongside of you and contend for the same end goal.
My husband is an extremely driven man. And, I am highly motivated by defined goals. So, together we have learned that no matter how small or big our goals are, in every season of our lives we need to have some kind of common goal. Whether that be to relax more or work harder, if we don’t know what we are striving to accomplish in the current moment we slowly start to drown in the chaos of life.
I want to encourage you today to sit down with your spouse and talk about the goals you have individually and together. I believe it is every couples goal to thrive, but you need to have specific goals in each season of your marriage in order to make that happen.
It doesn’t matter how big or small your goal is.
It doesn’t matter if your goal is for your career, personal relationships, or your marriage.
All that matters is that you and your spouse come together in unity and work towards the same thing – together!
Be blessed today knowing God has given you someone to help your conquer your destiny! And, know that you play a vital role in the success of your partner as well! Now, go set some goals!

Categories
Communication Home Marriage Physical Intimacy Spiritual Intimacy

Sex and the Christian Wife

Like most women who didn’t enter into their marriages in piety, I was not a virgin when I met my husband.
Honestly, even if I was, I probably would not have made it to the alter a virgin.
I fell deeply in love very quickly and let’s just say, I couldn’t keep my latest promise to God.
My man and I had fun. We spent weekends in bed, ordering food, and staying up long enough to satisfy each other. It was as amazing as it was damning. We both knew what we were doing was wrong, even though it was soooo good.
Now that we are married, sex has taken on a new form. It is more than just fun. It is transforming.
Everything I thought I’d never be able to do (due to lack of flexibility) God has somehow given me the strength to do.
As weird as it might sound, I think the youth pastor from my old church was right, “Sex is better after you pray!” The euphoric feeling of confirming that we are one sends me over the top every time. The way we touch goes far beyond what I’ve experienced in the past.
According to my current pastor, “Sex is meant for procreation.” Apparently, it is not meant to be enjoyable or done in any other position but missionary. He is right, God says that we must “multiply,” but he also made sex a significant part of marriage.
Sex is the joining of two souls. In the end, you walk away with a piece of that person. “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’” (1 Corinthians 6:16). This is why sex should only be between man and wife. It is spiritual, not just of the flesh.

I remember discussing sex with another woman from my church and I said that the first form of sex involved God, Adam and Eve. She considered me a weirdo from that point on, but she wasn’t able to see past the negative connotation of sex. What I meant, though, was that God’s definition of sex is two souls coming together to create something new. When God made Eve, he joined his soul with Adam to create her. He took Adam’s rib and from His breath formed a new being.
The beauty of that encounter is the same way we Christians need to see sex.
It is not something nasty or wrong, as long as you’re with the right person.
 It is the one thing that only married couples should do, so why should we act as if it is wrong? For appearances? As long as my bedroom/bathroom/whatever room I’m in’s door can lock, no one can see me. Yes, God can but the wonderful, amazing ecstasy of it was also created by Him, why wouldn’t He want us to like it?
I won’t lie, there are times when I’m going the extra mile that I feel guilty, but the word says that his body belongs to me and my body belongs to him.
It also says that I must be submissive to him, servicing him in the way he requires. I am a woman that is intent on following the word. So whatever he requires, wherever, and however he requires it, I will give it to him.
Because he is mine and I am his and it shall remain that way.

Categories
Home

How to Deal With a Defensive Spouse

A defensive spouse can be very challenging, but here are some great practical tips on how to work together to progress forward towards change.