Month: October 2017

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Girl, Why Are You Still Single? (Holiday Edition)

beautiful and young woman in dress sits near Christmas tree
As the holidays are quickly approaching, I know what you’re thinking. Another holiday.. SINGLE.
Trust me I understand. (Also, visit www.SingleForTheHolidays.com; Married and Young would LOVE to help you get perspective of this season and how to handle it!)
The holidays can be a bit frustrating for us singles, so that’s why I’ve put together a survival kit to help us get through the holiday season.
Be your own “Santa”.
You don’t need to have a boyfriend to receive a gift. Go out and buy exactly what you want. For yourself. When you’re your own Santa, you can guarantee you won’t be disappointed. So splurge, sis! Get those diamond earrings you’ve been eyeing all year or that dress you seen in the magazine. Don’t hold back. You deserve it!
Pamper yourself.
Before you head to your parents house for the holidays- I know how eager you are to answer questions about why you’re still single- book a day at the spa. Get your hair done, nails done, brows done and even throw in a massage. De-stress yourself from the woes of the year. Being single for the holidays means you don’t have to feel guilty about taking care of yourself FIRST.
Attend a Holiday Party.
Go out. Have fun. Don’t sit in the house sulking. Get out there. Throw on that dress you brought yourself, pull out your favorite red lipstick, your highest heel and hit the town. Holiday parties are a great way to get your mind off of being single and who knows you could bump into your future husband while you’re out on the dance floor.
Change your focus.
Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have. You have good health, a job, a roof over your head and a family that loves you. It’s easy to think about how you’re still single but no one ever became grateful thinking about what they didn’t have. Instead they focused on what they did have and they enjoyed their portion… happily.
Prayer.
And lots of it. Take it in large doses. You will need it. I don’t know how your holiday dinners go but at my house there’s always questions about why I’m still single. No one seems to understand that being single is a choice. Meaning I’m choosing not to enter in a relationship prematurely just to say I have someone. No way! That’s a “sure-a-fide” way to end up in divorce court. No thanks! I rather wait a little while longer. So take it from me, I have plenty of experience with this and prayer will help get you through all the questions.
Listen, the holiday season doesn’t have to be dreadful. It’s all in what you make of it. You can choose to enjoy it or you can choose to be depressed. It’s your choice. But I encourage you to choose to be HAPPY.
 Don’t forget to visit www.SingleFortheHolidays.com!!!

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Why You Need to Declutter Your Heart

A closeup portrait of a young, black man in New York City. Shot during the Autumn of 2016.

Recently, scrolling through social media I’ve observed an increase in the amount of “relationship talk” circling the virtual world. As we all may know the Autumn season is considered “cuffing” season, which basically means romantic relationships are on the rise. This seems to be a constant expectation that surfaces every year around this time.  I must admit the weather, activities and the overall scenery in the Autumn season is rather cozy. In the summer, many dream of the cute and fun things they can plan in perfect Autumn weather! I myself being one of those people, HA!
If you’re single it can seem like just a distant dream at times. I completely understand the struggle because I’ve been there. Maybe you’re hoping that this season is your season for courtship and marriage preparation. Honestly, it’s not my place to say if it is or if it isn’t, this is something that is between you and God. However, I am here to give you a sincere suggestion and because you’re reading this, my opinion on readiness.
One way to determine readiness is to measure the health of your heart. If you have a sick heart more than likely you’re not ready for a relationship. If your heart is full of fear, unforgiveness or bitterness more than likely you’re not ready for a relationship. In this scenario, it would be wise to empty your heart of these things if you desire to be married or a happier life in general.
But, did you also know that your heart can be full of clutter and this can determine your readiness?
Google defines clutter as “a collection of things lying about in an untidy mass”! WOW! Therefore, if your heart is full of clutter it is basically an organized mess…OUCH! It’s possible, at this point, that  you’re questioning what has cluttered your heart or if your heart is a unorganized mess. Well, if the clutter isn’t the things listed above such as fear, unforgiveness, bitterness, mistrust, or anything similar…then, what is it?
Hmm…. Have you considered idols? Have you considered that you’ve made relationships and marriage an idol within your heart? An idol is anything that you have made a god in the heart and that you worship as such, knowingly or unknowingly. In Exodus 20:3 God tell us “you must not have any other god but me”.
Here’s the thing I know about God and that I am absolutely certain of, He will not allow you to walk into or access anything that has been made an idol in your heart. God is a jealous God and He wants us to serve Him and Him alone. If He were to give you the very thing that you worship or have made a god in your heart, He knows that you will leave Him for it. This is why God tests the heart so often to see what we are honestly ready to handle. If He tests the heart and sees that there are idols constructed there, He will withhold what He needs to withhold from us until we are ready.
I’m not explaining all of this to scare you, but I am saying all of this for you to begin to look inside you heart and see what needs to be cleaned out. It’s time to declutter the heart!
My encouragement to you in this season of waiting and preparation is to search your own heart and ask the Lord to search it as well. Be intentional about decluttering the heart of idols and make your prayer this season “Father, declutter my heart of false idols and gods”.

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3 Lies That Satan Tells Singles

Love you so much. Pleasant sullen cheerless beautiful girl sitting on the window sill and painting on glass while waiting for her love heart

Below is a  list of 3 lies that Satan tells Singles, and ways to combat them:

Lie #1: You need to Date

Have you ever heard the following : How will you be able to handle a relationship if you’ve never been in one? You need to learn how to talk to people of the opposite sex. You’re awkward. As such, dating will help you be prim and proper for when you meet the one. However, this seemingly harmless advice can turn harmful. Soon enough, you will need to practice kissing, intimacy and other things in order to be prepared for your significant other. Incidentally, when you meet the person God has for you, you might be broken and dealing with soul ties.

Therefore, it’s best to trust God’s timing and not force situations to happen. Feeling that you need practice is not indicative of trusting God. God will use experiences, tests and even the mundane parts of your life in order to prepare you for your future spouse (read the book of  Ruth). Trust that God is working all things for your good.

Lie #2: You’re Too Old

Are you having a crisis because your biological clock is ticking? Don’t fear. God’s timing is not our own. Your relatives and friends may be pressuring you to enter a relationship because you’re almost 30. You’re panicking because with each additional year, you feel that your opportunity of meeting someone significantly decreases. However, God can place someone at a bus stop who can completely transform your life. We must have child-like faith and trust that God knows what we need.

If you are older and haven’t met your spouse, you are in good company. Jesus started his ministry at 30 (and was single whilst on earth) and Joseph began serving Pharaoh when he was 30. 

Lie #3: You’re not Good Enough

No one likes you. You’re too weird, fat or (fill in the blank with the lie the enemy has for you). Counter these lies with God’s truths. You have to be aggressive in casting down the taunts of the enemy! God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. When lies are entrenched in your psyche, it affects your countenance, how you talk and your self – esteem. When God finally blesses you with a good thing, you may be constantly doubting yourself. As a result, the relationship suffers.

Counter these lies by soaking yourself in God’s word. Mediate on His promises. Be proactive in what you allow your ears to hear, eyes to see and lips to utter.