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We’re so excited for this training that is going to help you go from saying Hello for the first time all the way to saying, “I Do” for the last time with no regrets and fully confident you’re marrying God’s best for you.
The 5 Stages of a Relationship training will provide you with a roadmap for what to do within each stage of a relationship as you progress and all doing it God’s way.
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Month: September 2015
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The #1 Way To Serve Your Wife
I traveled to the Grand Canyon recently with my family. Needless to say, we took a lot of pictures. My wife used a Canon camera with a big lens and lots of buttons, and I used my cell phone. When I think of taking pictures, I feel they should always have people in them because what I want to remember is the shared experience of the location with the people I love.
My wife also took some pictures of the kids and I at the canyon, but she also wants to capture the beauty of the Grand Canyon by itself, with no people to be seen.
Or a picture of a flower.
Or a picture of a gecko lizard.
To her, these scenes are beautiful and she loves to capture beauty.
To me beauty is having people in pictures. To her, beauty is pictures with people and also pictures of the landscape.
I was reminded once again that the #1 way to serve your wife is found in the following axiom:
What matters to you, matters to me.
That line deserves your attention. Some people engrave words on a bracelet and walk around with it as a reminder to something that is important to them. I want to encourage you to evaluate what are the key interests in your wife’s life that matter to her. What are the things that make her passionate, cause her concern, stimulate her curiosity, and create life in her being?
Ask her about it. If you already know, ask her about it again. She will love it.
Then, do whatever it takes to engrave those things on your heart. Or, make one at www.reminderband.com for $10.00 so that you can be reminded every day that you want to serve her and serve her well in what matters to her.
Think about all the ways you can focus on what matters to her.
If drinking coffee matters to her, buy her an espresso machine.
If thriving in her career is of utmost importance to her, ask her how you can encourage her.
If traveling the world matters to her, brainstorm how you can start doing that more.
If helping the hopeless is on her heart, listen to her and see where you both can make a difference in their lives.
You can do this. You can make your wife more of a priority. You can choose to spend quality time with her. You can connect with her and when you connect with her you will find out…
What
Matters
To
Her
Will
Matter
To
You.
Question: When are you going to re-engage with your wife so you know daily what matters to her?
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Did God Really Tell Me Who “The One” Is?
Being single is rough because our minds can begin to wonder about who the one is and how we are going to meet them. So many of us can quickly get deceived into believing that God told us who we are supposed to marry. We need to be very diligent because God rarely speaks this way. Sometimes our desires can get confused with God’s voice, and that is why we have to be extra discerning about the men and women around us!
Here are two practical ways that can help you discern whether you are listening to God’s voice correctly or not:
1. Be extremely honest with yourself.
Go back to the time before you “heard” God tell you who the one is, and ask yourself several questions. Was it really God’s voice telling you he/she is the one, or do you just need to admit that you like this person?
How did their name even come up in a conversation with you and God in your prayer time? Could it be possible that you desired so much to have some one like this person, that you felt God wanted the best for you, so you turned it into a yes? God wants the best for us and this is why, before asking God a question, we have to be ready to hear the answer no matter what it is.
2. Look at the history you have with this person.
Have you been friends for a long time? How often do you hang out? Have they ever brought up a dating conversation? Do you have peace about them? Get to the root of the situation.
When the right person comes along, there should be no confusion on their intentions towards you. Ladies, the right guy knows what he wants and will not hesitate to go after you. Men are pursuers in nature. A wise woman once said, “The right man will wake up one morning and know who his bride is.” Men, the right woman is going to be for you and not against you.
God will not tell you who the one is in order for you to suffer, get confused, or struggle. Many of us make this situation worse because we look for ways in which God can confirm if this person is the one. This is so dangerous because our desires can sometimes appear in our dreams, making the situation overly-spiritual.
Love is a choice, therefore it has to be mutual. If God speaks to one, He will also speak to the other. Even if we think we have heard God’s voice, we need to be discerning, patient, and never settle that person is the one in your heart until…like Solomon says, “Do not awaken love until it so desires” (SS 2:7). Ladies, let this man desire you and pursue you like you deserve! Men, if you are pursing and she is playing games, do not waste your time!
If you know you struggle with this, do a heart-check. Begin to declare the word of God in your prayer time and renew your mind. I encourage you, pray for your husband/wife, but be careful not to go too far. God wants us to marry the right person, but first we have to stay focused and be faithful in this season of singleness.
Do not settle, and trust God that he knows you well enough to bring your spouse at the right time. No matter how long you have waited, it will be worth it. Do not be deceived, and save yourself from heartache. Let’s stand strong by not allowing any distractions come our way. Pick up your weapon of choice and remember; you are mighty through God.
Do you desire to marry the one?
Join Jamal and Natasha Miller, Founder’s of Married and Young for a SPECIAL 1 Hour FREE WEBINAR.
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Matt 25:29: “To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.”
As we approach fall, I become a little anxious of all the tasks ahead. Aside from spending time with God daily, work, mentoring organizations, ministry, sitting on the board of another organization, friendships and day to day life, I have a whole relationship to make sure I don’t neglect. If I’m not careful, I’ll allow my anxiety to completely overwhelm me, ultimately shutting me down.
With that said, here are few tip to ensure you manage all the God has given you properly, including your boo:
Time Management and Relationships
-Communicate your weekly to-dos.
-Schedule at least two major “hang-outs” per month, the rest can be spontaneous.
-Don’t waste your time together arguing.
-Make the most of date night, do more than the movies and dinner.
-Talk on the phone and send sweet text messages.
-Adhere to you significant other’s love language when together.
-Turn off or silence cellular devices.
Making Time For God
-Read a daily devotional
-Ride in silence to work, praying over your day and week.
-Schedule daily alone time with God, and keep to it.
-Journal (I keep my journal with me at all times).
-Find an accountability partner.
-Read on chapter a day from a book of you choosing.
Day-To-Day
-Create a list of your current commitments.
-Eliminate commitments that do not line up with your purpose, or no longer bring you joy.
-Learn to say no.
-Put EVERYTHING on a calendar.
-Prepare for your week On Sunday Night.
-Create a to-do list.
-Focus on the task at hand.
Taking care of Yourself
-Schedule “Me” time, and stick to it.
-Identify your coping skills (things that relax you).
-Eat healthier, for more energy.
-Do something by yourself, a movie or dinner.
-Try something new.
It is imperative that you are a good steward over that which God has blessed you with, that goes for careers, relationships, friendships and your anointing. God cannot and will not bless you with greater if you are unable to manage what He’s blessed you with already! Seriously, how can God give you a significant other when you haven’t learned how to make time for Him, or a spouse when you and your boyfriend/girlfriend don’t spend quality time, or children when you barely have time for your husband/wife! Take the first step to being a good steward over what God has given you by managing it more effectively and balancing life!
Best,
Shannon C Colar
1st Corinthiams 4:2- Moreover it is required in stewards that a man be found faithful
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Not All Advice is Good Advice
When you get married, everyone will have lots of advice for you. The key as a newly married couple will be taking that advice and measuring its value to you and your spouse. Remember, not all advice is good advice.
“Folly brings joy to one who has no sense, but whoever has understanding keeps a straight course.” Proverbs 15:21
I was recently at a wedding when I overheard a guest giving the married couple advice, when I realized the individual did not have solid ground to stand on for the area of concern she was speaking into. It was in that moment that I realized the importance of discernment in marital advice. Not that this individual had poor intentions, but it is important to understand how to take a piece of advice and measure it to your relationship.
I want to challenge you to look at the source of the advice.
What level of experience are they speaking from? How long has this couple been married?
It is okay to take advice from newlywed peers, but you need to realize that their experience comes from a limited view. Use your peers to help you and your spouse collaborate on creative resolutions to problems you are seeing in your marriage; after all, they are walking in a very similar season of life as you. However, do not be afraid to reach out to couples that have been married for a greater length of time for more mature advice. Couples that have been together for 10+ years have been through more seasons, including ups and downs, then your friends with a limited viewing platform.
Does this person have the same foundational values/principles as you to speak into this certain situation?
Although a couple may be married longer, this does not mean their advice is greater. If you and your spouse approach obstacles with a Godly perspective, it is pivotal to ensure the couple you are looking to can speak from that perspective. If you are looking for financial advice, going to a married couple that struggles with finances is not going to be the best place to establish a solid financial foundation. Understand the realm of perspective in which they provide their advice from.
Can you see fruit in their relationship/marriage?
At the end of the day, be careful of the advice that you take. If you cannot see the fruit of the advice given in the source’s relationship, I would be cautious in applying the principles. Understand that you and your spouse are different than other couples and what works for one, may not work for another.
Above all, communicate. You and your spouse know each other better than anyone else. Figure out what works for you, and go for it. If what you try doesn’t work, you can always try again. That’s the beauty of marriage – it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Given enough time, you both will figure out how to work together in order to make your marriage the most fulfilling for the two of you.
In a culture where many people are offended with church or feel like it does not serve them well, research continues to prove that attending church regularly helps people’s marriages and children greatly. Below I will share some of the ways church attendance can be a blessing for you!
1. Church helps create routine- Children thrive on routine and structure. Church helps your whole family develop a weekly routine with something to plan for and look forward to weekly.
2. Church helps create traditions- What keeps a society going are traditions and cultures. When you attend church with your family, certain traditions such as prayer, worship, Christmas and other christian holidays are encouraged and and therefore continue to in your family tradition.
3.Church serves as a support system for your marriage- According to a University of Michigan Study, couples who attend church together tend to have happier marriages. There are several reasons for this including the reasons mentioned above, as well as having a support system to encourage you to keep going when things get tough.
4. Church helps you develop a legacy of God for your family- In a really busy world, attending church helps your family have time to connect with God through prayer, worship and fellowship. Make sure your church has a good kids program where the children are also learning the word of God.
5.Church provides friendships- If you are in a good and healthy church, hopefully there are different groups for men and women. These types of groups help provide an outlet away from your spouse. Couples that have friends and can get away form their spouse from time to time tend to have healthier marriages.
There are countless other benefits of a attending church with your family. It’s not enough just to attend church though, make sure you get involved and plugged into different ministries and be sure to connect your kids with other kids. It will be a blessing for your whole family.
Everyone wants to be wealthy, but few put in the time and effort that it takes to become wealthy. Hence, the poor and middle class make up almost the entire American population. Similarly, everyone wants a great marriage, but few put in the time and effort that it takes to be a good spouse and develop a marriage worth bragging about. Hence, millions of marriages end in divorce.
These two phenomena, in my opinion, are what the average American citizen consists of in today’s culture: either broke and divorced (or broke and wishing they had married someone else). I believe that this cycle can be broken, and I don’t believe it’s a daunting task. With the proper mindset, a prosperous marriage is very achievable by anyone reading these words.
Here are 5 perspective shifts to begin your journey to a healthy and wealthy marriage.
1. You and your spouse are one.
Whether you have joint or separate bank accounts is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter who the bread winner is or who spends more. You are one. Your money is your spouse’s money, too, and the sooner you grasp that concept, the sooner your conversations about finances will stop ending in fist fights.
(Figuratively, or course. If you and your spouse are literally having fist fights, stop reading this and call a marital counselor immediately!)
2. Money is not God.
Too often, we let money control us instead of controlling our money. We get caught in a cycle: if we make more, we spend more, which means we need to make more in order to support our spending habits.
If we can get a grip on this when we have little, it will be much easier to tell your money what to do in the long run.
Learn to pay yourself first, and cut unnecessary expenses now instead of having to make drastic changes later on. Rather than reducing the amount you tithe or eliminating date night, maybe consider cutting cable for a while, or eat out less. You dictate how your money is spent. Don’t let the desire for more money and more stuff ruin your relationships.
3. Your spouse is your priority.
Your financial well-being should not determine your attitude toward your spouse. Yes, you should work hard to be successful, but the success of your marriage is more important than the success of your bank and investment accounts. Go on dates, practice intimacy, and share in all things. Money should never take priority over loving one another daily.
4. Your job is what you do, not who you are.
If you are wrapped up in a title, it’s very easy to settle. For example, I’m an Actuarial Analyst at a consulting firm. If that’s all I am, then that will forever be my only source of income, and likely the most important part of my life.
However, I choose to be a child of God and a husband who does actuarial work at a consulting firm, as well as writes blogs, invests, cares for people, and a handful of other things. I refuse to let a title override who I aspire to be and what I aspire to do.
5. Live for the hard times.
Couples that encounter tough times financially usually have one of two outcomes: they develop a strong, unbreakable marriage, or they call it quits. It may be difficult to see and understand the advantage you have when going through the trenches with your spouse.
We often make some sort of ultimatum, even if we don’t say it out loud, that isn’t easily met. So both parties give up, claim “irreconcilable differences,” and start over with someone new, hoping that this person is a little more on the same page.
What these couples never understand is the tremendous opportunity for growth. If you’re struggling financially right now, may these be the most thrilling times of your lives! Only in the trenches are you forced to find creative ways to make money, save money, go on cheap dates, or make a meal out of whatever is in the pantry.
You learn to rely on God for what you need and stop depending on things you don’t. And when times are good, you will already be prepared with the proper mindset to handle wealth and prosperity.
Whatever season of life you are in, may it make, not break, your marriage. May the proper mentality carry you through this season and into the next.
Marriage is one of the oldest institutions we have on the Earth. The first marriage ever recorded was that of Adam and Eve thousands of years ago at the genesis of man’s existence.
It is from this marriage we learn God’s desire for man not to be alone, but to have a helpmate to help accomplish God’s purpose for their lives.
Fast forward to modern day. People are still getting married even though it may be later in life marriage is still one of the top desires of human’s today. The desire to have someone committed to you, a person to love, and experience the ups and downs of life with.
Marriage has evolved greatly, but there are some things that haven’t changed at all and that is God’s purpose for marriage. Marriage is very important to God or He wouldn’t have created it.
But, it is very easy to forget why He created in the first place. If you look closely at Genesis 1:27, “and God said to them be fruitful and multiply, and fill the Earth, and subdue it;”
God gives man this command to be fruitful and multiply well before he created Eve in Genesis chapter 2. It was later after creating Adam and giving Him this command that He realized in order for Adam to fulfill this command to be fruitful and multiply He would need to have a “helpmate” to accomplish this grand task.
Later we find God speaking in the book of Malachi where he makes his top purpose for marriage very clear.
Malachi 2:15, “Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are His. And what does God want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.
This was God’s original purpose for marriage that from two people falling in love and committing to help, love, and support one another through the journey of life that one thing would come as a result and that is GODLY CHILDREN!
Godly children not only are a blessing to the parents, but they are also a blessing to our World.
Godly children eventually become Godly leaders, Godly business owners, Godly educators, and much more. Our children are the leaders of tomorrow. It is through raising our children to honor and love God they will become the answer to the problems in our society.
We learn how much God loves this World from John 3:16, “For God so loved the World that He gave HIS ONLY begotten Son that who ever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. God loves this World and every person in it that much.
So the next time you and your spouse are having a rough patch in your marriage and you question why you got married in the first place just remember what God desires to come forth from your marriage.
My wife and I just had our first child a little over 6 weeks ago, and I can tell you now how much she has changed our world is enough amazing, but the truth is she is here to do much more than that.
She is here to be the answer to the cry of our World at large. It is our responsibility as her parents to raise her up to become the Woman God has destined her to be. It is for this that our marriage is important to God.
Join myself and my wife this Thursday for a ABSOLUTELY FREE WEBINAR where we will be sharing our personal story of how our sex life almost ruined our marriage. It will encourage you and your spouse no matter what season you’re in.
Click here to sign up now!
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