Month: April 2014

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The Power In Comparing Yourself to Jesus in Your Marriage

 
Husbands, don’t compare yourself to Ryan Gosling’s character in The Notebook. Don’t compare yourself to your father; and especially don’t compare yourself to Don Draper in Mad Men, because the one thing that this group, which includes myself, has in common is that we all fall short as husbands in comparison to the Bridegroom: Jesus Christ.
It doesn’t matter how good or how bad you look when comparing yourself to one of the aforementioned husbands, because when you look at how Jesus loves His bride, you realize that we are all equally unworthy of admiration.
In the book of Ephesians, Paul told the husbands in Ephesus to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”1
I believe that as husbands we love our wives, and I’m sure we would give up our lives for them. But as romantic as this pledge of laying down your life for your wife sounds, the act of giving yourself up for your bride begins much sooner.
You don’t just tell your wife that you’ll lay down your life for her during your wedding day, but you prove it to her the day after your wedding day, and until the last day you are together. But what does giving yourself up look like?
When wondering what it looks like to “give [yourselfup for her,” look to Christ. Jesus was someone who spoke of his love for people, but he also proved his love for them. We see this when we read that Jesus “came not to be served, but to serve.”2
Husbands, are you a servant? Or do you expect to be served? If the latter, may I suggest looking to the humbleness of Christ. He is God, but out of love for His people, he humbled himself and served them. He went as far as washing their feet! And this was at a time when sweat resistant socks and Nike’s were not available. And here I am, struggling to rub my wife’s feet. If you are honest with yourself, you will see how miserably you have failed. You may have done some good, and for that I encourage you to continue, but husbands, we are all a work in progress. We all fall short of Christ’s example.
So what do we do; do we sit around drowning in a sea of our own self-loathing because we failed as husbands? Of course not! The great thing about Jesus is that because he loves his bride, He gave Himself up for her, and He bought her back from her old master (Sin and Death).
Husbands, we are Christ’s bride, and we are seeing daily how Jesus is a greater husband than we are. In light of this freeing knowledge, the first thing we should do is repent. We repent before the Lord and before our spouse for failing to live up to the call of Ephesians 5:25. After a time of repentance, have a conversation with your spouse. Ask her how she would like to be served, and hopefully you will find ways to serve. It can be washing the dishes, or in my case, even rubbing her feet. Giving up your life for your spouse begins with the little things in life.
When we seek to compare ourselves to someone, that someone should always be Christ. Looking at his life will convict us, motivate us, and will compel us to change. Through that process, your marriage will see growth, Christ will be glorified, and the Gospel will be exemplified. May we continue running this race with endurance for the glory of God, and for the good of our marriages. Soli Deo Gloria.

About the Author:

Eddie Mercado is a Pre-Seminary student at Kuyper College. He serves his church as a worship director, where he leads the local church in worshiping the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost through song. Him and his wife, Hillary, are expecting a child this September. They reside in Grand Rapids, MI.

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Dating/Courting Home

How To Determine if the Relationship is Going No Where

 
Would you invest your time, energy or finances into a college program for 2 years knowing you will not be awarded a degree or any form of official certification in the end?  Would you agree to consistently pay a car note every month for 3 years and at the end of paying the full cost of the car you have to return it to the dealership?
If not, why would you invest your time, energy and finances into a relationship that has no potential to go any where? It is imperative that you define every friendship, relationship or potential relationship before entering into it. Defining your relationships early will determine if the relationship is worth pursuing or entertaining.
If your relationships are undefined you risk the possibility of not receiving what you need.   There will be excessive confusion, miscommunication, and the relationship will most likely not grow or evolve into anything more than what it started out to be.
When relationships are undefined there is no clear agreement between the two persons involved of what is to be expected in the relationship or what are the needs of each person. In this case assumption becomes the foundation of the relationship and one or both people involved at some point becomes hurt or offended due to the lack of defining what they need or expect in the relationship. So how do you successfully define your relationships? Defining your relationship requires communication and for you to ask the right questions. Some key questions to ask are as follows:
“What do you expect out of this relationship?”
“What are your expectations of me?”
“Where would you like to see this relationship go?”
“How were your past relationships?”
“Who are you accountable to?”
“Are you willing to be transparent with me?”
“What are your goals?”
“What are some things that are important to you?”
“How is your commitment level?”
“What are some of your main responsibilities?”
“How is your relationship with God?”
“What are you strengths and weaknesses?”
 
If you or the other person believes these questions are too invasive, it is a clear indicator you are not ready to handle a relationship. Relationships are meant to be open and transparent. Without honesty, openness and transparency the relationship will never grow or mature. Asking these or similar questions will reveal the heart of the person and their intentions of wanting to pursue you. These questions are important factors in determining if you or the other person have the capacity to entertain a relationship with one another.
If one person in the relationship is not ready for a commitment, asking these questions will expose this issue. It will reveal the posture of their heart concerning relationships and whether or not they are ready and serious about pursuing you. After asking these series of questions (the determination stage is not limited to these few questions) it is important to not make plans to try to “fix” the other person, coach them into agreeing to be committed to you or proceed into a relationship when red flags are present.
 
Attempting to move forward in a relationship where it is clear that the other person is not ready for a commitment is unwise and a sure indicator the relationship will end in disappointment. It is unhealthy to assume if you invest time, energy, finances or put ‘work” into a person they will become ready.  Investing in a relationship with a man or woman who clearly shows signs of not being able to commit or are not interested in anything long term with you is like leasing and investing in a car and at the end of the agreement sending it back to the dealership to be purchased by someone else.
It is a waste of money and time and in the end you start back at square one. Just because you invest in someone does not mean they will grow to love, value, and honor or want to marry you. Asking key questions early on will determine if the person is close to or already positioned to offer you these things. It will always be your choice of whether or not you want to invest in a dead end relationship.
Choose Wisely!
 

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Finances Marriage

5 Ground Rules for Money Management

From the desk of the Modern Day Cindi:
One of the core values of a healthy marriage should include healthy finances. Even more importantly, although the marital bed should be kept warm and undefiled, it can indeed become cold, unsafe and distant—the space between spouses during times of financial unrest can feel like a deep, dark, bleak abyss.
Of course, the coolness of the mattress can happen for several reasons, but studies have shown that increasing distance between spouses is often due to the misunderstanding or misalignment of goals and/or intentions of how to manage current and future uses of money in the household. And this, by far, could be one of the worst things that could happen in the marital bed.
When I first got married, money was consistently at the center of most discussions. Whether in agreement or working through differing views, the discussion of finances never went away…in fact, the conversations became more and more detailed as each of us had to peel back layers of who we were to come to a common understanding that created a workable foundation.
During those communications, I learned that it was important to set ground rules so that the frustration around the money pot would not taint the sweetness of the honey pot. Here are a few of those ground rules:
Ground Rule #1: Transparency is key
Have open and honest communication. No Secrets! Be honest about your past and current state financially including salary/income, number of bills, outstanding debt, etc.
Ground Rule #2: Create a safe space
the environment should be such that it is easier to discuss finances and possible past mismanagement so that neither or either spouse feels condemned, judged, or alone.
Ground Rule #3:  Never stop communicating
Have the hard conversations, not only the easy ones, but the tough ones as well. These talks should occur frequently and early on in the relationship.
Ground Rule #4: Establish roles and responsibilities early-
lean on the stronger partner. For purposes of this discussion, stronger does not mean better or more dominant, it just means the person who is more equipped. If you are that spouse, be able to give without regret or retreat. In the event neither is capable, it is wise to enlist the help of a financial advisor, especially to manage the collective goals of the household.
Remember, the collective goals should also align with individual goals because a house divided against itself cannot stand.
Ground Rule #5: Have a game plan and revisit it often.
It is not enough to have good intentions, but it is best to create a plan together and work on it as a team (this includes prioritization of uses of money and paying off debt). Make the discussions fun and be realistic about the goals that are set. Establish milestones and designate celebrations for reaching goals.
Final thoughts: Our past and everything that was attached to it (and us) comes up when we get married—Our finances, financial practices and preferences, as well as our personalities including pride, rebellion, insecurity, lack of prioritization, being disorganized, family teachings, etc. are not exempt.
Know this: Management of finances can reflect who you are, where you are from, and what you value. Therefore, as a commitment to the marital covenant, value, protect and nurture this part of the marriage as an equally important component of establishing a partnership pleasing unto God. And again remember, a house divided against itself cannot stand.

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How My "I'm Grown Now" Mentality Gained Me 15 Pounds

When I was in college I was very active, I played volleyball for HU , Go Pirates!, and I often had to run to class because of my desire to sleep in…who schedules 8 AM classes anyway? So when I graduated, I wanted to avoid anything that was reflective of my need to participate in daily workouts and anxiety induced running to class (we were not allowed to be late for class).
 
When I moved to Chicago, I set out to reach a personal goal of trying a new pizzeria each weekend so that I can know which one was the best. This goal, although fun and a childhood dream to have as much pizza as possible, had its’ consequences. My new found “grown status” not only gave me independence but I gained 15 plus pounds. The shift from daily physical activity to a sedentary and stressful career along with eating sausage Chicago-style pizza each weekend was not healthy.
 
One day I read,
1 Corinthians 6:19, “Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, whom you have received [as a Gif\ from God? You are not your own.”
Along with remaining sexually pure, we have to understand that our bodies are used for the service and the dwelling place of the Lord. An overindulgent and unrestrained lifestyle does not allow for us to reflect that we allow the Holy Spirit to live in a healthy and clean temple but one that is sluggish, tired and overweight. I realized that I was not able to become a world changer if I was too tired to serve God’s people. Think about it, most of the work that we are called to do takes physical activity of your body-the temple of the Lord.
Worship leaders, teachers, preachers, missionary workers all need to have physical and mental stamina in order to serve efficiently. I noticed that when I changed my eating habits and increased my workouts, I was able to pray and worship longer allowing me the opportunity to pray for others with accuracy and clarity.
 
Don’t get me wrong…I am THE first person to post a new food or restaurant that I tried and I love watching food channels to find out about new places to try. Although I encourage new experiences, every night of unhealthy food and abandoning intentional workouts does not help you live a lifestyle reflective of an effective world changer.
 
Have you noticed that you always see testimonies of people after their weight transformation? What happened during that time frame between unhealthy and healthy? I am currently not at my goal weight but have increased my workouts to activities that I enjoy to reach towards my goal.
You will not lose all your weight within the first two weeks of working out. I know I know…I tried. It seems so easy to gain weight and so difficult to lose. Don’t give up and keep pressing.
Here are a few tips, that I have learned from experience on living a healthy lifestyle:
 
1. Find a workout that is fun for you!
I was a student-athlete in high school and college, and it eventually became laborious waking up early and I no longer enjoyed what I was doing. I erroneously went completely opposite of working out in the gym and starting exercising the couch and remote. I love to dance and will bop at any chance I get. I recently discovered Zumba Fitness where it is fun without evening noticing the intense workout that I am having.
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2. Include Friends and Family for Accountability
Your accountability can celebrate your successes and encourage you during your difficult seasons. It seems like it can take a week to gain 10 pounds and months to lose those same 10 pounds. Have someone around to encourage you will keep you focused on changing your lifestyle.
 
3. Change your Eating Habits
Avoid excess of processed fatty foods. A few years ago our senior pastors showed a video “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead”. After watching this video, we all went out and bought a juicer and threw away every bag of chips, cookies and soda that we had in our home.
It may have been an extreme action but we did not realize how and what we eat can affect our appearance, emotions and ability to focus. I am not a big vegetable eater (something I am working on) but while juicing, I am able to add all the veggies that I need and drink it. Pear, Kale Greens, Spinach and Ginger is a great combo and very tasty.
 
While in the midst of my personal lifestyle change, I hope this encourages someone to begin to change your daily eating and workout habits to one that is reflective of a world changer and a temple that is reflective of the dwelling place of the Lord.
 

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Financial Folly: A Husband's Testimony

Growing up I remember hearing my step-father say “Money has a mind of its own”. As a young boy I had no idea what that meant. I knew money could not have a personality because it was not alive so I dismissed it. It was not until I got to college that I began to understand what that statement really meant. At first I thought that money was supposed to be spent. After all, what good is currency that’s not moving right?
So with that, I spent…
I would get…then spend
Get…then spend.
It was so bad that I would spend when I did not have. And I did this constantly, repeatedly, and to no end. I had no clue at the time the pattern I was establishing was problematic, nor did anything alert me otherwise.
I was of the mindset that the financial decisions that I was making would only affect me – again, not at all realizing that there was a bigger picture that included more than just me but my teachings as a child gave my spending habits validity.
Then I got married. Now I was upfront-ish (kinda-sorta) about my financial past. Kira, my wife, knew about my financial past in part, but I had not informed her about how and why my financial past was the way it was.
That was a BIG mistake because telling only a portion of the truth is still a whole lie! We discussed finances and agreed to having a joint account. We decided we did not want any separation in our financial life; after all, the two have now become one!  We even agreed that Kira would handle the finances because she’s a better money manager than I am.
Let’s pause here. I know that’s not the popular thought. We (men) are inadvertently taught that the man should make and control the money. My abstention to that is, what if the man doesn’t have that skill…or not as strong as his wife? Is the family supposed to head to a financial hell? But I digress…
I thought I was doing ok. We agreed on the finances, so all should be well!!! WRONG!!!!!
The one thing that I never addressed was my mindset; specifically, the seed that was planted about money having a mind of its own.  It honestly was not until I began to write this post that I realized where my thoughts and processes of mismanagement arose. Money does not have a mind of its own— Instead, it takes on the mind of its owner!
My selfishness showed up in my money management. Battles with control, manipulation, and ego reared their head in this area too. The money did not have its own mind, so it personified the characteristics that I still had in me. Thankfully, we are no longer in this place AND our financial health is strong!!! HALLELUJAH
The truth is there is no glory in not enjoying all the fruits of marriage because of personal preference and choice. I realize, neither myself, my marriage or our finances could become stronger until I recognized and put to death my philosophy on money, told my wife with the whole truth, and came up with a resolution.
My closing encouragement for husbands and wives is to self-asses where you are mentally and emotionally as it relates to finances and address with your spouse any hurdles that should be known upfront or come about. This, I know, makes a huge difference in establishing peace in the home!

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Marriage Parenting

Women, When Is It Okay to Be Selfish?

 
As women we take on the burden of being everything to everyone. We wear multiple hats, sometimes one at a time, and at other times two and three hats all at once. We give and give and give of ourselves to ensure that the people around us are taken care of, loved on, nurtured, comforted, encouraged, provided for, and appreciated.
As mothers we will bend over backwards to chauffeur the children to school and practices, work on homework, volunteer at their school, and squeeze in some semblance of quality family time before bed. As wives we will make sure the house is clean, dinner is made, egos are stroked, the husband feels like “the man”, our “wifey duties” are handled, and all while maintaining the balance of being an independent woman with being a submissive wife.
And these are just our “home” hats.  We also wear the daughter hat, the sister hat, the auntie hat, the minister/ and or minister’s wife hat, the employee/ employer hat, and the friend hat.
 
With all that we have on us each day, how often do we take off all those hats and put on the “ME” hat?
Not often at all. We, as women, have become so consumed with the welfare of other people that by the time we get to ourselves, we are depleted of all energy, strength, and effort. It is in our nature to nurture, to help, to give, but it is always directed outward and hardly ever inward.
Pamela Hines writes in her book The Fabric of a Woman,  “Unfortunately, many women sacrifice their personal care, growth, or development because they devote all of their time and efforts to serving others… but how can we really give ourselves to our families, and to others who depend on us, if we fail to first take the time to get what we need?”.
You will be more of what everyone else needs you to be, including yourself, when you have properly tended to yourself.
It is ok to be selfish and have “ME” moments.
You will be happier, feel better, and be able to do more when you are at full capacity, but you can only be at your best if you place value on yourself enough to invest in yourself. When we constantly give out and never replenish, we have the potential to do more harm in our relationships than good. We begin to operate out of frustration, irritability, and resentment for others and for the job that we love. As women we tend to feel that it is not ok to take time for ourselves.
“Who will do it if I don’t?” “So and so needs me. I can’t say no”.  “Let me just do it so that it gets done”. We convince ourselves that we have to do everything because it’s our job to do it, but taking care of everything means taking care of ourselves as well.
 
Challenge yourself to be OK with having those selfish moments. Spend time doing something that makes you happy.  Give yourself what you would give to others… YOU.

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You the Man

You the Man
You’re the provider
You’re the protector
You are to love her, never neglect her
Follow The Lord
Obey His Word
It is a guide as well as a sword
This life is real, you can’t do it alone
When it get’s real, just look to the throne
My God is faithful, He’s always there
Jehovah Jireh hears your prayers
Don’t fret my friend, for a friend He is
When you’re Spirit led, you’re one of His kids
Put God at the center
Let Him be your mentor
For He gives such great advise
Get to know Him well He’s real nice
Try not to worry when it get’s blurry
Just be patient, He’ll make it clear
Seek His face He’ll draw you near
Take His hand
Follow His plan
He’s ordered your steps, for you the man

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Dating/Courting Engaged Finances Home Marriage Parenting

Ask Dr. Faith: 7 Keys to Balancing Marriage, Motherhood, Ministry, and Marketplace

In the last 2 years of my life, which have included marriage, motherhood, ministry, and marketplace, I have learned that balance is not achievable, but there is a way to do all four. I have been in ministry for 15 years, married for two years, a mother for one year, and a business owner for 9 months. Is it difficult yes, but I believe it is doable. Today, I will share the 7 most important things I have learned about each of these areas and how I balance them. Most people ask me “how do you do it,” and my answer is chaotically but gracefully. A lot of people have ideas about what a life full of marriage, ministry, motherhood, and business looks like.  But the truth is, you really don’t know until you get there. When I was pregnant I took 5 months off and that was incredibly hard for this busy beaver, but it was really important to recognize the necessity in doing so. That leads me to my first point:
 

  1. I have learned that every season and every role is important and sacred. I do not rush through taking care of or being with my son to get to the next task even though I want to sometimes. When I do, I just get frustrated and I rob myself of precious time that could be spent with him. So with that lesson learned I began to work around his naps and when he goes to bed. There are many times I still get frustrated trying to answer emails while he is pulling on my dress or asking to play, but nowadays I catch myself and let whatever I am doing go and give him my attention. I have learned that sometimes I can only do one thing at a time and that is fine.  I have learned not to feel guilty for putting my work aside and playing with my baby. I know as I honor my role as a mother, God will honor me as a work at home mom. Raising my baby is just as important as making the money to contribute to my family.  It helps that my husband is in graduate school and has several classes at night, which allows me to work and then focus on him when he returns. That leads me to point two.
  2. Manage your time wisely. When you are in multiple roles time can be your best of friend and the worst of friend. Learn to categorize things in your head and write down a block schedule. Whatever you do, try to have a clear map of how you are going to steward your day. Yes there are always surprises, but try to get back on track as soon as you can. I intentionally work hard to create time for my service to God, my husband, my son, and my career. Create spaces in your schedule and designate chunks of time for each task. Put first things first: Jesus, husband, children, and ministry/work. Sometimes you may feel like you are drowning in water and what you are giving is not enough, but if you do it out of a heart of love, it is enough. Give yourself Grace.
  3. Everything is not always going to be perfect and that’s okay. Life as a wife and working mother is nothing like the magazines. My house sometimes is not as clean as I would like, my prayer time not as long, my productivity not as much, but I give my best to all I have been given to steward. Do your best and get help. Find a friend who loves to clean, someone who can occasionally watch your baby so you can work, or someone who could plan meals. Plan systems and creative ways to keep your home and life running smoothly. However, the sooner you realize there will be a lot of times where things won’t run smoothly, and the sooner you become okay with that, the happier (more peaceful, settled, content)  you and those around you will be. Do not fall under the trap of perfection―do what works for your family. I pray you have a supportive husband, split chores, share in responsibilities and you will be just fine. When you fall short, repent and keep moving. Remember there is always tomorrow.
  4. Learn to understand the season you are in. I have been very eager to finish writing the books that have been hanging in the balance for awhile now, however book writing requires prolonged moments of quietness which are currently nonexistent in my life. I was so frustrated, until I realized this was not a season for books but for blogs. Using blogs I could still get out what I had to share with the world just in a shorter form. It does not mean I will not write again, it just means it is not a season for novels. Understanding the season I am in helped me release the pressure I was putting on myself. When I was single, or even before the baby, I could “go, go, go,” but seasons have changed and some things will just need to wait.  Be realistic with the goals for all areas of your life. What you can do―do it now. What you can’t do now― you can do it later.
  5. Family first. Since I am on the road quite a bit I decided that I would take my family with me as much as possible. Ministry is family. I do not believe that your calling or assignment ends just because you become a wife or mother. Instead, your calling enlarges and you are given a different sphere of influence. As a woman preacher, my heart is to include my husband and children in the work of the Lord, so much, that it all merges together. Serving Jesus and being a family should just be as normal as breathing. Care first for your husband’s emotional, spiritual, and physical needs, then your children, and then everyone else. This sort of prioritizing will be a model for others to see and follow in a ministry settings. Read the Word and pray with your husband, have family Bible reading times, dream together as a family, and always make God the center of everything. As you honor your commitments to your husband and children, I believe God honors your commitments to those you have been called to serve.
  6. Have Fun. As tiring and difficult as this season can be for some, it is also wonderful and beautiful. Life is all about perspective. The way we see the world effects what we will receive from it. Look at the not so funny moments of life, and remember you will laugh about them later. Take it easy on your spouse and children. Find time to go on vacations, have family fun nights, and laugh, laugh, laugh. Jesus came so you could have this kind of abundant life. When you want to complain remember there are so many other women who wish they had a husband, children, work, or ministry. Be GRATEFUL. Ungratefulness breads discontentment. Rejoice in who you are, what you have, and where you are going.
  7. Take care of yourself. This is an area I am working on constantly because my schedule just seems impossible. But now that it is warming up, I take a 20 minute walk with the baby in his stroller twice a day. It is good for him to get out, the mental break helps my creativity, and the walking serves as my exercise for the day. I am very protective of my time. I make sure I spend at least two hours a week watching a movie or favorite show. It is hard for me to put the iPad down, or the phone, but I remind myself that my productivity is based on my level of rest. I get my hair and feet done often, and I really push for those alone times even if it is only several hours a week!

I know I have so much more to learn, but one thing I know is that this is doable. There is no balance, but there is a way. Be all God has called you to be and live a fulfilled life. For a consult on how to balance your life better email me at info@askdoctorfaith.com.

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Engaged Marriage Physical Intimacy

4 Requirements from God for a Thriving Marriage

The first marriage ever recorded in the history of humankind is found in Genesis 2 with our parents, Adam and Eve. Since that marriage, hundreds of thousands of other men and women have followed in their footsteps.  Those that have invented things that have changed the course of history will never be forgotten. From Konrad Zuse, inventor of the computer, Alexander Bell, inventor of the telephone, to Madame C.J. Walker (inventor of hair lotion) who all have made a stamp on this world through their contribution.  But, no invention will ever be able to trump God’s invention of marriage.  Be encouraged by these requirements from the Inventor of marriage!
 
1. Work as a Team
 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4.11-12
God brought you and spouse together in order to work your purpose together.  It is very easy to forget during hard moments when you and your spouse are disagreeing that you are on the same team.  On any team the hardest challenge is learning how to work in sync with your teammates.  Professional teams spend years learning one another in order to perfect their teamwork ability.  You may differ greatly from your spouse, but its in the differences that you can learn to value what your spouse has.
 
2. Enjoy Your Spouse.
 
Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose – don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Proverbs 5:18-19 (MSG)
 God gives you full permission to enjoy your spouse to fullest.  In between the long hours at work, taking care of kids, and keeping everyone else happy around you; enjoying your spouse can easily be pushed to the bottom of the list.  Make it a priority to enjoy your spouse in some way each day whether that be through a great night of passionate sex, intimate pillow talk, or cuddling on the couch for a late night movie once the kids are in bed. They are a gift to you, and you deserve to enjoy them.
 
3. Husbands never stop loving. Wives never stop respecting.
 Wives submit to your husbands, as fitting to the Lord. Husbands love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 3:18-19 (NKJV)
 There is a great book written by Emmerson Eggerichs entitled, “Love and Respect”.  In this book he does an excellent job at breaking down this biblical principle.  Husbands desire respect more than anything from their wives, and wives desire love more than anything is respect.  When a husband feels respected by his wife then loving her is even easier, and when a wife feels loved by her husband, respecting him is even easier. Husbands you can love her over and above by paying attention to the details of her life and putting extra effort into meeting her needs. Wives you can show him more respect by trusting his leadership, listening well to the things that are heavy on his heart, and praying forth those things to God.
 
4. Be A Peacemaker.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3 (NKJV)
I released a quote on my Facebook page about how you have to “work” everyday at making your marriage better. Well, that sparked a little debate between some of my readers.  One person disagreed, stating, “your marriage shouldn’t be a chore that you have to work at it.”  I disagreed with him and used this verse to back up my reasoning.  It is clear here that God says we must make every effort to keep unity even when being angry or unforgiving is easier. Being a peacemaker in your home shouldn’t be left up to one spouse, but both should make every effort to keep the peace.  Yes, you will disagree and argue, but the purpose is to patiently come to a resolve with even more love for each other.

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Trust God To Write Your Love Story

Chapter 3-Lady of Faith
 
To recap from my last post (friend-ectomy-assessing-who-stays-and-who-goes)  in The Lady in Waiting series, Ruth’s and Orpah’s husbands died.  So Naomi and her daughters-in-law were without their husbands (their lover and provider) in Moab (a foreign land for Naomi). Naomi urged her daughters-in-law to go back to their parents homes in hopes of remarrying a Moabite.  Naomi decided to go back to her homeland in order to survive. Orpah took Naomi’s advice but Ruth did not want to leave Naomi. Ruth chose to trust God. She ran the risk of not getting remarried since she was a Moabite in Bethlehem.
But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. (New International Version, Ruth 1:16)
“She looked not with sensual sight but with eyes of faith. She chose to trust with her heart for the future her eyes could not yet see”  Jones,D and Kendall, J (1995). Lady in Waiting. Shippensburg,PA: Destiny Image Publishers, Inc.
 
We often turn off our faith eyes and choose to look with sensual sight when waiting for our spouses. The bible says “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (New International Version, Hebrews 11:1).
 
You may be saying, “I’m getting too old or I don’t see any prospects in this church/city.” I know when I was single, I thought I had to be in the most logical place to potentially be found. While in college, my church had a single’s group and believed that could be where I meet “the one”.
 
At this church, my pastor encouraged all the single women to let your future husband find you working for the Lord. He pretty much told us to stop thinking about it and focus on Jesus and he will find you. It took a while for my pastors’ advice to sink in, but it finally did. I needed to be like Ruth and not Orpah. Ruth wasn’t trying to be found when she was gleaning from the field of Boaz, and she didn’t do research about who the owner of the field was. She knew that her and Naomi needed to eat. She was found by Boaz while she was taking care of business.
 
God doesn’t need you to be somewhere or to do something to get “the one’s” attention. He will bring your mate to you. Rest in his faithfulness because He desires to give you the best. Have faith that God will give you the desires of your heart.
 
I started trusting God to write my love story. Little did I know, I had already met my husband five years earlier at a black student union meeting on campus.  I met him at a time that I was not even looking for him. Matter of fact, I was in an unhealthy relationship with someone else. After I listened to God and severed that unhealthy relationship and allowed Him to repair me internally, I was finally ready to be found. God could speak to my heart about me to prepare me for my husband.
 
I knew that Jesus loved me. I starting believing that I was valuable and worthy of the best. I knew that I did not want to settle any longer. I knew I wanted to be married for life, so I did not want “me” to get in the way. I wanted a God orchestrated love story. He gave me just that. I can honestly say that I have a fairytale love story. And the best is yet to come.
 
On behalf of Married and Young, I will be blessing someone with this book. In order to enter into the drawing you have to do two things: 

  1. Follow Married and Young on Facebook
  2. Commented on at least one of the 4 posts of the Lady in Waiting Series on Married and Young