Month: April 2017
I use to be the woman that would pursue men for a relationship. I would call them and make it known that I wanted to date them. Of course, they said YES. Not long after I would see that I was the one doing all the pursuing, footing the bill, and still lonely. Just to show the world I had a man. I settled for less because I couldn’t see how blessed I really was.
I was in a vulnerable place because I didn’t truly know my identity. I was longing from something from these men that they couldn’t give me. In the process I was left wide open and allowed men to be plugged into me that shouldn’t have been.
I allowed these men to be plugged into me emotionally, spiritually and sexually. They were draining my power. Because I wasn’t grounded in the word of God at the time , I was dying. They were taking all my energy.
I shared that to say, single women should pursue God only. Never purse a man. As you can see in my case of pursuing a man it caused me to die in the process.
We as godly women are in covenant relationship with God. He covers us as we pursue Him daily. The purpose we have on the inside of us has to be covered by God so that no one can tamper with it.
If that man is for you, God will reveal it to the both of you. That man will also have to pursue God to find you. While you are both pursing God, there you will be positioned to be found.
As I was in my single season, I learned how to pursue God. One day, I saw this young man at church that I admired from afar. I wanted to pursue him so bad because that was what I did. I remember God telling me I could no longer pursue men. It would all happen in his timing. So of course, I waited on God.
That young man actually pursued me and continued to pursue me while were courting. That man is now my husband.
God revealed this to me: if we would have pursued each other and left God out of the process, all the glory would belong to us and not God. As we both pursued God, He was able to get all the glory for bringing us together as one.
Single women should pursue God. Everything else will work out in your favor.
We live in a generation where courtship turns into marriage within 6 months or less. Because of that, I was often asked, “ What’s taking him so long?” Besides that being a question from him, it made me uncomfortable that people were bothered by our relationship status more than we were. Newly engaged, I don’t regret a minute spend being his girlfriend, and here’s why:
1. Divorce is REAL!
I’ve witnessed young people rush into marriage…better yet a world of problems. See, my fiancé and I both believe “Divorce is not an option”. With that being said, we wanted to ensure when we say “I Do” there would be no need for the “D” word. We truly spent 3 years getting to know one another on a deep level, learning flaws, triggers, and fine-tuning our communication skills. Because of that, we know each other like the back of our hands.
2. I Knew What I Wanted!
After only 6 months of dating, I knew he would be my husband. We’d been friends for 4+ years, he knew every part of me, and I him. Sure, I didn’t think it would take 3.5 years, but I was willing to wait. He was EVERYTHING I asked God to send me. I lacked nothing in him, and I knew we shared the desire to get married!
3. I Prayed!
Spring of 2016, I spent a lot of time with God regarding our relationship and its status! God asked me, what do you want? I rattled off what everyone else thought I should have, and he asked me again “What do you want”. After conversing with God and laying my troubles at His feet, I felt a renewing in our relationship! I knew my doubt didn’t come from the relationship itself, but the people who shared unsolicited opinions.
4. I Can DO What I Want
People have always had and always will have an opinion. If it’s not about engagement, it’s about how you should do the wedding, when you’ll have babies….it’s a never ending cycle. The truth of the matter is I CAN DO WHAT I WANT…WHAT WE WANT. There’s no rule book stating marriage must commence within a certain time frame. When I realized that, I felt a freedom to do what I wanted!
5. Finally, God’s Timing Is Perfect
God knew what He was doing in making me wait. Had I got married sooner, I’d be on divorce court (lol). Yes! I can admit it! My heart was consumed with being a bride, not a wife. During my time of prayer, God revealed the areas I needed to work on. I guess my engagement is God’s seal of approval of my intentional hard work!
I chose to wait because I wanted to! I waited because there’s nothing wrong with it! I waited because I needed to grow! I waited because the day I would get engaged was marked on God’s calendar (Psalm 139:16, NLT). Ladies and gents, stop adhering to timelines that don’t exist, trying to beat a clock created by social media, operating according to someone else’s love story or being moved by what others have to say! Let God be the author and the finisher of your love story!
XOXO,
A Very Happy “Future Ms. Terry”