Month: July 2016

Categories
Marriage Single

Is Everyone Meant to Get Married?

This is a question I get often as a counselor and one I even wrestled with when I was single. It is not one that can not be easily answered with a simple yes or no. Before I share my opinion on the topic, we will have to take into account cultural norms about marriage including when it should happen and what it means to the culture when someone is single or married etc. Before I answer the question here are some reason why I think some people do not get married:
1. Focused on school and career.
2. Have emotional and spiritual issues that prevent them from finding a mate or committing to a mate.
3. Have unrealistic expectations.
4. Do not know how to be pursued or pursue a woman.
5. They have believed lies about marriage that keep them from committing.
6. Timing.
7. Generational curses and spiritual hindrances.
This is connected to a previous blog I wrote concerning “The One“. I believe that God brings people that are eligible and it is our job to choose them based on biblical standards, core values, and goals etc. What does that mean?
You may have had someone who was a perfect match for you, but due to whatever reason you did not get married, that doesn’t mean no one will come around. According to the CIA fact book, the ratio of men to women right now between 25 and 55 is  one to one, so there is a great chance that he or she is out there.
So why do some people not get married?
Besides the reasons I mentioned above, I do know people who really have no desire for marriage, nothing is wrong with them psychologically, they have simply been given the gift of celibacy and they find fulfillment and joy in serving the Lord and other people. These people most of the times have never  had a desire to be married.
Now how about the ones who desire to be married and are not? I believe that God is a good father, he will not give us desires for something that is beautiful and his design and then just dangle it like a carrot for us to never achieve. What I have seen is that most people who desire marriage and have godly motives towards marriage, have worked out any emotional and faulty beliefs and are walking in purpose eventually get married.
Now you can get married with all those issues, but it is best to make sure you deal with you until the one comes. Do not settle, focus on God and walk in purpose and sooner or later you will find someone walking alongside you.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

3 Signs You Are Ready for Marriage

people, race, ethnicity and portrait concept - happy african american young woman with open arms in summer park

by Chasity DeLaCruz
“Hey! Don’t burn the marshmallows!” Dad got my attention just in time.  I was trying out a new recipe, and our kitchen had sweet potatoes, baked fish and seasoned veggies scattered all over the place. At that moment in my life, I felt an overflow of love in my heart for the first time which led me to promise myself that one day, I will cook the same dish for my future husband. Not only this, but I wanted to cook only the best food for my better half. This also enlightened me with another realization; this was actually the first sign I saw in myself that I was ready for marriage.
There are many things that can hint to you on your readiness for committing to someone for the rest of your life. The first question you need to ask yourself before preparing for marriage is whether or not you believe God is calling you to be married. Everyone isn’t called to be married, but if you know that marriage is for you and you want to get clear on when you are ready to allow your future spouse in your life, you’re in the right place!
Here are three signs to know you are ready for marriage:

1. You See Your Partner In Your Future

Make sure that you can envision yourself building a legacy with your special someone. Do your long term goals consider your future spouse? Have you thought about how you could serve in ministry with your future mate? These are all ways that a person who is ready for marriage would consider their partner in their future plans.

2. You Are a Team Player

It’s important to understand that getting married is not all about you. Can you imagine yourself serving your partner, even when you don’t feel like it? Will you be willing to cook that meal or listen about their day when all you want to do is rest? Your readiness to be a team player is a big sign that you are prepared to consider marriage.

3. You Understand Your Core Values

The best way to date with a purpose and get aligned with a partner who shares your same values is to get clear on your core values. What is important to your life? What are your top 3 core values? If you are crystal clear on your values, you will have a better change to get a mate with similar values.
 
The bottom line is that being ready for marriage is more about your willingness to accept the level of responsibility and wisdom needed to build your life with a loving partner, and pursue a purpose-driven relationship.  At the right moment, you will have your “Ah ha” moment and realize that you are indeed ready for marriage.
 
About Chasity: Chasity DeLaCruz is the founder and creator of chasitydelacruz.com. She is a wife, mom, missionary and dating strategist. She helps amazing women create their dream relationship by dropping causal dating and taking on dating with a purpose. Chasity has mastered the art of creating a purpose-driven relationship, and she’s an expert at helping women prepare for a God-centered marriage.

Categories
Dating/Courting Marriage

5 Benefits of Marrying Your Best Friend

Portrait Of Happy Young Couple In Garden

As many guy best friends often get stuck in the “friend zone,” here are some points to consider on why your best friend may just be the perfect spouse in the making.
 

  1. You enjoy the same things.

Chances are if he is your best friend, you probably have a few things in common – whether that’s hiking, reading books, your passion for working out, ministry, etc. You probably share common interests that make you enjoy this person’s company. Knowing you like the same things can only help to guarantee that you will always have fun!
 

  1.  They know you better than you know yourself.

 
Although this may not be entirely true, your best friend has the ability to recognize things about you that you may not see for yourself, constantly encouraging you to be the best version of YOU! With marriage being a super friendship, having a partner that supports you and loves you unconditionally for who you are will go a long way.
 

  1. What you see is what you get – as in, you know what you are getting into.

When a relationship starts after a friendship, it is likely that you have seen this person at their highest and lowest, through their ups and downs. Starting with a friendship allows you to see how this person will react in different situations because they are not trying to impress you, but are merely being themselves. Friendship allows you to see an individual in their most natural form, before feelings enter and potentially blur judgments or cloud perspective.
 

  1. You share the same morals, values, and beliefs.

Although I don’t think any two people may ever be 100% on the same page, sharing your life with someone that has the same ideology as you will have positive effects on your relationship. It allows you to connect on a deeper level, and ensure the foundation of your own family would be raised up on those same values that are important to you.
 

  1. When the feelings fade, you still like each other.

Feelings are a funny thing – they come and go, but true love is deeper than a feeling. A relationship built on friendship instills a greater, more firm foundation rather than one built on something that is fleeting. You realize you enjoy being around this person because you like who they are as a whole, not just for their looks or something superficial. Aside from feelings, friendship may also carry a deeper sense of trust and loyalty. Often best friends have gone through many seasons with you, and to remain by your side through it all, may give just a glimpse of how your love could stand the test of time.
 
I hope this challenges you to revisit your original thoughts on a friendship you may have. Who knows, your future husband could be that friend you swore you would never date as my husband once said about me.  
 
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Five Things I Would Tell My Teenage Self About Marriage

This is a little embarrassing for me to admit, but hey, I’m feeling pretty generous today: most of what I learned about romance, I learned from Saved by the Bell. Zack Morris, the smooth-talking, charismatic, “blonde Tom Cruise” protagonist had that effect on lots of men-in-training in the late 80’s to mid 90’s.
As a burgeoning teen in late 90’s, I started to see that reality truly is stranger than fiction. Zack Morris’ charm only had the support and pull of teenagers everywhere because his style was scripted to work. For the rest of us, we allow God to write our story.
My “Zack Morris Worldview” changed me. As I’ve drawn closer to the Lord and come to know the power of grace, and a transformed mind, I’ve learned that there is so much more than a silver tongue: character.
If I could go back in time and walk the halls of my middle school, watching my insecure self attempt to be suave and fit in, I would look him in the eye, place my hand on my shoulder, and say, “Don’t settle for the fool’s gold, Daniel, wait for the treasure trove!”
Here’s what else I would tell him…er, me:
1.  “Promiscuity isn’t cool.” By God’s grace, I saved myself for my wife, but my friends and fellow classmates sure didn’t make it easy. We validated one another by how many people we made out with, how many girls were interested and how far we pushed the boundaries. Teenage Daniel, you don’t need “practice.” The more you save for your beautiful  wife in the future, the better. In fact, King Solomon tells young men to run from the promiscuous woman. (Proverbs 5)
2. ‘Waiting for the one’ is cool. God’s standards of “cool” are way different than the world’s. I waited for my wife. I gave my heart and body to her, by God’s grace. I would never want to shame someone who didn’t know any better, that’s not the point. God can absolutely restore what you gave away when you were blind. The point is that we can so easily plug ourselves into the wrong ideology. You can give yourself away in more ways than just physically.
3. It’s not as hard as cynical people want you to believe. Teenage Daniel had a lot of voices speaking in deafening roars about how hard it is to find love, about the sobering-yet-mythical 50/50 divorce rate. They experienced pain, but I did, too. Who do you bring your brokenness to? I’m so glad that I chose to bring mine to Jesus, so He could heal me. He brought Sarah to me and my anger had cooled; my heart softened.
4. It is hard. Zack Morris had misled me to believe that the right amount of gel, charisma, and sex appeal would get me through the hard stuff. Nope. Relationships require grit and determination. To do things the right way, God’s way, is an arduous, costly, but worthwhile process of growth and maturity.
5. ‘Happily ever after’ isn’t a passive event, it’s a lifelong process that you fight for. Fairy tales are a fun idea, but you don’t get “happily ever after” by osmosis. You get it by loving one another through flaws, challenges, and mistakes, and by celebrating the uniqueness that God has deposited into each one of you.
Relationships are funny little tools that the Lord uses to sharpen and define us, but they also bring so much beauty and depth to our lives when Jesus is the Center. Teenage Daniel, hold on tight: your bride is coming and she’s more than worth the wait!

Categories
Marriage

5 Reasons Why The Currys are Relationship Goals

Since second-time, MVP Stephen Curry’s balling skills came to the NBA forefront, he’s been all the rage. Not only has he demonstrated superb talent on the court but a love for God and family that is rarely seen on the sidelines. Not to mention,  he allows his spunky daughter to steal his shine and has a supportive wife to have his back when the haters call, is deserving of cool points. Many have called their love “relationship goals” which I concur. In recent months they’ve been at the center of silly Memes and clap back Tweets. I guess when you receive that much attention you must be doing something right. I’m really impressed by this wholesome and humble couple and I love their love. Which is why I’ve gathered together the 5 reasons why the Currys are relationship goals.
1. They Met in Church:  Church has always been known as the ideal place to find a good mate, especially as a Christian; however it  almost sounds cliché ’cause it isn’t  always likely. However, the two actually met each other through their church’s youth group and what better place to meet your spouse than the at the Lord’s house?
2. They Put God First: Which comes as no surprise given that they met each other at church. However, they are not afraid to speak publicly about their faith and how God deserves all the glory; and when God is at the center of your life and your relationship, it’s bound to succeed.
3.  Their Love of Family: They clearly demonstrate their love and support for each other- Ayesha cheering him on during his games and bringing their girls along, is a special sight to see and I’m sure helps keep him humble.
4. Their Individual Success: They both have their individual talents and success, which I believe is important in a relationship, so you don’t feel like you’re being overshadowed by your partner. Steph’s skills obviously lie on the court while Ayesha is not solely known for being his wife, but she also has her own brand centered around her passion for cooking. She will be coming out with her very own cooking show and a pop-up restaurant showcasing her skills.
5. They Stay Classy: Although Tweeting can be hard to resist when it seems people want to tear you down for no reason; they both keep it classy even when they’re the center of negative attention. They don’t attack back by resorting to distasteful words (well except for the time Ayesha claimed the NBA was rigged lol) but it’s okay, she apologized, and no one is perfect. All the while their love of God, family, and each other still remains. Now how’s that for Relationship Goals?

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

How Grief Affects Your Relationships

by Raven Evans
Unbeknownst to many folk, grief is the common factor in most relationship issues that couples face on a regular basis. However, grief has a silver lining. God created grief with good intentions; he wanted us to feel it and overcome it. The problem with this unbearable sadness is that many stay stuck on the wrong side of it, never healing from the initial effects.
 
Grief is our natural reaction to loss and as humans, loss is inevitable. It starts when we leave the birth canal and enter into a world of unfamiliarity; the environment around us is no longer the comfortable womb that we have been in for the past nine months. We must now adapt to new sounds, voices, images, feelings, and surroundings. All humans go through this process and it is not an uncommon experience; even as infants, we grieve over our losses. Grief encourages us to understand and overcome our emotions in a healthy way by helping us adjust to the constant changes in environment, which life always brings; it helps us to evolve as God intended.
Most of us are not still upset over what happened at birth, but we are still grieving over our traumatic childhood experiences, especially when it comes to how we interact with others. These past events are affecting our ability to have healthy and stable relationships in the present. The seeds of rejection, disappointment, and negative emotions, which are often planted in childhood, come to fruition during our adult life. These seeds lead to insecurity, instability, and emotional distress during our daily lives.
You are probably still grieving over each failed relationship from your early days and the pattern that has emerged in your daily interactions is a byproduct of that grief. You may be finding it difficult to have lasting romantic relationships. Your soul is still comparing your previous relationships to your current one or the one that you are actively pursuing. Therefore, you may be experiencing subconscious feelings of being dropped or rejected, feelings of panic, and fears of being heartbroken. These negative expectations cause you to react poorly, which in turn will hinder your ability to have a healthy and fruitful relationship.
You may find yourself wondering where your downfall began. Was it the childhood boyfriend or girlfriend that moved away for good? Was it a really bad break up from the “puppy love” you fell in during junior high? You need to process these feelings in your adult life no matter how minor they may seem to your current state of mind.

  • Open your journal and begin writing your feelings, reliving your past moments, and letting yourself experience the situation one more time.
  • Look for patterns in your failed relationships.
  • Think about how you felt when they left you, disappointed you, or broke up with you.

What did you do about those feelings? Did you ever work through them or did you just forget them, push them aside, and move on to the next relationship?
When you don’t deal with the emotions attached to each situation, you allow toxicities to take over your soul. 
After writing it out, ask God for help to heal the broken areas of your heart. Ask God to fix the wound that grief has left upon your soul. It is not going to be easy reliving your past experiences, but it will be highly beneficial to the health of your current or future relationships. Unhealed grief can cause further trauma in your life. Don’t miss out on a beautiful relationship that God wants to bless you with by keeping grief alive in your heart! Ask Him for help and you will recover!

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage

Relationship Goals= Compatible Callings

Happy to be together. Handsome young man piggybacking beautiful woman and smiling while standing against grey background

Are we compatible?

Western Christian culture may or may not have adapted a “caste system,” in regards to what we know and identify as our calling. Some believe that their future spouse needs to perfectly align with their calling.
We see it all the time: Pastors should marry beautiful wives who can sing, pray, or teach children, right? Oh, and a guitar-playing, worship-leading guy needs to marry a piano-savvy woman.
Someone I know feels called to a particular field of world missions and insists that their future spouse have the same exact call to the same exact group of people. Is it wrong to desire someone like-minded and like-hearted? Of course not! But we probably don’t need to be so stringent about whom we allow into our inner circle of compatibility.

Two hearts, One Vision

In 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul addresses the issue with regards to believers being “yoked” (bound, committed to) with unbelievers. But what about marriage between believers? Should people marry someone with the same vocational interests, or does this great mystery of calling go beyond the income source?
Do musicians have to marry musicians? No! But a person called to live in and minister in Ghana may encounter some friction if the person they are engaged to feels called to be a full-time library clerk in their northwestern Boston commonwealth.

Godly Vision

It is absolutely possible for a youth pastor and high school teacher to find love in one another. The crux of the issue is vision.
These five guidelines may help couples be compatible, blend their unique callings, and use them together for the Kingdom:

  1. Love for one another’s purpose. My wife has always been supportive of what I believe the Lord has created me to be. God’s call on an individual’s life far surpasses a job title. It has everything to do with who a person is called to be. I love my wife’s unique set of gifts, and she loves mine. We honor what God has chosen to deposit in one another.
  2. Ability to fit two distinct purposes into one marriage. There is a very Kingdom reason that the Lord brought you and your spouse together. My wife’s gift of music and leading others into God’s presence flows well with my gift of discipleship and mentoring. A couple does not need the same job description in order to flow in divine gifts together to benefit the Kingdom.
  3. No resentment when one succeeds. Some friends of ours are both musically gifted. The husband enthusiastically supported his wife as she pursued country music. Quietly in the background, the husband began writing songs to the Lord. Soon, the worldwide Church began to sing his songs. This loving wife celebrated her husband’s anointing without glaring disparagingly at her husband’s discovered anointing. Competition for prominence between spouses is unhealthy. Celebrate when your spouse gets promoted for his or her gifts.
  4. No “surprise callings.” Don’t wait until the honeymoon to tell your spouse, “Oh, by the way, hon, I believe the Lord wants me to travel to Mars in the first manned mission.” My wife and I joked about how wild our life together in ministry would be, and we have enjoyed the journey ever since!
  5. Able to move as one. It is also crucial to be able to flow, as one, in your life together. You don’t have to have the same career but know your gifts, where you’re going, and how to blend your unique gifts to accomplish the purpose for which the Lord has brought you together!

How do you and your spouse’s unique gifts complement one another?
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

8 Questions to Ask Singles Besides "Are You Dating Anyone?"

Categories
Finances

Unless You Plan On Paying, Think Twice Before Co-Signing

by Calvin Russel Jr.
I know many of you have been waiting on me to go over this topic. This topic is one of the most important financial decisions most consumers make. Some make this decision for their children, spouse, significant other, or simply a friend. I will go over the best scenarios of when you should and shouldn’t co-sign.
What Does It Mean To Co-Sign?
I must go over this first as a lot people have very bad information on what it truly means to co-sign for someone. A Co-Signer or Joint Applicant is someone that is responsible for their share of the liability. For example, if you co-sign for your sister so she can be approved for a vehicle, apartment, credit card, furniture,  or anything that expects monthly payments or rent, then you are 50% liable  for that item. Meaning if the item is for your sister and she makes the payments on time every month, you will also benefit from that payment history and more than likely, your credit score will increase as well. The drawback is that you will be affected negatively if those payments are late, missed, or if the car is repossessed. That repossession will be the same as you repossessing the car which will surely decrease your credit score. Co-Signing for an apartment is slightly different as those late payments will not show on your credit report unless the landlord or agency has a monthly credit reporting plan in which case it can affect your credit score.
 
When Co-Signing Is A Good Idea
This is probably most asked question from my clients and probably one of the toughest to answer. I say that because there is no crystal ball to tell us when or if a person will ever be late or miss a payment. The only time it would make sense to co-sign is, if and only if, you can have some control in the finances and making the payments on time. For example, you co-sign for your child but you have their checking account automatically transferring the money to your account every pay period to ensure an on-time payment. Another example would be if you take care of all of the finances for that person, it wouldn’t be a problem because you have access to their money coming in and going out. Being married and co-signing for each other is not a problem in the beginning because there is a level of commitment, but keep in mind what may happen in the future

When Co-Signing Is A Bad Idea
Anytime you have to hope, wish, or pray a person makes the payment on time, co-signing for this person may be a bad idea. I have seen every scenario from parent and child, husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, friend and friend, family member and family member, and even random people co-signing for people they don’t know that well. Remember, co-signing is more than just being responsible for making the payments; both parties also own 50% of the vehicle. Meaning, if one person wants to trade it in or take it from you, you will have a problem because they own half. Of course you can’t chop a car in half, but banks overrule courts because someone has to make the payments each month regardless of who drives it. The biggest problem you can have is when the paying party is late on payments or worse, the item goes into default. Not only will your credit be equally damaged, but you are also eligible to be sued in a civil suit. To avoid all of this, remember, it’s ok to say NO!
Bottom Line
As you can see, there is no perfect scenario for co-signing as there is always a risk. Many things can negatively happen and with so many crazy things taking place in people’s lives, it’s probably best that you say NO to co-signing. There are MANY banks that will finance items without the person needing a co-signer. A nice down payment will always help the situation or a higher credit score. Whatever you decide, don’t say you didn’t know from this point forward.
 
Calvin Russell Jr. is a Certified FICO Professional, approved partner with Bankrate, and the CEO & Founder of GoSimplyPro Credit Consultation. GoSimplyPro Credit Consultation is a Chicago-based credit repair company. GoSimplyPro Credit Consultation has helped hundreds of people increase their credit scores, qualify for homes, cars, and lower interest rates with their Step-By- Step Game Plans. Contact us today at 877.205.7771 to learn more or email us at info@gosimplypro.com.

Categories
Home

4 Scriptures to Read While Waiting On God

co-authored by Culus Williams
 
God has released promises into each of our lives. The funny thing is that God releases the promise but he never tells us the process that we will go through to receive the promise. Usually, we start out excited about the promises of God but as we begin to go through the process, we grow weary.
We start to give up and even want to throw in the towel. We become angry with those around us because we feel that they just don’t understand our challenge. We isolate ourselves from fellowship with others because we don’t want them to see the pain in our eyes. Some of us even become angry with God and wonder why he is allowing this happen.
Here are a few scriptures to help you get through your waiting season:
Feel Like Giving Up
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Angry with Loved Ones
James 1:20 “because human anger does not produce righteousness that God desires.
Isolation From Fellowship
Proverbs 18:1 “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”
Angry with God
1 John 5:14 “This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to his
will, he hears us.”
 
Adversity tends to come when we least expect it. It’s not easy being challenged by God. It’s not easy not knowing how long you will go through the process.
We encourage you to keep trusting God no matter what it looks like in your life. We often look at things through the natural eye but when you’re being tested it’s best that you look at things through the spiritual eye. Walking by faith and not be sight means that you’re putting your faith in Jesus so you are looking to Jesus no matter what it looks like in the natural. (2 Corinthians 5:7)
Stop trusting man to fix it and trust God that it’s already done. If he released a promise into your life, he is going to fulfill the promise. Don’t give up and don’t give out. When God releases the promise it will be so worth the wait. You will know that only God did it for you. God will get all the glory, honor and praise that he deserves.