Month: September 2014

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Dating/Courting Home

Why Every Single Person Better Know the Power Between Being Compatible Versus Being Suitable

The first account of marriage in the bible is found with Adam and Eve in Genesis 2:18. The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper SUITABLE for him.” (Emphasis mine)
God determined it was not good for man to be alone, so He created a woman who was just right for him. Now, in today’s culture we have become much more accustomed to compatibility versus suitability.
Let’s compare the two.
Compatible: able to exist or occur together without conflict.
Suitable: right or appropriate for a particular person, purpose, or situation.
Do you see why our generation has settled for a compatible person versus a suitable person? It is with a compatible person you focus more on external similarities such as: hobbies, friends, and interests.
Just because you both can laugh together over a movie and play basketball against one another does not make them a suitable spouse for you.
Suitability is the biblical term used in Genesis to describe the type of mate God created for Adam. A person who is suitable for you goes beyond similar interests, but more into the purpose of God for that person’s life. I agreed to not be in any relationship until after I graduated high school, which I successfully completed.
I did not enter into my first committed relationship until my second year of college. She was a great girl who loved God, and had a true desire for ministry. Everything made sense in my mind because we were very compatible and all of my friends were in complete support of it. It started out as a friendship, and eventually developed into more.
I would spend hours with God begging Him to tell me if she was the one.
I began to ride on the roller coaster of emotions rather than being patient to get a peace from God. One day while being on an emotional high, it resulted in me asking her into a committed relationship. From the first day I knew I had made a mistake.
Because I did not want to look bad in front of my friends, and also hurt her, I continued in the relationship believing I would eventually fall for her. That relationship lasted six months which it was a constant up and down roller-coaster for me going back and forth whether she was my wife or not.
One day I had a talk with a friend of mine that had been in a similar situation in a previous relationship. He said to me, “Jamal, God is too good to give you something you don’t desire.” I took that phrase to God, and asked Him, if it was true. For the first time in those six months I was honest with myself about how I really felt. I ended the relationship and fortunately we stayed pure during our time together.
There had been no physical tie, but an emotional tie did develop because of the seriousness of the relationship. She was a great friend and we were very much compatible, but we were not suitable. When a person suits your life there will be a peace because it means God has blessed the now, and the later.
The freedom that came over me after I ended the relationship was unexplainable in words. I knew I had put my life back into God hands, and I did not want to make the mistake of depending on myself ever again.
This is why it is imperative for you, as a believer, to pursue someone who is not only a believer, but also as spiritually mature as you. To determine suitability you must have the involvement of God in the relationship. A person who is suitable for you will be beneficial and necessary for God’s plan for your life.
 
This is an excerpt from my book, 25 Ways to Prepare for Marriage Other than Dating which is an Amazon Best Seller selling thousands of copies in a matter of weeks. This book will BLESS your entire life and then some! You can click here to purchase!

25ways3d

Categories
Dating/Courting Finances Home Parenting

6 Tips for Single Mothers to Maximize a Small Income

As a single mother, money can be a challenge when you have another life or lives to account for and you take on the bulk of the responsibility financially. Recently, I’ve been being challenged by God to not panic but to take a step back and really look at what I have to see how I can get the most out of it.  My job doesn’t pay the best but I’ve found that it is doable and it is teaching me a few things about my perspective(s) on money. Here’s what I’ve been learning so far:

1. More doesn’t necessarily mean better off. Yes, increase is great but more money can possibly create more problems if you have not mastered financial discipline. It is best to assess and be honest with where you are and what you can handle financially. Sometimes it’s not about having more to work with; the beauty in learning to maximize the small can be of great value to your future.

2. Work with what you DO have. With wisdom you can really make any amount of money fit your needs, trust me I am a witness. I’ve found that the key is prioritizing what is most important, eliminating or doing without things you want but don’t necessarily need right now, and using wisdom with how you spend what is left over.

3. Steward well over what you have. In Matthew 25:21, we see that Jesus gives the parable of the talents: The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together! Please know that God sees our irresponsibility and undisciplined practices with money, He cannot trust us with more if we do not steward or manage the little that we have properly.  I’d like to believe that God delights in increasing us but not if we will use it to cause more damage to ourselves financially.

4. Tap into resources that can help generate income.  And I don’t mean a get rich quick scheme. What is in your hands to create that can be a stream of extra income and potential wealth? Do you have a niche, a talent or hobby that can produce income? Or, can you learn to create something that can stream income into your home? Think of the Proverbs 31 woman who built her home, went out into the marketplace and generated income for her household (YouTube and the internet are full of DIY projects and crafts to learn). Find your niche and work it!

5. Spend your money with your FUTURE in mind. That will eliminate poor financial choices when you think of it this way. Everything we do or don’t do today inadvertently effects our future, especially when dependents are involved. Don’t cause for those depending on you financially to suffer at the expense of your poor spending habits. Again, assess and be honest with where you are. Do not try to live above your means to keep up with the Jones’, know your limits and stick to them.

6. Don’t despise small beginnings. It won’t be this way always. Instead of seeing this season as a struggle, see it as a small beginning. As you grow in wisdom financially, your finances will in turn grow. It is all about diligence, hard work, prioritizing and discipline.
Contirbuting Guest Writer Bio:
Shevante Walker is a woman of God, mother, daughter, sister and friend aspiring  to touch many lives with her testimony. Currently seeking her Bachelors  of science in Psychology, she has hopes of one day becoming a counselor  to aid in the healing of people’s minds, lives and spiritual well-being. It is her desire to allow the healed parts of her to heal the  brokenness in others. She is a liberator who longs to see people break  loose from the condemnation of their past and living in the freedom of  their future! 

Categories
Marriage Parenting

Discomfort & Big Bird: A First Time Preggo's Confession

I awoke for the second time with a terrible migraine. In the shape of a starfish (not on my side), disoriented, unknowingly hogging the double bed and ungraciously crowding my sweet husband who was teetering on the edge.
The teal colored night-lamp dispersed just enough light to see the ceiling.  The room was small, I could see all four walls out of the corner of my peripheral.  It seemed too bright for it to be 3AM. Was it really the middle of the night? Alas, this was family vacation.
I’ve grown to both love and loathe bedtime. I laid there, hot and sweating in the room set at a cool 70 degrees. Uncomfortable, trying to recite scriptures to memory; “God is my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble…” and was interrupted by nausea.
I quickly determined that no matter how beautiful, modern, or exquisite a vacation condo is–there’s no way to dress up a toilet. I sat on the bathroom’s beautiful marble floor and sobbed.
“I’m 19 weeks along. Why am I still sick with “morning” sickness?  I’m exhausted. Why are my prescriptions not working? Why does the smell of spearmint toothpaste make me want to puke more? God, can’t you just take away the nausea? I forgot to bring ginger ale. Why didn’t anyone tell me it was this hard? Shut up, you’ll wake Johnny, and they just drove over ten hours to get here. What on earth did I eat for dinner? What am I doing wrong? Why am I complaining– I ampregnant! You’ve prayed for this! You have a miracle inside of you. So many of your friends have suffered multiple miscarriages, failed adoptions, and been told they’ll never have children. You’re not dying. Rachel, stop being so selfish. Pull yourself together. Don’t be such a pansy. You’re such an ungrateful brat.”
These thoughts circled my mind like a lion closing in on it’s prey. Frustrated and angry. Then guilty and ashamed for being frustrated and angry. I could feel desperation’s sudden, not-so-subtle onset. Cue more tears; this is where I panic.
Then out of no where, I thought of a big bird. What on earth! (I should mention that I have a strong dislike for birds in general.) The thought continued to unfold; “He will cover you with his feathers.” I knew I had read it somewhere, but I hadn’t a clue where it was found. I crawled back into the room and grabbed my phone off the floor. I went on a google search frenzy: “scriptures; bible verses; ‘feathers…’”
Psalm 91. Bingo, well played google:

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust’…
He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge;
His faithfulness will be your shield and protection.
You will not fear the terror of night,nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

You see, this first-time-mommy is quick to think of God as Marahute, the golden eagle in Disney’s The Rescuers Down Under. So often I wonder why He hasn’t swooped me up out of my troubled circumstances and “fixed” everything that’s seemingly going wrong. Where is He in my “time of trouble”? Isn’t He omnipresent, omnipotent, and capable of anything?
Paradigm shift. I’d been sitting there for well over an hour praying for God to take the pain away, while all along, He was sitting there with me. Stillness swept over my heart as His gentle, loving peace soothed my weary soul. He was with me.
I’m starting to see that God doesn’t always change our circumstances, troubles or trials. But like a big momma hen (don’t laugh), He gently covers us with His wings and warms us with His feathers. He faithfully sits in the crud and through storms of life with us. He comforts our hearts, speaks peace to our minds, sustains our spirit, and won’t leave us for a moment.  He is ever faithful; this is our Savior.
I’d be lying if I said I’ve only had a few nights like this. To be honest, pregnancy has been a journey of ever increasing faith. I’ve been challenged, pushed beyond what I thought were my limits, and been sicker than ever in my life. But along with my tummy, my trust and confidence in Christ has grown– and for that alone I am thankful. Our pastor, Todd Wagner’s version of Paul’s writings has been my motto over the last few months: “If dependence on Christ is the goal, then weakness is an advantage.” My prayer is that in times of need, my heart would turn to Him.
So whether you’re a first timer struggling through pregnancy, have six children, praying for children, or going through a stormy season– snuggle up to His side and let Him pull you through. He’s promised to work all things together for your good and His glory. Daddy Big Bird promised.

Categories
Engaged Finances Home Marriage

How to get a Designer Bedroom for Less

This clean, mid century modern bedroom was designed by the amazing, world renown, Interior Designer, Kelly Wearstler.
This room probably costs in the range of  $10,000 – $20,000 to create. I have pulled some resources together to give this look for a price that is substantially less than $10,000. Interior Design does not have to stretch your wallet and affordable design does not have to look cheap.
I have attached the links to each item that I believe gives a similar look to what Kelly used in this bedroom.

Items you will need to recreate this look:

1. Area Rug
2. Gourd Lamps
3. Side Tables
4. Bedding
5. Mirror
6. Self Adhesive Accent Wallpaper
8. Ikat Pillow

9. Headboard

10. Bench

Do you have a room that you would like me to recreate for less? Send me an email at skiptomyrue@gmail.com. Your submission could be featured as another blog post.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home

The Three Things I Learned While Courting

The moment I saw her, the heavens opened to illuminate her, angels sang and I heard God say, “She is your wife”. Within a week I had informed her and the entire campus that she was my wife, but it took five years for this to transpire. While God showed me the result of His plan, I wasn’t ready. God needed to prepare me for my wife. There were three things I had to do to be prepared as Melissa’s husband.
1. Learn to Put God First

The moment God showed me that Melissa was my wife, I was full steam ahead. My focus was doing everything in my power to make God’s promise happened. In doing so I ignored a very important scripture, “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and it’s righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. In order for me to see God’s plan come to pass I was supposed to seek God and not the object of my affection.
After three and a half years of chasing Melissa, I stopped. I began to focus solely on my relationship with God. Instead of chasing Melissa, I began to chase God. A funny thing began to happened, Melissa started to slowly creep towards me.
2. Know What God Wants for Me
I actually did this before I knew Melissa was my wife, but it couldn’t come before “put God first” on my list. God showed me that you only receive what you require. Therefore I wrote requirements for my spouse. I did not write the list on my own. I consulted God as to what should be on my list.
I knew I wanted a wife who is in love with Jesus, gorgeous, college educated and a fantastic mother. God agreed with those requirements, but of course helped me fill in other details. I hadn’t thought about asking for a wife who would be able to run the affairs of the home should I be gone for a month. God helped me see details, that I would have otherwise overlooked.
3. Become What I Required
Since it was so important that my wife be in love with Jesus, gorgeous, educated and a fantastic mother, God made sure that I was her equal. Everyone wants God to send them a spouse who is just right for them. Are you you? Are you the you, you think you should be, or the you God thinks you should be? God is going to send you one of His prized possessions. Be the best you that He intends. I had to become the me He saw me as.
So I began to chase Him. As I began to chase Him, He began to develop me into the husband that was fit for the wife He had for me. I grew closer to Him and grew in my ministry. As I did so! Melissa began to take notice. One thing my wife will tell you is that the reason why she hesitated to like me at first was because I had no idea how to dress. She said she began to notice me, when I began to learn how. God did that, not me.
Your courting experience may not be identical to mine, but I bet the three elements previously mentioned will be involved. So be sure to put God first, know what God wants for you and become what you require.
Question: I mention putting God first, why do you think that this is so important?

Continue reading “The Three Things I Learned While Courting”
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Home

4 Things to Do to Prepare for Your Future Marriage

A few weeks ago I planned to start eating healthier, however the night before I was to start day one of my journey to healthy eating I was too lazy to go to the store to get the items I needed for the next day. When I woke up I was starving, but I had no fruit or anything healthy to eat.
I ended up eating foods that were unhealthy because I was NOT prepared! Although marriage has more aspects and levels than making the decision to eat healthier, the concept of preparation is quite similar. If you desire to be married some day, it is imperative that you prepare before a door is opened for a new relationship that has the potential for marriage.
The night before I was scheduled to begin day one of a healthier me, I had every intention in the world to commit wholeheartedly to start eating better. Although I made up in mind to start the next day, I did not invest the time to get up, go to the store and do the necessary grocery shopping in order to be prepared for what I “intended” to do. Entering into a covenant marriage is the same. Having a desire for marriage alone is not enough to succeed at it.
Having intentions to be the best husband/wife you can possibly be is not a guarantee that you will, especially if you skip the preparation stage. It is important for unmarried men and women who desire marriage to invest into preparing for marriage now.
If there is no preparation, you will most likely enter into your marriage blindly and experience avoidable issues and problems that could have been addressed prior to meeting your mate.
If you don’t invest in the preparation stage, in addition to normal marital obstacles, you will add more unnecessary stress and weight to your future marriage which will eventually complicate things in the end and attribute to an unhappy or failed marriage.
So what are some things that you can do to prepare for your future marriage?
1). Learn how to embrace and enjoy your season of being unmarried.
Instead of complaining to God every other day about why everyone around you is married, focus on the blessings that come along with not having the responsibility of marriage in this season of your life. Use your time to do the things that can help build your future such as going back to school, getting rid of any debt you may have and build meaningful friendships.
2). Self-Evaluation!
Evaluate where you really are in your life. Are you healthy and stable enough (mentally and financially) to invite someone in your life right now? How do you handle stress? How is your attitude towards others? Are you controlling? Do you have the ability to be faithful?  Do you have lasting and healthy friendships? Have you reconciled with family or friends who offended you in the past? Are you prideful? Are you selfish? How is your character? Many of these questions will help you to determine if you are ready to be joined to another person in covenant marriage.
3). Get Healed, Delivered and Restored!
Allow God to heal you from the wounds and soul ties from past relationships. Whether it is intimate relationships, relationships with your parents, siblings or past friendships that failed. Healing, deliverance and restoration is necessary in order to move forward and to produce new fruitful relationships.
The worst thing you can do is make your future spouse pay for what your ex, sister, brother, friend, mother, father, etc… did to you in the past! Surrender your past baggage to God so that when the right time and person comes along, you will be free to move forward in covenant with your future mate without any major hindrances.
4). Learn to trust God
(Proverbs 3:5). Often times unmarried men and women who desire marriage lose their hope, faith and trust in God concerning whether or not he will send them a husband/wife and they begin to doubt their future. If God promised you marriage and a family, he will do just that…in His timing! Build your trust and faith by studying his word and investing time communicating with God daily in order to stay tuned in with what he is doing in your life. Remember God’s promises over you are yes and amen!
We live in a society where preparation is despised or viewed as being unnecessary, however if you intend to be the best husband/wife to your future mate the best gift you can give them is being prepared to love, cherish, honor, respect and to value them without the weight and stress of your past issues vying for your attention.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home

Pawn Shops and Louboutins (For All My Single Ladies)

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Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage

Are you a Cancer or a Crown to your Husband? Part II

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

The Difference between Liking and Loving Your Spouse

Categories
Engaged Marriage

25 Ways to Show Your Lady You Adore Her

Women long to know they are adored! Women will give anything to know they are loved and valued by their husband and children.  Also, that their presence and their femininity is valued.
Here are 25 ways you can show her that.

  1. Cover her in prayer while she is there.
  2. Shower her with the word, read it to her, write it down and put it in her purse or lunch bag.
  3. Listen to her when she talks, do not try to create a solution but listen to learn her heart.
  4. Help with house chores.
  5. Write her hand written love letters.
  6. Plan a spa day for her, and you be the masseuse.
  7. Buy her an outfit from head to toe.
  8. Show her off in public.
  9. Give her public praise.
  10. Stand up for her.
  11. Fight for her.
  12. Learn her dreams and help her fulfill them.
  13. Encourage her to walk out the call of God on her life.
  14. Remember important dates (hint put them in your phone 🙂
  15. Love your children well.
  16. Lead her.
  17. Make decisions with strength and certainty.
  18. Romance her.
  19. Always pursue her like you are still trying to win her love.
  20. Treat her with gentleness.
  21. Cover her weaknesses.
  22. Set her a bubble bath.
  23. Wash her hair.
  24. Give her a foot massage.
  25. Acknowledge the work she does for the family and your home.

There are so many other things that can be done, ask the Holy to teach you how to adore your woman, he will show you.