Month: February 2018

Categories
Single Spiritual Intimacy

Defeated: My Family’s Demons Are Stronger than Me

Written by:  Briana Whiteside
 
I didn’t stand a chance.
 
It is quite intriguing that the words family and familiar are spelled almost exactly alike. The Latin spelling of the word family, familia, means to be a servant of a household, while familiar means to be close and intimate; however, further research into familiar leads back to family. I think it is telling that these words are almost synonymous with one another, especially since our familial ties can hold us hostage.
 
Sometimes, the familiar is dangerous and counterproductive to our progress as we attempt to follow Christ. I would also go as far as to suggest that familial ties have the power to stagnate our lives in ways that other relationships cannot. Therefore, we have to recognize that in order to be successful in our pursuit of God, we have to figure out which characteristics He entrusted to us, and which are the hindrances from ancestral lineages.
 
Lineages are very important to us because they provide clues to the outcome of our lives. Think about it. At a doctor’s appointment, they ask that patients to fill out a questionnaire about the history of their family. At the minimum, the doctor seeks information about three generations of individuals within one family.  This is not simply happenstance but highlights an understanding of the importance of familial ties. Ultimately, doctors understand that families have a lot in common including genes, environment, and livelihoods. Taken together, these may provide clues to generational ailments that could surface in a family. By investigating these patterns, healthcare professionals can determine if an individual, other family members, or even future members are susceptible to developing certain conditions.
 
If this is true in the natural it is definitely true spiritually. Think about people in your family who have distinctive commonalities. Perhaps all the men in your family die prematurely or end up in jail. Maybe all the women in your family get pregnant out of wedlock or are bitter. All of these commonalities could be clues about what has attached itself to your family lineage and what might be after you.
 
This is a hard reality. I must admit that this will not be an easy thing to combat because the normalcy of our family seduces us into the comfort of its hold. But, we have to do something distinctive if we hope to live differently. Sometimes what we don’t realize is that God, the devil, and our families are always competing for our understanding of identity and thus our destiny. These three opposing perspectives will each show you the benefits of following their path, but each will not be in your best interest.
 
Sometimes it is hard to decipher if our familial characteristics are causing us to live beneath who we were created to be. More often than not, these are also the very traits that are used to identify us as family. The battle then becomes one of deciding whether to cater to our identity in God or our parents. If I can be honest, there was a time that I had difficulty deciding between the two, which is why I chose the familial lifestyle that was most familiar. Unfortunately, this “small” choice took me down a destructive path that cost me a lot of time in the wilderness. So, I caution you to choose God! I’m telling you this because I know what it’s like to fight demons attached to my last name.
 
I descend from a line of strong black women who are single mothers. They are phenomenal women, but when I say strong, I mean strong! Again, this is a common trait, but just because it is normal in my family doesn’t mean it is right. Anything outside of the will of God or His initial plan for a thing is perverted. The operation of strength in spite of God leads to idolatry and He is clear on his position on the matter. Therefore, I want to challenge you to spend time locating the lineage commonality in your family and test that characteristic against the Bible to see if it aligns. Ask God to reveal any hindrances to your life that are a result of your familial lineage. You should record anything he shows you or anything that comes to mind. Remember, whatever is not in alignment with the Word of God is wrong no matter how normal it may seem to us.
 
While it is true that your ancestry has the ability to dictate to you the ways in which you live, when you overcome the generational curses assigned to your last name, there is a level of freedom that you will operate in. Ultimately, there is hope! Just as certain traits follow families for several generations, the Lord gives a promise in Psalm 105:8 that He remembers His covenant and promises for a thousand generations. Today, we measure a generation by twenty-five years or so, and if this understanding is applied to the scripture, it means that God’s word will be fulfilled from 25,000 years prior. I wonder how far back we would have to travel to see the original promise in our families. Would we even know to whom the promise was made? Think about the children of Israel, God made several promises to them and we are privy to the ramifications of some of them as revealed in the scriptures: wealth, virtue, influence, and force, to name a few.
 
What promises has God made to you? What promises will you see, if you obey his word and break free of the generational cycles? Think of your siblings, friends, your children, and grandchildren. They are all depending on your act of obedience and willingness to break free.
 
This is why you need to sign up for The Break The Cycle Challenge. You don’t want to be the only one in 2018 who is still haunted by the reality of their past.
 
Married & Young’s FREE 4-day “Break The Cycle” challenge starting on Monday, February 5. We are breaking the patterns off our lives NOW so we don’t repeat them later. Click HERE to sign up!
 

Categories
Physical Intimacy Single Spiritual Intimacy

The Day I Reached My Breaking Point

Written By: Jessica Dent
 
At some point or another, we all reach a breaking point where we’re forced to come to the end of ourselves. When we do come to our own end, there should be something there waiting for us, offering us another option, another way out from our former lives. If at the end of yourself, you find nothing there to usher you into something new, uncomfortable, and challenging then you will likely go back to what kept you comfortable. You would be going back into your cycle. When will it end? When will you finally want more for yourself and not keep yourself comfortable on the cushion of mediocrity? When will you realize that what shaped you in your beginning does not have to be your ending (Ecclesiastes 7:8)? The cycle that your parents groomed you in doesn’t have to be the same for you, your children, or your future spouse (2 Corinthians 5:17).
 
Since I was 15 years old, fending for myself was my way of life. If no one did it for me, then I had to do it for myself. If I needed money, I worked for it–legally of course. If my brother and I needed food, I bought it.  If the lights needed to stay on, then I took care of the bill. I was a working teenager in high school trying to maintain a household for my brother, my drug-addicted mother, and myself. I grew up with the hustle mindset which would later lead me to the worship of self and ultimately develop the spirit of pride. Sure, I believed that God existed, but seeing Him as my Father, let alone my provider? I didn’t quite know Him back then but instead, I knew of Him. I was extremely prideful and I was nothing short of an orphan, literally and spiritually, and filled to the brim with insecurities. But when you’re surviving, you’re too busy to notice that you’re bleeding along the way.
 
I was a foster child and was later adopted. My birth mother was also an addict and I never knew my father. Yes, just in case you’re asking me, both my birth and adopted mothers struggled with drug addiction abuse. Along the way though, I thought I did pretty good “keeping it all together”, and then relationships happened and my mess showed. I dove into those relationships head first and with no sobriety and you can pretty much go down the checklist to see why. I was looking for love in all the wrong places and I really mean in all the wrong people– not just romantic but in friendships and parental relationships. Nothing seemed to fit the way I desired it to, which explains why when I gave my life 100% over to Christ, the relationships that I tried to force were stripped away.
 
My lack of identity helped to cultivate my pattern of toxic relationships. During that time, I was in pursuit of the greatest love that I would ever know, but learned that nothing would compare to it once I experienced it. God was the first love that I didn’t have to fall for. All that time I was in pursuit of God but didn’t know it. Therefore, my thirst led me to the wrong things, the wrong relationships, and I kept them all past their expiration dates. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties when I realized that I was coming to the end of myself. That was when I realized that I was bleeding and in need of medical attention. The cycles that I found myself in were later introduced to The Breaker–Jesus. My future couldn’t look like what my past was. Enough was enough and I had to be broken. However, not by the hands of another, but gracefully this time by the hands of God.  If any of this speaks to you then I urge you to BREAK THE CYCLE, starting NOW! I wholeheartedly believe in what the 4-day Break the Cycle Challenge is all about and if you want to get free from the past for a healthy future and marriage, then you honestly don’t want to miss out. Your future does not have to look like your past (Philippians 3:13). Are you ready to come to the end of yourself now? Sign up HERE !

Categories
Single Spiritual Intimacy

Who Am I?: 3 Truths to Get Your Identity Rooted

Written by: Kayla Thomas
 
Have you ever looked at yourself and thought, “Who is this imposter?” “I don’t even recognize myself!” “Who am I?” “What is the meaning of my life?” “Who am I supposed to be?” These are all tough statements and questions, but they are rooted in one cause: identity crisis. When you can honestly look at yourself and not recognize who you are, or question aspects of yourself, that is a clear indicator of an internal conflict of identity. How do I know? Well, I’ve been there–many times.
 
I remember the first time I struggled with my “place” in the world, I was 14 years old and just starting high school. My mom bought me a few velour sweatsuits (the fashion at that time, thanks to Jennifer Lopez) and I wore one to school. Let me tell you, it seemed like every guy in my school had a sexual comment about me and the way I looked in that suit. It happened so often that, although it made me uncomfortable, I began to think it must be normal. This was “confirmed” by how some of my new friends would interact with guys in the school. As a way of fitting in, I would do what “my girls” were doing. If they were hugging guys in the corner, so was I. If they were poking out certain body parts to attract attention, so was I. If they were skipping class to hang out with the football team in the cafeteria, so was I. You know what the crazy thing about this was? I actually hated doing all of those things. So why did I? Because my identity was rooted in what my friends were doing rather than in what I enjoyed doing. Do you see how this could be dangerous?
 
Allow me to give you another example. Several of my friends in university were attracted to the same sex. They would often invite me to LGBT events and clubs and, while I was attracted to the opposite sex, I would go. I have to admit, I enjoyed the music and the “vibes” at these events. Eventually, I started questioning if I was attracted to the same sex as well. This started me down a dangerous path of “dabbling” with same-sex relationships. Throughout this experimentation phase, I knew something didn’t feel right. I proceeded anyway because I “knew” that if I was enjoying myself so much in the LGBT community, then my sexual orientation must align with that community as well. So what changed? I hit my version of rock bottom and a friend invited me to her church thinking it would give me some peace. Eventually, as I began learning who God said I was, I had a personal conviction that what I was doing was wrong.
 
So what does God say about me? I spent many years stuck in a cycle of “discovering” and “reshaping” who I was, or who I thought I should be. It wasn’t until I discovered these 3 biblical truths and meditated on them, that I realized who I was in Christ all along:
 

  1. I’m chosen and blameless! Ephesians 1:4 says that “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.” Have you ever done something to try and catch the attention of someone and it doesn’t work? Doesn’t that leave you wondering “why not me?” or “what’s wrong with me?” Well, God chose us before we could do anything to stand out to him and guess what? Before Him we stand faultless. All the mistakes we’ve made in our past, once we repent and turn back to God, are wiped clean!

 

  1. I’m an heir! Galatians 4:7 says that we are no longer slaves, but children of God —this makes us heirs! It takes an attitude adjustment to go from a slave mentality to an heir mentality. Slaves work so hard for little to nothing in return, but heirs don’t need to work for the inheritance they are to receive. Everything I do as a Christian is not to earn a “better” place in heaven; it’s to share with everyone the joy and gratitude I feel being a part of large spiritual family with a Father who loves me for who I am!

 

  1. I’m accepted! This truth shakes me to the core. Everything I did in the past, all the poor mistakes, was to be accepted by my peers —who never really accepted me, anyway! To know that I’m fully accepted by God (Romans 15:7), and I don’t have to do anything to earn it, leaves me in constant awe.

 
Not knowing who you are is a tough struggle to deal with. Friends, there is no reason why you need to continue walking out in life in a state of internal confusion. That is why the “Break the Cycle” challenge is so necessary. Thousands have already said “yes” to dedicating 4 days to break the cycles of toxic relationships, identity crisis, financial strife, and generational curses. What is stopping you from saying yes? You have everything to gain and nothing lose! Click here to take your first step to freedom. 

Categories
Physical Intimacy Single Spiritual Intimacy

You Need More Jesus, Not More Sex.

Written by: Richelle Henry
I remember staring at the shadow of his figure moving from the bed and out of the bedroom door.  All I could do was lay there and wonder, “how did I get I here?”  How in the world did my good ol’ Christian self, end up in this man’s bed?  I should have gone home! I should have told him no! I should have left when he told me to! But…I stayed. I stayed out of brokenness. I stayed out of loneliness. I stayed out of desperation. I just wanted to be held. I wanted to feel important. I wanted to feel wanted.
I can remember this day and many others like it, like they all occurred yesterday. The feelings of pseudo-comfort, shame, disgust, disappointment, and guilt are what I recall the most. It seems that the soul screams the loudest in those, “You KNEW better” scenarios. I mean, I’ve heard of boundaries. I’ve been saved all of my life. I remember the strict “courtship” rules of no phone calls after 9pm and even going on group dates. But, that advice didn’t work for me. I still made the decision to act upon a desire that left me feeling unredeemable and ultimately separated from God.
You’re probably asking yourself as I did in the moments stated above–Where do I go from here? Do I mourn and grieve over the fact that I knew better and still chose to disobey? I knew the scripture that said I should flee from sexual immorality (See 1 Corinthians 6:18)—but my wounded heart had me making strides towards it instead. Do I run back and keep engaging in the act because, “hey, I already fell? I already have to repent.” Or do I get out of this bed, go before the Lord and be as totally transparent as possible in total confidence that He will hear me and answer?
I suggest that you choose the latter of all these options.
I know that you’re probably feeling really disappointed in yourself. The last time was supposed to be the last time—right? I hear you and can feel the shame that you’re probably carrying. But let me encourage you with this—the Father loves you and longs to restore you. When you think of the word restoration, what comes to mind? Repairing? Making whole? Well, the word “restore” means to bring something back to its original condition due to its current condition being either disfigured, used, or altered. Don’t you know that the Lord can bring you back to the version He intended on you becoming—before you fell. But you must be open and completely transparent with Him throughout the process. You’re probably asking, “what is there to be honest about? He’s God. He should know!” Yes, you’re correct. However—the transparency isn’t for God—it’s for you. It’s for you to become aware of the roots, reasons, and decisions along the way that may have caused you to fall. Transparency heightens your awareness so that you can better assess your heart and the manner in which it responds to crisis, traumas, setbacks, and even temptations.
Let’s start here. Why did you fall? What caused you to make the decision to engage in another one-night stand, “friend with benefits,” or engage in another “we’ll repent about this later..” moment?  Your reasons are bigger than just wanting to feel good. While that may be some of the reason, remember that even pleasure has a motive. I repeat—pleasure ALWAYS has a motive.  Find out what may have triggered you. What were you thinking of when you made the decision? Was it a bad day? A moment where thoughts of low self-esteem were clouding your mind? Were you wanting to feel valued or appreciated? Struggling with issues of rejection? Feeling unwanted? Loneliness? Regardless of what your reason was, remember that in these moments, it was your soul crying out for Christ, not just your body longing to be touched.
You see, when we talk about sexual sin—it’s so much bigger than a moment—it’s a decision. It’s a decision that places sexual pleasure and the like on a pedestal of “better,” over Christ’s ability to truly fulfill. Christ and Christ alone satisfies (See Psalm 62:1). He’s the only one that can come and drown loneliness, rejection, abandonment, insecurity, low self-esteem, hurt, or sadness with the currents of His love. When we make the decision to tread in the waters of sexual sin—we run the risk of drowning in that which we are meant to rise above—the snares and traps of sin. But with Christ and in Christ, you are well-equipped to deal with sexual sin—because He’s already overcome it (See 1 Corinthians 15:56-57)
Choose today to hit ignore, cancel that standing appointment on Friday night, and make a new decision. Make the decision to be completely open before the Lord and ask Him to fill you. Go to Him in confidence that He will cleanse you (See Psalm 51:2), empower you to resist temptation (See 1 Corinthians 10:13), and will ultimately fill and satisfy the voids within you (See Psalm 107:9).
“Come back to me, you wayward people. I want to cure your waywardness. Say, ‘Here we are. We come to you because you are the LORD our God.”- Jeremiah 3:22
His embrace and love alone can fill those longings—not another. Run to Him, instead.
 
LISTEN! Don’t forget to Join me and thousands of others on Married & Young’s FREE 4-day “Break The Cycle” challenge starting on Monday, February 5. We are breaking the patterns OFF our lives NOW, so we don’t repeat them later. Click HERE to sign up!