Month: August 2017

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3 Ways to Know if You're Ready for a Relationship

thoughtful woman sitting alone outdoors

Do you think you are ready to enter a committed relationship ? Read below, to see if you truly are !

 

 1. Do you Love the Lord with all Your Heart ?

Is the Lord your everything ? A good indicator that God is your everything is seeing where you spend your time. How much time do you devote yourself to the Word and prayer ? Are you filling your mind with that which will put your affections on things above ? Is making Jesus’ name known a top priority? Are you serving in your local body ? Remember, loving the Lord is the biggest commandment God has given us.

To be in a relationship and ultimately marriage that is successful, one must be rooted in the foundation of God. When God brings two people together, it’s for the furtherance of God’s kingdom. Your season of singleness must be focused on learning your role as a child of God.

When you enter a relationship you are not looking for someone to complete you. That’s God’s job. This foundation will help you when your relationship will go through tough times (which it will). When your partner doesn’t give you the attention you need you can rest knowing that God has your back !

 2. Are you the Petty Master ?

If you are entering a relationship you must ensure that all feelings of animosity from the past are resolved. Ex – relationships that have left you with lingering feelings of anger, wrath and spite must be resolved. If you had a bad childhood, you’d be surprised how such trauma can be projected on future relationships. Ask God to examine your thoughts and heart and allow Him to bring healing to any unresolved issues. Constantly take authority over thoughts that bring animosity. Forgive those who have wronged you. The Bible takes it one step further and even says to pray for those who persecute you.  Remember, you want your new relationship to start on a clean slate. In the present, you must be one who doesn’t get easily angered over small things.

 3. Are you Creating a Better Future for Yourself ?

Are you someone with ambition ? Are you working to create a future for not just yourself, but those around you ? You can take courses to learn practical household keeping skills such as cooking. Are you working, in school, focused on your business ? Do you practice good discipline and working towards building good credit, budgeting and more ? Are you actively finding ways to get out of debt ? These are some of the many questions to ask yourself. Don’t stress if you have not mastered good stewardship principles. You can always start practicing now ! This is important because your significant other would want you to bring something to the table as well.

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Home Single

Single Girls Guide: Overcoming Frustration

There’s seem to be some kind of misconception going around that being frustrated with being single is not a thing. Well, excuse me but it’s just not true.
I, myself have been single for almost 8 years and I’ve certainly have had my fair share of frustrated moments. I mean after 8 years, wouldn’t you? However, I don’t allow myself to make a home in those moments.
See, I understand what most single women don’t-  that wallowing in frustration is not a good look. When you’re single, you have to be careful of the energy you put out there. If you’re always frustrated, or acting out in frustration, how can you expect a man to be attracted to you?
I mean, would you be attracted to someone who gives off that kind of energy? I’m sure that’s not on that list you came up with when you thought about your dream man.
See frustration can breed bitterness and anger. That’s why you have to be careful not to let it consume you. So what do you do with all that built up frustration?
I’ll tell you what you don’t do. You don’t call an ex. You don’t rant on social media. And you surely don’t think of yourself as someone who’s worthless just because you’re single.
No girlfriend, you LIVE. And you live life more ABUNDANTLY during those moments.
You go out in your favorite outfit and dance the night away. Or you spend a random night in the city and get a hotel and jump on the bed. You can also go on a meditative nature walk. Or go shopping and treat yourself to at least one thing you don’t really need. Travel for the weekend to see a long-distance friend or family member. Buy tickets to a show. Just hang out with yourself. Have your very own Netflix and Chill night in your favorite PJs, order some delivery and just binge watch a show you never have time to watch. My personal favorite, is taking myself on a spa date. I get a man and pedi and massage. Nothing like hot stones to make you forget all about your relationship status.
Whatever you choose to do, choose to not live this season of your life in frustration. Being single is not a disease. In fact, it’s surely to be the most purposeful time of your life if you allow it.
Got a question for me? Find me on Instagram or email me personally at thepowerofgodlywomen@gmail.com.

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Home Single

HELP! There are No Godly Men Left on the Planet

Thoughtful woman sitting alone outdoors. Girl worried in an urban park

“Good Men are hard to find.” …“Why are there no good men left in the world?”…
This statement and question together can leave you feeling frustrated while waiting in your single season. When you are frustrated with a season that God has called you to, it can lead you into temptation. Temptation not only causes you to fall, but it draws you away from God. It delays the promises of God from manifesting in your life.
 
Single Ladies: Stop saying, “Good med are hard to find.”
First, you shouldn’t be looking for a man. Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord. [NKJV] When you step out of alignment with God by searching for a man, you are telling God that he can’t handle this area of your life. When you step out of alignment, you also abort the mission. Then you find yourself in the wilderness longer than you had to be because of your disobedience to waiting on God and trusting in his plan. Your position is to seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 [NIV] Promises are often withheld because God is still maturing us to handle the gift he has for us. If we receive it in a premature season, we will mishandle the gift. Wait on God, sis!
 
Single Ladies: Stop asking, “Why are there no good men left?”
Are you looking for perfection and walking past and rejecting the one that doesn’t look like what you expected? Are your expectations based on your broken past experiences? Your single season is a time to clean house–clear your mind and rid your heart of all the junk you’ve allowed to be stored up on the inside of you. The enemy takes a strong hold of the mind. The battle is always within the mind. If Satan, can have you ask questions like: “Why are there no Good Men left?, he can keep you focusing on what you see around you. He can also blind you to what’s right in front of you. He can block you from hearing the voice of God because you’re so focused on distractions like this question. This question is a distraction to the promises of God that you should be focused on.
 
STOP making this statement and STOP asking this question. If you consider yourself to be a good woman then you have to believe that there are good men–Godly Men- still left on this planet. You have to believe that you don’t have to find them, but God will allow them to find you in due season. You have to stand on the word of God and know he will never leave you or forsake you [Hebrews 13:5 NRSVA]. Whatever promises he has spoken will come to pass. STAND on his word! There are Godly Men still left on this Planet!

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Dating/Courting Single

3 Things to Consider to Attract the Right Man

Young beautiful african american girl with an afro hairstyle. Laughing girl wearing eyeglasses. Portrait. Yellow background. Girl looking at camera.

Have you heard the old saying, “birds of a feather flock together?” The same holds true when dating. If you are desiring a godly man, how you present yourself determines who you attract as a potential mate. Although the world has their own tactics and standards, there are godly non-negotiable principles to attract a godly man. Here are 3 things to consider to attract the right man God’s way:

  1. Your Love Pursuit of God. As a godly woman, your relationship with God will attract the right man. When you pursue God with all your heart, soul, and mind, a godly man will see confidence, value, and worth that is rooted in your relationship with Christ (Matthew 22:37). Your inward and outward glow for God will radiate and let him know that you do not easily settle for just anything (Proverbs 31:10).
  2. Presentation is Everything. The world applauds physical attraction as a sure-fire way to lure the right mate. Focusing on looks, curves, and worldly ambitions are not the way to build a relationship on a solid foundation. Remember that first impressions do count! When loving and honoring yourself is the presentation, your modest style of dress, friendliness, smile, character, and personality will be your reputation to attract the right man seeking to date you (Proverbs 31:30).
  3. Take the Mask Off. You’ve heard the saying – real recognizes real. A godly man knows what he wants to pursue and will recognize if you are real or not as he gets to know you. The message that you send to a potential partner should be one that is honest and authentic (Ephesians 4:22-24). A godly man will look for these things to see how the relationship will blossom:
  • Does she respect others well?
  • Is her life built on service and love or is it just displayed in church settings (Hebrews 13:16)?
  • What do her family relationships and friendships look like?
  • How does she treat her parents and other people that are significant in her life (Romans 12:8)?

When it comes to a love relationship with the right man, keeping God first and applying these principles will help you attract a godly relationship. Are there any other principles you would add that have worked for you?
 
 
 
 

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Dating/Courting Home Single

5 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF AFTER A BAD BREAK-UP

Lonely young man looking at camera

First, I want you to know that you are not alone. Many people have suffered from bad break-ups – sometimes several bad break-ups; some have endured more than they would like to admit. After going through such pain, you have to ask yourself: Why? Why are you going through continuously toxic relationships and entering into them with wrong people? What are you learning from each of these experiences? The most important part of these situations is that you are gaining knowledge of yourself and that you are healing from each person that has hurt you before you pursue another relationship.
Healing takes time and going into something or involving yourself with someone new while broken or fragmented will only yield the same results. What are you doing to change your situation? What is God teaching you? I am a firm believer that God teaches us something from every situation we encounter and that there is a lesson in each experience.
Ask yourself:

  • Is the situation good or bad?
  • Is it a result of me following God’s will or my own will?
  • Or is it just a circumstance of life?

Why? The reason is that God is a teacher and He loves to teach us through experiences that will help us become better people; that will help us grow into His vision of us.
After a bad break-up, it is very important to reflect on what caused the relationship to be unhealthy. In most cases, relationships that end badly also started the same way. Evaluating your association will help you have a better understanding of why you participated in the relationship, in which areas you need to improve yourself, and what mistakes to avoid repeating in the future.
If you are like me, you don’t want to continuously experience the same awful cycles that often are the root cause of toxic relationships. Participating in back to back relationships and seeing the same results each time shows you that you are in a cycle!
In order to break free from the train ride of doom and set new standards for yourself, you need to ask yourself these 5 questions:
 1. What red flags did I decide to look past?
You should never go into any relationship with your feelings or emotions leading the way. By letting yourself be led by emotions, you become a target for deception. Being controlled by your feelings is equivalent to walking into a relationship blind. There are always red flags as to why someone isn’t good for you, and if you are not sober enough to recognize those flags, you will end up in a relationship that is based off your need for comfort and company.
 2. What part of me is broken that caused me to entertain wrongful company?
I’m going to piggyback off of the previous point. More often than not, people who are broken are willing to forsake the truth for comfort and company; they want to combat their loneliness. This reality can stem from a number of factors such as: lack of identity, insecurity, and unhealed wounds from past relationships. It is important to discover which areas of your soul still craves disastrous attention in order to uncover why you choose the mates that you do.
 3. Am I insecure?
The role of insecurity is to make you think you deserve less than what God wants for you; what He wills you to be. Insecurities block you from knowing and recognizing your worth. A person that is insecure will pursue and accept the wrong relationships. A secure person, in contrast, will understand that they are worth the wait, the pursuit, and will always uphold standards that they have set for themselves.
 4. Am I aware of my purpose?
If you are not aware of your purpose and your calling, you will more than likely date whoever seems most attractive. Those who understand their purpose will only entertain relationships that will comply with their calling on this earth. For example, if you desire to travel to many destinations over the course of your life, it wouldn’t be wise to begin a relationship with someone that does not like to fly in airplanes. Continuing to date someone that doesn’t match your future goals and God’s will is simply a waste of your time and theirs.
 5. Who am I?
This is a question that most people are not able to answer truthfully. I cannot stress enough the importance of knowing who you are before pursuing a relationship. Not knowing your identity will only hinder your association and cause more harm than good. If you are struggling to answer this question with detail and substance, you should honestly wait to pursue anyone other than God. The pursuit of God will uncover the answer to the most crucial question there is: Who Am I?
Now I admonish you to see the bright side of your break-up and make it work in your favor. Stop putting yourself through an endless cycle! It’s time to get off the roller coaster and focus on you. Answer the 5 questions listed and do the work needed to become your best self before deciding to share your heart with another again.

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Communication Dating/Courting Single

I Think He’s The One…Or Is He?

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Have you found yourself going over a long list of qualities that you desire in a man?  Or have you met the one that you think is right for you, only to wonder if he is really the one God has sent?  Although you may have desires for your mate that are absolutes, the man that is perfect for you is the one that God has selected for you.
If you are in a place where you are in a new relationship or desiring one, here are 3 tips to consider to know if he is the one or not:

  1. Does he have passion for God? One way to know he is the one is seeing a true passion for God, where God is first in his life. If God is first, then he will respect your passion for God, morals, and values in the relationship.  The right one will not cause you to stray away from godliness (2 Corinthians 6:14). What does his prayer life, worship, and devotional life look like?  Take time to discern and make sure that the pursuit of God is the most important thing to ensure you are on the right path (Proverbs 3:5-6).
  2. Can you trust him? Trust is a huge part of being in a relationship. Communicating, making sure your actions match your words, and being integral are sure ways to measure trust and encourage the building of mutual love and respect (John 10:37). Here are some questions to consider regarding trust:
  • Does he protect you, cherish you, and support you?
  • Does he lead you with godly wisdom?
  • Are you comfortable sharing your goals and dreams with him?
  • Does he celebrate you as you fulfill your God-given destiny?
  1. Does he embrace your authenticity? A lot of times, women feel as if their past disqualifies them from a promising relationship with the one God presents. This is further from the truth.  The one that God sends will sharpen the authentic you through affirmation and support (Proverbs 27:17).  This means he is not ashamed of your testimony. In fact, he encourages the God in you to shine! You will know he is the one when he stays committed through all challenges and falls in love with you even more from it all (Romans 8:28).

Whether you are in a new relationship or desiring one, remember to pray and ask God if he is the one. Be open and follow whatever God speaks or shows you.  Are there any tips that you can add?  Please share!

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Home Single

Single and Suffering: How One Woman's Physical Battles While Single Changed Her Life

 In our season of singleness God can do a deep work in us, if we allow Him to. Rachel Deitrick is an accountability coach at Married and Young. Prior to this, Rachel experienced the trial of her life when she developed an autoimmune disease. Rachel’s body would trigger false allergic reactions whenever she ate food. After losing an immense amount of weight and feeling that things were never going to change, Rachel contemplated suicide. However, this illness allowed Rachel to strengthen her relationship with God, gain a passion for a writing and become a source of encouragement for those desiring Godly relationships !

Habiba Abudu (HA) : What was life like prior to your stomach illness ?

Rachel Deitrick (RD) : It was Spring 2013 and I just transferred to Arizona State University to pursue a Bachelor’s Degree in Family and Human Development. I was working full time and dating my boyfriend of seven years.

HA : When did you start to notice that you had health issues ?

RD : One day I had a severe allergic reaction to food that I’ve eaten. My allergic reaction offset the pH balance in my stomach which caused me to have acid reflux. The acid reflux became severe over time and caused ear infections. Ear problems can happen if the stomach is not producing the right amount of acid. The reflux was addressed with over the counter medications and the ear infections were addressed with antibiotics. The combination of over the counter medications with prescription antibiotics was too much for my body to handle at once. This resulted in my digestive system being destroyed.

HA : How did your illness affect your life ?

RD : My body could not properly digest food. This was because my stomach and intestinal lining was eaten away from acid reflux, medications and antibiotics. Starving myself was not an option, so I tried to eat small amounts of food. My body began to think that food was a threat. I developed an autoimmune disease known as leaky gut and my body would attack itself every time I ate or drank anything. I would get a false allergic reaction to any food that I consumed. My throat would feel as though it was closing up whenever I put food in my mouth. The feeling of my throat closing up was terrifying. I didn’t understand what was happening and doctors didn’t either. I began to lose weight and developed an eating disorder. I was terrified of food. My doctors told me I was crazy and that I needed counseling. I became extremely depressed due to being sick, frustrated, and scared. Due to my illness, my body was completely deprived of the nutrition it needed in order to function properly.

HA : Can you discuss your period of depression and not wanting to live anymore ?

RD : My body was slowly shutting down and I did not want to live. I broke up with my boyfriend because I was so depressed. I also quit working and going to college. There were countless days where I laid in bed with no desire to get up. I was completely hopeless and thought my health would never improve. Since, I lost so much weight and looked anorexic, I began to struggle with a negative body image. I wanted to end my life.

 

HA : You started to write. What prompted you to write ?

RD : My depression. I was going crazy with all of these negative thoughts I had about myself and life in general. Writing became my therapy. Eventually, I started writing ideas for blog entries and planned to start my own blog.

Once I had experienced major improvements in my health, I was unexpectedly given the opportunity to write for a magazine. The blog entries that I had been working on turned into magazine articles. I began writing for Stellar Day Magazine in January 2016. My articles have been opportunities for me to share what God has been doing in my life. I am currently writing my first book that helps singles position themselves to be found.

HA : How were you able to make a comeback from your illness ? Did you make any changes to your lifestyle ?

RD :  I asked God for His help. After my sickness, I had an epiphany. My sickness, although unbearable, was an invitation from God. Through my trial, He was inviting me to fix my gaze upon Him, to not be afraid, and to trust Him with every ounce of my being.

It was amazing how God revealed to me what exactly was wrong with my body when doctors couldn’t. For example, baseball player Kameron Loe helped me. I met Kameron through my step brother. Kameron allowed me to use his machine that cost thousands of dollars. The machine used electromagnetic waves that removed heavy metals and toxins. I did a couple of treatments with Kameron’s machine.

My healing took time because my body had to rebuild its digestive system. I made changes in my diet. I now eat a diet that follows Paleo and Whole30 food options. I also began to use supplements such as probiotics, digestive enzymes, and essential oils.

HA : Finally, what advice would you give to those going through a difficult situation ?

RD : Never give up, even on your worst days. Ask God to help you through your situation. Before I made the decision to take my life, I decided to cry out to God one last time. God had to let me experience the pain so that my faith and dependence on Him would be strengthened. Through my depression, I developed my passion of writing. If you are experiencing a difficult situation, what if that difficulty has been sent to you as an invitation to trust the One that can help you through it ?

 
 

What work is God doing in your season of singleness ?

 
 

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Home Single

#1 Thing Singles Are Neglecting To Do

Singles are doing this thing all wrong! Yes, it’s great to fellowship with other believers and it’s even honorable to pray without halting, but there is something missing in your season of waiting on your spouse. Let me help you with what you’ve been neglecting to do.
When I was single… I would pray for God to display the dark areas in my life that had been concealed. I didn’t specifically pray for a mate but I prayed that God would grant me somebody that aligned with his word. I also had crazy faith that God would give me the desires of my heart.
Sometimes my faith would waver through doubt and fear. I heard a song that stated that you will have what you declare and decree. I believed that with my whole heart. So, I declared and decreed I would be married. Guess what? That’s exactly what God did. He blessed me with a mate.
Are you speaking what you desire into the atmosphere? Do you realize the power that lies within you?
Genesis 1:1-2 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. [NKJ]
Your single season is a period of new beginnings. A place where God establishes a new thing within you. You are formless so he’s able to shape and mold you into the person he destined you to be. As his Spirit hovers of you a metamorphosis occurs deep within you.
If you keep reading Genesis Chapter 1, you’ll find that God speaks things in to existence. Those things were already there, but they hadn’t manifested into the physical realm because it wasn’t time.
Speak into the atmosphere that you desire a mate. Watch God manifest what you have spoken in due season. You’ve been given authority to speak the very thing you desire. Take your position serious because he has given you something he knew you could handle.
If you desire a godly mate–speak it into the atmosphere. Let what you speak be good. Let it be aligned with God’s will. What you declare and decree will come to pass.
Let’s pray:
I declare and decree that what you desire will manifest at the opportune time. That God will blow your mind. Your mate will be more than what you prayed for. I pray that you not mishandle the blessing but that you continue to seek the counsel of the Lord. I pray that you throw away your expectations and set practical standards in place. I pray that your standards align with the plans that God has for your life.  I pray that your heart be filled with joy as you watch your love story unfold. In Jesus name, Amen!

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Home Single

5 Things You Need More Than a Husband

I know, it’s the season where everyone is getting engaged and married, so now you’re down in the dumps because you’re still single. Girl please.. say goodbye to the misery because what you need more than a husband are these FIVE things:
 1. Girlfriends. You need a solid group of friends that you can laugh with, you can cry with, you can pray with and you can travel with. When you’re busy making memories, the fact that you aren’t married will become less of a focus for you.
 2. Purpose. What are you passionate about? Make that your focus. Don’t know what you’re passionate about? Try some new things- a bunch of new things, until you discover something that you’re crazy about. Purpose is what gives your life meaning, not marriage.
 3. Self-Worth. Listen to me, if you don’t have self-worth, you’ll be single for the rest of your life….. well maybe that was a stretch, you may not be single, but you’ll definitely be miserable. When you know your self-worth, you teach other people how to value you and how to treat you. When you lack self-worth, you basically are giving others permission to minimize your value. Sis, God said in Proverbs 3:15, that you’re more precious than rubies. Does that sound like a woman who lacks self-worth?
 4. A relationship with Christ. Need I say more? Well if I must, I’ll say this- God should be at the center of all we do. He is our foundation. You can choose to build on a solid foundation- God – or you can choose to build on a shaky foundation. It’s up to you. But I’m choosing the solid foundation for ever, Alex!
 5. Self-Love. What do you look like trying to have someone else fill up your love tank when you can’t even do it for yourself?  That’s so 2008. The late, great Whitney Houston said it best, “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all….” When you love yourself, you’ll never have to worry another day about feeling unloved and anybody that comes into your life, ready to love you, is just the toppings on top of an already good sundae.
Need more tips like this, find me on Instagram using the hashtag #AskKay

Categories
Dating/Courting Marriage Single

I Called My Wedding Off: 4 Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine If He's the One-Part 2

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Welcome to Part II of “Is He The One? 4 Questions To Ask Yourself”. If you missed Part I, read it here
3. Will he wait for you?
 
Ephesians 5:27, “He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. Sisters, lemme just tell ya! Closing your legs will weed ’em out faster than a cat can lick its rear end! #peaceout A man who’s willing to deny his flesh to honor you and God, is a very special man. True love, as found in John 3:16, is sacrificial. It requires giving something up. Sacrificing the pleasure of his flesh, may be an indication he desires a future beyond the bed with you. More importantly, he may just be a man like King David, after God’s heart.
 
 4. Is God orchestrating the relationship or are you?
 
I tried to “help” God in past relationships. For example, I shacked with a man for 3 years! God wasn’t moving fast enough! I took matters into my own hands and allowed him to move in with me. I believed it was the only option if we were to ever be together. Seven years later, I was living in Colorado. Chris lived in Alabama. How in the world was this going to work? We were 1394 miles (20 hours) apart! I vowed to God I would stay out of it! If Chris was to be my husband, He would open all the doors for us. Oftentimes, we don’t see God moving in our lives because we’re too busy making things happen ourselves.
A month after Chris and I met, we hopped on a plane to St. Louis and ate lunch at Sweetie Pie’s. On our way back home, the same day, there had been some delays at the airport. As a result, the airline was seeking volunteers to give up their seats. Needless to say, we volunteered. Long story short, both of us received a $1000 voucher. Interestingly enough, I was heading back to Colorado in a few days. Neither of us knew what was next. When would we see each other again? Our gracious Father opened the door for us to see each other, on Him!! We flew to a different city every month until we were married. Chris spent the last of his voucher when he flew to Denver to drive me back to Alabama to be his wife. Ladies, ladies, ladies… If it’s meant to be, it’ll flow. You won’t be required to chase him. In fact, you won’t have to do anything. God will send him to chase you!!
I’m not a relationship counselor, nor do I profess to be. I’m simply sharing from my own experiences, praying that it blesses you. That it encourages and inspires you to date God’s way. It’s worth the wait.

Tiffany Phillips is a southern girl, residing in Sweet Home Alabama. She’s a Christian, wife (married to the most amazing man, Chris), health and fitness enthusiast, and blogger who is eager to share what God has placed on her heart. Visit Tiffany over at her blog teawithtiffanyp.com
Why Tea With Tiffany P? Because she’s spilling all the tea!