Month: April 2016

Categories
Communication Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

The Power of "Thank You"

Happy together. Young man kissing beautiful cheerful women while she hugging him and looking at the camera.

Right now, the millennial generation has a reputation. We’ve been called “entitled,” “selfish,” “thankless,” and a multitude of other labels that define us as a generation.  I’m not here to argue with these monikers, nor do I intend to defend us. Much of it is true, unfortunately. And yet, I am not into making a hasty generalization about this generation; we aren’t all stuck-up, self-absorbed drones. But something is getting lost, here. What is it?
The power of “Thank you.”
What is the power of thank you? It is the vantage point from “30,000 feet” that notices the little things in the big picture—and it works wonders in a marriage.

Getting In Their World

Thank you is a statement of acknowledging that my world is not the only world. Thank you puts the spotlight on another person’s world. In an age where we gravitate towards our own interests, thank you tells another person that you’re able to elevate your head above the stratosphere of your world and appreciate the value of theirs. “Thank you for washing the car tonight” means “I notice that you noticed me.”

Disarming Resentment

Thank you disarms mounting resentment and boiling bitterness. I remember a time when the Lord prompted me to thank my wife for everything that she does. When I did, tears filled her eyes and she threw her arms around my neck and said, “That means everything to me that you notice!” This could have also meant that I hadn’t said it enough.  What would have happened if I never stopped to acknowledge her contribution to our family and to the Kingdom? Resentment. Resentment is the result of someone feeling as though their contributions aren’t noticed. Disengage that resentment with the power of thank you.

Releasing Them into Their Destiny

Thank you empowers a person. A close friend of mine loves to tell young people, “Find where you’re celebrated, not tolerated.” In a season where I was jaded by life and unfulfilled expectations, this was not a sentiment that I could relate to. I was used to feeling invisible, insignificant, and unnecessary.  I was unaccustomed to “being celebrated”—until it happened to me. I started a job where the leadership empowered me to use my gifts and talents, and thanked and affirmed me often.  I thrived in that environment!
My suspicion is that your spouse will thrive too. Heartfelt thanks toward your spouse will make them feel secure and confident. When a person feels security and confidence, there are no limits to what he or she may do—or become. My wife demonstrated the power of thank you to me on a car ride home from work. “You take such good care of us, Dan,” she said. I felt like all of my hard work and sacrifice mattered to her. Thank you validates purpose.

Thank You=Acknowledgment

There is no magical power in the words “thank you.” You cannot undo years of betrayal by uttering these words. Saying “thank you” will not supernaturally heal a deep-root system of bad communication and hurts. But if you develop a lifestyle of thanking your spouse for what they do, who they are, and what they add to life, you just may prevent deep resentment from fermenting in your spouse’s heart. What we are talking about here is acknowledging that your spouse is made in God’s image, and makes the world a better place. Tell your spouse today that you see him or her. Say “thank you.”
What are practical ways you can say or demonstrate appreciation for your spouse?

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

4 Types of Men Women Should Pay Close Attention To

Ladies, there are 4 types of men you should pay close attention to when entertaining potential relationships.
1. Window Shopper– The window shopper is the guy who loves to come around to see you, talk to you and to get whatever he can from you. However, he is not positioned to make any commitments to you. He is not interested in being connected to you publicly, however when no one is looking he whispers false intentions to keep you around. No one in his life know you exist.
2. Layaway Guy– The layaway guy puts in just enough time to remain in your life, however you are only an option to him. He puts in the minimum time with you as well as other women and it is difficult for him to make final decisions. He will lead you on to make you believe he is preparing to make you his, but in reality is just buying himself more time simply to keep you entertained. When too much pressure is put on him to commit, he will withdraw his time and move on to the next option.
3. Impulsive Buyer- The impulsive buyer moves quickly! His decisions are always impulsive, but never thought out thoroughly. His commitment to you waivers often. One minute he is all in and planning a future with you and the next minute he is unsure if he made the right decision. He rarely follows through with his decisions. He is not prepared to keep you in his life and only took you off the market so that no one else could have you. He’s quite selfish!
4. Disciplined Buyer– The disciplined buyer is a man with vision and a plan. He knows what he wants and he has many options but an eye for only one. He will research you and evaluate whether or not you are an asset to his life or a liability. He will evaluate whether or not you will compliment his life or complicate it. He is not interested in games and will not attempt to negotiate a deal for you. He sees your value and purpose and it does not intimidate him by any means. Prior to making a commitment to you, he makes sure he can afford and upkeep you.
Ladies, it is important to pay close attention not just to the words of a man, but also to his actions. Does he follow through with his promises to you or is he inconsistent? Is he capable of making decisions and sticking to them or is he indecisive? Does he publicly express his intentions with you or are you his best kept secret? Is he honest with you or does he play games with your heart and mind?
God never intended for you to settle to be a side-chick, or to involve yourself with a man who only desires your body and your time. A man of God will not play games with your emotions or heart and will position himself to make you his by changing your last name. I encourage you to refuse to settle for any man who is not clear about his intentions with you and your future. A disciplined man of God will not only have a vision and a plan, but he will follow through with his plans without having to be coerced or pressured to do so. You are worth the pursuit and lifelong commitment! Refuse to settle for anything less!

Categories
Home

Don't Forget to LOVE Yourself

Authors: Culus Williams & Calandra Thompson
Many of us have different roles that we carry out everyday. We feel like there aren’t enough hours in a day to complete our tasks.  If you have too much on your plate, it may be  time to sit down and prioritize what’s most important to you.
Evaluate what you’re giving out each day and then find a healthy balance between your personal and business life. Just in case you didn’t know there is separation between the two. Often times we put them together but they don’t go together.
God wants us to love ourselves and enjoy life. That doesn’t mean become a lover of yourself. It does mean love yourself so that you’re healthy emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you give out all the time and don’t find the time to LOVE YOU, you will find yourself running on empty.
Just like a car needs gas, you too need to be filled up. Give yourself the gift of time – spend time just relaxing in a nice hot bubble bath, read a novel, watch a movie, go skating, go exercise, hang out with friends or family, go dancing, get a mani/pedi, etc. Do something that you love and that relaxes your mind.
Love yourself like you want to be loved. Love yourself first so that others can receive the joyful side of you. If you are empty, the love that you give will be empty. Empty love isn’t genuine and is often forced because we feel we have to do it. Fill yourself up, so you can genuinely give love and be able to receive love.
No one wants to be around a grumpy person. Take some time away from the busy schedule and LOVE YOURSELF.
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Single

Dear Unmarried, Your Relationship with the Lord Matters

Beautiful Girl reading her Bible by the sea
Your relationship with the Lord should be something that you take confidence and security in. It should also be one of the most attractive qualities that your future spouse honors and respects. How you relate, involve and allow the Lord to lead and guide you shows the real and raw you. So my question is: “What is your view of God? Are you involving him in your everyday life?
Before my now husband pursued me, he first recognized my passion and zeal for the Lord. Until this day, he says that my relationship and pursuit of the Lord was one the most attractive and main reasons why he felt peace in pursuing me.
If you desire to marry a man of God you need to also be a woman of God,  a woman who loves God more than she loves her husband. “How can I love God more than my spouse?” It is only natural to do so when you truly love and fear the Lord from the right perspective.
One of the commandments in the bible is “Love the Lord thy God with all of your heart, mind and soul” The word of God does not change once you get married. The dynamics change in which you are required to include your now spouse for the beautiful reason in which you both become one. So as you love an honor the Lord the overflow of your obedience and passion will overflow into how you love, respect and honor your spouse.
I say this to encourage you to invest in your spiritual development and relationship with the Lord while you are unmarried. Do not take for granted the time, ability and focus you are able to give the Lord prior to marriage.
The success of your future marriage depends on it.  Commit to a life of true devotion along with a commitment to actively growing and maturing in your relationship with the Lord.
In I Corinthians 7:34  we see clearly what we are suppose to truly be focused on during your season of singleness: “His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband”
Enjoy the season the Lord has you in and know that your history with God is pivotal to your history with your future spouse! 

Categories
Home Marriage

5 Steps to Break the Cycle of Failed Marriages

Have you noticed a repeated cycle of family breakdown, conflict, struggling marriages and/or divorce in your bloodline? This is a sign that a generational curse may be operating. I personally come from a lineage of adultery, illegitimate children and divorce. Both my mother and father were divorced once before meeting. I later became their “love child,” since my father was still married to his second wife when I was conceived. Not so coincidentally, my mother was also conceived under similar circumstances.
The Bible mentions “generational curses” in several places (Exodus 20:5; 34:7; Numbers 14:18; Deuteronomy 5:9). In these verses we see that iniquities (sins) causes a recurring curse to be passed down to the third and fourth generations. Thankfully, Jesus carried our iniquities to the cross and generational curses can be broken. In Isaiah 53:5-6, it says: “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed. We all like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, every one, to his own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.”
Before marriage, in relationships I struggled fully investing myself and never had a healthy respect for men. It was as if something would rise up from within that caused me to detach from any relationship. Even when I recognized my challenges and desired to change, I was never successful. After giving my life to Christ, it finally dawned on me that what continued to rise up within me were actually demonic forces which needed to be dealt with. I quickly recognized these cycles as a generational curse.
I am the first of my parent’s children to break these recurring patterns in our family. It became imperative to me to do whatever necessary to break them.
Here are 4 steps to break the generational cycles of failed marriages in your life:
1. Awareness. Are you aware of any generational challenges you and your family face? In order to be free from them you have to first recognize there is a problem. This may sound simple, however, there are many people who are ignorant of or in denial of the destructive relationship patterns they face.
2. Ownership. No matter what has happened in our generational line, each of us are responsible for the choices and decisions we make today. Take ownership of the ungodly vows, actions, attitudes, tendencies, beliefs and/or emotions you have in regards to your relationships.
3. Repentance. Once you accept ownership, renounce any agreement you’ve made in your heart with any of those ungodly beliefs, thoughts, vow, emotions, etc. and repent.
4. Practice. Now it’s imperative to practice doing the opposite in the areas you’ve renounced and repented.
5. Prayer. If you continue to face challenges it may be necessary to receive deliverance prayer.

Categories
Home Single

4 Commitments That’ll Determine A Person's Readiness for Marriage

One question I get asked quite often is, “How do you know when you’re ready for marriage?”
I used to give a very non-direct answer such as, “You’re never really ready for marriage.” Then, I would go into a long explanation of that concept which is totally true.
Even being one of the most emphatic teachers of preparing for marriage, there is still the reality that once you are married you will learn how much more about yourself and marriage that you couldn’t learn until you are actually married.
But, I was riding in the car with one of my mentees the other day when he asked me the very notable question, but this time it was different.
I looked at my life and now marriage to see what decisions I made in my singleness that are having the most impact in my marriage today. Those decisions actually came down to 4 commitments that I believe are strong signs of readiness for marriage.
Here are the 4 commitments.
1.Commitment to God.
What you will learn very quickly about marriage is that we’re not smart enough to create such a highly complex institution. Marriage was created by God and for God that it might bring glory back to Him. Well, before marriage comes you first learn how to be committed to God in the form of a relationship. It is this commitment that becomes your foundational relationship in your life. If you are unable to daily commit to a unconditionally loving, never failing, and always consistent God then what makes you think you will be able to commit to an imperfect, will hurt your feelings, and fail you more times than you plan man or woman? Commitment to God is essential for a healthy marriage relationship.
2. Commitment to church.
After your commitment to God the next commitment is your ablilty to commit to your local church. Now, I’m not just talking about Sunday attendance, but actually being involved in your church in a volunteer role. Why is this important in light of being prepared for marriage? Volunteering at your church shows the mature sign of taking your faith and using it to bless others. This is very important because being selfless is one of the most necessary qualities to have in a healthy marriage.
3. Commitment to friends.
It is proven that marriages that last the longest have been built upon a foundation of a solid friendship. When you are single it is easy to just focus on trying to find that one person to build a romantic relationship with versus learning how to become a good friend first. It is in friendship that you learn how to be encouraging, challenging, patient, and loyal no matter what. If you are a bad friend now, you will be a bad spouse later.
4. Commitment to Work.
This is the easiest one of them all. If a person doesn’t work, a person doesn’t eat. This commitment is vital for the ability to simply live and enjoy this thing called life.
I pray these 4 commitments shed light on some of the important things you should be focused in on during your season of singleness. Also, when you do meet that special person you can use these 4 commitments as a basis of conversation to see their readiness for marriage.

Categories
Home Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

Keeping Your Marriage Alive: 4 Ways to Spiritual Intimacy

Married life is very busy with work, family, and ministry obligations. It is easy to watch the spiritual connection between you and your spouse quickly fizz out. However, it is so crucial that there is spiritual intimacy between a couple. Spiritual intimacy is what keeps a marriage going and being able to connect around the very one who brought you together is crucial for the marriage. Here are four ways to stay spiritually connected together.

  1. Establish a time for prayer, worship, and the word on a weekly basis. You may not be able to do this together daily, but try to carve out one day a week where both of you are studying the word together and enjoying the presence of the Lord together.
  2. Create an atmosphere of presence in your home. While you may not able to sit down and pray together every day, make sure to have pictures and photos that point to Jesus, release worship in the house, have conversations that center around Jesus etc.
  3.  Work together on buiding something together for the Lord. Work on Spiritual projects together, serve on the same team at church, plan a ministry event together.
  4. Cultivate yourselves spiritually and also enjoy physical intimacy in a new place. Attend retreats and conferences together and take some time away just you two.

With everything, it is important to be intentional, as long as you are aware that this is important for any marriage to be strong you will take the time out to make spiritual connection a priority.

Categories
Marriage

3 Effective Ways to Build a Bridge of Trust In Marriage

Portrait Of Happy Young Couple In Garden

In marriage, I have learned that trust is the lifeblood of the covenant shared between couples. It takes a daily effort of honoring your covenant to continually build trust for growth in your marriage. I have learned being married for eight years to a wonderful husband that spouses must be willing to step outside of their comfort zones to be salt and light, as bridge builders in relationships (Matthew 5:13-16).
Bridges are very important structures that are designed to connect things together such as land, roads, bodies of water, and passageways for people. The same is true in marriage, when bridges of trust are built with care, couples strengthen their love, trust, faith, and connection to Christ and to one another in their marriage. Every couple can build a bridge of trust in their marriage by using these three key principles that I have learned on my marital journey:

  1. Live a life of love and honor.  As Romans 12:10 says, “love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” Couples are at their best as bridge builders when they model Christ’s love that influences their marriage. It is from this love, that trust and honor is established.  By spreading the synergies of love and honor, trust supports the bond, which makes your relationship stronger. When modeling Christ’s love, holding your spouse in high esteem will be seen and felt in your marriage. When we display love and honor, our marriages can become opportunities for evangelism and ministry to show unbelievers a true example of godly marriage.
  1. Be a person of integrity. Being integral goes a long way in marriage! In today’s world, it is so easy to lose focus of what is most important to marriage. So many couples sabotage their marriages by operating from the premise of doing what feels right to them, without considering godly morals and principles to strengthen their marriage. Hebrews 13:4 unpacks the importance of honor and integrity, saying “give honor to marriage and remain faithful to one another in marriage.” God showed me that as my husband’s wife and helpmate, I deepen our marital bond by honoring our marital vows and promises. I have learned that this speaks volumes to your spouse, from the demonstration of your faith and virtues of respect, selflessness, fairness, kindness, and honesty.
  1. Create openness. Sometimes couples think that opening up can be risky, but this is further from the truth. Building a bridge of trust requires openness because it develops humility and an earnest drive to build an honest connection with your spouse. As we openly live out Christlike values in marriage, God promises to lead us in what is right and teach us His way (Psalm 25:9). The growth from openness will be loving communication, helping spouses to trust, appreciate one another, and affirm each other’s importance in marriage.

Building a bridge of trust and integrity in marriages is crucial. God designed marriage for couples to be authentic, committed to becoming more like Him and glorifying Him in every part of marriage. As bridge builders in marriage, making the commitment for trust and integrity as a daily priority will cause your marriage to thrive and experience an overflow of God’s joy and love continually.

Categories
Finances Home

3 Signs It's Time to Stop Paying Rent and Buy a House!

love, people, real estate, home and family concept - smiling couple showing dollar cash money over house background

by guest contributor Calvin Russel Jr.
Right now is the PERFECT time to purchase a home. Mortgage rates are still at an all-time low and the banks are becoming more lenient on the qualifications to get a mortgage loan. Many current tenants are thinking of making the move to become home owners but, they are not quite sure it is the right time. Take a look at these signs as it may describe your current situation.
1. Your Rent Payments Are Equivalent To Mortgage Payments
This is the number one sign as this is always the tipping point for most renters. I remember when I was working one day at the dealership and I asked my customer a series of questions related to their auto loan approval. One of the questions was, “What is your current rent/mortgage payment per month?” They answered “$850!” Yes, $850!!! At the time, my wife and I were paying a little more than that for a nice apartment in a nice area. It was at that moment I began to ask myself, “Where do all of my rent payments go each month?” It was also at that moment that I decided to become qualified for a mortgage loan. Most rent payments are extremely close to that of mortgage payment. Mortgage payments can be under $1000/month for a lot of reasons. The homeowner could have placed a nice down payment, they could have re-financed, they could be living in a low cost neighborhood, or they simply could have found a great deal on a property. Many tenants think most mortgages are between $1500-$2500 when that is not the case at all. Most residential homes for middle income Americans range from $125k-$175k and could be lower depending on the state. That creates a mortgage anywhere from $800/month-$1400/month with today’s mortgage rates.
2. Your Neighbors Aren’t The Best
You gotta love the alarm clocks that never get shut off in the morning from your neighbor. Or what about the one who always decides to wash their clothes past the allowed time notice. Or the kids who sleep in a bedroom right above yours and it seems like there is always a wrestling match on their floor. Or what about the one who always has company over to “hammer a few things on the wall”…every night. Either way, your neighbors keep doing things that upset you or make you angry. We didn’t even discuss the major ones such as: arguing couples, constant smoke alarms, cannabis under the door, loud music and parties, constant furniture moving, and I could go on and on! Most of the minor things we all have dealt with only because the situation is not big enough to complain to the landlord about. One thing for sure is that it’s easier to change what YOU CAN control versus trying to change something YOU CAN’T control.
3. Your Landlord Is Really A Slumlord
That moment when you call your landlord about a problem you are having in your apartment that needs to be fixed and they said they would fix it months earlier or what about the so called “Free Heat” but the temperature feels like 60 degrees inside the apartment during the winter. Wait, what about the time your landlord asked you to pay rent a couple of days EARLY for no reason at all! Or maybe the time you came home and you noticed your apartment had been entered by someone else and could possibly be the landlord! Yeah, that my friend is a slumlord! Things never get fixed and complaints never get addressed, but you deal with it. Why? Because it’s easier to live under someone else’s rules and building than your own right? With a home, you will have to maintain it yes, but at least it’s your home. You may have your own gas bill, but at least you can control the heat to your liking. Ditch the slumlord and qualify for your own mortgage!
The Bottom Line
I know the feeling of dealing with tenant issues and also dreading the pre-approval process. Credit is a big deal and it is needed to finance a home. As a good tenant or great tenant, I am sure you have thought about the idea of home ownership. Let these 3 signs push you in the right direction of getting that loan pre-approval.
 

Categories
Home Single

How to Wait and Pray for Your Future Spouse

We are told as believers to be patient, and WAIT on God regarding the coming of our spouses, but waiting is literally one of the most challenging things to do in our day and time.
I didn’t date much during my high school and college years simply because I saw it as a time for me to develop my relationship with God, and also because my pastor made it very clear to me that I wasn’t ready to lead a woman until I first proved I could lead myself.
But, even during those early years of my life I had such a genuine desire to meet, know, and love my future wife.  This is the story of many because God created us with the desire to come into covenant with one person that we will spend the rest of our life with. Upon recognizing the desire to marry, find someone and falling in love is not immediate, but the season of waiting is.
Waiting on your spouse is inevitable, but many do not embrace the art of praying for their future spouse during that time.  The bible states very sternly in Philippians 4:6, “To be anxious for NOTHING, but  in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  This is one of the most key verses for those in the season of waiting.
The moment you feel yourself becoming anxious you should automatically get on your face before God and pray!
During my single years, each night during my quiet time with God I would always end with a few short prayers covering my wife (whom I hadn’t met yet). I didn’t make requests about what I wanted her to be, but I prayed over her knowing that she was already somewhere fully created.  I would pray protective prayers over her, and ask that God would continue to push her into purpose knowing that would cause us to meet one day.
I made sure not to allow that to be the majority of my prayer time because during singleness your main priority should be the development of yourself, and your relationship with God. Praying for your spouse gives God full control, and will encourage you during your season of waiting with patience.
I thank God that He encouraged me to do this, because it was the very prayers that I prayed over my future wife that helped me recognize that Natasha was the one I had been praying for all those years.
So I encourage you as you are in the season of waiting to pray over your future spouse and watch God work!
Psalm 33:20-22 “Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.”