Month: May 2017

Categories
Communication Marriage

Your Spouse Shouldn't Have To Beg For Your Validation

Young black woman drinking tea and chatting with boyfriend on couch

by Ed & Sharita Gray
The phrase “validation without solicitation” is just an alternative way of describing  the “confirmation of your affirmation”. The meaning behind all of those big fancy words is simple: for you to express by way of word AND action (without being prompted to do so by your spouse)….that your spouse is of significant value to you. Both of the words “validation” and “affirmation” point to the word “confirmation”. Confirmation is best described as proving a truth by acknowledging it with absolute certainty. So, when you say to your spouse, “I love you!” and he/she quips back with, “…well then prove it!” This is what they actually mean….confirm your love for me. No one wants to merely hear that they are appreciated, or only be told that they are loved or doing a great job. Your VERBALIZATION has to be followed up with VALIDATION.
 
This is not just true of marriages or relationship, it’s even true on your job. If you were assigned a project on your job and you worked night and day, and put your all into making the project a success, then naturally you would expect for your employer to acknowledge the fact that you had done a really good job. Or maybe you’ve worked for a particular company for many years and you’ve been a tremendous employee, then naturally you too would expect for your employer to acknowledge the many years served and the job well done. But wouldn’t it be at least a tad bit insulting, or make you feel the least bit unappreciated or devalued, if the only thing that your employer did was “tell” you that you did a good job on the project or that the company appreciated your many years served. It would be totally natural and normal to experience these feelings because something is missing. But what is it that’s missing? In a word…VALIDATION! NO, “acknowledgement” is not a suitable substitute for validation. Acknowledgement should only serve as the precursor to validation. Validation demands that an action takes place.
 
So, as it relates to your place of employment, job well done on the project, or many years served, validation would demand a tangible gift. A tangible gift could possibly be a raise, or an extra day added to your vacation time, or a company paid lunch at a local restaurant, etc. But if they only “told” you how good of a job you did or how much they appreciated your many years of service, then it wouldn’t take long before their “words” became just that-only words! You would soon begin to ponder the same phrase that Janet Jackson coined in one of her hit songs, “What have you done for me lately?”
 
So, if we understand this analogy as it pertains to our job….why is it so hard to understand it as it relates to our marriages and relationships? Merely telling your spouse or significant other that you love them or care about them will only carry you so far. After that you may actually hear Janet Jackson in your spouse when he/she poses the question, “what have you done for me lately?” So, before your spouse prompts you with this question, ask yourself-”What have I ‘DONE’ for him/her lately?!” If your answer is “Nothing” or “Very little,” then NOW is the best time to change that.
 
Lastly and finally, remember this one important detail: Your spouse wants to be validated without soliciting you. This simply means that your spouse does not want to have to tell you that you need to do something nice or tangible for them. Nor do they want to have to toot their own horn in an effort to hint to you that they need to be acknowledged and validated. You yourself would feel much more valuable and appreciated if your employer came to you and after acknowledging the job well done or years served; followed that up with a tangible gift. Why? Because there is something FULL-filling about not having to beg for appreciation. So, let’s stop leaving our spouse empty and dry in this area as well. Your spouse deserves the same treatment that you desire. Now, leave this computer, phone or tablet and GO VALIDATE!
 
Ed and Sharita Gray are a dynamic, married duo committed to helping tip the scales in favor of whole and healthy marriages. Check them out over at their blog www.edandsharita.com.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

What If God Doesn't Send Your Boaz?

Beauty and skin care concept. Headshot of fashionable dark-skinned young woman with stylish haircut and clean healthy skin looking away with serious and pensive expression, resting against wooden wall

by Richelle Henry
So often, I hear within the single Christian women community to just keep working in my field. I hear that Ruth was found working and busy doing her purpose when she positioned herself to be found by this man of perfection, Mr. Boaz. So many women post statuses about being found by this famous man and even caption photos that tell the story of her wait. We’ve been sold this lie that when it comes to singleness, Boaz in all of his manliness, will come and rescue us from our singleness.
But I must ask you, “What if God doesn’t send you Boaz?”
It’s clear that he’s a hot commodity and millions of Christian women are a part of the rhetoric that if we just position ourselves, flow in purpose, and know who we are, that our prize at the end of it all would be marriage with our Boaz.
But what if God sent me a Moses?
A man who is a leader, but sometimes emotionally driven and in need of my assurance to stand in the fullness of who He was called to be? Although Moses was called, He still felt extremely inadequate and battled insecurities that almost caused him to forfeit the leader that the Lord was trying to pull out of him. What if it were my responsibility to encourage him into his identity?
 
What if God sent me an Elijah?
A man who has had his share of great victories but still wrestles with fear in such a way that he falls into bouts of lowness and crushing depression? Could I be the woman that God has sent to help draw him out of those cave moments and like the Angel did with Elijah, speak the words, “get up and eat?” Could I be a woman of patience, grace, and love to look beyond his bouts of discouragement and see the man he’s destined to be? (See 1 Kings 18 & 1 Kings 19)
 
What if God sent me a Jonah?
A man who has a sure call upon his life to deliver a difficult message, only to be so discouraged with the mantle of his calling that it sends him running? Could I be the woman who, like the whale, was sent to remind him of the importance of obeying the voice of the Lord the first time? Could I be the woman who is sent to help him instead put his fears to flight, instead of his purpose? (See Jonah, Chapter 1)
 
What if God sent me an Abraham?
A man who has received a word to leave everything behind and just follow the Lord to a land that He would soon show him? A man who received a promise and didn’t have the patience to wait for it? Could I be the woman to help him steward the word of the Lord properly and correctly? Could I be the woman who has a husband who receives direction to leave a place of familiarity and help my husband walk forward in absolute and unrelenting faith in obedience to the Father?  (See Genesis 12)
 
What if God sent me David?
A man after God’s own heart but had a past of infidelity, adultery, and murder? Clearly, this man was chosen by God but had a past filled with all sorts of things that would cause many to question his qualification to be used by God. Could I be the woman to help purge the record that holds his confidence hostage and loves him for who He was called to be, not who He used to be? (See 2 Samuel 11)
 
You see, if we continue to believe that we are only created to marry a Boaz, we will be conditioned to believe that he will come perfect and not flawed. We will be conditioned to believe that all of the responsibility will be on him to be perfect, all while forgetting the grace it takes for us to love the man we come into covenant with. What if you position yourself, glean in your field, wait on the threshing floor and the Lord sent you a man mentioned above?  Would you have been so occupied in being found by perfection that you forfeit the man that was created to help you do destiny and purpose with and you the same for him? So, go on, keep waiting for your Boaz. I can assure you, I won’t be doing the same. I’ll be too busy praying that my heart is prepared for the encouraging, pouring, sharpening, and purging that I may have to do with my David, Abraham, or Elijah.
 
Take Heed & Live Free,
Chelle
 
Richelle is Florida-native with a heart for all things Jesus and loving on people. Her passions include counseling, writing, hanging out with friends, family, and cooking! She hopes that in presenting her scars and giving others the courage to reveal their own that it would ultimately put the Father’s love on display to transform, heal, and completely restore! Find Richelle over at her blog www.showthosescars.com.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

4 Stages That Take Place When You Fall For a Counterfeit

Happy couple dating and flirting and holding hands together in a coffee shop with a sunset light outdoor in the background
As a single Christian waiting on God’s best, there are many times when we come into contact with others who are not in God’s will. Anyone who comes along with potential but does not align with God’s purpose for our lives is known as a counterfeit. Counterfeits appear to seem right but in reality they are fake and misleading. As believers, Satan sends counterfeits into our lives in order to throw us off track from God’s plan. An example from scripture is the serpent that is sent to Eve in the garden. The serpent makes an appearance very early on and goes to work from the beginning. God’s plan for humanity was interrupted because Eve was enticed by the serpent and believed his lies that ultimately led to destruction.

Throughout the Bible we see other examples of counterfeits as well as warnings against involving ourselves with them. Proverbs 16:25 says “There is a way which seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of death.”

Coming from personal experience, here are the 4 stages that took place for me when I fell for a counterfeit.

  1. Attraction. Attraction is the first step and most dangerous because it will open the door to further deceit. Often times our attraction toward someone can be based off of lust that has taken root in our heart and we can become attracted to someone’s physical appearance as well as the accessories that come with them. In my experience of a man I dated, I quickly became attracted to his appearance as well as his money, car, home, materials, and lifestyle. I was very attracted to his possessions which later on allowed me to realize that lust for worldly desires was the main cause of my attraction.

    2. Blindness. Once a strong attraction develops you may begin to ignore any warning signs that this person is not right for you because you have become emotionally attached. Having a strong emotional attachment will blind you to the warning signs and you will become desensitized to them. Being blinded to warning signs due to your emotions leads to a false reality. The guy I dated had many things that attracted me to him, but in reality there were several red flags that I noticed. Because of my attraction to him and the way he made me feel, I began to ignore the red flags and pursue a relationship based off of the strong feelings that had taken over.

  2. Commitment. After your emotions take control and you become blinded to the red flags, commitment follows. Men will do nice things for women such as take them out on dates or buy them expensive gifts. Because of the things he has done for you, you may begin to feel like you owe him yourself. You may start to feel pressured and give in to things you know that he wants and start to regret it. The guy I dated took me out, bought me things, which in return made me feel as though I owed him back and needed to commit to him.

  3. Entrapment. Over time, more things about this man will be exposed and who he truly is will be brought to the surface. The red flags that you ignored earlier will become alarms that are going off in your mind. Commitment will eventually turn into a relationship that you become trapped in. You have become so emotionally tied to him that you feel like you can’t live without him, but become more aware that this man is a counterfeit and being involved with him is only hurting you. I eventually came to the realization that I needed to stop ignoring the red flags so I could save myself. I began to feel trapped because my emotions kept me there. I did not want to be involved with this man anymore. Our lifestyles did not match up, he was not what I wanted, he did not value me like he should have, and was attempting to lead me to sin instead of drawing me closer to God.
These are the dangers I experienced when I fell for a guy who was not right for me. Many women are trapped in toxic relationships due to lack of wisdom and discernment from the beginning. This is why it is so important to guard your heart against potential men with no purpose for your life. Always remember to rely on wisdom, not feelings. Feelings and emotions are temporary but wisdom lasts forever and keeps us from falling.

Categories
Home Single

4 Dangers of Waiting On a Man

I can remember at one point in my life where I was waiting on man. I was waiting on him to grow up, to choose me. I can even remember telling myself, once he gets it all out of his system then he’ll be ready to settle down. I even prayed to God about him.Why do we do that ladies? Why do we sit around and wait on a man? We wait on a man. Then we wait for him to propose. Then we wait for the wedding.
I engage with women quite often and it saddens me to hear that they are just waiting on a man to come or waiting on a man they’ve already committed themselves to. Well I’m here to tell you ladies, that your life is about more than waiting on a man.
Here are some dangers of waiting on a man:
1. Missing the Will of God. You know, purpose, destiny. You don’t want to miss that, not for a man especially. It’s important for you to have your own dreams and vision. Use all that energy you’re exerting waiting on a man, begging for a man and thinking all day about a man on something more productive like that dream you’re always dreaming.
Don’t let all your “waiting” have you miss out on what God has for you in this current season. Maybe He needs you single to build you up and draw you close to Him. He could also have a new job for you, or He could have a ministry He’s birthing on the inside of you. He could be providing funds to go on that once in a lifetime trip, but you’ll never know any of this if your focus is on being with a man.
2. Complete Waste of Time. If you know anything about time, you know you can’t get it back. So why waste it? Time is a precious commodity and you want to be sure to take advantage of the time you have. The bible says in James 4, “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”  We have women out here waiting 10 years for a man. Contrary to popular belief, men know exactly what they want and if by some slim chance they don’t, trust me when I say this, they know what they don’t want. Ladies stop allowing yourself to be bamboozled, tricked, and hoodwinked. While you’re waiting, they’re living.
3. Leads to Desperation. I remember the days I use to be so desperate for a man’s attention, it would drive me to do the most unladylike like things. I was discounting myself and lowering  my standards and that’s dangerous. Truth be told, no man wants a desperate woman. Understand this, your desperation actually pushes men away versus drawing them near.  Desperation will have you doing anything just to get a man.
Chasing a man is not winning. The only thing you win is the loss of your dignity. Confidence is knowing your value instead of expecting a man’s love to provide you with value. Sis be anxious for nothing, be desperate for only God. Allow Him to satisfy your desires. God actually desires for us to be utterly dependent upon Him.
4. Loss Of Identity. While finding your identity is an evolution, we shouldn’t push that aside for the sake of  a relationship. This is exactly how some of us end up as longtime girlfriends or live in lovers, because we were never rooted in who we were created to be to begin with so we just partnered ourselves with some random dude. A random dude is not the man God prepared for you. When you’re rooted in your identity, you wouldn’t dare wait on a man that can’t see you for who God created you to be. Knowing your identity helps you make better life choices.
Don’t get me wrong ladies, waiting is something we will have to do from time to time but, you should never wait on a man if it cost you yourself. That’s too high of a price to pay.
 
 

Categories
Single

Why It's Important to be Deeply Rooted In God Before Entering a Relationship

Interview by Habiba Abudu
 

Habiba Abudu had the pleasure of interviewing Sopha Rush, who is inspiring thousands of women with her Instagram(@livedeeplyrooted), Youtube (livedeeplyrooted) and Blog (livedeeplyrooted.blogspot.ca). Rush emphasizes the fact that it’s most important to have a relationship with God before starting one with a man. Her life is a testament of God’s faithfulness as she served God diligently before meeting her husband, Anthony Rush, in college. Currently, Rush works with foster children in St. Joe’s Children’s Home in Louisville, Kentucky. Aiming for the top, Sopha has a passion for mentoring the younger generation and is constantly pursuing new endeavors. 
Habiba Abudu (HA) : You often discuss your prolonged singleness in order to marry the person God has for you. Why was that important to you and what kept you focused during that season of your life ?
Sopha Rush (SR): During my season of singleness, I promised myself that I would not jump into a relationship with just anyone. Trying to force something that God didn’t put together. I knew I wanted my next relationship to be my last so I was in no rush to start dating.  After my last
relationship (before meeting Anthony), I wanted to make sure that my relationship with God, was not put on the “back burner”. I wanted to make sure I was confident in who I was in Christ. If my relationship with God was not right, how would He honor me and my desires? I had to get my priorities straight which is what I did during my singleness and I don’t regret the wait one bit.
 Live Deeply Rooted 2
HA: On your social media feed you emphasize self – love. Were you always assured of yourself and what has helped you become confident in yourself ?
SR: Yes, I speak highly of self love. If you don’t fully love yourself, how do you expect to know what you truly deserve? Was I always assured of myself? No, not at all. That’s the beauty of the journey. Discovering who you are and learning more about yourself. What helped me become more confident in myself was understanding where my worth comes from. Knowing God’s truth about who I am, made me love myself (as a daughter of His). For He sees me as royalty and because of that, I am confident in who I am.
sophashoes
HA : What are some things you wish you knew, now that you are married?
SR : Well, this is a funny question to me. I don’t really think you can ever be prepared for marriage. It’s all a learning process. Before marriage, we both attended pre-marriage counseling. (Despite attending counseling) we still had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. It’s a beautiful thing, being married, but it’s requires work, effort, and commitment. It takes two to make a marriage successful. Of course, we are human so we fail
and disappoint each other at times. But, we forgive each other. A lot of grace and patience keeps us sane. I don’t wish I would have known anything before I got married because we both have learned so much along the way…just growing together every day.
inspiresopha
HA : Has being multi – raced ever been a source of discomfort for you? How do you embrace both cultures?
SR : Yes, I am indeed bi-racial. I like to think of myself as a melting pot. My mom is half Cambodian, half Thai. My dad is black and white. When I was in high school, I experienced discomfort in embracing my differences. I attended a predominately white school so there weren’t a lot of people that looked like me. I tried to mask a lot of who I was because I had no one to show me that being different was okay. It wasn’t until college that I learned how to truly love myself. After I embraced my uniqueness, I was so in love with the way God made me. I stopped trying to be like everyone else. I loved me for me! Of course, it’s a continual process of learning new ways to love myself.
Screen Shot 2017-04-18 at 7.00.32 PM
HA : What are some long – term goals that you have for yourself ?
SR: I have so many long term goals I would love to accomplish! A few include : starting a family with my husband, becoming debt free by 2018, buying our first home together. I am currently working on a book that I would love to get published in the next year. Also, being able to travel with my husband to a new country. I would love to become an entrepreneur by the age of 30. These are just a few of my goals, I have so many.
godisdope
HA : Why was purity important to you? How did you and your spouse maintain a high standard of purity?
SR : My purity was important to me because I made a vow between God and I, that I wanted to save myself for marriage. I wanted to give a gift
to my husband that was only for him. Purity was important to him, because he knew how much it meant to me. My husband wasn’t a virgin when we met, but because he respected me, he waited 3.5 years until we got married. He protected me and loved me enough to wait – that spoke volumes to me. In order to keep a high standard of purity, we had to set boundaries and keep in the forefront of our minds that the end goal was marriage. We had to stop kissing (tragic I know) and set limits on how late we could see each other. It was so hard, but man was it worth it. He was worth it.
sopharush
Habiba Abudu is a writer based in Toronto, Canada. She loves writing, exploring and eating good food. You can find her at www.habibaabudu.com, www.facebook.com/habibadoesthings, on Instagram @therealhabibaabudu. Stay tuned for Tickle Me Fancy.

Categories
Communication Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

3 Habits to Maintain Integrity In Your Marriage

Beautiful young couple is talking and smiling while sitting on sofa at home. Man is holding a cup

So what does it mean to be a man or woman of integrity?  The meaning of integrity comes from the Latin adjective ‘integer’, which means “soundness or wholeness.” This translates to husbands and wives being honest and having strong godly principles.  When integrity is present in your marriage, there is an alignment between your relationship with God and actions towards your spouse. Here are some simple habits that can help you maintain integrity in your marriage:

1. Be Trustworthy. 2 Corinthians 4:2 says that “we refuse to wear masks and play games. We don’t maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don’t twist God’s Word to suit ourselves.  Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open.” In marriage, integrity proves your motives and opens the door to cultivating trust. Being authentic and trustworthy is the key ingredient to building love and respect between you and your spouse. Building integrity is a plus because it creates a determination for you and spouse to stick to godly standards, even when it’s hard or not a popular stance.

2. Live Your Values. What are your core values? Do your motivating factors in your marriage match God’s principles? Are you the same person in private as you are in public? Proverbs 11:3 says that “the integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” These are questions to consider because your values affect your marriage. What we do in private reflects our heart’s condition.  Holding yourself accountable, developing sound values, and communicating those values will speak volumes of your integrity in your marriage. Remember, living out your godly values is key to walking the talk of integrity.

3. Protect Your Marriage.  Integrity protects the health of your marriage, where your spouse gains confidence in the consistency of your integrity and behavior. However, when the integrity of your marriage is compromised, it can create a threat to the success of your marriage that damages the climate of trust in your marriage. Husbands and wives protect their marriage by maintaining a willingness to share their deepest feelings, desires, concerns, and hurts.

God is glorified and delighted as we pursue integrity.  The value of maintaining integrity in your marriage is important because it is the glue that holds you and your spouse together. Using these simple habits in tandem with continued development of godly character, will help you maximize integrity for marital growth.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Punk'd!

Dating couple tourists eating waffles on date enjoying food snack. Romantic man and woman laughing having fun outdoors. Multiracial couple, Young Caucasian man and Asian woman.

by Joy Oguntimein
How cool would it have been to be Ashton Kutcher walking into the tent shouting “You just got punkd!”  the morning Jacob woke up and realized he married Leah and not Rachel. That ‘lil love bird got played!!
 
Some of us are punking our future spouses. It’s been months since the first date, yet we’re still only allowing the other person to see a version of us that’s been cropped, edited, and filtered.  We hide any evidence of our imperfections so we can earn the “married” badge.
 
Honey, lean in for some truth. We can’t live life in bondage, afraid of people not liking the real us. If we are going to have any real happy, in our happily ever after stories, then we need to practice being real in our relationships now, with our family and friends. 
 
One of the most important things you can do in your marriage-Be Yourself!  Being yourself is a habit developed over time; not magically when you say I do. Here are a few tips for being your authentic self:
 
 1. Be Authentic.  DUH!  Yes, start here.  Start by being honest about what you like, what you don’t like, what you value, and how you’re feeling.
While we all have an innate desire to be accepted and loved by others, we need to belong in communities that value us and our unique contribution. If people only want to accept the person you pretend to be, then they are not accepting you. 
 2. Be grateful for the amazing and unique being you are.  Be open about your faults and weaknesses.
When we present a facade of who we are, we don’t give people the opportunity to love us completely. Your future partner can’t connect with you if they can’t see the real you. Don’t get caught up trying to be someone else that you forget how special you are, flaws and all.
 3. Be courageous enough to be vulnerable.  Whether a parent, sibling, prayer partner, etc.  you need at least one person (preferably 2) you can be vulnerable with.
We should invest in the relationships that allow us to share both our pleasure and pain.  Let’s invest in the people who are open to seeing the behind the scenes footage, not just the highlight reels posted on Instagram.  We need intentional, genuine, and consistent community that comes through being ourselves.
Want real love?  Then bring the real you to the relationship. To find, keep, and build a lasting love,  be you.  Free yourself and rest in the truth that you’re loved by Jesus, with all your brokenness, gifts, flaws, positive traits, and weirdness.
 
Unless you’re a professional actor/actress, you will not win an Academy or Emmy for impressing other people with your ability to be someone besides yourself.  This is real life, not a reality TV show.  So, let’s stop faking, and be the real, authentic people God has created us to be.  When you do, you’ll be building a foundation for a strong, healthy relationship.1

Categories
Home Single

Christian but Not a Virgin: Am I Damaged Goods?

Portrait of young african american looking through a window.

The Church taught me at an early age “SEX IS A SIN”!!!! Quite frankly I grew up thinking SEX was the “sinniest sin” of all sins! There was no turning back, purity was the only way! Once you lost it, you couldn’t get it back. Sure, you could claim to be a “born again virgin” but at the end of the day… you were no longer a “Virgin”. I can only speak for myself when I say I felt like “damaged goods” after giving myself to someone who CLEARLY wasn’t worthy.
Let’s fast forward to when I rededicated my life to Christ, finally waking up and smelling the roses. Kicking it with a group of friends, one who I looked up to said “Are there no Christian Girls in Chicago who are a Virgin, I don’t want a girlfriend someone else had”. Although that statement was not directed toward me, I was apart of the population of girls who fit into that “category”. I, for some reason, internalized his statement and thought, “no real Christian guy will ever want me”. While my friend meant no harm, his statement reinforced the idea that “non-virgins” were damaged goods. It played on my self esteem for quite sometime, until one day I was reminded of who I am in CHRIST.
With all of that being said I’m here to remind you…. YOU ARE NOT…DAMAGED GOODS! While sex is a sin that comes with many lurking consequences (like every other sin), it doesn’t define who you are, who you’ll be, nor where you’re headed in life! Many of us can quote 2 Corinthians 5:17 verbatim, [(NLT) this means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!]. But how many of us allow those words to penetrate our hearts? I know I didn’t.
Beyond the fact that we are NEW CREATURES, God has already forgiven you and forgotten about your imperfect past. Don’t believe me? Check this out “Isaiah 43:25 “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.”The bible lets us know we have not only been forgiven of our sins, but they have been forgotten and we are brand NEW! Typically, nothing new is considered damaged goods (just saying).
Here’s a word of encouragement, stop letting your thoughts (and others for that matter) rob you of your new identity in Christ! If God has forgotten about it, why in the world would you allow anyone else to hang it over your head! YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! God has so much in store for you! You, my love, will reap the benefits of making a decision to live your life for Christ! Your past wont invade your future…wait…what past? God forgot all about that. I write these things to you because it’s what I wish someone would have shared with me in my season of feeling like “damaged goods”.
Here’s to an amazing future spent accomplishing all that God has for you, to acquiring the desires of your heart (including marriage and children), and taking nothing from the past but the lesson(s) that were gained. From one princess to another, you are ROYALTY, NOT DAMAGED GOODS (1 Peter 2:9)!
With Love,
Shannon Colar

Categories
Home Single

How Long Will I Be Single?

Black woman crying outdoors

Would you be surprised if I told you that every single person that desires a mate, ponders this question? I pondered this question often. I grew frustrated, anxious, and sometimes concerned. I just wondered if God had a mate in the plans for my life. Can I let I let you in on a secret? I have discovered that one of the greatest gifts that God develops within us while we are single is the gift of patience.
I was a very impatient person. I wanted everything right then. I hated waiting on things, people and even results. I needed everything quick, fast and in a hurry.
So when God requested that I stop dating my way and trust His way, I often grew impatient with the process. What I found so amazing about my single season is that God didn’t share with me how long I would be single.
But if God would have told me, there would be no reason for me to trust in His word. I had to trust in God and know that the plans that He had for me would not harm me but give me a hope and a future. I had to allow God to teach me and even lead me through my season of singleness.
I would often become anxious about being single because I would look at others around me who were getting engaged or married. There were times that I was envious of others relationships. I wanted to go ahead of God and make things happen on my own. But God would stop me in my tracks and remind to wait on Him because it would be so worth it.
I hear singles all time saying “How long will I be single?” Although it’s a valid question. It’s also is a question that reflects that we are growing impatient in the process of waiting on God. I think often we view our season of being single as an affliction, when in actuality it’s a blessing to be single. It’s a gift from God.
Now that I’m married, I realize that God was preparing me for what was to come. I had to learn how to be patient, so that I could be patient with my husband. Patience is not always developed for relationships but the many trials that may come our way in the future.
By embracing the gift of patience God blessed with an amazing husband. I’ve even learned how to be patient in those dry seasons of my life.
I encourage my single sisters and brothers to patiently wait on the Lord. Yes, I know it can be a tough season. But I want to let you know that it’s so worth it to patiently wait on God to bless you with your mate.