Month: June 2014

Categories
Engaged Finances Marriage

3 Ways to have a Financially Blessed Marriage

Being financially blessed is a desire of all couples in order to provide for their families, enjoy life, and prepare for the future.  Here are 3 ways to have a financially blessed marriage.
1. Pay God First
After watching my mom pay God first each Sunday at church my entire childhood, I was so excited to do it once I started making my own money. God has shown Himself faithful in this area of my life more times than I can count. I remember my first time seeing my older brother ride his bike without training wheels. It was so cool, and I instantly wanted to do the same. I jumped on it and crashed.
My dad came over to me and said, “Jamal you need to learn how to ride on the training wheels before you move on to the big boy bike.” I would practice every day until I felt I was ready to do it again. This is the same with paying God first.   He has set it up that we learn how to pay Him first in order to preserve our hearts from money becoming our god which results in us crashing with bad finanical decisions.
 Matthew 6:24, “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other or else He will hold to the one, and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.  
My goal was not to stay on the training wheels, but to one day be able to ride freely without any assistance. Which is living a generous lifestyle. I believe with all of my heart the reason my wife and I have seen our finances blessed is because we have faithfully paid God first.  
Pay God first by setting aside 10% out of each paycheck and  giving it at church! 
From full college scholarships, vehicles paid off, promotions at work, supernatural wedding, and much more. Have there been hard times? Absolutely. But, those hard times simply remind us of who are source of happiness is, His name is Jesus.
 
2. Give Generously 
I remember a dear friend of mine was getting married and I had a sincere desire to pay for his honeymoon. I believed by faith that sowing into his honeymoon, I would reap it when my time came.
Well, majority of our wedding was covered through generous blessings, but our honeymoon came fully out of my pocket. Not being ungrateful, but the thought did come to my mind to why my seed sowed didn’t reap a harvest there.
Well, fast forward to almost a year later (the present). A few weeks ago a friend of mine called me asking if we were planning our one year anniversary to which I replied, “yes!” He then said, God laid it on my heart to pay for you and Natasha’s 1 year anniversary vacation. I almost did two back flips because not at all was I expecting him to say that!
Sowing and reaping is a biblical principle you can be sure God stands by, but He doesn’t do it on your terms.
I encourage you and your spouse to develop the passion for giving generously which is over and above your 10% given to your local church to others and watch God work on your behalf.
You’re blessed to be a blessing!
2 Corinthians 4:12, “Whatever you give is acceptable if you give it eagerly. And give according to what you have, not what you don’t have.”
3. Spend Righteously
You do not own your money, and I pray your money doesn’t own you. God is the one who enables you to wake up each morning, go to work each day, and come home to enjoy the work of your labor.   If you agree, then you are not the owner, but a manager of your income.
“The Earth is the Lord’s, and all it contains, the World, and those who dwell in it.” Psalm 24:1  
With the understanding that your money is God’s then we should spend it the way God desires for us to spend it. Spending righteously simply means spending wisely. According to the parable of the talents, God illustrates His desire to cause increase to those who are good stewards of what He entrusts them with.
When you have been faithful with few, God will then entrust you with much. How are you and your spouse spending after you have paid God first, paid your bills, and paid yourself? Are you tracking where your money goes, investing in wise investments, and preparing for the future?
My wife and I have two different relationships with money. She spends on small things constantly, and I spend on big things once in a while. We’ve had to learn how to work as a team in order to live the life we desire to live and be a good steward of what God has given us.
 
1.  How do you and your spouse manage your finances in your home?
2. What are somethings you and your spouse have done to have a financially blessed marriage?

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home

If You Ain't Married You're Not Doing It Right

For Men
Be a man
Set the standard
Do not complain about the way she dresses, acts and talks
Because, it’s your fault
It’s because you let her
My bad
Did I say let her?
I meant to say lead her
To believe
That she’s only beautiful scantily clad looking ready to conceive
Let her be free to be your queen to be
And she’ll  treat you like a king
I promise, to keep her, you won’t have to be mean
Stop being weak, stop being lame
Be a man, it’s all your responsibility take onus take the blame
If you respect her, you respect yourself
And plant seeds of wealth
If not for you, then the next guy
Show her how not to fall for lies
Be a man, live with integrity
What you get is what you see
It’s not my words but my actions that are really me
Be her brother, be her friend
If you do, both hearts will mend
Don’t aimlessly spread your seed
Closely guard your legacy
It’s not about you it’s about we
Keep the faith
Keep up the fight
If you ain’t married you ain’t doing it right

For Her
You thought he’d stay if you gave it away?
But that’s precisely why’s he’s leaving
It didn’t work with Ricky, Bobby, Sean, Paul or even Steven
Insanity
Try something new
Date you
Learn how to treat you
Fall in love with you
You are worth so much
At least that’s what He said
You are fearfully and wonderfully made
Do not settle for less
Let Him bless you with your fairy tale
Never stop believing
Expand your horizons even
I’m sure you’re realizing
Such strict discrimination is unconstitutional and delusional
I know it’s not fair
But stick to God’s plan He’s painfully clear
Find the one who’s in Him
But you say he’s just a friend
Give him a chance I’m sure your heart he’ll mend
You don’t have to be clever
It’s not hard, there’s no secret
Marriage is friendship forever
It is what it is
Don’t you want to have kids?
Please, don’t do it alone
I’m begging you to find a king with whom to share the throne.
Keep the faith
Keep up the fight
Because if you ain’t married you ain’t doing it right

Categories
Parenting

What It Takes to Raise Children Today

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Physical Intimacy

Sex Before Marriage: 6 Reasons Why and How to Prevent It

To recap from my last post (click here) in The Lady in Waiting series, Ruth had been found by Boaz (Naomi’s relative) and was given much favor from him. Naomi knowing the Jewish custom instructed Ruth to lay at Boaz’ feet as a sign of subjection to him as her next of kin.
It was not an act of seduction but an act of obedience to a foreign custom to preserve her deceased husband’s name and memory. She could have acted inappropriately with Boaz but she innocently laid at his feet. Boaz being the honorable man that he was, sent her on her way with his word that he will be her redeemer (obligation to redeem a relative in serious difficulty). Ruth being the virtuous woman was praised and complimented by Boaz. He respected her and was eager to be her husband.

 11 And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character. 12 Although it is true that I am a guardian-redeemer of our family, there is another who is more closely related than I. 13 Stay here for the night, and in the morning if he wants to do his duty as your guardian-redeemer, good; let him redeem you. But if he is not willing, as surely as the Lord lives I will do it. Lie here until morning.”

(New International Version, Ruth 3:11-13)
 

The customs of this biblical time may seem hard to understand but the temptations that they faced are not anything foreign. Ruth’s husband died and she was a single woman living with her mother-in-law. I am sure she longed to have a warm body next to her every night. I am sure Boaz was attracted to this beautiful young woman. There had to be some restraint taken at that moment that he realized she was laying at his feet. They waited until they were married to show their love to each other.

According to this article, 95% of respondents in their study have had sex before marriage by the age of 44. They concluded that almost all Americans have had sex before marriage. This is not surprising to me. Abstaining from sexual intercourse is not the norm in our culture.

Being sexual and sensual is praised these days. We are bombarded with images, songs, hot topics, and news about celebrities and their sexy lifestyles. If you want to be one of the 5% you will have to know your redeemer Jesus. I’m talking a true relationship! If you happen to be in the 95%, it is not too late for you. The Lord can and will redeem you.

My husband and I were of the 95% but had decided to wait until we were married to have sex again. We did not want to give room to the enemy in our relationship. Thank the Lord we were engaged for only 9 months because it was difficult, especially since we were not virgins. I am so glad we waited because sex blessed by God is amazing and does not compare to anything I experienced in the world.

If you are still a virgin, please, please, I beg you to wait until you are married.  It will be hard but it is not impossible. The consequences of premarital sex are emotionally, physically, and spiritually damaging. Believe me, even though redemption is always waiting, I could have done without the purging process of those sexual encounters. Here are six ways to help you stay pure.

  1.  Be on guard

Turn off those songs, stop watching that tv show/movie, don’t take a second look, and stop that conversation and text. You know will know to “shut it down” when you feel conviction or uncomfortable. Do not ignore those feelings because these actions will plant seeds of impure thoughts in your mind and heart

2.     GET UP AND GO HOME!!

Don’t linger over his/her house too long. You know when you are feeling “some kind of way” so this is the time when you should leave.

3.     Call on a friend

Have someone you can talk to and confide in when you need encouragement or needing support.

4.     Get involved

Occupy your down time by doing activities that you love. Have fun while you are single! Go on that trip, enroll in that class, go to that festival and enjoy life.

5.     Develop your relationship with God

Be honest with God and cultivate your unique relationship. Pray, Study, Cry, Scream, Sing, and Laugh during your intimate time with the Lord. Just let go! He is our first love. This blessed me during my purging stage. I was open with Him and to Him.

6. Tell yourself “It’s not worth it!”

One night of counterfeit passion is not worth causing distance between you and Jesus, ruining your relationship with him/her and sinning against your body. He created this beautiful act of love for marriage and He wants you to experience it His way.

 
On behalf of Married and Young, I will be blessing someone with this book. In order to enter into the drawing you have to do two things:
 

  1. Follow Married and Young on Facebook
  2. Commented on at least one of the 4 posts of the Lady in Waiting Series on Married and Young

 

Categories
Marriage

10 Things I Adore about Marriage

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

The Purpose in Waiting on God for Your Spouse

​We often hear people say “Singles need to wait on God”, but what does it mean to wait on the Lord as it pertains to relationships, dating,courtship and marriage?
One definition of “Wait” is “To stay in a place or remain in readiness or in anticipation (until something expected happens or for someone to arrive or catch up); to be ready or at hand”.
Sometimes when the word “wait” is heard it is interpreted as staying in a position or doing nothing until a certain time or until something occurs. However, when we use and hear the phrase “to wait on the Lord” it often requires specific actions or behaviors while we wait ”.
A key term used in the mentioned definition of wait is readiness. The word readiness is derived from ready which means to be prepared. Unmarried believers who desire to be married are taught to just wait on God until he sends their mate, attend church, stay saved and trust God to send their mate when he is ready.
The problem with this belief is that 9 times out of 10 God is waiting for unmarried believers to become ready to send their mate. Many men and women are waiting for the day when they will find their earthly love or be found but often miss the preparation stage which precedes being found or finding the right one. Waiting on the Lord to send a mate requires preparation.
The preparation stage which always precedes meeting someone, courtship and marriage but is often missed, ignored or ends prematurely. It requires both men and women who desire marriage to be delivered from strongholds that has the power to be detrimental to the individual, their purpose and others.
It requires, pruning, unlearning ungodly beliefs and generational dysfunctions, submission to God and his will for your life, healing from past relationships (if applicable), hurts, disappointments and receiving a level of restoration to become sober with a new mindset and Godly perspectives.
In the preparation stage girls are transformed into women and boys are made into men. Women learn how to become wives and men learn how to become husbands.
If you have taken the necessary time for God to mature, heal and prepare you to become a husband or wife refuse to settle as a result of being tired of waiting on the right one. Settling is proof that your trust is not in God to do what he has already promised you.
When your trust, faith and hope is truly in him there is no need or desire to settle! We begin to view waiting as a benefit instead of a curse, God’s timing as protection instead of a punishment and most importantly we understand we can not afford to settle for anyone who has the potential to compromise our purpose or future.
Until you understand the blessings in your “waiting season” you will never enjoy the quality of your life and purpose in being anunmarried believer! There is purpose in why you are still unmarried and until you discover it, chances are you will remain unmarried or settle for someone who was never intended to be apart of your life.
Your happiness or unhappiness as an unmarried believer is your choice. The choice is always yours to move prematurely into a relationship/marriage or to wait and submit to God’s timing for your future relationship and marriage.

Categories
Engaged Marriage

3 Actions that Can Destroy Your Marriage in the First Year

Categories
Engaged Marriage

The War On Marriage

Marriages are at war! I’m not referencing a struggle between husband and wife, although those do exist. I’m not talking about the pressures of kids, jobs, school, etc. that can strain a marriage.
I’m not even referencing the onslaught of divorce that has led to the demise of 51 % of marriages. Instead, I want to open our eyes to something altogether more insidious.
I love the United States of America! As the super power, there is no other place I would rather live. The personal allowances that this government has given to its citizens are often enviable to those around the world, which makes me proud of the nation’s contributions.
However, as the political, social, and economic backdrop of the US has changed, so has the value system and some may even say the moral code of our society; especially those beliefs rooted in the premise of “In God We Trust.”  These societal shifts have also played a part in the scope and frame of marriage. Let me explain…
Marriage, in the eyes of the Christian, believer, saint, or whatever name you want to give the followers of Jesus Christ is a Holy union that is unto God first.
The parameters by which this union is outlined can be found in scriptures such as Mark 10:6-9, Gen. 2:22-24, and many others that denote that marriage is between a husband (man) and wife (woman).
This sacred and covenanted agreement of man and woman was, in its intent, meant to give God glory through:

  1. Companionship for one another
  2. Love and affection by which we can understand how Christ loves his followers (the church)
  3. Reproduction (be fruitful and multiply)

These are tenants of God, of which are beyond contest.
On June 26, 2013, the US Government rendered the definition of marriage as “the union of two US citizens”. Not as a political comment, but worth outlining the elusive, yet effectively nuanced tactics of the enemy that has silenced the holy and covenantal elements of marriage and in effect is a right that can be granted by our country and not one that is granted, hallowed, and endorsed by our God.
Although the intention of state and federal government was to give equal right to all, the federal government has normalized marriage and placed it on the same plane as the right to protection, the right to vote, the right to own a home and other economic rights.  The definition of marriage has been changed, thus changing and challenging the sanctimony of marriage.
It makes it difficult to effectively fight for God’s right of marriage when the changing of the definition takes the focus off God and places it in man’s fallible and often sinful intellect.
Marriage has been under attack since the beginning of time and we must caution ourselves not to be overly logical and remain steadfast and unmovable in our prayers and examples of what marriage is. Let’s not become callous to the original intention of marriage and sit by idly while it is being diluted for purposes that are economic and social and not necessarily covenantal.
It is imperative that as a body of believers that we are on alert for cunning strategies that separate the people from God’s first institution. I challenge all of God’s people to be resolute in prayer and fasting that the leaders of our government will yield to the power of God, not the threat of losing votes.  Call upon the fire of the Holy Spirit to burn the iniquity out of the pillars in our communities and local, state, and federal government.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home

8 Boundaries To Consider When Starting a Courting Relationship

As I think about courting or dating, I think about all of the times that I have heard people tell me what I should and should not do for whatever reasons.
Then I start to think about the fact that what most people said was backed with wisdom, but lacked scriptural support.
I decided that I would create a list of my own dating expectations and back them with scripture just to make sure that what I was doing was based on the word and not solely on what someone else told me.
Now, before we jump in, let me forewarn you: I have a degree in theology and I completely understand the importance of using scripture in context. Due to the length of this article I will be using just one or two verses per section which will provide support for each point. I am not trying to exegete passages; I’m just backing my thoughts up. So drop your stones and jump into it!
1. No kissing, making out, rubbing, touching, etc. 
I started out with this one because I knew it would get the strongest reaction. I think it is amazing how upset we get when we feel like people are trying to be “fun snatchers” and give us a list of do’s and don’ts for our relationships.
Here’s the reality: the more upset you are with rules and boundaries, the more likely you are to end up with no boundaries at all, and in dangerous situations. I said this because naturally, your flesh gets bored and wants to go to the next level. If you start off kissing, you’ll end up doing way more before you put a ring on it.
2.     NO REARRANGING SCHEDULES JUST TO SEE OR TALK TO EACH OTHER
You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.
My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back from wandering will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins. (James 5:19, 20 NLT)
When you begin to rearrange your own schedule to fit his or her schedule, you run the risk of wandering from the things that God has you doing in this season. God has a purpose and assignment for each season of your life. When you adjust it, especially in the beginning of a courting relationship you can potentially get away from your assignment too early.
Chances are you won’t have to rearrange much to find the one God has for you. If you do not rearrange things in your life, especially in the beginning, you are still right on path if things do not work out between the two of you. Until things get to a place where more time is needed, you shouldn’t rearrange your schedules just to see or talk to each other. This includes keeping all curfews and time constraints if necessary. This protects us from wandering from our own truth and purposes.
3. FOCUS ON YOUR PURPOSE
Then the lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. (Genesis 2:18, 19 NLT)

Both parties must be intentional about remaining focused on their own particular purpose and assignment above the other person’s assignment up until engagement. God knew Adam needed a spouse, but gave him his purpose before giving him Eve
Purpose over everything.This point goes hand -in -hand with the last one. The difference here is that God knew about Adam’s need for a spouse. He told him [it’s not good for you to be alone, but, before I send her to you, I need you to first fulfill purpose.] Your spouse will not take away, but add value to the purpose that God has for you. However, you must allow them to remain  focused on their purpose during the courting process.
4. Hangout in well-lit areas in public places for accountability, As well as with groups if possible
For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all. (Luke 8:17NLT)
This just helps to maintain safety in your purity and your motives. Although we enjoy those darker, more romantic, sitting in the car talking, or in the movie theatre cuddling settings, it’s much safer if people can see you at all times.
I highly doubt that Potiphar’s wife would have been able to accuse Joseph of rape if they were in a well-lit area, surrounded by several people. Help yourself out and stay away from dark places.
5. No riding in the car alone with each other for any reason the only exception is if there are other parties in the car
Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18NLT)

I am sure that for this one you may say, “but what about dates?” Well, I am glad you asked. I know that I am nowhere near where I used to be pertaining to my struggle with lust.
However, I also know that the more I am alone with my girlfriend in a car the more I am tempted to have long conversations which could turn into more physical adventures. Maybe I’m over exaggerating but if you’re really attracted to someone, then good luck trying to not break boundaries. You can make it hard on yourself if you want, I’ll choose to RUN!
6. ALWAYS LET SOMEBODY ELSE KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AND WHEN FOR ACCOUNTABILITY
Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1, 2 NLT)
This just helps relieve some pressure off of you. If you are going out, just simply let a friend or two that know your current status, know where and when you are going.
This will help them to hold you accountable. They can simply text you later that night to ask you how it went and if you maintained your boundaries.  Just know the key to real accountability is honesty. Tell them the truth so they can help you remain pure.
Secrets usually show that you may not be in a healthy relationship anyways. So tell the truth.
7. GUARD YOUR HEART FROM BEING DISTRACTED
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (Proverbs 4:23 NLT)

Your heart determines everything about the direction of your life. When entering a relationship, it is easy to get caught in the feelings and emotions of the relationship.
If you allow your heart to be distracted and thrown off course, then you can potentially detour or prolong your journey to purpose. Just know that your heart determines the course of your life, so if you see yourself going in a different direction because of a relationship, you should reevaluate your heart
God has a plan and a purpose for you and if you are with the right person, they will not take away from purpose in your life.
8. DO NOT MARRY THE PERSON IN YOUR MIND BEFORE YOU SAY I DO AT THE ALTAR
Do not even say, ‘By my head!’ for you can’t turn one hair white or black. Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one. (Matthew 5:36, 37 NLT)
I have seen so many couples dating swear that they found the one, only to find out months later that it was just one of the ones you would try before you really met the one.
It hurts when I see people marrying the idea of a person. You then shut off the voice of God in regard to that decision. If he or she is the one, why do you have to keep convincing yourself or them that that is the case? You don’t.
Let God make that decision, just enjoy the process and guard your heart.At the end of the day it’s your life and your journey. I hope you enjoy it and enjoy the process of finding a spouse. Just do whatever you can to stay the course of your life.
When you get off course for someone else, it may not work the way you think it will. Keep Him first. He is the epitome of beauty anyways. If He is at the center, you are less likely to be MOVED by any other person. You may or may not think these apply to you… But I say, try them anyways!!!

Categories
Engaged Marriage Physical Intimacy

A Caution Against Adultery: The Big No No

From the desk of The Modern Day Cindi: There are few things worse that could happen in a marriage than the ones I classify on my list of “No-No’s”.
And for this article, it is imperative to address both married and single persons on one of the BIGGEST NO-NO’s: INFIDELITY aka ADULTERY!  Oh yes, adultery!
Now, it would seem that with such a great number of people who desire marriage it would be taboo to engage in or even entertain adulterous behavior— but it happens. Furthermore, most agree, if not understand, that cheating is wrong and unacceptable, PERIOD!
Cheating on tests gets you kicked out of class, cheating on your taxes gets you fined and possibly jailed, so of course cheating in your marriage would be equally weighty and for good reason.
Infidelity pokes a hole in a fortress designed by God to promote his kingdom on earth. And although governmental systems look at marriage as an economic and social institution, God looks at it as a covenant bond between two people that is sacred to which favor and destiny are connected.
So, is it our desire to mock the covenant of marriage when so many have hoped for it, believing that in it was a promise that only God could fulfill? Or is it that we have not taken time to evaluate the subtle triggers that push so many toward infidelity; specifically, how adultery penetrates marriages through social interaction, learned behaviors, family dynamics, mistrust, etc.?
Now for the sake of clarity, I do understand that for one reason or another people decide that the journey of marriage for the two together should end. However, it is important to expose the ploys many encounter regarding adultery despite their best intentions.
Bottom line: There is no biblical basis given to support adultery. Some of the falsities that society has succumbed to as a pass to cheat include: Separation (legally or otherwise e.g. living apart); Agreement to see other people; Disconnected emotionally; Disinterested physically; or, an Un-finalized divorce.
In Proverbs 5:15-23, the word admonishes us to use wisdom and not fall victim to adulterous ways. Here are 3 key reminders to consider if faced with an issue of infidelity.
1.     The principle of sharing is applicable to objects, not people.
Therefore, the thought that you as a single or married person would find comfort with someone’s spouse is objectionable. The best advice we had in our adolescence that applies to us even today is “Keep Your Hands to Yourself!” The minute that you find out that the person you are seeing is still married, is the minute that you should exit!!!
2.     Secretly or openly, cheating on your spouse (while living together or separately), and/or an agreement to see others while still married was not a part of the original design for  covenant and by default, mocks the union of marriage.
3.     Cheating is not just the form of physical intimacy- it goes to the depths of even emotion.
So yes, let’s count that emotional infidelity is just as bad as physical infidelity.  Any interaction, by design, that separates man from his wife or vice versa, is not of God and does not represent His love
Remember the heart can be deceitful above all things and emotions useless if not guided by the Lord. So, if you have found yourself in such a situation, get out now, repent, seek spiritual counsel, move forward and don’t look back! Be blessed!
Scripture references

  • Ex. 20:14
  • Proverbs 5:15-23
  • 1 Corinthians 7:2
  • Leviticus 20:10
  • Romans 8:1
  • Hebrews 13:4