Tag: godly

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Physical Intimacy Single Spiritual Intimacy

Three Signs You’re Ignoring That Your Relationship is Wrong

Years ago, when I was younger (too young), I was in a relationship with a girl of a different faith. Despite our different beliefs, we got along wonderfully. We made one another laugh, we encouraged each other when we were down, and we left God completely out of the relationship.
On a side note, “missionary dating” is not a thing. It is a distraction and an excuse for you to suppress the Holy Spirit. You hope that, by some miracle, your “light” for Jesus will draw them home, as you “minister” to him or her by leading them on. Let’s stop that.
Now, back to my story. One evening, I was home alone. The wind was howling, the freezing rain was pelting the windows, and the winter air was wafting under the door, and I had some scented candles lit for some ambiance.
I had just had a disagreement with my parents about this girl I was seeing who didn’t love Jesus. In spite of all of my reasoning, I just could not get that argument out of my head. To distract myself, I turned on the TV. The first channel that popped up was a Christian broadcasting channel. The first words that came out of that pastor’s mouth were something along the lines of, “You know when you’re disobeying God, so drop that sin, repent, and He will restore you!”
I glared at the TV and shot back, “I am not breaking up with Rebekah!” Instantly, the thunder quaked, the TV shut off, and a breeze blew through my living room, snuffing out the candles. The feeling of conviction and holy fear was overwhelming.
I broke it off with Rebekah.
Maybe you’ve been where I was, or know someone in that situation.
Stop assuming God is in your relationship if you have these three red flags:

  1. He or she draws out your sexuality over your sanctification. It was extremely easy to “shelf” my Christianity, because Rebekah knew what a teenage boy was after, and I had never been kissed. The human sex drive is a powerful function that God created, for marriage. The world wants us to sell out for a moment of pleasure. If this relationship ever—whether because of infatuation, sexual desire, or mere distraction—causes you to forget and abandon your First Love, God is not glorified, and this relationship is not from Him.
  2. You find yourself batting away caution on a regular basis. I’ve had it both ways: good and bad, in terms of relationships. With this ungodly relationship, I would enjoy being with this girl, laugh all the way home, and frown as I drifted off to sleep. When I was with the girl who is now my wife, we would worship together in the car; I would cover her and champion purity in our relationship, and I would go to bed at night, feeling closer to my First Love because of Sarah. If you are swatting at foreboding, convicting thoughts, you are in danger of hardening your heart and suppressing the Holy Spirit’s leading.
  3. Family, friends, and spiritual leaders warn you of the dangers of the relationship. Whether by mere outside perspective, spiritual discernment, or recalling their own past experiences, the godly people in your life who voice some red flags about your relationship are valid voices. They aren’t infatuated with the person, so they aren’t under the influence of adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin (the chemicals released in your brain when you fall in love).

God renews our minds to want what He wants. And it is so good. Please, don’t sell yourself short. Save yourself for Jesus and watch as He shapes your desires into un-shakeable standards, and then provides the mate to meet those standards!

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Single

What You Need to Know About Finding a Godly Husband

Attractive Afro-American couple using tablet, holding a cup and laughing while sitting on beanbag chairs against brick wall

 
They’re out there. Good men. Godly men. Real men. I know you’ve been burned, disappointed, disillusioned, even discouraged, but don’t be disbelieving. Unfortunately, you don’t hear this from mainstream media. Your wounded friends don’t tell you about the warrior-princes of the Kingdom, either. You may not even hear it from church! Men are either presented in our society as aloof, senseless buffoons, angry control-addicts, or sex-starved animals.
I want to assure you that these caricatures are not representative of Godly men who dream of being married, having children, and changing the world through Christ together. There is more. No, not all men are alike. No, not all men are pigs. As long as the world endures, there will be real men of God.
I hope these five tips will help you in your search for a Godly man:
 1. Pray. Many women I know tell me they have prayed specifically over their husband. They pray for his character, for his development into a man of God, and for overcoming his struggles. They pray over their husbands’ parents, friends, and influences. Some have even prayed for specific features, like hair and eye color! I think this is okay, but don’t get hung up on blue eyes if the Lord brings a brown-eyed man your way, who has the same values and goals as you. It is the heart of a man that God values and no one is more attractive than when the glory of the Lord shines through them (I Samuel 6:17).
2. Go where Godly men are.The truth is, you have to know where to find them. Godly men aren’t lurking in the places that the movies say they are. They aren’t occupying a barstool. They aren’t linking arms with multiple women at the clubs. They aren’t forgetting the name of the last girl from last night’s hookup.
They’re probably on their knees, praying for you.
 Don’t hide in your room and complain about not meeting anyone; go to the places you would want your husband to be found. Be active at church and church events. Bottom line: Godly men are seeking God. Seek God and you will find your husband. Wait on the Lord. I’m not trying to sound simplistic, but that is God’s heart for our lives: Seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)
3. Know who you don’t want. Define where your journey with the Lord is taking you, and determine to go there, not being distracted by people who will tie a weight around your ankles and deter you from your journey. Know what kinds of guys are dangerous to your relationship with the Lord. That being said, I have this caution: do not operate in a false spirit of discernment, wrongfully casting judgment on people in the name of “righteousness.” We can judge the fruit of one’s life, but we cannot see hearts. (Matthew 7:16)
4. Have Godly standards. To reiterate point #2, seek Christ yourself. Honor what God honors in a person. Be firmly rooted in your prayer life and Bible reading. Know how a Godly man honors a woman. Ask the Lord to search your heart and reveal any ungodly beliefs about Him and males in your life and ask Him to guide you.
5. Get ready. Pray for rain, and then grab your umbrella. Know how to manage finances, and how to manage your soul. Determine what you need to work on in yourself as preparation for merging your life to another human being. Pray, seek, fast. Thank God for who He has prepared for you. Rejoice that God’s ways are perfect!
 
 
 
 
 

Categories
Marriage Parenting

Women, When Is It Okay to Be Selfish?

 
As women we take on the burden of being everything to everyone. We wear multiple hats, sometimes one at a time, and at other times two and three hats all at once. We give and give and give of ourselves to ensure that the people around us are taken care of, loved on, nurtured, comforted, encouraged, provided for, and appreciated.
As mothers we will bend over backwards to chauffeur the children to school and practices, work on homework, volunteer at their school, and squeeze in some semblance of quality family time before bed. As wives we will make sure the house is clean, dinner is made, egos are stroked, the husband feels like “the man”, our “wifey duties” are handled, and all while maintaining the balance of being an independent woman with being a submissive wife.
And these are just our “home” hats.  We also wear the daughter hat, the sister hat, the auntie hat, the minister/ and or minister’s wife hat, the employee/ employer hat, and the friend hat.
 
With all that we have on us each day, how often do we take off all those hats and put on the “ME” hat?
Not often at all. We, as women, have become so consumed with the welfare of other people that by the time we get to ourselves, we are depleted of all energy, strength, and effort. It is in our nature to nurture, to help, to give, but it is always directed outward and hardly ever inward.
Pamela Hines writes in her book The Fabric of a Woman,  “Unfortunately, many women sacrifice their personal care, growth, or development because they devote all of their time and efforts to serving others… but how can we really give ourselves to our families, and to others who depend on us, if we fail to first take the time to get what we need?”.
You will be more of what everyone else needs you to be, including yourself, when you have properly tended to yourself.
It is ok to be selfish and have “ME” moments.
You will be happier, feel better, and be able to do more when you are at full capacity, but you can only be at your best if you place value on yourself enough to invest in yourself. When we constantly give out and never replenish, we have the potential to do more harm in our relationships than good. We begin to operate out of frustration, irritability, and resentment for others and for the job that we love. As women we tend to feel that it is not ok to take time for ourselves.
“Who will do it if I don’t?” “So and so needs me. I can’t say no”.  “Let me just do it so that it gets done”. We convince ourselves that we have to do everything because it’s our job to do it, but taking care of everything means taking care of ourselves as well.
 
Challenge yourself to be OK with having those selfish moments. Spend time doing something that makes you happy.  Give yourself what you would give to others… YOU.