Tag: dating

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

If God Is Faithful Then Why Am I Waiting?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Written By: Richelle Henry
I used to pray and be mad at God.  I was so mad at the fact that He wouldn’t listen to me concerning my future spouse anymore. I was so mad that, try as I might, He still wouldn’t give me what I wanted. I mean, I’ve been faithful. I cut off all those “randoms,” and I even stopped praying about it and I’m still here. Single.
 
How often have you felt the above? How often have you sat down and realized that the Lord was taking way too long? I mean, why would He promise you something and then make you wait? You did EVERYTHING He told you to do and still you find yourself upset, impatient, and feeling totally forgotten.  Well, I hear you!  I confess, I’ve shaken my fists at God on numerous occasions because I, like you, became tired of waiting.
 
I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve offered the Lord a few conditional prayers. You know, the “If you do this, then I will do this” kind of prayers. I’ve treated the Lord as though we’re simply business partners instead of realizing that we are in a loving relationship as Father and Child.
 
However, waiting on God, means waiting on the One who makes good on every single promise that He’s ever made. I know that you read that and probably sucked your teeth, because the statement sounds like a clichéd and repeated one. However, He fulfills His word. When I think of all the promises that He’s made concerning my life, the ones that He’s fulfilled and the ones that I’m currently awaiting fulfillment for, I realize that He is worthy of trust, because His character is trustworthy.
 
Often times, we take unfulfilled promises and use them to make tick marks on our “faithfulness of God” survey. You know, the imaginary scoreboard that we keep for God, as a method of measuring His faithfulness and ability.  We take visibility and manifestations of promises spoken as notches of glory that we ascribe only when evidence is found. We have become wearied waiters because we’ve been too busy contending with a truth that will never change and that truth is God and His faithfulness.
 
Honestly, we aren’t truly fighting God, because He has no worthy opponent—particularly not His creation. Again, I have wrestled with the idea that God is not faithful and concluded on different occasions that waiting is designed torment. But remember that even the best lie from the enemy cannot overstep the faithfulness and truthfulness of the Lord.
 
God is so sure when He speaks that He even swears by Himself when it comes to fulfillment (Genesis 22:16). Faithfulness isn’t just what He does, but it is every fiber of who He is (Hebrews 10:23).  May we hold fast in the weariness. May we rehearse His character despite our discomfort. May we remember the One who comes through. Every. Single. Time.
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Don't Lose You While Dating Them!

Group of friends celebrating on the beach in LA. Concept about friendship, good mood and people

Written By: Tatianah Green
Dating can be exciting, nerve wrecking, and even grounds for a good (or bad) story to share with friends later. But, how many of us consider how we date? Dating in this generation has a bad rep, but when you consider how you personally want to date and your reasons behind it, you can secure the types of dates and people you want to date without compromising what you truly want in life and love.
 
Consider these thoughts as you go into your dating season:
 
Check your motives
 
What is your intention and motives for dating this person? I know this may seem a little early to some in the dating process, but in reality, you should have an idea of why you are dating and more specifically, interested in dating this person you are seeing. Are you dating because you’re lonely? Do you want to date because of outside pressures to get out more? Do you want to date with purpose to connect with a suitable mate?
 
In 2018, we can’t just wing it out here guys. We should move with pure motives and heart so we don’t lead anyone on for the sake of just wanting to go on dates. Remember that people are not experiments, but humans who desire and deserve the same things that you’re praying for.
 
Dating is not a competition or job interview
 
Despite what we see on TV, dating is not a competition. You’re one of a kind and so is your date.  When you’re competing in dating, you lose focus on the individual you’re getting to know and focus more on the win, whatever that looks like to you. A competitive mindset robs you of the opportunity to truly get to know people for who they are instead of seeing them as potential threats to your goal.
 
Competing also takes away from you, constantly having to “prove” your desirability or qualities to be someone worth dating. If you have to do all of this for someone’s attention, straining yourself to be seen or gain approval from this person, then they may not be for you.
 
Like a job we really want, we may exaggerate some skills and even create new credentials to fit the requirements for that job. This definitely applies in dating, where it’s so easy to stretch the truth because you’re still in the early stages of learning about each other. Be sure to ask real questions and answer questions honestly.
You don’t want to lie that you’re into something to please your date.
Remember that you’re on this date too and need to vet them to see if they are someone you’d truly want to get to know, not because they’re the most eligible bachelor or bachelorette.
 
Be you all ways, always
 
Dating usually goes well in the beginning because the daters get along, have good conversation, and are respectful to one another, aka polite. Are you sure you were on a date with the person as who they are and not their representative? You can ask yourself the same question. Of course, early on in dating you tend to bring it in the looks, outfit, smell goods, talking topics, etc. But does your date get to see you authentically?
 
You’ve come a long way to develop your sense of self, personality, humor, intellect, interest, and passions. So why dumb down for anyone who doesn’t agree with those aspects of you in order to feel desired or wanted? Is the fear of not getting a date worth losing yourself in the process?
 
It helps to be yourself and not be so anxious to meet your date’s needs, because you’re not made to please man, but to please God.
 
When you walk in your true identity in Christ, you won’t lack confidence to be who you are on your dates instead of putting up a facade. Being yourself is a beautiful risk, because being true to who you are and who you serve will show in your walk and talk. It will draw the right people or deter the wrong people.
 
Don’t dim your light for a first date to get a second date, or at any time for that matter. No matter where you are in your single and dating season, it is rewarding to be true to yourself, unapologetically.

Categories
Dating/Courting

3 Ways To Make Your Social Media More Attractive

Happy woman busy sending messages on smart phone email icons flying out of cellphone isolated on gray wall background. Telecommunications, internet, data plan concept

 
Written By: Casey Sharperson
Blog
Sliding into DMs (Direct Message for those wondering) is a thing. It’s referenced in song after song. Yet many [Christians] wonder if it truly is a feasible option to garner dates or if it’s just a means for a quick hookup. While it’s a debated topic, for the sake of this post let’s proceed with the thought that DMs really are a legit way to meet someone.

Why?
Options. Just about everyone is online. This means there’s an entire world outside of your immediate circle. (shocker) We’re a social age, why not let Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook be the vehicles God uses to be your matchmaker?
 
Now that you’re open, here are 3 ways to attract the right DMs. While these tips apply to both men and women, ladies, let the man pursue you!
 

  1. Show your personality – Your social media is your opportunity for people and potential dates to get a snapshot of your life and your perspective. When people click on your profile, how do you come across? Feel free to ask your friends, coworkers, or community this question. What would they think about you, if they didn’t know you? If you love traveling, do you post about it? If you enjoy sports, is that portrayed? If you’re into social change, post it!
  2. Be authentic – Don’t fall victim to the idea that you have to post certain things ust to attract a certain type of person. Folks are perceptive and can tell when you’re false advertising. What’s worse is when someone does approach you and realizes that you’re a completely different person offline than you are online. Let’s stop trying to be perfect and just be real. (That’s a word!)
  3. Post Publically – Yeah, you may want to keep your page and your posts private from your grandma or employer, but private pages don’t get views. You know, after meeting, one of the first things that people do is check their social media. What if you’re tagged in bomb photos but your potential future date can’t click on your handle to see more? Just something to consider…

 
Think of your social media as your online dating profile/resume for whoever wants to find you. When it’s a reflection of who you truly are, chances are high that you will attract someone who’s interested in the real you. Remember, Colossians 3:17 NIV says, “And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father”.
 
Let’s talk about it. Leave a comment about your DM experiences. Have they been positive, negative, poppin, or dry?
 

Categories
Engaged Home Marriage

5 Things to Do While Engaged

I love you. Amazed surprised positive African American couple sitting in the cafe and being covered with a blanket while getting engaged

The average wedding in the United States cost $26,720.
Whether single or engaged we all have thought about what our big day will look like.
Love is beautiful, especially when you fall in love with the right mate that God has created for you. But the reality of marriage, is that it takes work to stay married.
My husband and I, married on March 11, 2017. We were excited about our BIG DAY. But we wanted our marriage to be more beautiful than our wedding day. To be honest, our wedding day flew by so fast. I woke up the next morning wanting a redo. Then, I thought for a minute – maybe not. It was a lot of work.
I said all that to say, don’t allow that day to become your main focal point that you miss the reason that God has joined you together. Don’t rush through the engagement season. There are some things that God needs to impart into your life, so that you make it to the altar. God just doesn’t want us to make it the altar and then we fail at staying married. Marriage is not just about surviving, but God wants us to thrive.
Life is going to become hectic with the wedding planning, but I want to encourage you to stay focused on the promises of God. I also, want you to enjoy your engagement season!
Here are 5 Things to Do While Engaged:

  1. Pre-martial Counseling. Don’t miss this step. PLEASE! This is necessary to help you improve your relationship before you get married. Topics will be discussed that you probably hadn’t put too much thought into before.
  2. Connection with other Married Couples. You need this. Spend time with other seasoned couples and allow them to share their truth about marriage. Hopefully, you partner with a couple that will be transparent about the good times and even the bad times that marriage can bring.
  3. Praying Together = Staying Together. Pray like never before. The enemy is going to attack you in this season. He doesn’t want to see you make it to the altar. Pray that God protect you from dangers seen and unseen and that he continue to keep a hedge of protection around your relationship. In Jesus name, Amen!
  4. Don’t Forget to Worship. Public worship is the best. Coming together on one accord to worship God is an awesome feeling. It brings you and your significant other closer together. Their love for God is what probably brought you two together in the first place.
  5. Spend Quality Time Together. Stay connected even though you may be excited about the BIG DAY ahead. Continue to court each other. Make sure you have Date Night in the midst of all the planning.

There was a reason that I shared the cost of the wedding at the beginning of this blog post. I don’t want to see you value you your wedding day, more than you value your marriage. Marriage can and will be beautiful when you put in the work to stay married.
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Married with Expectations

Unhappy couple at therapy session in therapists office

Many of us have expectations of what desire to see in a mate. Often our expectations are based on past experiences whether good or bad. Case in point, when I got engaged to my now husband, I had a long list of expectations for him. It was during premarital counseling that our pastor helped me too see that I hadn’t healed from past experiences.
After going through counseling, I realized that my expectations of my husband were ridiculous. I had to go back and remember the promise that God had spoken over my life. God told me before we started dating that he was my husband.
During our last premarital session, my pastor asked me what my expectations of my future husband were. I responded, “To love me like Christ loves the church.” Ephesians 5:25 At that moment all my walls came tumbling down, knowing that God wouldn’t bless me with a man that would intentionally harm me.  I also knew, that God wouldn’t give me a man that resembled anything like the men I had chosen before.
If I had kept my long list of expectations that I had before we got married, our marriage would be struggling to thrive. There are days that I still have to check myself so that I’m not expecting my husband to be like anyone else but the man that God has called him to be.
If you have a long list of expectations of your fiancé or husband, here are some questions to ask yourself:

  1. How did God manifest your courtship?
  2. How has God worked in your relationship prior to marriage?
  3. What obstacles or challenges have you overcome together?
  4. Why did you make the conscious decision to marry your spouse?

It’s okay to have standards for your mate but it’s not okay to have expectations of your mate. Your expectations can hinder your marriage from being purpose filled. If my husband had not met my standards, I wouldn’t have even dated him. He met my standards and actually exceeded them.
Expectations can become a burden in your marriage because you are expecting your spouse to act or respond in a certain way. It’s not fair to the person to set expectations on them. If they don’t meet your expectations you began view them in a negative light.
Your spouse isn’t a mind reader, so don’t expect them to know what you are thinking or even desire from them. Always remember that you are two imperfect people and you are not the same. There are going to be some imperfections displayed in the both of you. Don’t let that overpower that greatness that God has brought together. At the end of the day know that we serve a perfect God.
Throw the ungodly  expectations out the door and allow your marriage to thrive beyond what you could ever imagine.
I want to know your thoughts on this subject….Leave a comment below.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

5 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF AFTER A BAD BREAK-UP

Lonely young man looking at camera

First, I want you to know that you are not alone. Many people have suffered from bad break-ups – sometimes several bad break-ups; some have endured more than they would like to admit. After going through such pain, you have to ask yourself: Why? Why are you going through continuously toxic relationships and entering into them with wrong people? What are you learning from each of these experiences? The most important part of these situations is that you are gaining knowledge of yourself and that you are healing from each person that has hurt you before you pursue another relationship.
Healing takes time and going into something or involving yourself with someone new while broken or fragmented will only yield the same results. What are you doing to change your situation? What is God teaching you? I am a firm believer that God teaches us something from every situation we encounter and that there is a lesson in each experience.
Ask yourself:

  • Is the situation good or bad?
  • Is it a result of me following God’s will or my own will?
  • Or is it just a circumstance of life?

Why? The reason is that God is a teacher and He loves to teach us through experiences that will help us become better people; that will help us grow into His vision of us.
After a bad break-up, it is very important to reflect on what caused the relationship to be unhealthy. In most cases, relationships that end badly also started the same way. Evaluating your association will help you have a better understanding of why you participated in the relationship, in which areas you need to improve yourself, and what mistakes to avoid repeating in the future.
If you are like me, you don’t want to continuously experience the same awful cycles that often are the root cause of toxic relationships. Participating in back to back relationships and seeing the same results each time shows you that you are in a cycle!
In order to break free from the train ride of doom and set new standards for yourself, you need to ask yourself these 5 questions:
 1. What red flags did I decide to look past?
You should never go into any relationship with your feelings or emotions leading the way. By letting yourself be led by emotions, you become a target for deception. Being controlled by your feelings is equivalent to walking into a relationship blind. There are always red flags as to why someone isn’t good for you, and if you are not sober enough to recognize those flags, you will end up in a relationship that is based off your need for comfort and company.
 2. What part of me is broken that caused me to entertain wrongful company?
I’m going to piggyback off of the previous point. More often than not, people who are broken are willing to forsake the truth for comfort and company; they want to combat their loneliness. This reality can stem from a number of factors such as: lack of identity, insecurity, and unhealed wounds from past relationships. It is important to discover which areas of your soul still craves disastrous attention in order to uncover why you choose the mates that you do.
 3. Am I insecure?
The role of insecurity is to make you think you deserve less than what God wants for you; what He wills you to be. Insecurities block you from knowing and recognizing your worth. A person that is insecure will pursue and accept the wrong relationships. A secure person, in contrast, will understand that they are worth the wait, the pursuit, and will always uphold standards that they have set for themselves.
 4. Am I aware of my purpose?
If you are not aware of your purpose and your calling, you will more than likely date whoever seems most attractive. Those who understand their purpose will only entertain relationships that will comply with their calling on this earth. For example, if you desire to travel to many destinations over the course of your life, it wouldn’t be wise to begin a relationship with someone that does not like to fly in airplanes. Continuing to date someone that doesn’t match your future goals and God’s will is simply a waste of your time and theirs.
 5. Who am I?
This is a question that most people are not able to answer truthfully. I cannot stress enough the importance of knowing who you are before pursuing a relationship. Not knowing your identity will only hinder your association and cause more harm than good. If you are struggling to answer this question with detail and substance, you should honestly wait to pursue anyone other than God. The pursuit of God will uncover the answer to the most crucial question there is: Who Am I?
Now I admonish you to see the bright side of your break-up and make it work in your favor. Stop putting yourself through an endless cycle! It’s time to get off the roller coaster and focus on you. Answer the 5 questions listed and do the work needed to become your best self before deciding to share your heart with another again.

Categories
Communication Dating/Courting Single

I Think He’s The One…Or Is He?

538985

Have you found yourself going over a long list of qualities that you desire in a man?  Or have you met the one that you think is right for you, only to wonder if he is really the one God has sent?  Although you may have desires for your mate that are absolutes, the man that is perfect for you is the one that God has selected for you.
If you are in a place where you are in a new relationship or desiring one, here are 3 tips to consider to know if he is the one or not:

  1. Does he have passion for God? One way to know he is the one is seeing a true passion for God, where God is first in his life. If God is first, then he will respect your passion for God, morals, and values in the relationship.  The right one will not cause you to stray away from godliness (2 Corinthians 6:14). What does his prayer life, worship, and devotional life look like?  Take time to discern and make sure that the pursuit of God is the most important thing to ensure you are on the right path (Proverbs 3:5-6).
  2. Can you trust him? Trust is a huge part of being in a relationship. Communicating, making sure your actions match your words, and being integral are sure ways to measure trust and encourage the building of mutual love and respect (John 10:37). Here are some questions to consider regarding trust:
  • Does he protect you, cherish you, and support you?
  • Does he lead you with godly wisdom?
  • Are you comfortable sharing your goals and dreams with him?
  • Does he celebrate you as you fulfill your God-given destiny?
  1. Does he embrace your authenticity? A lot of times, women feel as if their past disqualifies them from a promising relationship with the one God presents. This is further from the truth.  The one that God sends will sharpen the authentic you through affirmation and support (Proverbs 27:17).  This means he is not ashamed of your testimony. In fact, he encourages the God in you to shine! You will know he is the one when he stays committed through all challenges and falls in love with you even more from it all (Romans 8:28).

Whether you are in a new relationship or desiring one, remember to pray and ask God if he is the one. Be open and follow whatever God speaks or shows you.  Are there any tips that you can add?  Please share!

Categories
Dating/Courting Marriage Single

I Called My Wedding Off: 4 Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine If He's the One-Part 2

355722

Welcome to Part II of “Is He The One? 4 Questions To Ask Yourself”. If you missed Part I, read it here
3. Will he wait for you?
 
Ephesians 5:27, “He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. Sisters, lemme just tell ya! Closing your legs will weed ’em out faster than a cat can lick its rear end! #peaceout A man who’s willing to deny his flesh to honor you and God, is a very special man. True love, as found in John 3:16, is sacrificial. It requires giving something up. Sacrificing the pleasure of his flesh, may be an indication he desires a future beyond the bed with you. More importantly, he may just be a man like King David, after God’s heart.
 
 4. Is God orchestrating the relationship or are you?
 
I tried to “help” God in past relationships. For example, I shacked with a man for 3 years! God wasn’t moving fast enough! I took matters into my own hands and allowed him to move in with me. I believed it was the only option if we were to ever be together. Seven years later, I was living in Colorado. Chris lived in Alabama. How in the world was this going to work? We were 1394 miles (20 hours) apart! I vowed to God I would stay out of it! If Chris was to be my husband, He would open all the doors for us. Oftentimes, we don’t see God moving in our lives because we’re too busy making things happen ourselves.
A month after Chris and I met, we hopped on a plane to St. Louis and ate lunch at Sweetie Pie’s. On our way back home, the same day, there had been some delays at the airport. As a result, the airline was seeking volunteers to give up their seats. Needless to say, we volunteered. Long story short, both of us received a $1000 voucher. Interestingly enough, I was heading back to Colorado in a few days. Neither of us knew what was next. When would we see each other again? Our gracious Father opened the door for us to see each other, on Him!! We flew to a different city every month until we were married. Chris spent the last of his voucher when he flew to Denver to drive me back to Alabama to be his wife. Ladies, ladies, ladies… If it’s meant to be, it’ll flow. You won’t be required to chase him. In fact, you won’t have to do anything. God will send him to chase you!!
I’m not a relationship counselor, nor do I profess to be. I’m simply sharing from my own experiences, praying that it blesses you. That it encourages and inspires you to date God’s way. It’s worth the wait.

Tiffany Phillips is a southern girl, residing in Sweet Home Alabama. She’s a Christian, wife (married to the most amazing man, Chris), health and fitness enthusiast, and blogger who is eager to share what God has placed on her heart. Visit Tiffany over at her blog teawithtiffanyp.com
Why Tea With Tiffany P? Because she’s spilling all the tea! 

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

I Called My Wedding Off: 4 Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine If He's the One-Part 1

355722

I called my wedding off. It was two months prior to my big day. The date had been set, bridesmaids chosen, venue booked, and wedding dress ordered but… I just couldn’t do it. I’d dated this man for years. It made sense that the next step would be marriage but I had doubts. I knew something was missing but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. After a brief (11 months), courtship with my now husband, I couldn’t help but consider what was so different this time around. How is it that I could date one man for years, have doubts? Date another man for 11 months and have zero doubts?
Perhaps you’re like me. You’ve been dating a man for years but deep down in your soul you know, this can’t be it. You know he’s not the one but you’re comfortable. Change is scary. You have so much history. “Why rock the boat?” You’re slowly warming up to the idea of settling. You begin to reason with yourself. “It’ll get better after marriage.”
I knew what “wrong” felt like. It was marked by uneasiness. In my gut, I knew something was missing. At the time, I didn’t know what “right” felt like. After meeting my amazing husband, the pieces of the puzzles became extremely clear. I can confidently say, you know when it’s wrong, and you know when it’s right. If you haven’t reached a place of certainty, perhaps you need to pump the brakes. You may discover, just as I did, God’s perfect mate for you.
So, is he the one? I can’t answer that. Only you and God can. However, what I can offer, are thought provoking questions to consider. After answering these questions, it may become evident, or it may not. Either way, go to the Father. Just like any loving Father, He adores you. He loves it when you run to Him for help.
 1. Does he know God or “know of “Him?
John 2:3, “And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments.” To know God is to obey Him. There are many temptations in life. If a man truly knows God, he’ll be more inclined to do right by you. He won’t leave you guessing. He won’t play games with your heart. You’ll never be able to watch a man 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your presence is limited; however, God is omnipresent. He’s everywhere at the same time. Knowing your potential mate is being held accountable to God brings a level of comfort. I’m not saying this man will be perfect, because he won’t. You and I aren’t either. I’m simply saying, obedience to God doesn’t lead to sin.
 
 
 2. Does he pray with you?
James 5:16, “…The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” I was 33 years old and had been engaged twice before I ever had a man (outside of deacons or pastors) pray aloud with me. I was in relationships where I was told prayer was taking place but I never saw it. I won’t say they didn’t do it. I can only attest to what I saw.
I was on the phone with Chris, who wasn’t my husband at the time, for the very first time. Prior to hanging up the phone, he asked, “Can I pray with you?” “Wayment! What?! I was taken aback. Like alllllllll the way back! When he prayed, although my eyes were closed, I observed the ease of the words flowing from his mouth. Prayer wasn’t something he learned before he called me that night. He was comfortable. His tone was relaxed. He’d been there, at God’s feet, before. It was comforting to know he had a prayer life. That he knew the importance of prayer. That I could count on him to pray for me. That he knew how to communicate with God.
I truly hope you’ve enjoyed reading thus far. Stay tuned for Part II where the last two questions will be revealed. In the meantime, we’d love to hear from you. Do you think the first two questions are important in determining if he’s the one?
 

 
Tiffany Phillips is a southern girl, residing in Sweet Home Alabama. She’s a Christian, wife (married to the most amazing man, Chris), health and fitness enthusiast, and blogger who is eager to share what God has placed on her heart. Visit Tiffany over at her blog teawithtiffanyp.com
Why Tea With Tiffany P? Because she’s spilling all the tea! 

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Holy Suicide-Are You Really Ready For Marriage?

Rear view of a vintage car with just married sign and cans attached

Marriage-it’s a beautiful thing, but often it becomes an overemphasized reality to many particularly when it comes to exploring the purpose in which it is intended. We hear mini-series, webinars, and bullet-point presentations on the best ways to attract, prepare, and even pray concerning our future spouses; however, once the preparation has ended, I beg to ask the question, are you really ready to die?
 
Die? Woah! Things just took an extreme turn, but stay with me.
Yes, marriage is the sacred joining together of two individuals in which love, commitment, faithfulness, loyalty, submission, and fidelity are interwoven around the Lordship of Christ. All of these things fuel the union that is both symbolic of Christ’s relationship with the church and His unrelenting devotion to keep this relationship upheld. But how relentless was Christ in showing his love? How do we know what love is?
 
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. – 1 John 3:16
 
Jesus laid down his life on our behalf. He offered Himself up through the act of “laying down,” i.e. dying on our behalf. One death and one resurrection laid the foundation for us to live a life of constant adoration and reverence to the Father.  This death showed us what love is. This death showed us the intense passion and pursuit that drove the Father in His pursuit of having lifetime union with us. This death, the decision to give our livelihood for another, is the template by which marriage is built.
 
When you stand at the altar and repeat “I Do,” you are not just simply agreeing to the terms of eternal bliss, constant devotion, and unconditional regard as a means to the end. The means to the end is dying enough to yourself, so that your partner gets to live. Christ didn’t just die to stay dead, but He ended up living as a result of the decision and gave us the opportunity to live, too. So, it is the same for marriage.
 
When you decide to die to your selfish ways, your partner gets to live in kindness. When your spouse decides to die to pessimism, you reap the benefits of confidence and hopefulness. When you decide to die to your prideful ambitions, your partner gets to abide in humble outcomes. When your partner decides to die to unforgiveness and harboring resentment, you get the thrill of being tossed in the throes of mercy and immunity from your own short-comings and character insufficiencies.
 
All in all, when you both make the decision to die to the parts of you that don’t resemble the nature of Christ,  you get to encounter the process of transformation that ultimately draws you both closer to that very nature itself. Dying to self to look like Christ. Dying to self for your spouse to be like Christ. Dying to selves to glorify Christ. All of these are the genesis of what marriage was constructed to be.  
 
You see, the beauty of marriage is the intention behind it—the sanctification that draws us to look more like Christ. It’s so much bigger than being with someone that looks good, brings you joy, loves you completely, and draws you closer to Christ. While these things are evident, they are not the conclusion of the matter.  Marriage in and of itself is being joined with the one used in the hands of Christ to cause the parts of you that don’t resemble him—to die. What makes it beautiful is that you get to do the same with your spouse and the love of Christ that makes this all possible is put on display to ultimately bring glory to Him.
 
I know that you thought marriage was going to be a conglomerate of happiness, bliss, joy, hard times, disagreements, and endurance. But let’s add the part that few like to discuss—the never-ending process of sanctification. Again, the joy of marriage is found in the intention for which it was built.  So, whether you’re married and things seem too difficult or you’re single and the thought of marriage has become too sought after, ask yourself, “Is (or am I ready for) this holy suicide making me look like Him?”  If the answer is yes—you’re not only equipped, but you’re well ready.
 
Take Heed and Live Free,
Chelle
 

Richelle is a Christian, Speaker, Author, Counselor and lives in Orlando, Florida. She has a heart for all things Jesus and loving on people! She believes that where there is brokenness, there is beauty and where there is heartbreak, there is hope! She is passionate in pursuing individuals who feel distraught, lost, and hopeless and desire that they, along with others who have not experienced the fullness of the Father’s love, will find themselves completely restored in it! 

She is the Founder and Executive Editor of Show Those Scars, an organization that promotes transparency and honesty to bring healing and wholeness in Christ.  Her passions include counseling, writing, hanging out with friends & family, and cooking! More of her works can be found on her website,  www.showthosescars.com