Month: July 2014

Categories
Marriage

7 Mature Habits of Marriages that Grow Consistently

One of the key components of marriage that I underestimated prior to getting married was how much work it is. I mean really, it’s a lot of effort in order to keep your relationship healthy and vibrant.
As I am closely approaching a decade of marriage, I have evaluated and marveled at the growth that has taken place in my life.  When I think about the person I was 8 years ago, I can barely recognize him! The way I was, how I thought, and how I communicated to my spouse has drastically changed among other things.
Was this growth coincidental? Nope! Quite the contrary! It was very deliberate and intentional. Once these habits were developed in my heart. I began to really see my marriage grow! Let’s review the mature habits that will cause your marriage to grow consistently
1.      EXPECT TO CHANGE – Growing marriages are confident that they are not going to stay the same. They expect to change! They are prepared to change. They welcome change! They see complacency as an enemy to their marriage!
2.      DON’T DEFEND THEIR WEAKNESSES – Growing spouses don’t defend their weaknesses. Most times God has invested solutions to your weaknesses in your spouse, but if you always defend them you will miss the opportunity to reap the benefits of your spouse’s strength. This is why opposites attract!
3.      DON’T GO TO BED ANGRY – Growing spouses take the proactive effort to resolve their conflict. They aim to reach a resolution before they go to bed. Taking unresolved hurts, pain, and conflict into a new day is a DANGER ZONE!
When we wait, this gives the enemy ample time to work to cause your hurt, anger, and pain to fester. Look at it this way! When there is a FIRE in your house, you don’t take your time putting out the FLAME! You move swiftly! Growing spouses are QUICK TO REPENT!
4.      LEARN HOW THEIR SPOUSE COMMUNICATES – Communication is one of the common challenges in most marriages under 5 years. Take the effort to learn how your spouse communicates and work to speak their language! Your spouse is the Book! You are the student! Now, STUDY!
5.      PRAYS FOR THEIR SPOUSE REGULARLY– Prayer is one of the key ways to deepen your love for your spouse! One of the joys of my marriage has been waking up to my wife praying and crying out to God on my behalf.
Growing spouses keep a prayer list of things that they are believing God to do in their spouse’s life. As you pray, God will connect you to your spouse on a deeper level and you will be encouraged as you see the prayers you’ve prayed come to pass.
6.      ARE SPONTANEOUS – As you began to build a life together by working full-time, taking care of your kids, doing ministry, it is easy to get routine in your relationship with your spouse. As a result, your marriage can become boring and lackluster.
Growing spouses’ break the monotony by doing RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS for their spouse such breakfast in bed, ‘Just Because’ gifts, and many other things. BE CREATIVE!
7.      SERVE THEIR SPOUSES – Growing spouses go out of their way to make their spouse happy. They do it gladly and look for every opportunity to make their spouse smile! If both parties are working to make the other one happy, EVERYONE’S HAPPY!
These are a few! But I know there are many more!  Sound off in the comments below on habits you have implemented in order to grow with your husband or wife! Let’s make an effort to GROW!

Categories
Marriage

10 Tips to Transform Your Bedroom into a Lover's Retreat

Categories
Dating/Courting Home

4 Biblical Traits of a Man Not Ready for Marriage

 
Being a man, you come across and befriend other men of all kinds. Some are career centered, some are women centered, and the rest are just trying to enjoy life to the fullest. Every man is different, but when it comes to marriage, its very easy to notice those that aren’t ready for marriage. But if you don’t look closely, you can be easily fooled.
Here are 5 traits that can be overlooked, if not intentionally looked for, that reveal a man that isn’t ready for marriage.

1. Double-Minded

Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. Proverbs 12:15
The bible states in the book of James, a double minded person is unstable in all their ways. A double minded man is unstable in his character and feelings which ultimately results in him not being able to make sound decisions. Good decision-making is a necessary trait needed by a man desiring marriage.
As a husband, he will be responsible to lead, provide, and protect his family. When a man is double minded, he will lack the confidence to be secure in his ability to lead well. Today you will find those who cannot commit to one woman in a relationship, has a hard time keeping a job, or lacks motivation to complete tasks is struggling with double mindedness.  If he doesn’t obtain mentors, wise friends, or pastoral support, a man can easily isolate himself which inhibits him from dealing with this issue.

2. Sneaky

The crooked heart will not prosper; the lying tongue tumbles into trouble. Proverbs 17:20
Honesty, trust, and transparency are pivotal ingredients for a healthy relationship. A man that lacks these will be sneaky, telling half truths and living alternate lives just to keep you from learning the real him.
A man ready for marriage will desire to hold nothing back from you, for he will not be ashamed for you to learn the real him. A sneaky man may even try to turn the tables on you because he knows he can’t be trusted, ultimately not trusting you.  This requires an acknowledgment of the need for accountability on all levels to see this issue resolved.

3. Lazy

2 Thessalonians 3:6-10 states, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, we give you this command in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ: Stay away from all believers who live idle lives and do not follow the tradition they received from us. For you know that you ought to imitate us. We were not idle when we were with you. We never accepted food from anyone without paying for it. We worked hard day and night so we would not be a burden to any of you.”
The church at Thessalonica was a church full of young, new believers. Each epistle written by the Apostle Paul addressed each churches specific challenges and those issues needing to be focused on. We see him here addressing that issue of laziness. He encourages them to stay away from any believer that is not living according to the tradition they had set in place. That tradition was simply working hard.
Those being called out were not just sitting at home doing nothing with their time, but later in the passage he addresses them meddling in others people business. In verse 11 Paul says, “Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people’s business.” This makes it clear that they were not living their life’s on purpose, but wasting God’s given time on selfish gain.  A man that is lazy, is not ready to marry!

4. Angry

My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19
A man’s ability to be patient in marriage will make or break key moments in the relationship. This was something I had to learn before I got married because I saw how easily frustrated I became when things didn’t go my way.
I had to ask God to help me in this area because I knew I would need to be able to control myself during high conflict moments with my wife. Now being married, I thank God he brought this to my attention before marriage. We have encountered times that my wife said out of her mouth, “Babe, thank you for being patient with me even when I knew you could have become frustrated”. If a man cannot control his anger then marriage will be very challenging.
 
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Categories
Marriage

When Busyness Attempts to Ruin Your Marriage

There came a point this year when I realized that I had become so busy over the last few months with juggling my children’s schedule, my husband’s schedule, our ministry schedule, and my sad excuse for a personal/ social life schedule that I lost sight of what was truly important.
I allowed my “SCHEDULES” to all become my number one priority. The children’s play dates were just as important as getting them to school on time. Getting them to school on time was just as important as meeting with couples for marriage coaching.
Marriage coaching was just as important as making sure my husband remembered what time his next meeting was, and all of that was just as important as spending quality time with my family and making sure they all felt my love.
Everything was a priority and everything was out of order.
Yes, all of those things matter, they were all important, and the all had to be done, but they all came first, when in reality they should have all come last.
When the reality of what was happening hit me, I had to put myself in “time out” and re-prioritize. I had to take a step back and figure out what was important; if I did nothing else that day what was absolutely necessary.
 
It is sad to say, but with everything I was doing, as busy as I was being, and as productive as I felt I was, being a wife wasn’t at the top of the list. My husband was not on the top of my list.
I took care of everything and everyone else, and failed at being my husband’s wife. Dinner wasn’t ready when he came home from work. He wasn’t greeted with a warm smile or kiss at the door. The house was in disarray.
He didn’t feel my love throughout the day. Sex was my insurance policy guaranteeing that my husband had no reason to look to another woman to fill that need. Things were out of order.
 
This revelation hit me hard (as it should have). I felt like I let my husband down and left him without his help meet. I had to apologize to my husband for mis-prioritizing him and us; not out of obligation but out of my love for him.
My love makes him #1. I had to rearrange my schedule to make sure I was home in time to make sure I was there when he came home from work and had dinner in the making. I cleared my days when I knew he didn’t have to be in the office so that we could spend time together.
Not that I was 100% successful each time, but I made a conscious effort to be his wife again; to be what he needs me to be before I am what everyone else need me to be.
Because at the end of the day it’s me and him, then me and the children, and then me and everything else, and when all is said and done, having things in the proper order makes life run a lot smoother, peaceful, and harmonious. 

Categories
Engaged Marriage

5 Ways to Love Your Wife as Jesus Loves the Church

I have had many of my friends, cousins and frat brothers ask me the same question, “Joel, doesn’t the bible say that a wife is supposed to be submissive her husband?”
My answer is always the same, “Yep, but the husband’s job is much harder.  The husband is supposed to love his wife like Jesus loved the Church.  And remember, Jesus died for the Church.”
As the bible says, the man is supposed to be the head of the household, but there is one important condition that can not be overlooked. The man is to be lead by God.  If a man is taking his directives from God and the wife is submitting to him, the wife in effect is submitting to God.  Wives are supposed to submit to the submitted.  Wives are supposed to be lead by the lead.  If the husband is not submitted to God or lead by God, the contract is null and void.
There are five things that a man can do to love his wife as Jesus loves the Church.
1. Obey God
Jesus did everything God told Him to do.  He completely submitted to God.  If we are to love our wives as Jesus loves the Church, we are to completely submit to God.
 
2. Teach Her the Word of God
Jesus constantly taught the Word of God.  If we are to love our wives as Jesus loves the Church, we are to study the word so that we may teach or wives the word.  Learning the word of God in order to teach the word of God is not reserved just for pastors and bishops, it is expected of every believer, especially husbands.  Every Christian husband is in essence a bishop, because a bishop is a pastor of pastors, or simpler stated, a leader of leaders.  
 
3. Serve Her
Jesus was a servant leader.  He perfectly illustrated this when He washed the disciples feet (John  13:1-7).  A huge part of a husbands commitment to his wife is to serve her.  He is to serve her when he wants to and especially when he doesn’t.  Keep in mind Jesus washed Judas’ feet and He knew Judas was going to betray Him.
4. Heal Her
Jesus performed many miracles.  Along with walking on water and feeding five thousand, He healed people.  He gave sight to the blind and because of Jesus, the lame walked.  By His stripes we were healed from all of our physical and mental afflictions.

With God, husbands can heal their wives.  We can heal our wives by committing to love them.  We can heal our wives by working hard everyday to love them as God leads us to.  Our words and our actions have the power to heal.  No matter what our wives have been through, we can heal them.

 
5. Die for Her
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son.   Jesus died for His bride.  He literally surrendered His life.  We must do the same.  We must be willing to give up our lives figuratively and literally.  We must be willing to give up all of our hopes, dreams and aspirations for our wives.  We must also be willing to protect our wives at all cost.  Even if it costs us our lives.
Yes, a wife is supposed to submit to her husband, but if and only if he has submitted to God.  Relax.  God has given us plenty of help.  He sent Jesus to set the example.  He’s given us the Holy Spirit to guide us.  He also places people in our lives to help us along the way.  Oh, and He has also given us marriedandyoung.com

Categories
Dating/Courting Home

Ask Dr. Faith | 7 Ways to Discern if they are "The One"

Many singles wonder how they will know when they have finally found “the one.” Before I was married, folks would say “you will just know.”
That’s true, but there are some other great things that will help you know that someone is “the one.” I have listed them below:We know that the kingdom of God is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. These are the first things you want to look for when gauging if someone is the one.
1. Righteousness
“The one” will inspire you to walk upright, to become better, and to love God more. He or she will help you choose righteousness and goodness in all you do.
2. Peace

You will observe peace in the process, not just within yourself, but with those who are around you. It is normal to be a little anxious about “the one” finally being there, but the underlining theme of the process should be peace.
If there is extreme confusion, unrest, anxiety and frustration, then you need to reexamine the relationship and the situation.
3. Joy
Courtship should be joyous, not just for you but for everyone around you as well. Most of my prayers when my husband and I started courting were of thankfulness.
I could not believe he was finally here. Courtship and marriage are joyous things. If you are experiencing sadness, constant fighting and bickering, and unrest, then they might not be “the one.”
4. Core Values
They share your core values. If you have read any of my articles you know I talk about having just 5 to 7 core values. For example, they love God, are hardworking, trustworthy and kind.  Look to see if they meet your important nonnegotiable core values.
5. They are willing to fight for you
In a relationship there will be moments when one is more passionate than the other, or more excited than the other. Both people should have a fight in them to believe what God has said and to work for it. If they are willing to fight for you and not give up when you want to give up they may be “the one.”
6. You have some external confirmations
Heed what people are saying, especially the ones who are important to you. Look at their words, the word of God, and the prophetic words over your life.
If the person and situation are lining up with these words beings spoken over your life, they might be “the one.”

7. The knowing
Married people always tell you that you will “just know,” and it is true! There is just something magical when the time and the person is right.
It seems like everything falls in line and falls into place. Yes you may have to work on some things, but you are at least 90 percent sure most of the time that this person is “the one.”

Categories
Marriage Physical Intimacy

6 Ways Pornography is Destroying Real Intimacy in Marriage

Scripture specifically addresses sexual sins such as:

  • Thou shalt not commit adultery…(Ex. 20:14)
  • Thou shalt not lie with a man as with a woman… (Lev. 18:22)
  • Flee fornication….he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body…(1 Cor. 16:18)
  • And you shall not lie with any animal and so make yourself unclean with it (Lev. 28:23)

These scriptures are express in telling what to do as it relates to sexual sins; and although pornography is not explicitly mentioned, it is an issue nonetheless. In fact, Forbes estimates that the Pornography is a $750 million – $1 billion dollar/year industry. Numbers like that are astonishing and really speak to the popularity of porn.
As citizens of the Kingdom of God, we are fully aware that partaking in pornography is expressly outside of the will of God. This is no secret. However, main stream media, sex therapists, and regular folks do not always have the same opinions as we do (what a shocker, right?).  Many argue that porn is a safer alternative to sex: While one cannot get pregnant or a disease from porn, its’ noticeable, poisonous effects still exist, though very subtle.
It even has placed its’ hold in today’s marriages; creeping into healthy marriages and killing the cells of love, intimacy, and communication. Below are some subtle ways that Porn can kill a marriage:
1.  Porn chases a fantasy, it doesn’t create a memory.
Sex was meant for enjoyment that is patented and trademarked in heaven by God for Mr.&Mrs. Watching porn provides a standard by which the viewer tries to judge. It gives credence to the thought of “If he/she doesn’t do this, it’s not good”. Instead of trying to create memories of ecstasy that are within the confines of marriage that God smiles upon, the watcher of porn often tries to recreate a scene or actions that does  not give God glory. Think about it, do you really want your marriage bed to become a scene from a porn movie?
2.  Porn is an intimacy killer.
Actors in a porn scene are seeking selfish sexual pleasure (amongst a host of other things).  Both parties are attempting to “get theirs” by any means necessary. This is the antithesis to intimacy. Intimacy is about time, experiences, trial and error, communication, and building. When a person engages in pornographic activity, they build up a resistance to intimacy because that person is simply seeking self-fulfillment.
3. Porn is a gateway to dishonest and insincere love-making.
Because the porn watcher is chasing a fantasy and is not being intimate, the act of love making becomes unreal. Becoming desensitized to the emotional and sexual needs of your spouse totally takes the love out of love making and turns it into just trying to “get some”. That is a disservice to the covenant of marriage and the right of love making.
4. Porn can stifle the growth of the marital sexual experience.
Often times, people that watch porn think the images that they see are what should be done in bed.  The expectations of what you think should happen vs. what your spouse is comfortable with may not align because you were watching a production not born out of love and maturing together. This is a recipe for disaster and disappointment.
5. Porn can kill the excitement of lovemaking.
If you have seen what you may think are all the possibilities, variations, and nuances of lovemaking, then what is there to look forward to? There are few things better than being excited about making love to your spouse. If this sentiment is diminished, then so is the sexual experience.
6. Porn may be linked to reduced activity to certain areas of the brain.
According to Time magazine, a German study found that the region that responds to sexual stimuli is less active in those that watch a lot of porn.  The study also shows the part of the brain associated with processing rewards is smaller in persons who view pornography more often.

Sexual health and Intimacy are directly related to the health of a marriage. Porn can and will poison both.

 

Categories
Marriage

3 Ways to Keep Your Marriage a Priority

It was the summer before our wedding. We were extremely active in our church. My husband and I, were  leaders in our college ministry, worship team and other areas. Our wedding was to take place in the fall.

We had decided to go on a missions trip the summer before our wedding and forgo our honeymoon. We thought we were making a Godly choice of giving up our honeymoon for a trip to reach the lost. It was a very selfless christian thing to do. Unfortunately, it was also the worst thing we could have done for our marriage.

 

How could traveling to another country, ministering to people in need and serving the less fortunate in the name of Jesus be bad for your marriage? Isn’t it true, that if we put God first then he will bless our marriage? True, if we put God first our marriage will be blessed, however, ministry isn’t God.

The reason why the missions trip was bad for our marriage is because it set a precedent that ministry comes before our marriage. What should have been our honeymoon week of bliss and enjoying each other, turned into a week of crying, yelling and fighting. We went right back to work after our wedding and did life as usual. No honeymoon phase at all. This then set our first year of marriage into the same cycle. We continued to put ministry and our careers before each other.

 

Too often I see many Christian couples fall into a similar trap. If the enemy can’t get you to sin, he will let you get yourself so busy that your marriage falls to the way side. Sure you’re doing God’s work, but that should never come before your spouse. Nothing besides your relationship with God should be above your spouse.

Not your ministry, not your children, not your job, not your hobby… NOTHING. God has called us to become one with our spouse. How can we protect the priority that they are in our lives?

 

1. Be jealous for their time.

“ For the Lord your God is a Jealous God, an all consuming fire.” Deuteronomy. 4:24.

Many times throughout the Bible you see that God is jealous for the love and time of his people. God’s love for the bride of Christ is the ultimate example of a spousals love. We should be jealous (protective, vigilant, watchful) of our spouses time with us. Meaning, when you are with your spouse give them your undivided attention. No cell phones, no T.V.,or  no Facebook, just your full attention.

 

2. Never let your ministry/career come before your spouse.

Does this mean you sit all day at home fawning of your lover. Of course not, we are all called to serve and we are called to provide for our home. However, the priority lies within your heart. This means that you are making a daily effort to express to your spouse they’re a priority in your life.

Whether that be a text to let them know your thinking/praying for them, blessing them with a thoughtful gift, showering them with affection and longing when you see them, or taking a day off to surprise them with quality time, whatever it is, let them know that they are number one.

 

3. Consider the time.

Too often we overcommit ourselves. We don’t consider the cost of time a task will take when we agree to do it. I see this especially in the church environment; we volunteer to serve in too many areas, before we know it our whole month is booked up.

Then when we realize our marriage or children are suffering from our busy schedule, we feel bad for not keeping our word. Before you volunteer or agree to an extra project, consider how this will affect your time with your spouse and family. No ministry is more important than the ministry to your family.

 

In Mark 14:7 Jesus stated that the poor you will always have and you can minister to them whenever, but the time with Him was more valuable. The same should go for your family.

Ministry is always available, but the years and time with your family will be memories that you won’t want to miss.

God – 1st, Marriage – 2nd, Children – 3rd, and everything else follows.

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Categories
Marriage Physical Intimacy

Sex in Marriage: 3 Things to Remember from a Wife's Perspective

From the desk of the Modern Day Cindi:
One of the most misunderstood concepts between a husband and wife is SEX!  And not just sex, but our sexual APPETITE, and what propels each of us to SATISFACTION. A husband and wife boast many benefits, especially the excitement and intimacy of having sex with YOUR spouse.
By design, God created sex for husbands and; wives equally, but in many cases it seems that men are easier to please sexually and are far more satisfied with sex than their female counterparts.
Many wives have taken pleasure in the privilege of bearing children, but not necessarily pleasure in the love making to create them. Of course, this is not the sweeping consensus for all women, but it is unfortunately true for many.
Now fellas, it is not that women do not enjoy the touch, embrace, and the idea of physical intimacy; but, the cares of household responsibilities, professional demands, and assuming the role of wife, mother, supporter, and friend becomes an unexplainable, inexplicable drain that rolls over into many areas.
As the body of Christ, we have to endorse love making for the ring wearer and covenant holders and support the development of growth in this position as well.
From the wife’s perspective, even sex with her spouse can become just another role that she must fulfill which makes the act more of an obligatory duty than a pleasurably, fulfilling experience.
For example, because women rarely compartmentalize issues, it has been jokingly said that women will claim headaches, sickness, and busyness all in disinterest and avoidance of sex.
Regrettably, it is not unbelievable or inconceivable to imagine that this may be true. Therefore, it is even more necessary to understand the importance of setting the proper atmosphere for love making.
Here are 3 things to remember:
1. To be stimulated mentally and satisfied physically, it is essential that a woman’s mind is aroused, intrigued, and focused on nothing else at that moment. Consequently, the foreplay really must start early and the love making, like many things, has to occur first in her mind. Women are not light switches.
Sometimes a thought alone does not get women to a place of stimulation …and sometimes it takes more than candle lights, soft music and a bubble bath. We need more to be turned on! Kind words; a helping hand; being protective, but not overbearing; and listening and acting on our needs, etc. can go a long way.
 
2. Understand the complexity and appreciate the vulnerability that comes from such an intimate act. From the time we were quite young, we were taught to avoid looking at movies with sex in it, listening to music that was overly sexual, or wearing clothes that were considered too sexy.
Although culturally inundated by sex, it was always considered taboo. Even houses of worship could be complicit in rebuking women in church for showing affection toward their spouse publicly all the while endorsing reproduction but not good love making… As a result, reluctantly many wives find it difficult to cross over into complete vulnerability with their husband sexually.
 
3. Love making between spouses should always feel new because it is a constant discovery with endless possibilities. The desire to meet your spouse’s needs must be deliberate and intentional. So take your time and enjoy the journey! Don’t compare or degrade your spouse, and stay away from acts that could open doors of inferiority and insecurity.

Remember: There are two people present in love making, so the memory of the experience can last a lot longer than the actual act. Make it fun and exciting and never forget the blessing of marriage! 

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage

Spotlights and Sidelines: Whose Dreams Come First? Part 1

“You can be anything you want to be, as long as you put your mind to it.”
These are the cliche words that echoed in our ears as children as we dreamed of being astronauts, rock stars, princesses, and even the President of the United States. As the years passed by and we navigated the seas of life, we began to find out that statement was much easier said than done, and sometimes it sounded like an outright lie. After all we did much more than just “put our mind to it”… We poured our time, money, emotions, and even our identity into attaining that dream.
 
How many times have you heard someone say that they are waiting to get married until they finish school, start their ministry, get that dream job, etc.? Now I realize there are practical reasons for this but I also strongly believe there is an underlying mentality that keeps us from being fully able to commit to a relationship because we think we have to give up on our dreams to accommodate another’s. We figure that if we have that piece locked safely into our life prior to marriage, then it gets grandfathered in as a mutual goal.
 
I spent over a decade pursuing a music career. I was 110% sure I was going to be a famous recording artist…heck I had even been on American Idol, so it must be true! It consumed me and took all of my time and resources. Their was no relationship in my life that could hold a candle to fulfilling my dream of performing for the world, and everyone, even my own family, took a back seat. I was the last person anyone wanted to marry. Then came the day it lost its luster. I was jaded from rejection and tired of having nothing to show for my efforts. I told myself to grow up and I put that dream away.
 
That’s when I met Jesus. That’s when I heard He had plans and a future for me. That’s when He told me His plans involved me doing music again and my passion was reignited. That is also when I met my wife…and she came packaged with her own dreams as well. Oh Jesus, how you love irony.
 
Two people, passionately pursuing dreams and desires of their own, now called to support their partner’s as well, while also committing to build a thriving marriage and family. With limited resources…time, money, and energy…it seems like some major compromise was in order and someone must be headed for disappointment.
 
Whose gets the spotlight? Who stands on the sidelines?
 
I am afraid that there is no one solid solution for this…but there are strategies that will guide you to your own way of working through your unique situation. God obviously created marriage as a beautiful thing and He also cares about each individuals desires. Although there will be seasons of spotlights and sidelines for each of us, there is also grace and provision enough for everything as well.
A favorite quote of mine states “a person is never diminished by celebrating another’s success.”  Especially within the covenant of marriage, when you seem to be at an impasse in the decision to set a course, giving preference to the other will never end badly…it is a cornerstone of Christianity to prefer others above yourself.
 
If this issue is something you deal with in your marriage, then stay tuned for Part 2 of this series in which we will present some key mentalities and strategies that will allow you to work together and maintain a healthy partnership where you both can flourish individually.