Tag: wives

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Single

Why It's Important to be Deeply Rooted In God Before Entering a Relationship

Interview by Habiba Abudu
 

Habiba Abudu had the pleasure of interviewing Sopha Rush, who is inspiring thousands of women with her Instagram(@livedeeplyrooted), Youtube (livedeeplyrooted) and Blog (livedeeplyrooted.blogspot.ca). Rush emphasizes the fact that it’s most important to have a relationship with God before starting one with a man. Her life is a testament of God’s faithfulness as she served God diligently before meeting her husband, Anthony Rush, in college. Currently, Rush works with foster children in St. Joe’s Children’s Home in Louisville, Kentucky. Aiming for the top, Sopha has a passion for mentoring the younger generation and is constantly pursuing new endeavors. 
Habiba Abudu (HA) : You often discuss your prolonged singleness in order to marry the person God has for you. Why was that important to you and what kept you focused during that season of your life ?
Sopha Rush (SR): During my season of singleness, I promised myself that I would not jump into a relationship with just anyone. Trying to force something that God didn’t put together. I knew I wanted my next relationship to be my last so I was in no rush to start dating.  After my last
relationship (before meeting Anthony), I wanted to make sure that my relationship with God, was not put on the “back burner”. I wanted to make sure I was confident in who I was in Christ. If my relationship with God was not right, how would He honor me and my desires? I had to get my priorities straight which is what I did during my singleness and I don’t regret the wait one bit.
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HA: On your social media feed you emphasize self – love. Were you always assured of yourself and what has helped you become confident in yourself ?
SR: Yes, I speak highly of self love. If you don’t fully love yourself, how do you expect to know what you truly deserve? Was I always assured of myself? No, not at all. That’s the beauty of the journey. Discovering who you are and learning more about yourself. What helped me become more confident in myself was understanding where my worth comes from. Knowing God’s truth about who I am, made me love myself (as a daughter of His). For He sees me as royalty and because of that, I am confident in who I am.
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HA : What are some things you wish you knew, now that you are married?
SR : Well, this is a funny question to me. I don’t really think you can ever be prepared for marriage. It’s all a learning process. Before marriage, we both attended pre-marriage counseling. (Despite attending counseling) we still had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. It’s a beautiful thing, being married, but it’s requires work, effort, and commitment. It takes two to make a marriage successful. Of course, we are human so we fail
and disappoint each other at times. But, we forgive each other. A lot of grace and patience keeps us sane. I don’t wish I would have known anything before I got married because we both have learned so much along the way…just growing together every day.
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HA : Has being multi – raced ever been a source of discomfort for you? How do you embrace both cultures?
SR : Yes, I am indeed bi-racial. I like to think of myself as a melting pot. My mom is half Cambodian, half Thai. My dad is black and white. When I was in high school, I experienced discomfort in embracing my differences. I attended a predominately white school so there weren’t a lot of people that looked like me. I tried to mask a lot of who I was because I had no one to show me that being different was okay. It wasn’t until college that I learned how to truly love myself. After I embraced my uniqueness, I was so in love with the way God made me. I stopped trying to be like everyone else. I loved me for me! Of course, it’s a continual process of learning new ways to love myself.
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HA : What are some long – term goals that you have for yourself ?
SR: I have so many long term goals I would love to accomplish! A few include : starting a family with my husband, becoming debt free by 2018, buying our first home together. I am currently working on a book that I would love to get published in the next year. Also, being able to travel with my husband to a new country. I would love to become an entrepreneur by the age of 30. These are just a few of my goals, I have so many.
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HA : Why was purity important to you? How did you and your spouse maintain a high standard of purity?
SR : My purity was important to me because I made a vow between God and I, that I wanted to save myself for marriage. I wanted to give a gift
to my husband that was only for him. Purity was important to him, because he knew how much it meant to me. My husband wasn’t a virgin when we met, but because he respected me, he waited 3.5 years until we got married. He protected me and loved me enough to wait – that spoke volumes to me. In order to keep a high standard of purity, we had to set boundaries and keep in the forefront of our minds that the end goal was marriage. We had to stop kissing (tragic I know) and set limits on how late we could see each other. It was so hard, but man was it worth it. He was worth it.
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Habiba Abudu is a writer based in Toronto, Canada. She loves writing, exploring and eating good food. You can find her at www.habibaabudu.com, www.facebook.com/habibadoesthings, on Instagram @therealhabibaabudu. Stay tuned for Tickle Me Fancy.

Categories
Communication Dating/Courting Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

What I Learned When My Wife Was Hurting

Man comforting his sad mourning friend embracing her in a park

Recently, I woke up. The cloud of busyness that I had been encapsulated in finally dissipated, and I was left to realize that my wife really needed me, but I had been too distracted. I wept and repented when I realized that my oblivion had left her vulnerable and wide open. I’m her covering. This is what I signed up for: to love, honor, and cherish Sarah.
I am going to love and cover my wife, the way Jesus loves and covers His Church. (Ephesians 5:25)
In the instance of seeing my role as my wife’s servant leader and protector, I realized that a husband loving his wife as Jesus loves His Church is her greatest champion. Her mighty man. I love turning the tables of modern manhood and seeing my wife, not I, as the one who should be displayed. Peter tells us that wives are the “weaker vessel.”
Not weak, though, in the sense of being defenseless and unstable. A better translation would be delicate. This phrase in Greek literally means fine china. (1 Peter 3:7)
In this moment of drawing a line—no, a trench—in the sand: vowing to protect and lead my wife with love, respect, attention, and to love her with abandon, I came to realize three truths about when my wife is hurting.

 1. What hurts her, hurts me.

When a husband sheds his passivity like a worn, overused garment, it is refreshing. I tore off that indifference with a vengeance when I saw that I had turned a blind eye to my wife’s pain—and it seared like an iron when I learned this. To love your wife as Christ loves His Church is to feel such empathy for her pain that you clench your fists until your knuckles whiten , and you shout through clenched teeth, “Give it to me, Lord, if it will take it off of her!”

 2. The enemy of her soul better watch his back.

The next swelling emotion that I experienced after feeling her pain was anger and fury towards the enemy of her soul, who tries to rob her peace and stifle her joy. Your wife was not created to be a victim. She was created to represent the beauty, grace, and strength of God to the world. When the enemy tries to choke out that vibrant life that God fused into her soul, you—like me—will roar. And roar you must. The battered woman image is a façade that undermines the dignity and value that God bestowed upon women. Rebuke the enemy and glorify the name of Jesus in her midst! When your wife is too weary to cry out her battle cry, then cry it out for her.

 3. Whoever blesses her, blesses me.

Finally the storm subsided. Friends and mentors gather around her and you get “tagged out” to rest so others could surround her. This happened to me. A spiritual mother and sisters in her life came to her side and spoke truth over my wife’s heart. My joy returned because her joy returned. God knows this sentiment. Genesis 12:3 tells of God’s burning heart for Israel, how those who bless Israel will be blessed by God. Why? Because He is so invested in His people that when others pour into Israel, He cannot help but pour out His love in return. The Lord is the ultimate example of a husband: He is the Champion of His Bride, and what blesses her, blesses Him—causing Him in return to bless.
Husbands, let’s champion our wives’ position in the Kingdom and defend her against the lies and libels that the enemy tries to place upon her!
 
 
 

Categories
Communication Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

Three Ways the Modern Husband is Coming Undone

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The American Joke

In 2016 alone, I’ve seen three extremely strong marriages of people we are close to, crumble to nothingness –two of which are ending in bitter, brutal divorce. Is it her or is it him? Can we all agree that the way that Americans and probably Westerners do life is just plain insane? We run at a very reckless 10,000,000 miles an hour, exhausted and pushed to our max with the laughable attempt at balancing living for Jesus, work, family, friendships, dreams, meanwhile we wonder why something fails.
This pace in which we live is akin to juggling five 100 pound backpacks, riding a unicycle on a trapeze at 75 miles an hour, over an 8,000 foot precipice.
And we toss stones when someone falls? Explain that one to me, please.
And allow me to get off topic for a minute: we were never meant to add Jesus to the “juggling act.” He isn’t an addendum to our lives. He is Life; and the moment we seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, we begin to realize that all things are falling into place!
Wives, men today aren’t stupid. Husbands, women today aren’t demented. We are busy. We are over-worked, worried, overly overwhelmed. We’re just tired (among other things).

Men’s Problems Today

But something happens, sometimes, in the fray: we get frayed. In that place of constant battering, some men react poorly. I’m not saying that these apply to every man, but a great many, certainly.
Here are three ways that I see modern husbands coming undone:

  1. Men are distracted. Some men bury themselves in video games; others dive into hunting or fishing. Hobbies are excellent and even crucial to be able to decompress from life’s stresses. But the problems arise when men stop seeing their wives; wives become invisible, because men are too involved in escapism.
  2. Men are passive. Passivity is a problem in American men. Since when is it OK to watch your family fall apart, while you shake your head in disbelief, but don’t rise up and take threats to your family by the horns? Men don’t lead; they stay at home from church and let their wives plead with them to give church one more try. I understand discouragement. I understand dismay, but many men would rise above their problems if they would only stand and lead.
  3. Men have their priorities backwards. Men today are willing to roar like lions in the football stands, but run like sheep in the Church. Husbands can manage their jobs with precision and skill, but managing their home life doesn’t take precedence. Men, it’s time to have a vision for your family as big as, or bigger than your vision for your future.

These don’t represent every man, but I would say that most men struggle with one or more of them. Husbands, seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness. Women, don’t be discouraged by your husbands, but continue to affirm his place of sonship in the Kingdom.
Husbands, we are seeing a cultural decline in the West. What would happen if more men caught the vision of God for their families, and loved their wives and kids—with the knowledge that doing family life well can literally shape a culture?
 
 
 
 

Categories
Engaged Marriage

A High Calling: Loving My Wife, God's Princess

Cute loving couple is standing and embracing. They are holding a cup of coffee and smiling. The man is kissing a woman with love

A High Summon
Imagine this: you—a son of the Most High, a prince in God’s Kingdom—are summoned to the holy throne of God with a new assignment. He unveils a beautiful woman, pure and radiant. She is adorned in glorious white, clothed in His righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). He locks eyes with you and says, “Behold: your bride, My daughter. Love her and serve her as I have loved and served My Church. Help her to grow into the woman of righteousness I desire her to be.”
This may not have actually occurred in God’s physical Throne Room, but it occurred when you made a covenant.
Do you remember that feeling of terror after meeting your wife’s father or guardian for the first time? I sure do. My father-in-law is a pastor and he has a beautiful relationship with God, but I was sure he was praying that God would strike me dead!
My wife’s parents told me about the kind of man that they wanted for their daughter: a man who would lay down his life to provide for their daughter. A man who would love their daughter with holy and pure love. A man who would cover their daughter.
Do we honestly think that God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth and lover of your wife’s soul (and yours) wants anything less than the best worldly father’s standards?
Your wife is a princess. She is a daughter of the Most High. What mountains would you scale for a princess? What enemies would you fight off for a princess?
A Holy Calling
My marriage is a ministry. I am President and CEO of the ministry of “loving Sarah.” God called and ordained me from the foundation of Creation to be the guardian of this princess’s heart, and love her with everything within me.
How does one love a princess? By seeing the royalty underneath her humanity. My prayer is that I can see the greatness that the Lord deposited into my wife, and fight for her destiny through prayer and undying devotion. There is no one more postured in this princess’s life than her husband—her guardian and lover—to call out and nurture the greatness that lies beneath her earthly frame!
An Honorable Endeavor
When my wife’s parents granted me permission—with huge smiles, I might add—to marry their daughter, I walked away beaming. To put it simply, I was honored. I felt as if Heaven smiled upon me and granted me divine favor.Like an athlete receives a victor’s crown, I felt as though I had finished my course and earned a great reward.
Looking back at the last ten years, I can now see that the reward wasn’t in the permission granted, it has been the journey.
Husbands, God hand-picked you to steward His daughter‘s heart and life. What an honor!
At the end of the day, loving your princess is about discernment. It takes discernment to see God working in a difficult season. It takes discernment to rightly divide God’s truth in an atmosphere thick with deception.
It takes discernment to see anointing and princess-status of the woman you married.
Oh, God, grant us discernment that we may see your beautiful daughter as you do! Don’t let us see her through earth-bound eyes, but help us to catch glimpses of true riches deposited in the hearts of our wives.

Categories
Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

The DNA of a Husband's Leadership

Few Scriptures have provoked more push-back from the world like Ephesians 5:22 which says, “Wives, submit to your husbands.” If you want to stir “a woman scorned” to an hour long tirade, mention this verse. If you want to send forth a rallying cry to manipulators and controllers, to rend marriage into madness, mention this verse.
Many have abused this principle and oppressed the woman’s role in marriage, which has had some horrific ramifications. I have seen husbands use this verse to control their wives, by attaching a “thus saith the Lord” prefix to whatever carnal desires are swirling around in their misguided heads.
Why, oh why does Paul even mention this? If it could potentially do so much damage, cause so much division, and stir so much confusion, what is the problem? This is actually a very beautiful verse. Context, friends, context. After charging the church to “submit to one another,” Paul specifically mentions wives to submit to their husbands. Why? Because he is talking to Christian husbands who will lead and love their wives, as Christ led and loved the Church; it is a two-way street of a wife agreeing to step into her husband’s covering, while the husband, in turn, agrees to cover. I didn’t say smother, and neither did Paul.
Let me clear up some misconceptions about a husband’s leadership.
Ephesians 5 describes a Jesus Who loves and sanctifies His own bride. Paul then relates loving one’s wife to loving one’s own body: nourish, protect, cherish. (Eph. 5:29)
1. Nourish. To nourish means “to nurture to growth.” What would happen if husbands worldwide intentionally fostered spiritual and emotional growth in their wives? Husbands should be incubators for their wives to flourish to be all that God designed them to be! God created a husband’s leadership to bring life. Newsflash: wives have a destiny in Christ, too. Husbands, champion your wife’s growth in Christ, and her purpose in the Kingdom!
2.  Protect. The Latin prefix “pro” means “toward,” while “tect” means cover. As we naturally protect (cover toward) our heads when a book falls off the shelf, I hope I have the same reflexive action to cover my wife when she’s in harm’s way. I experienced this a few years ago when someone verbally attacked my wife in my presence. I felt righteous anger rise up in me and I physically stood up, in front of my wife, and said, “Enough.” Funny how my instinct was to stand in front of her, because my intent was to shield her from danger. Husbands’ leadership in front is to shield their wives and children from oncoming attacks.
3. Cherish. When you cherish someone, you see that person as a precious, priceless treasure. Christ cherished and valued His Bride enough to pour out His blood on her behalf. Hebrews 12:2 says that Jesus “for the prize set before Him” suffered and died on that cross. You were that prize. I was that prize. A husband’s leadership role in his marriage calls him to cherish, value, treasure, adore his wife over all others.
The abuse of Scripture grieves me, but this one especially. What was always intended to be living, vibrant portrait of joyous marriage has been undermined and misapplied. Yes, Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands, but husbands also better be submitted (Eph. 5:21,23). If a man looks at this verse and sees permission for manipulation and emotional and/or spiritual abuse, he is blind and deceived. But nourishing, protecting, and cherishing? That’s a husband that wives want to stand beside.

Categories
Home Marriage

The 2 Ways Being an Proverbs 31 Wife Impacts Your Husband

The wife and husband have breakfast together in his kitchen.

Before you got married you had to have prayed to God to help make you a Proverbs 31 woman and you may have even vowed to be a Proverbs 31 Woman to one special man.
 
Some of those main qualities we find in a Proverbs 31 woman include:

  1. Her Faith in God.
  2. Her relationship with her Husband.
  3. Her mothering towards her children.
  4. Her care for her health.
  5. Her ability to serve.
  6. How she takes care of finances.
  7. How she works with her hands.
  8. How she takes care of the home.
  9. How she uses her time wisely.
  10. How she is a woman of beauty and excellence.

It is awesome when a woman is setting herself to be the woman of her man’s dreams which I can tell you now, any man would love a woman who embodies at least half of those qualities mentioned in Proverbs 31.
 
But, what I would like to tackle today is what impact does it have upon a man when his wife is striving to be the Proverbs 31 each day. This is important because it will encourage you to in knowing that your husband needs you to be striving to grow just like you need him to strive to grow.
 

  1. It makes him feel respected.

When I come home from work each day and my wife, who stays at home with our brand new 2 month old, not only has the baby sleep but the house cleaned and in order, I automatically feel a sense of respect and value.
Now, it’s not like this each day, but she has the desire that every time I come home from work for me to come home to peace and order. This causes me to want to work harder for her to make sure she has everything she needs to continue operating in her role during this season of our lives.
Which quality of being a Proverbs 31 woman causes your husband to feel respected? Maybe you work full time too, so it could be helping manage the finances or even managing the schedule for the family. Find out what your husband values, do it, and I guarantee when he feels respected it will cause him to go the extra mile in everything he does. There is nothing greater for a husband than to know he is loved and respected by his family.
 

  1. It will challenge him to be your Ephesians 5 Husband.

Your husband needs to be challenged because you are co-laborers together which means there are times when he is down and you will pick him up and there are times when you are down and he picks you up. No spouse is perfect and always okay. When you are striving to be the Proverbs 31 woman that will challenge your husband to be the Ephesians 5 husband he has the ability to be.
The Ephesians 5 husband is a man who leads his family well and sets an example as the head of the home. But although he may be the head, the wife is the body. They must work together as a team. This is not a challenge to make someone feel less than, but a challenge in order for one to see how great and necessary they really are. This is very attractive to your husband when you tell him how amazingly powerful he is.
I encourage you to look at that list of the qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman and assess which qualities you could strive to be better at in order to help your husband feel respected or to even challenge him in a healthy way to lead your home like he was created to.  Also, be sure to pray each day that God would cause these qualities to become a part of your nature so you do them without even thinking.

Categories
Communication Marriage Parenting

4 Things to Teach Your Kids About Marriage

My five-year-old daughter is becoming an expert on all things related to womanhood. With my wife pregnant with our third child, Evy packs her shirt with clothes to be like her pregnant Mama. She also tenderly rocks her doll to sleep and speaks sweetly to the doll when it’s “awake.”
She dreams about her future marriage, talking about her wedding day and the man she wants to marry. She fantasizes about getting dressed up in her beautiful white wedding dress and wearing lipstick and earrings and dancing with her future husband. That’s when beads of sweat form on my forehead and I begin think: Who is this man going to be?
 
My ever-present prayer as I watch my daughter dream about her future is “Lord, help me set the standards for my children’s marriages.” As I fall on my face before the ultimate Father, I ask myself four questions that enable me to calibrate how to help my children have tangibly realistic and Godly standards when it comes to shaping their expectations.
 

1. Am I Showing My Kids How A Man Treats a Woman?

With a highly-impressionable three-year old son in the house, the way that he sees me treat his mom is going to shape his interactions with females. If he sees me covering and honoring my wife, and loving her with a pure and selfless love, then I can raise a son that Godly women ask God for. I want to set the standard for my daughter by causing her to mold her standards of a good man by how she sees me treat her mom. Our society has more than enough examples of men-gone-wrong. Do I esteem and cover my wife with the sacrificial love that Christ offers His Bride, laying a foundation for my children to build upon in their own future marriages?
 

2. Are We Demonstrating the Joy of Marriage?

I preach about marriage a lot, but to say that I enjoy my marriage almost seems redundant. But it’s true. There are scores of Christians who believe in the sanctity of marriage, and yet are miserable in their own marriages. But, our marriage brings us joy, and we long to express this joy to our kids. On date nights, we put on nice clothes and can’t contain our excitement. The kids sense our energy as we prepare to spend time together. They smile as we hug and laugh throughout the week. Are we able to continually live out that joy, even in the course of our day-to-day?
 

3. Does My Marriage Create Stability in Our Family?

On Friday afternoons when I come home from work, my daughter scurries up to me and screams, “Daddy! We’re going to be a family this weekend!” This is because my wife excitedly tells our kids on Fridays that Daddy won’t have to work on the upcoming weekend, which means we get to do things together. The litmus test that our families are stable is that our kids enjoy family time. To our little girl, our family isn’t complete when we’re not all together.
 

4. Are We Proving to Our Kids That Marriage God’s Way Works?

My wife and I just celebrated our tenth anniversary. I had planned a weekend getaway for my wife and me, but it dawned on me that anniversaries are also a family event. I brought home a cake for all of us to enjoy and explained to our kids that an anniversary is like a “family birthday,” celebrating the birth of our family together. We want our kids to see that the joy and fullness of our marriage is a result of God’s hand in our marriage and it works!
 
Marriage is an heirloom that we are constantly preparing to hand on to the next generation. The world won’t teach your children about marriage God’s way. What are you teaching your children about marriage?

Categories
Communication Home Marriage

Setting My Wife Up For Success

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

Reconcile Your Past Relationships to Gain Access to Your Future

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As I was preparing for bed, I stood in front of my mirror and suddenly I had an epiphany: I have never owned up to the things I’ve done to my ex. It was a weird and random thought and I had no real reason to think of him considering it has been five years since I’ve spoken to him and five years since my husband rescued me from the destructive cycle of on again off again with my ex.
It was as if staring at myself as I brushed my hair opened up a part of me that I had never explored. I made myself into a victim not only in that relationship, but every relationship that I had been in. I mean, I’ve dealt with some issues. But, I created so many problems with my past partners and it was as if God said to me that I need to own up to them in order to have a successful marriage.
 
My boyfriend before my husband was probably my most significant past relationship because of the type of influence he had over me. I set the tone for our relationship early on when I cheated on him. It was something I was punished for during our entire three years. Months later, we went through a life-changing event and I became completely emotionally dependent on him and he took advantage of it, getting money and other things out of me that I would have never given to him otherwise.
I sometimes sit back and think to myself, “Was that me?” It seems like another life. In the past I used my experience with him to gain sympathy from other men that I took interest in because I had this need to be “rescued.” My own victimization took place of my reality as I exaggerated what had occurred and conveniently left out the fact that I hurt him too.
Though I apologized and tried to make it right, I still made him into a monster for my benefit. He wasn’t a monster; he was upset and confused as to why I would continuously hurt him.
 
I understand now that I had this incessant, insatiable need to feel wanted and loved. No one could have been enough for me; not until I allowed God back into my life. I realized that because I was so sick, I felt that God didn’t love me so I searched for those who would love me.
But, no amount of pseudo-kindness would fill the void in my life. When I did pray for my husband to come as I mentioned in a previous post, I was still in search of that “filler,” but no one would do. Thankfully, I kept that mustard-seed faith in the back of my heart and God delivered. I am now a new creature in Him and with my husband.
 
Lately, I’ve noticed that I am adopting that same victim mentality that plagued me before. Not that I am turning to anyone else for attention, but that I am using it to get attention from my husband. Because he knows me so well, he doesn’t entertain my sometimes childish behavior which, of course, leaves me unsatisfied.
It was that night that as I was preparing for bed that I finally understood that my own bad behavior in my past was resurfacing its way into my present and future. I thought I had put away these bad behaviors, but I only masked it so that I could be the “best wife” to my husband.
 
Without acknowledging the life I used to live, I cannot continue to make my husband happy. I also realized that not only did I need to forgive myself and my ex in order to move forward; I needed to apologize to those I have wronged.
There needs to be reconciliation in order for there to be a new creature. The word declares, “For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.” (2 Corinthians 5:19).  Without Christ’s reconciliation to the world, we would not have the opportunity of eternal life. Without the reconciliation of my past, I would not have the opportunity of an eternal marriage.
 
So, as I stared at myself I saw all of my faults and flaws and I said, “I am sorry.” Not only to myself and to God, but to my ex who had to endure the things I did to him, to those I hurt for my own selfish gain, and  to my husband who had to try to decipher all of my mood swings and bad feelings because I never let go of my past.
 

Categories
Engaged Parenting

Six Marriage Lessons Putt-Putt Taught Me

I soared down the highway to my house after work on a Tuesday evening. My wife loaded the minivan with the diaper bag. We loaded our two kids into their car-seats and soared down the highway again. This time, we drove to my parents’ house. Free babysitting!
 
Closing the car doors as we said goodbye to our kids, we maintained our composure. But, as the driver’s side door slammed, we burst into laughter as though we had just escaped from prison! We were going on a date and it had been a long week.
 
As we pulled into the parking lot, we felt like kids again. I aim to be romantic. I love taking my wife to fancy dinners. But, sometimes we just need to play hard! Our date that night was putt-putt golf, and we couldn’t have been more excited!
 
SWSCONFERENCE
Putt-putt can be a deeply profound and revealing experience.  As we avoided the puddles, blocks, obstacles, and strove to balance our swing to make it through the loops of the circus-themed putt-putt course, we were amazed by what we learned.
 
Here are six marriage skills I learned from putt-putt:
 
1. Don’t cheer when your spouse fails. 
We wanted one another to make it! Sure, there were friendly jabs and jests as each of us would grunt in frustration over missing the hole, but in all 18 holes, we wanted one another to succeed! When your spouse misses the mark, be their biggest, most vocal cheerleader!
 
2. Give each other do-overs.
The twists and turns of a putt-putt course are purposefully designed to be frustrating. With just the two of us playing, we set one another up for success by allowing “mulligans,” or “do-overs.” In Luke 6:36, Jesus tells us to be merciful. Apply this to marriage.When, not if, one of you misses the mark, offer a merciful, glorious “do-over.”
 
3. Turn off your brain for an evening.
It feels so good to give stress an eviction notice. My wife and I proposed that, for an evening, we would simply be together and not try to figure everything out. Too often husbands and wives engage in “beast mode” and are always taking care of the business of the household instead of focusing on one another.
 
4. Be patient while your spouse triumphs.
Putt-putt and golf in general are patience sports. Watching my wife methodically plot out each stroke of the club was inspiring and insightful into how her mind works.In marriage, be intentional about watching how your spouse navigates life’s demands. Don’t look at your phone and tune out. Celebrate each hole-in-one with your spouse through every season!
 
5. Play together more.
Similar to #3, but still unique. Plan playtime. We didn’t accidentally end up at a putt-putt golf course, I planned an outing that stepped outside of the “thirty-somethings” box and we felt like teenagers dating again!The couple that plays together stays together! Marriages that don’t make time for fun are in danger of taking themselves too seriously. My wife and I agreed that “play dates” are going to become a new norm for our date nights.
 
6. Throw away the score card.
I still have the score card from the first time I ever played putt-putt with my wife. But as a married couple, I threw this one away. Keeping track of our progress was fun, but what we want to remember about our marriage is that we can’t lose when we’re together.
 
 
How do you and your spouse have fun? What do life’s moments reveal about your marriage?
 
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