Categories
Is She the One?
Month: March 2014
While doing some spring cleaning, I found this book that I read while I was single. I started reading it again to gain some insight to help me identify with single women. As I started going through the book, I realized it was blessing me all over again. It is mostly geared toward single women but there is a lot of wisdom for married women as well. I encourage you to buy this book, Lady in Waiting (Developing Your Love Relationships) by Debby Jones and Jackie Kendall
I will be highlighting some chapters from this book in 4 consecutive posts.
Chapter 1-Lady of Reckless Abandonment
When Ruth followed Naomi, she was leaving everything that she knew behind. Ruth was a Moabite, and the Moabites came from Moab. Moab was the son of incest between Lot and his older daughter. His daughters deceitfully tricked their father to sleep with them so that they can preserve their bloodline. (Genesis 19: 34-37)The Moabites did not worship God they worshipped pagan gods. Ruth wanted to turn from the evil she learned as a Moab and from her kinsman and wanted to know the only true and living God, the God she learned about from Naomi. Do you have anything or anyone in your life that you need to leave behind?
“Whenever a single woman decides to abandon herself completely to Jesus, as Ruth did, she will find herself out of step with society and sometimes even with her friends.” (Lady in Waiting)
During my time being single, I had to evaluate some relationships (these were Christians) that were unhealthy for my single journey. If you have to defend your morals, decisions, or you feel spiritually unsafe when you are around certain people then it’s time separate or cut off the relationship completely. The people in your close circle should be those that respect you, build you up and encourage you.
Proverbs 17:17 (NLT) says that “A friend is always loyal,
and a brother is born to help in time of need.”
You should not feel defensive or like this friend does not have your best interest at heart. They also should be there for you in good times and during the hard times.
Red flag sayings would be, “it doesn’t take all that” or “you think you are holier than thou”. If you have anxiety and have to be “prayed up” before you hang out with them, then that is a good indication that you need to have a “friend-ectomy”. This may be permanent or temporary. I am still friends with some friends that I had to distance myself from. The ones that are still in my life now understand why I had to make this decision and they have since decided to allow Jesus to fully guide their life. The “friend-ectomy” will not only be a blessing to you, but to them. I at one time was one of those friends that was a bad influence. I was hurt that some of my friends distanced themselves or cut me off, but when I became born again I was thankful they did. I did not know I was doing wrong until they showed me. Their walk during the time of our friendship blessed me. I saw them take a stand for Jesus and I didn’t understand it then, but I did later. I now have some dear friends that I call my sisters. I can be myself with them and can count on them for anything. Now it’s time to for you to evaluate some relationships. Remember to always ask God how to approach the relationships and do what He tells you to do. The Holy Spirit will guide you during this procedure, it might be uncomfortable in the beginning but you both will be blessed in the end.
On behalf of Married and Young, I will be blessing someone with this book. In order to enter into the drawing you have to do two things:
- Follow Married and Young on Facebook
- Commented on at least one of the 4 posts of the Lady in Waiting Series on Married and Young
If I get one more invite to a “single’s skating party” or a “single’s potluck” I am going to scream. Do not get me wrong, I am an advocate of social environments that includes both physical activity and enjoying the delectable treats that are shared amongst semi-known acquaintances. I even consider it a sport of amusement in trying to figure out what is actually in that dish that the “new girl” made and keeps offering for everyone to try (I once tried to make an apple crisp but it just didn’t crisp up like my mom’s lol). These environments are intended to minimize the internal loneliness that the attendees are dealing with and are placed amongst a group of individuals that they do not know and forced in to an even more isolated feeling because they are not really sure if it is a safe zone.
Networking is an art; that’s why there are books, classes, seminars, workshops, webinars etc. etc. on how to engage in social environments.
1. Is that what singles are looking for when going out; to develop skills on being involved in socially awkward atmospheres?
2. Are you going to events with the hope that it will be the beginning of a fairy tale love story?
3. What are we really saying when we only offer to the unmarried cake and punch and corral them in to a roller rink?
Now if you are in the midst of planning or attending your church’s 27th annual “Saved Singles Skating Bash”, this is not to say that it shouldn’t continue. It is more of an inquiry to ask about the purpose and expectation of the results.
4. What are the results from the single events you have attended?
5. Have you seen the unmarried remain faithful to the principles of the Bible?
6. Are you producing the Fruits of the Spirit or are you involved with reoccurring lifestyle choices that do not exhibit an encounter with the living God?
Any time that we gather together in Jesus’ name, people should be able to feel comfortable, discuss challenges, have the ability to be transparent and have discussions about solutions to live a life pleasing to our Heavenly Father. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty and joy! Proverbs 11:14 “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety (NKJV).”
I want to challenge you to seek after more of God. There is so much to discover about His plans for our lives, which far surpass temporal satisfaction. God is the creator of all things, and delights in us seeking after Him. Being unmarried is not boring and you do not have to feel awkward about your marital status.
Pray and ask God to guide you in to environments with individuals that are likeminded in desiring to fulfill the work of the Lord. If your local assembly does not have a group for the unmarried, ask your pastor and start something small at your house. You can have a potluck and Bible study…plus I’ve got a great recipe for apple crisp.
I would love to hear some feedback from you. Comment below with your answers to these questions.
INS
Growing up in the church I constantly heard about the virtuous woman, but I never heard about the virtuous man. I finally learned about it at a men’s conference. They referenced Psalm 112 to describe a virtuous man.
Praise the Lord! Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments! His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous. It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with justice. For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries. He has distributed freely; he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever; his horn is exalted in honor. The wicked man sees it and is angry; he gnashes his teeth and melts away; the desire of the wicked will perish!
Let’s break down these scriptures and analyze what it is to be a Psalm 112 man.
- The Psalm 112 Man is Obedient
The Psalm 112 man loves God and displays His love by obeying Him. The Psalm 112 man is guided by God in everything he does.
- The Psalm 112 Man has a Strong Legacy
Because of his obedience, the Psalm 112 man has a strong legacy. The strong and lasting legacy that he has set is faith in God. Because of his faith in God his family is blessed by God for generations to come.
- The Psalm 112 Man is a Provider
God has blessed each and everyone one of us with gifts that are not designed only to give Him glory, but to help us in providing for our families. It is important that we know who God is so that He may show us who we are. Each and everyone of us is blessed so that we can be a blessing to our family and those around us.
- The Psalm 112 Man is Gracious, Merciful and Righteous
Because the Psalm 112 man is guided by God, he reflects the character of God. He is quick to listen and slow to anger. He recognizes the grace and mercy that God has extended to him and pays it forward. And like Abraham, his faith in God will be counted unto him as righteousness. For righteousness is the obedience of faith to God’s will.
- The Psalm 112 Man is Generous
As stated before the, Psalm 112 man provides for his family and those around him. According to 2 Corinthians 9:6, if we give sparingly, we will receive sparingly, but if we give generously, we will receive generously. This scripture is directly speaking about money, but this also applies to our time and talent as well. While money is good, money isn’t everything. We must also be willing to give of ourselves generously as well.
- The Psalm 112 Man Trusts in The Lord
My father told me that as a husband and a father I am the leader. He said that if I freak out, they (my wife and kids) will freak out. A Psalm 112 man believes the scripture 2 Timothy 1:7 which says:
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
The Psalm 112 man lives a life of power, love and a sound mind. When a situation seems bleak, the Psalm 112 man waits on God’s command and acts on that command. The Psalm 112 man trusts in God.
- The Psalm 112 Man will be Hated
Jesus obeyed God and they crucified Him. What makes you think you’ll be spared? Understand that when you follow God, not everyone will love you. You could discover the cure for cancer and someone will curse you for taking so long. Be obedient and unapologetically follow God. All that matters is that You hear, “well done My good and faithful servant” when you get to heaven.
I love reading Psalm 112, it helps me to understand who I am to be as a man. It isn’t a complete and exhaustive guide, but it does give me direction.
From the Desk of the Modern Day Cindi: Inspired by the vulnerability of my husband and the safety and trust he finds in me as his wife the following words change EVERYTHING!
“Laying in her lap conveying my fears and pain, trusting her with the most emotionally naked parts of me.”
Emotionally Naked………WOW! When I first read it, I was speechless, honored, and humbled. That one sentence, said so much with just a few words. What I inferred and what was implied is undoubtedly the key that unlocks so many doors in my heart, especially my ability to give to him- equally vulnerable, emotionally naked, and SUBMISSIVE.
Now it would be totally improper to discuss marriage and not quickly stroll down the valley of that highly misinterpreted, fearfully misunderstood and consistently misapplied subject of SUBMISSION. Submission has turned into a foul word. Wives are taught that they must do it and husbands are taught to expect it, neither of which are untrue or errant (Ephesians 5:22). However, some women have been berated with it which has fostered fear and disdain and some men have used it as a battle axe and possibly a guilt mechanism. The issue carries so much weight that many have ran from the potential of a healthy marriage because of this stigma.
Submission was ordained! It should be a pillar of, and a bridge to, fruitful marriages giving deference to the hierarchy within the covenant of husband and wife. In some instances, what was purposed to create a path to freedom and trust, has equaled emotional confinement; what was designed to build homes has unintentionally broken them; and what was created to belt out harmony under God, has now hit mute notes and fell on deaf ears. Oooh Submission! I would classify it as a hurdle-not an impossible feat- that requires strengthening, flexibility, training, fearlessness and trust in the process. Submission is not slavery nor should it leave anyone voiceless, but because so much has been given away prematurely before marriage and wagered in matters of the heart before covenant is entered, some, if not all of our ability to operate in faith and total obedience to God’s plan is stifled and even lost. So how can women reach peace in submission and how can men partner to support God’s plan? My answer: There has to be Equality in vulnerability e.g. emotional nakedness.
Many women say that they want to be loved so hard that it makes them submit, in other words the love is so apparent that the negative stigma of submission is neither present nor relevant.
In Ephesians 5:21-28 (The Message) Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing…25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty.
Submission should not be dreaded or hated… it should be welcomed as not a loss of control, but an opportunity that creates anew, it is not about bowing to a person but yielding control to the Lord as your leader. It is in this willing service, that your heart and mind are at peace which permits the barriers to vulnerability to come down allowing you to be “Emotionally Naked.”
Categories
Wives, You Cannot Do Bad All By Yourself
Recently my wife and I celebrated 6 months of marriage! It feels like we were just honeymooning yesterday! We don’t have the marriage thing down completely, but we have learned a couple things. Here’s 6 of my favorites that I’ve learned in the first six months:
1. My wife is the best.
She really is. She’s my cheerleader, my partner, and best friend. She’s there when no one else is and thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. And we’ll leave it that way for now.
2. We don’t fight.
We really don’t. There’s nothing too big worth fighting for. I don’t demand anything be my-way-or-the-highway and Julie is the same way. If either of us find something worth fighting about, we stop and think, is this worth bringing up and ending in a possible quarrel? It’s probably not.
3. It isn’t 50/50 it’s 100/100.
I never look at Julie and say, “If I give this 50%, you have to give that 50%.” There is no giving only when the other one gives. I give no matter what she does. She gives no matter what I do. What happens when two people both give freely? Marriage ends up being 100/100. We freely give to each other, expecting nothing in return and no strings attached.
4. It’s a constant party.
There’s is NOTHING worth living in a constant pity party over! Life might deal you a tough hand of cards, but guess what? You still have cards. You could have none. There have been things that happened to me that I could be bitter over but it’s not worth it. Our marriage is a constant party that no one can crash!
5. Life is better together.
Single life was great. It really was. But marriage is even better. Yes, times will get tough, but I’d rather face it together than face it alone. I look at Julie as my helpmate, not my opposition. But most of the time, marriage is GREAT. So she’s there to party with me. TWO is better than ONE.
6. Marriage is easier than what people told me it would be.
Many people told me the things we’d fight over, the areas that would be tough, the challenges we would have to overcome. Honestly, we haven’t experienced them at all. Have they come up? Sure. But never have they been something we saw as a “challenge” or problem. Marriage is what you make of it, and we’ve made it great!
With much interest and recent attention being paid to the subject of dating, courting and marriage amongst Christians, I find that this heightened interest is bringing both good and bad to the overall discussion. Among the good, people are becoming more interested in honoring God through relationships, loving biblically and planning family. Some of the bad however is the attempts by many well meaning Christians to “Simplify” the subject and content all together.
While appealing to the common person, the attempt to simplify dating and marriage also brings to forefront certain inevitable expenses that most would regret while in the journey of matrimony. It’s quite comical that people think that you can simplify, reduce or approach a subject that involves the eternal joining of two very complex lives. To be clear, every human being on the planet , has their individual complexities. They have certain strengths, weaknesses, tendencies and perspectives that may be ironic, contradictory or even polar for some. The point is, no matter what contemporary spin we apply towards the ancient phenomena of marriage, it will always be a complex issue that should involve very deliberate and very careful processes that lead to its beginning and justify its right to be!
This writing is about what I believe to be a biblically accurate model for Dating and Marriage. Its truths are applicable to both those pursuing marriage and those already married. To begin, I want to apply some pressure to God’s ideas with the first marriage.
Genesis 2 : 18 NIV “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”
God’s idea, was that the Mate role and function, should be SUITABLE. To be suitable means to Fit, To Match, To Complete or To Compliment. When we consider those ideas, especially in a romantic scenario we often prioritize COMPATIBLITY over SUITABILITY. God clearly, is not interested in compability or things in common per se, as He is another persons life design and purpose, matching yours. For this reason, it is very important to be clear about what God has designed you to be and do, with detail, before you involve someone else in the ambiguity of your life.
Destiny, is a term that we use to describe God’s ideas, plans and highest goals for your existence. Destiny, is the reason you have a Birthday, Destiny is the reason why you constantly escape death. When we view our dating interests our spousal prospects through this lens, it really does refine our selection. Our eternal covenant with another human being has to go far beyond, “What’s your favorite color? or What do you like?” or merely “Are you available?” It should include, How does my life’s purpose coincide with or compliment or amplify yours? A suitable mate is not a simple find. A compatible one is. A simple ad on a website or a casual blind date, will supply you with a compatible prospect. But finding the right FIT for you purpose, is how you will guarantee (even with inevitable struggles and challenges) your FUTURE security.
As believers, God never wants us to meet an immediate need for companionship and compromise our FUTURE fulfillment. The answer to this is patience, wisdom and gainful insight about what God wants OUT of your life. Think to yourself, “What did God intend for my life to accomplish? The answer to that is the BEST matchmaker. If you’re a person that knows very little about your self, you may not be the right candidate to date at the moment. You cant realistically even articulate what you bring to the table. As you acquaint yourself with your lifes assignment, you will now have parameters for what you and your purpose NEEDS in a mate.
Think about it, God pulling a rib from Adam was a quick process, but was not “simple” to any degree. It was quite complex. Considering your life, value systems, passions, giftings, callings, potential and purpose, will prevent any spirit filled believer from a casual attitude on dating. To those serious about fulfilling God’s design, DESTINY is the core of the dating experiment. Loneliness, a need for company or age is not enough. We need God’s heart on who we’ve been called to be. That information will level the playing field, eliminate certain prospects and highlight those that are worth your effort.
Oh yea, to the married, get to know your SPOUSES purpose and devote energy to it. Many of you may be thinking “It doesn’t take all that” but In marriage, the highest covenant of two individual human beings, it takes ALL THAT and a little more. This will provide a more complete, fulfilling and powerful marriage. To know what God was thinking about your spouse when they were born, is one of the highest forms of intimacy you can have! Also, makes for a great sex life!
Let DESTINY do your dating!
In Him,
Dr. Matthew Stevenson