Tag: love

Categories
Engaged Marriage Parenting

3 Biblical Earmarks of a Good Wife

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. (Proverbs 21:19 NIV)

I always had a bit of a problem with the phrase, “Happy wife, happy life.” It made me feel as if I could disrupt an entire place of solitude if I was unhappy. That my husband would forever have to walk on eggshells to ensure a peaceful home. Because heaven forbid I get upset; I would make life miserable for everyone in our household. Those are the thoughts I would get anytime I heard this phrase. It made me mad and yet confused. Is it true that the entire well being and happiness of my house depends on me? That if I get mad or upset everyone is doomed to suffer?

Well I decided to look at what God says… So I stumble across the verse above Proverbs 21:19. By the way, this isn’t the only verse like that. In Proverbs there are a few verses that state it’s better to live on the rooftop then share a house with a quarrelsome wife. I guess that is the equivalent to sleeping on the couch back in the day. Wow! So even the Bible warns about an unhappy nagging wife. But what does that mean for me? Am I never to have bad days or never argue my point?

WRONG! There’s only a handful of verses on the nagging wife part, however there’s a whole lot more on what a good wife is. And although many of us have looked at the Proverbs 31 woman as daunting and unrealistic, there is some great concepts on what a good wife is. Here are some of the things I’ve learned:

1. What she says is worthwhile and kindness is on her tongue. The key here is: Think about what you are going to say. Your words have impact and can bring life or death. Even if you are correcting your children or husband, watch your words. Notice it says the “law” of kindness. The Greek word for law here is Tworah meaning direction or instruction. She gives direction and instruction through kindness. Whether that means you have to take a breather to calm down from the situation or you have to speak softer without harsh words. You can give instruction and correction without belittling or tearing down.

2. She brings him good not harm all the days of her life. This goes hand in hand with the previous point. Your husband is counting on you to be a blessing to him. “But you don’t understand how he frustrates me!” Okay, maybe he does things that bug you or maybe there is a lack of things he doesn’t do. Whatever it may be, speak to the man who you want him to become. Treat him as though he is everything you could ever want in a husband. Do it even when he doesn’t deserve it. Because chances are, he gets frustrated with you too. Give grace and uplift him. Before you know it, the man you treat him as won’t be able to hide anymore. If you see the gold in him he will begin to believe it. If you say and treat him as the best husband in the world, he will begin to see himself like that. Do the same with your kids. See the gold in them and bring it out. 

3. And last, she laughs at the days to come. This indicates to me that all of her days are not easy. Yet she doesn’t let the circumstances determine her joy. She is filled with joy in all situations. Noticed I said joy, happiness can be circumstantial, but joy is a way of being. It is choosing to stay joyful even in frustrating or difficult situations. Sure there may be days that you cry, days that you shout, but at the end of it all you know that your joy runs deep. It runs deep with roots into the everlasting joy of knowing that you are a daughter of an incredible Father who loves you.

I think for me the saying “Happy wife, happy life” is totally true. However, I don’t depend on my husband or children to determine my happiness. I choose to stay joyful and happy in all things. Do I have my bad days, sure, we all do. But I know that my state of happiness is dependent on MY CHOICE to stay joyful. And yes I am a happy wife, therefore I choose to bring life to everyone around me. Be a Happy Wife, Bring Life. 

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Marriage

Obedience Brings the Blessing

Has God ever given you a word or told you to do something that seemed so crazy that you were afraid to tell your spouse? After a fight with my supervisor, God told me to leave my job. How could I face my family if I leave my secure position, my health insurance and my pay check? It just didn’t make any sense. I was convinced that it was my subconscious but God sent me signs. He even had strangers talk to me! They all brought me the same word: “God is ready to elevate you; you need to do whatever He is telling you to do.” I finally decided to tell him. I was afraid of his reaction but he simply said, “I’ll support any decision that you make.” I couldn’t believe my ears. Here’s what I learned:

  • Your blessing is intertwined with your spouse’s.

“26 See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse— 27 the blessing if you obey the commands of the Lord your God that I am giving you today…” Deuteronomy 11:26-27
If your spouse receives a word from God, don’t discourage him/her from listening. God will never tell your spouse to do something without already making preparations for you and your family. Your spouse will never make a decision that will purposely hurt your family. He/she is just as thoughtful and scared as you are but their obedience as well as your obedience (by supporting your spouse) will bring a blessing.
If you receive a word, trust your spouse enough to talk to him/her. Even if you don’t receive the response that you want, God will create an opportunity for your spouse to be in-sync with you. Whenever my husband’s faith in my decision wavered, I asked him to pray for me but it was really for him. I needed him to be on-board with God’s word.

  • Fighting God will only lead to destruction.

“…28the curse if you disobey the commands of the Lord your God and turn from the way that I command you today…” Deuteronomy 11:28
As obedience brings a blessing likewise disobedience brings a curse. Not all Christians can identify the voice of God. If you are reverenced enough to do so and refuse to listen not only will you forfeit your blessing, you bring a curse on both you and your family. When I heard from God, I should have listened immediately. While I was questioning His authority over my life, my job became increasingly unsafe for me physically, mentally, and spiritually. My husband was also struggling with his job at the same time. He was being lied on and almost lost his position. We could not understand why this was happening to the two of us. It wasn’t until I decided that I will leave, that my husband was released from the bondage of his job. At the time, I didn’t actually leave yet but I let my job know that I would be leaving at the end of the year. I was partially listening…I tried to appease God and myself but, of course, I can’t outsmart God! I became an angry person who was unable to do her job. God used my coworker to reveal to me what I was doing wrong. I’ll never forget what she said “You are hindering your husband’s blessing.” I fell a part. That Sunday, I received my breakthrough at church and I haven’t been back to my job since. Opportunities and ideas have opened up for us that I know would not have if I continued to ignore God.
Obedience to God means having faith in Him and sometimes faith in your spouse. Trust him/her enough to talk about the direction that God is leading you in. Don’t be afraid to allow God to take control of your life because it will lead to greater opportunities for you and your family.

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Parenting

4 Ways Marriage Has Made Me a Better Human Being

Jonnese and I met each other my senior year of high school. There’s no way I would’ve predicted that years later, at the young age of 20, I would be married! If you knew me at all, just the thought of that is insane! My relationships didn’t last more than three months, life was one big party constantly lived for the moment and I was nowhere near a healthy, stable or mature state to be responsible for other lives let alone my own highly dysfunctional self.

I should’ve been the last of my friends to settle down and be serious about marriage and this whole “starting a family” thing. In fact, I thought it was a joke! The pursuit I had for my life was for the pleasure and success of me. But as we all know, God tends to have extremely different plans.

Anyone who’s had children or married young will tell you, it challenges you to grow up and mature pretty quickly. Not everyone does, but any sincere person who cares for the well being of their child and spouse has to make changes and make them immediately for their survival; mentally and physically.

Although I never planned to get married and have a family young I don’t at all regret it. I thank God because my family saved me from the destructive path I was on, reeled me in and molded me into a better person for so many reasons.

Marriage has taught me:

  1. To Accept Differences

Sure everyone is different, we know that much. Different races, personalities and backgrounds are things we briefly encounter day to day. But what happens when you have to live with those differences every day and it affects you in a personal way.

Well, honestly you’re forced to understand, respect and work those differences out if your marriage is going to have any chance of surviving. Because you will be more different than you thought!

In the beginning its cute. It’s interesting! Its no big deal. Until you realize you handle struggles differently, you communicate differently which creates barriers when conflict arises or now you have kids and raise them differently based on your individual backgrounds. Differences can easily create conflict in the home. What was once tolerable shortly becomes intolerable when it imposes on your life personally.

Marriage forces you to identify those differences, come to a full understanding of one another and mutually agree on how to work through them on a day to day basis to gain a common goal; a healthy growing family. When you can master this in your home, it’s only preparation for being able to deal with the differences we will face in our world in a positive manner.

 

  1. To Forgive the Unforgivable

Let face it, human mistakes won’t end just because you said “I do.” We’ve been raised on fairy-tale endings of happily ever after, but what really did Snow White and Prince Charming face long after they rode into the sunset?

Perfection and completion finishing at the altar of marriage just isn’t reality. In fact, your spouse may disappoint you a number of times as you will them. As imperfect humans we make mistakes, we learn, we grow from them. And boy is marriage a life lesson of learning and growing.

When you’re in a marriage, two become one, and so everything they do directly affects you. There’s no equal unity so closely bonded like a marriage. No relationship we ever have is like our marriage and so we may have never experienced this dynamic where every choice, no matter how big or how small, one person makes impacts our own life every time in such a personal way.

That includes their mistakes. They will mess up. They will do things the wrong way. They will say the wrong things at the wrong time. They will make you question how this will continue to work this way.

That’s what happens when two imperfect people come together. They become an imperfect couple. But grace is the substance that makes the unworkable, somehow work. So we forgive and we grow again and again and again.

And just when it seems like we got it, we do it all over again. It is the God kind of love that keeps marriages fueled. When we can master the act of grace in our homes, from experience we’re taught how to extend constant grace towards others in the outside world.

 

  1. To Not be Reactive

Reactive behavior is when our choices and behaviors are dependent on the choices and behaviors of others rather than us being responsible for our own selves. Thing like, “they made me act this way” or “maybe if they didn’t do this then I wouldn’t have done this”. It absolves us of all responsibility for ourselves. It’s when our behavior is determined by and reacts base on someone else. Reactive people are ruled by feelings and conditions.

On the other hand proactive people don’t blame others or circumstances for their behavior but act from their own conscious choice based on their values. They determine to focus their efforts on the positive things they can do to shift the situation.

For example, I’m not going to curse you out just because you cursed me out. That doesn’t align with the foundational values I stand on in my life and so I choose to not be reactive by letting your actions determine my own.

When you’re married, again, everything the other person does always affects you personally just from being one and sharing the same living space every day; from their behavior, reactions, language, word choice, etc. In every healthy relationship at some point someone has to choose peace and the bigger picture over being “right”. That’s choosing not to be proactive and not reactive.

If you want your marriage to survive you soon find that retaliation, revenge and pushing buttons back goes nowhere but down. So you quickly learn, or need to learn, the self-discipline of not being reactive. When we can master the choice to not be reactive based on the behaviors of others we can then go out into the world making positive changes rather than conforming to every negative circumstance.

 

  1. To Commit to a Life of Sacrifice

Marriage is sacrifice period. Biblically both leave their families and cleave to one another to begin a new family. The wife submits to the headship of her husband and the husband lays down his life to accommodate his wife time and time again. There’s this ongoing balance of sacrifice consistently being made.

There’s this quote I love that says, “Great marriages are made when husbands and wives make a lot of everyday choices that say ‘I love you’ rather than choices that say ‘I love me’.

And the truth is, in order for any relationship to work there has to be a mutual willingness to sacrifice for one another otherwise it becomes one sided and the other person will soon feel taken advantage of. That kind of model will collapse and won’t last long anytime someone feels unappreciated or unnoticed.

Marriage takes financial sacrifices, sacrificing what I want to do for what you want to do, sacrificing self-fulfilling desires, sacrificing time and much more. You’ve made a vow to commit your life to this person as your partner and you as their support through good and bad till death do you part. And every day you are dedicating to upkeep this vow mostly out of the goodness of love. Learning to make these kinds of sacrifices, putting another’s life and interests before your own, day in and day out teaches you tremendously the heart of sacrifice when it comes to those around you.

When I look back on the person I use to be and was headed towards I can honestly say that marriage has kept me grounded and matured me. It has made me a better human being in general because of the way its molded my heart to learn how to work through and accept the differences of others, to extend grace a midst mistakes, to maintain a positive reaction and live a life of sacrifice. Sometimes we focus so heavy on being ready for marriage that we don’t realize many times it’s the marriage that shapes us.

Was this helpful and is there anything marriage has taught you in growing to become a better person? Don’t be afraid to comment below! I’d love to hear back from you.

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Dating/Courting Home

The Problem with Dating

Dating is a selection process, to determine whether a person is the right one through compatibility and ‘feel good’ approaches. Courting is a Choosing God’s Best or God’s Word-based selection process- to which you measure the person based on Christ-likeness and suitability.
The problem with dating is that dating (if done without any intention of commitment) is a practice for divorce. For instance, when you or those close to you figure that there is something you don’t like about a person, you’re out- leaving the other person feeling abandoned in thier feelings. Dating gives you the freedom to be more judgmental and critical of the other person. In courtship you focus on yourself and (getting the ‘speck out of your eye’) prepare yourself for the other person- regardless of their flaws and imperfections.
You date often with your guard up, and having many dating partners can take away from you’re “stick-to-it-ness” or your desire to be committed to anyone. Whenever commitment is brought up in a dating relationship- the decision making process to commit to them on greater levels comes with confusion, maybe even contention, as you try to figure out the real reason why you’re in the relationship to begin with.
Courting allows you to hear from God early on and get confirmation that will cause you to develop in your loyalty to them as time goes on. In dating, you can tend to hold the other person at gunpoint- or have an imaginary rubric that you’re grading them on- which in most cases is unfair the other person is revealing their true self (flaws and all). In courtship you shouldn’t have to prove or put pressure on yourself to be a specific person.
In courtship- Be yourself! Courtship is when you allow yourself and the other person to be who they are- and you allow God’s word concerning husband and wife to guide you in the match-making process. This process helps you work on forgiveness, transparency, reconciliation; and if there is a rupture in the relationship, restoration is another process. Dating teaches breaking up as a means to resolve issues. Courtship teaches making up, restoration, reconciliation, forgiveness, and unconditional love.
Courtship prepares you to be a gift to the other person, and even with ths other person’s flaws and all, you allow God to present that person to you as a gift. For two are better than one. How great is it to have another person in your life who prays for you on the companionship level- and their committed.
Courtship brings about transparency. Dating protects only you and not the other person. Courtship is when you both fight together. Dating brings about hidden agendas, secrets, and unfair expectations on the other person through veiled emotions.
In the back of a dating person’s mind is the question: “Can I really be loyal to this person?” In courtship, you answer that question early on with the help of the Holy Spirit, and you understand that I can be loyal to the person with God’s help (to which there is nothing that can separate us except God’s revelation to the both of us).
However the problem exists when two people are in a relationship, but one person is dating (them in their mind) and the other is courting (the other person in their mind). In that situation, there is no mutual agreement (Amos 3:3). This means you two need to start talking, reasoning, and consider what is before you. If not, in this scenario, there will be a clash of intention, will, and desire. This could lead to one person being covenant minded, and the other person convenience minded moving forward.
There needs to be an understanding, that if Christ is in this relationship then we must acknowledge Him first, and He will direct your paths. Prayer, fasting, and studying the Word together will allow you to grow together in the Vision of God for your lives. Do not allow the enemy to divide you amongst wills, but get on the same page through commitment, loyalty, and purity first.
 
 
M&Y Guest Writer: Brian K.Cunningham is a highly sought after motivational speaker, life coach. An ordained minister and author of 7 books ranging from self-help to fiction, Brian is a proven leader amongst his peers. Brian has a B.S. in Psychology, M.A. in Teaching, and a Doctorate in Christian Education & Counseling. Brian is a Board certified Pastoral Counselor and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Brian is available for conferences, retreats, Christian counseling and small group sessions. Brian’s ministry specializes in deliverance, healing, restoration, reconciliation, faith, stewardship, all in the name of Christian education and counseling.
 
 

Categories
Engaged Marriage

Is Your Marriage Purpose Driven?

In order to have a purpose Driven Marriage, you must operate in the:
The power of Agreement
Amos 3:3 states clearly, “How can two people walk together unless they can agree…?” As couple, we must work out every issue with agreement in mind. Two people must be courageous enough to see eye to eye or else they’ll be going ‘eye for an eye’.
A couples’ maturity depends on their mutual understanding of the purpose for their relationship. Whenever one or both people don’t understand the purpose of dating, courting, or marriage then abuse is inevitable. This means that you will destroy a relationship, if there is no purpose or mutual end goal. I’ve set in my heart that dating is for marriage.
Courtship is to discover yourself and the other person in relationship to you being “God’s Best” for them in the aspect of service, sacrifice, and suitability. Marriage is when you bring all that you are into a loving, committed, and Holy union. Therefore, there has to be some strict agreements. Before you marry a person, check their commitment history. Do they break commitments often? Do they have a shaky relationship history when it comes to keeping their word? Marriage is not a contract but marriage is Covenant. Contracts can be broken, but covenant commitments are purposed last a lifetime.
The power of Emergence
A sense of urgency is so important for couples to make it last. Acts 2:45 expresses that the early church sold their possessions and lived as though Christ were coming back soon. Well, in a covenant relationship, there should be an urgency of care, concern, and compassion for one another. This means that a couple should be willing to drop any and everything and consider their marriage as priority.
This means that they should learn the principle of: Stop, Serve, and Sacrifce. Yes, both individuals in a courtship or marriage relationship need to know when to slow down. take time out to serve one another and sacrificially sow value into their relationship so that it can produce good fruit.
The Power of Reciprocity
To be on one accord, means that a couple must learn to build upon a healthy foundation of positive: feedback, counsel, and resolution. In other words, a couple should always be talking about the issues that matter to them the most without allowing themselves to hoard or harbor insecurities. There needs to be a healthy dialogue regarding their husband and wife roles and a consistent vision or goal setting session to help them hold each other accountable. Yes, the marriage and family should operate like a small business with unconditional love as the dynamic that holds everything together.
 
M&Y Guest Writer: Brian K.Cunningham is a highly sought after motivational speaker, life coach. An ordained minister and author of 7 books ranging from self-help to fiction, Brian is a proven leader amongst his peers. Brian has a B.S. in Psychology, M.A. in Teaching, and a Doctorate in Christian Education & Counseling. Brian is a Board certified Pastoral Counselor and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Brian is available for conferences, retreats, Christian counseling and small group sessions. Brian’s ministry specializes in deliverance, healing, restoration, reconciliation, faith, stewardship, all in the name of Christian education and counseling.

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Uncategorized

The Rules of War: Five Ways of Fighting Fair

Categories
Marriage

3 Ways to Keep God's Love In Your Marriage

When We Become Nothing
by Sarah Westbrook
Love. We are exactly nothing without it. (1 Corinthians 13:2)
If you grabbed the most incredible person that exists on the planet (think of that person that pierces your heart and blows your mind), who has fulfilled jaw-dropping good things with God. If you remove love from them – they are reduced to nothing. Why do we fight so hard to be other things that we think are good and valuable? Probably because His love is so inhuman. It is radical. It is earth shaking. It is 1 Corinthians 13!
Where Is the Gospel In Our Marriage?
Five years ago, I was present when a man from Africa was asked “Why does your country see more miracles than we do here?” He replied, “Because we have no other options”. Because of their humble lifestyle, they reach for and experience His love and His power.
Our “options” and “negotiations” around His ways have so clearly crashed and burned in failure. If we would act like this wonderful people group from Africa and grasp that there are no other options for us, then we would have the gospel in our marriage. Power and love would be present and played out because we are grabbing ahold of it. I am beginning to understand that when God’s Kingdom comes to us and into our lives, it will probably look pretty foreign. It won’t look like anything we could ever do or be on our own.
Examine What Your Heart Treasures.
It’s not the outside world that wrecks us. Defilement happens inside our hearts. (Matthew 15:18-20) Where is our heart for each other? That is our ministry above all else. Allowing our feelings to call the shots and run the show has become so common. We freely judge each other.
We lean on our own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5-6) We forget all about speaking our spouse’s love language to them. We allow our love for them to get crowded out and turned off. We forget to recognize the good traits that God put in us for each other that we need so much. It’s not the outside world that defiles us. Defilement happens inside our hearts. (Matthew 15:18-20)
In my case, this especially takes place when the odyssey of raising children is underway. I get fixated on how uncomfortable I am, being pushed so far past my capabilities, riding a crash course of self-absorption obliteration, and living in the blazing reality that I feel no control of anything under the sun. I’m suddenly reminded that before I was my kids’, I was my husband’s.
A few ways to keep God’s love in your marriage:
 1. Be in His presence to receive love. Be a person that interacts with Him minute by minute and therefore remains in His transforming presence. The Kingdom of God is ‘at hand’. He is at our fingertips. “The Kingdom of God is not a matter of talk; it is living by God’s power.” – 1 Corinthians 4:20
 2. Fight for your spouse. War for them through prayer. Pray down His kingdom come in them and in the process your love for them gets turned on and you gain God’s unsurpassable heart for them.
3. Love your spouse from God’s perspective. Love them through their failures, incompleteness, and transformations. Tap into God’s feelings, compassion and plans for them.

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Dating/Courting Home

Pawn Shops and Louboutins (For All My Single Ladies)

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Physical Intimacy

4 Lies About Sex That Every Couple Must Not Believe

unable to sleep in bed because of snoring partner

Let’s be honest, one of the many reasons most people (especially those that have been abstinent) look forward to marriage is because they get to have sex “legally” as we say.
You no longer have to feel guilty about having certain feelings about your spouse, crossing boundaries you have set, and dealing with the waiting.
God created sex in marriage for a number of reasons including enjoyment, unity, procreation, and many health and emotional benefits. It is known to reduce stress, and couples who have sex often live longer.
But what if your expectations about sex become more of a burden than a blessing? Deal with these myths as soon as you can so you can enjoy the spouse God has for you.
Myth 1: Sex in Marriage is boring
Research states that when couples have good communication and are connected in interest and purpose, they enjoy a very deep and satisfying sex life. The longer you stay married the deeper the connection becomes.
There is safety in sex within the marriage bed which allows people to be more open and willing to be free with their spouse. Remember to honor each other’s bodies, and make sure not to introduce anything that would bring disrespect or dishonor to the other person, or pull you away from God.
Other than that enjoy each other! I believe God is happy when something he created for his children to enjoy in marriage is much appreciated. Love each other well.
Myth 2: You will have sex all the time:
When talking to many singles they often talk about how they can’t wait for marriage to have sex all the time.  The good news is that there are seasons you do have sex all the time.
Most couples report the first several months of marriage as heated and busy, but as they get into the routine of life it slows down. It doesn’t slow down to the point where you are not having sex, so do not worry. Most couples report having sex three to four times a week, and research states that is what most couples should shoot for.
If it’s more, then wonderful! Keep it up! If it is less look at your schedules and overall relationship and see how you can bump it up a bit.
Myth 3: Sex after children is non-existent:
Now we all know that this myth is not true because people often have children soon after their first child. However, the woman’s body does change; while some experience an increase in libido others feel a decrease.
midyearsale!-2
 
Couples just need to work on understanding each other’s needs physically which can be impacted from exhaustion and hormonal changes in both spouses.
Also, they must become more creative about where and when they have sex; they may need to utilize the baby’s naps and other areas in the house if the baby sleeps in their room. As mentioned before, if the over-all marriage is good, sex does not stop but is adjusted.
Myth 4: You need to know what to do right away:
The point of marriage is to become one with your spouse., Every day is about the process of becoming one and so is sex. When you spend time in intimacy with your spouse, you are unveiling a new piece about them.
Take time out to ask them about themselves—learn each other. Couples that have been married more than ten years report that they are still learning about their spouse. Remember you are an individual and so is your spouse, so as you mature and get older so will your desires.
You have plenty of time to learn your mate, you do not need to know everything on the wedding night.
Older married folks have said “sex is like wine, it gets better with time.” Make time for each other. Every season adjust, relearn each other, and allow God to get the glory out of your love for one another and your marriage.
Great sex doesn’t start in the bedroom, it starts outside of the bedroom with making it a priority.
We have the perfect opportunity for you to make your sex life a priority. We are having a FLASH SALE this weekend only on one of our TOP tools to help you have the best sex life now!
midyearsale!-2
 

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Marriage Physical Intimacy

4 Ways to Get Your Marriage From Roommates to Romance

After being married for nearly 4 years you realize that there are many seasons you go through as a married couple. Times of busyness, times of stress, times of joy, times of sorrow and so much more. However, there comes a time when the mundane things of life begin to take over.

You go about your business and your spouse goes about theirs. Whether it’s work, school, ministry or kids, sometimes life takes over and your priorities get all mixed up. The flame that once sparked romantic nights and long walks, has dimmed to a mere flicker, if anything at all.

You now see that person you said “to love and to hold” as just someone who helps pay rent or keep the house clean. Sure you would never say that, but maybe you’ve just learned how to be really good roommates.

My husband and I found ourselves in that place a little while back. We managed our household really well. We didn’t fight, but we didn’t talk either. We distracted ourselves with very important things. And not before long, we had just became really good roommates.
We came to a point when we realized we didn’t just want to survive, we wanted our marriage to thrive. So here is what we did to reignite the flame of love and romance.
Here are 4 ways to get your marriage from roommates to romance!

1. Communicate about the things that matter:

Sometimes our “How was your day?” and   “It was good,” become our only form of communication in passing. We decided that everyday we would ask each other one meaningful question and we had to spend at least 15 minutes of undistracted time answering it. That meant, no kids, no cell phone, no tv, just undivided attention. The question doesn’t always have to be deep, but more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. Here’s a few to help you get started:

 

– “What can I do to make you feel appreciated?”

– “How did you see God in me today (or week)?”

– “What’s your ideal date night?”

 

2. Resolve to give 100%:

Too many times when we get in these ruts it’s hard to just jump back into it fully. You’ve built defenses or coping mechanisms to avoid deep intimacy or disappointment. But in order for you to get your marriage to thrive, both spouses must resolve to give 100%.

This means if there is any hurt from the lack of love, you can’t use that as an excuse  to not work on your marriage. Both of you must agree to start with a clean slate and begin to rebuild your marriage. If 100% of your focus isn’t on  your marriage, guaranteed its on something else. Find what your distractions are and move the priority back to your marriage.

 

3. Date night is a priority:

It’s easy to let this one slip, especially if you have children. Sometimes getting the kids a sitter and getting out the door just seems like too much work. But it’s so important to be connecting and spending quality time with your spouse on a regular basis. Even if it’s once every two weeks. Make this time as romantic as possible (*wink*wink* husbands, women want to be wooed). DO NOT skip out on this! If you don’t have the finances come up with creative inexpensive dates, it’s totally possible.

 

4.Have sex regularly:

Yep I said it! Connecting physically deepens your level of intimacy and connections in all levels. If you haven’t had time to connect physically that will put a strain on your marriage. This means if you live busy lives you might have to schedule it. And stick to that schedule whether you feel like it or not. The more you make it a priority the more you begin to look forward to that special time with your spouse.

 

I didn’t add pray together just because I am assuming you are already doing that, but if you’re not that needs to be added to the list too. These steps are obviously not all you can do, but they are a good start to getting your marriage from roommates to romance. Because marriage is suppose to be fun and exciting! Let’s show the world how it’s done!

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