Tag: maturity

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Single

Five Common Challenges of Young Marrieds

Whether you’ve been married five years or five minutes, maybe you’ve been noticing a few changes in your new life. Like how you don’t know how you feel about animated movies anymore (I still remember my wife’s face when I wanted to rent Despicable Me. Before we had kids.), or what kind of music “married folks” are supposed to like. I get it, and so do many, many, others.

Young married couples commonly feel like the “odd ones out.” It can sometimes feel like awkward adolescence all over again. Here are five common challenges of young marrieds. See how many you can relate to.

1. Friendships are very different. If you’re recently married and your best friends aren’t yet, there’s a definite change in your interactions. By no fault of their own, they’re not in your world yet. They don’t have to make decisions that will affect their families in the capacity that you do. You may remain extremely close, but there’s no denying that there’s another best friend in your life: your spouse. For this very reason, new marrieds are often extremely hungry to find couple friends. It’s not easy, but they’re out there. Put yourselves out there and amazing friendships are waiting for you and your spouse.

2. You have a hard time knowing where you fit within society. I can remember feeling extremely out of place when we first got married. Do I go to the men’s class or do we go to the young adults class? Do we eat with the young people or the “adults” during Thanksgiving dinner? As a young, inexperienced, fresh-faced husband, I didn’t quite feel like a man, yet I was no longer a boy. Accept that you’re adults now. Glean from other older married couples. Be patient with the transition.

3. You still miss your mama—a lot. The truth is, you probably miss everything about your childhood. It’s pretty normal to actually feel homesick as a newlywed couple. Give yourself time. You’re building a brand new family with a brand new flavor and a brand new culture. The good news is that you get to create the new culture of your brand new family! So whether your childhood was good or bad, you and your spouse get to start something fresh.

4. Sometimes you feel like you’re making it up as you go. The books and premarital counseling really helped, but this is no dress rehearsal, this is it! You’re on! Your wife cries, guess who has to be her support? You! Your husband feels like a failure. Who has to be the one to build him up? You guessed it: you. And that can be scary, can’t it? I don’t know anyone who begins marriage as an expert. Marriage is a journey. Why do you think thousands upon thousands of books have been written about marriage? Because marriage is a massive mountain that has taken many couples many, many years to scale. Keep your foundation on Christ, with a devotion to one another and you will see the fog begin to clear in your marriage journey.

5. You’re actually pretty scared. The future is so uncertain and many young couples don’t commit to marriage because of the fear of the unknown.  Like Joyce Meyer says, “Do it afraid.” Marriage is a very courageous endeavor. You know why? Because you’re loving In the dark. There’s no illuminated pathway. Your journey will be different than others. You’ll have challenges unique to your marriage, but remember: He has overcome the world. Love one another. Go all in. You’re writing a beautiful story together.

Categories
Engaged Marriage

Is Your Marriage Purpose Driven?

In order to have a purpose Driven Marriage, you must operate in the:
The power of Agreement
Amos 3:3 states clearly, “How can two people walk together unless they can agree…?” As couple, we must work out every issue with agreement in mind. Two people must be courageous enough to see eye to eye or else they’ll be going ‘eye for an eye’.
A couples’ maturity depends on their mutual understanding of the purpose for their relationship. Whenever one or both people don’t understand the purpose of dating, courting, or marriage then abuse is inevitable. This means that you will destroy a relationship, if there is no purpose or mutual end goal. I’ve set in my heart that dating is for marriage.
Courtship is to discover yourself and the other person in relationship to you being “God’s Best” for them in the aspect of service, sacrifice, and suitability. Marriage is when you bring all that you are into a loving, committed, and Holy union. Therefore, there has to be some strict agreements. Before you marry a person, check their commitment history. Do they break commitments often? Do they have a shaky relationship history when it comes to keeping their word? Marriage is not a contract but marriage is Covenant. Contracts can be broken, but covenant commitments are purposed last a lifetime.
The power of Emergence
A sense of urgency is so important for couples to make it last. Acts 2:45 expresses that the early church sold their possessions and lived as though Christ were coming back soon. Well, in a covenant relationship, there should be an urgency of care, concern, and compassion for one another. This means that a couple should be willing to drop any and everything and consider their marriage as priority.
This means that they should learn the principle of: Stop, Serve, and Sacrifce. Yes, both individuals in a courtship or marriage relationship need to know when to slow down. take time out to serve one another and sacrificially sow value into their relationship so that it can produce good fruit.
The Power of Reciprocity
To be on one accord, means that a couple must learn to build upon a healthy foundation of positive: feedback, counsel, and resolution. In other words, a couple should always be talking about the issues that matter to them the most without allowing themselves to hoard or harbor insecurities. There needs to be a healthy dialogue regarding their husband and wife roles and a consistent vision or goal setting session to help them hold each other accountable. Yes, the marriage and family should operate like a small business with unconditional love as the dynamic that holds everything together.
 
M&Y Guest Writer: Brian K.Cunningham is a highly sought after motivational speaker, life coach. An ordained minister and author of 7 books ranging from self-help to fiction, Brian is a proven leader amongst his peers. Brian has a B.S. in Psychology, M.A. in Teaching, and a Doctorate in Christian Education & Counseling. Brian is a Board certified Pastoral Counselor and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Brian is available for conferences, retreats, Christian counseling and small group sessions. Brian’s ministry specializes in deliverance, healing, restoration, reconciliation, faith, stewardship, all in the name of Christian education and counseling.

Categories
Dating/Courting Finances Home Parenting

6 Tips for Single Mothers to Maximize a Small Income

As a single mother, money can be a challenge when you have another life or lives to account for and you take on the bulk of the responsibility financially. Recently, I’ve been being challenged by God to not panic but to take a step back and really look at what I have to see how I can get the most out of it.  My job doesn’t pay the best but I’ve found that it is doable and it is teaching me a few things about my perspective(s) on money. Here’s what I’ve been learning so far:

1. More doesn’t necessarily mean better off. Yes, increase is great but more money can possibly create more problems if you have not mastered financial discipline. It is best to assess and be honest with where you are and what you can handle financially. Sometimes it’s not about having more to work with; the beauty in learning to maximize the small can be of great value to your future.

2. Work with what you DO have. With wisdom you can really make any amount of money fit your needs, trust me I am a witness. I’ve found that the key is prioritizing what is most important, eliminating or doing without things you want but don’t necessarily need right now, and using wisdom with how you spend what is left over.

3. Steward well over what you have. In Matthew 25:21, we see that Jesus gives the parable of the talents: The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together! Please know that God sees our irresponsibility and undisciplined practices with money, He cannot trust us with more if we do not steward or manage the little that we have properly.  I’d like to believe that God delights in increasing us but not if we will use it to cause more damage to ourselves financially.

4. Tap into resources that can help generate income.  And I don’t mean a get rich quick scheme. What is in your hands to create that can be a stream of extra income and potential wealth? Do you have a niche, a talent or hobby that can produce income? Or, can you learn to create something that can stream income into your home? Think of the Proverbs 31 woman who built her home, went out into the marketplace and generated income for her household (YouTube and the internet are full of DIY projects and crafts to learn). Find your niche and work it!

5. Spend your money with your FUTURE in mind. That will eliminate poor financial choices when you think of it this way. Everything we do or don’t do today inadvertently effects our future, especially when dependents are involved. Don’t cause for those depending on you financially to suffer at the expense of your poor spending habits. Again, assess and be honest with where you are. Do not try to live above your means to keep up with the Jones’, know your limits and stick to them.

6. Don’t despise small beginnings. It won’t be this way always. Instead of seeing this season as a struggle, see it as a small beginning. As you grow in wisdom financially, your finances will in turn grow. It is all about diligence, hard work, prioritizing and discipline.
Contirbuting Guest Writer Bio:
Shevante Walker is a woman of God, mother, daughter, sister and friend aspiring  to touch many lives with her testimony. Currently seeking her Bachelors  of science in Psychology, she has hopes of one day becoming a counselor  to aid in the healing of people’s minds, lives and spiritual well-being. It is her desire to allow the healed parts of her to heal the  brokenness in others. She is a liberator who longs to see people break  loose from the condemnation of their past and living in the freedom of  their future!