Dating is a selection process, to determine whether a person is the right one through compatibility and ‘feel good’ approaches. Courting is a Choosing God’s Best or God’s Word-based selection process- to which you measure the person based on Christ-likeness and suitability.
The problem with dating is that dating (if done without any intention of commitment) is a practice for divorce. For instance, when you or those close to you figure that there is something you don’t like about a person, you’re out- leaving the other person feeling abandoned in thier feelings. Dating gives you the freedom to be more judgmental and critical of the other person. In courtship you focus on yourself and (getting the ‘speck out of your eye’) prepare yourself for the other person- regardless of their flaws and imperfections.
You date often with your guard up, and having many dating partners can take away from you’re “stick-to-it-ness” or your desire to be committed to anyone. Whenever commitment is brought up in a dating relationship- the decision making process to commit to them on greater levels comes with confusion, maybe even contention, as you try to figure out the real reason why you’re in the relationship to begin with.
Courting allows you to hear from God early on and get confirmation that will cause you to develop in your loyalty to them as time goes on. In dating, you can tend to hold the other person at gunpoint- or have an imaginary rubric that you’re grading them on- which in most cases is unfair the other person is revealing their true self (flaws and all). In courtship you shouldn’t have to prove or put pressure on yourself to be a specific person.
In courtship- Be yourself! Courtship is when you allow yourself and the other person to be who they are- and you allow God’s word concerning husband and wife to guide you in the match-making process. This process helps you work on forgiveness, transparency, reconciliation; and if there is a rupture in the relationship, restoration is another process. Dating teaches breaking up as a means to resolve issues. Courtship teaches making up, restoration, reconciliation, forgiveness, and unconditional love.
Courtship prepares you to be a gift to the other person, and even with ths other person’s flaws and all, you allow God to present that person to you as a gift. For two are better than one. How great is it to have another person in your life who prays for you on the companionship level- and their committed.
Courtship brings about transparency. Dating protects only you and not the other person. Courtship is when you both fight together. Dating brings about hidden agendas, secrets, and unfair expectations on the other person through veiled emotions.
In the back of a dating person’s mind is the question: “Can I really be loyal to this person?” In courtship, you answer that question early on with the help of the Holy Spirit, and you understand that I can be loyal to the person with God’s help (to which there is nothing that can separate us except God’s revelation to the both of us).
However the problem exists when two people are in a relationship, but one person is dating (them in their mind) and the other is courting (the other person in their mind). In that situation, there is no mutual agreement (Amos 3:3). This means you two need to start talking, reasoning, and consider what is before you. If not, in this scenario, there will be a clash of intention, will, and desire. This could lead to one person being covenant minded, and the other person convenience minded moving forward.
There needs to be an understanding, that if Christ is in this relationship then we must acknowledge Him first, and He will direct your paths. Prayer, fasting, and studying the Word together will allow you to grow together in the Vision of God for your lives. Do not allow the enemy to divide you amongst wills, but get on the same page through commitment, loyalty, and purity first.
M&Y Guest Writer: Brian K.Cunningham is a highly sought after motivational speaker, life coach. An ordained minister and author of 7 books ranging from self-help to fiction, Brian is a proven leader amongst his peers. Brian has a B.S. in Psychology, M.A. in Teaching, and a Doctorate in Christian Education & Counseling. Brian is a Board certified Pastoral Counselor and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Brian is available for conferences, retreats, Christian counseling and small group sessions. Brian’s ministry specializes in deliverance, healing, restoration, reconciliation, faith, stewardship, all in the name of Christian education and counseling.
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The Problem with Dating
