Tag: joy

Categories
Marriage Single Spiritual Intimacy

Three Treasures of a Spouse In Love With Jesus

Happy together. Young man kissing beautiful cheerful women while she hugging him and looking at the camera.

I walked into our church’s youth building fifteen years ago. I saw a blonde-haired girl sitting on the floor in a flannel shirt and rolled up jeans, practicing her guitar before the youth service began. She had her eyes closed and an angelic melody was coming out of her, like I had never heard before. When the youth pastor asked her to open the service, she kept her eyes closed and sang to the Lord from her very core. When she spoke, she didn’t speak like the other girls; her tone was different, her demeanor was different, and her focus was different.
I was delightfully baffled and wholly fascinated by this girl who spoke about Jesus as if He were a Friend. Fifteen years later, we are married and have three children. Her unique love and devotion to Christ continues to fascinate me. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” I would venture to say that he who finds a wife who loves Jesus finds a great thing.
Here are three treasures of a spouse who is in love with Jesus:

  1. Joy–As Nehemiah 8:10 says, “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” Joy doesn’t mean an unlimited supply of happiness, but it is a resting place of delight and satisfaction, which result in peace. When a person encounters Jesus, they encounter pure joy. It is a promised additive to Christ’s disciples.

Paul says that the Fruit of the Spirit (the by-product of the Holy Spirit) “is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23) My wife doesn’t walk around with a glued-on, plastic smile, but she is a person who laughs even in darkness and waves the banner of God’s majesty and faithfulness, no matter how dark the storm clouds look. This is joy.

  1. Stability–Those storm clouds I mentioned above have no permanent foothold in a person who is in love with Jesus. The Apostle Paul speaks of a people who are steadfast in their faith: “…We will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.” (Eph. 4:14)

My wife may have moments of wavering in overwhelming opposition, but she has never been swept away into a lifestyle of deceit or been shipwrecked in her faith. No, my wife is sure-footed as a deer. (Psalm 18:33) Trust me, when those storm clouds choke out the last ray of sunlight, it sure is beautiful to see my wife staring into the storm with a resolute face that says, “I will not be shaken.”

  1. Wisdom—A person who loves Jesus has the mind of Christ. (1 Cor. 2:16) As a couple, we seek the Lord together on everything. We depend on Him. The beauty of a Godly marriage is that two people who have a unique, living, dynamic, friendship with God come together and have a friendship with God together in a way that is equally as unique as the individual relationship with the Lord. The Lord reveals things to Sarah that I haven’t seen yet, and vice versa. True wisdom comes from Him. Many times, the Lord has hidden the answer to a problem in the depths of my wife’s heart, and it is when I ask her what she sees in the situation that I actually can see the heart of God in the situation. I can trust God’s wisdom in her.

I cherish the treasures of Christ that He has deposited in my wife. What are other treasures you see in a person in love with Jesus?

Categories
Engaged Marriage Parenting

3 Biblical Earmarks of a Good Wife

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. (Proverbs 21:19 NIV)

I always had a bit of a problem with the phrase, “Happy wife, happy life.” It made me feel as if I could disrupt an entire place of solitude if I was unhappy. That my husband would forever have to walk on eggshells to ensure a peaceful home. Because heaven forbid I get upset; I would make life miserable for everyone in our household. Those are the thoughts I would get anytime I heard this phrase. It made me mad and yet confused. Is it true that the entire well being and happiness of my house depends on me? That if I get mad or upset everyone is doomed to suffer?

Well I decided to look at what God says… So I stumble across the verse above Proverbs 21:19. By the way, this isn’t the only verse like that. In Proverbs there are a few verses that state it’s better to live on the rooftop then share a house with a quarrelsome wife. I guess that is the equivalent to sleeping on the couch back in the day. Wow! So even the Bible warns about an unhappy nagging wife. But what does that mean for me? Am I never to have bad days or never argue my point?

WRONG! There’s only a handful of verses on the nagging wife part, however there’s a whole lot more on what a good wife is. And although many of us have looked at the Proverbs 31 woman as daunting and unrealistic, there is some great concepts on what a good wife is. Here are some of the things I’ve learned:

1. What she says is worthwhile and kindness is on her tongue. The key here is: Think about what you are going to say. Your words have impact and can bring life or death. Even if you are correcting your children or husband, watch your words. Notice it says the “law” of kindness. The Greek word for law here is Tworah meaning direction or instruction. She gives direction and instruction through kindness. Whether that means you have to take a breather to calm down from the situation or you have to speak softer without harsh words. You can give instruction and correction without belittling or tearing down.

2. She brings him good not harm all the days of her life. This goes hand in hand with the previous point. Your husband is counting on you to be a blessing to him. “But you don’t understand how he frustrates me!” Okay, maybe he does things that bug you or maybe there is a lack of things he doesn’t do. Whatever it may be, speak to the man who you want him to become. Treat him as though he is everything you could ever want in a husband. Do it even when he doesn’t deserve it. Because chances are, he gets frustrated with you too. Give grace and uplift him. Before you know it, the man you treat him as won’t be able to hide anymore. If you see the gold in him he will begin to believe it. If you say and treat him as the best husband in the world, he will begin to see himself like that. Do the same with your kids. See the gold in them and bring it out. 

3. And last, she laughs at the days to come. This indicates to me that all of her days are not easy. Yet she doesn’t let the circumstances determine her joy. She is filled with joy in all situations. Noticed I said joy, happiness can be circumstantial, but joy is a way of being. It is choosing to stay joyful even in frustrating or difficult situations. Sure there may be days that you cry, days that you shout, but at the end of it all you know that your joy runs deep. It runs deep with roots into the everlasting joy of knowing that you are a daughter of an incredible Father who loves you.

I think for me the saying “Happy wife, happy life” is totally true. However, I don’t depend on my husband or children to determine my happiness. I choose to stay joyful and happy in all things. Do I have my bad days, sure, we all do. But I know that my state of happiness is dependent on MY CHOICE to stay joyful. And yes I am a happy wife, therefore I choose to bring life to everyone around me. Be a Happy Wife, Bring Life. 

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Categories
Engaged Marriage Physical Intimacy

4 Requirements from God for a Thriving Marriage

The first marriage ever recorded in the history of humankind is found in Genesis 2 with our parents, Adam and Eve. Since that marriage, hundreds of thousands of other men and women have followed in their footsteps.  Those that have invented things that have changed the course of history will never be forgotten. From Konrad Zuse, inventor of the computer, Alexander Bell, inventor of the telephone, to Madame C.J. Walker (inventor of hair lotion) who all have made a stamp on this world through their contribution.  But, no invention will ever be able to trump God’s invention of marriage.  Be encouraged by these requirements from the Inventor of marriage!
 
1. Work as a Team
 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4.11-12
God brought you and spouse together in order to work your purpose together.  It is very easy to forget during hard moments when you and your spouse are disagreeing that you are on the same team.  On any team the hardest challenge is learning how to work in sync with your teammates.  Professional teams spend years learning one another in order to perfect their teamwork ability.  You may differ greatly from your spouse, but its in the differences that you can learn to value what your spouse has.
 
2. Enjoy Your Spouse.
 
Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose – don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Proverbs 5:18-19 (MSG)
 God gives you full permission to enjoy your spouse to fullest.  In between the long hours at work, taking care of kids, and keeping everyone else happy around you; enjoying your spouse can easily be pushed to the bottom of the list.  Make it a priority to enjoy your spouse in some way each day whether that be through a great night of passionate sex, intimate pillow talk, or cuddling on the couch for a late night movie once the kids are in bed. They are a gift to you, and you deserve to enjoy them.
 
3. Husbands never stop loving. Wives never stop respecting.
 Wives submit to your husbands, as fitting to the Lord. Husbands love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 3:18-19 (NKJV)
 There is a great book written by Emmerson Eggerichs entitled, “Love and Respect”.  In this book he does an excellent job at breaking down this biblical principle.  Husbands desire respect more than anything from their wives, and wives desire love more than anything is respect.  When a husband feels respected by his wife then loving her is even easier, and when a wife feels loved by her husband, respecting him is even easier. Husbands you can love her over and above by paying attention to the details of her life and putting extra effort into meeting her needs. Wives you can show him more respect by trusting his leadership, listening well to the things that are heavy on his heart, and praying forth those things to God.
 
4. Be A Peacemaker.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3 (NKJV)
I released a quote on my Facebook page about how you have to “work” everyday at making your marriage better. Well, that sparked a little debate between some of my readers.  One person disagreed, stating, “your marriage shouldn’t be a chore that you have to work at it.”  I disagreed with him and used this verse to back up my reasoning.  It is clear here that God says we must make every effort to keep unity even when being angry or unforgiving is easier. Being a peacemaker in your home shouldn’t be left up to one spouse, but both should make every effort to keep the peace.  Yes, you will disagree and argue, but the purpose is to patiently come to a resolve with even more love for each other.

Categories
Marriage Physical Intimacy

Sex, Who's Really In Control?

It’s no secret that under God’s law, sex is only permissible between a married man and woman. This we all know. However, how do we please each other during this sanctimonious act? How can the husband be satisfied? How can the wife be satisfied? Can both be satisfied at the same time? The answer is actually nuanced within 1 Corinthians 7:3-4. In verse 3, Paul calls it a “right”…an undeniable benefit of the marriage union. The spouse has the right under God’s eyes to sexually enjoy their mate. Again we know this, oh but what’s hidden in verse 4 is often overlooked.
“For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” – ESV
When reading this passage we often key in on the authority that our spouse doesn’t have instead of focusing on the authority that they, and we, DO have.  Moreover, we miss how that authority is directly connected to the desire…the sexual craving we should have for our spouse. God created us to be in harmony. Each spouse is a note during the song of life and together a beautiful melody can be made…especially in the bedroom, or wherever you like to worship. Sex is worship, but that’s a post for another time. We don’t have authority over our own bodies because we should SEEK TO SATISFY OUR SPOUSE!!! That is the authority under which our sex life should lie. Fellas, the thoughts of “I’m gonna get mine” from your single, fornicating days have no place in your marriage. Ladies, using your precious gift to manipulate your husband likewise is not permissible. Both are just plain selfish and can diminish the value of this precious gift of intimacy that God reserved for you and your spouse.
Sister, you should long to sexually satisfy your husband; brother, you should have an insatiable desire to sexually satisfy your wife. Under this authority, you should always be careful to consider the sexual needs of your spouse. If you’re operating within this authority, while seeking to understand each other sexually, the marriage bed can remain “undefiled”. Your bed will be honorable because you long to sexually please your spouse, and that yearning has fueled open communication about likes and dislikes so that you can meet each other’s needs. It is at this point that taking offense when coached to do something differently will be minimized. Wanting to try different things will be ok. Why…because the changes or new experiences are the desires of your spouse and your goal is to place your spouse in God-honored sexual ecstasy that is covered by the Holy union of your marriage. You know two becoming one flesh –in all ways, including sexually!!!
Now, I understand that life will happen. Kids will come. Careers will be hectic and stressful, illness, etc. Those are facts of life that we have to deal with and they may affect thefrequency, but they shouldnever affect the intimacytied to the need to please your spouse sexually. Once you can honestly say that you want to satisfy your spouse the way they want to be satisfied, you will then have moved from having sex to genuinely making love!

Before we can fulfill our own sexual desire, we must first want to fulfill theirs!

 
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