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Guest Writer: Daphney Marc
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always subconsciously treated my body like a prized possession and I’ve never felt comfortable wearing clothing that over exposed. When picking out an outfit, I usually have a coverage ratio; meaning If my arms are bare my legs must be covered and vice versa.
I’m not sure where it stems from, but I consider it a blessing, and I take pride in treating my body like a temple as the Bible states in Corinthians 6:19-20 “Do you know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
Some may call it being “conservative,” but it’s a contributing factor to why I’ve decided to remain a virgin until marriage.
Now, being a virgin is something incredibly rare these days, especially at the age of 27. But, from the time I was a teen I made a decision that I was going to wait.
I did have momentary thoughts of “maybe if I don’t find the one by the time I’m 25, then maybe it will be okay… cause at the point mostly everyone has done it.”
However, waiting is ultimately a value of mine, and I wish that society placed more emphasis on waiting instead of it being something considered bizarre, or that is limited to the prudish few who are most likely waiting for religious purposes.
Although I am proud that I haven’t succumbed to temptation, it’s not something that I go around telling people. But, on the rare occasions that I do, it is usually reciprocated with “Oh wow that takes a lot of discipline, how do you do it?” Or “Good luck!”  And my personal favorite, “Don’t you want to test drive the car before you buy it?”  Regardless of people’s views, it’s a value that I cherish even more so after my first relationship, ironically.
I actually didn’t get into my first relationship until I was well into my 20’s with a guy that I thought I was going to marry. Prior to having met me he was sexually active, but he respected my views on premarital sex and agreed to wait. He had a lot of great qualities, but I quickly realized those qualities were not enough to sustain a relationship.
Although I was the one who decided to end things, I was still distraught by the break up.  As with any heartbreak, it is especially hard when you’ve opened up to the person, shown vulnerability, affection, and truly believed that you would be with the person forever.  It took me a prolonged amount of time to get over that relationship, so I can’t imagine how I would have felt had I given my body to the relationship as well. Thank goodness that my values and fear of God were able to overpower my temptation; it saved me so to speak.
We live in a day and age where there’s such a high emphasis placed on sex; its everywhere, making maintaining a life of sexual purity as hard as keeping a child away from a cookie jar. Even though we are constantly bombarded with sex, we should not be overcome by the ways of the world as scripture states in Romans 12:2: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is— his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
And who wouldn’t agree that sex is more enjoyable when it is with someone you genuinely care about? And,  how much better when it is with someone you have vowed to spend the rest of your life with, as it states in Ecclesiastes 9:9 “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.”
I believe if our society viewed sex as a sacred act, then not only would there be better physical health,  as there are 20 million new sexually transmitted infections that develop each year in the U.S .,  but our hearts would be more open, and we would be emotionally healthier when entering into a new relationship. People tend to bring forth a lot of personal baggage from previous relationships; wounds that have not fully healed that taint our views. The average person gets into about 5 relationships before they find the right person to marry; sharing your body with that many wrong suitors just seems emotionally scarring, especially for women. So, it’s best the marriage bed be kept pure; as it states in Hebrews 13:4.
With all that being said, no matter how often promiscuity is put on display, I consider my virginity to be a gift to the one who deserves it. So, I will continue to wait for the man I will marry, and maybe, just maybe, he is waiting for me too.
 
 

Biography: Daphney  Marc is from Orlando,  a graduate of the University of Central Florida , and works in education. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Sociology and a Graduate Certificate in Public Administration. She has served at her local children’s church ministry and taught in grade schools for over 10 yrs. She also has experience working as a Therapeutic Mentor for young women, and is a lifestyle blogger for her own personal brand BEFAKEFREE which promotes the importance of living a life of authenticity.  She enjoys music, exercising, cooking, spending time with family and friends, and most of all living for God’s Glory.

Guest Contributing Writer : Calvin O’Neal Russell Jr
At my daily profession, I see over 20-30 credit applications per day from married couples. I see credit scores ranging from 400’s all the way to the prestigious 850 scores. I have noticed that there are similarities with every score of course, but the ones that my clients always ask about are the 800+ scores. Though every report is slightly different with the number of accounts and other various factors, I have seen a breakdown of what you can expect to see on every 800+ credit report.
 
Here are 4 components of 800+ credit score holders:
 
1. Authorized Users.
Married Couples always make sure that both of them are on each credit bearing account. This is by far the most important step in building and maintaining credit scores and reports for married couples. How do you do it? Simple. Every credit card account and installment account had the spouse as the authorized user or co-signer. First, what is an “Authorized User?” An Authorized User is someone that is added to an account and receives credit for the activity on the account, which can be positive or negative. Doing this will build and maintain credit for both the primary account holder and the spouse. Why do this you ask? Well, this keeps the couples credit scores high and they never have to worry about too many accounts being in only one spouse’s name, which could cause problems down the road.
 
2. 8-10 Different Accounts.
Married couples average 8-10 open accounts. Yes, you read that correctly. Most married couples with 800+ reports have between 8-10 open revolving/installment accounts. These accounts consist of 3-5 Revolving Accounts (Credit or Dept. Store Credit Cards) and 3-5 Installment Accounts (Home, Auto, or Student Loans). It is always great to have a good mix of accounts as this show lenders you can manage debt well. Also note that I said “different” accounts. If a consumer has, let’s say 8 credit cards open, that doesn’t mean they will never reach 800, but it will take much longer to reach the 800’s because those scores require a mix of accounts.
 
3. 8-11 Year Average Opened Account.
Married Couples have an average credit history of 8-11 years. Having a few accounts open is good, but having those same accounts opened for 8-11 years, on average, is even better. How can you do this? Simple. You can accomplish this simply by keeping accounts open. But what about Auto Loans and Home Loans? Won’t those eventually go away after 7 years of the last payment? Absolutely, this is why the only way to accomplish this is with revolving accounts. You see, with revolving accounts, you can keep them open as long as you want. Assuming you make all of your payments on time, the lender will increase your limit over time as well.
 
4. 95% – 100% On Time Payments.
And last but not least, Married Couples pay their bills on time as a team. This factor is something that everyone knows, but it’s actually doing this over a period of 8 years or more that helps maintain a high credit score for a married couple. Most credit reports show the last 48 payments (4 Years) on a single account. Multiply that along with 8-10 different accounts and you have well over 384 on time payments. Payment history makes up 35% of your credit score, and this is key to maintaining a high credit score. Not to mention that this alone, assuming both names are on each account, will increase both the primary and secondary account holders’ credit scores.
 
The Bottom Line
Now that you know The 4 Habits Of Married Couples With 800+ Credit Scores! Be sure to share this information with those you think would benefit from it. For more information on this topic, or to read more topics similar to this one, please visit us online at www.gosimplypro.com.
 

Calvin O’Neal Russell Jr is a Certified FICO Professional and the CEO & Founder of Simply Professional Credit Consultation. SP Credit Consultation has helped hundreds of people increase their credit scores, qualify for homes, cars, and lower interest rates with their personal, Step-By- Step Action Plans. Contact us today to learn more or email us at info@gosimplypro.com.
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Husbands & Wives should always be building each other up and adding to one another’s lives; well, that should be the goal anyway. Unfortunately, sometimes we do the exact opposite and end up ruining our spouse’s day. Husbands, here are 6 ways to ruin your wife’s day and some solutions to try to avoid doing so:
 
1. Don’t Show Leadership In The Home
I agree with John Maxwell’s wisdom that Leadership is Influence. If you want to ruin your wife’s day this is a big one. Does she see you sitting in front of the TV more than she does playing, instructing, and caring for the children?   Women become extremely frustrated when they feel their man has no vision for the family. She probably has all kinds of dreams, plans, and memories she wants to create alongside you. Tell your wife that you want to talk about influencing the family more.  Then, set up a time to share how you both feel about your leadership in the family and what needs to change so that your wife can feel you have as much passion for the growth of the family as she does.
2. Big Impact At Work and Small Impact At Home
Imagine coming home from work and you telling your wife that you have put together a plan to grow the business by 10% over the next year. Imagine telling your wife that your boss recently applauded the new project you completed and he said he would tell his higher-ups about it too.   If you want to ruin your wife’s day, do great at work, focus on work, spend your all your energy on work, and yet continually struggle in the home.  Some wives may simply be thankful their husband has a job and a paycheck, but that’s not what the “Trailer Club” is all about. We are about winning in all aspects of life. Just as you probably wouldn’t imagine leading your business without having a well thought out strategic plan, it is the same with your family.  Start making time–a weekly meeting perhaps—to talk with your wife about family priorities and plan goals.  Here are some ideas to consider as you plan to make a Big Impact At Home:

• Family Outings for the next 6 months
• Dinner Time Experiences that grow family closer
• Date Nights put in calendar
• Prayer times as a family
• Budget/Money items that need to be saved for
• Adventure Times As A Family
• Teaching kids business, tithing, work ethic, etc

 
3. Don’t Help Her out—be Selfish Instead of Generous
Are men selfish? Yes.  Are women selfish? Yes. Do women generally feel like they give more in a relationship than men?  Maybe. If you want to ruin your wife’s day, do only what you feel is adequate.  I grew up in a household that after we ate dinner, my dad and I went into the living room to watch TV while my mom and two sisters cleaned the table and washed the dishes. I remember visiting my wife’s house while we were engaged and seeing her dad help clear the table and wash dishes too. I witnessed sincere generosity and helpfulness in action and decided I wanted to be that kind of man in my family.  If you are generous in your service, compliments, encouragement, and other ways, your wife’s days will be blessed, not ruined.
 
4. Communicating Poorly To Her
You know that one of the most common frustrations employees have in the workplace is lack of communication from their managers, colleagues, etc. In a similar way, if you want to ruin your wife’s day then keep on communicating in ways that frustrate her.  Because differing personalities often take different tones and approach situations differently, you will need to learn her language and be a good listener.  Ask questions about her day, actively engage in the conversation with her, and don’t make a habit of allowing your phone to interrupt your conversations.  Turn off the phone and turn your whole body towards her.  Give her your full attention.  It would be a good idea to ask her how she feels about your communication and be receptive to her specific observations.
 
5. Wait Until 9PM to be Romantic—in Other Words, Forget Everything you did to Pursue Her Heart While you were Dating
The day is coming to a close. You may have been out with a friend and walked back in the house at 9pm. Or, maybe it’s Sunday night and the big football game just ended around 10pm. You will ruin your wife’s day if you only spend focused time romancing her right before you hope to be intimate with her.  There’s a thousand other ways to express how enraptured you are with her.  Don’t forget about the ways you romanced her when your relationship was young.  Learn her unique love language and speak it often—not only right before ‘bed.’  Here are some ideas in case you need reminding:

• Greeting her with a hug or passionate kiss when you see each other after work.
• Continue to take her on dates. Take her out on the town and to her favorite spots.
• Play board games with her, or share a book together, or snuggle on the couch for a movie.
• Ask her what she needs prayer for and pray together on a regular basis.
• Encourage her and praise her. Notice and appreciate her work and what she accomplishes with her time.
• Help her with any responsibilities she has—relieve her stress by sharing the load with her.
• And don’t forget the little things, men—like manners. Act like a gentleman not a Jr. High fart-machine. Take care of yourself and what’s yours—don’t live like a college-boy slob. Treat her like the priceless lady she is—go out of your way to show honor by opening doors for her, etc.

There are a number of ways to pursue her besides leading her to bed.  Let creative romance continue forever.
 
6. Try to Fix her All the Time
Empathy is a something your wife needs you to master, or at least make an effort to grow in. If you want to ruin your wife’s day, then try to fix everything she talks about, or give her a solution to every concern she brings up, or try to talk her out of all the emotions she feels. Your wife wants to share with you and have you empathize with her. She want you to try to understand the challenges she has.  If your wife is more emotional about things than you are, she wants you to understand why. If your wife is highly passionate about growing her business, she wants you to understand why. If your wife is on the edge when it comes to discussing the life of your kids, she wants you to understand why.  The key is to not discount your wife’s weaknesses, challenges, and concerns by quickly spouting out what she should have done or could do differently next time. Don’t give her the impression that you are there to be her ‘life coach,’ Mr. Fix It. You’ll make her day if you are a friend that accepts her where she’s at and actively listens, cares, and responds.
 
Question:  Do you struggle with one of these more than the others?

This is a great article written by a marriage and relationship expert, Shaunti Fieldhahn!  Don’t forget the early bird rate for Sex Without Sheets Marriage Conference ends this Sunday! Don’t miss out on this amazing conference that will surely bless you and your spouse!
Click here to register! 
 

 
Dear Shaunti,
You’re the researcher, so please tell me the real answer: How often do guys need to have sex?  I just don’t think about sex much; I guess it isn’t a need for me.  But my husband says he thinks about it all the time, and he gets crabby that I’m often too tired.  Even though I can go weeks or months and not miss it, since he can’t, I try to do the right thing.  But oddly, even though he says he’s “deprived”, when I tell him “okay” that just makes him mad.  He says he wants me to want it like he does.  I feel like I can’t win. But if I knew how often a man needs sex I could plan on that, and hopefully that would help.
– Not Feeling Frisky
Dear Not Feeling Frisky,
How would you feel if you told your husband, “I need to hear you say ‘I love you’,” and he heaved a big sigh and said, “Okay, I’ll try to say it.  But how often do you need to hear it?  Is once a week okay?  Whatever it is, tell me, and I’ll plan on that.”
My guess is, you’d be really hurt. You’d be thinking, He supposedly loves me, but he has to force himself to dredge up the willpower to show me love?  Maybe he doesn’t really love me like he says he does.
You wouldn’t be hurt because he didn’t say “I love you” enough times.  You’d be hurt because of what it implied.  Maybe it means he doesn’t care about you. Maybe, you might think, it means you really aren’t even all that lovable.
Sex works the exact same way for most men.  In the research, there seems to be no one standard amount of sex that men “need” to have; it is what sex signals to them that is important.  Your sexual actions signal: I desire you; You are desirable; I want to be with you in that way; You make me feel amazing; I want to show you how much I care about you; and on and on.
We women think of sex as being primarily a physical need for a man: but it isn’t.  One of a man’s deepest emotional needs is to feel that his wife desires him.  And if he sees that his wife desires him, it gives him a sense of well-being in all the other areas of his life.  But if she shows <big sigh> “Okay, fine, let’s get this over with,” then it is clear to him that she doesn’t desire him, he’s no good at trying to make her feel amazing, he must be completely undesirable… and that she doesn’t really care about him the way she says she does.
In the research with men and women, it was very clear that most women (although certainly not all) simply have a different type of desire than men. We need to be approached differently. Most women simply don’t think about sex as often as men do.
Click Here to Read the Rest of this article. 
 

 
Seeing that we just witnessed the fight of the century, http://espn.go.com/boxing/story/_/id/12810858/floyd-mayweather-defeats-manny-pacquiao-unanimous-decision, I thought it would be appropriate to address fighting in marriage.
 
When I was a young lad preparing for marriage, I remember reading many articles and chapters in marriage books about fighting. I would read the following quotes and shake my head in disbelief:
 
“Fighting is normal in marriage.”
“There is nothing like fighting and then making up.”
“A marriage that has fights is real, authentic, and puts issues on the table that need to be addressed.”
 
I thought, “Why would anyone want to fight with the wife of their youth?” The dictionary defines fighting as “tending or meant to stir up a fight or hostility.” I know many people hold the opinion that fighting is normal, appropriate, and something that happens in all marriages. But, I did not want to take on that worldview. I did not want to expect that fighting would be normal for my marriage. I decided not to consider ‘stirring up hostility’ a normal ingredient to marriage.
 
So, my wife and I determined 16 years ago that we would not expect fighting to be a part of our marriage. I know this is abnormal advice. Normal advice would tell you that you have to learn to fight fair. Normal advice would tell you that every marriage has fights,i.e. hostility stirred up.
 
My wife and I desired a different way to handle the conflicting ideas and differences of opinions that are normal to every relationship. We wanted to treat each other as we wanted to be treated.

 
Here are some ways to have a hostility-free marriage:
1. Bite your tongue
A wise person once said that a great marriage involves people that have a lot of bite-marks on their tongues. During our 2^nd year of marriage, my wife hung chimes on our front patio. She thought they sounded wonderful when the wind blew. I thought they were annoying and  was frustrated every time I heard them clanging into each other. Because they brought joy to my wife and because I knew I’d get used to them, I never brought my annoyance up to her. In fact, she will hear about it for the first time when she reads this post. What good would it have done for me to bring it up? In mu point of view, nothing. I knew I would get used to the chimes, and indeed I did.
I have so many examples of this. Better to bite your tongue than comment on the trivial things that could stir up hostility.
 
2. Seek first to understand before being understood
Instead of thinking your spouse is always out to get you or is being selfish, ask them why they are doing what they are doing. Fights often start  because people assume the worst or have inner-dialogues about their spouse that eventually come out in conversation.
 
3. Be kind
My favorite Scripture that gives me guidance in treating my wife is found in Ephesians 4:32–“Be Kind, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as Jesus has done unto you.” I refuse to have my marriage or household have the atmosphere of a boxing ring. Instead, I am determined for it to be a Kindness ring. Kindness is a fight-extinguisher. It pulls the fuse out of conversations that could otherwise flare into fights. Defer to one another. Listen intently. It’s hard to fight when you want the other to win and thrive. And, make forgiveness a habit in the little disturbances. Digging up past disagreements or failures is a sure way to grow a fight.
 
5. No MSNBC & FOX News moments
If you watch those networks, you’ll believe that if you are a “thinking” person then you will be someone who raises your voice, out talks the other person, calls them names, tries to catch them in a “gotcha moment,” etc. Instead, imagine an interview where there is a true discussion taking place. This means no demeaning or yelling, no twisting words, and  only assuming the best about the other person. In any relationship, you can share your point of view and it doesn’t have to end in you hating each other or inferring the other person is an idiot because they don’t think the way you do. Talk through disagreements, share your heart and feelings, listen and try to understand one another. When you have money problems, you can talk through solutions without passing blame back and forth. When it comes to the kids, you can talk through ideas without inferring your way is better. When it comes to time spent, don’t insinuate that the other person is wasting their time.
 
 
On Friday, May 8^th my wife and I will celebrate 16 years of marriage. In those 16 years we have never had what many people would consider a ‘normal’  heated fight full of hostility. We certainly don’t agree on everything and we certainly share our struggles and feelings with each other. But, our discussions are based on kindness, mutual respect, and seeking first to understand before being understood.
I would like to challenge you to reject the notion that you have to fight with your spouse.
You don’t.
Click here for more information on Sex Without Sheets Marriage Conference 2015! Early Bird Rate Ends this week.