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The 3 Things I Wish I Would Have Learned Before Marriage

It was July 27th, 2013 at around 6:13 PM that I said, “I DO” to my beyond beautiful, supernaturally given gift, Natasha Ann Miller.  As my friends would say, I had crossed over into the #goodlife! Now being married 6 months I can freshly talk from the place of recognizing the things I wish I would have learned before I got married.  So, if I had the opportunity to talk to myself one year ago, this is what I would share.
 
1. Learn Not to Worry, but Trust God
If you only knew how much time I took worrying how God was going to bring my spouse into my life.  After graduating from college it was like okay God….IM READY, which I would repeat that phrase everyday in my prayer time.  Each minute I spent worrying how she was going to come, or when she was coming robbed me from enjoying the season God had me in.  If you are single waiting on God for your spouse, please do not waste time wondering HOW God is going to do it, but TRUST that He will do it.  Your marriage season will come in God’s timing.
2. Learn How to Budget
It is said that finances is one of the top causes of divorce today.  Many think once they get married money will eventually work itself out. WRONG!  When you are single its easy to get away with a budget less life, but once you are married it is one of the most necessary disciplines needed.  I encourage you to start a budget now, and do some study on personal finances.  Luke 14:28 states it so perfectly, “don’t begin to build until you have considered the cost.”   If you can learn this concept while single you will bypass many arguments during budget time and your spouse will thank you for it.
3.  Learn Yourself
Marriage is the process by which two become ONE!  Well, it’s a lot easier for those two to become one when you understand the parts of you that refuses to surrender.  When you know yourself well, and can acknowledge where you need Christ to make your weaknesses His strength.  It makes the merge of two individuals a piece of cake.  The first few years of marriage is most difficult for those that refuse to give up and surrender to God’s inventive method for Christ likeness.  Learning yourself is best done in the environment of healthy friendships, volunteering at your local church, and allowing the Word to reveal those hidden things in your heart fighting against selfless living.
The ultimate goal in marriage is to become one with your spouse and Christ that He might be glorified through your union.  There are so many things that I wish I would have known to do before I got married, but I can say those 3 things will help you greatly to prepare for your marriage.

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Sin·gle Wom·en

 
When I was first asked about writing for a young married blog I thought silently inside the deep spaces of my mind and wondered, “they do know I am single right?” It was a moment of  amusing humor I found to be the highlight of my day. Me? Write for a married blog? I laughed for a good 20 minutes and thought I could give tidbits on blocking the every other weekend pictures of engagements and wedding I Do’s on social media etc. So I to myself sure I can make this work. Then I received the first two topics we had to choose from:

  1. Single women
  2. Finances

My heart stopped. Seriously, why were we literally single women “singled out” as a topic of discussion? Why wasn’t it just singleness in general? Why did those two words: “single women” cut so deep into my heart and made me feel as if we had a special syndrome or crazy psychological anomaly. Did we not have single men out there hanging out at the same train stop as us? After barely looking at the email because of my inner angry feminist fumes, I heard the Holy Spirit softly whisper to me something profound, simple and beautifully piercing to my spirit.
He said, ”Angela single women is not a thing to be disgraced by or feel at arms to make war with, but single women have been chosen because they need to echo a new found heart for the moment, they are an answer in their position, they have a place of profound influence in their culture and their cries are buried in the Father’s heart to awaken a love for the ages, for people, the kingdom, the Father and the future mate God has delicately crafted for them.”
Single women are a lovely, wonderful cry on the Father’s heart. While we long for a mate and a future spouse, God desires for us to balance our life in these areas: *LEARNING<LOVING<PURSUING*
LEARNING< We have to learn who we are in His kingdom. We have to ask God to show us who He desires for us to become in this molding, breaking and refining season.
LOVING< He wants us to love HIM deeper, love others more then we know how and to love who He has designed US to be. He is the master craftsman who uniquely equipped each of us with strengths the world needs. We have to open our eyes and ears to seeing and hearing where those gifts are needed. We need to be like our beautiful ancestors Ruth, Esther, Deborah and Mary. Women who decided who they were, would not be determined by their gender or role in society . That being a woman was not weakness, but an insurgence of power and engaging strength. But only after taking heart to understanding who God had designed them to be as women.
PURSUE<We have to be willing to accept this moment as being a single woman as a pinpoint on the trail. It is a stopping point on the journey to our finish line. We pursue the word deeper, dreaming bigger and falling more in love with Christ. We pursue HIM to truly embrace who He wants us to be before we can ever move on to the future holdings and treasures he has waiting on us.
Single women it may seem trivial to be on this boat, but when you find yourself on the tides of waiting and longing know He is the steadfast, anchor of HOPE. Your time is truly now to change the world. Do not wait for a proposal, a perfect person or plans. It’s the now season single women to be all of who you are and arise up for your light has come. Your season of influence and radiance is ready. The world awaits. God echo’s the cries of your heart and longs to know you more, to walk with you holding your hand until the next season. Whether it be dating, marriage or continuing in your single journey, through it all the one thing remains is Jesus is our constant. He is the constant companion, friend, redeemer, lover and Savior. I will leave you with this:
Ephesians 1:9-11 (NLT)
“God’s secret plan has now been revealed to us; it is a plan centered on Christ, designed long ago according to his good pleasure. 10 And this is his plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ — everything in heaven and on earth. 11 Furthermore, because of Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us from the beginning, and all things happen just as he decided long ago.”
 
 

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Do You Trust Your Heart or His Heart?

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Am I Ready for THAT Relationship? 10 Ways to Know

I have been preaching a sermon series called “Made For Love.” The premise of this series is that God has create us for relationships. When God created man and saw that he was alone, it was the first time in creation that He called something “not good.” God created a place in our hearts that He chose not to fill and allowed human relationships to fill that void.

But how do we know that we are ready for “the one?” Here are 10 ways that you can know if you are ready for that relationship.

  1.     My relationship and commitment to God comes before everything else – Nothing that comes into my life is going to take precedence to my relationship with God
  2.    I have asked the Lord to seek and test my heart, my motives and my desires – I have allowed Jesus permission to show me if anything in me is a selfish or sinful desire
  3.     I am committed to growing in my relationship with Jesus – To be able to love and receive love well, I must be in constant relationship with Love
  4.  I have forgiven those who have hurt me in the past –I won’t make someone pay for another person’s mistakes.

    I have moved on and allowed Jesus to heal my hurt   

  5.  I have healthy relationships with the opposite sex –When I meet someone who I want to be in a relationship with, I don’t have to get rid of or change any relationships with the opposite sex
  6.  I am choosing to guard my sexual purity so that I have something powerful to offer my future mate –My sexuality is something sacred that is a privilege for someone to partake in and I am choosing to offer that full package to my spouse
  7.  I have taken responsibility for myself and my junk – I recognize that we all have baggage and I am willing to own mine. I am honest about my fears and insecurities and don’t expect others to fix them for me
  8.  I am submitted to leaders, parents and pastors in my life who can speak into my relationships –  I recognize that I can’t see everything and that I need others who can help me succeed by showing me things that are hidden in my life and relationships
  9.  I have great friends who I am accountable to and who have my best interest in mind – I have surrounded myself with friends who are able to do life with me and be a part of my relationships.

    I am not choosing this out of loneliness but out of a healthy place

  10.  I am ready to GIVE – I realize that it’s not just about ME but that it is about loving someone with the love of Christ.

 

 

 

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So You Are Still Waiting?

How many times this year or even this week, depending on the holiday season or large family event, have you heard some variation of this sometime jarring and piercing phrase “Why aren’t you married…yet?” From my experience, I suggest to you to not run off in a dramatic sob and drown out your sorrows in a bowl of ice cream (was that just me?) or revolt back with the latest social media phrase of “single n proud” (only me again?). In most cases, the questioner is asking from a place of genuine life concern based off of the media induced trend to only successfully attain happiness unless you are in a relationship. Or maybe the individual is from a traditional background where marriage occurred early in life and thus they literally moved from their parents’ home to marriage in their teen or early twenty something years (my beloved great-grandmother was 15 when she got married). In other cases people are just inquisitive…or nosey lol.
Respond in love!
Simply answer “Yes, I am waiting to get married” and keep it moving or if warranted, explain the desire to walk according to God’s plan. It could be an opportunity to share about your walk with Christ.
If you find yourself responding in an emotional way, stop to ask yourself why? Are you concerned that God has forgotten about you or the idea of finding or being found by a mate seems to be a fleeting idea with each year you get older? Take some time to search your heart to be at peace with the process of your life. Don’t abort the process and try to take your life in to your own hands by picking just anyone. There are plenty of examples of people who didn’t wait and moved on their own will. Just ask the 50% of America’s marriages that have ended in divorce.
 
I want to encourage you brother and sister to not be ashamed of your current marital status but to be proud that you believe that God has what is best for you. Search scriptures to meditate on about waiting on God. Isaiah 40:31, Proverbs 3:5-6, Psalms 27:14
 
God I thank you for every individual that is waiting on the promises of you for their mate. Comfort them and give them strength to continue to wait on you. Remove any guilt or shame that will tell them that they are behind schedule or that they have missed out on love. Thank you that you are our ultimate love and we can find true safety and joy in you. In Jesus’ name, Amen
 
Next Topic: “So I’m waiting…now what?”
 
INS

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The Parallel Between Your God and Your Wife

There is a parallel that I have discovered between my relationship with God and my relationship with my wife Melissa.  In order to for me to demonstrate my love for God by obeying His will,  I must let go of my own.  I must have amnesia about my plans and goals for my life and fully embrace His.  I must melt away so that He may emerge.  I must exist in complete obscurity so that He is clearly seen.
It is the same with my relationship with my wife.  I can no longer be selfish and self absorbed.  I must consider her wants and desires before I consider my own.  I do so hoping that she’ll do the same for me, but that is not what motivates me to do it.  I do it because I love her.  I’ve realized that I must be okay feeling as if I don’t exist.  This relationship isn’t about me, it’s about us.  What’s phenomenal is that the more I show my wife that I love her by considering her first, the more she does the same for me.  This is a very good thing because she takes better care of me than I do.  No matter how great I am to her she outdoes me every time.  For example, one morning I cooked breakfast and washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen.  We have a rule in the house that if you cook, the other person washes the dishes.  This time God prompted me to do the whole thing.  Later that day I received a text from my wife thanking me for doing so.  When I returned home from work, not only was the home immaculate, but dinner was already prepared (it was my turn to cook) and my chores were already done for me.
Jesus said that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31, Galatians 5:13-14) . How much more are we to love our wives with whom we’ve become one flesh? (Matthew 19:5)

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Single Men: Priorities

There is a common need that all people have in this life. That is the need to be connected with people in a real way. This is the reason that solitary confinement is the worst punishment known to man. As a man, I feel at times that I can take on and conquer the world no matter how much physical pain I am in. Even as I am writing this I am currently not feeling well, but still feel like I can keep pushing. But isolation is a different type of pain.
I think it is important to first understand that as a single man our desire to be in a relationship is not a sin, accident, or punishment. God wired us to be connected with Him first then a partner. That is why He was not just satisfied with animals. He said let us make human being in our image to be like us (Gen. 1:26.) We were first created for God. However, when God created Adam He knew that Adam also needed a person like him to be connected to.
God is very aware of our thirst for relationships. He put it there. Unfortunately there are times that we begin to idolize that desire for a relationship and we want that relationship more than we want the perfect will of God. I believe that if your desire is to be married one day then absolutely God can make that happen for you. But before we think about “her,” let us look at a few more aspects of Adam and Eve’s story.
In Genesis 2:18 (a verse that men love to quote) says, “it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” This is very clear that God knows your need for a relationship better than you do. What I love about this passage, that so many people overlook is the very next verse. Verse 19 says this, “So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one.”
Isn’t it interesting that immediately after God told Adam you don’t need to be alone, but first I need you to name all these animals? I’m sure I would have been like “but God… What about my helper?” Here’s the reality, God has a helper just for you. However, there may be things that He needs for you to do before He brings her along. God’s purpose for your life is way more important than your future spouse because He would never give you a spouse to take away from your purpose. So where are you at with purpose? Do you know what God has called you to do? Are you walking in that direction? Is your bank account at the place it needs to be? How are you stewarding your purpose?
How can you ask God for “her” if you have not began to walk in your purpose yet? You have to first be a good steward over your purpose before you can ever be a good steward over hers too. So I challenge you with this. Stop worrying about her and start fulfilling purpose. Then watch Him bring her along to help you. God cares more about your purpose than He does your spouse. Get in purpose.
#purposeovereverything #aboutmyFathersbusiness

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How to remain content during singleness

How do I remain content during my season of Singleness?
I was asked this question while I was single and even more now that I am married. I look at my life and see the beautiful grace of God and how one can truly be content while waiting patiently for that special someone. So, Im going to share three scriptures that really helped me stay focused as well as excited for my future with God while waiting for my Adam to be awakened.
1. 1 Corinthians 7:32-33 NLT “But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of The Lord-how he may please The Lord. He who is married cares about the things of the world-how he may please his wife”
It doesn’t get much plainer than that! This scripture shows what one needs to be focused on while in a time of waiting. When I read this scripture for the first time I was single and pursuing God with all of my heart but was still worried about whenHe was going to reveal my Adam. But after allowing this verse to eradicate and correct my limited way of thinking I was comforted in knowing that God has not left me helpless he has given me instruction during my time of waiting. I am to honor the Him and see how I can please him with my life. This scripture ultimately changed my life. NO longer was I consumed with the What if? I was now consumed with how I can make my life a living testimony to bring Glory to God.
2. Song of Solomon 2:7 NLT ” Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right”
Gods timing is perfect! He knows our beginning and end and his thoughts towards you and I are of good and not of evil. It is so easy to get impatient when we are waiting on something that we really want. Whether its a job, gift, mate or dream. Marriage is not for the fainthearted. There is a certain development and revelation I believe occurs prior to “love” being awakened. Therefore we are not to rush the process, we are to enjoy the process and allow the our omnipotent Father to reveal to us when the time is right to awaken “love” within you to share with that special person.
3. Jeremiah 29:11 NLT ” For I know the plans I have for you”, says The Lord. “They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope”
The king of the universe knows loves you and has an amazing plan for your life! He knows what you are experiencing right now and knows what your future will bring. He hears your prayers and is aware of the issues that tug at your heart. Even during my time of discontentment I would doubt God and his capability to free my soul from the worries and challenges of this world. Yet, during my moments of feeling dissatisfied the Holy Spirit would remind me of the Fathers words and thoughts towards me. Once I heard those words I was set free and made content.
Be content in where God has you while being single. Enjoy this season in your life. Once you are married a new chapter in your life will now begin. Just like a book each chapter plays a role in the story line of the theme. In the end we are all called to bring Glory to God whether you are single or married.

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Impotence (impotence, erectile dysfunction) is the most common sexual disorder in the male population.

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