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Women possess the amazing verbal gift and ability to build with their words. This is particularly important and true in their marital and family relationships. This gift enables them to speak life in such a way that elevates and encourages their husband, making him better and in turn, make their marriage and family better.
In the last several weeks, I have had several sessions with women who have done or said certain things that have unfortunately made their relationship worse.
As women, it’s important that we understand, acknowledge, and recognize the power of our words. Here are five do’s & don’ts that will help you better understand how to properly use the power of both your words and your actions:
 

1. Never speak about him to your friends and family in a disparaging way

Doing this makes him lose confidence in himself and in you as a confidant, and will also lower his self-esteem. Instead of tearing him down, use your words to build him up. If you truly need someone to intervene in certain issues, pick a few unbiased people that both of you agree on that you can talk to when you are having tough times. After all, most men long for their wives approval; it is all that matters to them. Respect the boundaries you set and only talk to those who you have both deemed safe.
 

2. Never yell at him, curse, or beat him

As someone who is called to honor their spouse, when you excessively yell, curse or even hit, you both demean him and emasculate him. Violence is never acceptable; if you result to these tactics and are unable to control yourself, seek help from a professional counselor or pastor.

 

3. Never put her children before him

I am a mom, so I know how deep a mother’s love is. However, we will only be able to successfully love and provide for our children if our marriage is healthy and our spouse is taken care of first. Things such as always buying things for the children and never your mate, always feeding them first and not serving him, and taking your children’s side over your husbands, will eventually ware on the relationship and can cause a lot of problems, pain, and mistrust.
 

4. Never give him the left overs of you

As women who tend to be involved in a lot of activities and are in the business of caring for people, do not allow yourself to become the wife that gives her all to the ministry, her children, her job and activities, and then when it comes to your husband, you are too tired to even have a good conversation, let alone partake in sex. Make time for him; give him your strength and your energy as much as you do for everyone and everything else. He should be your priority.
 

5. Never put the WORK of God before him

God should be first in our lives; however, walking with God and working for God are not the same thing. Often times men and women will sacrifice their whole family for the work of God, forgetting that our family is our first ministry. You have heard it said that you do not want to be a public success but a private failure.
Your family should be the most important people, and the ones you live most holy and upright before. If you have your priorities straight, God will make sure to help you learn how to serve Him with your whole heart, as well as your family.
Women, whether we like it or not our words and works are both powerful and impactful. We can either use them to defeat and destroy or build and encourage. Let these Do’s & Don’ts guide you in the pursuit of being a Proverbs 31 wife & woman who builds!
 
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Unmarried men and women, how do you manage the disappointment of feeling like God has forgotten about you and the bombarding thoughts that you may never have the family or marriage you desire? How do you manage the disappointment that comes from waiting on the Lord and walking in purity for years, yet still not seeing your desire for marriage and a family come to pass? How do you manage the disappointment of a failed relationship that started out with great potential?
 
If left unmanaged, these disappointments are more likely to lead to greater disappointments, continued discouragement, and repetitive cycles. Although some disappointments are inevitable, there are successful ways to manage the disappointments that many unmarried men and women who desire marriage often experience.
 
 
5 Steps to Managing Disappointments in the Unmarried Life:
 

1. Honesty & Transparency –

The first step to managing disappointment is to be honest with yourself and transparent with God about what you are feeling. Without acknowledging you are disappointed, you will not be able to manage it. Being honest with God and yourself is necessary when dealing with the issues that caused the disappointment. There is liberty and freedom in being able to vocalize your disappointments and to be able to honestly express what you are feeling. The Lord longs for us to share the matters of our heart with him.
Lamentations 3:25 “The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek for him.”
 
Psalm 55:22 “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.”
 
 

2. Accountability-

The second step to managing disappointments that evolve from the unmarried life is to have accountability. In addition to God, you need someone in your life to be transparent with and to hold you accountable for your actions, choices and decisions. After you vocalize your disappointment, a sober accountability partner, who you trust, will need to hold you accountable when you are faced with the temptation of believing the off-perspectives of the enemy concerning your future versus the truth and promises of God concerning your future. The key to choosing a suitable accountability partner(s) is choosing someone who does not have the same struggle you do. Your accountability person(s) should be someone who is stronger in your areas of your weaknesses. If you choose an accountability person who has the same struggles or issues, you will find yourself in a situation where the blind will attempt to lead the blind.
Proverbs 27:17  “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12  “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Galatians 6:1-2  “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
 
 

3. Measurement & Reflection-

You will need a system of measurement to determine what went wrong, why it went wrong and what you could do better the next time to avoid the pitfall. Step three of managing disappointment is adopting a system of measurement and reflecting on the events that caused disappointment to surface in your life. Allowing God to measure you is the most important form of measurement. Getting in His presence and allowing Him to show you what lead to your disappointment are imperative. Instead of relying on the experience itself to teach you a lesson, allow the Holy Spirit to reveal to you any areas where you need to change or improve. Your accountability partner(s) should also play a key role in the measurement and reflection process.
Proverbs 1:5  “Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance.”
Proverbs 10:17 “ Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life, but he who rejects reproof leads others astray.”
 
 

4. Move Forward-

When disappointment comes, it can cause stagnation and an inability to move forward. Unmanaged disappointment drives individuals to live in the past and function from a place of hurt and discouragement. Stagnation and fear are byproducts of unmanaged disappointment and becomes a defensive mechanism to prevent disappointment from occurring again. In order to manage disappointment, it is vital that you not stay stuck in the same mindset, emotional state or heart posture that led you to an unhealthy place. Moving forward is the the fourth step of managing disappointment and the only way to walk in the direction of God’s promises. Stagnation and backward movement will most certainly delay the plans of God for your life. You have to first be honest with God about your disappointment and then allow him to change your perspectives and get moving!
Philippians 3:13-14 “Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
 
 

5. Trust God-

The final step of learning to manage disappointment is to simply trust God and His word. When we learn to truly trust God, we lose the fear of taking risks because we know he his plans for us are of good and not of evil and are to give us a future and hope (Jeremiah 29:11). Trusting that God has your best interest in mind will allow you to find true security in your present and be hopeful concerning your future.
Romans 8:28  “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Jeremiah 29:11  “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Proverbs 3:5 “ Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”
Proverbs 3:6  “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
Psalm 28:7  “The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.”
 
 
 
God knows we will experience disappointment before it happens. While He never promised we would not experience disappointment, He does promise to be with us through every disappointment and to protect us throughout the process. No disappointment is greater than the power of God! Through His power He enables us to be honest with our feelings, accountable for our choices and decisions, gives us courage to move forward and the faith to trust Him, and  helps us truly believe that all things will work together for our good!