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Dating/Courting Home Single

9 Questions to Ask Yourself If Your Dream is to be Married

I think it’s easy to focus on so many other variables besides ourselves when it comes to marriage. Finding the ‘love of your life,’ having a beautiful wedding, or , what the kids will look like, etc.
The problem is, when we focus so much on what we don’t have control over in the future, it can take our attention away from what we can control in the present.
I do believe God created us to dream, and that He’s even placed those dreams within us.
But I also believe He calls us to steward our time well, and therefore I think it’s safe to say it’s important we use the time before marriage wisely.
If you are in a season of being single, I challenge you to ask yourself the following hard questions:
1. Are there things I want to do before I share my life with somebody?
2. Am I really working on my weaknesses or do I pass them off for being ‘a part of who I am?
We all have weaknesses, but that doesn’t mean we should ignore them or excuse ourselves from working on them. It’s much easier to hide them when you are by yourself.
3. What does marriage mean to me?
I may not be married, but I’ve been around married people enough to know that it’s not just butterflies and bliss 24/7. I’m not saying fairy tale marriages are impossible, but if you’re expecting it to be easy you may need to do some more research before getting married.
4. What is my view of God?
God designed marriage, so He is the ultimate expert. Focusing on your relationship with Him will naturally prepare you to be ready for marriage, along with establishing a foundation that will be vital to your relationship with your spouse (and others in your life!).
5. Am I praying for my future spouse?
6. Have I dealt with my insecurities?
Insecurities have a way of wreaking havoc on relationships. If you’re not at peace with yourself, it’s going to be difficult to feel at peace in a relationship. If you have insecurities that haven’t been dealt with, find the root and get rid of them!
7. Would I be a financial burden to somebody?
I’m not sure financial problems are an attractive quality. You may as well get on top of your finances now so that it doesn’t create tension in your marriage later.
8. Do I know who I was created to be?
Knowing what you’re meant to do with your life will help you to find the right type of person to partner up with. If you’re not sure, this would be a good time to get some clarity on your destiny.
9. Am I an ideal spouse (for my ideal spouse)?
Bear with me on this question… Are you the type of person that the type of person you want to marry would want to marry? It’s fun to think about the qualities you want in a spouse, but the reality is, they have to choose you too!
Ultimately, the more you spend time improving yourself instead of dreaming of what is to come, the better chance that dream will be fulfilled and exceeded!
 
M&Y! What are some other questions to ask yourself if you desire to get married? 

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Home Spiritual Intimacy

4 Benefits of Praying With Your Spouse

 
Guest Writer: Nikki Walker
 
The Scriptures state that God designed and created marriage as a good thing.  It is a beautiful, priceless gift.  God uses marriage to help us multiply our effectiveness, establish families, raise children, enjoy life, and reap the blessings of relational intimacy. God also designed marriage for couples to pray together, establishing tender moments that are created in prayer, helping couples to grow in love and intimacy in their relationship.
When married couples pray big for their marriage together, their relationship deepens with God’s fingerprints on their lives.  Wonderful things can happen in a marriage that is built on prayer! Here are 4 benefits that come from praying big prayers for your marriage:
Prayer Humbles Couples
Prayer changes couples that pray together.  Holy moments spent before God in prayer helps to place couples and their marriage desires in proper perspective. Prayer has an awesome ability to reduce egos and adjust attitudes.
Prayer Guides Couples
When God is the center of marriages, He becomes a built in compass and guide.  God gives direction and helps couples that pray together to stay together. God speaks, teaches, and imparts His wisdom through prayer. Prayer also illuminates God’s Word for couples. When couples pray together, they are better able to maneuver through marital issues and decisions with God’s wisdom.
Prayer Helps Couples See Each Other Differently
In 2 Corinthians 5, the apostle Paul shared how Christ has changed his perspective on people.  Apostle Paul states “So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.  At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view.  How differently we know him now!  This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.  The old life is gone; a new life has begun (vv. 16-17 NLT).”  Apostle Paul confessed that while he used to judge others based on human standards, he had stopped doing so because his love for Jesus had given him a different perspective on seeing people. As couples pray together, their view of each other will change.  Husbands and wives will learn to see each other through Jesus’ eyes, giving couples the ability to love each other how He does.
Prayer Equips Couples
The Scriptures clearly define husband and wives’ roles in marriage.  Husbands are called to love their wives just as Jesus loves them.  Wives are called to live for their husbands as they would live for Christ.  Neither of these roles comes naturally.  This is why prayer is essential in marriage.  When couples engage in prayer, God will give couples a vision for their marriage and equip them with grace to walk the vision out.
The connection that develops and grows when couples pray together deepens their love and bond with one another.  Great marriages, used mightily of God, can be made great by praying big prayers, flowing in intimacy, and yielding to one another. Regular prayer together creates a marriage that is indeed a blessing to others and God!
 
Nikki
I am a happily married wife and mother of two beautiful daughters. I have a heart for God’s people and sharing His love. My passion is writing and seeing God’s people live a life of fullness through the power of Jesus Christ.

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3 Signs Its Time To Stop Paying Rent & Purchase A Home

Guest Writer: Calvin Russel Jr
Right now is the PERFECT time to purchase a home. Mortgage rates are still at an all time low and the banks are becoming more lenient on the qualifications to get a mortgage loan. Many current tenants are thinking of making the move to become home owners, but they are not quite sure if it is the right time. Take a look at these signs as it may describe your current situation.

 
 

1. Your Rent Payments Are Equivalent To Mortgage Payments
This is the number one sign, as this is always the tipping point for most renters. I remember when I was working one day at the dealership and I asked my customer a series of questions related to their auto loan approval. One of the questions were, “What is your current rent/mortgage payment per month?” They answered “$850!” Yes, $850!!! At the time, my wife and I were paying a little more than that for a nice apartment in a nice area. It was at that moment I began to ask myself, “Where do all of my rent payments go each month?” It was also at that moment that I decided to become qualified for a mortgage loan. 
Most rent payments are extremely close to that of a mortgage payment. Mortgage payments can be under $1000/month for a lot of reasons. The homeowner could have placed a nice down payment, they could have re-financed, they could be living in a low cost neighborhood, or they simply could have found a great deal on a property. Many tenants think most mortgages are between $1500-$2500 when that is not the case at all. Most residential homes for middle income Americans range from $125k-$175k, and could be lower depending on the state. That creates a mortgage anywhere from $800/month-$1400/month with today’s mortgage rates.

 

 
2. Your Neighbors Aren’t The Best
You gotta love the alarm clocks that never get shut off in the morning from your neighbor. Or what about the one who always decides to wash their clothes past the allowed time notice. Or the kids who sleep in a bedroom right above yours and it seems like there is always a wrestling match on their floor. Or what about the one who always has company over to hammer a few things on the wall…….every night……..if you know what I mean lol. Either way, your neighbors keep doing things that either upset you or irritate you. We didn’t even discuss the major ones such as: Arguing couples, constant smoke alarms, the smell of cannibus under the door, loud music and parties, constant furniture moving, and I could go on and on! Most of the minor things we all have dealt with only because the situation is not big enough to complain to the landlord about. One thing for sure is that its easier to change what YOU CAN control vs trying to change something YOU CAN’T control.
 
 
3. Your Landlord Is Really A Slumlord
That moment when you call your landlord about a problem you are having in your apartment  that needs to be fixed…………..and they said they would fix it months earlier. Or what about the so called “Free Heat” but the temperature feels like 60 degrees inside the apartment during the winter. Wait, what about the time your landlord asked you to pay rent a couple of days EARLY for no reason at all! Or maybe the time you came home and you noticed your apartment had been entered by someone else and could possibly be the landlord! Yeah, that my friend is a slumlord! Things never get fixed and complaints never get addressed. But you deal with it. Why? Because its easier to live under someone else’s rules and building than your own right? With a home, you will have to maintain it yes, but at least its your home. You may have your own gas bill, but at least you can control the heat to your liking. Ditch the slumlord and qualify for your own mortgage!
 
The Bottom Line
As a good or great tenant, I am sure you have thought about the idea of home ownership. Let these 3 signs push you in the right direction of getting that loan pre-approval. I myself know the feeling of dealing with some tenant issues of my own and also dreading the pre-approval process. Credit is a big deal and it is needed to finance a home. Be sure to visit my website and see if there is a package with your name on it. 
If you are looking to purchase a home in next 1-2 years, I strongly recommend enrolling in our 12 Month Boot Camp to get you qualified and educated on the home buying process. Click Here for more information.
 
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Calvin Russell Jr is a Certified FICO Professional and the CEO & Founder of Simply Professional Credit Consultation. SP Credit Consultation has helped hundreds of people increase their credit scores, qualify for homes, cars, and lower interest rates with their personal, Step-By- Step Action Plans. Contact us today to learn more or email us at info@gosimplypro.com.

 

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4 Ways to Survive the Storm

 
Guest Contributor:  Rutchelle Alexandre
 
No one ever EVER said the Christian walk would be easy, and we all ending up facing tough times. It’s almost inevitable, and for the most part unavoidable. We’ve all been through trials that test not only our character, but our will power. We face storms that have left us weary, and storms that have even made us reconsider our walk with Christ. Heck, half of the storms I’ve encountered I’m surprised that I even survived!
 
All the glory to God, because he will never leave his children, even when we think he has left us, he’s still there. If you surrender and allow God to take control during the stormy seasons, and fully trust in him, your outlook on life will never be the same.
 
Two important things you must know in general is that: (1) God is always in control and he will never leave you or forsake you. Just like Jesus calmed the storm when Peter and some of the disciples were in the Sea of Galilee. He is able to calm our storms. A lot of us allow the storms to drown us, throwing in the towel, as if God isn’t standing right there waiting for us to tag him in. (2)We can fight! God has equipped us to do so. His word says that he will never give us more than we can bear. Question is; how do you fight? How do you make it through those days when your heart can’t find the words to even pray? Remember that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.
 
That being said, whether it’s spiritual warfare, trials and tribulations, or demonic oppression, it is vital to know the steps needed in order to be victorious. I have four steps I want to discuss:
 
 
1. Rebuking/Casting out-
The last thing you would want during a storm is to allow Satan to have his way. Example: if you are going through some kind of financial drought, and God says He will provide, rebuke doubt when it comes to attack! Rebuke and cast out all unhealthy emotions and discouragement. Rebuke and cast out all thoughts that are contrary to what the word of God says. Your mind must be protected. It’s already hard enough that you’re going through it, but having your helmet of salvation and properly rebuking is a definite must.
 
2. Be alert-
In the natural when there’s a storm coming your way, usually one makes the necessary preparations right? Same goes for the spiritual. Stay connected to the source. The source is God, therefore when you see signs of an approaching spiritual storm, get ready for battle. Pay attention to your prayer life, to your spiritual growth, to your relationship with God. Always be prepared and aware that the enemy does not sleep, neither should the children of God. You have to stay connected, and make sure you’re getting your daily fill.
 
3. Getting your daily fill-
As humans, we need to be in communication with those we love. Same goes for your relationship with God, especially in such crucial times. Worship him, have quiet time, rest in his presence, allow his spirit to pour down upon you. Read your word, the word is our daily bread (and sword). As humans we need food to survive, therefore as Christians we need  the word of God to survive, and fight effectively.
 
4. Pray, pray, pray!-
Do not stop praying. There is so much power in prayer. Prayer is not just you communicating with your Father, it’s also Him communicating with you. It’s that place of surrender, that secret place with him, that place of revelation. Prayer can cause breakthroughs, and heal you, and so much more. Pray without ceasing! When you pray with faith, and allow the Holy Spirit to intercede, mountains will tremble, and you best believe God hears our prayers and will make a way in his timing.
 
Whoever this is for, you can get through the storm. Storms make us stronger, they create endurance in us. No matter the storm, just know that you are not alone, and that the war has already been won, we just have to fight the battle, God is with you, and he will fight for you, if you let him. Stay blessed.
 
Me
Rutchelle Alexandre is a recent alumni from Regis College, where she got her Bachelors in English and writing. She resides in the New England area. Rutchelle plans on attending divinity school, as well as obtaining her Masters degree in education. She serves faithfully at her local church, and is currently working on a novel. Rutchelle enjoys nature, poetry, traveling, and the simple things in life.

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Engaged Home Marriage

How to Let Your Man Lead You

One question I always get is how do I let my husband lead me? Usually, the issue is the husband may be an unbeliever or he may have a laid back personality. There are several things that strong women can do to make sure their husbands feel able and free to lead them.  I will share some below.
 
1.  Learn his leadership Style– Not everyone leads the same way; it is important to learn his leadership style. It may be different than yours,  but choose to learn it and allow him to lead the way he knows how.
 
2. Check yourself- Do you always want things done your way? Do you get upset when things do not look like what you want them to look like? You really need to get to the root issue of your own actions. Some of us like to say we are “Type A,” but in reality  we are actually controlling. There is a difference between the two and we need to check it, especially if we are married.
 
3. Make space for him to lead- Often times men won’t lead unless we create space for them to lead. We always want things done a certain way or done when we want them to be done. When we act this way, we are not making room for him to lead.
 
4. Allow him to make mistakes- You need to be aware that leading and being the head of a relationship is very scary. Help your man understand how much you love him and support him; let him know that he does not need to do everything perfectly, he just needs to try.
 
5. Learn each other’s strengths- If you guys can understand each other’s strength, you can then see who is best at leading what. One may be good at accounting, another at organizing trips, etc. Learn what each of you do well, and work together on leading that.
 
6. Pray for him- Pray that God will give him wisdom to make good decision and  continuously cover him. The Holy Spirit can teach him how to lead you.
 
7. Be patient- Remember, things take time. People need time to shift into new behaviors. If you have a discussion about changes that both of you are going to put into action, allow each other time to grow into your new roles.

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6 Steps to Turning Your Mundane Season Into a Purposeful Season

Seasons are a big part of my home state’s identity. Minnesota has four distinct seasons, each with its own set of unique characteristics and qualities.
Right now, it’s Summer. Summer in Minnesota is HOT. Just because we’re always portrayed as lumberjacks toughing out the bitter cold doesn’t mean it’s always below zero. Today was a particularly humid, hot summer day and I found myself longing for fall.
I stopped myself in the middle of my thought, realizing how silly this was.
If it was already Fall, that would mean I’d be going back to school already (I’m a teacher). I would have missed out on lake days, camping, flexibility in my schedule, traveling, and bonfires. Now sure, Fall has a lot to look forward to, but Fall is not Summer. They are separately wonderful, and each also carry their own difficulties as well.
I couldn’t help but compare this to our life stories. We are constantly going through different seasons, and each season has its own joys and hardships. I’ve found that the key is not to make it through a certain season in order to get to a ‘better’ one, but to change your focal point so that you can find contentment in each season throughout your life.
Here are some steps that I’ve taken to enjoy my current season of life.
1. Recognize the season you’re in.
Maybe you’re in a season of being newly married. Maybe you’re in a season of being single. Maybe you’re in a season of starting a family. It sounds simple, but this is an extremely important step. Without acknowledging it, it’s easy to get caught up in comparing your life to others’. Comparing your life to another’s can cause tension and destruction in the destinies of each person involved. Recognize your season, then believe that your season is just as important as another’s.
2. Discover the purpose of your season.
Big or small, this is what will allow you to thrive during this time. Ask the Lord to reveal what your purpose is and trust that He will give you an answer at some point. If you feel confused, be patient and faithful. I’ve found that sometimes I don’t fully understand a purpose in a season until it’s over, but it’s a big relief when I can look back and feel confident that I remained faithful and at peace throughout the process.
3. Make a list of activities you can only do in this season.
I can’t, or maybe the right word is shouldn’t, go swimming in a Minnesota lake in December. I can’t go downhill skiing in August. I won’t see leaves turn color in February. You get the point. There will be really great opportunities in every season, and not all of them will be available every season of your life. Take advantage of them before it’s too late.
4. Find people to connect with who are in similar seasons.
I’m not saying you need to spend all of your time with these type of people. But having someone, or several people who are in a similar season will provide an outlet when you need to talk through issues that may arise. This is not to say others won’t be able to offer any insight, but there is something really comforting about a person who can identify with specific emotions and experiences.
5. Find people who were in your season but aren’t anymore.
They will be able to provide wisdom and counsel into what you are experiencing. This type of relationship could also end up being valuable encouragement and restore hope within you!
6. Don’t give up.
A new season is bound to come along! Galatians 6:9 – “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” If you feel overwhelmed by what’s currently happening in your season, just keep doing your best each day! His mercies are new every morning. Worrying about what will happen in the future only uses up the mercy that you received for the day.
There might not be a way to ensure that trials and difficulties aren’t a part of our lives, but there are ways to navigate through them. Being intentional about how we treat each season will allow us to find value in our experiences – whether they seem positive or negative at the time.
With that, cheers to our unique seasons and discovering our purposes in them!

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Home Marriage

Yummy Meal Idea for a Cheap Date Night at Home

Natasha and I are always looking for ways to do eat in date nights.  Why? Because, it saves so much money. Lol!
No, but seriously we have those weeks that we both just want to stay home to cuddle on the couch with a good movie. Date nights are so essential for the health of your marriage because it gives you time to wind down together and focus on each other.
This requires intentionality or it will not happen.
Being married and young with no kids, which expires August 4th, provides us with the luxury of making any night date night.  Since this is going to change very soon we are trying to live it up while we can.
The problem we always run into when deciding to do a date night at home is what in the World are we going to eat and who is going to cook?
We were given the opportunity to try the California Pizza Kitchen’s Hand-Tossed Style Crust Oven-Ready Pizza BBQ Recipe with Chicken and Bacon.  Let me tell you right now, it was oh so good!
The beautiful thing was it was only $6.00!
I decided to cut up some from fresh fruit to go along with it, and my mercy it complimented the pizza so well.
CPK Post
I definitely encourage you and your spouse to check out this meal idea for a night you decide to stay in.
Disclosure Statement:
This is a sponsored post brought to you by California Pizza Kitchen.  We have partnered with them to spread the word about their hand tossed style oven ready pizza. 

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You Robbed Me: A Story of God's Healing Love After Being Raped

Guest Writer: Lauren Anderson
This is the first time I am opening up about my rape two years ago. After it happened, I quickly moved on and “didn’t let it bother me.” But, recently life kind of slap me in the face and I ran into the guy who drugged me and raped me two years ago.
I wasn’t aware of the effects it had on me until I had to re-face the situation. I was traumatized all over again. PTSD does not just happen in war, and it was something I truly had to take the time to walk though.
As I write this post, I know most of you don’t know me, but some of you may. I want my story to be heard because of the beauty that has come out of it. I have felt alone because of this experience and I never really knew how to process it all, or truly heal from it. Today I read this poem to my Counselor, who had me write this to the guy who raped me. For the first time, I felt the healing from the power of what God’s LOVE has truly done through the situation.
No matter what you’ve been through, faith is all you need to get through it….faith that God is GOOD. Truly living by faith and not by sight. We have a choice to live in despair as a victim, or with faith as a conqueror. I chose faith and most of the time it wasn’t easy. But…no matter what you’re facing…..I pray you keep faith. I will never try to understand God, because I know I can’t. My “why’s” may never be answered, but I probably wouldn’t understand them now anyways. So, here it is…….my raw emotions displayed for you to see. A part of who I am.
__________________________________________

You Robbed Me……
When a robber breaks into your house, they invade your space, they go where they don’t belong.
A place you considered to be safe and comforting, the place you called Home.
They go in with the intention of taking something of value, something that is not theirs.
You Robbed Me.
You took the comfort and safety out of the very home that I live and breathe in.
You invaded my space and who I am.
You changed me.
Because of you I am different, I see differently, and I feel differently.
I did not invite you in to change me and to take value, but you took without thinking.
You took without considering the true value of what you were taking.
…..a part of ME
A part of me that someone else will want “to have and to hold,”
A part of me that requires trust and time…..You just took it.
I may not remember it and I don’t have memories to haunt me, but I feel the void.
In the very core of who I am I know what you took, and THAT haunts me.
It haunts me in a way that I feel at fault, that I should have done something more to stop you.
That I was the one who was wrong.
That I should have seen you coming.
But no…you came in the darkness of the night…my unconsciousness.
Waking up and knowing something was different, knowing what you did and my body was unable to stop it.
You took away my control of the sole thing I thought I may have real control over in this world….myself.
You took beauty and replaced it with filth.
You took light and replaced it with darkness.
You took confidence and left insecurities.
You took romance and left doubt.
You took faith and trust and left me with question.
You left me with a scar that I have to know is within me the rest of my life. A scar that is not visible, but felt. Felt in the very inner part of me.
You will never know, or even give it another thought.
You took and yet got nothing.
You took a part of me….A part of me you never even knew.
BUT
Here’s the Beauty in the Midst of Darkness.
You also GAVE me something.
You took what no man can replace yes, but you gave me reason to search.
You gave me a situation to overcome.
You gave me darkness so I could truly search for light.
You gave me questions so I could truly search for who I really am.
You gave me something I could never overcome alone….and though you made me feel alone…I now know I am not….and never was.
You gave me a rock bottom so I could know who was the rock at my bottom.
WHY?…………because I have a God who turns ashes into Beauty.
 
About the Guest Contributing Writer: My name is Lauren Anderson and I am currently working towards my Masters Degree in Counseling at Dallas Baptist University. I am passionate about helping people and this has only grown by walking through my own traumatic experiences of being raped two years ago. It’s nothing you see coming as is true with every traumatic event and is nothing you can be prepared for. It’s been a long journey but God has shown me more about him and myself than I could ever ask for. You are never alone.

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How to Survive the Feeling of Being Unloved by Your Spouse

Recently I have been dwelling on the scripture Ephesians 5: 28 “In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.” Though it is straight forward, I have found it to be packed with meaning. I have watched the men around me falter in their relationships because of lack of self control, or what we consider to be selfishness.
The fact that a person would stray from their spouse, whether through cheating or finding something else to occupy their time and energy, must mean that they love themselves more than they love their spouse.  But, I have learned that this is not true.

When a person is incapable of loving his/her spouse, it is not because they love themselves too much, it is because he/she lacks love all together.

 
When anyone is in search of anything outside of the marriage to compensate for what they believe is missing, it means there is a void that nothing but Christ can fill. Your spouse is incapable of loving you without first loving himself. You cannot teach your spouse how to love you, and it certainly isn’t your job either. We learn true love from Christ and his examples in the word of God. Ephesians 3:19 says, “May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.
Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Completion cannot come from anyone but Christ. It certainly will not come from you, because you are just as imperfect as your straying spouse. Though you may not see it or exhibit it in the same way your spouse does, you may have some work to do on yourself.

An imbalanced marriage does not occur because of one person. It is a collection of occurrences on both parts that leads to a break down.

If you are feeling unloved or unsupported, it is up to you to say so, but it is not up to you to fix it. This means that it is not up to you to fix or change the person that you are with so that you can be loved the way you want to be.
Remember, if your spouse is not loving you right, then he/she is not loving him/herself in the right way either. You should voice your feelings and be supportive in any way that you can while your spouse is learning how to love and forgive him/herself, but don’t think that you have the answer to their problems. The answer only lies in one entity: Christ.
 
When dealing with a spouse who isn’t on the same page as you are, the best thing you can do is pray and lead by example. “And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband[d] brings holiness to his marriage.” (2 Corinthians 7:13-15).  Holiness in a marriage means loving unconditionally.
It means learning how to love and forgive yourself and your spouse. It means to put your foundation in the things of God and when you are grounded in God, you both are grounded in each other. Don’t allow your spouse’s negative behavior to dictate yours.

When you do allow their behavior to dictate yours, you’re be throwing away the chance that you have to help get your relationship back on course.

I have found that anytime I have felt neglected, unloved, or alone, God always reminded me that I still have to do my part as a wife. My husband would see my dedication to God and to him, and would strive to match me. Of course I always learn that I am overreacting to certain behaviors, but I also see a change in him.
 
Marriage is a forever covenant that you make with an imperfect and emotional person. As the spouse of someone who does not seem to love you in the same way anymore, you should find your place in Christ, pray hard, and continue to love your spouse through both actions and words. Your faithfulness to your spouse and your Lord may spark a change in him/her.

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7 Eat In Family Kitchens that Will Cause Your Heart to Melt

Check out 7 Eat In Family Kitchens That Will Cause Your Heart to Melt

by Jamal Miller at Mode