Category: Single

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How to Wait and Pray for Your Future Spouse

We are told as believers to be patient, and WAIT on God regarding the coming of our spouses, but waiting is literally one of the most challenging things to do in our day and time.
I didn’t date much during my high school and college years simply because I saw it as a time for me to develop my relationship with God, and also because my pastor made it very clear to me that I wasn’t ready to lead a woman until I first proved I could lead myself.
But, even during those early years of my life I had such a genuine desire to meet, know, and love my future wife.  This is the story of many because God created us with the desire to come into covenant with one person that we will spend the rest of our life with. Upon recognizing the desire to marry, find someone and falling in love is not immediate, but the season of waiting is.
Waiting on your spouse is inevitable, but many do not embrace the art of praying for their future spouse during that time.  The bible states very sternly in Philippians 4:6, “To be anxious for NOTHING, but  in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  This is one of the most key verses for those in the season of waiting.
The moment you feel yourself becoming anxious you should automatically get on your face before God and pray!
During my single years, each night during my quiet time with God I would always end with a few short prayers covering my wife (whom I hadn’t met yet). I didn’t make requests about what I wanted her to be, but I prayed over her knowing that she was already somewhere fully created.  I would pray protective prayers over her, and ask that God would continue to push her into purpose knowing that would cause us to meet one day.
I made sure not to allow that to be the majority of my prayer time because during singleness your main priority should be the development of yourself, and your relationship with God. Praying for your spouse gives God full control, and will encourage you during your season of waiting with patience.
I thank God that He encouraged me to do this, because it was the very prayers that I prayed over my future wife that helped me recognize that Natasha was the one I had been praying for all those years.
So I encourage you as you are in the season of waiting to pray over your future spouse and watch God work!
Psalm 33:20-22 “Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.”

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Home Single Spiritual Intimacy

7 Truths about God to know as a Single

people, race, ethnicity and portrait concept - happy african american young woman with open arms in summer park

I have a confession to make: I had a dramatic moment the other day when I let my circumstances get the best of me. “I feel like I’m going to be single forever!” I thought to myself. You know how they go – those pity-party, woe-is-me, depressing moments.
However, as I allowed my mind to go there for a second, my heart screamed – but that is not the nature of God! He is not One who neglects prayer, promises, or the desires of our heart. As I allowed that truth to counter the frustration I was feeling, I began to realize the significance of knowing God’s heart and filtering my thoughts through that. Here are some important truths I came up with about who God really is:
He is…

  1. One who answers prayers


1 John 5:14-15 says “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him.” If God designed us with a desire to be married (Psalms 139:13-16), and also created marriage, then unless we’ve been given the gift of celibacy…it is His will for us to get married. If it is His will for us to get married, then when asking for it is according to His will, all that’s left is for us to know that He hears us!
2. One who exceeds expectations
Ephesians 3:20-21 states, “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us…” He not only is a God that answers our prayers, He is a God that exceeds them! That means that we can expect Him to surpass our understanding of how He operates in our lives.
3. One who guards our hearts
It’s possible that the reason you are still single is because the Lord is protecting your heart in the process of preparing you to be a husband or a wife. In 2 Timothy 1:12, Paul talks about how he is “convinced that He is able to guard that which he has entrusted to Him.” If you have entrusted your heart to God, do you believe that He will guard it? Can you recognize His involvement in your relationships or lack of relationships as Him guarding your heart? Sometimes it’s difficult to separate our emotions from the reality of that truth, but if we can rise above our circumstances, we can see God for who He really is – a protective, caring Friend and Father.
4. One who fulfills promises
When Abraham was given an impossible promise, he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised.’ (Romans 4:21). In Hebrews 6:13-15, it says that “When God made His promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself, saying, “I will surely bless you and give you many descendants. And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.” In those moments when you feel hopeless about your situation, remember that you are not the first to face a seemingly-impossible promise! If God has fulfilled that type of promise before, He will certainly do it again.
5. One who prepares us
God is a good Father. A good father wouldn’t put his child into a situation that they aren’t ready for. You may still be single because He is preparing you for marriage. 2 Peter 3:9 – “The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” What if He cares so deeply about the quality of your marriage that He won’t allow you to enter that season until you’re ready (ready by His [all-knowing, wise, understanding, preeminent] definition, not yours)
6. One who doesn’t disappoint us
Romans 9:33 says, “Behold, I lay in Zion a Stone of stumbling and a Rock of offense, and he who believes in Him will not be disappointed.” Psalm 22:5 says that “To You they cried out and were delivered; in You they trusted and were not disappointed.” If we’re feeling disappointed, my guess is that God isn’t finished with His work in our situation yet.
6. One who gives us the desires of our hearts
The famous verse, “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart,” (Psalm 34:7) is important for singles to know and believe. It’s also important to know that if you’re waiting for Him to give you the desires of your heart, He may be calling you into deeper intimacy with Him. The phrase “take delight in the Lord” implies that our joy needs to be rooted in Him, not in people, things, talents, etc. Once that occurs, we can trust that He will fulfill dreams and desires.
Being single can have its ups and downs, as does any season of life. However, if we choose to let the truths of who God is define our view of our situation, then we are bound to be filled with hope and joy, no matter the circumstance!

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Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Single

What You Need to Know About Finding a Godly Husband

Attractive Afro-American couple using tablet, holding a cup and laughing while sitting on beanbag chairs against brick wall

 
They’re out there. Good men. Godly men. Real men. I know you’ve been burned, disappointed, disillusioned, even discouraged, but don’t be disbelieving. Unfortunately, you don’t hear this from mainstream media. Your wounded friends don’t tell you about the warrior-princes of the Kingdom, either. You may not even hear it from church! Men are either presented in our society as aloof, senseless buffoons, angry control-addicts, or sex-starved animals.
I want to assure you that these caricatures are not representative of Godly men who dream of being married, having children, and changing the world through Christ together. There is more. No, not all men are alike. No, not all men are pigs. As long as the world endures, there will be real men of God.
I hope these five tips will help you in your search for a Godly man:
 1. Pray. Many women I know tell me they have prayed specifically over their husband. They pray for his character, for his development into a man of God, and for overcoming his struggles. They pray over their husbands’ parents, friends, and influences. Some have even prayed for specific features, like hair and eye color! I think this is okay, but don’t get hung up on blue eyes if the Lord brings a brown-eyed man your way, who has the same values and goals as you. It is the heart of a man that God values and no one is more attractive than when the glory of the Lord shines through them (I Samuel 6:17).
2. Go where Godly men are.The truth is, you have to know where to find them. Godly men aren’t lurking in the places that the movies say they are. They aren’t occupying a barstool. They aren’t linking arms with multiple women at the clubs. They aren’t forgetting the name of the last girl from last night’s hookup.
They’re probably on their knees, praying for you.
 Don’t hide in your room and complain about not meeting anyone; go to the places you would want your husband to be found. Be active at church and church events. Bottom line: Godly men are seeking God. Seek God and you will find your husband. Wait on the Lord. I’m not trying to sound simplistic, but that is God’s heart for our lives: Seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)
3. Know who you don’t want. Define where your journey with the Lord is taking you, and determine to go there, not being distracted by people who will tie a weight around your ankles and deter you from your journey. Know what kinds of guys are dangerous to your relationship with the Lord. That being said, I have this caution: do not operate in a false spirit of discernment, wrongfully casting judgment on people in the name of “righteousness.” We can judge the fruit of one’s life, but we cannot see hearts. (Matthew 7:16)
4. Have Godly standards. To reiterate point #2, seek Christ yourself. Honor what God honors in a person. Be firmly rooted in your prayer life and Bible reading. Know how a Godly man honors a woman. Ask the Lord to search your heart and reveal any ungodly beliefs about Him and males in your life and ask Him to guide you.
5. Get ready. Pray for rain, and then grab your umbrella. Know how to manage finances, and how to manage your soul. Determine what you need to work on in yourself as preparation for merging your life to another human being. Pray, seek, fast. Thank God for who He has prepared for you. Rejoice that God’s ways are perfect!
 
 
 
 
 

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Single

2 Myths Christian Single’s Must Stop Believing About Relationships

Shy woman and man sitting on sofa couch next each other. First date. Attractive girl and handsome guy meeting dating and trying to talk. Male touching picking up female. Instagram filtered.

There are many people I could blame for the establishing of certain myths that Christians have now embraced as expectations for marriage. A myth is anything that is an idea that is WIDELY held, but false.   It is so important when desiring to meet the right one for you that you have the right mindset to help you be successful in not only meeting, but eventually getting married.
 
These are 2 myths that I have heard taught strongly whether it be through social media posts, sermons, books, and we can’t forget romantic movies.
 
 
Lets start with the most important one.
 

  1. God has only one person for you to marry.

 
My background is in biblical studies with my major being in systematic theology. I have a strong passion for the Word of God, and also for the correct teaching of God’s Word. But, no where in scripture do we see the validation that there is only one person for you to marry. In fact if you examine this concept from the right angle it will all make sense.
 
If there were only one person for you to marry, then that means you have one chance to get it right. Last time I checked, God has taken many of my not so good decisions and turned them for His good according to Romans 8:28.
 
And, lets just for fun say you do make a mistake and marry the “wrong” person that God didn’t have specifically for you, then now your children are illegitimate. Your children’s children are illegitimate. You’ve basically just thrown off the entire universe because you married the “wrong” person.
 
Now, lets add to it. What happens if the one person God has for you marries someone else before you meet? Does that mean you must be single for forever because that person married to soon?
 
The goal isn’t to find the one person, but to find the best person that is suitable for you and your future. The reality is there are MANY people out there that could be suitable for you that God would approve of.
 
 

  1. God chooses your spouse.

 
The first account of marriage we see in the Word of God is Adam and Eve.
 
In Genesis 2:22-23 it states, “Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man”.
 
The process of Adam and Eve coming into covenant was 2 steps. First God created her, then Adam CHOSE her. We do not see God saying to Adam, “HEY ADAM HERE SHE IS” or, “ADAM THAT’S HER”. But, we do see God presenting her to Adam, and then Adam CHOOSING HER.
 
Yes, 100% God needs to be a part of the process, but He has given us principles in His Word to help us choose a suitable mate.   Who you choose to marry should be a very conscious decision made with counsel from leaders, friends, and the peace of Holy Spirit. Do not choose someone because it just feels right, or because you had a dream about you two being together and immediately think God gave you the dream.
 
These two myths are MAJOR in the Christians journey for how they approach dating and relationships. Once you stop believing there is only person for you to marry and that the choice is not yours then it will truly free you to get to know people without the pressure of missing it or getting it wrong.
 
 

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Dating/Courting Home Single

10 Signs You Have a Soul Tie and How to Break Them

There are many different kinds of soul ties some healthy and others unhealthy. For the sake of this article, I will be concentrating on the unhealthy soul ties that are formed in romantic relationships before marriage. Humans are what we call “triune beings”, they are made of soul, spirit, and body. Our souls are the seat of our will, emotions, and intellect. Before marriage,our souls should be connected to  the spirit of God as people who are believers. That means our will , emotions and intellect should be guided by the spirit of God. After marriage, our soul should be connected to our mate and the Holy Spirit. God initially designed a soul tie within marriage so that couples could walk as one. However, if a person becomes emotionally and sexually entangled with someone before marriage, they create a soul tie that is unhealthy.
Here are some clues you have a soul tie:

  1. Your mood shifts based on their presence or absence.
  2. They are constantly on your mind.
  3. You have difficulty making decisions without that person’s input or approval.
  4. You always consider the person’s reaction or thoughts when you are making decisions.
  5. You stalk them on social media
  6. You cannot stop seeing them or having sex with them
  7. You stay with them even if the relationship is unhealthy
  8. You stay with them despite family and friend’s protest
  9. You think about them sexually even after you are married to someone else
  10. You are willing to do ANYTHING to make the relationship work.

Here are some spiritual steps to take in order to start the process of breaking a soul tie:  

  1. Acknowledge you have a soul tie
  2. Confess it to the Lord
  3. Renounce the relationship with that person
  4. Come out of agreement with anything you did with that person
  5. Make a declaration to walk forward with God.
  6. Get deliverance prayer if needed.

In addition to these spiritual steps, you will need to do practical things like get rid of their number, move, or change your number, etc.

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Marriage Single Spiritual Intimacy

Three Treasures of a Spouse In Love With Jesus

Happy together. Young man kissing beautiful cheerful women while she hugging him and looking at the camera.

I walked into our church’s youth building fifteen years ago. I saw a blonde-haired girl sitting on the floor in a flannel shirt and rolled up jeans, practicing her guitar before the youth service began. She had her eyes closed and an angelic melody was coming out of her, like I had never heard before. When the youth pastor asked her to open the service, she kept her eyes closed and sang to the Lord from her very core. When she spoke, she didn’t speak like the other girls; her tone was different, her demeanor was different, and her focus was different.
I was delightfully baffled and wholly fascinated by this girl who spoke about Jesus as if He were a Friend. Fifteen years later, we are married and have three children. Her unique love and devotion to Christ continues to fascinate me. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” I would venture to say that he who finds a wife who loves Jesus finds a great thing.
Here are three treasures of a spouse who is in love with Jesus:

  1. Joy–As Nehemiah 8:10 says, “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” Joy doesn’t mean an unlimited supply of happiness, but it is a resting place of delight and satisfaction, which result in peace. When a person encounters Jesus, they encounter pure joy. It is a promised additive to Christ’s disciples.

Paul says that the Fruit of the Spirit (the by-product of the Holy Spirit) “is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23) My wife doesn’t walk around with a glued-on, plastic smile, but she is a person who laughs even in darkness and waves the banner of God’s majesty and faithfulness, no matter how dark the storm clouds look. This is joy.

  1. Stability–Those storm clouds I mentioned above have no permanent foothold in a person who is in love with Jesus. The Apostle Paul speaks of a people who are steadfast in their faith: “…We will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.” (Eph. 4:14)

My wife may have moments of wavering in overwhelming opposition, but she has never been swept away into a lifestyle of deceit or been shipwrecked in her faith. No, my wife is sure-footed as a deer. (Psalm 18:33) Trust me, when those storm clouds choke out the last ray of sunlight, it sure is beautiful to see my wife staring into the storm with a resolute face that says, “I will not be shaken.”

  1. Wisdom—A person who loves Jesus has the mind of Christ. (1 Cor. 2:16) As a couple, we seek the Lord together on everything. We depend on Him. The beauty of a Godly marriage is that two people who have a unique, living, dynamic, friendship with God come together and have a friendship with God together in a way that is equally as unique as the individual relationship with the Lord. The Lord reveals things to Sarah that I haven’t seen yet, and vice versa. True wisdom comes from Him. Many times, the Lord has hidden the answer to a problem in the depths of my wife’s heart, and it is when I ask her what she sees in the situation that I actually can see the heart of God in the situation. I can trust God’s wisdom in her.

I cherish the treasures of Christ that He has deposited in my wife. What are other treasures you see in a person in love with Jesus?

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Single

5 Clues You've Met a Keeper

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Singles, as I always say love should not be complicated and it should not be too difficult. While most people will not know on the first date if  they’ve met their match, there are definitely some signs you have met a keeper.  Here are some signs that show that someone is into you on the first date.

  1. They are On Time – Whether they are picking you up or you are the one picking them up, most people will make a real effort to be where they need to be. Even if you have agreed to meet somewhere. Because we want to make a good impression most people will do everything they can to be ready or where they need to be.
  2. For Women- The guy opens your doors, pulls out your seat, lets you order first. Basically, he puts your needs before his needs. That Guy is a keeper.
  3. They Want to Know about You– If a person is constantly talking about themselves, they are either nervous or just not that into you. A person that is a keeper will be more interested in learning about you. They will ask questions and listen intently.
  4. They Freely Talk about God- For Christians, the only thing God asks of us in our dating relationships is that we be equally yoked if you meet someone who is passionate about their walk with God, and is interested in your walk with the lord. They are a keeper.
  5. They Talk about the Future– If someone is able to share their vision as to where they hope to be in several years and their plan includes marriage, they may be a keeper, you do not ever want to date someone who does not have marriage in mind. You will be dating for a long time.

Remember to be constantly checking in with the Holy Spirit, he has given you the gift of discernment, discernment is not only to pick up bad things but also good things.

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Dating/Courting Single

Valentine's Day Prayer for Dating Couples

Happy African American Couple Smiling

First off, CONGRATULATIONS! You may be asking why am I congratulating you. Well, you are in a beautiful season in your life.
You are in a dating relationship which means you most likely remember what it was like to be single not to long ago. Be grateful that you are in the season of getting to know someone for the purpose of marriage.
I want to pray over you as you celebrate having someone to treat special this Valentine’s Day.
Father,
I thank you for this dating couple. I pray as they continue to get to know another that they will be wise with every day they are given in this relationship.
May they establish their relationship on the foundation of their love for you.  May this relationship be a testament that it is possible to do relationships God’s way.
I pray you would give them wisdom, strength, and patience as they grow together as a couple. Let their conversations be full of life, and that they will have a community of support to help them during hard times.
Father, I bless this couple with your peace as they press towards being more and more faithful to your Word.
In Jesus Name,
Amen!

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Single

Single's: 3 Encouraging Prayers For You This Valentine's Day

Close-up portrait of beautiful young African American woman with afro hairstyle and green eyes wearing blue sweater. Girl smiling.

I can remember it like it was yesterday – writing in my journal on February 14th asking God to make sure that this was my last year without a valentine. It was then that having someone was more important than anything else. Well, you can rest assured I didn’t have a valentine the next year either.
Was God trying to teach me a lesson? I’m not sure if it was intentional or not, but it worked. I learned that I couldn’t allow what was happening around me to negatively affect what God was doing in my life.
Yes, there are hard to deal with emotions that will arise in you during holidays such as Valentine’s Day. But, learning how to be okay alone is one of the most mature places you can ever get to.
I want to pray over you for 3 specific things as you journey through this Valentine’s Day single.

  1. That you will be content in God’s process over your life,
  2. You will fall more in love with God as your first covenant relationship
  3. You will be grateful that you’re not in a toxic relationship suffering. There’s a powerful quote that says, “ I rather be single than lied to, disrespected, or cheated on.”

Content

Father, I thank you for your precious child as they go through this holiday single, but not alone. I speak the joy of contentment in you over them that they will embrace your process and trust it as the greatest journey to be on.

Satisfied

May they fall more in love with you this Valentine’s day and rediscover the fruit of living a life solely for you. I pray the spirit of gratitude would enter their hearts, soul, and mind that they are not locked up in a toxic relationship taking them no where.

Grateful

And, lastly Father I pray for my brother/sister’s future spouse. May they be found at this very moment preparing themselves for the greatest season of their life. May their hearts be guarded from all distractions of the enemy in order to fully attentive for when your perfect timing comes to bring them together.
Amen.

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Single

Let HER Work

I was visiting a bible study a few weeks ago with about 30 young adults. This bible study was full of people from every walk of life. That night, toward the end of the bible study, the leader decided to go around the room and have each person share where they were in their journey with patience. As I listened to everybody respond, there seemed to be a common theme in the room. That theme was patience in relationships and the desire to be married.
 
After listening for a while, the Holy Spirit spoke to me about the purpose of patience in every area but especially pertaining to relationships. One of the things I realized that night was that most people look at patience as a plague or even a punishment from God. Some said it was extremely difficult to be patient especially in relationships because often times they knew what they wanted and wanted it right away.
 
There seemed to be a lack of a desire and a value for patience that night and more value for the prize that exists on the other side of patience. So many people shared how they felt that if they could just be patient, it would be worth it in the end because they would get the guy or the girl that they desired. As I thought about it more, how does being patient help you obtain a prize? It doesn’t. In fact it can be quite opposite. Being patient sometimes can cause you to miss out on what you thought was going to be the prize.
 
In all of this, there are three things that I think are important to know about being patient in relationships. This could mean waiting for the one and not rushing into a relationship. It could also mean being patient with yourself and where you thought you would be right now in relationships. It could also mean being in a relationship and not rushing to the altar for the sake of the prize. No matter where you find yourself, here is what is important to know about patience:
 

  1. You must learn to value patience.

I wish I understood this concept when I was rushing to the altar of marriage, fresh out of college. I had no value for patience, therefore, like many of the people in the room that night, it was so much harder to be patient and so much more tempting to jump the gun in relationships, even to the point of the marriage. I had no ability to measure the damage that would be caused due to my lack of patience.

  1. Patience is not about the prize you will receive, it’s about the process you are in.

Oftentimes we think of patience as a caveat: “if we just hold out, then we will get the woman of our dreams or the man of our dreams.” The reality is, you being patient has nothing to do with the person you will end up with. It has everything to do with your trust in God and where He is taking you in life. When people are impatient, especially in relationships, it is like they are telling God to hurry up because He doesn’t understand what they need or want.

  1. Patience PERFECTS you!

The main reason patience is so important is because the Bible makes it clear in James 1, verse 4, “But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” When patience is exercised and grown in your life it perfects you. I think about people who jump the gun in relationships only to find out they still had unresolved issues on the other end of the rush – even in areas of purpose and careers. Usually when people move too quickly, they jump into something without the necessary tools to sustain their position.
 
Such was my case which led me to a divorce in less than a year. Rushing to the altar for marriage so that I would not “fall into sin” only caused me to abort the process of perfection that could only come from patience. I simply sold somebody a fragmented version of myself because I never allowed patience to have its perfect work. I was incomplete but made others believe that I had it together because I moved ahead of the process I was in.
 
Having patience in your relationships will allow God to complete the process IN YOU. It will help the other person to ensure that the person they are with (hopefully forever) will be complete, lacking nothing because of patience. Any time you jump ahead of your process, you rush into something and end up looking good on the outside while being hollow on the inside. As you enjoy the life you live, I encourage you to slow down. Don’t rush. Let patience perfect you so that when you do move into a relationship you will be complete, lacking nothing because you allowed patience to work.
 
M&Y is hosting an Online Singles Conference next month! If you are interested in registering or learning more about it, you can check out our website here: The Online Singles Conference