Category: Single

Single

The Goodness in Singleness

Post author By admin
Post date August 3, 2015
3 Comments on The Goodness in Singleness

Guest Writer: Areli Villasenor

There are many obvious struggles in being single, and the church sometimes aggravates the situation by telling us to guard our hearts. But let’s just face it, some of us are over here like, “well that’s easy for you to say, married person!” I have taken my time to ask a few of my single girl friends what their biggest struggle is in being single, and one of them said, “I don’t mind being single, just show me the goodness in that season.” I totally get her. It’s hard enough to see your best friend receiving the promise before you, not that you are not happy for them, but your heart just desires to be with someone. You feel me?

One thing that has helped me through the single season is knowing that God can use me in the now. Sometimes we tend to think we are not mature enough to be used, to start a ministry, or to live our biggest dream. We long to live our dreams with our future husband. Wrong! God wants to use you now! God wants to use your struggles to help other women step into the freedom that you have found. So, I encourage you to go after your dreams. Don’t put your life or dreams on hold because you are waiting on someone to help you fulfill them. Life is short and a few years from now you will regret that you wasted your time sitting around not going after what you enjoy and desire.

Another thing that God has revealed to me in this season of singleness is that God has given me a sword. Let me explain a little bit more about what I mean by a sword. Lately I’ve been tired of the Disney movie theology that Christian singles have seem to adopted. We believe we are God’s princesses waiting for our prince, or shall I say our Boaz. And that’s fine, we are God’s princesses, but oh my goodness can we just talk about that? Girls, we are not called to sit here and wait for our prince. Neither are we called to sit around and wait to be pursued.

Say what? Okay, okay. We are called to be pursued, but not in the way we think. Yes, we will be pursued, God willing, but it is not our life’s calling to sit and wait for a man. Yes, we are to wait, but not just for our Boaz, we are called to sit in His presence and wait to hear His voice. Instead of just waiting around for our prince like some of those Disney princesses, we are called to rise up, pick up our sword and fight against our struggles and insecurities. We are called to fight for ourselves as daughters of the most High God. We are called to fight for our freedom and fullness in Jesus.

As we pick up our weapons of warfare we will be strong in Him, walking in God’s fullness and joy. We will be ready for the day that a Godly man steps into our lives, so that we can run the race with him and help him fight the good fight. Our Boaz does not need a princess, rather he needs a woman of God, a mighty warrior that will help him in the battle. So, I encourage you beautiful woman, mighty warrior of God, pick up your weapon of choice and fight for your dreams, fight for your healing, your passions, overcome your insecurities, and be filled with God, for there is nothing or no one better than Jesus.

I am 27 years old currently completing a Masters degree in Counseling at Dallas Baptist University. I graduated from Christ for the Nations in 2010 with a degree in theology and youth ministry. I am passionate and hungry for the things of Jesus. Because of my past struggles with relationships and insecurities, God has given me the desire to see women overcome their barriers and come together in unity. One of my biggest desires is to help women see that God has given them each a sword to rise up as warriors in order to advance the Kingdom of God. I also have a huge heart for the nations, so I enjoy learning and meeting people from other cultures. It is my deepest desires to impact the nations. I have been a dancer since I was 5 years old, and I enjoy teaching dance and prophetic dancing. I love fashion, food, pioneering, and hanging out with family and friends. I live in freedom!

Dating/Courting Single

5 Ways to Get Over the Person Who Left You

Post author By admin
Post date July 22, 2015
2 Comments on 5 Ways to Get Over the Person Who Left You

A few weeks ago I decided to take a stroll down memory lane, reflecting on all my past relationship/situationships. As I struggled to recall details of past relationships, I realized “God favored me”. I, like most people, have dealt with situations that had the potential to leave me deep in a depression, with low self-esteem, and perhaps even suicidal.

But some how, I escaped with small traces of low-self esteem and a tad bit of sadness, which faded away with time.

Reflecting on this, I thought I’d share how I got over the ones who left me:

1. Make Up Your Mind!
The bible lets us know that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways! You have to make a decision that you are done, and refuse to go back. It’s simple, either you are completely done or you’re not. If you’re not, stop reading (lol).

2. Eliminate All Means of Communication.
Nope, you can’t be friends. Sorry! In this stage of vulnerability, it’s imperative that you separate yourself. With one ex, I actually deleted my twitter because it’s origin was to keep an eye on him. I brought a new phone because we used BBM a lot, and I blocked his post from my newsfeed on FB.
I was hopeful that one day we could be friends, so I didn’t want to defriend him totally. Don’t accept the phone call or text. Communication is a way of keeping your heart involved, even when you think you aren’t.

3. Worship.
Worship is the BEST way to turn your heart towards God. Spending time with the mender of broken hearts will ensure the pain eventually fades.

4. Pray.
Duh, right! But many can’t pray effective prayers because they haven’t made a decision (see point 1). I would encourage whomever this blog is for to pray this, or a similar prayer: “Lord, clear my mind of every negative memory and remove every spiritual attachment. In my experience, these are the two areas that are the most haunting.

5. TURN UP!
Well, not literally! Turn up as in, enjoy life! Time waits for no man; therefore, you cant afford to spend a day, a week, or even a year in sadness. The more time you waste, the less effective you are in moving the cross. I don’t know about you, but I would rather move mountains for the one who gave his WHOLE life for me than waste precious time dwelling on the one who left!

I hope I haven’t given the impression that getting over someone you genuinely loved is as easy as 1,2,3 because its not. On the other hand, with God nothing is impossible!

XOXO,
Shannon C Colar
Lovebyencouragement.com

Tags break up, dating, get over, relationship

Dating/Courting Engaged Single

Russell Wilson: Ciara and I Committed to NOT Having Sex After God Spoke This to Me

Post author By admin
Post date July 6, 2015
1 Comment on Russell Wilson: Ciara and I Committed to NOT Having Sex After God Spoke This to Me

Russell Wilson, who is a top NFL Quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks is in a dating relationship with R&B Singer and Dancer, Ciara.
God spoke to Russell one night at one of her shows and asked her, “I need you to lead her”. He says he knew that God brought them together to bless others. He then asks her what if they took all the extra stuff off the table and does their relationship God’s way!
Here is a clip of him talking more about this commitment for them to abstain from sex.
Skip to 23:53!
https://youtu.be/TmVgryMK8i8?t=1433
Skip to 23:53!
This is an awesome testimony of how it is possible to abstain from sexual relations before marriage. It is not easy, but it is worth it. I love how he did ask everyone to pray for them. That is real talk!

Single

Why I Chose Celibacy? 5 Reasons to Abstain

Post author By admin
Post date October 27, 2014
8 Comments on Why I Chose Celibacy? 5 Reasons to Abstain

Dating/Courting Single

The Purpose in Waiting on God for Your Spouse

Post author By admin
Post date June 20, 2014
9 Comments on The Purpose in Waiting on God for Your Spouse

We often hear people say “Singles need to wait on God”, but what does it mean to wait on the Lord as it pertains to relationships, dating,courtship and marriage?
One definition of “Wait” is “To stay in a place or remain in readiness or in anticipation (until something expected happens or for someone to arrive or catch up); to be ready or at hand”.
Sometimes when the word “wait” is heard it is interpreted as staying in a position or doing nothing until a certain time or until something occurs. However, when we use and hear the phrase “to wait on the Lord” it often requires specific actions or behaviors while we wait ”.
A key term used in the mentioned definition of wait is readiness. The word readiness is derived from ready which means to be prepared. Unmarried believers who desire to be married are taught to just wait on God until he sends their mate, attend church, stay saved and trust God to send their mate when he is ready.
The problem with this belief is that 9 times out of 10 God is waiting for unmarried believers to become ready to send their mate. Many men and women are waiting for the day when they will find their earthly love or be found but often miss the preparation stage which precedes being found or finding the right one. Waiting on the Lord to send a mate requires preparation.
The preparation stage which always precedes meeting someone, courtship and marriage but is often missed, ignored or ends prematurely. It requires both men and women who desire marriage to be delivered from strongholds that has the power to be detrimental to the individual, their purpose and others.
It requires, pruning, unlearning ungodly beliefs and generational dysfunctions, submission to God and his will for your life, healing from past relationships (if applicable), hurts, disappointments and receiving a level of restoration to become sober with a new mindset and Godly perspectives.
In the preparation stage girls are transformed into women and boys are made into men. Women learn how to become wives and men learn how to become husbands.
If you have taken the necessary time for God to mature, heal and prepare you to become a husband or wife refuse to settle as a result of being tired of waiting on the right one. Settling is proof that your trust is not in God to do what he has already promised you.
When your trust, faith and hope is truly in him there is no need or desire to settle! We begin to view waiting as a benefit instead of a curse, God’s timing as protection instead of a punishment and most importantly we understand we can not afford to settle for anyone who has the potential to compromise our purpose or future.
Until you understand the blessings in your “waiting season” you will never enjoy the quality of your life and purpose in being anunmarried believer! There is purpose in why you are still unmarried and until you discover it, chances are you will remain unmarried or settle for someone who was never intended to be apart of your life.
Your happiness or unhappiness as an unmarried believer is your choice. The choice is always yours to move prematurely into a relationship/marriage or to wait and submit to God’s timing for your future relationship and marriage.

Tags relationship-killer

Dating/Courting Engaged Single

4 Benefits To Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex

Post author By admin
Post date March 6, 2014
8 Comments on 4 Benefits To Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex

A popular pastor that I follow quotes that sex can be considered 3 things, “gross, god, or a gift.” I believe this to be very true in our day due to how sex is overrated outside of marriage and underrated within marriage. It is gross to those that have been taught their entire life that sex is bad and will cause people to look at you differently. For some it can be made a god if its not taught on biblically from God’s original intent. But, it is God’s purpose for sex to be seen as a gift. Sex is a gift to be shared with your spouse within the confines of marriage. My wife and I by the grace of God were both virgins at the moment of saying, “I Do”, to one another on our wedding day.

Here are 4 benefits of waiting until marriage to have sex.

1. Keeps God at the center of your relationship
Honoring God in our relationship was my wife and I’s supreme goal and saying no to sex made that goal easily accomplishable. God is the inventor of marriage, which means you need Him in your marriage in order to have a healthy one. The stages before you say “I Do’ are the most crucial for laying a solid foundation for your marriage. Establishing a no sex boundary will keep you focused on the important aspects of a courting relationship. Yes, the desire to have sex will come, but with God you will be able to have the strength to resist temptation. Trusting God in your relationship will help you to make a confident decision when you feel that person may be the one you desire to marry.
2. Learn how to talk it out before you walk it out
Communication has always been and will always be one of the key components of a healthy relationship. My wife and I had a long distance relationship so majority of our time spent before marriage was over Skype or on the phone. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done, but it was so worth it. We really learned each other on so many levels, and when we did see one another the boundaries we had set in place kept us focused on enjoying one another communicatively versus physically. Early sexual satisfaction in a relationship delays you from discovering key areas of the relationship such as ability to commit, compatibility, and agreement on future goals.
3. Protects you from being attached before you say “I Do”.
There are only a few things that can attach you to someone for the rest of your life and two of those is a child together and sex. Children are a blessing from the Lord, but can also be a challenge to raise in hard circumstances. Protect yourself from this by agreeing to wait until marriage to have sex. Another attachment that can form through sexual activity is a soul tie. Sex was created by God to tie that couple together forever, but when done outside of marriage the same effect happens. But, now it’s an illegitimate tie versus a covenantal tie. Sex outside of marriage may feel good in that moment, but thats all you will be left with after that night is over. If the relationship doesn’t work out, then breaking it off will be much easier if there hasn’t been a spiritual soul tie through sex.
4. Incomparable sex within marriage.
You can guarantee that if you abstain from having sex during your courting stage that the value you place upon one another will last your entire life. This value adds volumes to your sex life in marriage. Study shows that those that wait to have sex are happier in the long run. I do not look at my wife like a piece of meat, but a treasure worth being handled with tender care. I proved that to her by denying my flesh, and leading the stand for our purity. Our wedding night was the most beautiful encounter as we exchanged our gifts to another. Our marriage was established on a sure foundation with God in the center of it all. Married people have the best sex!

Even if you have already had sex in a previous relationship that doesn’t disqualify you from making the decision to abstain until you are married. If you are in a sexually active relationship now, but desire to change things then pray for God to give you wisdom as you approach your girl/boyfriend. I guarantee you it will be worth it in the end.