Tag: Five

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Married with Expectations

Unhappy couple at therapy session in therapists office

Many of us have expectations of what desire to see in a mate. Often our expectations are based on past experiences whether good or bad. Case in point, when I got engaged to my now husband, I had a long list of expectations for him. It was during premarital counseling that our pastor helped me too see that I hadn’t healed from past experiences.
After going through counseling, I realized that my expectations of my husband were ridiculous. I had to go back and remember the promise that God had spoken over my life. God told me before we started dating that he was my husband.
During our last premarital session, my pastor asked me what my expectations of my future husband were. I responded, “To love me like Christ loves the church.” Ephesians 5:25 At that moment all my walls came tumbling down, knowing that God wouldn’t bless me with a man that would intentionally harm me.  I also knew, that God wouldn’t give me a man that resembled anything like the men I had chosen before.
If I had kept my long list of expectations that I had before we got married, our marriage would be struggling to thrive. There are days that I still have to check myself so that I’m not expecting my husband to be like anyone else but the man that God has called him to be.
If you have a long list of expectations of your fiancé or husband, here are some questions to ask yourself:

  1. How did God manifest your courtship?
  2. How has God worked in your relationship prior to marriage?
  3. What obstacles or challenges have you overcome together?
  4. Why did you make the conscious decision to marry your spouse?

It’s okay to have standards for your mate but it’s not okay to have expectations of your mate. Your expectations can hinder your marriage from being purpose filled. If my husband had not met my standards, I wouldn’t have even dated him. He met my standards and actually exceeded them.
Expectations can become a burden in your marriage because you are expecting your spouse to act or respond in a certain way. It’s not fair to the person to set expectations on them. If they don’t meet your expectations you began view them in a negative light.
Your spouse isn’t a mind reader, so don’t expect them to know what you are thinking or even desire from them. Always remember that you are two imperfect people and you are not the same. There are going to be some imperfections displayed in the both of you. Don’t let that overpower that greatness that God has brought together. At the end of the day know that we serve a perfect God.
Throw the ungodly  expectations out the door and allow your marriage to thrive beyond what you could ever imagine.
I want to know your thoughts on this subject….Leave a comment below.

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged

How to Remain Celibate While Dating

Interracial couple in love having fun in the city

Recently, I was asked if my husband I were celibate before marriage and if so, how?
My response: “yes and one word – boundaries!”
Before I met my husband I made up in my mind I wasn’t going to make the same mistake for a third time and I was determined to remain faithful to God and honor Him with not only my life but my body.
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
I learned from previous mistakes that it’s better to avoid temptation than be in a situation where you have to flee it. When my husband and I started dating we made sure to only see each other in public and we never visited each other’s homes. It was best to just avoid close quarters. Watching a movie late at night while my roommate was out of town was no longer an option.
Along with our boundaries there were several things that helped us remain celibate before marriage:
1. Understanding: we were both on the same page.  We both had the same end goal of marriage, thus, we were intentional about dating God’s way.
Dating someone who is not fully in agreement would had been hard. I’ve been in that situation before and failed.  You’re more likely to be tempted by your partner  and he/she may not be as committed to the relationship.
2.  Accountability: we both had someone close to us, who we allowed to check in on us. My husband and I came up with a grading scale and after every date we would rate ourselves. We got a C once but never failed. Sounds funny now but it worked, and we would share our grades with our accountability partners.
3.  Protecting Your Eye & Ear Gates: when dating it may be best to skip over the love scenes in movies and avoid some of  your favorite R&B songs. It’s probably best to stick to comedy and gospel. Ha!
 
Abstinence while dating is absolutely possible but it takes intentionality. However, it’s always worth the wait!

Categories
Home Single

5 Mistakes Single People Make Before Marriage

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Single

5 Clues You've Met a Keeper

357410

Singles, as I always say love should not be complicated and it should not be too difficult. While most people will not know on the first date if  they’ve met their match, there are definitely some signs you have met a keeper.  Here are some signs that show that someone is into you on the first date.

  1. They are On Time – Whether they are picking you up or you are the one picking them up, most people will make a real effort to be where they need to be. Even if you have agreed to meet somewhere. Because we want to make a good impression most people will do everything they can to be ready or where they need to be.
  2. For Women- The guy opens your doors, pulls out your seat, lets you order first. Basically, he puts your needs before his needs. That Guy is a keeper.
  3. They Want to Know about You– If a person is constantly talking about themselves, they are either nervous or just not that into you. A person that is a keeper will be more interested in learning about you. They will ask questions and listen intently.
  4. They Freely Talk about God- For Christians, the only thing God asks of us in our dating relationships is that we be equally yoked if you meet someone who is passionate about their walk with God, and is interested in your walk with the lord. They are a keeper.
  5. They Talk about the Future– If someone is able to share their vision as to where they hope to be in several years and their plan includes marriage, they may be a keeper, you do not ever want to date someone who does not have marriage in mind. You will be dating for a long time.

Remember to be constantly checking in with the Holy Spirit, he has given you the gift of discernment, discernment is not only to pick up bad things but also good things.

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

5 Crucial Areas to Pray Over Your Future Spouse

My wife is pregnant with our third child. As a mother, carrying this baby from embryo to infant, she is connected with this child. Everything is different. Her body has undergone a transformation as she produces hormones to accommodate the changes taking place on the inside. She felt the first kicks from inside of her womb, the gradual increase in the child’s weight, and effects on her own emotions as a result.
She has felt every single moment of this pregnancy.
It’s different for the father, though. When I found out we were expecting #3, I laughed and cried, and jumped and sang—for a week. Then, I did what most fathers do: I moved on. I went back to work, and life, for the most part, carried on as normal. Not because I wasn’t excited, but because I didn’t have the constant connection with the little one that a mother does.
But that day is approaching when I will see his little face and hear his little cry for the first time, and I will be wrecked. I don’t have to see my unborn child to love him. Soon, I’ll have a new little person in my life, and I’ll wonder how I ever lived without him.
There are things I can do now to love this person. It will be the same with your future spouse.
You may not have the visual evidence of your future spouse, but you have hope of seeing that distant desire explode into radical reality. Right now, he or she is in the thick of life. Don’t underestimate the impact of prayer.
Here are five crucial areas to be praying over your future spouse:

  1. Faith— You may not know the level of faith of your future spouse. As Christians, we know that the Lord does not want us to be unequally yoked with someone who does not share your love for Christ. (2 Corinthians 6:14) Pray for their encounter with God. Pray that their hearts will be set firmly and passionately for Christ. Pray that he or she will have the spiritual eyes to see that great, sweet, affection of the Father for His children.
  2. Family – You can learn so much about a person by their family. Pray that any familial wounds will be healed. Pray for the provision, health, safety, and discipleship of your future spouse’s family, and for the relationship between parents and children.
  3. Friends – Pray for the friends of your future spouse. Pray that he or she will be surrounded by godly friends who sharpen as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). Pray that these friends will provide the accountability and standard of godly relationships that your future spouse needs.
  4. Finances – Pray for the way your future spouse handles money! Pray that he or she will be enlightened to see the snare of debt—and run! Pray that your future spouse rightly makes his or her money work for the Kingdom of Heaven, rather than being enslaved by the love of it.
  5. Future—Pray for your future spouse’s future. After all, you’re in it! Pray that God releases every promise He has made to your future spouse. Stand on the promises of God for this man or woman and declare that the enemy is powerless over your future spouse. Pray that God will order your future spouse’s footsteps. Pray that he or she will not grow weary in well-doing (Gal. 6:9), and for the day your paths merge.

One day, the mystery will be unveiled, and you will see the beauty that God has wrapped up as a precious gift to present to you!
 
M&Y is hosting an Online Singles Conference next month! If you are interested in registering or learning more about it, you can check out our website here: The Online Singles Conference

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

How to Find and Date the Perfect Gentleman

Let’s face it, we all want to date the perfect gentleman! Most women would love a man who answers her calls, lifts her up when she’s down, recognizes her worth, pushes her towards her dreams and goals, and opens doors for her.
Often times, we as women settle for less then God’s best; some out of loneliness, some out of desperation and others out of a lack of understanding as to how they deserve to be treated! Me, I was the girl who simply didn’t understand just how much I was worth. But that’s the thing about dating a gentleman; he’ll never allow you to forget just how special you are.
I remember deciding I was tired of being mistreated by guys who spoke down on me, called me out of my name, and was just down right disrespectful. I remember sitting on my dorm room floor crying out to God regarding my feelings of hurt. It’s almost as if he said, “Well, date me”.
Now I’ve always thought people who “dated” Jesus were just weird and lonely (lbs). But it was after failed relationships with man, that I decided to make room for the ULTIMATE gentleman. So where did I find this gentleman? I found him in my quiet time, hidden in my word (the Bible)!
The more time I spent with Jesus, the more time he spent with me, the more I became acquainted with his voice, the more he shared his thoughts regarding me, the more he affirmed who I was created to be and the more doors he opened for me, among other things.
Though I once thought it was weird to “date” Jesus, it was in dating him that I realized what I really wanted and what I deserved in a man. I realized that a “thug” didn’t have the capacity to love the woman of God, God created me to be. I learned that a man who doesn’t have God’s own heart could never treat me as Jesus did! It was in dating Jesus that I realized EXACTLY what I deserved and wanted!
So you want to date a perfect gentleman, huh? Start with dating THEE perfect gentleman. When you get to know him, it’ll be easier to recognize his heartbeat in the heartbeat of others. It’ll be easier to turn away from those who don’t display his characteristics. Finally, it’ll be easier to be found by the one who will love you and treat you as Jesus did!
Much to my surprise, dating Jesus isn’t for the lonely and weird, it’s for the wise!
Be encouraged!
Shannon C Colar