Tag: soultie

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Physical Intimacy Single Spiritual Intimacy

The Day I Reached My Breaking Point

Written By: Jessica Dent
 
At some point or another, we all reach a breaking point where we’re forced to come to the end of ourselves. When we do come to our own end, there should be something there waiting for us, offering us another option, another way out from our former lives. If at the end of yourself, you find nothing there to usher you into something new, uncomfortable, and challenging then you will likely go back to what kept you comfortable. You would be going back into your cycle. When will it end? When will you finally want more for yourself and not keep yourself comfortable on the cushion of mediocrity? When will you realize that what shaped you in your beginning does not have to be your ending (Ecclesiastes 7:8)? The cycle that your parents groomed you in doesn’t have to be the same for you, your children, or your future spouse (2 Corinthians 5:17).
 
Since I was 15 years old, fending for myself was my way of life. If no one did it for me, then I had to do it for myself. If I needed money, I worked for it–legally of course. If my brother and I needed food, I bought it.  If the lights needed to stay on, then I took care of the bill. I was a working teenager in high school trying to maintain a household for my brother, my drug-addicted mother, and myself. I grew up with the hustle mindset which would later lead me to the worship of self and ultimately develop the spirit of pride. Sure, I believed that God existed, but seeing Him as my Father, let alone my provider? I didn’t quite know Him back then but instead, I knew of Him. I was extremely prideful and I was nothing short of an orphan, literally and spiritually, and filled to the brim with insecurities. But when you’re surviving, you’re too busy to notice that you’re bleeding along the way.
 
I was a foster child and was later adopted. My birth mother was also an addict and I never knew my father. Yes, just in case you’re asking me, both my birth and adopted mothers struggled with drug addiction abuse. Along the way though, I thought I did pretty good “keeping it all together”, and then relationships happened and my mess showed. I dove into those relationships head first and with no sobriety and you can pretty much go down the checklist to see why. I was looking for love in all the wrong places and I really mean in all the wrong people– not just romantic but in friendships and parental relationships. Nothing seemed to fit the way I desired it to, which explains why when I gave my life 100% over to Christ, the relationships that I tried to force were stripped away.
 
My lack of identity helped to cultivate my pattern of toxic relationships. During that time, I was in pursuit of the greatest love that I would ever know, but learned that nothing would compare to it once I experienced it. God was the first love that I didn’t have to fall for. All that time I was in pursuit of God but didn’t know it. Therefore, my thirst led me to the wrong things, the wrong relationships, and I kept them all past their expiration dates. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties when I realized that I was coming to the end of myself. That was when I realized that I was bleeding and in need of medical attention. The cycles that I found myself in were later introduced to The Breaker–Jesus. My future couldn’t look like what my past was. Enough was enough and I had to be broken. However, not by the hands of another, but gracefully this time by the hands of God.  If any of this speaks to you then I urge you to BREAK THE CYCLE, starting NOW! I wholeheartedly believe in what the 4-day Break the Cycle Challenge is all about and if you want to get free from the past for a healthy future and marriage, then you honestly don’t want to miss out. Your future does not have to look like your past (Philippians 3:13). Are you ready to come to the end of yourself now? Sign up HERE !

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Physical Intimacy Single Spiritual Intimacy

You Need More Jesus, Not More Sex.

Written by: Richelle Henry
I remember staring at the shadow of his figure moving from the bed and out of the bedroom door.  All I could do was lay there and wonder, “how did I get I here?”  How in the world did my good ol’ Christian self, end up in this man’s bed?  I should have gone home! I should have told him no! I should have left when he told me to! But…I stayed. I stayed out of brokenness. I stayed out of loneliness. I stayed out of desperation. I just wanted to be held. I wanted to feel important. I wanted to feel wanted.
I can remember this day and many others like it, like they all occurred yesterday. The feelings of pseudo-comfort, shame, disgust, disappointment, and guilt are what I recall the most. It seems that the soul screams the loudest in those, “You KNEW better” scenarios. I mean, I’ve heard of boundaries. I’ve been saved all of my life. I remember the strict “courtship” rules of no phone calls after 9pm and even going on group dates. But, that advice didn’t work for me. I still made the decision to act upon a desire that left me feeling unredeemable and ultimately separated from God.
You’re probably asking yourself as I did in the moments stated above–Where do I go from here? Do I mourn and grieve over the fact that I knew better and still chose to disobey? I knew the scripture that said I should flee from sexual immorality (See 1 Corinthians 6:18)—but my wounded heart had me making strides towards it instead. Do I run back and keep engaging in the act because, “hey, I already fell? I already have to repent.” Or do I get out of this bed, go before the Lord and be as totally transparent as possible in total confidence that He will hear me and answer?
I suggest that you choose the latter of all these options.
I know that you’re probably feeling really disappointed in yourself. The last time was supposed to be the last time—right? I hear you and can feel the shame that you’re probably carrying. But let me encourage you with this—the Father loves you and longs to restore you. When you think of the word restoration, what comes to mind? Repairing? Making whole? Well, the word “restore” means to bring something back to its original condition due to its current condition being either disfigured, used, or altered. Don’t you know that the Lord can bring you back to the version He intended on you becoming—before you fell. But you must be open and completely transparent with Him throughout the process. You’re probably asking, “what is there to be honest about? He’s God. He should know!” Yes, you’re correct. However—the transparency isn’t for God—it’s for you. It’s for you to become aware of the roots, reasons, and decisions along the way that may have caused you to fall. Transparency heightens your awareness so that you can better assess your heart and the manner in which it responds to crisis, traumas, setbacks, and even temptations.
Let’s start here. Why did you fall? What caused you to make the decision to engage in another one-night stand, “friend with benefits,” or engage in another “we’ll repent about this later..” moment?  Your reasons are bigger than just wanting to feel good. While that may be some of the reason, remember that even pleasure has a motive. I repeat—pleasure ALWAYS has a motive.  Find out what may have triggered you. What were you thinking of when you made the decision? Was it a bad day? A moment where thoughts of low self-esteem were clouding your mind? Were you wanting to feel valued or appreciated? Struggling with issues of rejection? Feeling unwanted? Loneliness? Regardless of what your reason was, remember that in these moments, it was your soul crying out for Christ, not just your body longing to be touched.
You see, when we talk about sexual sin—it’s so much bigger than a moment—it’s a decision. It’s a decision that places sexual pleasure and the like on a pedestal of “better,” over Christ’s ability to truly fulfill. Christ and Christ alone satisfies (See Psalm 62:1). He’s the only one that can come and drown loneliness, rejection, abandonment, insecurity, low self-esteem, hurt, or sadness with the currents of His love. When we make the decision to tread in the waters of sexual sin—we run the risk of drowning in that which we are meant to rise above—the snares and traps of sin. But with Christ and in Christ, you are well-equipped to deal with sexual sin—because He’s already overcome it (See 1 Corinthians 15:56-57)
Choose today to hit ignore, cancel that standing appointment on Friday night, and make a new decision. Make the decision to be completely open before the Lord and ask Him to fill you. Go to Him in confidence that He will cleanse you (See Psalm 51:2), empower you to resist temptation (See 1 Corinthians 10:13), and will ultimately fill and satisfy the voids within you (See Psalm 107:9).
“Come back to me, you wayward people. I want to cure your waywardness. Say, ‘Here we are. We come to you because you are the LORD our God.”- Jeremiah 3:22
His embrace and love alone can fill those longings—not another. Run to Him, instead.
 
LISTEN! Don’t forget to Join me and thousands of others on Married & Young’s FREE 4-day “Break The Cycle” challenge starting on Monday, February 5. We are breaking the patterns OFF our lives NOW, so we don’t repeat them later. Click HERE to sign up!

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Single and Suffering: How One Woman's Physical Battles While Single Changed Her Life

 In our season of singleness God can do a deep work in us, if we allow Him to. Rachel Deitrick is an accountability coach at Married and Young. Prior to this, Rachel experienced the trial of her life when she developed an autoimmune disease. Rachel’s body would trigger false allergic reactions whenever she ate food. After losing an immense amount of weight and feeling that things were never going to change, Rachel contemplated suicide. However, this illness allowed Rachel to strengthen her relationship with God, gain a passion for a writing and become a source of encouragement for those desiring Godly relationships !

Habiba Abudu (HA) : What was life like prior to your stomach illness ?

Rachel Deitrick (RD) : It was Spring 2013 and I just transferred to Arizona State University to pursue a Bachelor’s Degree in Family and Human Development. I was working full time and dating my boyfriend of seven years.

HA : When did you start to notice that you had health issues ?

RD : One day I had a severe allergic reaction to food that I’ve eaten. My allergic reaction offset the pH balance in my stomach which caused me to have acid reflux. The acid reflux became severe over time and caused ear infections. Ear problems can happen if the stomach is not producing the right amount of acid. The reflux was addressed with over the counter medications and the ear infections were addressed with antibiotics. The combination of over the counter medications with prescription antibiotics was too much for my body to handle at once. This resulted in my digestive system being destroyed.

HA : How did your illness affect your life ?

RD : My body could not properly digest food. This was because my stomach and intestinal lining was eaten away from acid reflux, medications and antibiotics. Starving myself was not an option, so I tried to eat small amounts of food. My body began to think that food was a threat. I developed an autoimmune disease known as leaky gut and my body would attack itself every time I ate or drank anything. I would get a false allergic reaction to any food that I consumed. My throat would feel as though it was closing up whenever I put food in my mouth. The feeling of my throat closing up was terrifying. I didn’t understand what was happening and doctors didn’t either. I began to lose weight and developed an eating disorder. I was terrified of food. My doctors told me I was crazy and that I needed counseling. I became extremely depressed due to being sick, frustrated, and scared. Due to my illness, my body was completely deprived of the nutrition it needed in order to function properly.

HA : Can you discuss your period of depression and not wanting to live anymore ?

RD : My body was slowly shutting down and I did not want to live. I broke up with my boyfriend because I was so depressed. I also quit working and going to college. There were countless days where I laid in bed with no desire to get up. I was completely hopeless and thought my health would never improve. Since, I lost so much weight and looked anorexic, I began to struggle with a negative body image. I wanted to end my life.

 

HA : You started to write. What prompted you to write ?

RD : My depression. I was going crazy with all of these negative thoughts I had about myself and life in general. Writing became my therapy. Eventually, I started writing ideas for blog entries and planned to start my own blog.

Once I had experienced major improvements in my health, I was unexpectedly given the opportunity to write for a magazine. The blog entries that I had been working on turned into magazine articles. I began writing for Stellar Day Magazine in January 2016. My articles have been opportunities for me to share what God has been doing in my life. I am currently writing my first book that helps singles position themselves to be found.

HA : How were you able to make a comeback from your illness ? Did you make any changes to your lifestyle ?

RD :  I asked God for His help. After my sickness, I had an epiphany. My sickness, although unbearable, was an invitation from God. Through my trial, He was inviting me to fix my gaze upon Him, to not be afraid, and to trust Him with every ounce of my being.

It was amazing how God revealed to me what exactly was wrong with my body when doctors couldn’t. For example, baseball player Kameron Loe helped me. I met Kameron through my step brother. Kameron allowed me to use his machine that cost thousands of dollars. The machine used electromagnetic waves that removed heavy metals and toxins. I did a couple of treatments with Kameron’s machine.

My healing took time because my body had to rebuild its digestive system. I made changes in my diet. I now eat a diet that follows Paleo and Whole30 food options. I also began to use supplements such as probiotics, digestive enzymes, and essential oils.

HA : Finally, what advice would you give to those going through a difficult situation ?

RD : Never give up, even on your worst days. Ask God to help you through your situation. Before I made the decision to take my life, I decided to cry out to God one last time. God had to let me experience the pain so that my faith and dependence on Him would be strengthened. Through my depression, I developed my passion of writing. If you are experiencing a difficult situation, what if that difficulty has been sent to you as an invitation to trust the One that can help you through it ?

 
 

What work is God doing in your season of singleness ?

 
 

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Home Single

5 Things You Need More Than a Husband

I know, it’s the season where everyone is getting engaged and married, so now you’re down in the dumps because you’re still single. Girl please.. say goodbye to the misery because what you need more than a husband are these FIVE things:
 1. Girlfriends. You need a solid group of friends that you can laugh with, you can cry with, you can pray with and you can travel with. When you’re busy making memories, the fact that you aren’t married will become less of a focus for you.
 2. Purpose. What are you passionate about? Make that your focus. Don’t know what you’re passionate about? Try some new things- a bunch of new things, until you discover something that you’re crazy about. Purpose is what gives your life meaning, not marriage.
 3. Self-Worth. Listen to me, if you don’t have self-worth, you’ll be single for the rest of your life….. well maybe that was a stretch, you may not be single, but you’ll definitely be miserable. When you know your self-worth, you teach other people how to value you and how to treat you. When you lack self-worth, you basically are giving others permission to minimize your value. Sis, God said in Proverbs 3:15, that you’re more precious than rubies. Does that sound like a woman who lacks self-worth?
 4. A relationship with Christ. Need I say more? Well if I must, I’ll say this- God should be at the center of all we do. He is our foundation. You can choose to build on a solid foundation- God – or you can choose to build on a shaky foundation. It’s up to you. But I’m choosing the solid foundation for ever, Alex!
 5. Self-Love. What do you look like trying to have someone else fill up your love tank when you can’t even do it for yourself?  That’s so 2008. The late, great Whitney Houston said it best, “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all….” When you love yourself, you’ll never have to worry another day about feeling unloved and anybody that comes into your life, ready to love you, is just the toppings on top of an already good sundae.
Need more tips like this, find me on Instagram using the hashtag #AskKay

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Dating/Courting Marriage Single

I Called My Wedding Off: 4 Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine If He's the One-Part 2

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Welcome to Part II of “Is He The One? 4 Questions To Ask Yourself”. If you missed Part I, read it here
3. Will he wait for you?
 
Ephesians 5:27, “He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. Sisters, lemme just tell ya! Closing your legs will weed ’em out faster than a cat can lick its rear end! #peaceout A man who’s willing to deny his flesh to honor you and God, is a very special man. True love, as found in John 3:16, is sacrificial. It requires giving something up. Sacrificing the pleasure of his flesh, may be an indication he desires a future beyond the bed with you. More importantly, he may just be a man like King David, after God’s heart.
 
 4. Is God orchestrating the relationship or are you?
 
I tried to “help” God in past relationships. For example, I shacked with a man for 3 years! God wasn’t moving fast enough! I took matters into my own hands and allowed him to move in with me. I believed it was the only option if we were to ever be together. Seven years later, I was living in Colorado. Chris lived in Alabama. How in the world was this going to work? We were 1394 miles (20 hours) apart! I vowed to God I would stay out of it! If Chris was to be my husband, He would open all the doors for us. Oftentimes, we don’t see God moving in our lives because we’re too busy making things happen ourselves.
A month after Chris and I met, we hopped on a plane to St. Louis and ate lunch at Sweetie Pie’s. On our way back home, the same day, there had been some delays at the airport. As a result, the airline was seeking volunteers to give up their seats. Needless to say, we volunteered. Long story short, both of us received a $1000 voucher. Interestingly enough, I was heading back to Colorado in a few days. Neither of us knew what was next. When would we see each other again? Our gracious Father opened the door for us to see each other, on Him!! We flew to a different city every month until we were married. Chris spent the last of his voucher when he flew to Denver to drive me back to Alabama to be his wife. Ladies, ladies, ladies… If it’s meant to be, it’ll flow. You won’t be required to chase him. In fact, you won’t have to do anything. God will send him to chase you!!
I’m not a relationship counselor, nor do I profess to be. I’m simply sharing from my own experiences, praying that it blesses you. That it encourages and inspires you to date God’s way. It’s worth the wait.

Tiffany Phillips is a southern girl, residing in Sweet Home Alabama. She’s a Christian, wife (married to the most amazing man, Chris), health and fitness enthusiast, and blogger who is eager to share what God has placed on her heart. Visit Tiffany over at her blog teawithtiffanyp.com
Why Tea With Tiffany P? Because she’s spilling all the tea! 

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Wait, a Relationship? Oh No, I’m Not Ready

Young black woman in trendy blue headscarf and glasses with long braided hair

There are so many articles, blogs, and advice for all those willing and ready to get into a relationship. But what about those who just aren’t ready for a relationship? Well, this blog post is just for YOU!
I’m going to challenge you a little bit and ask why you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. Take some time and think about the questions below…

  • Is it simply that I don’t desire a relationship and I want to be a eunuch?
  • Is it simply that I believe I will never get married because there’s no one out there for me?
  • Is it simply that I hope I’m never given the opportunity to be in a relationship?

More than likely, you answered no to those questions. If you answered yes, you can still read the rest of this blog post…
I’ve noticed that when people say they’re not ready for a relationship, they usually desire a relationship but other factors cause them to “not be ready.” Now, sometimes it’s just not your season to date, and if you feel you’re not ready, it’s probably not your season. However, as you walk through this season, I want to open your eyes to a few factors that could be hindering your progress towards a season of being ready to date.

  1. Fear – This is one of the biggest reasons why people stay away from relationships. However, the only way to conquer fear is by intentionally doing the thing of which you are most afraid. Of course, make sure you are in a healthy place before being open to a relationship but also don’t allow fear to box you in.
  2. Insecurities – No one wants these but we all have them. Take some time while you are single to build your confidence and your self-esteem. This will help you choose a significant other soberly and attract the right person.
  3. Unhealed Broken Heart – Definitely one of the most painful life occurrences to walk through. However, you must allow your past to remain in your past. If you had a break up that ended badly and that is still controlling your present… you need more healing! Never allow your past to stir your future; close the door and keep moving!
  4. Father Wounds – The greatest investment a father can make for his children is being just that – a father (a real one). If you suffer from father wounds, definitely take time to walk through deliverance, but also learn to know God as Father. Center your devotion around this subject and allow God to work on your heart. This is one wound that can cause a lot of damage to relationships, so be intentional about healing it.
  5. Trust Issues – These are real and will keep you guarded and distant from people. However, I’m here to tell you that you’re not perfect… and neither is the person with whom you decide to enter a relationship. Red flags are real and you should heed them but you can’t build lasting relationships without trust. Look at yourself and recognize your own flaws; this will help you grant more mercy and grace to the one with whom you eventually enter into relationship.

Out of the five of these, which is your current struggle? Don’t be afraid to share; we all have our issues!
 

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Girl, You're Still Single?

Sorry to come out and ask like that but this is a serious issue and I need us to come to an understanding that you may be the reason you’re still single.
Why?
1. Because your attitude stinks. I’m going to go ahead and get that one out the way. You’re always complaining or being negative. You’re very disrespectful and demeaning. I mean come on ladies, you can’t expect anyone to want to be around you when you’re constantly putting off bad vibes. Don’t we have enough bad vibes going around already? So, get rid of the stank attitude, it’s played out.
2. Because you’re too picky. He has to be 6’5, look good in grey sweatpants, wear a size 9 shoe, have muscles, facial hair, a house, good credit, a car, no kids, and be CEO of a company. I mean if you can get all that in one package, amen sister, but that is highly unlikely. Now I’m not saying to just be out here with no list but you can’t keep turning down men that aren’t everything on your list because nine times out of ten, THAT MAN DOESN’T EXIST. And let me just keep it all the way real with you, stop being so picky especially when you don’t even possess the qualities you’re looking for.
3. Because you’re using sex as an attraction method. Ever heard the phrase why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk for free? Well, that’s exactly what you’re doing, so why does he need to commit? If he’s getting everything he wants from you right now, what exactly is he working toward? Oh and let me let you in on a little secret, sex does not equate to relationship. So stop sleeping with every man you come into contact with, choose to wait for the one who wants to marry you. I guarantee when you take sex off the table, it will wean out those not worth your time.
4. Because you’re still caught up on your ex. When men approach you, all you can talk about is how old bae did this and how old bae did that. No man wants to hear about old bae, when he trying to become new bae. Stop blocking all his shots. My advice to you is to just say you’re not open to dating right now. Take time to really get over your last relationship before putting yourself out there for a new one.
5. Because no one knows you’re single. You post all these love songs and quotes all over your social media as if you’re hinting to a relationship. Stop sending mix signals. Or when you’re out and about, you turn down every guy that approaches you. Are you single or nah? I’m not saying you have to send up a red flare or anything but if you want to be in a relationship, then people need to know you’re single. So stop acting like you’re taken.
It’s tough to realize that the reason or reasons you may be single are because of you, but in a world where we want to blame everyone else, maybe  it’s time to start looking inward.
 

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4 Ways to Stay Pure As a Single Person

Relax and dreaming. Outdoor portrait of thoughtful young african man sitting near the sea.

In this world, it’s hard to stay pure, especially as a single ! Read the tips below in order to thrive in your season of singleness !
1. Be In the Word
It’s important to mediate on the Word, day and night (Joshua 1:8).  Psalm 119:9 (MEV) states, “How shall a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word.” The Word tests our hearts, motives and desires (Hebrews 4:12). It renews our minds (Romans 12:2). Regularly reading the Word, strengthens our relationship with the Lord. The Word molds your desires into God’s (Ezekiel 36:26).
2. Keep an Active Prayer Life
Having an active prayer life will unleash God’s will for your life. God says you have not because you ask not (James 4:2) , but be careful not to ask from a selfish heart (James 4:3). If you are struggling in a certain area of purity, talking to God will give you the strength and guidance to move forward. Living a life of regular repentance will help you hear God’s voice. Also, take the time to listen to the Spirit and see where the Spirit is guiding you (Psalm 27:14).
3. Have an Accountability Partner/Group
Get involved with a men or women’s fellowship group. Surround yourself with people who will sharpen you (Proverbs 27:17) . You can create a WhatsApp group with like – minded individuals that you can talk to throughout the day. Find a mentor who will regularly check in on your spiritual status as well as one that you can trust with your struggles (Proverbs 15:22).
4. Flee From Youthful Lusts
Don’t indulge in shows, movies, books or music that will trigger feelings of lust or loneliness. Avoid shows that depict adulterous relationships or premarital sex. For example, if pornographic images appear on my webpage, I quickly exit the web page and immediately block any spam porn accounts. In high school, I used to watch teenage dramas, a lot of them were filled with scenes depicting premarital sex. Unsurprisingly, I started to experience lustful thoughts. R & B songs are nice, but if you notice that you start yearning and coveting for that “real love,” take a break. On the contrary, focus on media that edifies your spirit. Additionally, if you find yourself on social media envying others or feeling inadequate because you see that “everyone” is in relationships, with a house, baby and dream wedding photos  – take a break! Guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23).
Look at King David. Despite slaying giants and armies in his youth, King David fell because he stared at Bathsheba ( 2 Samuel 11). David should have looked away but he chose to watch Bathsheba bathe. It led to a downhill cycle of adultery, a child born out of wedlock and murder. Don’t think you are more righteous than David. Remember, that we have to pursue holiness (Hebrews 12:14).
Conclusion
All in all, these tips were created to avoid unnecessary strife in your singleness. This won’t guarantee a bliss free season of singleness. The devil will do everything he can  to make you feel sorry for yourself ! I  can testify to struggling with loneliness at times. I am not perfect, and often succumb to my own weaknesses. However, God rejoices in our weaknesses because when we are weak, He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). Your season of singleness is a special time. This is the time you can reach the lost like never before, strengthen your relationship with God, pursue your dreams and heal from past wounds. Be blessed and stay strong in the Lord !
Other Scripture References/Resources : John 10:10,  Psalm 37:4,  1 Corinthians 7:34 , Matthew 18:9
The Heather Lindsey Show discusses the effects of secular music/media on the mind

Categories
Communication Dating/Courting Single

He's Just Not That Into You

by Kay King 
We’ve all been there, you finally find someone and then POOF! something changes.
You’re calling, texting and stalking his social media pages and all you get are half way replies. He barely calls you back and he’s stopped responding to you altogether on social media. You start doing drive byes just to see if he’s home. You call up your girl and she says those dreadful words that no girl wants to hear, He’s Just Not That Into You. 

You’re left wondering, why not. All of a sudden those 6 little words cause your emotions to erupt and you suddenly turn into Angela Basset from Waiting to Exhale in her famous scene no one can forget.

So what is it? Why is it that, as single women, we keep choosing the wrong guys? Is it because we desire the one so bad that we ignore the signs?

During my last “He’s not that Into You Moment” I stopped crying long enough to analyze the situation. Here’s what I noticed:

  1. Communication!You go from talking daily: by phone, by text, sending each other cute messages on social media to a few texts per day, a couple phone calls per week and social media basically becomes non-existent. I didn’t see it then but all the “I’m sleepy”, “I’m busy”, “Oh, I didn’t hear my phone” was actually his way of saying “I’ve moved on”. These type of guys usually try to avoid contact with you so that they don’t have to have that dreadful conversation.

 

  1. Commitment!Now you would think it would be easy to spot the ones with commitment issues, but oh no, for some reason we think we will be the exception. I can remember this one guy I would talk to and he would always tell me that he wanted to get married… eventually. Whenever I would talk about commitment and being in a relationship, he would always bring up his past relationships and how they went wrong and now he’s taking his time. Key word: I’m unavailable, however as women we see that as a green light to continue to pursue. Listen ladies, if it’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that men know exactly what they want and when they want it. So no matter how many cookies you bake, or how many times you have sleeps overs, you won’t change him. Move on!

 

  1. Friend Zone!Now Ladies, I know this is what we usually do to men when we aren’t interested, but did you know they do the same thing to us? I know, how dare they! These type of guys always look at you as one of the guys. You talk on the phone,  you hang out but he never really fixes himself up and he asks you for advice about other girls he’s interested in. He flirts with other girls in your presence and overly uses the word friend with you. Do not fall for him! He’s not interested in you in that way. He thinks you’re a great friend, he appreciates your honesty and your willingness to be the wing man but he does not look at you as anything more. Don’t get caught up because when you’re falling for this type of man, you neglect to see the men who are really trying to pursue you.

Biggest RED flag: He doesn’t ask you out and he doesn’t take an interest in you or anything you do.

Ladies, you don’t want a man that’s not into you, not when God has created someone just for you. Falling for these types of guys will only delay your happiness.

For more blogs like this, subscribe to “SingleWomansDiary” on WordPress. Also follow me on Periscope @KayKing for live discussions.

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10 Signs You Have a Soul Tie and How to Break Them

There are many different kinds of soul ties some healthy and others unhealthy. For the sake of this article, I will be concentrating on the unhealthy soul ties that are formed in romantic relationships before marriage. Humans are what we call “triune beings”, they are made of soul, spirit, and body. Our souls are the seat of our will, emotions, and intellect. Before marriage,our souls should be connected to  the spirit of God as people who are believers. That means our will , emotions and intellect should be guided by the spirit of God. After marriage, our soul should be connected to our mate and the Holy Spirit. God initially designed a soul tie within marriage so that couples could walk as one. However, if a person becomes emotionally and sexually entangled with someone before marriage, they create a soul tie that is unhealthy.
Here are some clues you have a soul tie:

  1. Your mood shifts based on their presence or absence.
  2. They are constantly on your mind.
  3. You have difficulty making decisions without that person’s input or approval.
  4. You always consider the person’s reaction or thoughts when you are making decisions.
  5. You stalk them on social media
  6. You cannot stop seeing them or having sex with them
  7. You stay with them even if the relationship is unhealthy
  8. You stay with them despite family and friend’s protest
  9. You think about them sexually even after you are married to someone else
  10. You are willing to do ANYTHING to make the relationship work.

Here are some spiritual steps to take in order to start the process of breaking a soul tie:  

  1. Acknowledge you have a soul tie
  2. Confess it to the Lord
  3. Renounce the relationship with that person
  4. Come out of agreement with anything you did with that person
  5. Make a declaration to walk forward with God.
  6. Get deliverance prayer if needed.

In addition to these spiritual steps, you will need to do practical things like get rid of their number, move, or change your number, etc.