Growing up, all of us encounter difficulties and disadvantages that shape our development as individuals. Most of the time, we never give any real thought to these circumstances. Instead, we accept these situations as the norm, carrying years of baggage from one developmental stage in life to another until we reach adulthood. Often, we don’t realize the problem of dragging this baggage along throughout our life until after we’ve gotten married. At that point, both husband and wife are either: A) trying to unpack years of baggage while also trying to build a solid foundation for a marriage, or B) Trying to build a solid foundation for your marriage on top of the baggage that exists. Neither option is a recipe for marital bliss. For this reason, all of us must be very intentional about confronting the child that lives within us.
Bringing childhood baggage into my own marriage caused utter chaos in the beginning. Both my beautiful wife and I grew up in very unhealthy environments. Extreme verbal abuse was rampant in my home, and in order to cope as a young child, I built in laughter as an automatic response to conflict. The first time my wife attempted to make herself vulnerable and shared the issues of her heart with me, the outcome of that situation was less than positive to say the least. I burst into laughter. She felt as though I was actively belittling her and mocking her feelings because of her childhood hurts and pains, but in reality, I was simply trying to process what she was saying while maintaining control of my emotions. This was an inappropriate and unacceptable response from me. Until both my wife and I began to intentionally attack the origins of those negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions, we would continually bump heads unnecessarily.
In 1 Corinthians 13:11, Paul said, “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. BUT when I grew up, I put away childish things.” As a single person, “unpacking your baggage” and putting away childish things are two of the greatest things you can do to prepare yourself for this journey called marriage. No matter what habits and tendencies you’ve accumulated as a result of your childhood circumstances, there’s no greater time than when you’re single to stand face to face with your inner child! You must look jealousy, insecurity, anger, resentment, irresponsibility, selfishness, or any other negative tendency directly in the face, and begin to deal with those emotions appropriately so that you don’t hinder your future marriage.
It won’t be an easy fight. It will take a ton of prayer and reading God’s word to discover God’s truths concerning marriage and gain the strength needed to win this battle. Prayer and spending time in the word of God can help you combat all of the negative responses you have built up to cope with life’s negative experiences. If you put in the work now, your future spouse will thank you down the road. If you’re already married like myself, but you never took the time time to confront your inner child, don’t fret my friend, it’s never too late to do this. You owe it to yourself, your spouse, and you’re children to confront those behaviors that hold you back from truly becoming the best man/woman, husband/wife, father/mother, and child of God possible. Since my wife and I began that process a couple of years ago, I can honestly say our communication has never been better, and we’re headed to even greater heights than we’ve ever dreamed in our marriage! So, what are you waiting for? There’s no time like the present to confront your inner child, once and for all!
