Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Burden or Benefit: Is it Worth my Time?

This is the beginning of the New Year and it is usual for people to start up their dream boards and yearly goals. While brainstorming on the direction that I wanted my life to take this year, I began to get overwhelmed with the amount of things that I had already committed myself to. I stopped and asked myself one of the most important questions that I have ever evaluated… “Am I wasting my time? And if not, is all that I am involved in a burden or benefit?”
Life has a way of demanding so much of our time, and if we are not careful we easily find ourselves struggling to keep up with an overwhelming load. Whether it was pressure or voluntarily, we love the idea of being busy, but struggle with the reality of expounding the effort. Some may delegate the blame to some false reality that they “HAD” to do it, when the truth is that we all have CHOICE. I was always taught that most often, “People are exactly where they want to be.”
Time is one of the most precious assets that every human being has. It is the one and only things that can’t be compounded, saved, reinvested, or given more of. The simplest example of this is the local hair dresser who charges $15 for a haircut and another that charge $25. The difference of the two is the one that values their time, and perhaps have even spent more time sharpening their craft. Both in this example most likely have a different perspective on how much they think their time is worth, and how well they will manage the time they have. Once we begin to put more value on our time, we LITERALLY begin to reevaluate the things that we give our time away to!
Looking at your life at this very moment, ask yourself, “Has my time been invested in things that burden or benefit my life?” Think of your job, business, ministry, nonprofits, etc and be honest with yourself about the time that you’re spending in any of them and evaluate what it is doing to cultivate your life. James 4:14 reads, “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” Embracing this scripture, we see that time is the MOST valuable thing that we have. You can’t get it back or save it up…So make it worthwhile!!!

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Dating/Courting Single

Singles: Have You Prayed This Prayer Before?

Quick question….
Have you ever prayed this prayer before?
God, can you send my future spouse? 
In no way am I judging you for praying this prayer because you better believe I prayed this SAME EXACT prayer when I was single. It was then that God told me to stop asking Him for my spouse, and He told me to pray another prayer…..
Lord, PREPARE ME for my future spouse. 

This prayer CHANGED the game for me in every way possible because it took me on a serious journey of LEARNING ME.
And, I can tell you now I wasn’t ready to be honest with how unprepared I really was for marriage.
I stopped playing games with my single season, got rid of all the BAGGAGE (soul ties), and started to focus on me.
I met Natasha (my beautiful and amazing wife) soon after, and our marriage is AMAZING because of the season I spent intentionally preparing myself for marriage.
It is for this reason we created The Online Single’s Conference.
To help singles stop agonizing over their single season and transform into a season of preparation for their future marriage.
Not only will you have us (The Miller’s) to learn from but also, Cornelius & Heather Lindsey, Lamar and Ronnie Tyler, Drs. Matthew & Kamilah Stevenson and 15 other World Class speakers.
Click Here to Register Now!
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The Early Bird rate CLOSES Sunday at midnight and you will MISS OUT on over $150 in bonuses if you fail to register by the deadline. 
Don’t procrastinate with this one.
Invest into your future marriage now.
Click here to register before its to late. 

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

The Power of a Heartbreak

Guest Writer: Daphney Marc
Far too often are we fed with the misconception that true happiness among other things isn’t fulfilled unless we’ve found true love. Of course being in a relationship, and ultimately getting married is great, and what a blessing it can be, but little do we acknowledge the enlightenment that can happen after having experienced heartbreak; like discovering the person you thought you’d spend your life with cannot meet your expectations, or that they are not the person you thought they were, or giving your all and it still not being enough. Whatever the case may be, what comes after can be quite profound.
I believe that not many people are equipped with the knowledge of the qualities a good partner should have or what a healthy relationship should comprise of, or maybe we do, but we then settle for the sake of not wanting to be alone. As Dr. Dobson (Christian author and psychologist) says “A bad marriage is far worse than the lonely instance of singleness.”
I was single for quite a while before I got into my first serious relationship. I was okay with being single because I never came across anyone who made me want otherwise. I guess being single especially for a certain length of time gives you the kind of comfort and insight that makes it pretty difficult for just anyone to come along. Before delving into that relationship I knew it wasn’t quite right not because there was anything immediately off about him, but something told me “hmmmm I don’t know” but I was also getting older, and still single, so I thought why not give it a try and see where it goes.
Needless to say, I fell deep into that relationship even after having that hesitation from the beginning. And in the midst of it I was so consumed with making it work that the activities I initially cared for took the back seat. It distracted me from the things that really needed my attention. I got so focused on that relationship that I convinced myself of the possibilities of it flourishing into something long lasting, my happily ever after, but deep down I knew it wasn’t the case. We were perfect on the surface but in all actuality we were two individuals with completely different ideologies, full of insecurities that we would only partially admit to one another. We went along with two separate agendas, concealing what we truly felt on the inside, as if demonstrating a filtered version of ourselves was the only way we can truly be loved by the other, and that if we kept it up long enough we could convince each other that it was real, and that we couldn’t possibly do better. Of course it wasn’t going to work, a relationship seriously lacking in maturity “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves” Romans 12: 9-10.
When I finally built the courage to leave, I discovered something tremendous about myself; I had a lot of growing to do spiritually, emotionally, and vocationally. And that the qualities I wanted in a partner were not what I needed. All along that was my intuition that was pulling me at the beginning, but I chose not to follow. Instead, I forced myself to believe that it was the only thing my life was missing, that “fulfillment” that only a relationship can bring no matter how unfit he was for me, “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” Song of Songs 2:7.
Heartbreak has the ability to do more than just feel like an open wound that can’t seem to heal quickly enough, but it forces you to take a hard look in the mirror asking yourself the tough questions. Making you focus on where to go next with your life, what matters, what doesn’t, what you will accept and what you will not. Singlehood is also a time to work on personal growth, developing into the person you want to become, and measuring up to the qualities and expectations you require out of a partner. And if you truly take the time to properly heal, you’ll learn from the previous failed relationships and hopefully be led to the person God intended for you. So contrary to popular belief, being single does not mean “lonely” if perceived the right way, but a journey of self- realization, and learning to feel whole, because when the right person comes along you should be able to complement each other rather than being one another’s completion.
Since having been on this journey I can honestly say I know now what I need in a partner, where I want to be in my career, and most importantly focusing on my relationship in Christ. A friend once said “If Godliness can’t be reached thereby focusing on God and letting your joy be in him, then you can’t truly give whole heartedly through mutual affection to another” there’s such truth in that statement, and one I live by. Your relationship with Christ has to be so heavily embedded to a point where you’re okay even if someone never comes along. If they do GREAT! But you’ve got someone that supersedes any earthly man; Jesus “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness (2 Peter 1:3).
 
Daphne Marc
Daphney Marc is from Orlando, a graduate of the University of Central Florida , and works in education. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Sociology and a Graduate Certificate in Public Administration. She has served at her local children’s church ministry and taught in grade schools for over 10 yrs. She also has experience working as a Therapeutic Mentor for young women, and is a lifestyle blogger for her own personal brand BEFAKEFREE which promotes the importance of living a life of authenticity. She enjoys music, exercising, cooking, spending time with family and friends, and most of all living for God’s Glory.

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Dating/Courting Single

3 Ways to Stop Making Marriage an Idol

Guest Writer: Taylor Banks
I remember the first time the Lord began speaking to me about my future spouse; it was through a dream. I woke up the next morning completely in shock. I seriously questioned if I saw and heard everything in the dream until the Lord began confirming the dream repeatedly in the year after. After the shock and some fear of what the Lord showed me began to wear off – I became extremely excited and OBSESSED. Like many girls and young women, I’ve dreamed about my future wedding, watched Say Yes to the Dress, Platinum weddings, My Fair Wedding etc. I always knew I wanted to get married but now that the Lord was talking to me about it – it felt more real. I could not stop thinking about who the person was, when they were going to come, how we would meet etc. It began to completely take over my thoughts.
One day I was studying Exodus 20 and the Lord completely wrecked me. I didn’t see my thoughts as an idol because marriage is god ordained. However, I realized that even things that are pleasing to God can be perverted by humanity if we put it above God. Once I realized what I had done, I quickly repented and became determined to change my thoughts. It was not easy but here are three things ways to stop making marriage an idol.

  1. Stop watching wedding shows. Ladies, I know how tempting it can be to want to watch all these wedding shows. I myself love all things weddings – the dress, the venue, flowers etc. I deliberately had to stop watching them because they triggered me thinking about what I would do with my own wedding. Those thoughts triggered me thinking constantly on who I would be marrying which led to thinking about what we do in ministry together. While these things are not bad in itself, they have its designated time to be considered and it’s not during the single season.
  2. Memorize scriptures. I came up with key scriptures to deflect my thoughts about weddings and marriage. When something triggered a thought, I began to quote the scripture in my head until the thought had subsided. Key scriptures that I used are: 1 John 5:21, Proverbs 4:23, Psalm 63:3-4, 2 Corinthians 10:5, Psalm 25:4-5, and Psalm 91:2. Meditating on these scriptures kept me focused on the main thing – Jesus!
  3. Pray and fast. Doing the first two steps without these would have been pointless. When you combine these two practices it helps to discipline you and bring the flesh under subjection. Without prayer and fasting you would be trying to overcome yourself with yourself. Prayer and fasting keeps you connected to the ultimate source of your strength, hope, and will – Jesus Christ.

If reading this has convicted to you, know that because Christ is living within you, you have the power to overcome any distracting and obsessive thought!
 
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www.taylormadem.com
Taylor Banks is a native of Long Island, New York where she lives with her parents and younger sister. In January of 2014 the Lord began giving her titles for blog posts. After believing she would only be contributing these writings to other websites, the Lord instructed her to start her own site. Taylor is committed to encouraging young women to live a life in TOTAL submission unto Christ. Her insight culminates from personal experience and through observing the lives of many around her. It is her prayer that this blog encourages readers to go after God with all their heart, mind, and soul.
Taylor is a licensed minister and an active member at Refuge Apostolic Church of Christ in Freeport, NY. She recently completed her Masters degree in Social Work at Fordham University. In May of 2016 she will complete her Master’s degree in Divinity at New York Theological Seminary. Upon completion of her clinical social work license she aspires to start a private practice providing therapy to those suffering from trauma. In addition, she plans to open a community center. Through the community center she hopes to be able to assist individuals in making personal changes and be involved in local politics to help create a better society that will empower people to succeed academically, socially, spiritually and financially.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

Pursue Me

Guest Writer: Casey Sharperson
It was a set up. You know, when someone who loves you dearly just can’t stand that fact that you’re single, so they try to help God out, kind of set up. They mean well and you’re thankful that they care, so you accept, just in case they’re right this time and you don’t want to miss your blessing. So there I was, listening awkwardly to foreign music coming from the misaligned speakers and wondering what I’d gotten myself into. Don’t get me wrong, he was pleasant and I heard great things about him, but this date wasn’t working for me. Here’s why: I wasn’t being pursued. By his own admission, he’d stalked my social media and asked about me and decided that he knew everything that he needed to know. So instead of spending the date with small talk about life, interests, faith, we spent it talking about… him.
On the drive home, the Holy Spirit put a check in my spirit about the date. He reminded me that we do the exact same thing to Christ. We listen to testimonies about his faithfulness, sermons about his goodness, and songs about his righteousness. Technology give us access to the entire world with the swipe of a finger and the click of a button. We see inspirational posts, a nice saying about God here or there and a maybe a quick morning devotional. While nothing is wrong with these, they shouldn’t be the only elements to our relationship with God. Most of what we know and think about Christ is second-hand and from someone else. Just as we long to be pursued and prioritized in a dating relationship, we should chase God in that same manner. Let inspiration serve as a catalyst to study more about a topic, meditate on related scriptures, or pray about certain areas.
We can’t assume that we know everything about him, even if we’ve been in church for years. It’s an on-going relationship. At no point do you “arrive” and stop seeking his face. The Lord wants us to KNOW him. It takes time and energy to build and cultivate a relationship. Whether you’re single, “married to Jesus,” dating, or married, remember that your first focus is Christ. Build on your personal relationship rather than the relationship of others.
“And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13
 
 
Casey Sharperson Headshot
Casey Sharperson, known as the The Confidence Cultivator, is a speaker, blogger, and mentor to millennials looking to go to the next level. She is passionate about cultivating the confidence within others to take them from stagnant to stellar, in order to live the lives they were created to live. Named DMV’s Top 30 under 30, she is passionate about merging faith and business to unlock her client’s God-given potential. Visit her on www.caseysharperson.com for inspiration and transformation.

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Single

7 Things I Would Tell My Single Self

I am so thankful to be happily married and the mother of two wonderful children, this season is everything I could have prayed  for. In the last several days I have been thinking of my single days. I am glad I have no regrets about them, but here are some things I wish I would have known going through them.
 

  1. Relax- the one is on the way so stop hoping and praying everyone you see is the one, and no you have not met him yet. The story the Lord is writing for you is one for the storybooks. Stay focused.
  2. Grow in intimacy with God- When you get married time is going to be a precious commodity, you are on the right track, go wherever God is. Keep pursuing him with your heart.
  3. Lose weight/take care of your body- When your mate and children come it is going to be a lot harder. Keep going to the gym, develop good eating habits now.
  4. Finish School- There were so many times I wanted to give up in grad school, I am glad I did not. Finishing school while single was the best thing I could ever done for myself, some of my friends who were married with kids made it through, I just know it was a lot tougher.
  5. Go ahead and start the ministry- Many times I wanted to wait until my husband, I thought it would be easier with a partner, and it is. But the lessons I learned as a single woman leader are invaluable. Now I have my help mate but we are further ahead because I did not wait-
  6. Enjoy your sleep- Being married is not the issue, having children is. You will not sleep for many years especially mama’s. Enjoy the times when you can sleep in.
  7. Keep moving– Do not feel like if you travel, move to a different country or do something radical, your mate won’t find you. God leads people to each other, he will find you wherever you are.

Before you know it, your spouse will be here. Keep focusing on what is in front of you and you will see the goodness of God revealed.
Join us for The Online Singles Conference March 11th and 12th, everyone who registers here, will recieve a free copy of my book Journey to the Altar- A Marriage Praparation Guidebook.

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Single

Five Common Challenges of Young Marrieds

Whether you’ve been married five years or five minutes, maybe you’ve been noticing a few changes in your new life. Like how you don’t know how you feel about animated movies anymore (I still remember my wife’s face when I wanted to rent Despicable Me. Before we had kids.), or what kind of music “married folks” are supposed to like. I get it, and so do many, many, others.

Young married couples commonly feel like the “odd ones out.” It can sometimes feel like awkward adolescence all over again. Here are five common challenges of young marrieds. See how many you can relate to.

1. Friendships are very different. If you’re recently married and your best friends aren’t yet, there’s a definite change in your interactions. By no fault of their own, they’re not in your world yet. They don’t have to make decisions that will affect their families in the capacity that you do. You may remain extremely close, but there’s no denying that there’s another best friend in your life: your spouse. For this very reason, new marrieds are often extremely hungry to find couple friends. It’s not easy, but they’re out there. Put yourselves out there and amazing friendships are waiting for you and your spouse.

2. You have a hard time knowing where you fit within society. I can remember feeling extremely out of place when we first got married. Do I go to the men’s class or do we go to the young adults class? Do we eat with the young people or the “adults” during Thanksgiving dinner? As a young, inexperienced, fresh-faced husband, I didn’t quite feel like a man, yet I was no longer a boy. Accept that you’re adults now. Glean from other older married couples. Be patient with the transition.

3. You still miss your mama—a lot. The truth is, you probably miss everything about your childhood. It’s pretty normal to actually feel homesick as a newlywed couple. Give yourself time. You’re building a brand new family with a brand new flavor and a brand new culture. The good news is that you get to create the new culture of your brand new family! So whether your childhood was good or bad, you and your spouse get to start something fresh.

4. Sometimes you feel like you’re making it up as you go. The books and premarital counseling really helped, but this is no dress rehearsal, this is it! You’re on! Your wife cries, guess who has to be her support? You! Your husband feels like a failure. Who has to be the one to build him up? You guessed it: you. And that can be scary, can’t it? I don’t know anyone who begins marriage as an expert. Marriage is a journey. Why do you think thousands upon thousands of books have been written about marriage? Because marriage is a massive mountain that has taken many couples many, many years to scale. Keep your foundation on Christ, with a devotion to one another and you will see the fog begin to clear in your marriage journey.

5. You’re actually pretty scared. The future is so uncertain and many young couples don’t commit to marriage because of the fear of the unknown.  Like Joyce Meyer says, “Do it afraid.” Marriage is a very courageous endeavor. You know why? Because you’re loving In the dark. There’s no illuminated pathway. Your journey will be different than others. You’ll have challenges unique to your marriage, but remember: He has overcome the world. Love one another. Go all in. You’re writing a beautiful story together.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Purpose in Relationships : What's is your "Why?"

It is needful that any relationship and particularly dating relationships have clear definition. In a few recent conversations and virtue of personal experience in relationships, I found that knowing purpose or the “why” of the relationship can protect the health of it and the people involved as individuals. In this case, what you don’t know CAN hurt you.
When there is purpose for a thing it gives you something to work for, cherish, protect and nurture.
LADIES: if a man cannot clearly articulate the purpose of his presence in your life, then you need to kindly escort him out of it! Otherwise, you will be led on and left to wander like a lost sheep because he’s failed to give you precise direction and definition. I am shocked at the number of women who continue on in involvement with guys who will not provide plain, straightforward definition of the relationship.
This happened to me before I learned better. I was involved with a man who never made it clear what his intentions were in my life. He wanted to keep “us” as a secret and carry on as if we were together but kept me lost in the dark about our relationship and the direction it was headed in. As a woman, I was caught up in the emotion of it, but with a false pretense: my emotions were led to a place where no commitment had been made. That was a very dangerous place. I was led on in circles because he refused to put language to his involvement in my life and as a result, it ended in bitter heartbreak.
My point is this ladies: purpose makes a man accountable! This particular man was happy to keep me a secret because he had nothing to be accountable for. I did not hold him accountable for his behavior and sadly I suffered the consequence of that. When a man is serious about you, he is going to make his intentions known and usually right upfront. A man who is not serious about you won’t tell you anything, he’ll just be there and you won’t be going anywhere. A man who knows his purpose in your life cannot just casually date you or lead you on- he won’t even desire to. And just an FYI…it is okay to ask for definition because you need to know! I am not saying to move ahead of the guy’s pace because he should naturally be the pursuer, I am referring to if there has been no talk of commitment or definition but you “feel” like you are in a relationship already.
No purpose is going to get you nowhere…fast.
When there is nothing to work towards or there is no clear direction of where you are headed; you will easily become lost. Or, you will find yourself going in circles or even worse, you’ll proceed and land in a ditch because there is not a set path in sight.
Purpose is like the steering wheel of a relationship because it is your guide for where you are headed and what you are to accomplish together. Where there is no purpose, sadly, there is no movement. How frustrating is it to be in a relationship that is not going anywhere?
Once the purpose of the relationship is determined, vision should come shortly after. You should be able to clearly see and understand what your relationship is meant to accomplish. Think about walking into a dark room and closing the door behind you. If you do not turn on the light switch before you close the door, you will have to feel your way around the room until you find it. This should not be the case in relationships; we should not have to “feel” our way through them. Purpose helps to turn the lights on in the beginning so that you can see where you are going.
In your relationship, make sure that you know and are able to answer the “why”.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Dear Future Husband…

Dear Future Husband:
Guest Writer: Calandra Thompson
I was part of you before we met in the physical realm. God formed me just for you. We are both spiritual beings living this natural experience. I will be your helper because God created me for you. I was made in the image of God just as you have been made in the image of God. God made no mistakes when he formed us both in our mother’s wombs.
I was created to support, love, and uplift, encourage, strengthen and compliment you in all areas of your life. Although I am a woman I still have the power and influence to help you on this journey. We are imperfect people but we are perfect for each other. Were you are weak I will be your strength and were I am weak you will be my strength. We will be powerful because God will be the head of our union.
As I reflect on the rib that came from man’s side and created woman, I can’t help but tell you that I will be by your side every step of the way. I will walk with you because I know that God is leading you. The unity in our marriage will come from us both being able to support each other physically, emotionally, mentally and most importantly spiritually.
I want a mind blowing experience from our first encounter. Your transparency will wipe away fears that you don’t know exist. Our connection will be confirmation from that prayers that I have prayed. We will share our dreams, fears and aspirations with each other. We will follow the way that God has instructed us how to love each other.
I vow today I will love you even when there are unlovable moments, I will respect you because I know that you are connected to the vine, I will assist you whenever you need me whether it be ministry or personal growth, I will submit to you because I know that you are connected to the source, my spirit will remain gentle and quiet. I will continue to support and encourage you in all that you do. You will always be uplifted in my prayers!
 
Calandra Thompson is a Christian Blogger of http://inspiredcali14.blogspot.com/ a blog that is written to encourage and inspire people in their daily walk with Jesus Christ. Calandra is currently enrolled in seminary school. Calandra has 3 beautiful children and is currently dating a wonderful man of God with a purpose. Her passion for Christ inspires her to spread the gospel to all that will hear. Calandra resides in Dallas, TX and attends Christian Chapel Temple of Faith CME.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

5 Signs That Indicate He/She May Not be That Into You….

Have you ever received mixed signals from a man/woman who seemed to be into you one minute then months/years later you became confused and unsure of where the relationship was headed? If you can relate to this emotional roller coaster, here are some signs that can help to determine if he/she is really not that into you:
1. If you are the one who always initiates communication, he/she may not be that into you. When a man or woman is interested in you, he/she will call, text, email or send smoke signals to get your attention. Not in a “stalkerish” way, but you will not be left to wonder if he/she is interested in you. When the interest is mutual both individuals will do their share of communicating with one another. However, the male should be taking the lead in the pursuit. Ladies, your job is to confirm your interest after HE pursues you.
2. If he/she consistently make excuses about why they can not make time for you, he/she may not be that into you. When a man/woman is interested in you, no matter how busy their schedule is they will make time for you!
3. If no one important to them knows you exist, he/she may not be that into you. When a man finds a woman he is interested in, he will share his interest with those close to him. If he has never mentioned you to his close  friends or family, chances are he is not that into you. Women love to show off the man in their life. If she has not mentioned you after several months of dating, you may just be an option for her, but nothing serious.
4. If he/she can not express their pursuit or feelings for you publicly, but communicates to you how important you are to them in secret, the truth is he/she may not be that into you. While I don’t believe every move made in the relationship should be public, if he/she is a public person (often shares great news and aspects of their life on social media) but there is no trace of you….there may be a problem. When a man is interested in a woman and really feels she is his potential mate, he will not hide her. He is not afraid of sharing his pursuit of her publicly. If he is truly decided about her place in his life, his goal will be to take her off the market as soon as possible. As it pertains to women, a decided woman will most certainly let the world know she is taken and involved. She will not keep her man a secret!
5. If a significant amount have time has elapsed and he/she is not ready to move forward with you to the next level, he/she may not be that into you. If you have spent several months or years getting to know a man/woman by dating and discussing a future together and he/she shows no interest in moving forward….he/she may not be into you. A reluctant man is a undecided man. Men who are ready for marriage know what they want and are prepared prior to pursuing a woman. Any other form of pursuit is simply a gamble and can result in a dead end relationship. Men, a woman who will entertain you while you spend money to take her out and on gifts, but is reluctant to move forward with you after spending a significant time in a dating relationship may enjoy the benefits of having you around….however she is most likely not sold on having a future with you.
For those who desire true love God’s way, refuse to settle for dead end relationships. Do not make a man or woman your all when they they have simply made you an option! Men, you are worthy of a woman who will make room for you in her life and will commit to you and only you. Ladies, you are worth the pursuit of a decided man who will make his pursuit of you clear and known to the world!