Let HER Work

I was visiting a bible study a few weeks ago with about 30 young adults. This bible study was full of people from every walk of life. That night, toward the end of the bible study, the leader decided to go around the room and have each person share where they were in their journey with patience. As I listened to everybody respond, there seemed to be a common theme in the room. That theme was patience in relationships and the desire to be married.
 
After listening for a while, the Holy Spirit spoke to me about the purpose of patience in every area but especially pertaining to relationships. One of the things I realized that night was that most people look at patience as a plague or even a punishment from God. Some said it was extremely difficult to be patient especially in relationships because often times they knew what they wanted and wanted it right away.
 
There seemed to be a lack of a desire and a value for patience that night and more value for the prize that exists on the other side of patience. So many people shared how they felt that if they could just be patient, it would be worth it in the end because they would get the guy or the girl that they desired. As I thought about it more, how does being patient help you obtain a prize? It doesn’t. In fact it can be quite opposite. Being patient sometimes can cause you to miss out on what you thought was going to be the prize.
 
In all of this, there are three things that I think are important to know about being patient in relationships. This could mean waiting for the one and not rushing into a relationship. It could also mean being patient with yourself and where you thought you would be right now in relationships. It could also mean being in a relationship and not rushing to the altar for the sake of the prize. No matter where you find yourself, here is what is important to know about patience:
 

1. You must learn to value patience.

I wish I understood this concept when I was rushing to the altar of marriage, fresh out of college. I had no value for patience, therefore, like many of the people in the room that night, it was so much harder to be patient and so much more tempting to jump the gun in relationships, even to the point of the marriage. I had no ability to measure the damage that would be caused due to my lack of patience.

2. Patience is not about the prize you will receive, it’s about the process you are in.

Oftentimes we think of patience as a caveat: “if we just hold out, then we will get the woman of our dreams or the man of our dreams.” The reality is, you being patient has nothing to do with the person you will end up with. It has everything to do with your trust in God and where He is taking you in life. When people are impatient, especially in relationships, it is like they are telling God to hurry up because He doesn’t understand what they need or want.

3. Patience PERFECTS you!

The main reason patience is so important is because the Bible makes it clear in James 1, verse 4, “But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” When patience is exercised and grown in your life it perfects you. I think about people who jump the gun in relationships only to find out they still had unresolved issues on the other end of the rush – even in areas of purpose and careers. Usually when people move too quickly, they jump into something without the necessary tools to sustain their position.
 
Such was my case which led me to a divorce in less than a year. Rushing to the altar for marriage so that I would not “fall into sin” only caused me to abort the process of perfection that could only come from patience. I simply sold somebody a fragmented version of myself because I never allowed patience to have its perfect work. I was incomplete but made others believe that I had it together because I moved ahead of the process I was in.
 
Having patience in your relationships will allow God to complete the process IN YOU. It will help the other person to ensure that the person they are with (hopefully forever) will be complete, lacking nothing because of patience. Any time you jump ahead of your process, you rush into something and end up looking good on the outside while being hollow on the inside. As you enjoy the life you live, I encourage you to slow down. Don’t rush. Let patience perfect you so that when you do move into a relationship you will be complete, lacking nothing because you allowed patience to work.
 
M&Y is hosting an Online Singles Conference next month! If you are interested in registering or learning more about it, you can check out our website here: The Online Singles Conference