Few Scriptures have provoked more push-back from the world like Ephesians 5:22 which says, “Wives, submit to your husbands.” If you want to stir “a woman scorned” to an hour long tirade, mention this verse. If you want to send forth a rallying cry to manipulators and controllers, to rend marriage into madness, mention this verse.
Many have abused this principle and oppressed the woman’s role in marriage, which has had some horrific ramifications. I have seen husbands use this verse to control their wives, by attaching a “thus saith the Lord” prefix to whatever carnal desires are swirling around in their misguided heads.
Why, oh why does Paul even mention this? If it could potentially do so much damage, cause so much division, and stir so much confusion, what is the problem? This is actually a very beautiful verse. Context, friends, context. After charging the church to “submit to one another,” Paul specifically mentions wives to submit to their husbands. Why? Because he is talking to Christian husbands who will lead and love their wives, as Christ led and loved the Church; it is a two-way street of a wife agreeing to step into her husband’s covering, while the husband, in turn, agrees to cover. I didn’t say smother, and neither did Paul.
Let me clear up some misconceptions about a husband’s leadership.
Ephesians 5 describes a Jesus Who loves and sanctifies His own bride. Paul then relates loving one’s wife to loving one’s own body: nourish, protect, cherish. (Eph. 5:29)
1. Nourish. To nourish means “to nurture to growth.” What would happen if husbands worldwide intentionally fostered spiritual and emotional growth in their wives? Husbands should be incubators for their wives to flourish to be all that God designed them to be! God created a husband’s leadership to bring life. Newsflash: wives have a destiny in Christ, too. Husbands, champion your wife’s growth in Christ, and her purpose in the Kingdom!
2. Protect. The Latin prefix “pro” means “toward,” while “tect” means cover. As we naturally protect (cover toward) our heads when a book falls off the shelf, I hope I have the same reflexive action to cover my wife when she’s in harm’s way. I experienced this a few years ago when someone verbally attacked my wife in my presence. I felt righteous anger rise up in me and I physically stood up, in front of my wife, and said, “Enough.” Funny how my instinct was to stand in front of her, because my intent was to shield her from danger. Husbands’ leadership in front is to shield their wives and children from oncoming attacks.
3. Cherish. When you cherish someone, you see that person as a precious, priceless treasure. Christ cherished and valued His Bride enough to pour out His blood on her behalf. Hebrews 12:2 says that Jesus “for the prize set before Him” suffered and died on that cross. You were that prize. I was that prize. A husband’s leadership role in his marriage calls him to cherish, value, treasure, adore his wife over all others.
The abuse of Scripture grieves me, but this one especially. What was always intended to be living, vibrant portrait of joyous marriage has been undermined and misapplied. Yes, Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands, but husbands also better be submitted (Eph. 5:21,23). If a man looks at this verse and sees permission for manipulation and emotional and/or spiritual abuse, he is blind and deceived. But nourishing, protecting, and cherishing? That’s a husband that wives want to stand beside.
