Tag: husbands

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Engaged Marriage

Is Your Marriage Purpose Driven?

In order to have a purpose Driven Marriage, you must operate in the:
The power of Agreement
Amos 3:3 states clearly, “How can two people walk together unless they can agree…?” As couple, we must work out every issue with agreement in mind. Two people must be courageous enough to see eye to eye or else they’ll be going ‘eye for an eye’.
A couples’ maturity depends on their mutual understanding of the purpose for their relationship. Whenever one or both people don’t understand the purpose of dating, courting, or marriage then abuse is inevitable. This means that you will destroy a relationship, if there is no purpose or mutual end goal. I’ve set in my heart that dating is for marriage.
Courtship is to discover yourself and the other person in relationship to you being “God’s Best” for them in the aspect of service, sacrifice, and suitability. Marriage is when you bring all that you are into a loving, committed, and Holy union. Therefore, there has to be some strict agreements. Before you marry a person, check their commitment history. Do they break commitments often? Do they have a shaky relationship history when it comes to keeping their word? Marriage is not a contract but marriage is Covenant. Contracts can be broken, but covenant commitments are purposed last a lifetime.
The power of Emergence
A sense of urgency is so important for couples to make it last. Acts 2:45 expresses that the early church sold their possessions and lived as though Christ were coming back soon. Well, in a covenant relationship, there should be an urgency of care, concern, and compassion for one another. This means that a couple should be willing to drop any and everything and consider their marriage as priority.
This means that they should learn the principle of: Stop, Serve, and Sacrifce. Yes, both individuals in a courtship or marriage relationship need to know when to slow down. take time out to serve one another and sacrificially sow value into their relationship so that it can produce good fruit.
The Power of Reciprocity
To be on one accord, means that a couple must learn to build upon a healthy foundation of positive: feedback, counsel, and resolution. In other words, a couple should always be talking about the issues that matter to them the most without allowing themselves to hoard or harbor insecurities. There needs to be a healthy dialogue regarding their husband and wife roles and a consistent vision or goal setting session to help them hold each other accountable. Yes, the marriage and family should operate like a small business with unconditional love as the dynamic that holds everything together.
 
M&Y Guest Writer: Brian K.Cunningham is a highly sought after motivational speaker, life coach. An ordained minister and author of 7 books ranging from self-help to fiction, Brian is a proven leader amongst his peers. Brian has a B.S. in Psychology, M.A. in Teaching, and a Doctorate in Christian Education & Counseling. Brian is a Board certified Pastoral Counselor and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Brian is available for conferences, retreats, Christian counseling and small group sessions. Brian’s ministry specializes in deliverance, healing, restoration, reconciliation, faith, stewardship, all in the name of Christian education and counseling.

Categories
Marriage

3 Ways to Keep God's Love In Your Marriage

When We Become Nothing
by Sarah Westbrook
Love. We are exactly nothing without it. (1 Corinthians 13:2)
If you grabbed the most incredible person that exists on the planet (think of that person that pierces your heart and blows your mind), who has fulfilled jaw-dropping good things with God. If you remove love from them – they are reduced to nothing. Why do we fight so hard to be other things that we think are good and valuable? Probably because His love is so inhuman. It is radical. It is earth shaking. It is 1 Corinthians 13!
Where Is the Gospel In Our Marriage?
Five years ago, I was present when a man from Africa was asked “Why does your country see more miracles than we do here?” He replied, “Because we have no other options”. Because of their humble lifestyle, they reach for and experience His love and His power.
Our “options” and “negotiations” around His ways have so clearly crashed and burned in failure. If we would act like this wonderful people group from Africa and grasp that there are no other options for us, then we would have the gospel in our marriage. Power and love would be present and played out because we are grabbing ahold of it. I am beginning to understand that when God’s Kingdom comes to us and into our lives, it will probably look pretty foreign. It won’t look like anything we could ever do or be on our own.
Examine What Your Heart Treasures.
It’s not the outside world that wrecks us. Defilement happens inside our hearts. (Matthew 15:18-20) Where is our heart for each other? That is our ministry above all else. Allowing our feelings to call the shots and run the show has become so common. We freely judge each other.
We lean on our own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5-6) We forget all about speaking our spouse’s love language to them. We allow our love for them to get crowded out and turned off. We forget to recognize the good traits that God put in us for each other that we need so much. It’s not the outside world that defiles us. Defilement happens inside our hearts. (Matthew 15:18-20)
In my case, this especially takes place when the odyssey of raising children is underway. I get fixated on how uncomfortable I am, being pushed so far past my capabilities, riding a crash course of self-absorption obliteration, and living in the blazing reality that I feel no control of anything under the sun. I’m suddenly reminded that before I was my kids’, I was my husband’s.
A few ways to keep God’s love in your marriage:
 1. Be in His presence to receive love. Be a person that interacts with Him minute by minute and therefore remains in His transforming presence. The Kingdom of God is ‘at hand’. He is at our fingertips. “The Kingdom of God is not a matter of talk; it is living by God’s power.” – 1 Corinthians 4:20
 2. Fight for your spouse. War for them through prayer. Pray down His kingdom come in them and in the process your love for them gets turned on and you gain God’s unsurpassable heart for them.
3. Love your spouse from God’s perspective. Love them through their failures, incompleteness, and transformations. Tap into God’s feelings, compassion and plans for them.

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Home Marriage

Is Your Marriage Fireproof?

My husband and I watched the movie Fireproof this weekend. I urge all married couples and engaged couples to watch it as well. While watching the movie, all I could think was, “Is MY marriage fireproof?” I want to share with you a few things I learned from the movie.
Most people have a fight or flight mentality. When conflict arises are you going to stay and fight or run and leave (flight)? For me, I have a flight mentality. When serious conflict arises, I just want to run away and be left alone. As a married person, this is not fair to my husband who has a fight mentality.
One quote from the movie that stood out to me is, “Fireproof doesn’t mean that a fire will never come… But that when it comes, you’ll be able to withstand it.”
This quote stuck out to me because conflict will come in marriage, but when it does come are you strong enough to withstand it. Are you going to unite with your spouse and commit to getting through this tough time together or are you going to give up at the first sign of trouble. Even if your spouse is not committed, you should still be committed to making your marriage work.
This leads me to the next quote, “Never leave your partner behind, especially in a fire.”
When you get married, you are one. How silly would it be to leave yourself? Imagine firefighters fighting a massive fire. At that moment, the firefighters need each other the most to ensure safety and survival. When fires come in your marriage, that is when your spouse needs you the most. You wouldn’t purposely leave yourself stranded in the middle of a forest fire or outside in a hurricane, so why would you leave your spouse stranded in the middle of a fire pertaining to your marriage?
Another quote that stood out to me is, “God made marriage to be for life. That’s why you gotta keep your vows to your spouse. You gotta ask God to teach you how to be a good husband/wife. And don’t just follow your heart, because your heart can be deceived. But you gotta lead your heart.”
Feelings are fickle. You may not always feel like loving your spouse. You may not always feel like being a good wife. You may not feel like keeping the vows you made on your wedding day because things are hard now, and it wasn’t on your wedding day. You have to make a choice and a commitment to lead your feelings. You have to make a choice to do the right thing and show your spouse love and respect even when you FEEL he/she doesn’t deserve it. Pray about it. God will show you how. Remember you vowed for better or for worse. Worse will come. Remember the commitment you made before God, your family, and your friends.
I would love to hear from you. How do you plan on ensuring your marriage is Fireproof?

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Home

The Power In Comparing Yourself to Jesus in Your Marriage

 
Husbands, don’t compare yourself to Ryan Gosling’s character in The Notebook. Don’t compare yourself to your father; and especially don’t compare yourself to Don Draper in Mad Men, because the one thing that this group, which includes myself, has in common is that we all fall short as husbands in comparison to the Bridegroom: Jesus Christ.
It doesn’t matter how good or how bad you look when comparing yourself to one of the aforementioned husbands, because when you look at how Jesus loves His bride, you realize that we are all equally unworthy of admiration.
In the book of Ephesians, Paul told the husbands in Ephesus to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”1
I believe that as husbands we love our wives, and I’m sure we would give up our lives for them. But as romantic as this pledge of laying down your life for your wife sounds, the act of giving yourself up for your bride begins much sooner.
You don’t just tell your wife that you’ll lay down your life for her during your wedding day, but you prove it to her the day after your wedding day, and until the last day you are together. But what does giving yourself up look like?
When wondering what it looks like to “give [yourselfup for her,” look to Christ. Jesus was someone who spoke of his love for people, but he also proved his love for them. We see this when we read that Jesus “came not to be served, but to serve.”2
Husbands, are you a servant? Or do you expect to be served? If the latter, may I suggest looking to the humbleness of Christ. He is God, but out of love for His people, he humbled himself and served them. He went as far as washing their feet! And this was at a time when sweat resistant socks and Nike’s were not available. And here I am, struggling to rub my wife’s feet. If you are honest with yourself, you will see how miserably you have failed. You may have done some good, and for that I encourage you to continue, but husbands, we are all a work in progress. We all fall short of Christ’s example.
So what do we do; do we sit around drowning in a sea of our own self-loathing because we failed as husbands? Of course not! The great thing about Jesus is that because he loves his bride, He gave Himself up for her, and He bought her back from her old master (Sin and Death).
Husbands, we are Christ’s bride, and we are seeing daily how Jesus is a greater husband than we are. In light of this freeing knowledge, the first thing we should do is repent. We repent before the Lord and before our spouse for failing to live up to the call of Ephesians 5:25. After a time of repentance, have a conversation with your spouse. Ask her how she would like to be served, and hopefully you will find ways to serve. It can be washing the dishes, or in my case, even rubbing her feet. Giving up your life for your spouse begins with the little things in life.
When we seek to compare ourselves to someone, that someone should always be Christ. Looking at his life will convict us, motivate us, and will compel us to change. Through that process, your marriage will see growth, Christ will be glorified, and the Gospel will be exemplified. May we continue running this race with endurance for the glory of God, and for the good of our marriages. Soli Deo Gloria.

About the Author:

Eddie Mercado is a Pre-Seminary student at Kuyper College. He serves his church as a worship director, where he leads the local church in worshiping the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost through song. Him and his wife, Hillary, are expecting a child this September. They reside in Grand Rapids, MI.

Categories
Engaged Marriage

5 Guaranteed Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Spouse

When reading the title of this blog, I am sure it is guaranteed to raise eyebrows. Well, allow me to explain. After being married for 8 years, I have learned a lot from doing marriage my way or the way I was taught by my parents or lack thereof.
Once we exchange rings and the fanfare is over, we become quickly acquainted with the ‘real’ person you married. Don’t get me wrong! I am quite sure many of you know a lot about your spouse prior to saying ‘I Do’.
However, I am pretty sure you find out a lot more once you are living together as a married couple. Maybe you didn’t know he was lazy or maybe you didn’t know she was terrible with money. Well,  I have developed a few techniques that will help you get the most out of your spouse.

  1. Assess his/her weaknesses – I am sure that after you left the honeymoon and moved in you are beginning to notice behaviors or weaknesses in your spouse. The areas that your spouse is weak in offer to assist in those areas.
  2. Pray for Development – Ask God to teach you to pray for your spouse. After all, God is her Father and he knows the way to her heart better than you. Trust his guidance as you pray for your spouse. You are her biggest intercessor. Pray that she grows in these areas of her life.
  3. Affirmation – Be sure to affirm the areas they are strong in.
  4. Handling their mistakes – Be patient when they makes mistakes. Use these as opportunities to demonstrate to your spouse that you want to help and that they don’t have to do it alone. Also, don’t forget to encourage them to try again.
  5. Develop a vision for your spouse – What do you want to see materialize in his/her life, career, spiritual life. Once you get a vision for your spouse, invest in it! Purchase books! Give them training ideas! Lend you ear to your spouse passions and seek out ways to fulfill them!

Finally, MOTIVATE, MOTIVATE, MOTIVATE!
There is much power in a praying, comforting, reassuring spouse. The end result is a spouse that has the courage to tackle every challenge. As she sees you going out of your way for her. She will go out of her way for you!

Categories
Engaged Marriage

5 Things Satan Wants For Your Husband

After praying in the spirit, God has shown me 5 Things That LIFE (and Satan) wants to do to our Husbands:
1.     Drain his strength and make him weak spiritually.
2.     Seduce him into unsafe places.
3.     Work against God establishing Him financially, professional and spiritually.
4.     Distract him from his First Love- communion with Christ through excessive busyness   and doubt.
5.     Play against his confidence and capabilities by highlighting his weakness.

All Lies of the enemy!!! And for EVERY LIE THERE IS A TRUTH BUT YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO ACCESS TRUTH!!

WHAT DO I DO?
When you sense that this is going on with your spouse, allot time DAILY to PRAY in the Spirit for him.
WHY AM I DOING IT?
26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers[l<rmony with God’s own will. Romans 8:26-27 NLT
**The reason I strongly suggest praying in the spirit for him is because a lot of times when we notice something wrong with our spouses it affects us in a way that makes us unproductive.
“Praying in the spirit helps filter what is going on without taking it personally but taking personal responsibility for what we see”.
In other words, if you do not spend ample time praying BEYOND your understanding then your emotions will get in the way and cause you to sabotage your husband’s season of stretching (growth) and neglect your place.

ONE OF THE BIGGEST WEAKNESSES OF A LOT OF WOMEN IS OUR EMOTIONS.

“Praying in the spirit allows us to receive the reality of God beyond our weak emotions”.

I have made this mistake so many times in my life and it has left my husband even more confused and worried about what’s going on with ME and the chaos in his own life. After praying in the spirit God MOVED MY EMOTIONS OUT OF THE WAY so that I could SEE what season my husband was in more clearly and how I could HELP him accomplish what God was working in him through LIFE’S experiences.
LADIES, my prayer today is that we forsake our emotions and fight to see the bigger picture through PRAYER!!
Have eyes that SEE and ears that HEAR GOD for him.
Sincerely walking this out with you!
Love,
Kimberly Allen