Category: Parenting

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Parenting

Social Media Etiquette Everyone Should Follow, Regardless of Your Relationship Status

 
Modern day technology has made it easy to connect with long lost friends, family members, and has even made it convenient to meet new friends. Unfortunately, it has also made it ridiculously easy to share EVERY aspect of our lives with the entire world. There once was a time we didn’t need to know what you ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Sadly, that day has sailed. Being that social media sites aren’t equipped with an  “What Not to Post Manual,” I thought I’d share a few tips:
 
1. Don’t Vent–
No one wants to see your overly emotional posts every other day! Social media is no place for your relationship or personal problems; that’s what friends are for. Constant venting portrays instability.
 
2. Don’t post compromising material–
To me, social media tells your story. You can literally tell who a person is by scrolling through their timeline. Take a look through your timeline, what are you portraying?
 
3. Keep some things to yourself–
The whole world doesn’t need an update on your every move. I get a good laugh every time someone posts “I hate people in my business,” but they’ve shared their lunch with them for the past 90 days, or statuses about their “deadbeat” baby daddy that they just posted a picture of “date night” with a week prior. News flash! Whatever you post on social media is no longer YOUR business, it now becomes ours.
 
4. Don’t “throw shade”-
So, your significant other is getting on your nerve? Well, that doesn’t mean you need to go post “When I’m gone he/she will know how good they had it”. If you have a problem, be mature and address it with the individual PRIVATELY.
 
5. KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP PRIVATE-
No matter what your status is, don’t invite the millions on Facebook in. Single? No need to post every date, every lonely night, or every “wasted outfit.” Courting? Every post doesn’t have to be about how he/she is your sun, moon, and stars! Married? No need to include us in every major decision you make! I’m an advocate for the element of surprise!
 
 
Short and simple, and yet for some, so complicated! Remember, social media is used to help us connect with other people, not burden our fellow followers with our everyday highs and lows. Before hitting “post”, ask yourself “What purpose will this serve?”
XOXO,
Shan
 

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Marriage Parenting

Maybe the Problem is You

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Marriage Parenting

4 Ways to Prophetically Nurture Your Baby During Pregnancy

We are EXPECTING and stoked does not even begin to describe my excitement. However, nervous does not adequately convey my uncertainty either. I’m sure that all parents have felt one or both of these sentiments at some point. So, how do you prepare? How do you get “things in order”? How do I, as a parent, protect, and provide for my child?
 
Before, these questions are answered, The Lord had me think about what kind of child we would have. I don’t mean physical or mental attributes, but spiritually. As prophetic parents, it stands to reason that our seed(s) would operate in the prophetic realm heavily and the Lord has revealed this fact to both me and my wife. Now we all, as followers of Christ, have the spirit of prophecy hovering over us and residing within us (Rev. 19:10), but there are stronger levels of impartation of which my wife and I operate. As such, the question is raised, “What do you do during the prophetic pregnancy?”
 
To be honest, I don’t fully know! I mean, I don’t fully know much about pregnancy period, but the Lord has given me some insight. Here are four insights to help navigate the prophetic pregnancy:
 
1. Fervently, fearlessly, and faithfully pray for and declare Gods word over your child while still in the womb. This may seem basic but the underlying principle is subtle and can be overlooked. Prayer and time with The Father is the first call of the prophetic person. After all, how can you hear from God if you aren’t in dialogue with Him?
Science teaches us that at 18 weeks the baby begins to hear sounds. Providing a sonic fetal environment of prayer and God’s word will help get your child accustomed to praying. It will help him/her to become familiar with the fundamental element of prayer.
*Side note: Fellas, your wife will eat up every moment that you lay hands on her tummy and pray for your child. That is an extraordinarily, intimate moment of bonding between the three of you that your wife will cherish for the rest of her life and your marriage.
 
2. Cover every detail that you can about your child…every detail. Begin to pray over health, wealth, spouse and marriage, grades, athletic prowess, intellectual capacity, serving in the community and Kingdom of God, education, decision making, professional/platonic/romantic relationships, income, career, safety, mobility, biological functions, anatomy, diseases and disorders, and a million more things. Prophetically speak into your child’s life even in the womb! Be detailed. Be specific. Carve out a Godly existence with your words that are backed by scripture and the vision that God has given the family. Speak with authority, conviction, and the Holy Spirit. Even in the womb, call those things that are not (and have not manifested) as though there were!
 
3. Get in the presence of God as much and as often as possible – not just at church and not just quiet time. Take the time out in your home and demonstratively press into the presence of God while you and your spouse are pregnant. Tap into a pure worship where you and your child’s existence is literally in the heart of God!  As a prophetic parent, it’s easy for the prophetic winds to blow and prophecy to take place when God’s presence is high! In His presence, you and your spouse will begin to hear what God has to say and often times you declare the word of the Lord. Guess what, your child hears and experiences this too! This tangible experience and connection will help to cultivate the prophetic gift, God’s love, obedience, Godly fearlessness, and discernment in them.
 
4. Be cautious about allowing anyone to touch your belly! It can mean so much more than just being physically annoying. Everyone is not happy about your pregnancy and the enemy and his camp are surely not pleased with the announcement of another powerful child of God being born into this world. Just like laying on of hands can release blessing, it can also release negativity. Shield your child, yourself, and/or your spouse from any possible negativity releasing where your unborn baby resides.
 
These principles should be applied to all children. However, when you know that the Lord has called your seed to operate heavily in the apostolic and prophetic gifts, these simple steps are key to unlocking their destiny! As parents, we are charged with their protection, provision, and pointing them to the righteousness of God! These four steps are a great start and practice to maintain through the rest of their lives!
 

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Engaged Parenting

Six Marriage Lessons Putt-Putt Taught Me

I soared down the highway to my house after work on a Tuesday evening. My wife loaded the minivan with the diaper bag. We loaded our two kids into their car-seats and soared down the highway again. This time, we drove to my parents’ house. Free babysitting!
 
Closing the car doors as we said goodbye to our kids, we maintained our composure. But, as the driver’s side door slammed, we burst into laughter as though we had just escaped from prison! We were going on a date and it had been a long week.
 
As we pulled into the parking lot, we felt like kids again. I aim to be romantic. I love taking my wife to fancy dinners. But, sometimes we just need to play hard! Our date that night was putt-putt golf, and we couldn’t have been more excited!
 
SWSCONFERENCE
Putt-putt can be a deeply profound and revealing experience.  As we avoided the puddles, blocks, obstacles, and strove to balance our swing to make it through the loops of the circus-themed putt-putt course, we were amazed by what we learned.
 
Here are six marriage skills I learned from putt-putt:
 
1. Don’t cheer when your spouse fails. 
We wanted one another to make it! Sure, there were friendly jabs and jests as each of us would grunt in frustration over missing the hole, but in all 18 holes, we wanted one another to succeed! When your spouse misses the mark, be their biggest, most vocal cheerleader!
 
2. Give each other do-overs.
The twists and turns of a putt-putt course are purposefully designed to be frustrating. With just the two of us playing, we set one another up for success by allowing “mulligans,” or “do-overs.” In Luke 6:36, Jesus tells us to be merciful. Apply this to marriage.When, not if, one of you misses the mark, offer a merciful, glorious “do-over.”
 
3. Turn off your brain for an evening.
It feels so good to give stress an eviction notice. My wife and I proposed that, for an evening, we would simply be together and not try to figure everything out. Too often husbands and wives engage in “beast mode” and are always taking care of the business of the household instead of focusing on one another.
 
4. Be patient while your spouse triumphs.
Putt-putt and golf in general are patience sports. Watching my wife methodically plot out each stroke of the club was inspiring and insightful into how her mind works.In marriage, be intentional about watching how your spouse navigates life’s demands. Don’t look at your phone and tune out. Celebrate each hole-in-one with your spouse through every season!
 
5. Play together more.
Similar to #3, but still unique. Plan playtime. We didn’t accidentally end up at a putt-putt golf course, I planned an outing that stepped outside of the “thirty-somethings” box and we felt like teenagers dating again!The couple that plays together stays together! Marriages that don’t make time for fun are in danger of taking themselves too seriously. My wife and I agreed that “play dates” are going to become a new norm for our date nights.
 
6. Throw away the score card.
I still have the score card from the first time I ever played putt-putt with my wife. But as a married couple, I threw this one away. Keeping track of our progress was fun, but what we want to remember about our marriage is that we can’t lose when we’re together.
 
 
How do you and your spouse have fun? What do life’s moments reveal about your marriage?
 
Click here to learn more about SWS Conference 2015! 
marriage_conference
 

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Marriage Parenting

Overcoming the Fear of Motherhood

From the desk of The Modern Day Cindi: I believe the most flattering compliment any woman can receive is about her character and inner beauty. And just the other day a friend of mine told me that I make pregnancy look so beautiful and easy and I chuckled. I think I chuckled because she had no clue about the inward challenges I faced to get to the “beautiful” place she saw me in.
 
It would seem like an easy thing; a natural progression of life for women. We even sing songs about it: “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.”  But, that was not my story. Well, in actuality it was, but it definitely was not as effortless as the song. I do know that many people pray for the ability to start a family; but, there are just as many who fear taking that step, and I was one of them. So here is my true Hollywood confession: I never pictured myself pregnant…a mother, yes; but pregnant, no. The 10 months associated with pregnancy seemed, in my eyes, the beginning of a prison sentence and not a time of beauty, blessing, and consecration.
 
The beauty and honor of pregnancy was stolen by what I perceived as an unbalanced ratio of more unwed mothers and too few wives. Now, this is not a shot at single parents; I have nothing but the utmost respect and applaud all single parents, whether it was by choice or not. I also understand that many would love to have a mate or a successful co-parenting/support system that would help balance the responsibility of raising a child. However, as we approach Mother’s Day and I reflect on how being the fruit of such a circumstance affected my views on me becoming a mother and pregnancy, I can say that the fear overcame the favor.
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Now for me, as the fruit of a single parent home, it would seem that being married would help some of those concerns about pregnancy, motherhood, and parenting subside, but it did not. I spent the first few years of my marriage outrunning motherhood. My husband, who was also raised by a single parent, always loved and wanted children. In fact, he probably never considered the depth of some of those fears until he married me. I believe that for the longest time, having a child and raising a child was filed away for him in two separate cabinets. And although we did not subscribe to any particular birth control method, my trepidation spoke heavily enough for the both us and thus influenced our wait and planning of our family.
 
My perceptions of pregnancy and parenting (raising a child alone, the woes of income and the fears of instability) are an unfortunate reality that some families face. My experience had allowed the fear of these not only to fuel my apprehension, but dull my desire to start a family. Not being able to put the reality of my situation in its proper place at one point affected my husband and I moving forward into the next phase of our marriage.
 
So, for those who are faced with similar challenges, here are 5 practical things you can do to overcome the fear of starting a family or becoming a mother:
 
1. Pray and let go: Introspectively search within yourself about what fears are holding you back.
2. Talk and agree: Have the discussion with your spouse about real concerns, fears, how many children, when to start a family, etc.
3. Do it on your time: Don’t allow the pressures of people’s expectations push you into the next stage prematurely.
4. Don’t let your plans trump God’s purpose in your life: plan with God’s purpose in mind and not your own predilections.
5. Rest in God, take care of yourself, and don’t stress: it is amazing what things take place when you allow peace to come in and let all the pressure out.
 
Motherhood and family planning should be an enjoyable time filled with God’s glory. These five steps, before and during the planning of your family, will help to overcome some of the unnecessary fear and anxiety. As you and your spouse begin to discuss and agree, God will honor the rest!
We’re so excited for this years SWS Conference 2015!
Click here for more information on how to reignite the physical intimacy in your marriage! 
SWSCONFERENCE
 
 

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Engaged Finances Home Parenting

The 3 Rules Financial Experts Suggest to Win at the Money Game

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Parenting

What it Means to Christen Your Child

When I christened my daughter, I made a vow to raise my child in the word of God. I have spent the last two years (plus the pregnancy) instilling in her the values that the Lord laid out for us. I remember talking to my in-laws about the Christening right after I gave birth to her. My husband and I expressed to them who we had chosen to be our child’s Godparents and they expressed to us how wrong we were.
“Why wouldn’t you make the person that got you two together your baby’s Godfather?” My husband, Robert’s, best friend introduced us and we have been inseparable since. We’ve thanked him but we could not put the raising of our child in his hands. Though he is a great person, he is not a Christian (his name is Christian but that’s the extent of it!). Of course we were told that, “we are taking it too seriously.”
There is nothing more serious than a child’s eternity. When a child is dedicated to God, the parents and Godparents vow to raise that child according to the bible. Why choose someone who has no intention of living that way themselves? You would not want your child going to a school with teachers who never attended college so why ask unqualified people to help teach your child about the way they should live?
Christening a child is not a tradition—God is not a God of traditions. Christening a child is a covenant. You stand in a church before the congregation, family and friends, alongside your spouse and your child and take vows. Sounds a little bit like a wedding, right? After the wedding, you don’t throw up your hands and go back to living as a bachelor/bachelorette. You merge your life with your spouse and form a union with that person. The same is required after the christening. “6 These words I am commanding you today must be kept in mind, 7 and you must teach them to your children and speak of them as you sit in your house, as you walk along the road, as you lie down, and as you get up.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7) You have to become more focused on following the word, on teaching your child how to pray, and being an example for your child. Though you may be doing these things prior to the christening, you are taking a symbolic step to declare to God and the world that you are giving your child to Him.
It is very important to maintain your relationship with your child, God, and his/her godparents so that you don’t break that contract. Not only are the Godparents, teachers of the word, they are a support system. The child should know that they will always be surrounded with love and support. When preparing to dedicate your baby, carefully consider the people in your life that have all of the traits you want instilled as your child grows, including a strong relationship with God. “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

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Parenting

When A Marriage Starts to Negatively Affect the Children

One of the points in my life that truly defined my childhood was watching my parents fight. I literally felt that I was not only in the middle of it but I was the reason for the fighting. I often felt like I had to choose sides and if I didn’t choose the right side then that would cause an even bigger issue. Another significant part of my childhood (and adulthood) was dealing with migraines along with a whole host of “medical mysteries.” My emotional issues manifested itself physically.
I have two parents who love me and my brother to no end. They would do anything for us including spending eighteen years in a painfully loveless marriage. My brother and I spent so much time wondering when they were just going to give up. What were they waiting around for? I learned later that they thought it would be best for us to have both parents in the home but it was probably one of the worst parenting decisions that they’ve made.
According to the word of God, divorce is not to be granted unless adultery is committed. What if they’re wrong for each other and it is now hurting the kids? Let’s examine what adultery is as defined by the word of God. “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28)
When you get married, you vow to love your spouse’s qualities and flaws but when you feel like he/she isn’t good enough, it means you’re desiring greener grass. You may not have someone in mind but you are lusting after the idea of a person. The bible refers to lust as “looking with intention.” The bible uses the “eye” figuratively to describe who we are and our inner desires. In other words, the eye represents the soul. “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.” (Matthew 6:22) The sign of a healthy eye is one that is complete. When you get married, you become one with your spouse. If your soul separates from your spouse, whether it be by physical means, in heart or mind, then your eye is unhealthy. It is in search of another soul to cling to and it is at that point when you commit adultery. It is now up to you to try to find a way to reconnect with your spouse or decide to live outside of your union. When children are involved, consider that the children feel everything that you are feeling.
“Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21) As parents, it is your duty to protect your children. Staying in a marriage that causes you to fight and be consistently unhappy in front of your children is not protecting them, it is provoking them. Your negative energy and relationship makes it difficult for them to have healthy relationships in the future because all they’ve experienced is dysfunction.
They will be reluctant to be married and discouraged by the definition of love set by your standards. Remember, the way you want your children to be loved and cared for in a marriage is the same way you should love and care for your spouse. This means trying to salvage the marriage through counseling and making an effort to rediscover the things that made you fall in love with them. It also calls for you to take some time to examine yourself and come to terms with your truth. When did you change? When did your soul disconnect from the person you vowed to love? Ask God to forgive you for allowing your marriage to disintegrate and ask Him for guidance.
If you feel like the marriage has come to an end, the best thing you can do for your family is humble yourself, and seek counseling together as a couple.  Continue to strive for a cordial relationship with your spouse in order to raise the children. It will give your children the chance to understand what it means to have a healthy relationship.

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Engaged Marriage Parenting

3 Biblical Earmarks of a Good Wife

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. (Proverbs 21:19 NIV)

I always had a bit of a problem with the phrase, “Happy wife, happy life.” It made me feel as if I could disrupt an entire place of solitude if I was unhappy. That my husband would forever have to walk on eggshells to ensure a peaceful home. Because heaven forbid I get upset; I would make life miserable for everyone in our household. Those are the thoughts I would get anytime I heard this phrase. It made me mad and yet confused. Is it true that the entire well being and happiness of my house depends on me? That if I get mad or upset everyone is doomed to suffer?

Well I decided to look at what God says… So I stumble across the verse above Proverbs 21:19. By the way, this isn’t the only verse like that. In Proverbs there are a few verses that state it’s better to live on the rooftop then share a house with a quarrelsome wife. I guess that is the equivalent to sleeping on the couch back in the day. Wow! So even the Bible warns about an unhappy nagging wife. But what does that mean for me? Am I never to have bad days or never argue my point?

WRONG! There’s only a handful of verses on the nagging wife part, however there’s a whole lot more on what a good wife is. And although many of us have looked at the Proverbs 31 woman as daunting and unrealistic, there is some great concepts on what a good wife is. Here are some of the things I’ve learned:

1. What she says is worthwhile and kindness is on her tongue. The key here is: Think about what you are going to say. Your words have impact and can bring life or death. Even if you are correcting your children or husband, watch your words. Notice it says the “law” of kindness. The Greek word for law here is Tworah meaning direction or instruction. She gives direction and instruction through kindness. Whether that means you have to take a breather to calm down from the situation or you have to speak softer without harsh words. You can give instruction and correction without belittling or tearing down.

2. She brings him good not harm all the days of her life. This goes hand in hand with the previous point. Your husband is counting on you to be a blessing to him. “But you don’t understand how he frustrates me!” Okay, maybe he does things that bug you or maybe there is a lack of things he doesn’t do. Whatever it may be, speak to the man who you want him to become. Treat him as though he is everything you could ever want in a husband. Do it even when he doesn’t deserve it. Because chances are, he gets frustrated with you too. Give grace and uplift him. Before you know it, the man you treat him as won’t be able to hide anymore. If you see the gold in him he will begin to believe it. If you say and treat him as the best husband in the world, he will begin to see himself like that. Do the same with your kids. See the gold in them and bring it out. 

3. And last, she laughs at the days to come. This indicates to me that all of her days are not easy. Yet she doesn’t let the circumstances determine her joy. She is filled with joy in all situations. Noticed I said joy, happiness can be circumstantial, but joy is a way of being. It is choosing to stay joyful even in frustrating or difficult situations. Sure there may be days that you cry, days that you shout, but at the end of it all you know that your joy runs deep. It runs deep with roots into the everlasting joy of knowing that you are a daughter of an incredible Father who loves you.

I think for me the saying “Happy wife, happy life” is totally true. However, I don’t depend on my husband or children to determine my happiness. I choose to stay joyful and happy in all things. Do I have my bad days, sure, we all do. But I know that my state of happiness is dependent on MY CHOICE to stay joyful. And yes I am a happy wife, therefore I choose to bring life to everyone around me. Be a Happy Wife, Bring Life. 

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Marriage Parenting

Living With The Inlaws

Last year my husband and I fell on some hard times and we were unable to upkeep our beautiful (cheap) apartment and take care of our little one. My mom so graciously offered to take us in which was a struggle for my husband and I. We were worried about what it could do to our marriage. As new parents, we also feared that we wouldn’t be able to raise our child the way we wanted to. Today, we are on big happy family considering this continued arrangement. Here’s how our marriage has survived almost a year of living with an in-law.

  1. Be clear about the boundaries in the home.

Although you want to be respectful to your parent/in-law, it’s important to be open and honest about what you expect the living arrangements to be even if you’re being helped. The last thing anyone would want is the family falling apart. Before you pack even one box, say “We absolutely appreciate the help but we still want our child to know who his/her parents are.” One of my biggest pet peeves is a child recognizing their grandparents as their parents when the actual parents are available to take care of their child. My husband and I make sure we not only do the basics but we are very present in her life. We don’t take advantage of the fact that my retired mother is in the home.

  1. Don’t Take Advantage of the Living Arrangements

As I mentioned in number one, mom and dad (in-laws) are not the live in nannies. Make sure you spend as much time with your child, doing the same things you would if you were on your own. After all, you brought the child into the world. The point of being in the home is to be able to provide the best for your child so try to be your best.
Contribute to the home. We all know moms love to cook and clean for their babies but that umbilical cord does not automatically reattach as soon as you go back home. Offer to cook once in a while. Take over the chore of cleaning and please, please do your own laundry!

  1. Communicate with your spouse.

If you are living with your in-law and you feel uncomfortable don’t be afraid to say so. Keeping that secret can be detrimental to your marriage and cause damage that may take years to repair. Sometimes your in-law may try to “help” by being intrusive and offering unwarranted advice. Not having an open, ongoing conversation about your feelings not only leaves your spouse in the dark but it leaves you in the dark. You are uncomfortable in the place you call home and unsure about the state of your marriage. Holding on to that can stop you from being your best.
If you are the one living with your parent and you feel like your spouse isn’t contributing enough, just tell them. Don’t be afraid to say, “I know this isn’t ideal but thank God we have a roof over our head. Let’s try to do our best to do as much as we can to show our appreciation.” Have a continued open conversation about your feelings about everything.

  1. Communicate with your parents.

You’re living with your parents so it’s safe to say that you have a good relationship with them. Talk to them whenever you feel like they are crossing the boundaries you previously set or any new lines that need to be drawn. Even though you’re grown, your parents still want the best for you. Be respectful and assure them that you appreciate everything that they’ve done but be straight forward.

  1. Don’t be afraid to be intimate!

You’re married, regardless of where you live! Being intimate is absolutely important for the survival of any marriage, more so if you’re in someone else’s home.