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Dating/Courting Engaged Finances Home Marriage Parenting

2 Things That Will Make Your Marriage Thrive

Do you know that the decisions you make today will affect your future as well as the future of your offspring? This does not just relate to married couples, but to the engaged and unmarried as well.  I am learning on a whole other level the power of prayer and planning! Prayer and planning has been key for me during this new season of marriage. Before I said I do, and even after I remember women from every age and background were telling me how essential prayer would be to my marriage and family. 

1. What should I pray about? 
Pray for your husband of course, but don’t stop there. Pray over your household’s finances, your job, extended family and your children whether born or unborn. God hears your prayers. He is a God who lives in the future! He loves talking about the future with you and enjoys the process in which you discover those plans through prayer and quiet time with Him. As you are faithful I’m praying, watch the temperature and presence of your home exude love, peace and joy! Yes. You have the ability to be a conduit in which God will use to bless your house now and the houses of your offspring.
2. What do I need to plan? 
It says In the word of God for us to write the vision and make it plain, so that whoever reads it may run with it and understand for it will be released at an appointed time. (Habakuk 2:2)  Planning and casting vision for your future as well as your family’s is something I believe every woman should partake in.  I’m learning that absolutely nothing is too big for God! Create a vision board, journal it or discuss with your spouse your plans and vision for the future and watch God bless you beyond your wildest dreams.
At the end of the day it is not about you. It’s about those who are before you and those who will follow after you. Pray over them now and cast vision over your life and the lives of your family. You have the power to change, rearrange and restore with your prayers, words and vision!

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Dating/Courting Engaged Single

4 Benefits To Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex

 

A popular pastor that I follow quotes that sex can be considered 3 things, “gross, god, or a gift.” I believe this to be very true in our day due to how sex is overrated outside of marriage and underrated within marriage.  It is gross to those that have been taught their entire life that sex is bad and will cause people to look at you differently.  For some it can be made a god if its not taught on biblically from God’s original intent.  But, it is God’s purpose for sex to be seen as a gift.  Sex is a gift to be shared with your spouse within the confines of marriage.   My wife and I by the grace of God were both virgins at the moment of saying, “I Do”, to one another on our wedding day.

Here are 4 benefits of waiting until marriage to have sex.

1. Keeps God at the center of your relationship
Honoring God in our relationship was my wife and I’s supreme goal and saying no to sex made that goal easily accomplishable. God is the inventor of marriage, which means you need Him in your marriage in order to have a healthy one.  The stages before you say “I Do’ are the most crucial for laying a solid foundation for your marriage.  Establishing a no sex boundary will keep you focused on the important aspects of a courting relationship.  Yes, the desire to have sex will come, but with God you will be able to have the strength to resist temptation.  Trusting God in your relationship will help you to make a confident decision when you feel that person may be the one you desire to marry.
 2. Learn how to talk it out before you walk it out
Communication has always been and will always be one of the key components of a healthy relationship.  My wife and I had a long distance relationship so majority of our time spent before marriage was over Skype or on the phone.  It was one of the hardest things I had ever done, but it was so worth it.  We really learned each other on so many levels, and when we did see one another the boundaries we had set in place kept us focused on enjoying one another communicatively versus physically.  Early sexual satisfaction in a relationship delays you from discovering key areas of the relationship such as ability to commit, compatibility, and agreement on future goals.
 3. Protects you from being attached before you say “I Do”.
There are only a few things that can attach you to someone for the rest of your life and two of those is a child together and sex. Children are a blessing from the Lord, but can also be a challenge to raise in hard circumstances.  Protect yourself from this by agreeing to wait until marriage to have sex. Another attachment that can form through sexual activity is a soul tie.  Sex was created by God to tie that couple together forever, but when done outside of marriage the same effect happens.  But, now it’s an illegitimate tie versus a covenantal tie.  Sex outside of marriage may feel good in that moment, but thats all you will be left with after that night is over.  If the relationship doesn’t work out, then breaking it off will be much easier if there hasn’t been a spiritual soul tie through sex.
 4. Incomparable sex within marriage.
You can guarantee that if you abstain from having sex during your courting stage that the value you place upon one another will last your entire life.  This value adds volumes to your sex life in marriage. Study shows that those that wait to have sex are happier in the long run. I do not look at my wife like a piece of meat, but a treasure worth being handled with tender care.  I proved that to her by denying my flesh, and leading the stand for our purity.  Our wedding night was the most beautiful encounter as we exchanged our gifts to another.  Our marriage was established on a sure foundation with God in the center of it all. Married people have the best sex!
 
Even if you have already had sex in a previous relationship that doesn’t disqualify you from making the decision to abstain until you are married.  If you are in a sexually active relationship now, but desire to change things then pray for God to give you wisdom as you approach your girl/boyfriend. I guarantee you it will be worth it in the end.

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Engaged Marriage

5 Things Satan Wants For Your Husband

After praying in the spirit, God has shown me 5 Things That LIFE (and Satan) wants to do to our Husbands:
1.     Drain his strength and make him weak spiritually.
2.     Seduce him into unsafe places.
3.     Work against God establishing Him financially, professional and spiritually.
4.     Distract him from his First Love- communion with Christ through excessive busyness   and doubt.
5.     Play against his confidence and capabilities by highlighting his weakness.

All Lies of the enemy!!! And for EVERY LIE THERE IS A TRUTH BUT YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO ACCESS TRUTH!!

WHAT DO I DO?
When you sense that this is going on with your spouse, allot time DAILY to PRAY in the Spirit for him.
WHY AM I DOING IT?
26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers[l<rmony with God’s own will. Romans 8:26-27 NLT
**The reason I strongly suggest praying in the spirit for him is because a lot of times when we notice something wrong with our spouses it affects us in a way that makes us unproductive.
“Praying in the spirit helps filter what is going on without taking it personally but taking personal responsibility for what we see”.
In other words, if you do not spend ample time praying BEYOND your understanding then your emotions will get in the way and cause you to sabotage your husband’s season of stretching (growth) and neglect your place.

ONE OF THE BIGGEST WEAKNESSES OF A LOT OF WOMEN IS OUR EMOTIONS.

“Praying in the spirit allows us to receive the reality of God beyond our weak emotions”.

I have made this mistake so many times in my life and it has left my husband even more confused and worried about what’s going on with ME and the chaos in his own life. After praying in the spirit God MOVED MY EMOTIONS OUT OF THE WAY so that I could SEE what season my husband was in more clearly and how I could HELP him accomplish what God was working in him through LIFE’S experiences.
LADIES, my prayer today is that we forsake our emotions and fight to see the bigger picture through PRAYER!!
Have eyes that SEE and ears that HEAR GOD for him.
Sincerely walking this out with you!
Love,
Kimberly Allen

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Dating/Courting Home

5 Things You Should Pursue When Single

A couple weeks back I was driving in West Monroe with the rumblings of my stomach crying out for food so I pulled into the Chick-Fil-A drive thru. My friend Mackenzie was with me and we started discussing how another Valentine’s Day had passed without a significant other and without hesitation I blurted out, “ I’m single, twenty-five and having a quarter life crisis while eating WAFFLE FRIES!” We both busted into an uncontrollable laughter at the thought of how silly this notion was and moved on with our afternoon.
Later the next week though the quote just kept weighing on my heart. “ I’m single, twenty-five and having a quarter life crisis while eating WAFFLE FRIES!” All the thoughts of my life began to rush in like when you were a kid who was plastered with the kickball in the face. The Oh my gosh what have I done with my life, resonated loudly in my brain. I had just turned 25 at the beginning of February, but it was almost like my waffle fry epiphany had finally hit home. I had literally lived a quarter of my life already. But I really wondered was God delighted with my 25 years of life I had lived? Did I do all I could for him? Was it enough? What could I have changed? Did I do all I really wanted to do?
Then a verse from Ecclesiastes 3:11 came to mind “ Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in heart’s of man, but even so, people can’t see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”
God has placed an eternal scheme to pursue the dreams, calling and plans in your heart for the rest of your life. Many singles feel left out of what marriage or a family brings to your life. Yes, it is a wonderful adventure all in its own, but an adventure awaits us all in our time of singleness. Don’t think you have to wait to be married to have them all.
God has greater waiting. Greater is the life altering understanding God is ready to accomplish a kind of greatness in your life that is entirely out of human reach. Basically God wants to do GREATER through you, for you and with you! The impossible and unexpected journey ahead, He so desperately wants to engage in your heart the potential for dreaming big, living life to the fullest and loving people exponentially in this season.
In turning 25, I wrote down 25 goals to celebrate living out my twenty-fifth year of life with joy, expectancy and understanding of my moment of singleness is for a greater role than I understand, because God has the whole scope of the journey worked out, our only requirement is to listen to His beckoning, not shrivel in our past of what not’s and didn’t do’s. But especially when the thoughts of the enemy can pounce in as fast as a kickball, our time in singleness has to be focused on the words and declarations of the King, not man, not self-pity or social standards of what we should be doing with our free time.  I encourage you women and men in the singlehood to write out pursuits for being in this season.  You’ll discover life isn’t in the waiting on the spouse but it’s in the waiting on the next adventure God is ready to take with us!  Here are five areas to make pursuits in during your single time, your quarter life crisis of doubt and remind you God speaks in mysterious ways, even waffle fries.

  1. Personal Spiritual Pursuits– Determine where you want to be in your relationship with Jesus, whether learning to memorize more scripture, reading plans, or adding more time to your pray life and studying of His word. Dig deeper. Get out of the comfort zone.
  2. Career or Education Pursuits– I own my own photography company and every year I put a mark on how many weddings I want to shoot. I want to push my talent God’s given to me more than I think I’m capable of, so think BIG in getting a new job or making your career more excellent in little ways
  3. Travel Pursuits– Get out and go on an adventure. Go to a place on your bucket list don’t wait. Go to Europe or hike to Machu Pichu. Even small goals drive on a road trip down Route 66 experience all the things God has created in this world to enjoy!
  4. Ministry Pursuits- Find something to pour your heart into, rather it be serving as a Big Brother or Sister, volunteering as a tutor or going on a mission’s trip overseas. Find a place to be light and shine hope.
  5. Miscellaneous Pursuits– This is hands down free range. Try out the impossible dreams here. Make pursuits you never thought you could accomplish. Run a marathon, read two books a month, gets published, learn a new skill, pay for someone’s Starbucks once a week. Discover the child like faith for believing in accomplishing the extraordinary with God in your singleness. He can do it!

Categories
Marriage

Learning Your Spouse's Language

I’m sure you’ve heard people say men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  Eh, I disagree.  Those are two completely different planets so in reality if men and women were from different planets the differences would be much greater than just communication.  If we were from different planets we probably couldn’t even reproduce.  It’s more like men are from New York and women are from LA or men are from England and women are from the US.  We’re all speaking English, we’re just speaking in different dialects.  Because the differences can be so vast, it may feel like two different languages.  The trick is to embrace each other’s dialect and resist any urge to classify any of the differences as deficiencies.  Both approaches to the expression of English are equally valid and neither should be altered.  They should be allowed to stay in their purest form.
For instance, if a husband recognizes that his wife requires much more detail than he would normally share he should be patient in learning how to do so.  While if a wife recognizes that her husband’s needs short, bottom line information, she should also be patient in learning to do so.  Of course these are stereotypical examples and your situation could be different so be sure to tailor your approach to your spouse’s needs.
While studying abroad in Mexico I learned a strategy that may prove to be very effective in learning a new language.  I had a friend who was trying to learn English while I was trying to learn Spanish.  I would speak to them in Spanish and they would respond in English to see if we understood each other.  We would then switch languages in order to ensure that we could hear and speak each language properly.  This is how to approach learning to communicate with your spouse.  I’ve been learning to speak “Melissa” this way for seven years.
Just this past Valentines I had an opportunity to practice my “Melissa”.    It was Melissa’s turn to plan our Valentines and typically the activity planned is the gift to both of us, but I decided I would still give Melissa a gift.   I know Melissa loves candy so I decided to get a gift bag and put a bunch of candy in it and I would also drive around town and “collect” some flowers from the apartment complexes in our area since flowers were not in the budget.  I went to the store and purchased the gift bag and the candy.  I decided it would be cool to take all of the candy out of the wrappers and dump them into the bag. This way Melissa could just sit back and enjoy the candy without having to wrestle with the wrappers (I am so considerate).  Now it was time to drive around and collect some flowers, but I couldn’t do it.  The Holy Spirit wouldn’t let me.  Besides, I’d be embarrassed if I was on the news involved in a high-speed chase over some stolen flowers.
I surprised Melissa with the bag of candy and she loved it.  Now It was time to explain to her the story behind the bag of candy. I had two choices, I could speak to her in “Joel” or speak to her in “Melissa”.  If I spoke to her in Joel I would say, “I bought you some candy because you like candy and I was going to give you some flowers but that didn’t work out.”  That would be too easy and I’d just be being lazy if I did that.  So of course I chose to speak in “Melissa”.  I gave her a very detailed version of the story and she loved every detail.  She loved the idea that I took the candy out of the wrapper just for her and she was relieved that I didn’t collect any flowers, but she thought the gesture was nice.
Melissa and I are not yet fluent in each other’s languages.  We often regress to our native tongues.  Every time we choose to speak in our second tongue it’s exciting and it draws us closer to each other.  We find ourselves and each other in the translation.  I leave you with this quote from Johann Wolfgang von Goeth “Those who know nothing of foreign languages know nothing of their own.”

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Parenting Physical Intimacy

Ask Dr. Faith |5 Steps to Overcoming Betrayal

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home

How Close Is To Close?

As a single man, I sometimes wrestle with the the thought of being close to a woman. I mean really how close is to close? I want to be close but at the same time I want to be pure. I definitely do not want to open up doors before they should be open or even open up a door that was never meant to be open. For me this is difficult because I am naturally friendly and enjoy being around people.
So I pose this question, how close is to close???
Now I could sit here all day long and write out a whole lot of do’s and dont’s and give you all the guidelines and boundaries but the reality is when there are rules in place, we usually find ways around them or even to break them. I can say all day long do not kiss a girl while you are single but that would probably make you want to do it more. It’s always the forbidden fruit that we desire the most.
I joke often about a defense mechanism that I once heard somebody say. If a girl gets close enough to kiss me, I’m just going to punch her. It would kill the mood, the vibe, and the moment. Before you throw any stones, I am just kidding. However, when I think about somebody being that close to me, I think about what happened for them to get to that place. As well as what did I do to make them feel comfortable enough to do something of the sort.
Here is a real situation. I was planning on going to a bible study one night. Earlier in the day I had a meeting with a female friend of mine to discuss some ministry events. After the meeting I simply invited her to the Bible study. She politely asked if she could ride with me to the Bible study. Since I didn’t really see an issue with it, I agreed.
That night as we were on our way to the bible study, we were having regular conversations (nothing inappropriate) when suddenly, I got this feeling. It was a feeling of conviction. As I thought to myself why do I feel this way. The thought that came immediately after was WHO ARE YOU ACCOUNTABLE TO? I knew right at that moment that I was too close. Maybe not too close to a person but to close to temptation.
Close is not about the physical boundaries because you can set rules and regulations all day for that. Too close is simply being in a place where you are not held accountable for your actions. that night I realized that I jeopardized my purity. I put to much trust in my own flesh.

James 1: 14-15NLT says “temptation comes from our own desires which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow it gives birth to death.”

How close is too close? Too close is the moment you stop being accountable to someone stronger than you are and trust your flesh more than you trust accountability.

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Engaged Marriage

The Other Side Of "I Do"

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Home

5 Questions To Ask Yourself While Waiting For Your Spouse

Let’s define the word “wait”.
Merriam-Webster.com defines it as, “: to stay in a place until an expected event happens, until someone arrives, until it is your turn to do something, etc.: to not do something until something else happens: to remain in a state in which you expect or hope that something will happen soon”.
 
The first picture that comes to mind of someone waiting for marriage is a scene of an individual at a bus stop with bags filled with expectations, hopes and desires to be fulfilled by someone else. The perception of marriage can sometimes take the form in an individual’s mind that life starts when I say “I Do”.  I would like to suggest for you to get off the bus stop, unpack your bags and to get in a car to begin the journey on the road of life.
While waiting, there are some parameters that the Bible states that we should stay within. They are not rules to control you but to keep your heart safe from strife and confusion. 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20 talks about fleeing fornication and that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit and that we are not our own. Our body is not to be given to someone or something that does not glorify God; it does not belong to us. Giving it to someone else outside the confines of marriage really defines us as thief and stealing something that does not belong to us in the first place.
 
If you are a virgin, remain until you are married. It is a gift that your future mate will honor and cherish. If you are having sex, there is no condemnation but stop. Find accountability partners that will encourage you to walk in holiness and provide strategies to help you to remain pure.
1 Thess 4:3-5; Rom 6:11-14; Eph 5:3
Marriage is a beautiful union between one man and one woman created by God for the purpose of serving each other. In order to do this well, a solidification of one’s identity in Christ prior to entering in to the life-long commitment is needed. The season of being unmarried is not at all a time to be stagnant and sitting at home watching love stories on Lifetime, but is a short window of opportunity for you to develop and prepare ourselves for our spouse.
Ask yourself these 5 questions:
1. Who am I? It would be a little awkward to sit in front of someone that you are potentially interested in and unable to answer this question. Pray and ask God for definition. Exploration of who you are is not an overnight process and evolves over time.
2. In what ways can I serve others? Working in your local church or volunteering your abilities to the service of others not only builds character but helps you understand how to connect with people.
3. What do my finances look like? How you spend money is a direct reflection of the ability to prepare. Take some finance seminars, learn about investments, have an emergency fund; some may even be able to buy a house and an investment property.
4. Who are my friends? True friendships among men and women during the unmarried season are there to make you stronger and encourage you in your walk with the Lord.
5. What activities do I like to do? What hobbies do I have? Where would I like to travel? Once defined, do them. There is a level of freedom that can be experienced during the unmarried season that you can not only dream about but can also achieve.
 
Being unmarried is a season of discovery and joy to establish friendships and trying new things. An opportunity to build your character and to allow the Holy Spirit to shape you in to a vessel that is clean and able to be used for the advancement of the Kingdom. It is a short segment of life that may feel like forever while you are in it, but remember marriage is a lifetime. So my friends, don’t just stand there… get moving and wait until the expected end happens.
INS
mage courtesy of Chaiwat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Marriage Physical Intimacy

Sex, Who's Really In Control?

It’s no secret that under God’s law, sex is only permissible between a married man and woman. This we all know. However, how do we please each other during this sanctimonious act? How can the husband be satisfied? How can the wife be satisfied? Can both be satisfied at the same time? The answer is actually nuanced within 1 Corinthians 7:3-4. In verse 3, Paul calls it a “right”…an undeniable benefit of the marriage union. The spouse has the right under God’s eyes to sexually enjoy their mate. Again we know this, oh but what’s hidden in verse 4 is often overlooked.
“For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” – ESV
When reading this passage we often key in on the authority that our spouse doesn’t have instead of focusing on the authority that they, and we, DO have.  Moreover, we miss how that authority is directly connected to the desire…the sexual craving we should have for our spouse. God created us to be in harmony. Each spouse is a note during the song of life and together a beautiful melody can be made…especially in the bedroom, or wherever you like to worship. Sex is worship, but that’s a post for another time. We don’t have authority over our own bodies because we should SEEK TO SATISFY OUR SPOUSE!!! That is the authority under which our sex life should lie. Fellas, the thoughts of “I’m gonna get mine” from your single, fornicating days have no place in your marriage. Ladies, using your precious gift to manipulate your husband likewise is not permissible. Both are just plain selfish and can diminish the value of this precious gift of intimacy that God reserved for you and your spouse.
Sister, you should long to sexually satisfy your husband; brother, you should have an insatiable desire to sexually satisfy your wife. Under this authority, you should always be careful to consider the sexual needs of your spouse. If you’re operating within this authority, while seeking to understand each other sexually, the marriage bed can remain “undefiled”. Your bed will be honorable because you long to sexually please your spouse, and that yearning has fueled open communication about likes and dislikes so that you can meet each other’s needs. It is at this point that taking offense when coached to do something differently will be minimized. Wanting to try different things will be ok. Why…because the changes or new experiences are the desires of your spouse and your goal is to place your spouse in God-honored sexual ecstasy that is covered by the Holy union of your marriage. You know two becoming one flesh –in all ways, including sexually!!!
Now, I understand that life will happen. Kids will come. Careers will be hectic and stressful, illness, etc. Those are facts of life that we have to deal with and they may affect thefrequency, but they shouldnever affect the intimacytied to the need to please your spouse sexually. Once you can honestly say that you want to satisfy your spouse the way they want to be satisfied, you will then have moved from having sex to genuinely making love!

Before we can fulfill our own sexual desire, we must first want to fulfill theirs!

 
mage courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net