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Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage

Submission: Emotionally Naked

From the Desk of the Modern Day Cindi: Inspired by the vulnerability of my husband and the safety and trust he finds in me as his wife the following words change EVERYTHING!
“Laying in her lap conveying my fears and pain, trusting her with the most emotionally naked parts of me.”
Emotionally Naked………WOW! When I first read it, I was speechless, honored, and humbled.  That one sentence, said so much with just a few words.  What I inferred and what was implied is undoubtedly the key that unlocks so many doors in my heart, especially my ability to give to him- equally vulnerable, emotionally naked, and SUBMISSIVE.
Now it would be totally improper to discuss marriage and not quickly stroll down the valley of that highly misinterpreted, fearfully misunderstood and consistently misapplied subject of SUBMISSION. Submission has turned into a foul word. Wives are taught that they must do it and husbands are taught to expect it, neither of which are untrue or errant (Ephesians 5:22). However, some women have been berated with it which has fostered fear and disdain and some men have used it as a battle axe and possibly a guilt mechanism.  The issue carries so much weight that many have ran from the potential of a healthy marriage because of this stigma.
Submission was ordained! It should be a pillar of, and a bridge to, fruitful marriages giving deference to the hierarchy within the covenant of husband and wife.  In some instances, what was purposed to create a path to freedom and trust, has equaled emotional confinement;  what was designed to build homes has unintentionally broken them; and what was created to belt out harmony under God, has now hit mute notes and fell on deaf ears.  Oooh Submission! I would classify it as a hurdle-not an impossible feat- that requires strengthening, flexibility, training, fearlessness and trust in the process. Submission is not slavery nor should it leave anyone voiceless,  but because so much has been given away prematurely before marriage and wagered in matters of the heart before covenant is entered, some, if not all of our ability to operate in faith and total obedience to God’s plan is stifled and even lost. So how can women reach peace in submission and how can men partner to support God’s plan? My answer: There has to be Equality in vulnerability e.g. emotional nakedness.
Many women say that they want to be loved so hard that it makes them submit, in other words the love is so apparent that the negative stigma of submission is neither present nor relevant.
In Ephesians 5:21-28 (The Message) Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing…25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty.
Submission should not be dreaded or hated… it should be welcomed as not a loss of control, but an opportunity that creates anew, it is not about bowing to a person but yielding control to the Lord  as your leader. It is in this willing service, that your heart and mind are at peace which permits the barriers to vulnerability to come down allowing you to be “Emotionally Naked.”

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Parenting

How Should a Man Really Provide?

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Tear Up Your Wishlist: The Two Things You Should Look For in a Potential Spouse

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Marriage

Wives, You Cannot Do Bad All By Yourself

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

6 Things I've Learned from 6 Months of Marriage

Recently my wife and I celebrated 6 months of marriage! It feels like we were just honeymooning yesterday! We don’t have the marriage thing down completely, but we have learned a couple things. Here’s 6 of my favorites that I’ve learned in the first six months:
 
 
1. My wife is the best.
She really is. She’s my cheerleader, my partner, and best friend. She’s there when no one else is and thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. And we’ll leave it that way for now.
 
2. We don’t fight.
We really don’t. There’s nothing too big worth fighting for. I don’t demand anything be my-way-or-the-highway and Julie is the same way. If either of us find something worth fighting about, we stop and think, is this worth bringing up and ending in a possible quarrel? It’s probably not.
 
3. It isn’t 50/50 it’s 100/100.
I never look at Julie and say, “If I give this 50%, you have to give that 50%.” There is no giving only when the other one gives. I give no matter what she does. She gives no matter what I do. What happens when two people both give freely? Marriage ends up being 100/100. We freely give to each other, expecting nothing in return and no strings attached.
 
4. It’s a constant party.
There’s is NOTHING worth living in a constant pity party over! Life might deal you a tough hand of cards, but guess what? You still have cards. You could have none. There have been things that happened to me that I could be bitter over but it’s not worth it. Our marriage is a constant party that no one can crash!
 
5. Life is better together.
Single life was great. It really was. But marriage is even better. Yes, times will get tough, but I’d rather face it together than face it alone. I look at Julie as my helpmate, not my opposition. But most of the time, marriage is GREAT. So she’s there to party with me. TWO is better than ONE.
 
6. Marriage is easier than what people told me it would be.
Many people told me the things we’d fight over, the areas that would be tough, the challenges we would have to overcome. Honestly, we haven’t experienced them at all. Have they come up? Sure. But never have they been something we saw as a “challenge” or problem. Marriage is what you make of it, and we’ve made it great!

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Destiny Dating: The Real Meaning Behind the Right One

With much interest and recent attention being paid to the subject of dating, courting and marriage amongst Christians, I find that this heightened interest is bringing both good and bad to the overall discussion. Among the good, people are becoming more interested in honoring God through relationships, loving biblically and planning family. Some of the bad however is the attempts by many well meaning Christians to “Simplify” the subject and content all together.
While appealing to the common person, the attempt to simplify dating and marriage also brings to forefront certain inevitable expenses that most would regret while in the journey of matrimony. It’s quite comical that people think that you can simplify, reduce or approach a subject that involves the eternal joining of two very complex lives. To be clear, every human being on the planet , has their individual complexities. They have certain strengths, weaknesses, tendencies and perspectives that may be ironic, contradictory or even polar for some. The point is, no matter what contemporary spin we apply towards the ancient phenomena of marriage, it will always be a complex issue that should involve very deliberate and very careful processes that lead to its beginning and justify its right to be!
 
This writing is about what I believe to be a biblically accurate model for Dating and Marriage. Its truths are applicable to both those pursuing marriage and those already married. To begin, I want to apply some pressure to God’s ideas with the first marriage.
 

Genesis 2 : 18 NIV “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”

God’s idea, was that the Mate role and function, should be SUITABLE. To be suitable means to Fit, To Match, To Complete or To Compliment. When we consider those ideas, especially in a romantic scenario we often prioritize COMPATIBLITY over SUITABILITY. God clearly, is not interested in compability or things in common per se, as He is another persons life design and purpose, matching yours. For this reason, it is very important to be clear about what God has designed you to be and do, with detail, before you involve someone else in the ambiguity of your life.
Destiny, is a term that we use to describe God’s ideas, plans and highest goals for your existence. Destiny, is the reason you have a Birthday, Destiny is the reason why you constantly escape death.  When we view our dating interests our spousal prospects through this lens, it really does refine our selection.  Our eternal covenant with another human being has to go far beyond, “What’s your favorite color? or What do you like?” or merely “Are you available?” It should include, How does my life’s purpose coincide with or compliment or amplify yours? A suitable mate is not a simple find. A compatible one is. A simple ad on a website or a casual blind date, will supply you with a compatible prospect. But finding the right FIT for you purpose, is how you will guarantee (even with inevitable struggles and challenges) your FUTURE security.
As believers, God never wants us to meet an immediate need for companionship and compromise our FUTURE fulfillment. The answer to this is patience, wisdom and gainful insight about what God wants OUT of your life. Think to yourself, “What did God intend for my life to accomplish? The answer to that is the BEST matchmaker.  If you’re a person that knows very little about your self, you may not be the right candidate to date at the moment. You cant realistically even articulate what you bring to the table.  As you acquaint yourself with your lifes assignment, you will now have parameters for what you and your purpose NEEDS in a mate.
Think about it, God pulling a rib from Adam was a quick process, but was not “simple” to any degree. It was quite complex. Considering your life, value systems, passions, giftings, callings, potential and purpose, will prevent any spirit filled believer from a casual attitude on dating. To those serious about fulfilling God’s design, DESTINY is the core of the dating experiment. Loneliness, a need for company or age is not enough. We need God’s heart on who we’ve been called to be. That information will level the playing field, eliminate certain prospects and highlight those that are worth your effort.
Oh yea, to the married, get to know your SPOUSES purpose and devote energy to it. Many of you may be thinking “It doesn’t take all that” but In marriage, the highest covenant of two individual human beings, it takes ALL THAT and a little more. This will provide a more complete, fulfilling and powerful marriage. To know what God was thinking about your spouse when they were born, is one of the highest forms of intimacy you can have! Also, makes for a great sex life!
 

Let DESTINY do your dating!

 
In Him,
Dr. Matthew Stevenson

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Engaged Finances Marriage Parenting

When the Favor God Promised in Marriage is Tested

As I was spending time with God a few weeks ago, I was lead to write in my journal.  When I began to write I hear the Holy Spirit say that the next 3 months would be very pivotal months of our marriage because God is preparing us for greater level of exposure and increase.  Yes, I got very excited at the thought of productivity and more opportunities, but not at all did I consider what needed to happen in order to make us ready for it.  I sit down with Natasha and discuss with her what I believe God had spoken to me.  She agreed for us to begin to prepare every area of our life for increase, which includes: time management, finances, relationship with Jesus, and relationships with others.
 
As we moved into the month of February, a domino effect of events began to occur from my car breaking down costing us $700.00 to fix, which thank God we had a emergency fund to cover that.  Then, the next week I get a call regarding a financial situation that hadn’t been taken care of that now was costing us over $1,500.00.  At this moment I was like, “Really God?”  As a husband, I stand on Proverbs 18:22 which states, “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord”. I know many quote this, but I stand on it as a promise from God.  Well, that verse had me scratching my head saying, “Where’s that favor at?”
 
Marriage is under attack in the body of Christ for a reason, and I believe its because the enemy knows the greatest display of the work and love of Christ towards His people is found in a God centered marriage! God desires to bless those who enter into this covenant, which we agree that anything God puts favor upon, testing will follow.  We had to adjust our spending drastically to make up for the set back. This caused Natasha and I to turn to God to get His perspective, as we knew these situations were testing our faith in God’s ability to turn this thing for His good.  As we set our hearts to trust Him during this trial God has strengthen our dependency on Him.   Our times of prayer together has erupted something within us towards one another causing a recommitment to love one another no matter the circumstance.
 
I want to encourage you whether you are a husband or wife in the middle of a moment where you don’t understand why it’s happening, but you trust God to turn it for your good. Do not be dismayed and allow this season to discourage you ultimately affecting you, your spouse, and your family. Be strong in the Lord and declare His goodness is better than any earthly trial or gain. As we go through we are praying for YOU to make it through with us.
trials < Jesus

 Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Physical Intimacy

Ask Dr. Faith |8 Spiritual Red Flags To Look For In A Relationship

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Physical Intimacy

5 Quick Ways to Jumpstart to a Healthy Lifestyle

Many times I paid to write articles hear people say, ” I can’t afford to buy whole/organic foods” or “I don’t have enough time to work out and get fit/healthy.”

I know in this part of the Western World, eating unhealthy foods and skipping the gym is so much easier and convenient, but I promise you: the hospital bills, the medicine script, the exhausted and overworked body and ultimately the sickness is WAY more expensive than taking steps to living in wholeness NOW.

Here’s a great way to start:

1.

Recruit help!

Bring a friend in on your choice to live healthy and stay accountable!

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It’s so much easier and way more fun to do it with someone else.

 

2. Get educated!

Watch a documentary: Food Matters, Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead, or Forks over Knives are great Netflix movies!

 

3. Make some changes!

Cut something out (soda, fast food, eating late) and replace it with something else (water, home-cooked meal, veggie snack).

 

4. Discipline your body!

Sign up to the gym, a cross fit class, a home workout routine, running, biking… whatever! Do something that will burn fat, release endorphins and make you feel good about yourself!

 

5. Love yourself:

Value your body enough to give it what it needs to work properly! This is going to make you a healthy, happy you! You are worth the investment! Don’t just settle for what McDonalds offers you! Your body needs nutrients! So give it what it needs to be healthy!

Categories
Dating/Courting Home

3 Things Single Men Need to Get

Whether you’re in your 20’s or 30’s…the concept of marriage is all around you and staring you right in the face. But there are some very important keys that we need to be mindful of when on the brink of, frankly, the most important decision you’ll ever make outside of your commitment to Jesus Christ. And rather than take you through all of the things you “should look for” in the opposite sex…(Because I have yet to lay hold to the promise myself)…I believe it would be more beneficial for us to discuss the stuff that helps us become  SUCCESSFUL Unmarried Men while on our Journey to Marriage.
1. Get Committed – Unmarried Doesn’t Mean Uncommitted!
Oftentimes, when people find out that I’m 29 years old and Unmarried, they attribute my singleness to the fact that I must be either Scared or Fearful of Commitment. However, this is not the case! Jesus teaches us that Commitment is a CHIEF principle of the Kingdom in Matthew 22:37 when he says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is a RELATIONAL commitment to God that requires EVERYTHING of you. Your Heart, Mind and Soul represent the innermost parts of yourself being devoted to God. But another type of commitment is addressed in Luke 14:27 which says,  “Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.”In other words, each man has a responsibility to ‘bear his own cross’ as a LIFESTYLE in order that we may prove to be worthy disciples.From this, we understand that Commitment stems from Responsibility and that Commitment isn’t only Relationship oriented but LIFESTYLE oriented. I know that you’re not married yet and probably submitting your applications to be the next “BACHELOR”, but you can’t skip over the principle that a Man with no Commitment, isn’t a Man of the Kingdom. Push yourself to have a Positive daily regiment or routine that you are FULLY and CONSISTENTLY Committed to. Whether it be Bible Readings, The Gym, or Mentorship…develop and maintain it to the best of your ability.
The truth is, My commitment to Christ and the things of God are what has kept me from venturing into relationships that were unhealthy for me and that same commitment will ultimately lead me into the proper relationship that God has ordained for my life. Unmarried doesn’t mean Uncommitted!
2. Get Educated – Unmarried doesn’t mean Uneducated!
One of the healthiest things an Unmarried Man can do, is hang around Married men. If you want to remain single, keep hanging around single men…why?…because you Become what you Behold. I understand you have your ‘boys’ and your single male friends that you chill with and that’s all well and good. But if you remain in an environment and a mindset of Singleness, you will never understand what it takes to be Married. If I’m Broke, the LAST thing I want to do is hang around other Broke people! I need to add someone to my life who can help me become who I want to become. A dear Pastor friend of mine by the name of Steven Sexton said this to me recently, “You’ve spent your ENTIRE LIFE being a Single man, but very little of what you’ve learned will be taken into the Next stage of your life because it is altogether ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.”  Every unmarried man needs a Married brother in their life who they can approach with the vital questions that will help educate them on the next step. The more Educated you feel about something, the more prepared you are; And the more prepared you are, the more comfortable you become! Unmarried doesn’t mean Uneducated!
3.  Get Happy – Unmarried Doesn’t Mean Unhappy!
Oftentimes, we encourage our Youth with words of wisdom such as, “Don’t grow up to fast!” However, when it comes to our own lives as Young Adults we are pressured into moving quickly into Marriage relationships…ESPECIALLY IN THE CHURCH! And when we see many of our peers finding their spouses, we can become discouraged, jealous, and even fearful of if we will be able to share in the same experience one day. I’ve come find out that your “Singleness” is a GIFT from God that can be used strategically to impact the Kingdom. But you will miss out on this impact if you are misguided by the pressures of the culture around us. Psychology Today produced an article entitled, “6 Reasons You Should Spend More Time Alone”. I usually don’t cosign a lot of secular methodology, but this is a really good read. It is scientifically proven that Solitude can do everything from Increasing Concentration to Enhancing The Quality of Relationships. As a matter of fact, Jesus found several moments to slip away from crowds and even His disciples to get alone with Himself and the Father. And Matthew 6:6 reiterates this when it says, “But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in Secret will reward you.” This is because who you Really are isn’t as much who you portray in public, as it is who you find behind closed doors. Most people discover more rewarding lives when they can approach life from a place of fully understanding themselves and their purpose.
Spend some time alone seeking the Lord on the kind of man that He desires you to be and the purposes He’s designed for you to complete. I can honestly say that in my own life, I have found the GREATEST REWARD to be walking wholly in the will of God. There is a sense of Satisfaction, Contentment and Unspeakable JOY that is reserved for those who are found in Christ…YOU ARE LOVED! Unmarried doesn’t mean Unhappy!
Currently Playing: “Happy” by Pharrell<