Month: August 2015

Categories
Communication Engaged Marriage

6 Characteristics of Bad Communication That Can Lead to Divorce

Arguing is already hard enough on a couple, let alone all the unhealthy patterns and characteristics in arguments that I have seen and witnessed  that make it  even harder. As a matter of fact, researcher John Gottman has identified 6 characteristics, that if not dealt with, often lead to divorce. Here are some of those characteristics:
 
1. Harsh Start ups– If you start the conversation or the conflict harshly, it will end harshly. When couples use a lot of criticism, accusations and even sarcasm in their conflicts, it can lead to the conflict becoming overblown and  more complicated than it should have been.
 
2. Flooding- This is when you come “at” your spouse with harsh criticism, yelling or even issues that they had believed were taken care of in the past. When you flood your spouse with all sorts of emotions all at once, it can be hard for them to process, communicate and understand what you need.
 
3. Body Language- When there is a lot of emotions involved, people tend to become defensive or tend to withdraw. The body posture someone exemplifies communicates whether or not they want to continue to be engaged in the conversation or not. Unresponsive, defensive or nonchalant body language tends to make the other person more upset, heightening the conflict.
 
4. Bad memories- When couples can not get over past issues, they tend to view their spouse and their relationship through a negative lens. Those lenses impact our response, and even our engagement in the relationship. It is important to remove any negative lenses and learn how to see your spouse in a new light after difficult seasons.
 
5. Stonewalling- Stonewalling is refusing to repair an issue in the relationship. If a couple is constantly unable to resolve an issue, it can cause hopeless, withdrawal, and can ultimately lead to separation.
 
6. The four horsemen.  Gottman identifies four characteristics that if the occur continuously and in conjunction with one another in a relationship can ultimately lead to the couple disintegrating. The four characteristics are contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling. These are things we must work to remove from our relationships.
 
Yes, we all have flaws and faults and are not perfect when it comes to interacting in a relationship. However, these 6 characteristics should be something we constantly attempt to avoid and remove altogether from the way we communicate in order to avoid the destruction of trust and a healthy relationship. Learning to healthily and respectfully interact with your spouse can truly save your marriage and make it unbreakable.

Categories
Marriage Physical Intimacy

4 Things Your Husband Really Wants in the Bedroom

 
I want to begin this article off with a bible verse to help lay a foundation…’
1 Corinthians 7:4, “The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.”
Sex within marriage is a GIFT from God! Unfortunately, the enemy has taken this gift and distorted it.
In today’s world ladies there are so many things vying for your husbands attention. In no way did God create you to ever have to compete with a woman on a computer screen, the actresses on TV, or models in magazines.
But, the reality is that the access to pornographic material and the exposure of women’s bodies today is becoming more and more of a problem than ever before.
This is why God said in 1 Corinthians 7:9 that is much better to marry than burn with lust.
I know you may get tired of your husband asking for sex, but PLEASE hear me when I say this…that is a GOOD sign! If you’re husband is asking you for sex, then that means he is running to you to meet his needs rather than something or someone else.
This should make you happy, not upset!
Sex is the greatest opportunity to serve your spouse in a selfless way, and the same for your spouse to do for you.
Men and women may see sex completely different, but that’s the beauty of how God designed us in order for us to WORK AT becoming one in our mind and bodies.
I want to help you by sharing with you the 5 Things Your Husband Really Wants in the Bedroom:
 
1. He Wants You to be Open to Try New Things
Now, I am a firm believer that you should never do anything in the bedroom that one person doesn’t agree with. It doesn’t matter what it is. The marriage bed is a place of unification, not pressure to perform. At that same token, a lot of times its easy for us to stay in a box and not be open to trying new things that could very well spice things up.
One thing me and my wife did that helped us change the norm in our sex life was changed our locations in the house that we had sex. Your husband wants you to be open to try new things, or at least open to discuss it.
 
2. He Wants You to Let Him Pleasure You
There is nothing better for your husband than knowing you are being pleased by him. This is one of the greatest man moments for your husband, so you not only should let him pleasure you, but also tell him when he is doing a good job. Verbal communication is huge for men so they know how they are doing.
For some women that have come from abusive relationships or a hurtful past, it can be challenging to allow yourself be fully loved by your husband. You have to let him in and trust him as your best friend, lover, and confidant. This can take time, but your husband is God’s gift to you to help you through this process.
One of the great scriptures that highlights God’s desire for men to enjoy their wives body is found in Proverbs 5:18, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you ALWAYS be captivated by her love.”
 
3. He Wants You to Desire Him
Men want to be desired just as much as you want to be loved. This is a huge part of having a healthy sex life before you get to the bedroom. The build up phase to a great time of intimacy is built up by little signs of desire.
Just how you desire the text messages, help around the house, and special date nights alone which all communicate to you that your husband desires you, your husband desires the same. For him its more communicated through flirting through physical touch at random moments, putting on that outfit that makes him look twice when you wear it, or just letting him know how much he rocks your world.
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4. He Wants You to Want It Too
Your husband wants you to want to have sex as well.   I know it is much harder for a woman to experience an orgasm than a man, but this is why it requires teamwork.
Communicate to your husband what you like or desire so you can make your times of intimacy just as pleasing for you as it is for him. Your husband wants you to be their desiring the sex just as much as he does.
 
God’s word is clear that sex is the tool to bring two people closer together than any other force on Earth. This is not done without work, investment, time, patience, and a lot of love!
Be committed to serve your spouse no matter the cost, and I guarantee when you both are embracing that mentality then your times of intimacy will be the most desired times of your day.
We believe strongly that your marriage requires intentional investing in order for it for it to stay healthy and to weather the many storms you and your spouse will face! This is why we created this amazing tool called Sex Without Sheets, which is a 10 Session Set taught by the Nation’s leading Marriage and Relationship Experts to help you and your spouse start having the best sex life now!
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Categories
Engaged Marriage

Before You Walk Down the Aisle: 5 Tips for the Bride-to-be

 
Guest Writer: Amanda Beckham
 
As you approach your wedding day, you will get lots of advice – whether it is about the actual day, or how to keep a healthy marriage. Below is a compilation of the best advice I received or wish I would have, as I prepared for what was ahead of me.
To my friend, the bride:
 
1. Make each other a priority. As you enter into this new season, you are going to learn a lot – about yourself, about your spouse, and how you will work together in your marriage. Your first year of marriage is said to be the most important, as it is the laying of a foundation for how you will continue to move together. Know that after you say, “I do,” comes a lot of changes in your friendships and relationships. I want to challenge you to evaluate who you are going to for support -make your spouse number one in your life. Allow him to be your go-to for the issues or frustrations in your life. He needs to know that you respect his opinion and trust him to speak into areas where you sought outside counsel before.
 
 
2. Communication is key. A phrase that is often overused as advice going into marriage. So often this is spoken, but most don’t offer suggestions on how to improve it.  Remember: men are not mind-readers! Here are a couple strategies that we have found useful in our marriage.
1. Check in with your spouse on a regular basis. Understand that most men are not natural communicators and need a little encouragement to open up and really talk about their day or what is bothering them. My husband and I put aside time every Sunday night to talk about the previous week and if there is anything we can do to better serve the other or love them better. We also use this as a time to talk about anything that has been bothering us. Knowing that we have a dedicated time each week allows for open communication and a safe time to bring up something up to avoid things creating bitterness or wedges between the two of us.
2. If something is bothering you, don’t keep it in. Withholding how you feel about a situation tends to lead up to bottled emotions, often turning it into something bigger than it was meant to be. Sharing with your spouse where you are at may offer a new perspective or a new affirmation that you are not the only one feeling that way. It allows you to be honest with your spouse and creates room for growth.
3. Let him know your expectations. Whether it is housework, budgeting, chores, dinner, pr how you manage your household – it is not fair for you to get upset with your spouse if you don’t let him know how you need his support. Women are planners! Many times men don’t realize that you need help, or it isn’t second nature to them to step up and ask if they can help you with something. If you need help, just let them know! You will find this provides better results and prevents pointless arguments that spawn out of frustration.
4. If you like something in the bedroom, you have to let him know! Figuring out your sex life may take a little work, and may not come as natural as you think. Let me tell you, this is perfectly normal! It is not rocket science to figure out that for the most part, men get more pleasure from sex than women. In order to improve the experience for the both of you, I want to encourage you to talk to your spouse about the things you like/don’t like, and if you are bored with what you are doing, switch it up! A fulfilling sex life is going to take work, and you only get out of it what you put in!
 
 
3. Dream with your spouse; give your marriage purpose. At the base of your marriage, remember why the two of you came together in the first place and what you stand for. If you do not have vision for your marriage, the two of you will struggle to find definition of your future together. Make goals, talk about your dreams, decide what you want to accomplish together. It will give you a plan for where you want to go.
 
 
4. Manage conflict in a healthy way. As women, we all know it is way easier to be dramatic and expect our husbands to be the one come in and apologize in the situation. Chances are, you and your spouse communicate differently when it comes to conflict. Discuss with your husband how each of you prefer to manage conflict, and develop a way you can compromise and meet in the middle. My husband likes to talk things out on the spot, and I like to leave the room and think about how I want to respond. A compromise for us has been to set a time when we will talk about a resolution for our argument and to come back together and discuss what happened. This has given me the chance to think about what I want to say, and him a guarantee that I will be the one to address the situation at a specified time since I was the one who chose to walk away from the situation at the time.
Just know – it is NOT worth drawing out a fight simply for the sake of being right. Don’t go to bed angry, it’s not worth it. And never call each other bad names or talk poorly about each other – specifically to your friends and family. This paints a tainted picture of your spouse to the closest people around you and involves other people in your mishaps that are not their business. Keep your relationship matters private, with the exception of mentors or trusted individuals that you can rely on and go to for advice.
 
 
5. Learn how to serve, and encourage him. The first thing I learned in my marriage was how selfish and stubborn I was. Try shifting your focus off your needs, and reevaluate how you can do more for him on a daily basis. How does he want to receive love, and how can you grow in that? Take extra time to build his confidence up as a leader. Show him that you trust him and respect what he has to say. But most of all, encourage him to be the man he is called to be. Make sure you allow him room to grow and take interest in his interests. He loves them, and he loves you, so getting to share them with you is very exciting for him.
Sometimes that means getting involved in something you are not interested in, but you may be surprised how the sacrifice on your behalf can lead to a renewed joy in your relationship.
My husband is extremely passionate about CrossFit, and as much as I hated it and resisted it for a long time, I realized I was keeping him from doing something he loved and making a big deal out of something that was not necessary. Letting my pride down and taking part in this activity with him has allowed us to grow in it together and has helped me to realize how much it really meant to him. I realized I was smothering the person he was and kept him from being himself out of my selfishness and pride. Since joining the gym, I have been able to watch him excel and accomplish his fitness goals and we have been able to cultivate a community of friends we didn’t have prior. Try this in your marriage and I promise you won’t regret it. So I challenge you, step into his world. Sometimes a perspective switch is all you need.
 
 
I hope this advice sincerely helps you be more prepared to have an unbreakable marriage; I know that is helped me!
 
Amanda
Amanda Beckham is an Analyst from Lobmard, IL.  She is the proud wife of Steven Beckham and a recent graduate of Olivet Nazarene University.  In her free time she enjoys photography, working out, and any activity under the sun or at the beach. She is an aspiring blogger, and strives to help other young couples set their marriage up for a success.

Categories
Marriage

4 Benefits of Praying With Your Spouse

 
Guest Writer: Nikki Walker
 
The scriptures state that God designed and created marriage as a good thing.  It is a beautiful, priceless gift.  God uses marriage to help us multiply our effectiveness, establish families, raise children, enjoy life, and reap the blessings of relational intimacy. God also designed marriage for couples to pray together, establishing tender moments that are created in prayer, helping couples to grow in love and intimacy in their relationship.
 
When married couples pray big for their marriage together, their relationship deepens with God’s fingerprints on their lives.  Wonderful things can happen in a marriage that is built on prayer! Here are 4 benefits that come from praying big prayers for your marriage:
 
1. Prayer Humbles Couples
Prayer changes couples that pray together.  Holy moments spent before God in prayer helps to place couples and their marriage desires in proper perspective. Prayer has an awesome ability to reduce egos and adjust attitudes.
 
2. Prayer Guides Couples
When God is the center of a  marriage, He becomes a built in compass and guide.  God gives direction and helps couples that pray together to stay together. God speaks, teaches, and imparts His wisdom through prayer. Prayer also illuminates God’s Word for couples. When couples pray together, they are better able to maneuver through marital issues and decisions with God’s wisdom.
 
3. Prayer Helps Couples See Each Other Differently
In 2 Corinthians 5, the apostle Paul shared how Christ had changed his perspective on people.  Apostle Paul states “So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.  At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view.  How differently we know him now!  This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.  The old life is gone; a new life has begun (vv. 16-17 NLT).”  Apostle Paul confessed that while he used to judge others based on human standards, he had stopped doing so because his love for Jesus had given him a different perspective on seeing people. As couples pray together, their view of each other will change.  Husbands and wives will learn to see each other through Jesus’ eyes, giving couples the ability to love each other how He does.
 
4. Prayer Equips Couples
The scriptures clearly define the husband and wive’s roles in marriage.  Husbands are called to love their wives just as Jesus loves them.  Wives are called to live for their husbands as they would live for Christ.  Neither of these roles comes naturally.  This is why prayer is essential in marriage.  When couples engage in prayer, God will give couples a vision for their marriage and equip them with grace to walk the vision out.
 
 
The connection that develops and grows when couples pray together deepens their love and bond with one another.  Great marriages, used mightily of God, can be made great by praying big prayers, flowing in intimacy, and yielding to one another. Regular prayer together creates a marriage that is indeed a blessing to others and God!
 
 
Nikki
I am a happily married wife and mother of two beautiful daughters. I have a heart for God’s people and sharing His love. My passion is writing and seeing God’s people live a life of fullness through the power of Jesus Christ.

Categories
Engaged

Before You Walk Down the Aisle: 5 Tips for the Husband-to-be

 
Guest Writer: Steven Beckham
 
You’re getting married soon and whether you feel ready or not, you’re probably not.  I thought I was ready, but there is quite a bit that I wasn’t adequately prepared for.  Hopefully these words will help you lay the foundation for an unbreakable marriage.
 
To my friend, the groom:
 
1. Happy wife, happy life.  I know you’ve probably heard it before, but making this a priority is key to having a great marriage.  You will find that the best thing you can do to bring you joy in your marriage is to make her happy.  Compliment her frequently, and she won’t go looking for those words of affirmation elsewhere.  Please her in bed, and your sex life will excel.  Also, understand that you are not king of the bed yet.
Sex does not come as easy as you’ve probably dreamed it would.  It takes time and practice, but learn what she likes and make it a habit to please her first.  If she’s not enjoying it, you won’t enjoy it, and sex will become a burden for both of you.  Always be looking for ways to make her fall more in love with you, in and out of the bedroom.  In every facet of your married life, make pleasing her your primary concern, and you will find that both of you are extremely satisfied.
 
 
2. Start praying now about how you will grow together spiritually.  This became a pain-point in our marriage very quickly.  Neither of us has ever had a real issue growing a relationship with God on our own.  Throw another human being in the mix, however, and everything changes.  Yes, you still have your own individual relationships with God, but finding ways to grow together in Christ can be challenging, especially when two leaders come together with different ways of worshipping and with different spiritual disciplines.
This is arguably the most important part of your marriage.  Start somewhere, and let it grow.  Go through a devotional book together.  Read through Scripture together.  Pray together.  Pray over one another.  Put on music and dance around the house together.  Try new things, find what you enjoy doing together, and stick with it.  You’re not just an individual anymore; the two become one!
 
 
3. Find your way of bonding.  My wife and I have discovered that we love watching TV shows together, especially ones that give us a good laugh.  Right now, we’re both really into Parks and Recreation.  We watch an episode almost every night as a way to relax, spend time together, and create inside jokes.
We often find ourselves quoting it throughout the day and making each other laugh, even if no one else knows what we’re talking about.  And if one of us isn’t home, we don’t watch it.  It’s not an individual thing; it’s our thing.  This has created many great moments in our marriage.  Whether it’s watching a TV show together, running together, shopping together, or something else, discover what you and your wife both enjoy doing, and do it together.
 
 
4. Get away from the screens.  Obviously, watching a show together does not apply.  If you are bonding, screens are fair game.  But nowadays, whether it’s a cell phone, a TV, a computer, or a tablet of some kind, it’s so easy to use up any and all free time staring at a screen.
Let your wife know that she’s more important than who you’re texting or what you’re doing.  Otherwise, you are teaching her to resent whatever or whoever she is competing with for your attention.  I’m not telling you to throw away your phones and computers, but if you spend more quality time on your phone than you do with your wife, you are setting your marriage up for some long-term issues.
 
 
5. Do what she loves.  When my wife and I were dating, she told me there were three things she couldn’t picture her life without: country music, Blackhawks hockey, and boating.  At the time, I hated country music, hockey was boring to me, and boating made me sick.  But, in an attempt to make her happy, I gave them all a shot.
 I didn’t want her to resent our marriage because it prevented her from doing the things she loved most.  Now, we rock out to country music together on road trips, and I’m a bigger Blackhawks fan than she is.  I even went with her to see two games this past season, one of them being game one of the Stanley Cup Finals.  We’re still working on the boating thing.  I will admit, I hate it less than I used to.
 
But the point is this: I joined her in her passions because I knew they made her happy, and I found that I liked most of them, too.  Sometimes, you just need a new perspective.  Other times, you just need to sacrifice.
 
I pray these words will help you feel more adequately prepared as your wedding day approaches, and I hope your marriage will be all you’ve dreamed it would be!
 
 
Steven
 
Steven is an Actuarial Analyst who currently works at Segal Consulting in downtown Chicago.  He is the husband of Amanda Beckham and a graduate of Olivet Nazarene University where he participated in varsity baseball.  He is an aspiring blogger, entrepreneur, and investor who is passionate about helping people grow in their faith in Christ and uncover their purpose.
 

Categories
Single

10 Qualities of a Man Ready for Marriage

I started thinking about my unmarried or newly married friends and their dating/courting relationships. After you have committed to someone and have dated exclusively for some time, how do you know when you are ready to take the leap of faith and get married?
Marriage is wonderful but it can come with it’s challenges so you need to be prepared emotionally, spiritually, and financially to be happy beyond the wedding day.
This post is focused on the man especially since he is the head of the relationship. I have listed 20 qualities that I believe are attributes of a man ready for marriage. I decided to break this up into two separate articles to keep this one from being a book chapter instead of a blog post. Stay tuned for Part 2 and “Qualities of a Woman ready for a Godly Marriage”.
1. Seeks God with his whole heart-
Psalm 119: 9-11
9 How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
The scripture says in order to keep yourself pure, hide His word in your heart. Seeking Him with your whole heart will keep you focused on pleasing God in all that you do.
2. Attends, gives and serves at a church
As a saved young woman, I have heard this line many times, “You are a Christian (or saved), oh that’s cool, I go to church, I am a member of…” I am happy that you “go to church”, but I believe you are a true member when you have invested your time, resources and talents to this church. The church cannot run itself without it’s members.
Your local church will be blessed by your help. What areas of the church are you serving in? How can you be a blessing to your pastor and members? I have found that serving in the church keeps you grounded, accountable and you learn so much about yourself and the life of Jesus by serving His people.
3. Has godly friends- Having godly friends will also help with accountability. Having friends who are walking with Jesus that will give you godly advice and will understand your struggles, praises, and will encourage your spiritual growth. The scripture says in Proverbs 27:17 that “Iron sharpens Iron”.
4. Has a good relationship with his family- I know all families are not perfect, but is there communication and respect with and towards the family.
This is important because if there are majors signs of dysfunction in the family, this unfortunately can filter over into your marriage. You will need to have open communication about the future in-laws.
5. Prays with and encourages you to pursue God more while he is pursuing you- The man is the head of the household. He will need to treat the bride as Jesus does the church. The Lord of Lord’s desires a church without spot or blemish.
Jesus loves us with an everlasting love. A godly man will want his wife to be all that God has called her to be. A godly man will want his woman to put God first before him.
6. Has a job or career- The husband will be the provider of the family and head of the household. He will need a job or is working (in school) to obtain a career.
7. Encourages you to  pursue your passion and goals- He will not be intimidated or will not limit his woman’s God given gifts.
8. Abstains from sexual immorality and fornication-
1 Thessalonians 4: 3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
The above scriptures describes those that fall to lust as those who do not know God. God does not want you to corrupt your body with this sin. Having sex outside of marriage will bring on a slew of problems into a pure relationship.
It is created for husband and wife only to enjoy. If you are not abstaining from this, you are sinning against God and your body.
This will keep the enemy from corrupting your union before it has even started. If this has already happened in your relationship, please seek Godly counsel on how to proceed with your relationship.
This goes back to being involved in a church, having Godly friends, and being guided by your pastor. Your support system will help you as a couple get back on track.
9. Communicates with you about his past, his struggles, and future- You do not want to have any surprises before you say “I do”.
10. Enjoys spending time with you- My grandfather who had been married for almost 60 years before he passed, gave me and Joel this one piece of marriage advice, “Have fun with each other.”
You want to enjoy your time together even if you are doing something that you don’t want to do. It shows that you want to invest in getting to know your mate and showing them how much you love and appreciate them.
 

Categories
Communication Dating/Courting Home

8 Tips on How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship

If there is one thing I know about is long distant relationships. My husband and I lived in different countries for 9 months!
If it was not for Jesus and our commitment to each other I do not think we would have made it. Here are some tips that we used to make sure that we made it through the difficult times.
1. Make a decision early about the status of your relationship
From the first week we started talking, we knew God  put us together and that we weren’t just dating to date but dating to get married. This helped us know we couldn’t just quit becuase we were tired or we had had enough. Our decision to keep going was based on the decision that we were growing for marriage.
2. Use the distance as a tool to grow your communication
The good thing about long distance relationships is that you have to do a lot of talking. Talking allows you to strengthen your communication and develop a bond that is beyound the physical nature.
3. Schedule online dates
My husband and I scheduled dates over Skype. We would get dressed up and talk as if we were face to face. It is important to still create moments of intimacy even if you are not together face to face.
4. Use social media to invite them into your life
With tools like periscope, instagram, or Facebook you can now take videos and send them or take them along with you during events and things that are important to you. Tag them in pictures as if they were there and include them in your everyday life.
5. Play games
There are many online games that you two can play against each other or with each one another.  Playing games helps bring joy into your relationships and helps make you feel closer becuase you are doing something that you normally could only do face to face.
6. Keep an online journal
Each of you can write in the journal when you are missing one another. Each of you can read it when you are unable to talk.
7. Schedule visits
Even though my husband and I lived in different countries, we scheduled visits to be together. Scheduling trips allows you to have something to look forward to.  You can do a count down together and it gives you hope to keep going.
8. Pray, worship and read the word together
He who has begun a good work in you is faithful to complete it, if you feel God has brought you two together allow him to complete it. Praying together allows God to sustain your relationship. Make your walk with God a priority not only together but personally, God will give you courage and strength to see everything come into completion.

Categories
Home Marriage Parenting Spiritual Intimacy

5 Ways to Spend Time With Jesus as a Family

The fight for your family isn’t taking a furlough.
Welcome to the twenty-first century: the age of confusion and chaos in a free-for-all, dilapidated society. If ever Christians needed the peace of God in their hearts and homes, it’s now.
Joshua, the protege of Moses, took a stand for the Lord’s place in society. He boldly declared in Joshua 24:15:
“If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Like Joshua, we’re living a land where options abound. In this land, we too will have to take a stand and predetermine in our hearts that our house will be a house that serves the Lord.
Growing up, my parents would lead us in simple devotionals, at least once a week as a family. This set me on a course for a divine encounter with the Living God.
Family devotional time doesn’t have to be devoid of life and boring. In fact, I’m convinced it should never be boring.
Here are five ideas for a dynamic family devotional time:
1. Play worship music and worship the Lord together. If your kids are small, pick them up and dance to the Lord together! They’ll associate worship with true joy! Our kids are accustomed to hearing us sing our hearts out to the Lord, enraptured in intimate worship. Once, after seeing a devastating news headline, my immediate response was to go the Lord in worship on my guitar. My family walked in and we had a divine, impromptu worship service in our living room!
2. Have a family-focused prayer night. Let every member take turns sitting in a chair in the middle. Let each family member say a prayer over that person. After praying, every member of the family can say how that person is a blessing or encouragement. Do this until everyone is prayed over and blessed. Also, pray together for family needs and watch and journal as God answers!
3. Take family mission trips. You don’t have to go around the world, but ask God, as a family, who the Lord wants your family to minister to and then load up the car and go! Maybe the Lord will give your family a word of knowledge about a single mom in Wal-Mart who can’t afford groceries. Maybe you go to Chic-Fil-A and buy lunch for the family in the car behind you. The point is, the family does it together and it takes family devos out of the house and into the world!
4. Ask everyone to share on a devotional rotation. Make a schedule and let everyone in the family share what the Lord is teaching them. End the time with prayer for each other and a blessing for each member of the family.
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5. Have a global-focused prayer night. Turn off the TV and all the lights and light a few candles. Pray about current events. Let the kids mention their friends or even animals who need prayer. Pray over cities that are mentioned in the news. Pray for the President or the Queen of England, but pray together for things outside of yourselves!
Like Joshua, we should make Christ the Lord of our house and our families. Your commitment to devote a night a week to the Lord as a family will leave an indelible mark on your family forever.
M&Y Family! What other ideas do you have for a family devotional time?
Check out this 42 Day Devotional written by founder’s of Married and Young!
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Categories
Dating/Courting Home

Dating For Two Years And Still No Ring

I’ve been dating this amazing man for two years, but have known him for a total of 8 years. As we recently approached our second year anniversary…can I be honest…disappointment greeted me.
Every time I log onto facebook someone else is getting married, someone else is having a baby or someone else is engaged. None of those someone’s were me.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, especially when you have a desire to be married and you believe you’ve found the one you wish to spend your life with.
BUT WHAT THE HECK IS TAKING SO LONG?
I know I’m not the only girl who has felt this way.
Out of anxiety and frustration I began to pray. The Lord reminded me when I surrendered my life to him, which includes marriage.
Psalm 139:16 reads “You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” In prayer I was reminded that every day of my life has been recorded in God’s book… EVEN MY WEDDING DAY!
I’m reminded that I can’t compare my love story to that of others because we are two totally different books. For some, marriage happens on page 30 and others 250.

The point is, I’m not in control of my love story…GOD is!

Although there’s a great desire to be married, there’s a burning desire to stay in God’s will! It’s in his will that I am perfectly safe!
After coming to this realization, I’ve made a conscious effort to remain on the page God has placed me on.
I believe there are great lessons, memories and fun to be had on this on this page of my love story. I wouldn’t dare insult God’s artistic ability by racing past the pages that don’t cater to my desires.
Be as encouraged as I was to live in the moment! Enjoy where God has positioned you in this moment!
I’m comforted by the fact that God has answered my prayers in the past and this time will be no different; like all the other answered prayers, God moves according to his timing. Don’t be anxious, it wont make God move any faster…it’ll only rob you of precious moments on this page.
Be encouraged,
Shannon C Colar
Lovebyencouragement.com

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Dating/Courting Home Single

9 Questions to Ask Yourself If Your Dream is to be Married

I think it’s easy to focus on so many other variables besides ourselves when it comes to marriage. Finding the ‘love of your life,’ having a beautiful wedding, or , what the kids will look like, etc.
The problem is, when we focus so much on what we don’t have control over in the future, it can take our attention away from what we can control in the present.
I do believe God created us to dream, and that He’s even placed those dreams within us.
But I also believe He calls us to steward our time well, and therefore I think it’s safe to say it’s important we use the time before marriage wisely.
If you are in a season of being single, I challenge you to ask yourself the following hard questions:
1. Are there things I want to do before I share my life with somebody?
2. Am I really working on my weaknesses or do I pass them off for being ‘a part of who I am?
We all have weaknesses, but that doesn’t mean we should ignore them or excuse ourselves from working on them. It’s much easier to hide them when you are by yourself.
3. What does marriage mean to me?
I may not be married, but I’ve been around married people enough to know that it’s not just butterflies and bliss 24/7. I’m not saying fairy tale marriages are impossible, but if you’re expecting it to be easy you may need to do some more research before getting married.
4. What is my view of God?
God designed marriage, so He is the ultimate expert. Focusing on your relationship with Him will naturally prepare you to be ready for marriage, along with establishing a foundation that will be vital to your relationship with your spouse (and others in your life!).
5. Am I praying for my future spouse?
6. Have I dealt with my insecurities?
Insecurities have a way of wreaking havoc on relationships. If you’re not at peace with yourself, it’s going to be difficult to feel at peace in a relationship. If you have insecurities that haven’t been dealt with, find the root and get rid of them!
7. Would I be a financial burden to somebody?
I’m not sure financial problems are an attractive quality. You may as well get on top of your finances now so that it doesn’t create tension in your marriage later.
8. Do I know who I was created to be?
Knowing what you’re meant to do with your life will help you to find the right type of person to partner up with. If you’re not sure, this would be a good time to get some clarity on your destiny.
9. Am I an ideal spouse (for my ideal spouse)?
Bear with me on this question… Are you the type of person that the type of person you want to marry would want to marry? It’s fun to think about the qualities you want in a spouse, but the reality is, they have to choose you too!
Ultimately, the more you spend time improving yourself instead of dreaming of what is to come, the better chance that dream will be fulfilled and exceeded!
 
M&Y! What are some other questions to ask yourself if you desire to get married?