For the last few months I have been feeling like there are times when my husband and I are disconnected. Of course, in my mind, it was my husband’s fault because I can do no wrong, right? Well, I’ve recently learned that I can do wrong and I have been wrong for months.
Someone very wise spoke to me recently and said that I cannot base my marriage and my role as a wife on the words or attitude of my husband. My husband has bad days just like I do. My husband is human.
This person also reminded me of the good in him, which I had apparently quickly forgotten considering that I had just spoken about how amazing he is at his birthday party. The very next day following this affirmation of my love for him, I found myself angry and heartbroken over something small and declared that he can’t possibly love me. It was that easy for me to throw away almost five years of love, fun, smiles, and hard-work simply over a series of small arguments. Though I always think small arguments are indicative of a bigger issue, we usually know how to identify the big issues and work through them. The fact that we weren’t working through them told me that something was very wrong, and at the time was sure that it was him.
The night that we had our first issue also happened to be the second night in a row that we didn’t read the bible and pray as a family as we usually do. I decided to break the pattern, so I prayed with my daughter, and then again on my own. When I was praying on my own, I began to lift up our family. While praying for my family, God began to instruct me to pray against anger and hurt. I thought I needed to pray for the issues within the family, but what I realized was that one of the factors causing the issues was the anger and hurt I was harboring. There seemed to be a lot of anger within me that God wanted to deal with. How can I expect my house to remain standing if I don’t take care of its foundation? I am a part of that foundation.
By the next day, my husband and I had the chance to really sit down and talk. Our issues stemmed from varying views on disciplining our child. I had a hard time listening to his criticisms, but I listened anyways. That night he said that he wanted us to get back into reading the bible and praying. The first verse in Proverbs 29 says, “Whoever stubbornly refuses to accept criticism will suddenly be destroyed beyond recovery.” Between the continued verses about criticism and discipline, I had an incredibly hard time reading the chapter. But, through those verses, God truly opened my eyes to the changes I needed to make in my attitude in order to have a healthy marriage.
I am learning that when I have an issue in my marriage, I need to first look at myself before blaming my spouse, and then approach the issue. The Word says, “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3-4). Before turning to and on your spouse, consider looking at your faults first. This will enable you to have a healthier perspective on both your role and your spouses’ role in the disagreement. Once you have gained a healthy perspective, you will then be able to clearly discuss the issue and agree upon a solution.
Also, it is important to spend time with God together so that you two can continue to maintain and strengthen your foundation. Storms may come your way, but once you take care of your foundation, the two of you will be able to remain standing and defeat and overcome all obstacles that come your way. “For where two or three gather together as my followers,[a] I am there among them.” (Matthew 18:20) When you gather together with your family to pray, you are allowing God into your household and into your marriage. And with God, you cannot fail.
