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Forgiveness

thoughtful african woman sitting by the harbour

I can still remember the very day I received the call: “Krystal you need to come home, your mother passed away”
I quickly gathered up my things at work and without looking anyone in the face, rushed to my car, got in and turned the car on. I still didn’t know what to think. I picked up the phone and called the father of my child and asked him to meet me at my house.
When I arrived I saw my mother lying there lifeless. No more breath in her. I climbed into the bed and that’s when everything inside came out. I just cried.
In the days leading up to my mother’s death, I wasn’t around much. I would leave the house every chance I got. Partly because I couldn’t stand to see her in that condition. I can even remember, just a few days before she was taken to the hospital because she was not responding and we were told that it could be any day now. It was hardest thing I was ever told. Even then, I still managed to keep it together and not say a word.
Give your mom a kiss they said, this could be the last day you see her.
With my newborn in my hand, I gave my mom a kiss. I didn’t know God back then and even if I did, me selfishly asking for more time wasn’t going to be granted. My mom was suffering and that was no way to have her live.
I just remember feeling like she gave up. I felt like maybe all my time away from home-made her feel like I didn’t need her anymore. I started to feel guilty and I blamed myself. That’s when the enemy began using my feelings against me. He would always say, you killed your mother. If you were around your mother would still be alive. His lies went on for many years.
See back then I didn’t know what I know today,  I just thought it was myself thinking those things but today I know  it was the enemy.
See he likes to wait until you’re vulnerable then he strikes. He doesn’t play fair. At any cost he wants to keep you from knowing the truth. And the truth was I wasn’t to blame for my mother’s death and she didn’t just give up. The Lord ways are far above my ways and for reasons that I may not ever understand, He decided that her time here on earth was up.
I didn’t need to blame myself.
Listen, I don’t know what you’re going through. I don’t know if you’re in a situation where you’ve been blaming yourself for something happening and you’re feeling guilty but,  I just want to let you know that it’s okay to forgive yourself and it’s okay to ask God to forgive you as well.
He doesn’t want you living in bondage, He longs to free you from that tormented hell you’ve been living in. He wants to hug you, He wants to love on you. He wants to silence the whispering of the enemy in your ears.
I had to forgive myself for hating my mom for leaving me. I had to forgive myself for not being as present as I could have been during the time she was sick. And once I forgave myself, I asked God to forgive me and I even asked my mother for forgiveness. Know that when God says you’ve been forgiven, that’s the end of that misery. The devil no longer has any power over you or that situation.
So I encourage you today to forgive yourself and forgive others as well……
I would love to pray for you. If you have lost someone and you don’t know how to deal with the pain you feel and you’ve been blaming yourself, email me at thepowerofgodlywomen@gmail.com I would love to talk to you and I will gladly pray for you.

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Finances

5 Reasons Why God Wants You to be Wealthy

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Home Marriage

The Pros and Cons of Purchasing a New Home or an Old Home

If you are thinking about investing in real estate and buying a home, you may be trying to decide whether to build a new house/purchase a newer home or an purchase an older home. Both home types come with pros and cons.  I want to shed light on some key factors to help you make the right decision.
 

Newer Homes/New Construction

real estate photo: Real Estate Bakersfield CA Real-Estate-BakersfieldCA-2_zpsf7ef1547.jpg
Pros

  1. All the major components (HVAC, foundation, roof, water heater) are brand new and you should not have to be concerned with replacing these anytime soon.
  2. You get to select your building materials and design the home to look exactly how you want it.
  3. All appliances and plumbing are new. You get to break in that stove and you are the only one who has used your bathroom (at least we hope).
  4. Brand new home smell. Nothing beats the smell of fresh paint and new carpet.
  5. 1 year builders warranty. If anything gets damaged during the first year, the builder will replace it at no cost to you.

Cons

  1. You typically will pay more for new construction than older homes.
  2. Newer homes will have baby trees and landscaping so you will have to wait a few years to get any real shade.
  3. Building delays-Sometimes these are just not preventable. The wrong tile could be ordered or the manufacturer decided to drop the tile you chose. This happens all the time with new construction so be prepared and have back up plans in case you need to add a few more months on your apartment lease.
  4. Home is built-in less time with less quality materials than older homes.

 
 

Older Homes

home photo: home zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-5.jpg
Pros

  1. You may get quality building materials (like real wood flooring and exotic granite) for a fraction of the cost you would pay for them in  a new home.
  2. Mature trees and landscaping.
  3. Some older homes were built with architectural design features that are historic or timeless.
  4. Your home comes with a story. Someone has already put a lot of love into it and you get to add another chapter to the book.
  5. Pay less per sq ft than a newer home.

Cons

  1. You may have to do some major repairs to make the home livable.
  2. May not be move in ready.
  3. You are the new kid on the block so it will take some time to acclimate to the existing neighborhood culture.
  4. Insurance may be higher because the home is older.

 
I hope this list helps to make your decision on finding a home a little less daunting. My best advise to you is that you should research and evaluate what is most important to you. Buy a home that you love and that will also love you back for years to come.

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Dating/Courting Home

Why You Should Stop Waiting?

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Why You Should Stop Waiting?

It seems like the dawn of day will never come, well at least with me it does when the agonizing diminishing minutes of waiting in the Starbucks line drag on for what seems like an eternity. You scroll through the news feed, you check your Instagram, you take a selfie or two (don’t even try to deny that you haven’t done this its just sad) and sweetly jam to whatever blasts its way into the speakers of your car. Waiting.
Then you finally reach the glorious window to grab the drink you just felt like you went through a marathon of tribulation to get! It tastes just as good as you thought it would and you realize you carried on with life in the waiting. You continued to be. The drink came just like you knew it would without a second thought. And all the while you carried on living life in its entirety because of one great assurance; the reward for the wait would be there in the end.
Now I know that is an infinitely grand symbolism to relate the relationship woes of singles to the steamed Starbucks lattes we savor, but stay with me I promise I’ll whip up a delight for you in the end.
WAITING
Webster’s states the word waiting as a period of time spent inactive or stationary. For many singles the ideology behind being in the season of waiting means being inactive or dormant to life. We should just await the arrival of his or her significant other, or the the next season of life when in reality Jesus came to “give life and life more abundantly.” Jesus didn’t sacrifice himself in hopes that during the “waiting” season of our lives we would expel ourself from living it.
In 2 Peter 1:2 it states, “Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God.” God wants us to have peace in the grace of the season He has us in. When we are celebrating in the season of our singleness He means for us to stop waiting in the literal since of giving up life and wait in the beauty of His assurance, the assurance of the great reward awaiting in the end of our season.Whether that is moving into a new season of singleness, a new relationship, a new place to live etc. When we stop looking to the next season to make life better and start seeing Jesus for all He has and is in the now. We settle in the peace of the grace of the present. 
SEEING SINGLENESS
Singleness is to be lived. Not waited out in agony of finally being done like a math test or credit card application. Singleness isn’t about the pursuit of “finding the one.” Singleness is to be savored like a Starbucks frappe on a hot day. It’s to be lived in its fullness to grasp the great grace; knowledge and truth the Lord wants to extend to us.
When the choice to choose forever with the right person does come, (if marriage is even the end result for what God has for you) that its viewed through a season which was lived out in love and light not one waited out in disillusion and depression.
Singleness isn’t to be viewed with bitterness and sarcasm such as, “All good things come to those who wait”, I sure hope so because if I’m waiting for bad this is going to suck. “Why are you still single”, because becoming a magician was taken? Singleness should be a place on the journey where books are read, road trips are made at midnight, community is at your core, relationships with sisters or brothers in Christ are deepened, laughter is abundantly more, where dreams are drawn up and accomplished by the droves. Stop waiting for life to start or force people into a place which hasn’t yet been established for them in your life because you are so tired and exhausted of the process we’ve deemed waiting.
STOP WAITING
Hear me out please, I am not saying throw in the towel and go completely off the cliff of your foundations and cornerstone of standards. I am saying though stop claiming singleness as a dead, dormant dry season meant to be the end of all ends until you get to the mountain top. Instead change the viewpoint of singleness to be lived out not waited out. Let life be enjoyed, let God become more savored and let love most of all nourish and grow in the living out of the waiting.
“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully? Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Ephesians 3:16-19
This verse to me is the motto us as singles should be holding onto in a season where Christ longs to make His home in our hearts and bring us to trusting in Him even more for filling the space where our future mate will capture one day. But in the mean time letting God’s love grow deep in us to keep us faithful and strong. And this is the very best part so we can have fullness of life! A season of waiting isn’t death. It wasn’t meant to wait out with dread and expectations of lack. It is meant to be lived in the fullness of life, to be enjoyed to the utmost all the while increasing our faith and hope in the assurance of the end result that God is ever faithful in His promises to us!

 If we are just waiting to wait out the waiting we are waiting our life to death.

And when we finally start living the waiting fades in time and we soon realize the reward came just at the perfect time and we arrive to the window of goodness, exceedingly abundantly more than we could ask or imagine. A future full of promise and the reward of all that our sweet heavenly Father promised us. And it just so happens to beat out a good Starbucks drink any day. Don’t you think?
 
Written By: Angela Groce

Categories
Marriage Parenting

Living With The Inlaws

Last year my husband and I fell on some hard times and we were unable to upkeep our beautiful (cheap) apartment and take care of our little one. My mom so graciously offered to take us in which was a struggle for my husband and I. We were worried about what it could do to our marriage. As new parents, we also feared that we wouldn’t be able to raise our child the way we wanted to. Today, we are on big happy family considering this continued arrangement. Here’s how our marriage has survived almost a year of living with an in-law.

  1. Be clear about the boundaries in the home.

Although you want to be respectful to your parent/in-law, it’s important to be open and honest about what you expect the living arrangements to be even if you’re being helped. The last thing anyone would want is the family falling apart. Before you pack even one box, say “We absolutely appreciate the help but we still want our child to know who his/her parents are.” One of my biggest pet peeves is a child recognizing their grandparents as their parents when the actual parents are available to take care of their child. My husband and I make sure we not only do the basics but we are very present in her life. We don’t take advantage of the fact that my retired mother is in the home.

  1. Don’t Take Advantage of the Living Arrangements

As I mentioned in number one, mom and dad (in-laws) are not the live in nannies. Make sure you spend as much time with your child, doing the same things you would if you were on your own. After all, you brought the child into the world. The point of being in the home is to be able to provide the best for your child so try to be your best.
Contribute to the home. We all know moms love to cook and clean for their babies but that umbilical cord does not automatically reattach as soon as you go back home. Offer to cook once in a while. Take over the chore of cleaning and please, please do your own laundry!

  1. Communicate with your spouse.

If you are living with your in-law and you feel uncomfortable don’t be afraid to say so. Keeping that secret can be detrimental to your marriage and cause damage that may take years to repair. Sometimes your in-law may try to “help” by being intrusive and offering unwarranted advice. Not having an open, ongoing conversation about your feelings not only leaves your spouse in the dark but it leaves you in the dark. You are uncomfortable in the place you call home and unsure about the state of your marriage. Holding on to that can stop you from being your best.
If you are the one living with your parent and you feel like your spouse isn’t contributing enough, just tell them. Don’t be afraid to say, “I know this isn’t ideal but thank God we have a roof over our head. Let’s try to do our best to do as much as we can to show our appreciation.” Have a continued open conversation about your feelings about everything.

  1. Communicate with your parents.

You’re living with your parents so it’s safe to say that you have a good relationship with them. Talk to them whenever you feel like they are crossing the boundaries you previously set or any new lines that need to be drawn. Even though you’re grown, your parents still want the best for you. Be respectful and assure them that you appreciate everything that they’ve done but be straight forward.

  1. Don’t be afraid to be intimate!

You’re married, regardless of where you live! Being intimate is absolutely important for the survival of any marriage, more so if you’re in someone else’s home.

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Home

6 "Real" Questions for the Unmarried On Your Social Life

If I get one more invite to a “single’s skating party” or a “single’s potluck” I am going to scream. Do not get me wrong, I am an advocate of social environments that includes both physical activity and enjoying the delectable treats that are shared amongst semi-known acquaintances. I even consider it a sport of amusement in trying to figure out what is actually in that dish that the “new girl” made and keeps offering for everyone to try (I once tried to make an apple crisp but it just didn’t crisp up like my mom’s lol). These environments are intended to minimize the internal loneliness that the attendees are dealing with and are placed amongst a group of individuals that they do not know and forced in to an even more isolated feeling because they are not really sure if it is a safe zone.
Networking is an art; that’s why there are books, classes, seminars, workshops, webinars etc. etc. on how to engage in social environments.
1. Is that what singles are looking for when going out; to develop skills on being involved in socially awkward atmospheres?
2. Are you going to events with the hope that it will be the beginning of a fairy tale love story?
3. What are we really saying when we only offer to the unmarried cake and punch and corral them in to a roller rink?
Now if you are in the midst of planning or attending your church’s 27th annual “Saved Singles Skating Bash”, this is not to say that it shouldn’t continue. It is more of an inquiry to ask about the purpose and expectation of the results. 
4. What are the results from the single events you have attended?
5. Have you seen the unmarried remain faithful to the principles of the Bible?
6. Are you producing the Fruits of the Spirit or are you involved with reoccurring lifestyle choices that do not exhibit an encounter with the living God?
Any time that we gather together in Jesus’ name, people should be able to feel comfortable, discuss challenges, have the ability to be transparent and have discussions about solutions to live a life pleasing to our Heavenly Father. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty and joy! Proverbs 11:14 “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety (NKJV).”
I want to challenge you to seek after more of God. There is so much to discover about His plans for our lives, which far surpass temporal satisfaction. God is the creator of all things, and delights in us seeking after Him. Being unmarried is not boring and you do not have to feel awkward about your marital status.
Pray and ask God to guide you in to environments with individuals that are likeminded in desiring to fulfill the work of the Lord. If your local assembly does not have a group for the unmarried, ask your pastor and start something small at your house. You can have a potluck and Bible study…plus I’ve got a great recipe for apple crisp.
I would love to hear some feedback from you.  Comment below with your answers to these questions.
INS

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

3 Problems Blaming Others For Your Actions Creates

The blame game has been going on for many years. Even when Adam and Eve were confronted about their mistakes in the Garden of Eden they blamed someone else. When asked why he did what he did, Adam went from calling Eve “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh” to “that woman you put here with me.” (Genesis 2:23 & Genesis 3:12). When Eve was asked why she did what she did, she blamed the serpent (Genesis 3:13). It seems like we have always had problems taking responsibility for our actions. This accountability issue is still heavily present in our generation today.
This creates 3 HUGE problems.
1. The first problem with the blame game is that it takes the ability to change the situation out of your hands. If ALL your problems are TRULY someone else’s fault, then you can’t do anything about it. But, if you were to admit that you were responsible for a lot of these problems, if not all of your problems, then you become empowered to change them. Once you begin to look for what you could have done differently to stop the problem from occurring and what you can do now to fix the problem, you are no longer a victim who has no say or control, but are now the answer/solution to your problems!!
2. The second problem with the blame game is that it makes it nearly impossible for you to grow as a person. If you are constantly focusing on the spec in someone else’s eye, it’s going to be hard for you to fix the plank in your own eye. When you refuse to take fault when you are at fault, you are actually cheating yourself out of a valuable growth opportunity. You can’t fix something you don’t first recognize is broken. When you come out of denial and begin to focus on your own issues, you can then begin to fix them, which will result in personal growth!
3. The third problem with the blame game is that it makes having any kind of meaningful, long-term, and truly loving relationship impossible. If you view every issue as being someone else’s fault you will be quick to leave, quit, and give up, and you will always be looking for someone else who can make you happier. You will never be satisfied. You will be constantly running from problems, only to find out the one consistent problem in your life is YOU! This will affect ALL of your relationships such as:

  • Friendship: If you refuse to believe you are a part of the problem, you will constantly be fluctuating between friends groups and will never truly find those life-long friends. No friend is perfect, including you. If you can’t seem to maintain friends to save your life, you may want to re-evaluate what the issue really is.
  • Family: It really is possible to get along with your family even if you have different value systems and views. Just because they may be a little different from you doesn’t mean you can’t get along. If you have an estranged relationship with a primary family member, chances are you have played some role in the current status of that relationship.
  • Dating/Courting/Engaged/Married: “On to the next one” seems to be the motto we live by in our love relationships today. If we aren’t satisfied or happy with this person, well then we deserve to leave and find someone who will make us happy! The issue with this mentality is that the problem seems to continuously follow us around no matter who we are with, which leads to more boyfriends/girlfriends than we can count on fingers and toes, divorce, heartbreak, and an overall bitterness towards love. Well I’m here to tell you that no matter who you are with, you WILL have problems. Yes, I do believe that there are some people better suited for each other than others. However, no matter who you end up with, your issues will always be there waiting to be dealt with too. Once you realize that you have problems and that your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse chooses to love you and stay with you anyway, you will be less focused on their issues. Its easy to run away and skip and hop between relationships, but its also less fulfilling and will never result in the depths of love that can only be experienced in a deep committed covenant relationship.

Resolution: Although it will be uncomfortable, it is worth it to learn how to take responsibility for your actions and become accountable for who you are. Once you stop blaming others, you are free to change your life. You will gain both better relationships and a better you!
 
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