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Finances Home Parenting

5 Lessons to Teach Our Kids About Debt

I don’t know about you, but I didn’t learn about debt until I was 21 and knee deep in it! Even worse, I didn’t have the urgency to pay it off until I was 28 and ready to do more with my money.
Many of us grew up in tight financial situations where debt seemed inevitable and paying it back, impossible. But we now have the opportunity to frame the mindset of younger generations toward debt. So if we’re serious about breaking the “owe money” cycle, here are 5 lessons we can teach our kids about debt.

Lesson #1: You can’t afford it if you have to make payments

It’s so easy to swipe that credit card or get that loan, that many of us think we’re affording, when we’re really borrowing.
We borrowed for that car we’ll have to pay on for 6 years, even though it loses it’s value significantly after 1! We borrowed for that house with a mortgage payment that’s almost half our monthly income. We even borrowed for clothes, groceries, and anything else where credits cards were accepted. And with all of this borrowing, we lose money each month because of the interest lenders collect.
We shouldn’t do so much borrowing for items that end up costing more money in the future (like a car), or for items that don’t give us a return (like anything that’s not an income-generating asset).

Lesson #2: The minimum monthly payment is your enemy

Borrowing costs money. That’s what interest is, the cost of borrowing. Each month that you owe, the lender collects this interest. It’s how they make money. To maximize their profit, they break your total debt into monthly payments. It’s NOT so that you can “afford” it, it’s so they can make as much as possible in interest.
Here’s an example: You buy a pair of shoes on your credit card for $400. Let’s assume your credit card has an annual interest rate of 12%. Using a simple debt calculator, you’ll see that your minimum monthly payment is $16, and that it will take 2 years and 8 months to pay it off (assuming you don’t make other purchases).
This means after 2 ½ years, you would’ve paid over $500 for shoes that you probably don’t even wear anymore. And even if you still wear them, they’re likely worth less than $50, let alone the $400 the store asked for!
We should feel a sense of urgency to pay our debt as quickly as possible. This money can then be put toward items that will help us create wealth in the future.

Lesson #3: Once you’re in debt, forget the past…

Some of us fell into debt when we were younger or just didn’t know about its implications, but we have to let it go. Even if you knew better, let go of that regret. Don’t condemn yourself for decisions you made in the past. It only makes it that much harder to take action and break free in the present.
How you got into debt doesn’t matter. What matters is your plan for getting out.

Lesson #4: …& persevere toward the future

No debt is too large to fight your way out of. Seriously, google “how I got out of debt” and look at all of the success stories. Here’s one of my favs.
Nothing is stopping you from being your own success story!
How do you get out of debt? You do whatever it takes to pay more than that minimum monthly payment we talked about above. You get the second job, you cut back your spending, get rid of seem expenses, and you promise to pay that extra amount each month.
And hold yourself to it! You can use a debt calculator to see how long it will take you to pay off your loan with this new, higher monthly payment. Once you have that date, post it to your mirror, make a countdown, encourage yourself to stick to your plan!

Lesson #5 Make it so you don’t have to borrow again

With all of the work, effort, and sacrifice it takes to get out of debt, set yourself up so that you don’t fall back into it. Spend frugally, set financial goals, so that you can save for things our society has told you you have to borrow for. You don’t have to borrow for a car, you don’t have to borrow for a house. You don’t have to borrow for school. Together, saving and going for less expensive items can limit or completely eliminate the amount you have to borrow.
Strive to not have to borrow. That is our lesson for our kids! 🙂

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Engaged Home Marriage Uncategorized

Serving Others: 10 Ways to be More Hospitable in Your Home

I get really excited when we have guests over. Whether it be for dinner or overnight, I try to make my guests feel welcomed and comfortable. I find joy in serving others. I know I am honoring God by showing love to His people. It is alright if serving doesn’t come naturally for you because it did not come naturally for me.
It took working as an greeter at church and being told that I am the first face that someone see’s and that a warm welcome can start the healing process. I set the tone for a visitors or members experience. I learned to go the extra mile to make people feel special. I want my guests at my home to feel the same way.
Here are 10 tips to make your next home gathering extra special for your guests.

  1. Greet your guests at the door with a smile and a beverage as soon as they enter.
  2. Have candles lit to create an ambiance.
  3. Place fresh flowers in the bathroom with nice printed napkins or a nice printed hand towel.
  4. Have refreshments or appetizers to snack on while the main dish is being prepared.
  5. Have small activities or a few toys laid out for the little guests, this makes the little ones feel special.
  6. Set your table with nice plates, glasses, silverware and napkins. Here is a diagram of a simple way and formal way to set the table. (Image 2)
  7. Place essential items (travel toothpaste, toothbrushes, mouthwash, lotions etc) in the guest baths and bedrooms for overnight guests.
  8. Send your guests home with leftovers so they don’t have to cook tomorrow.
  9. Serve dessert even if it’s just store bought cookies and ice-cream.
  10. Make your guests plates and serve them at the table instead of a buffet style.

There are many more things that you can do than these 10 things. Just be creative and think about what makes you feel special and do the same for your guests.
formal-place-setting-chart-informal-table-setting-diagram

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Engaged Home Marriage News Spiritual Intimacy

Being Married to a Prophetic Person

I always saw “Godly marriages”. It was nothing new. I saw strong men that was loved, respected, and supported by his wife. And the husbands adored and protected their wives and family. These were the examples that I saw and wanted to pattern my marriage after.
From what I could tell, the husbands understood their wives and the wives spoke the same language as their husbands. I had no idea what that process looked like, but It’s safe to say that each marriage had its own specific journey. So on January 2, 2009, I began my journey with my wife and there were some things for me to learn…
Little did I know I was marrying a woman that operated strongly in the prophetic realm. To be quite honest, she was growing in her awareness of that as well. There were times that she would hear from the Lord and she would admonish me to change an action or bring to my attention she was aware of a situation and I thought she was being controlling or a know it all.
My misinterpretation was a big point of contention in our marriage. It wasn’t until a couple of years into the marriage that I began to seek an understanding of her gift.
What I realize is that many marriage forums are aimed at being equally yoked and like-minded; however, rarely have I heard of any valiant efforts to understand each other’s gifts and strengths spiritually as well as naturally. So in an effort to pay it forward, here’s what I learned from being married to a prophetic person:
1. The gift of prophecy/office of the prophet carries a heavy burden.
There are times when the prophetic individual experiences correction for others and the prophet doesn’t want to be perceived as judgmental; they battle with saying what they see because they don’t want to offend.
2. Prophetic individuals are super-sensitive to the supernatural realm.
This is important to understand as it relates to environments and relationship building. A prophetic individual’s ability to exist in certain environments may seem limited, but it’s because of the things that they are discerning in the spirit realm that may be “off”.
3. Prophetic individuals pray ALOT!
I mention this because it seemed kind of odd to me that my wife would start praying randomly while driving in the car or in a movie theatre. Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a weirdo that walks around praying obtusely in public, but I’ve noticed that with her and others, their prayer life is quite robust!
4. A prophetic individual’s tone and presence is often very strong.
When they speak, it’s with the full weight and glory of the Lord. (Let that sink in for a minute.) Because they have been in the presence of God so much during prayer, they carry His countenance on them tremendously.
5. Prophetic individuals are very watchful and perceptive, often picking up on things that are uncommon and overlooked. My wife will see the cause of something before the outcome is even revealed.
I highlight just a few elements of prophetic people in an effort to help someone that is married to a person with these gifts. The burden of that gift is heavy and the spouse must understand that reality and do everything possible to undergird them in love, truth, prayer, and intimacy. When I started to understand these things, it put my wife at ease and lifted tension from our marriage.
 
Do everything possible to understand your spouse’s gifts. Accept them without judgment or opinion and help them to develop it. The gift that they have is for your family and God’s kingdom!

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Dating/Courting Home

Date Me, Don't Use Me

Have you ever been in a relationship that you were skeptical about? It only seemed that the person you were dating reached out to you when it was convenient? I can remember the first time I was cheated on. I was so excited that I had just got into a relationship with a young lady who seemed PERFECT!
I was showing a picture of her to a friend who instantly recognized the young lady as his cousin’s girlfriend. Although embarrassed, I played it off like it did not faze me. As you can imagine, I confronted her about it and made the decision to end that situation all together. I figured, we are not married and neither can I see myself planning a future with someone who starts out untrustworthy.
But what about those who stay?
I used to believe that it was common sense for couples who weren’t in covenant relationship to leave the cheater, but more and more I have found that people will stay for reasons that aren’t even worth it. You may have heard some of the excuses, “We look good together though”, “As long as they are here at night”, or the infamous “It’s cool, because I have my own side pieces too!”
While this may seem comical, most of you who are reading this know it to be more than true! In an instance like this, I am always reminded that not everyone understand their worth. Not the cheater or the one being cheated on!
A cheater goes to and from seeking to fill their voids. You can find a cheater getting dressed up and smelling good just to catch whatever would get caught on the hook they reel out. The mistake that the cheater make is not filling their voids with the right stuff, and by neglecting to do so, continues to worsen their predicament.
If my car warns me to refuel, and I fill the tank up with water, if it doesn’t break down first it will completely shut down on me eventually. If the cheater does not seek God to teach them real love and relationship, they will continue to slay the destinies of those they trample over. I am reminded of the scripture in Proverbs 25:28 as the message bible captures the essence of the verse, “A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out.”
In other words, anything and everybody can come in and out as they please because you don’t have the right stuff protecting you from the elements! In relationships, the other person treats you how you treat yourself!
If you know your worth and value, both men and women, then you have given the person you date some standards to reach.  I know you would probably agree with me, that I don’t want to be my mate’s number one; I want to be her ONLY one!
If you are the cheater, be real with God and tell Him that you struggle but want to be free. God will come in and begin to transition you from whom you used to be into who you were called to be. If you are being cheated on, let God know how bad it hurts.
Tell Him that you need help getting rid of the soul tides you’ve developed and that you want God to validate you and not the one that you are dating. For the both of you, pray and ask God to fill every void in EVERY area, because you can’t afford to make a decision one day to spend the rest of your life EMPTY with the wrong person!

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Home

Should I Get Married?

I’ve been writing for Married and Young for nearly a year now and I have really enjoyed blogging about being married God’s way. I’ve written about how to learn your spouses language, how to pamper your wife, and even what I learned while courting my wife.
During all of this I overlooked a very important detail. This is all well and good for those who are married, but what about the one who is not married?
What would I say to you?
I would say that while you are single before you begin preparing for marriage, make sure you ask God if you should even be married.
What?….
Doesn’t God want everyone to be married? No, not necessarily. If you ask Paul he says that you can actually be more effective in ministry when you are single. Once you become married you become more preoccupied with what your spouse wants than what God wants (Romans 7:34).
I am by no means saying that you shouldn’t get married so that you can focus on ministry. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t get carried away in what God has not ordained for your life. As with everything you must first seek God. Be not presumptuous and ask Him if marriage is in His plan for your life.
M&Y What are your thoughts on this?
1. Does God want everyone to be married?
2. Does He give us a choice whether or not we marry?

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Dating/Courting Home

The Problem with Dating

Dating is a selection process, to determine whether a person is the right one through compatibility and ‘feel good’ approaches. Courting is a Choosing God’s Best or God’s Word-based selection process- to which you measure the person based on Christ-likeness and suitability.
The problem with dating is that dating (if done without any intention of commitment) is a practice for divorce. For instance, when you or those close to you figure that there is something you don’t like about a person, you’re out- leaving the other person feeling abandoned in thier feelings. Dating gives you the freedom to be more judgmental and critical of the other person. In courtship you focus on yourself and (getting the ‘speck out of your eye’) prepare yourself for the other person- regardless of their flaws and imperfections.
You date often with your guard up, and having many dating partners can take away from you’re “stick-to-it-ness” or your desire to be committed to anyone. Whenever commitment is brought up in a dating relationship- the decision making process to commit to them on greater levels comes with confusion, maybe even contention, as you try to figure out the real reason why you’re in the relationship to begin with.
Courting allows you to hear from God early on and get confirmation that will cause you to develop in your loyalty to them as time goes on. In dating, you can tend to hold the other person at gunpoint- or have an imaginary rubric that you’re grading them on- which in most cases is unfair the other person is revealing their true self (flaws and all). In courtship you shouldn’t have to prove or put pressure on yourself to be a specific person.
In courtship- Be yourself! Courtship is when you allow yourself and the other person to be who they are- and you allow God’s word concerning husband and wife to guide you in the match-making process. This process helps you work on forgiveness, transparency, reconciliation; and if there is a rupture in the relationship, restoration is another process. Dating teaches breaking up as a means to resolve issues. Courtship teaches making up, restoration, reconciliation, forgiveness, and unconditional love.
Courtship prepares you to be a gift to the other person, and even with ths other person’s flaws and all, you allow God to present that person to you as a gift. For two are better than one. How great is it to have another person in your life who prays for you on the companionship level- and their committed.
Courtship brings about transparency. Dating protects only you and not the other person. Courtship is when you both fight together. Dating brings about hidden agendas, secrets, and unfair expectations on the other person through veiled emotions.
In the back of a dating person’s mind is the question: “Can I really be loyal to this person?” In courtship, you answer that question early on with the help of the Holy Spirit, and you understand that I can be loyal to the person with God’s help (to which there is nothing that can separate us except God’s revelation to the both of us).
However the problem exists when two people are in a relationship, but one person is dating (them in their mind) and the other is courting (the other person in their mind). In that situation, there is no mutual agreement (Amos 3:3). This means you two need to start talking, reasoning, and consider what is before you. If not, in this scenario, there will be a clash of intention, will, and desire. This could lead to one person being covenant minded, and the other person convenience minded moving forward.
There needs to be an understanding, that if Christ is in this relationship then we must acknowledge Him first, and He will direct your paths. Prayer, fasting, and studying the Word together will allow you to grow together in the Vision of God for your lives. Do not allow the enemy to divide you amongst wills, but get on the same page through commitment, loyalty, and purity first.
 
 
M&Y Guest Writer: Brian K.Cunningham is a highly sought after motivational speaker, life coach. An ordained minister and author of 7 books ranging from self-help to fiction, Brian is a proven leader amongst his peers. Brian has a B.S. in Psychology, M.A. in Teaching, and a Doctorate in Christian Education & Counseling. Brian is a Board certified Pastoral Counselor and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Brian is available for conferences, retreats, Christian counseling and small group sessions. Brian’s ministry specializes in deliverance, healing, restoration, reconciliation, faith, stewardship, all in the name of Christian education and counseling.
 
 

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Uncategorized

The Rules of War: Five Ways of Fighting Fair

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Home Marriage

Is Your Marriage Fireproof?

My husband and I watched the movie Fireproof this weekend. I urge all married couples and engaged couples to watch it as well. While watching the movie, all I could think was, “Is MY marriage fireproof?” I want to share with you a few things I learned from the movie.
Most people have a fight or flight mentality. When conflict arises are you going to stay and fight or run and leave (flight)? For me, I have a flight mentality. When serious conflict arises, I just want to run away and be left alone. As a married person, this is not fair to my husband who has a fight mentality.
One quote from the movie that stood out to me is, “Fireproof doesn’t mean that a fire will never come… But that when it comes, you’ll be able to withstand it.”
This quote stuck out to me because conflict will come in marriage, but when it does come are you strong enough to withstand it. Are you going to unite with your spouse and commit to getting through this tough time together or are you going to give up at the first sign of trouble. Even if your spouse is not committed, you should still be committed to making your marriage work.
This leads me to the next quote, “Never leave your partner behind, especially in a fire.”
When you get married, you are one. How silly would it be to leave yourself? Imagine firefighters fighting a massive fire. At that moment, the firefighters need each other the most to ensure safety and survival. When fires come in your marriage, that is when your spouse needs you the most. You wouldn’t purposely leave yourself stranded in the middle of a forest fire or outside in a hurricane, so why would you leave your spouse stranded in the middle of a fire pertaining to your marriage?
Another quote that stood out to me is, “God made marriage to be for life. That’s why you gotta keep your vows to your spouse. You gotta ask God to teach you how to be a good husband/wife. And don’t just follow your heart, because your heart can be deceived. But you gotta lead your heart.”
Feelings are fickle. You may not always feel like loving your spouse. You may not always feel like being a good wife. You may not feel like keeping the vows you made on your wedding day because things are hard now, and it wasn’t on your wedding day. You have to make a choice and a commitment to lead your feelings. You have to make a choice to do the right thing and show your spouse love and respect even when you FEEL he/she doesn’t deserve it. Pray about it. God will show you how. Remember you vowed for better or for worse. Worse will come. Remember the commitment you made before God, your family, and your friends.
I would love to hear from you. How do you plan on ensuring your marriage is Fireproof?

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

4 Reasons why God Created Marriage

There are many great reasons to get married, for believers several of those reasons should be because we want to partner with God and his heart around this topic.  I am going to briefly share 4 biblical reasons for marriage. Most people view marriage as something solely for the two people and sometimes the extended family but God has some particular things he would like to see us model in marriage as well.
1. The kingdom is a family – The father, son and the Holy Spirit are one, they are a family. In their relationship we see the love of a father through father God, the submission of a loyal son, and his passion for a bride his church, and the compassion of  comforter, Holy Spirit. Jesus dying for the church should be modeled daily in the husbands pursuit for the wife, the honor and submission of the church to Jesus should be modeled daily through the wife.
2. Marriage is for communion and comfort–  We all have read the scripture in Genesis 2:18 that says man should not be alone. God created marriage so that we could have a partner through life, someone to walk every day out with, someone for communion, fellowship and comfort.
3.Multiply and be fruitful– Genesis 1:28 commands us to be fruitful and multiply. As believers we should have children, and in my opinion a lot of them. Every other religion sees the benefit of increasing their religion through children, I believe God has called us to expand the kingdom of God by raising mighty arrows/ children in the lord, for those who may not be able to conceive, adoption is always an option. Adoption is another way to show God’s love as we all have been adopted into the kingdom of God, do not ever be afraid to go that route. Moreover, as married couples our fruitfulness should not end with our children but in helping raise up spiritual children through mentoring and spiritual parenting, if we have a Godly heritage we can pass it and be fruitful by finding others to pour into.
4.Display of God’s love– A marriage should model and imitate the love of Jesus, when people look at your marriage they should want to know God better. The way we love our spouse should reflect the love God has for his children and vice a versa. We were all made for love, marriage is a way to display that love to the world.

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Dating/Courting Home

Why Every Single Person Better Know the Power Between Being Compatible Versus Being Suitable

The first account of marriage in the bible is found with Adam and Eve in Genesis 2:18. The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper SUITABLE for him.” (Emphasis mine)
God determined it was not good for man to be alone, so He created a woman who was just right for him. Now, in today’s culture we have become much more accustomed to compatibility versus suitability.
Let’s compare the two.
Compatible: able to exist or occur together without conflict.
Suitable: right or appropriate for a particular person, purpose, or situation.
Do you see why our generation has settled for a compatible person versus a suitable person? It is with a compatible person you focus more on external similarities such as: hobbies, friends, and interests.
Just because you both can laugh together over a movie and play basketball against one another does not make them a suitable spouse for you.
Suitability is the biblical term used in Genesis to describe the type of mate God created for Adam. A person who is suitable for you goes beyond similar interests, but more into the purpose of God for that person’s life. I agreed to not be in any relationship until after I graduated high school, which I successfully completed.
I did not enter into my first committed relationship until my second year of college. She was a great girl who loved God, and had a true desire for ministry. Everything made sense in my mind because we were very compatible and all of my friends were in complete support of it. It started out as a friendship, and eventually developed into more.
I would spend hours with God begging Him to tell me if she was the one.
I began to ride on the roller coaster of emotions rather than being patient to get a peace from God. One day while being on an emotional high, it resulted in me asking her into a committed relationship. From the first day I knew I had made a mistake.
Because I did not want to look bad in front of my friends, and also hurt her, I continued in the relationship believing I would eventually fall for her. That relationship lasted six months which it was a constant up and down roller-coaster for me going back and forth whether she was my wife or not.
One day I had a talk with a friend of mine that had been in a similar situation in a previous relationship. He said to me, “Jamal, God is too good to give you something you don’t desire.” I took that phrase to God, and asked Him, if it was true. For the first time in those six months I was honest with myself about how I really felt. I ended the relationship and fortunately we stayed pure during our time together.
There had been no physical tie, but an emotional tie did develop because of the seriousness of the relationship. She was a great friend and we were very much compatible, but we were not suitable. When a person suits your life there will be a peace because it means God has blessed the now, and the later.
The freedom that came over me after I ended the relationship was unexplainable in words. I knew I had put my life back into God hands, and I did not want to make the mistake of depending on myself ever again.
This is why it is imperative for you, as a believer, to pursue someone who is not only a believer, but also as spiritually mature as you. To determine suitability you must have the involvement of God in the relationship. A person who is suitable for you will be beneficial and necessary for God’s plan for your life.
 
This is an excerpt from my book, 25 Ways to Prepare for Marriage Other than Dating which is an Amazon Best Seller selling thousands of copies in a matter of weeks. This book will BLESS your entire life and then some! You can click here to purchase!

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