Category: Home

Categories
Home

7 Ways to Survive a Hard Season

“I used to be so bold. I had dreams. Now I’m just a bench warmer.” Such were my thoughts after returning from the mission field. Though we had heard God’s instruction to return home, I carried a sense of failure. I felt like I had laid everything to rest that I had fought so hard for, but I couldn’t explain why. I was feeling tired, invisible, easily offended, discouraged, and extremely cynical.
I wish it weren’t so, but there are just some things we only learn in the wilderness. The wilderness (or some call it the valley) is that special little place where it seems like God is silent, everybody hates you, and everything that can go wrong, will.
All sarcasm aside, we have all experienced it.
When these season fall upon us, every corner of our lives is affected, not excluding marriage. The Bible, in Matthew 4, Mark 1, and Luke 4, tells us how Jesus dealt with the wilderness. Though Jesus’ wilderness experience demonstrated that Jesus is the Son of God, it also created a template for us to grasp in those dry times.
If you’re married, the wilderness will affect either you, your spouse, or both of you. In fact, in my experience, I haven’t been through one of these dry seasons in which my wife wasn’t right there with me, staving off death, right alongside me.
Here are seven facts about the wilderness, your “Spiritual Wilderness Survival Guide”:
1. It’s hard. No sugar-coating, here. If you’re in the wilderness, I know it hurts. The wilderness, either by God’s design, your own, or the enemy’s is very hard. (John 16:33)
2. It’s a season. Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us of the seasons of life for every person. God may have you in your season of the wilderness for a year, maybe two, or maybe just for a few months. Every season varies. We see examples of long seasons of the wilderness (Numbers 32:13) and shorter seasons (Matthew 4, Mark 1, Luke 4). The encouraging takeaway is this: it won’t last forever.
3. God is sovereign. The Gospel accounts of the Lord’s wilderness experience depict a God-ordained wilderness. Maybe you caused your wilderness. Maybe Hell’s assignment against you is ferocious. Or maybe the Lord is developing faith that won’t blow over in the wind on the mountains.
4. Discouragement is your worst enemy in this season. If you find yourself trekking through the lonely valley, discouragement is the enemy’s weapon of choice. He loves to dismantle the notion of divine destiny. He thrives when you heed phantom, irrational fears. Know this: if you’re in the wilderness and you’re discouraged, you are a target. (I Peter 4:12, Hebrews 4:15)
5. Prayer and worship will carry you vast distances. In Acts 16:25-34 Paul and Silas sang in their prison! In my own seasons of the wilderness, worship was not desirous at all. I didn’t want to fabricate love when I didn’t feel it. But this weapon of worship is a game-changer! Worship, even when you don’t feel it, speaks the language of faith, which God pursues! Don’t hold back your song. Pray together, couples! You just may be a song away from the valley to the mountain.
6. Your spouse is not the enemy. In the wilderness moments, when the tension and chaos of life relentlessly infringe on your peace, there’s a tendency for hardness of heart to turn spouses against one another. In our wilderness season, I interpreted my wife’s exhortations as criticism and pretension! Your spouse is not your enemy, that’s a mirage. Your journey in the wilderness is your spouse’s journey in the wilderness. Encourage one another in the Lord!
7. There is war in the wilderness. Jesus didn’t surrender. He knew His authority! With every “right-hook lie” of the enemy, Jesus countered with the Sword of the Spirit — God’s Word! In the wilderness seasons, it may seem like nothing is going right. Your car may break down, your health goes haywire, dissension rises in your family. Rise up, husbands. Don’t despair, wives. Don’t buckle, knuckle up! You’re not a victor, you’re more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)!
Run to God, cling to your spouse, and fasten your eyes on hope. The wilderness is a season and God has a reason.
What have you learned in the wilderness?

Categories
Home

3 Reasons Why Being Married is Better

1. You Live Longer
According to the Health Research Fund married Men live 17 years longer than single men. Single men’s risk of death is also 32% higher than their married counterparts. Why is this? Well according to the Health Research Fund, married men eat better than single men. Married men tend to eat more home cooked meals, while single men eat out. Single men are also less likely to workout, tend to smoke more and are more likely to partake in risky behavior.
2. You Make More Money
According to the Census Bureau, in 2010 the median net worth for a married couple between the ages of 55 and 64 was $261,405. That compares to $71,428 for a man heading a household, and $39,043 for a woman heading a household. In the Today article, “Why Married People Tend to Be Wealthier”, it states that married couples are able to combine their income, share expenses and utilize only one of the insurances. With the shared household duties, one of the spouses is even able to put in extra hours to impress the boss and get a promotion.
3. You Have Better Sex
According to a survey by the Kinsey Institute over 85 percent of married couples in their late 20s have sex at least a few times a month, compared with 35 percent of singles. There are many reasons for this phenomenon. One thing’s for sure since you don’t have to use a condom sex is much more pleasurable. Not to mention, since you trust each other, you’re more likely to suggest new things since there’s less fear of judgement. Also, familiarity plays a huge role. Married couples get a lot of practice with each other and have the time to get know what each other likes. One-night-stands are so overrated.
So, being married is way better than being single. You’ll live longer, make more money, and have better sex. What more do you need? Love. Oh yeah. There’s a bunch of love in marriage too.
Enjoy your day.
Joel Pearson

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage News Parenting Uncategorized

Balancing the Prophet and Person in Marriage

From the Desk of The Modern Day Cindi: There are few things I have considered more challenging as a prophetic person than giving directions with no answers OR bringing validity in ambiguity. Balancing the prophet and the person in marriage is equally interesting.
When I first met my husband, I just started to understand who I was in the kingdom of God.  I knew that I received understandings or revelations from the Lord, but I had not yet linked that the open ear to heaven during the night and what I saw during the day was a gift. I did, however, begin to realize something new was happening. And to my delight, the more I pressed in, the more understanding I received.
Naturally, there are insights that God gives and gifts a prophetic person. As a wife and a seer, I believe that the gift has taken on new life as I have been given insights that I did not have before for: protection of the family, to aid in vision delivery, and alignment with God’s will. Because I have been given an opportunity to go beyond the veil, my communication to heaven and hubby has to be well-timed and considerate, placing extra attention to the sensitivity of my spouse because of his role in the marriage, as well as in the kingdom.
As a result, there have been many times that my attempts to deliver insight or revelation to my husband may not have been received or even taken seriously. I had to learn not to let his rebuffs deter what needed to be said as a vessel of the Lord. I also had to consistently undergo a character check to ensure it was not a flaw within myself that has created a barrier or impediment for the word of the Lord being received. Moreover, I had to remind myself not to over-personalize anything and stick to the mission/message at hand.
Equally while concerned about my character, I have to balance that with the word of God. As a prophetic person, even in my spirituality, I am still a human created to do Gods’ will on earth, so the word of the Lord is just as applicable in my life as it is in the lives of others. Therefore, as a wife, I am constantly thinking of not hurting or offending my husband e.g. not being a nag, not destroying communication, building up credibility, and still honoring my spouse.
Hence, although we speak the word of the Lord, we are not God; so with our spouse and the rest of the family unit here are a few things to remember to balance the prophet and the person in the marriage:

  1. Pray, Pray, Pray. Our first response to everything is prayer, especially in the home. Praying is our first line of defense, our weapon of warfare, and our direct channel to the Lord. We are not praying to get our way, but praying God’s will. It is the only way you can receive the revelation of God and restore peace. (James 5:16)
  2. God delights in peace, not discord; he is not the author of confusion. (Proverbs 6:19; I Corinthians 14:33)
  3. Exercise wisdom (Proverbs 4: 6-7)
  4. Know how to adjust your tone how to approach an area of sensitivity (Proverbs 16: 24 and Proverbs 15:1)
  5. Don’t be ruled by your emotions Prophetic people are sensitive; super sensitive! I have had to learn through much trial and error not to take anything personal, not to project my opinion, and also know how to let the spirit of the Lord speak when I could not. (Jeremiah 17:9)

 
 

Categories
Home

Why I Stopped Dating "Random" People

In 2012, I learned of a new term coined by the beautiful Heather Lindsey, “Randoms”. Heather was known for her “No Random” slogan, which young ladies around the WORLD identified with, including myself. Well, kind of.
Pre-Heather Lindsey, I thought dating a random was cool, as long as he was a “Christian random”. Lets face it, no one was showing any “real” interest in me; why not date the “cute” but “not fully sold out for Christ” guy I met at bible study? I mean, he loves Jesus or he wouldn’t be at bible study, right?!?  Allow me to share with you how God wrecked me in the matter of seconds.
I had just returned home from staying the night with this gentleman, nothing happened, we actually watched bible study online, ate and went to sleep. When I returned home the next day, I was super excited! I remember lying down for a nap, thinking about all the things I would cook for him the next time. In the middle of my thoughts, I heard God say “How can I send you your husband, when you’re playing wife to someone else”. My response “ Come again God” but he didn’t repeat himself.
Completely perplexed, I reached for my bible. I used some random method of picking a book & chapter to read. If it spoke to me regarding what I thought he said, I’d know he really said it.  So, I randomly landed on 2nd John, which only has one chapter. In that one chapter, God managed to confirm what I “thought” I heard.
So what was there to fear in dating this “Random”? Read and see:
Potential for Loss
“ Watch out that you do not lose what we have worked hard for” -2nd John 1:8a
I don’t have time to go through my back-story, however if you’re interested check out my story at lovebyencouragement.com (shameless plug). In a nutshell, I went from being a girl willing to ignore her faith for a guy, to being completely sold out for Christ. Over the last two years, I had been faithful in serving God, working in ministry, faithfully attending bible study and Sunday service, as well as spending personal time with God. I WORKED MY BUTT OFF to rekindle my relationship with Christ. One wrong mistake, and I could have been ensnared by the very thing God delivered me from 2 years prior.
Forfeited Reward
“But that you may be fully rewarded” 2nd John 1:8B
At that time, my heart’s desire was to be in a serious God-fearing relationship. I knew God was preparing me for the gentleman that would captivate my heart, but I chose to entertain others in the meantime. Plus this guy was really sweet and he liked Jesus, I would help him get to the point of love. But God already had someone for me; that someone loved God with not only his words, but also his lifestyle. Had I settled for this “random”, I would have never had the opportunity to experience the FULLNESS of my reward!
Disconnection From God
“Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God” 2nd John 1:9
In the short time of dating him, I remember some of my convictions becoming weaker. I would fake curse, saying things like “AWWWWW D-word” (mind you I’ve never been a curser) and I began drinking every now and then. Not to say having a drink is bad, but because of what drinking represented for me earlier in life, I vowed not to drink anymore. Any who, all this to say my personal conviction became weaker as I dated this “random”.
There you have it! After reading 2nd John chapter one, I couldn’t even take my nap. From then on, I made it my business to RUN from every random that presented himself to me. I could never get verses 12-13 out of my head:
(MSG) If anyone shows up who doesn’t hold to this teaching, don’t invite him in and give him run of the place. That would give him a platform to perpetuate his evil ways, making you his partner.
If you take nothing else from this blog, understand that “randoms” come with a cost. They may cost you wasted time, money, a spiritual set back, or even your final reward. Choose wisely whom you choose to date, and never forget to ask God what he thinks. He’ll do the same for you, as he did for me. Remember, warning comes before destruction!

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Uncategorized

An Apology's Role in Offense

It is noble to want to not offend anyone…especially in marriage. Many people have avoided arguments, not spoken their mind, and dodged awkward conversations for the fear of offending their spouse. However, the reality is that offense is bound to happen at least once in your lifetime…and if you are married at least once there too.  Although the goal is not to intentionally offend anyone, the key is to be discerning and observant to when offense has occurred and quickly make haste to rectify the situation.
So, can there be reconciliation and restoration after offense? Yes, but the matter lies solely on the two persons involved in the offense. Of course there are different levels to when and how the reconciliation can occur in a marriage, but it can all begin with a sincere, heartfelt apology. A simple “I’M SORRY” can spell out safety, growth, and love in your relationship and prevent an offense from turning into a crippling injury.
So, here are the seven components of An Apology’s Role in Offense:
I – Introspective – It is saying “I own my wrong; I made a mistake or misstep in what I said or how I handled the situation.” This introspective look builds character. It forces you to look inside your ego and pride and take ownership of your offense and how it affects your spouse.
M – Movement – It moves the situation forward to a place where correction and discussion can be had. An apology mellows the person that you’ve hurt and offended. Prov. 15:1 says that a soft answer turns away wrath. By apologizing, you give your loved one an opportunity to calm themselves so that the conflict won’t continue and a resolution can begin to be reached.
S – Spoken – An apology must be spoken. It opens up the lines of communication and it serves as an act of humility and acquiescence. Confession is not silent…It is one thing to know you are wrong, but it is quite another to verbalize it. The spoken word of the apology releases both parties from bondage. James 5:16 says to confess your faults to one another.
O – Original – It has to be original, genuine, and authentic; it must be from the heart! Authenticity can be discerned and you will create even more tension with an unoriginal apology. Don’t make your apology lukewarm. God says that he spews the lukewarm out of his mouth (Rev.3:16) and so shall a lukewarm apology be rejected.
R – Relevant & Responsive – Make sure your apology is relevant and responsive to the issue(s) that caused the offense. Because of pride, you must be careful not to apology for something that wasn’t the issue. An apology that does not address the issue renders it irrelevant and meaningless.
R – Reasonable – An apology should be given in a reasonable manner in a reasonable amount of time. Once you are aware of how your action offended your loved one, then apologize for offending them and seek to understand why they were offended. The apology should provide comfort and solace to “Make for peace and mutual up building” (Romans 14:19).
Y – Yield – An apology should show that you yielded to the bigger picture, correcting an errant action, regardless of being right. There are situations where the offender may actually be justified for their actions. What was said or done was actually correct, but the result was offense. If your action was to correct not condemn, then an apology for the offense will help correct it, assist in extinguishing the emotion of the situation, and help usher in corrective communication because we never want our “good to be evil spoken of” (Romans 14:16).
Remember, apologizing is the first step to reconciliation. It opens your spouse up for further discussion about the issue that caused the offense. An apology does not resolve it, but is a wonderful start. An apology does not mean that the offense won’t be done again, nor does it mean you are automatically forgiven. An apology is, however, a step in the right direction and a sign that the journey towards forgiveness has begun. So apologize…and mean it!
 
 

Categories
Home

7 Ways to Overcome Sadness & Loneliness This Holiday Season

I remember a few years ago as the holiday season was approaching I felt a wave of sadness come over me as I “suddenly” became aware that I was still single and celebrating yet another holiday without a companion. I just remember being sad and feeling lonely. I loved (still do) the idea of having someone special who could come to the family dinners with me, laugh and have a great time together. I cringed at the painful reality of attending another function alone and having to bare the embarrassment behind the BIG question! Oh you know it, “so, when are you going to get married?” The following holiday I just wanted to be alone and left to wallow in my sadness. What I did not realize was that every year prior as the holidays approached I would feel this sadness.
Can you relate? I’d like to shed some light on a few things. First, loneliness and sadness are both a state of being. In fact Wikipedia defines loneliness as: a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation or lack of companionship. Second, what I was experiencing and maybe what you are feeling right now, is a demonic attack on your emotions to push you into a cycle of depression and loneliness.
Statistics show that the suicide rate is 40% higher following Christmas than any other time of the year and is linked to people feeling the sadness of not having relational satisfaction. That could be anything from a lack of a companion or relationship with family members. If you are battling with sadness I’d like to share what helped me overcome those negative emotions during a time that was meant for joy and celebration.
 

  1. Pray. The most beneficial and effective thing we can ever do for ourselves is to pray. Prayer helps us enter into the presence of God; He chases those negative feelings away.
  2. Renew your mind. Most times our perspectives are just all wrong! If left unchecked, can skew our vision and rob us of happiness. Get in the word of God and seek godly counsel, your perspectives will
  3. Don’t be alone. Surround yourself with people who love you. Get out of that rut, go OUT and have some FUN!
  4. Talk about it. All too often we suffer silently about our struggles when there is help available. Don’t be afraid to tell someone how you are feeling.
  5. Give—empty yourself. How can you serve someone else in need right now?
  6. Let gratefulness fill your lips! Gratitude has a way of changing our perspectives from the negative to the positive. Try it, “today, I am grateful for…”
  7. Realize that happiness comes from within. A companion does not guarantee happiness or contentment. If you are not happy alone, then you won’t be happy with someone.

I do not wish that you just cope with loneliness this holiday season but that you overcome it.
 
 

Categories
Home

It Wasn’t Supposed to End Like This…

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

2 Biblically Effective Ways to Get Rid of Your Past

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Parenting

4 Ways Marriage Has Made Me a Better Human Being

Jonnese and I met each other my senior year of high school. There’s no way I would’ve predicted that years later, at the young age of 20, I would be married! If you knew me at all, just the thought of that is insane! My relationships didn’t last more than three months, life was one big party constantly lived for the moment and I was nowhere near a healthy, stable or mature state to be responsible for other lives let alone my own highly dysfunctional self.

I should’ve been the last of my friends to settle down and be serious about marriage and this whole “starting a family” thing. In fact, I thought it was a joke! The pursuit I had for my life was for the pleasure and success of me. But as we all know, God tends to have extremely different plans.

Anyone who’s had children or married young will tell you, it challenges you to grow up and mature pretty quickly. Not everyone does, but any sincere person who cares for the well being of their child and spouse has to make changes and make them immediately for their survival; mentally and physically.

Although I never planned to get married and have a family young I don’t at all regret it. I thank God because my family saved me from the destructive path I was on, reeled me in and molded me into a better person for so many reasons.

Marriage has taught me:

  1. To Accept Differences

Sure everyone is different, we know that much. Different races, personalities and backgrounds are things we briefly encounter day to day. But what happens when you have to live with those differences every day and it affects you in a personal way.

Well, honestly you’re forced to understand, respect and work those differences out if your marriage is going to have any chance of surviving. Because you will be more different than you thought!

In the beginning its cute. It’s interesting! Its no big deal. Until you realize you handle struggles differently, you communicate differently which creates barriers when conflict arises or now you have kids and raise them differently based on your individual backgrounds. Differences can easily create conflict in the home. What was once tolerable shortly becomes intolerable when it imposes on your life personally.

Marriage forces you to identify those differences, come to a full understanding of one another and mutually agree on how to work through them on a day to day basis to gain a common goal; a healthy growing family. When you can master this in your home, it’s only preparation for being able to deal with the differences we will face in our world in a positive manner.

 

  1. To Forgive the Unforgivable

Let face it, human mistakes won’t end just because you said “I do.” We’ve been raised on fairy-tale endings of happily ever after, but what really did Snow White and Prince Charming face long after they rode into the sunset?

Perfection and completion finishing at the altar of marriage just isn’t reality. In fact, your spouse may disappoint you a number of times as you will them. As imperfect humans we make mistakes, we learn, we grow from them. And boy is marriage a life lesson of learning and growing.

When you’re in a marriage, two become one, and so everything they do directly affects you. There’s no equal unity so closely bonded like a marriage. No relationship we ever have is like our marriage and so we may have never experienced this dynamic where every choice, no matter how big or how small, one person makes impacts our own life every time in such a personal way.

That includes their mistakes. They will mess up. They will do things the wrong way. They will say the wrong things at the wrong time. They will make you question how this will continue to work this way.

That’s what happens when two imperfect people come together. They become an imperfect couple. But grace is the substance that makes the unworkable, somehow work. So we forgive and we grow again and again and again.

And just when it seems like we got it, we do it all over again. It is the God kind of love that keeps marriages fueled. When we can master the act of grace in our homes, from experience we’re taught how to extend constant grace towards others in the outside world.

 

  1. To Not be Reactive

Reactive behavior is when our choices and behaviors are dependent on the choices and behaviors of others rather than us being responsible for our own selves. Thing like, “they made me act this way” or “maybe if they didn’t do this then I wouldn’t have done this”. It absolves us of all responsibility for ourselves. It’s when our behavior is determined by and reacts base on someone else. Reactive people are ruled by feelings and conditions.

On the other hand proactive people don’t blame others or circumstances for their behavior but act from their own conscious choice based on their values. They determine to focus their efforts on the positive things they can do to shift the situation.

For example, I’m not going to curse you out just because you cursed me out. That doesn’t align with the foundational values I stand on in my life and so I choose to not be reactive by letting your actions determine my own.

When you’re married, again, everything the other person does always affects you personally just from being one and sharing the same living space every day; from their behavior, reactions, language, word choice, etc. In every healthy relationship at some point someone has to choose peace and the bigger picture over being “right”. That’s choosing not to be proactive and not reactive.

If you want your marriage to survive you soon find that retaliation, revenge and pushing buttons back goes nowhere but down. So you quickly learn, or need to learn, the self-discipline of not being reactive. When we can master the choice to not be reactive based on the behaviors of others we can then go out into the world making positive changes rather than conforming to every negative circumstance.

 

  1. To Commit to a Life of Sacrifice

Marriage is sacrifice period. Biblically both leave their families and cleave to one another to begin a new family. The wife submits to the headship of her husband and the husband lays down his life to accommodate his wife time and time again. There’s this ongoing balance of sacrifice consistently being made.

There’s this quote I love that says, “Great marriages are made when husbands and wives make a lot of everyday choices that say ‘I love you’ rather than choices that say ‘I love me’.

And the truth is, in order for any relationship to work there has to be a mutual willingness to sacrifice for one another otherwise it becomes one sided and the other person will soon feel taken advantage of. That kind of model will collapse and won’t last long anytime someone feels unappreciated or unnoticed.

Marriage takes financial sacrifices, sacrificing what I want to do for what you want to do, sacrificing self-fulfilling desires, sacrificing time and much more. You’ve made a vow to commit your life to this person as your partner and you as their support through good and bad till death do you part. And every day you are dedicating to upkeep this vow mostly out of the goodness of love. Learning to make these kinds of sacrifices, putting another’s life and interests before your own, day in and day out teaches you tremendously the heart of sacrifice when it comes to those around you.

When I look back on the person I use to be and was headed towards I can honestly say that marriage has kept me grounded and matured me. It has made me a better human being in general because of the way its molded my heart to learn how to work through and accept the differences of others, to extend grace a midst mistakes, to maintain a positive reaction and live a life of sacrifice. Sometimes we focus so heavy on being ready for marriage that we don’t realize many times it’s the marriage that shapes us.

Was this helpful and is there anything marriage has taught you in growing to become a better person? Don’t be afraid to comment below! I’d love to hear back from you.

Categories
Home

“Indicators You're Not Ready for a New Relationship Or Marriage.”

Although, no one will ever be perfect when entering into a new relationship or marriage, there are some indicators that are evident when a man or woman is not ready to enter into a relationship or marriage. Some indicators (but not limited to) are as follows:
1. If you are SELFISH you may not be ready for a relationship or marriage. Relationships are give and take…not take and take. In order to grow with another individual you will have to learn how to sacrifice and give to the other person. Whether it is your time, energy, commitment, etc. selflessness is a great characteristic of an individual who will make a good husband or wife. Selfishness is one of the number one reasons why relationships do not work out. Selfish people do NOT make good mates.
2. If you have baggage from past relationships– If you still have ill feeling towards your ex and is still affected by what they did or didn’t do for you, it is a red flag to stop and not proceed into a new relationship. When a man or woman has hurt, pain, bitterness, unforgiveness, regret and other unhealed issues from past relationships, it is inevitable they will carry these issues into their new relationship. When hurt is present, inner vows are produced as a defense mechanism and the wounded individual does everything he/she can to prevent themselves from being hurt again. The problem with this is that a barrier and a wall is built and the heart of that individual becomes hardened to prevent anyone else from having access to it. Healing is necessary before moving forward into new relationships. If not, you risk hurting the man/or woman God intended for you to love.
3. If your have idolatry of relationships and marriage– If a person idolizes relationships or marriage their perceptions, discernment and decision making processes is likely to be hindered and distorted. When a man/woman desires a relationship or marriage more than they desire the will of God for their life, they will settle for anyone. Idolatry of relationships is dangerous and it causes individuals to make poor decisions that are often detrimental to their life. It leads to ungodly cycles and soul ties from entering into relationships with the wrong people and an inability to focus on the plans of God. Desiring relationships and marriage is a good thing, however idolizing it is not the intention of God and its offensive to him because he should be the only idol in our lives.
While you are unmarried and in a season of “singleness” it is important to allow God to deal with any issues that has the power to negatively influence your future relationship. Learning how to become selfless, receiving healing from past relationships, allowing God to remove all ungodly idols from your heart and surrendering every area of your life to God in order to allow him to transform you into the future wife or husband he desires for you to become, is one of the best gifts you can give to your future spouse.