“I used to be so bold. I had dreams. Now I’m just a bench warmer.” Such were my thoughts after returning from the mission field. Though we had heard God’s instruction to return home, I carried a sense of failure. I felt like I had laid everything to rest that I had fought so hard for, but I couldn’t explain why. I was feeling tired, invisible, easily offended, discouraged, and extremely cynical.
I wish it weren’t so, but there are just some things we only learn in the wilderness. The wilderness (or some call it the valley) is that special little place where it seems like God is silent, everybody hates you, and everything that can go wrong, will.
All sarcasm aside, we have all experienced it.
When these season fall upon us, every corner of our lives is affected, not excluding marriage. The Bible, in Matthew 4, Mark 1, and Luke 4, tells us how Jesus dealt with the wilderness. Though Jesus’ wilderness experience demonstrated that Jesus is the Son of God, it also created a template for us to grasp in those dry times.
If you’re married, the wilderness will affect either you, your spouse, or both of you. In fact, in my experience, I haven’t been through one of these dry seasons in which my wife wasn’t right there with me, staving off death, right alongside me.
Here are seven facts about the wilderness, your “Spiritual Wilderness Survival Guide”:
1. It’s hard. No sugar-coating, here. If you’re in the wilderness, I know it hurts. The wilderness, either by God’s design, your own, or the enemy’s is very hard. (John 16:33)
2. It’s a season. Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us of the seasons of life for every person. God may have you in your season of the wilderness for a year, maybe two, or maybe just for a few months. Every season varies. We see examples of long seasons of the wilderness (Numbers 32:13) and shorter seasons (Matthew 4, Mark 1, Luke 4). The encouraging takeaway is this: it won’t last forever.
3. God is sovereign. The Gospel accounts of the Lord’s wilderness experience depict a God-ordained wilderness. Maybe you caused your wilderness. Maybe Hell’s assignment against you is ferocious. Or maybe the Lord is developing faith that won’t blow over in the wind on the mountains.
4. Discouragement is your worst enemy in this season. If you find yourself trekking through the lonely valley, discouragement is the enemy’s weapon of choice. He loves to dismantle the notion of divine destiny. He thrives when you heed phantom, irrational fears. Know this: if you’re in the wilderness and you’re discouraged, you are a target. (I Peter 4:12, Hebrews 4:15)
5. Prayer and worship will carry you vast distances. In Acts 16:25-34 Paul and Silas sang in their prison! In my own seasons of the wilderness, worship was not desirous at all. I didn’t want to fabricate love when I didn’t feel it. But this weapon of worship is a game-changer! Worship, even when you don’t feel it, speaks the language of faith, which God pursues! Don’t hold back your song. Pray together, couples! You just may be a song away from the valley to the mountain.
6. Your spouse is not the enemy. In the wilderness moments, when the tension and chaos of life relentlessly infringe on your peace, there’s a tendency for hardness of heart to turn spouses against one another. In our wilderness season, I interpreted my wife’s exhortations as criticism and pretension! Your spouse is not your enemy, that’s a mirage. Your journey in the wilderness is your spouse’s journey in the wilderness. Encourage one another in the Lord!
7. There is war in the wilderness. Jesus didn’t surrender. He knew His authority! With every “right-hook lie” of the enemy, Jesus countered with the Sword of the Spirit — God’s Word! In the wilderness seasons, it may seem like nothing is going right. Your car may break down, your health goes haywire, dissension rises in your family. Rise up, husbands. Don’t despair, wives. Don’t buckle, knuckle up! You’re not a victor, you’re more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)!
Run to God, cling to your spouse, and fasten your eyes on hope. The wilderness is a season and God has a reason.
What have you learned in the wilderness?
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