Category: Engaged

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Engaged Marriage Parenting

3 Biblical Earmarks of a Good Wife

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. (Proverbs 21:19 NIV)

I always had a bit of a problem with the phrase, “Happy wife, happy life.” It made me feel as if I could disrupt an entire place of solitude if I was unhappy. That my husband would forever have to walk on eggshells to ensure a peaceful home. Because heaven forbid I get upset; I would make life miserable for everyone in our household. Those are the thoughts I would get anytime I heard this phrase. It made me mad and yet confused. Is it true that the entire well being and happiness of my house depends on me? That if I get mad or upset everyone is doomed to suffer?

Well I decided to look at what God says… So I stumble across the verse above Proverbs 21:19. By the way, this isn’t the only verse like that. In Proverbs there are a few verses that state it’s better to live on the rooftop then share a house with a quarrelsome wife. I guess that is the equivalent to sleeping on the couch back in the day. Wow! So even the Bible warns about an unhappy nagging wife. But what does that mean for me? Am I never to have bad days or never argue my point?

WRONG! There’s only a handful of verses on the nagging wife part, however there’s a whole lot more on what a good wife is. And although many of us have looked at the Proverbs 31 woman as daunting and unrealistic, there is some great concepts on what a good wife is. Here are some of the things I’ve learned:

1. What she says is worthwhile and kindness is on her tongue. The key here is: Think about what you are going to say. Your words have impact and can bring life or death. Even if you are correcting your children or husband, watch your words. Notice it says the “law” of kindness. The Greek word for law here is Tworah meaning direction or instruction. She gives direction and instruction through kindness. Whether that means you have to take a breather to calm down from the situation or you have to speak softer without harsh words. You can give instruction and correction without belittling or tearing down.

2. She brings him good not harm all the days of her life. This goes hand in hand with the previous point. Your husband is counting on you to be a blessing to him. “But you don’t understand how he frustrates me!” Okay, maybe he does things that bug you or maybe there is a lack of things he doesn’t do. Whatever it may be, speak to the man who you want him to become. Treat him as though he is everything you could ever want in a husband. Do it even when he doesn’t deserve it. Because chances are, he gets frustrated with you too. Give grace and uplift him. Before you know it, the man you treat him as won’t be able to hide anymore. If you see the gold in him he will begin to believe it. If you say and treat him as the best husband in the world, he will begin to see himself like that. Do the same with your kids. See the gold in them and bring it out. 

3. And last, she laughs at the days to come. This indicates to me that all of her days are not easy. Yet she doesn’t let the circumstances determine her joy. She is filled with joy in all situations. Noticed I said joy, happiness can be circumstantial, but joy is a way of being. It is choosing to stay joyful even in frustrating or difficult situations. Sure there may be days that you cry, days that you shout, but at the end of it all you know that your joy runs deep. It runs deep with roots into the everlasting joy of knowing that you are a daughter of an incredible Father who loves you.

I think for me the saying “Happy wife, happy life” is totally true. However, I don’t depend on my husband or children to determine my happiness. I choose to stay joyful and happy in all things. Do I have my bad days, sure, we all do. But I know that my state of happiness is dependent on MY CHOICE to stay joyful. And yes I am a happy wife, therefore I choose to bring life to everyone around me. Be a Happy Wife, Bring Life. 

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Engaged Marriage

3 Reasons Why I Told My Wife the Truth

It is said that there are 5 levels to truth telling. Tell the truth to yourself. Then you tell the truth to yourself about another. At the third level, you tell the truth about yourself to another. Then you tell your truth about another to that other. And, finally you tell the truth to everyone about everything. Its ironic that a healthy marriage requires telling the truth at all of these levels, but if we can all be honest, telling the truth can be one of the most challenging things to do at times.   It is challenging because we get married with this thinking that our marriage may have issues, but it won’t be like “their” marriage.
I learned the value in telling my wife the truth early on in our marriage when struggling with insecurities and the effects of issues from the past. I despised the person I became when I hid things from her, and I would come up with every excuse to why I shouldn’t share those personal things with her. But, then God revealed to me that this was all apart of the process to make us one! These are 3 benefits to sharing the truth with your spouse.
1. The Truth Promotes a Safe Place
A safe place in your marriage is a must for establishing conducive moments for healthy communication. When your marriage is a place of safety then you and your spouse will be confident in sharing those deep things in your heart.
An open heart is the product of an established safe place. Creating a safe place requires trusting one another, and a judgment free zone. When you married your spouse, they were not perfect, and they wont ever be perfect. Accepting that is the beginning to establishing a safe place for you and your spouse to grow into the person God has destined for you to become.
2. The Truth Brings you Closer
The truth will bring you and your spouse together. There are things that happen during your day that you can just hide in your heart from your spouse. There are also those things that are happening in your marriage that you would like to open up to your spouse about.
Both scenarios are a great opportunity to draw closer to your spouse. When it came time for me to share some deep things in my heart to my wife, I was very nervous. I prayed about it, and asked God to help me communicate it. Once I finally got the courage to share those things with her, it brought us closer. This is the building blocks of a great marriage.
3. The Truth Keeps the Devil Out
The bible says that the devil is the prince of darkness. Anything you’re hiding from your spouse opens the door for the devil to use it to destroy you and your marriage. Secrets within marriage are very dangerous. Anything from a co-worker flirting with you, an old relationship getting in contact with you, or maybe you did something that you feel convicted about.
All of these situations the devil would love to get in the middle of and use it to destroy your marriage. Tell the truth! Be honest about the things happening in your life because the scripture is right, the truth shall truly set you free! A marriage that has a safe place grows from the truth being shared.

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Engaged

Protecting My Marriage from Scandal

After the second season of Scandal ended I was hooked. I was so disappointed like most people that I had to wait so many months to begin watching it again. The crazy story lines and shenanigans of the powerful, rich and famous had me intrigued and sometimes on the edge of my couch.  And then there was the “elephant in the room” of this this show…the “love” story of Olivia and Fitz.  I knew it was obviously a major storyline but I tried to overlook it and try to keep watching.  I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal because of all the other twists and turns of the show but the Holy Spirit would not let me.
I realized the show was sowing weeds instead of fruit in my life. The show is glorifying the fact that this woman is powerful and a mistress. If I believed and valued what the word says about marriage, I had to stop watching it.
I have enough outside distractions that attempt to corrupt my marriage and it’s value and I did not want to continually invite the unhealthy images and thoughts into my head.  So one day I told my husband that I had had enough and I have not looked back since. The word says in the book of Matthew that even looking at someone with a lustful eye is adultery. Here are some other scriptures to ponder on.
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
1 Peter 2:11
Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls.
There are many other shows that didn’t make the cut and were canceled in our household. I love my husband and I want to do everything possible to make sure I do fall victim to lust. What shows, movies, music don’t you think you could do without?

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage News Parenting Uncategorized

Balancing the Prophet and Person in Marriage

From the Desk of The Modern Day Cindi: There are few things I have considered more challenging as a prophetic person than giving directions with no answers OR bringing validity in ambiguity. Balancing the prophet and the person in marriage is equally interesting.
When I first met my husband, I just started to understand who I was in the kingdom of God.  I knew that I received understandings or revelations from the Lord, but I had not yet linked that the open ear to heaven during the night and what I saw during the day was a gift. I did, however, begin to realize something new was happening. And to my delight, the more I pressed in, the more understanding I received.
Naturally, there are insights that God gives and gifts a prophetic person. As a wife and a seer, I believe that the gift has taken on new life as I have been given insights that I did not have before for: protection of the family, to aid in vision delivery, and alignment with God’s will. Because I have been given an opportunity to go beyond the veil, my communication to heaven and hubby has to be well-timed and considerate, placing extra attention to the sensitivity of my spouse because of his role in the marriage, as well as in the kingdom.
As a result, there have been many times that my attempts to deliver insight or revelation to my husband may not have been received or even taken seriously. I had to learn not to let his rebuffs deter what needed to be said as a vessel of the Lord. I also had to consistently undergo a character check to ensure it was not a flaw within myself that has created a barrier or impediment for the word of the Lord being received. Moreover, I had to remind myself not to over-personalize anything and stick to the mission/message at hand.
Equally while concerned about my character, I have to balance that with the word of God. As a prophetic person, even in my spirituality, I am still a human created to do Gods’ will on earth, so the word of the Lord is just as applicable in my life as it is in the lives of others. Therefore, as a wife, I am constantly thinking of not hurting or offending my husband e.g. not being a nag, not destroying communication, building up credibility, and still honoring my spouse.
Hence, although we speak the word of the Lord, we are not God; so with our spouse and the rest of the family unit here are a few things to remember to balance the prophet and the person in the marriage:

  1. Pray, Pray, Pray. Our first response to everything is prayer, especially in the home. Praying is our first line of defense, our weapon of warfare, and our direct channel to the Lord. We are not praying to get our way, but praying God’s will. It is the only way you can receive the revelation of God and restore peace. (James 5:16)
  2. God delights in peace, not discord; he is not the author of confusion. (Proverbs 6:19; I Corinthians 14:33)
  3. Exercise wisdom (Proverbs 4: 6-7)
  4. Know how to adjust your tone how to approach an area of sensitivity (Proverbs 16: 24 and Proverbs 15:1)
  5. Don’t be ruled by your emotions Prophetic people are sensitive; super sensitive! I have had to learn through much trial and error not to take anything personal, not to project my opinion, and also know how to let the spirit of the Lord speak when I could not. (Jeremiah 17:9)

 
 

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Uncategorized

An Apology's Role in Offense

It is noble to want to not offend anyone…especially in marriage. Many people have avoided arguments, not spoken their mind, and dodged awkward conversations for the fear of offending their spouse. However, the reality is that offense is bound to happen at least once in your lifetime…and if you are married at least once there too.  Although the goal is not to intentionally offend anyone, the key is to be discerning and observant to when offense has occurred and quickly make haste to rectify the situation.
So, can there be reconciliation and restoration after offense? Yes, but the matter lies solely on the two persons involved in the offense. Of course there are different levels to when and how the reconciliation can occur in a marriage, but it can all begin with a sincere, heartfelt apology. A simple “I’M SORRY” can spell out safety, growth, and love in your relationship and prevent an offense from turning into a crippling injury.
So, here are the seven components of An Apology’s Role in Offense:
I – Introspective – It is saying “I own my wrong; I made a mistake or misstep in what I said or how I handled the situation.” This introspective look builds character. It forces you to look inside your ego and pride and take ownership of your offense and how it affects your spouse.
M – Movement – It moves the situation forward to a place where correction and discussion can be had. An apology mellows the person that you’ve hurt and offended. Prov. 15:1 says that a soft answer turns away wrath. By apologizing, you give your loved one an opportunity to calm themselves so that the conflict won’t continue and a resolution can begin to be reached.
S – Spoken – An apology must be spoken. It opens up the lines of communication and it serves as an act of humility and acquiescence. Confession is not silent…It is one thing to know you are wrong, but it is quite another to verbalize it. The spoken word of the apology releases both parties from bondage. James 5:16 says to confess your faults to one another.
O – Original – It has to be original, genuine, and authentic; it must be from the heart! Authenticity can be discerned and you will create even more tension with an unoriginal apology. Don’t make your apology lukewarm. God says that he spews the lukewarm out of his mouth (Rev.3:16) and so shall a lukewarm apology be rejected.
R – Relevant & Responsive – Make sure your apology is relevant and responsive to the issue(s) that caused the offense. Because of pride, you must be careful not to apology for something that wasn’t the issue. An apology that does not address the issue renders it irrelevant and meaningless.
R – Reasonable – An apology should be given in a reasonable manner in a reasonable amount of time. Once you are aware of how your action offended your loved one, then apologize for offending them and seek to understand why they were offended. The apology should provide comfort and solace to “Make for peace and mutual up building” (Romans 14:19).
Y – Yield – An apology should show that you yielded to the bigger picture, correcting an errant action, regardless of being right. There are situations where the offender may actually be justified for their actions. What was said or done was actually correct, but the result was offense. If your action was to correct not condemn, then an apology for the offense will help correct it, assist in extinguishing the emotion of the situation, and help usher in corrective communication because we never want our “good to be evil spoken of” (Romans 14:16).
Remember, apologizing is the first step to reconciliation. It opens your spouse up for further discussion about the issue that caused the offense. An apology does not resolve it, but is a wonderful start. An apology does not mean that the offense won’t be done again, nor does it mean you are automatically forgiven. An apology is, however, a step in the right direction and a sign that the journey towards forgiveness has begun. So apologize…and mean it!
 
 

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Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Parenting

Putting an End to Generational Cycles

A man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. This births the next generation. The launch of a new household starting from ground zero to structure what will become their family.

But we all have a past of people and events that have significantly shaped and influenced our lifestyles possibly more than we ever took the time to realize. Our entire life, our behaviors and thought patterns have been mentally conditioned since we were little children; most of which takes place in the home.

It’s called social learning. Social learning is something we learn to adapt by observation, imitation and practice. And our families have possessed the most influential power over us because we’ve been raised constantly observing them in natural settings, specifically in the home, every day sometimes all day. No matter how destructive, unhealthy or dysfunctional, when it’s been seen as a natural attitude or behavior at some point we accepted these as a normal way to live because we’ve grown so familiar to them.

Now wait a minute Brittney, are you trying to say my family is crazy?

I don’t know. Maybe they are!

Look, maybe your parents, your family did everything they could to ensure your survival and I wouldn’t take away from that for one second. Surviving gets real. As a young mother, I already know. And I’m not saying they were bad people, because we can be well intentioned people with terribly conditioned mindsets. There comes a time as we begin our own families that we have to really stop and analyze some of the unhealthy habits that we were exposed to in our childhood so that we don’t repeat the cycle in our own family. We have the opportunity to completely start anew and give our children a better trajectory of life. No, we won’t be perfect, but we can be preventative.

For example,

Maybe you were raised to see the first reaction to frustration or misunderstanding acted out in anger and hostility; and maybe primarily towards you. Well what does that do as we get older? It teaches us through social learning to handle all our frustrations in anger rather than in wisdom. Nothing’s wrong with being frustrated or upset but when we automatically cloud all judgement in anger or by fighting physically it shows that we haven’t learned how to communicate ourselves in a way where there’s understand that could result in a solution. If we’re yelling and screaming at our kids with no explanation as to why they shouldn’t be doing what they’re doing then it becomes a fluster of wild emotions. They’re confused, frustrated and in return learn that anger is the way to handle things, rather than a teaching experience that brings understanding and grows them in wisdom. We can break the cycle of destructive anger starting with our family.

Maybe there was a lack of affection in your home. Sure they worked, fed you and put a roof over your head so yeah that was a form of love by providing. But kids spell love T-I-M-E and A-T-T-E-N-T-I-O-N. And they need lots of it. What happens when this is missing? We grow up to feed off of the acceptance and praise of others in order to feel good about ourselves. For a young woman, many times it leaves you to try and recap that void by giving yourself to a number of men. We were created to love and be loved in an intimate way.

Or maybe you only got attention when you behaved badly, yet never received any acknowledgement for good behavior. “I expect you to do good.” is what we’re told. But human psychology tells us that we’re naturally conditioned to repeat behaviors that have a good response or positively affect us and we tend not to repeat behaviors that inflict harm or a bad reaction toward us. However, if there’s no balance of praise along with chastisement, we might continue to be rebellious because its bringing some form of attention, even if it’s not the right kind. It leaves us open to grab at any type of attention even if its self destructive. An absence of that can certainly condition our behaviors as we grow older. We can break the cycle of neglect starting with our family.

Maybe problems in your home were never really faced and talked out, but constantly swept under the rug as if everything was perfect or things would somehow “fix themselves”. But what usually happens is those things accumulate and have a snowball effect which leads directly into a crisis. By not learning to be responsible and have the character to face our problems and obstacles in life or in our households we create people who take flight once the going gets tough. You walk away from your problems and try to act like they don’t exist. You find yourself constantly stuck in life because you haven’t built the mentality of overcoming obstacles which are usually teaching moments that grow us.

These are just a few examples! But there are so much more out there.

So I want you to really take the time to think and talk about it as a couple. Get both sides. What are the unhealthy things that took place in my upbringing that have had an affect on my life in a negative way? Not only does that challenge us to make changes in our own lifestyle right now but it opens our eyes to the powerful changes we can make in ending these dysfunctional cycles so our kids won’t have to go experience them the way we did. We teach our children how to behave. They are watching us and developing our same habits through social learning. “Do as I say and not as I do” is not an accurate term we grew up hearing. They will do what you do.

On the other hand, what are new traditions and boundaries you can create with your family? Family game nights, sharing at the dinner table, disciplinary actions that are structured to help build wisdom and direction; even when they won’t always understand but it’s for their good anyway. Being able to do things over is an amazing experience.

Remember, we’re building lives here! Society is built on families and as the church, as the body of Christ we need healthy examples.

Your sister,

Brittney Moses

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

2 Biblically Effective Ways to Get Rid of Your Past

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Parenting

4 Ways Marriage Has Made Me a Better Human Being

Jonnese and I met each other my senior year of high school. There’s no way I would’ve predicted that years later, at the young age of 20, I would be married! If you knew me at all, just the thought of that is insane! My relationships didn’t last more than three months, life was one big party constantly lived for the moment and I was nowhere near a healthy, stable or mature state to be responsible for other lives let alone my own highly dysfunctional self.

I should’ve been the last of my friends to settle down and be serious about marriage and this whole “starting a family” thing. In fact, I thought it was a joke! The pursuit I had for my life was for the pleasure and success of me. But as we all know, God tends to have extremely different plans.

Anyone who’s had children or married young will tell you, it challenges you to grow up and mature pretty quickly. Not everyone does, but any sincere person who cares for the well being of their child and spouse has to make changes and make them immediately for their survival; mentally and physically.

Although I never planned to get married and have a family young I don’t at all regret it. I thank God because my family saved me from the destructive path I was on, reeled me in and molded me into a better person for so many reasons.

Marriage has taught me:

  1. To Accept Differences

Sure everyone is different, we know that much. Different races, personalities and backgrounds are things we briefly encounter day to day. But what happens when you have to live with those differences every day and it affects you in a personal way.

Well, honestly you’re forced to understand, respect and work those differences out if your marriage is going to have any chance of surviving. Because you will be more different than you thought!

In the beginning its cute. It’s interesting! Its no big deal. Until you realize you handle struggles differently, you communicate differently which creates barriers when conflict arises or now you have kids and raise them differently based on your individual backgrounds. Differences can easily create conflict in the home. What was once tolerable shortly becomes intolerable when it imposes on your life personally.

Marriage forces you to identify those differences, come to a full understanding of one another and mutually agree on how to work through them on a day to day basis to gain a common goal; a healthy growing family. When you can master this in your home, it’s only preparation for being able to deal with the differences we will face in our world in a positive manner.

 

  1. To Forgive the Unforgivable

Let face it, human mistakes won’t end just because you said “I do.” We’ve been raised on fairy-tale endings of happily ever after, but what really did Snow White and Prince Charming face long after they rode into the sunset?

Perfection and completion finishing at the altar of marriage just isn’t reality. In fact, your spouse may disappoint you a number of times as you will them. As imperfect humans we make mistakes, we learn, we grow from them. And boy is marriage a life lesson of learning and growing.

When you’re in a marriage, two become one, and so everything they do directly affects you. There’s no equal unity so closely bonded like a marriage. No relationship we ever have is like our marriage and so we may have never experienced this dynamic where every choice, no matter how big or how small, one person makes impacts our own life every time in such a personal way.

That includes their mistakes. They will mess up. They will do things the wrong way. They will say the wrong things at the wrong time. They will make you question how this will continue to work this way.

That’s what happens when two imperfect people come together. They become an imperfect couple. But grace is the substance that makes the unworkable, somehow work. So we forgive and we grow again and again and again.

And just when it seems like we got it, we do it all over again. It is the God kind of love that keeps marriages fueled. When we can master the act of grace in our homes, from experience we’re taught how to extend constant grace towards others in the outside world.

 

  1. To Not be Reactive

Reactive behavior is when our choices and behaviors are dependent on the choices and behaviors of others rather than us being responsible for our own selves. Thing like, “they made me act this way” or “maybe if they didn’t do this then I wouldn’t have done this”. It absolves us of all responsibility for ourselves. It’s when our behavior is determined by and reacts base on someone else. Reactive people are ruled by feelings and conditions.

On the other hand proactive people don’t blame others or circumstances for their behavior but act from their own conscious choice based on their values. They determine to focus their efforts on the positive things they can do to shift the situation.

For example, I’m not going to curse you out just because you cursed me out. That doesn’t align with the foundational values I stand on in my life and so I choose to not be reactive by letting your actions determine my own.

When you’re married, again, everything the other person does always affects you personally just from being one and sharing the same living space every day; from their behavior, reactions, language, word choice, etc. In every healthy relationship at some point someone has to choose peace and the bigger picture over being “right”. That’s choosing not to be proactive and not reactive.

If you want your marriage to survive you soon find that retaliation, revenge and pushing buttons back goes nowhere but down. So you quickly learn, or need to learn, the self-discipline of not being reactive. When we can master the choice to not be reactive based on the behaviors of others we can then go out into the world making positive changes rather than conforming to every negative circumstance.

 

  1. To Commit to a Life of Sacrifice

Marriage is sacrifice period. Biblically both leave their families and cleave to one another to begin a new family. The wife submits to the headship of her husband and the husband lays down his life to accommodate his wife time and time again. There’s this ongoing balance of sacrifice consistently being made.

There’s this quote I love that says, “Great marriages are made when husbands and wives make a lot of everyday choices that say ‘I love you’ rather than choices that say ‘I love me’.

And the truth is, in order for any relationship to work there has to be a mutual willingness to sacrifice for one another otherwise it becomes one sided and the other person will soon feel taken advantage of. That kind of model will collapse and won’t last long anytime someone feels unappreciated or unnoticed.

Marriage takes financial sacrifices, sacrificing what I want to do for what you want to do, sacrificing self-fulfilling desires, sacrificing time and much more. You’ve made a vow to commit your life to this person as your partner and you as their support through good and bad till death do you part. And every day you are dedicating to upkeep this vow mostly out of the goodness of love. Learning to make these kinds of sacrifices, putting another’s life and interests before your own, day in and day out teaches you tremendously the heart of sacrifice when it comes to those around you.

When I look back on the person I use to be and was headed towards I can honestly say that marriage has kept me grounded and matured me. It has made me a better human being in general because of the way its molded my heart to learn how to work through and accept the differences of others, to extend grace a midst mistakes, to maintain a positive reaction and live a life of sacrifice. Sometimes we focus so heavy on being ready for marriage that we don’t realize many times it’s the marriage that shapes us.

Was this helpful and is there anything marriage has taught you in growing to become a better person? Don’t be afraid to comment below! I’d love to hear back from you.

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Engaged Home Marriage Uncategorized

Serving Others: 10 Ways to be More Hospitable in Your Home

I get really excited when we have guests over. Whether it be for dinner or overnight, I try to make my guests feel welcomed and comfortable. I find joy in serving others. I know I am honoring God by showing love to His people. It is alright if serving doesn’t come naturally for you because it did not come naturally for me.
It took working as an greeter at church and being told that I am the first face that someone see’s and that a warm welcome can start the healing process. I set the tone for a visitors or members experience. I learned to go the extra mile to make people feel special. I want my guests at my home to feel the same way.
Here are 10 tips to make your next home gathering extra special for your guests.

  1. Greet your guests at the door with a smile and a beverage as soon as they enter.
  2. Have candles lit to create an ambiance.
  3. Place fresh flowers in the bathroom with nice printed napkins or a nice printed hand towel.
  4. Have refreshments or appetizers to snack on while the main dish is being prepared.
  5. Have small activities or a few toys laid out for the little guests, this makes the little ones feel special.
  6. Set your table with nice plates, glasses, silverware and napkins. Here is a diagram of a simple way and formal way to set the table. (Image 2)
  7. Place essential items (travel toothpaste, toothbrushes, mouthwash, lotions etc) in the guest baths and bedrooms for overnight guests.
  8. Send your guests home with leftovers so they don’t have to cook tomorrow.
  9. Serve dessert even if it’s just store bought cookies and ice-cream.
  10. Make your guests plates and serve them at the table instead of a buffet style.

There are many more things that you can do than these 10 things. Just be creative and think about what makes you feel special and do the same for your guests.
formal-place-setting-chart-informal-table-setting-diagram

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Engaged Home Marriage News Spiritual Intimacy

Being Married to a Prophetic Person

I always saw “Godly marriages”. It was nothing new. I saw strong men that was loved, respected, and supported by his wife. And the husbands adored and protected their wives and family. These were the examples that I saw and wanted to pattern my marriage after.
From what I could tell, the husbands understood their wives and the wives spoke the same language as their husbands. I had no idea what that process looked like, but It’s safe to say that each marriage had its own specific journey. So on January 2, 2009, I began my journey with my wife and there were some things for me to learn…
Little did I know I was marrying a woman that operated strongly in the prophetic realm. To be quite honest, she was growing in her awareness of that as well. There were times that she would hear from the Lord and she would admonish me to change an action or bring to my attention she was aware of a situation and I thought she was being controlling or a know it all.
My misinterpretation was a big point of contention in our marriage. It wasn’t until a couple of years into the marriage that I began to seek an understanding of her gift.
What I realize is that many marriage forums are aimed at being equally yoked and like-minded; however, rarely have I heard of any valiant efforts to understand each other’s gifts and strengths spiritually as well as naturally. So in an effort to pay it forward, here’s what I learned from being married to a prophetic person:
1. The gift of prophecy/office of the prophet carries a heavy burden.
There are times when the prophetic individual experiences correction for others and the prophet doesn’t want to be perceived as judgmental; they battle with saying what they see because they don’t want to offend.
2. Prophetic individuals are super-sensitive to the supernatural realm.
This is important to understand as it relates to environments and relationship building. A prophetic individual’s ability to exist in certain environments may seem limited, but it’s because of the things that they are discerning in the spirit realm that may be “off”.
3. Prophetic individuals pray ALOT!
I mention this because it seemed kind of odd to me that my wife would start praying randomly while driving in the car or in a movie theatre. Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a weirdo that walks around praying obtusely in public, but I’ve noticed that with her and others, their prayer life is quite robust!
4. A prophetic individual’s tone and presence is often very strong.
When they speak, it’s with the full weight and glory of the Lord. (Let that sink in for a minute.) Because they have been in the presence of God so much during prayer, they carry His countenance on them tremendously.
5. Prophetic individuals are very watchful and perceptive, often picking up on things that are uncommon and overlooked. My wife will see the cause of something before the outcome is even revealed.
I highlight just a few elements of prophetic people in an effort to help someone that is married to a person with these gifts. The burden of that gift is heavy and the spouse must understand that reality and do everything possible to undergird them in love, truth, prayer, and intimacy. When I started to understand these things, it put my wife at ease and lifted tension from our marriage.
 
Do everything possible to understand your spouse’s gifts. Accept them without judgment or opinion and help them to develop it. The gift that they have is for your family and God’s kingdom!